 Can a narcissist be a Christian? Or the other way of putting it, can a Christian be a narcissist or narcissistic? In this world where it's all about me and we have forgotten how to have personal relationships, we see a lot of people with these tendencies of being a narcissist. As a matter of fact, it's a clinical diagnosis. The question is, can a person who has that diagnosis, can that person be a Christian? Or another way of putting it, can a Christian have those narcissistic tendencies or even be a narcissist? Now, when you say that, when you bring this up, it almost comes across as an oxymoron, such as freezer burn or bittersweet. Words, two words that have opposite meanings that are put together. And that seems to be the case when we say narcissist and Christian. Is it possible that a person can be both of these simultaneously at one? Before we get into it, let's just think about some examples of or some traits of a narcissist. Now, these aren't exhaustive. As a matter of fact, you might go to a professional who might have a different list, but I can promise you these traits are in some way, super fashion inside. There might be more, but this will give you at least a working understanding of what a narcissist is or how he behaves or how she behaves. A narcissist has an exaggerated view of themselves. They have an inflated view of their own importance on their own self-worth. Typically, but not always, this can also be brought on about some sort of insecurities either from the past or right now. But the main point is that they have an inflated view of themselves. They think that they are really better off than what they really are and they don't like to hear anyone tell them otherwise. They have a expressive persona and because of that, they have this need for attention as well as not just attention, but also admiration. When you tell a narcissist something good about themselves, they will smile, they will thank you. You will feel like they actually appreciate it and truth be told, they do. They appreciate the attention and the love that they're getting. But why is that? Because they have a sense of self entitlement. They feel like they deserve it. They feel like if this person's gotten it, I should also get it as well. And so because of that, that person who is a bit envious if someone else is getting any attention, it's okay for someone else to get the attention as long as they get more, as long as whoever's getting the attention doesn't get it for too long. With a narcissist, it is hard for others to shine. This town ain't big enough for the both of us. My ego is not big enough for you to get any sort of attention, especially if your attention is encroaching on my attention or lack thereof. Another trait is they tend to be arrogant or haughty. You see this showing up in their name calling or insulting. Narcissistic people love to insult people. They love to call people names. Well, it's the childish aspect in them that they want to call you name, make you known by that. So others can see that why? Because again, it goes back to the other point, you should not get more attention than they are. And so the way of them inflating themselves, lifting themselves up, is also them bringing you down. If I can bring you down a peg or two, if I'm not where I wanna be, at least you're not higher than me. And therefore you can't shine brighter than me. Narcissists also don't believe in boundaries. What I mean by that is they use people. They see people as pawns. And so there's nothing that they won't do. There's no length that they won't go to to show that. If it means destroying a person, if it means doing drastic things that maybe others would not do, they don't see that what they're doing is bad, though others might because they see whatever it is they're doing as a means to an end. The most important thing is that they then themselves be elevated, at least in your eyes. And because of how they see people and view people, they never really seem to be happy about others. They certainly never seem to comfort others or be there for others. They don't really show concern, especially for their pawns. Narcissists don't typically wanna call a person up to find out if they need anything or have any problems unless there is some sort of ulterior motive. There's an end game for them. How many times have you had a narcissistic friend who he would say, you know what? You never call and see about me. You never call and congratulate me. You don't do those sorts of things. Now you may call to see how I got to where I got, how I won, what I won, how I achieved, what I achieved. Why? Because you wanna see if you can use that. They wanna see if they can use that to see if they can do the exact same thing. Why? Because again, you cannot be in the limelight and the spotlight too long without them feeling a little bit bothered, a little bit jealous, a little bit envious. Another trait about a narcissist is that they tend to be predictable. Meaning if you say something to them, you pretty much know how they're going to respond if you know what they're saying about the person is something negative, something that doesn't paint them in a nice light. If there's something critical, even if it is obvious and true, you know exactly how they are going to respond. Why? Because you're used to their narcissistic traits and tendencies dictating how that person moves, how they respond, how they communicate. Something else about a narcissist is their relationships tend to be one side, almost transactional. They'll use you for whatever can benefit them. And of course, when they do so, they're not telling you that they're being narcissistic. They're not telling you that they're only after their own game. They'll seem friendly, they'll seem nice. But once you've run your course, once your usefulness is gone, well then you're going to notice the difference in the chain. But if you stop being of use for them too prematurely or if you disagree with them, well then now there's going to be a problem. Which also leads into something else. Narcissists tend to want to express themselves and tend to do so in a negative fashion. There's a lot of complaining or if there's something positive they might want to do to kind of highlight themselves. But narcissists rarely are quiet. Think about this, when was the last time you've heard a quiet narcissist? When was the last time you've heard a quiet self-absorbed person? You rarely do because they have to let you know about themselves. So now when you start looking at these tendencies and these traits and you compare them, side by side the traits of a narcissist versus what the Bible calls and tells us the traits of a true Christian, there's a problem. They seem to be squarely at eyes with each other. They don't mesh, they don't mesh, they don't meet together. That's why it's probably a safe bet to say as a matter of fact, not a safe bet to say, I think it's probably in all likelihood that a narcissist cannot be a Christian. Now sure, you're going to have a narcissist who may claim to be a Christian, may know the word, may read the Bible, may have some understanding of the scriptures. That doesn't mean anything. Think about the narcissist in chief that being Satan. He certainly fits every criteria of a narcissist. As a matter of fact, he invented them. And does he know the word? Sure, can he twist the word? Sure, especially for his benefit. Think about him taking Jesus to the top of the temple and then what does he say he's using the word but he's twisting the word. What about with Eve in the garden? No knows what God has stated, but twist it. So you're going to find that prevalent in a lot of narcissists. They may call themselves Christians, but it doesn't matter. Just because you call yourself a Christian does not necessarily mean that you are, especially if we see these glaring traits in you. Now, the moment you confront one of them, there's going to be some difficulty because narcissists do not like to be confronted. However, a Christian should. A Christian doesn't have a problem with someone telling them now, will Christians at first heed what they're told about themselves? Well, sometimes it's difficult to receive anything whether you're a narcissist or not. And so there might be a little bit of pushback, but what a Christian's true nature of a Christian is going to show that he or she will receive it over time, maybe within a minute, maybe immediately, maybe in a day, maybe in a week, but over time. That's not the case with a narcissist. Because it's all about them, it's hard to imagine them being submitted to the Lord, being a Christian because that's really what we are. We have acknowledged our failings, our faults, our failures. Well, narcissists have a hard time with that. We have this repentant attitude in us that there's nothing good that dwells in us. Well, again, that competes with what a narcissist believes about himself. And because of that, remember, narcissists have to be sheep. Sheep have a shepherd, a shepherd leads. Narcissists don't do well in terms of being led by others, which is why sometimes, oftentimes, narcissists have a hard time having a good church life, church relationship. As a matter of fact, you're going to see many narcissists who don't even belong to a church. Why? Because belonging to the church, if you're not the leader, you have to be led. And that doesn't sit well with the narcissist. Why? Because, again, going back to one of the previous traits, you don't get a chance to shine, like maybe the pastor would or some of the elders or someone else. Narcissists don't like that. At some point in time, that narcissist might be able to sit in the pews for a little bit, but sure enough, true to his nature or her nature, she's going to want to approach the leadership to become a leader in the church. He's going to want to be some sort of elder or pastor after a week, two weeks. Why? Because don't you know who I am? Which also speaks of not only their relationship with church folk, but just people in general. They tend to have shallow or in some cases non-existent relationship. Maybe at a distance, people who don't really interact with them, maybe if you're one of their pawns, then you might see them as friendly or a friend because they still have their use for you. But in a church setting, it's difficult because again, it's hard for the person to manipulate and use folk. It happens sometimes, trust me, as a matter of fact, there are times where the pastor is a narcissist. There are some passages in the Bible that I think we ought to look at to see some narcissistic tendencies as being confronted with Jesus. Think about some of the greatest narcissists that we see in the New Testament. That will be the Pharisees. Recall back in Matthew chapter nine, we see Jesus eating with tax collectors and the Pharisees don't like that. Remember, Pharisees want to have the attention on them. And so in nine verse 10, it says, didn't happen that as Jesus was reclining at the table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were dining with Jesus and his disciples. So he's giving them attention. There's a problem though. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, why is your teacher eating with tax collectors and sinners? When Jesus heard this, what does he say? It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means. Well, they don't get it. These people think that they're better than what they are. It's this self righteousness about them. And so I didn't come for you. I came for them. They did not like that. They did not like the fact that there was any attention showed in them. That is the tax collectors and sinners versus the Pharisees. All of us know what envy and jealousy looks like, feels like, sounds like, smells like. And so when you see this in the Pharisees, you say, you know what? This is something that I recall or that I have seen before in this person, that person. Why? Because narcissists are jealous. They are envious. As a matter of fact, in Matthew 27, 18, notice this, even Pilate himself notices this when they are trying to offer up either Barabbas or Jesus. What does he say in verse 28? I mean, verse 18 of chapter 27, Matthew says, for he knew that is Pilate knew that because of envy, they had handed him over. So the Pharisees had this jealousy towards Jesus. We don't want him gone. We'll take Barabbas. I don't care what he's done. I'd rather have him free than this person who I know gets more attention and more shine than me. Now we're told about a believer and nonbelievers. We will know them by their fruits. You don't gather thorns and grapes from the same tree, from the same bush. Same thing here. When you see some of this fruit that is known by a narcissist, you might start thinking, you know what? I don't know. Now, are we to necessarily judge? Well, we clearly are to judge certain things now. Are we saying that this person who seems to have some of these traits are, well, could be. When we start looking at some of the things that the Bible describes as these sinners and even false teachers and so forth, these folks who are necessarily, we know are destined for hell. When we compare them with a narcissist, there's a striking similarity. Paul says, for men will be in the latter times lovers of themselves. We see that. Also check for narcissists. They will be lovers of money. True, because what does a narcissist want? If you've got money, then so does a narcissist. He also wants it as well. They are boastful, arrogant. Well, that goes without saying as far as being a trait of a narcissist. They are revilers, meaning they will speak ill of other people. Now, in this case, it could be of God himself or of Jesus, but also other people. It didn't say just blasphemous of God, but blasphemous of people here, just blasphemous in general. You'll see that again, talking bad about people. Disobedient to parents. Sometimes we don't get a chance to see that because we don't see the actual relationship. But again, that makes sense. They are ungrateful, true, unholy, without question, unloving. Again, we cover that before irreconcilable because again, they can be reconciled with someone who they believe and they believe everyone else believes is lower than them. They don't have a problem with that, but someone on equal footing or who they think might be esteemed more higher, that's gonna be a problem. They are malicious gossips. Well, not just gossip, but malicious gossip. In other words, there's no length that they won't go, no ends they won't go to destroy a person, to defame a person, to slander a person. And they may, again, as a Christian, may do so what they might say in the name of love. We've seen this happen before where someone will say, let's get together, let's pray for so-and-so because he's doing this, because she's in that. They're not doing it to help the person, they're doing to hurt the person, but they'll say, this is to help you. Well, we know what help looks like and we know what hurt looks like. And so they will use this gossiping as a scheme to hurt the person, though others might not know it, but this is what they do. They are without self-control. In other words, they can't hold their tongue, they can't hold their feelings, they can't hold their emotion. They have no self-control. Brutal. Haters of God. They may not tell you that their haters are God, but the very acts that they're doing demonstrate so. Treacherous, reckless, just do things that normal adults with self-control would not do. They are conceited, again, an inflated view of themselves, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding a form of godliness, although they have denied the power. And so the Bible says, avoid such people. So one thing that we know that if you avoid a narcissist, he or she does not like that. Avoid the narcissist, the narcissist is going to have a problem. Now, when you compare those things with what we see in Galatians 5, what we know are the result of someone having the Holy Spirit in them. The Bible says that that person who has that, of the result of that or the fruit of it is love, joy. Not just because the situation for them is that, just they have joy just because of what God has done for them. They are, they have peace. Not with a narcissist, patient. Not with a narcissist, kindness. Not with a narcissist. Goodness, nope, faithfulness. No, no, gentleness without question. They don't have that self-control against such things, there's no law. And so these traits of a person who has a spirit go counter to the traits that we just read that I say is also describing a narcissist that Paul covers. And so is it possible that a narcissist can be a Christian? Again, I say no, but the flip question is, could a Christian be a narcissist? I don't think so, but what about a Christian being narcissistic? Is it possible that a Christian can have some of these traits? Well, sure, that's possible. All of them, now we have a problem because it speaks to their heart. It speaks to the condition. Either outwardly or inwardly, people who know that person closely, people who know these from afar. Again, over time, at some point in time, people will begin to see the traits of a narcissist, especially if they're looking for them. They are not difficult to find and because of the way the world is today, there's plenty of them to see, plenty examples to see. And so the question is, can a person be a narcissist and a Christian? No, the two cannot be together. The two are not joined, but can a Christian have some of these tendencies, these traits? That's possible. What we're gonna know is that because they're a Christian, we're gonna see these traits begin to dwindle, begin to fade. Totally, probably not, not before Christ comes back, not before they go to heaven, but they should not be as pronounced in the end as they are now. You should see them growing in Christ. Why? Because they've submitted their heart to the Lord. That's the definition of a Christian. It is the polar opposite of what a narcissist is. Amen.