 Like, I'm having a hard time answering some of your questions because you're really making me think. Because it's just kind of like, dang, now I'm sitting here like, what is it that I really want? Like, I can say things that I really want, but I also feel like I'm missing some things. Like, maybe I want to go home and reanalyze everything. So you said you were in a five-year relationship. Yeah. And you came out and you felt like... Tell me that. You felt like what? I felt, well, I felt an emotional rape first, but it just took me a while to kind of get used to, like, when you be with somebody for so long and now it's you back free as a bird, you know, and kind of dating. Like, I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship, like fresh out of a relationship. And I was like, I need some time myself. But I just felt like even when I started to date guys, it was just like so different. I mean, but I can't really say it was just different because like I said, I have relationships. I've been 19 and here I am 23. So I'm in my 20s now and I'm dating. So it's like, whoo. So I mean, I just, that's why like back to my comment that I made, like not long ago, I just feel like I'm here and guys are here. So I feel like that has been a challenge for me because I was in a relationship, a long term relationship. So now it's like a lot of guys, I feel like they just, they offered a bare minimum. Like I'm used to going on dates when I was in a relationship. Now I'm dating and some guys don't even want to go on dates. They thought that just coming over and chilling was a thing. Apparently that's a thing now. I didn't know. But I just felt like it was, like, how am I supposed to find my soulmate in this little bunch of nothing, not saying that nobody was nothing. But it's like, I like somebody like, I'm a talker. I talk your head off and I don't want to just talk about what's going on on social media or I want to talk about all types of stuff. We can talk about the stars, the moon. We can talk about what's going on in the news, we, you know, like conversations, you know? And I feel like a lot of guys that we're meeting, like they didn't have anything to talk about. You know, I like to, I'm a somebody I can learn from, like teach me something. I mean, I can learn some things. I can probably learn how to roll a backwood or something. But it wasn't like you can give me something that I can take it and grow with it or, you know, stuff like that. Do you think those guys exist? Yeah, they definitely do. I just have to find them. Let me ask you this. Do you think you understand what those guys want? I don't know. I think admitting that is the first step, right? Because what happens a lot, because I have, you know, I interview women all the time and they have the same complaint. They say, I can't find no good dudes, right? And I'm like, I look at my circle, for instance, everybody in my circle from the dudes are still in their 20s to the dudes who are in their early 30s. They're all Kevin Samuels will call us Henry's, right? We're top 5% dudes by any metric. What we're finding is even the women that complain about not being able to find those good men, when they find us, they act like we ain't who we are, right? Like they, what did the quote say, don't let somebody treat you like a yellow starburst or something like that, or a pink starburst, you know what I'm saying? And that's what we're finding a lot. So it's like either you have some dudes who dumb themselves down and then they just deal with you on that level, or they exclusively deal with the women who know who they are, who can see them for who they are. So like, if you had to guess what type of woman, those types of dudes that you want are looking for, describe that woman. And the type of guys, it's me. No, seriously. I mean, of course, if I'm looking for someone that has something going or, you know, they won't, I mean, I just feel like when it comes to relationships in general, everything is a balance. One can't have more than the other. That's just how I've kind of made this in my head. Like, if I want a good guy that has a good job, you know, that has good conversation, good qualities, good morals, then of course he's not going to want the girl that's going out all the time or that's on Instagram every Friday night with her homegirls drinking. I mean, not if there's anything wrong with it, you know. Kill a fucker. Yeah, but, you know, they won't, I guess, what they can give. Like, they want the girl that's, I don't know, I'm not a man. I can't really speak. I guess they will want the girl that's, you know, that stays in. They're not, I don't know, Instagram doing it. I don't know. You know, you know, the issue that I'm saying a lot. What? A lot of our women don't know what those guys want. I know. And because they don't, what they do instead is they become those guys. And they think they should get points for that. So you'll see girls, for instance, I have a master's degree. I have a PhD. I make six figures, this and that. So I qualify for that type of man. Not understanding that. We don't care if I know that. I got it already. Why I care about if you got it? I care about what's your mind like? What do you look like? Are you agreeable? Are you a pleasant spirit to be around? And I think what happens is, since you've become your dream man, you subconsciously view your dream man as competition. And he subconsciously views you as competition. So it's a clash as opposed to a fit. Right? And then we keep selling people this dream on social media of the boss couple. That shit don't exist. It doesn't exist in mass. Because if I'm out here really hustling and really trying to get it, if my woman is also hustling and trying to get it at the same level I am, who's going to take care of our kids? Who's going to have dinner ready? You know what I'm saying? Who's going to be the homemaker? Who's going to be the person who's not beat up by the world? Because my job is to go out there and get beat up by the world and bring home the bacon, whatever the case be. So men of that caliber, they're looking for their compliment. I got you. They're looking for somebody who can see. And I say this to every single woman. This is the easiest way I could break it down. Men want to be appreciated. And that's why the submission thing is so important in our community. I want you, if we're talking about kings, queens, and all that shit, I want you to treat me like a king. And the thing I tell people all the time is you can see the clear difference between a couple where the woman treats the man like a king and what he's willing to do for her. That nigga, he's ready to die behind her. Versus a couple where it's like you're not man enough. You're not man enough. You're not man enough. You're not man enough. And a lot of our women are in that mindset. Because if you're an attractive woman, it's not hard to attract men. It's not. You could put a picture on Instagram right now and get a, matter of fact, you would get followers off of this. Now, your job is what kind of man can you keep? Right. Well, I can honestly truly say, like, me, I feel like I can keep a man. I have issues with allowing a man to do things for me. I'm independent. So I don't know. And I don't like to ask for things. I just want you to do it. I just want you to. Read my mind. I don't want to have to ask you. When I really read my mind, just pick up on the little things. Like, if you notice something, you know. But I guess the man won't say it, too. He wants to feel appreciated. He wants to feel appreciated, but he doesn't necessarily need your read his mind. We're not mind readers or providers. I'm not really saying, like, read his mind. I'm more so saying, like, for instance, like, if I come home and my guy's having a bad day, I can already tell about his body language that he's having a bad day. So instead of him, I mean, I wouldn't want to come home and start commotion to start an argument. I would want to, I guess, in his head, he probably would be like, you know, you see him, like, if that was the scenario of me coming in and starting commotion, he would be like, you see him had a bad day, you know, come in and help me relax, do something, make me feel appreciated. Like, I don't know. I would say this. I would say this. That's nice. That's nice. But, and I'm talking about at scale, like some men are like this, right? But at scale, emotional intuition is not our ministry. That's yours. Oh, well, okay. So, and, but what happens sometimes is, and like I said, a lot of women are moving in their masculine energy, right? And because of that, what they're looking for in a man is actually a woman. Well, I must be a masculine woman because that's just, that's me. Like, I just... And, but that's why, that's why I encourage women to actually do the math. Because life is about trade-offs. Life, and I think men know this because we know for instance, if a girl got a fat ass, she probably gonna have small titties. If she got a fine face, she might not have a body. You know what I'm saying? Men know that they're trade-offs, but women think it's build a man. They think it's gonna be an emotionally expressive and intuitive man who's also macho and this and that and this and that. And it's like, does that man exist at large? No. Does that man exist? Sure. But every other woman has described that same man. So are you willing to compete for him? Cause he's an anomaly. You know what I'm saying? Are you willing to compete for him? Sometimes are you willing to share him? Yeah. So instead of that, right? What I'm encouraging women to do is like, make your list, but put it in priority order. And be like, this is the top thing that I definitely need and it's non-negotiable. And then this is a nice to have. This is a nice to have, nice to have. But a lot of times women don't put it in a priority order. They just, I want him to be all these things. And number one, contradicts number two, number two contradicts number three, and number three contradicts number four. And it's like, you're not gonna find him. And the worst part about it is, even when you find a guy who's great, you can't appreciate him properly because you're focused on everything he's not. But he's not. Yes. And I have done that. I can honestly say like, I like to do a lot of reflection on all situations, relationships with him. And I can honestly say like, sometimes I see myself like, I can't appreciate certain things or certain guys because I am too busy thinking about what he ain't doing or, now he's doing some good things, but in my head sometimes, like it's self-sabotage, like, well, he ain't doing this and he don't got this. And I find myself doing that sometimes. And I'm trying to break that habit because it's just like, no man, it's gonna be perfect. Like, it'll be nice if I could meet the perfect guy, but every guy's gonna have something that he needs to work on. Just like me, I'm gonna have stuff that I need to work on. Like, I'm not gonna be perfect for him. But, you know, that's why I just feel like everything's a balance. Like, I just, I have literally kind of put that in my head. Like, everything is a balance for me in my opinion when it comes to relationships because we're gonna have to balance this out. Like, I can't, it just has to be a balance. Like, you have to be equally yoked for your soulmate. Like, y'all just gotta come together and just, you know. This is what, you know, the best place to start with, with that. If I was to survey 300 women and I asked them what type of money would your dream man make? Most of them would say what? Like a millionaire, I want a billionaire. A billionaire, sure. Most of them say six figures, right? At least six figures. Here's what a lot of women don't realize. Six-figure jobs require a time. So if your man is making six figures, he might not be at every dance recital. He might have to fly across the country once a week. Now, you willing to make that trade off? Yes. Because if you want the man who is able to make every dance recital, he's probably a school teacher. Or something. Yeah, but that's true too. That is true. But you want a school teacher making six figures? Six figures, and I'm happy. Yeah. And there are some, but it's one in a million. But at the same time, like just like me too, like I just recently became a registered nurse like last year. So now it's like with me, like I'm constantly busy. Like, so am I gonna find a man that's gonna be able to put up with it? I work third shift. I'm gonna find a man that's gonna be able to be faithful while I'm at work. But what do you want? What do you want? I want that. But it's like, is that gonna happen? Is he gonna be able to deal with my busy schedules? Is he gonna be able to deal with my stress that comes with my job when I get home and I'm irritated because I didn't have a long night? No, that's what I mean. Yeah. So there's a website, for instance, that breaks down based on United States Census data. What percentile you fall into based on your demographic and your salary, right? So in order for a black millennial man to be considered top 1%, do you know what? Just guess what salary he needs to make on an annual basis. I don't even know. I want you to tell me. I can't even guess. 140,000. 140? After 140,000, as a millennial, now if older man is a little higher, but as a millennial man, you're considered in the top 1% of your cohort. Why would a top 1% man who knows that every woman on the planet is looking for him, especially if he's handsome, especially if he's tall, especially if he's charismatic, especially if he's heterosexual, especially if he's all these nice skin, nice teeth, whatever y'all like to select for him. Why would he put up with that when he could just go find another one who's not irritable when she get off work, who might look just as good as you, who might be just as nice as you, who might cook just as well as you? Why would he put up with that? I don't know. But that's what I'm saying though. That's also another conversation. It's just like men, because I've dealt with men that couldn't deal with my attitude. And me personally, I don't feel like I have a bad attitude or anything like that. But it's like, I be feeling like sometimes me be going on about how women can be and how we can act in our mood swings and stuff. But y'all have mood swings and y'all be moody and y'all be acting like that too. And we, and not even just talking about moods and emotions, like it's a lot of stuff that I feel like women, we deal with from a man. You know, we put up with a lot from men. But y'all be acting like y'all can't deal with the slightest things sometimes. Like it's such an inconvenience. But again, I'm talking about the niggas who've done the work. Oh, but who does the work? I can get that too. You see what I'm saying? Y'all, I'm talking about the man who's not, who knows how to turn it off when he walk into the door. I'm not dealing with your moodiness. Cause I'm not making you deal with mine. Right. But that's not, that's goes back to my balance though. Everything has to be a balance. I don't want to come in and be irritated and deal with my man like that. And he can shut it off then yeah. So that's what I'm saying. If I'm in a relationship like that, then yeah, I'm going to look at myself like you're wrong. Cause he don't do that. Cause you know what I think the bigger problem is, I feel like because of media, because of social media, because of TV and movies, women, especially our women, don't feel like they need to compete. What do you mean compete? Like what other women? If you survey 300 women, they'll all tell you that they're special and that they're not average. And it's like, if 300 people out of 300 people don't think they're average, then everybody's average. Cause if everybody made a hundred in the class, a hundred is average. So a lot of women inaccurately assess themselves. And because of that, they can't really appreciate how much of an anomaly this guy is. And as an example, one of the girls I was interviewing, I asked her, describe your ideal man. In my head, when she was describing this hypothetical I know him. I know a dude who fits that to a T. Right. So I called him after the episode premiered and I was like, yo, watch this and tell me what you think about her. He said, damn, she reminds me of my ex. How does she remind you of your ex? My ex had a similar list, right? Because mind you, this dude is like 6'6", 6'7", 6'8", 320 pounds, 6 figures, travels all the time, intelligent, nice, good dude. Yeah. She says she can never really appreciate me for who I was and what I was because she kept focusing on everything I wasn't. Yeah. So even though by any metric, he is a needle in a haystack, she treated him like yellow starburst. See, and I, that's what we're on nowadays. They be messed it up for everybody. And then she's gonna get to like 40, 30, 40 years old and be like, well, the good man act. Yeah. So what needs to happen, man? What needs to change? I just feel like the way that we think in general needs to change for women and men. And yeah, like, I'm having a hard time answering some of your questions because you're really making me think. Cause it's just kind of like, dang, like now I'm sitting here like, what is it that I really want? Like I can say things that I really want, but it's, I also feel like I'm missing some things. Like, maybe wanna go home and reanalyze everything. If I can do that, then I'm happy. Yeah, like seriously though, because I just, just all these questions, just talking, it's like, it's a lie. Like. This is the best way I could boil it down. The type of man you want, the type of man you need, the type of man who's going to be the role model that your son needs, be the example that your daughters need, be the companion in your old age when you not find them or your ass sag. And you know what I'm saying? You can't open the only fans page. That type of man, especially a black man, if you're committed to that. Yeah. When he comes home after fighting the world, the last thing he wants to do is fight you. Yeah. So if you have not found peace within yourself, you cannot be peace for him. Right. And he will run the other way. That's real. So you'll hear a lot of women, for instance, they talk about, I got an attitude and this and this and the right man for me is going to be able to deal with it. No, he's not. Yeah. Why would he? When he got to, you know. He doesn't have to. I ain't dealing with that shit. I'll tell you right now. Yeah. I ain't not dealing with that shit. I don't deal with that shit for my own mama. How the fuck I'm going to deal with it from you? Yeah. You see what I'm saying? Exactly. And some men are bold enough to say that. Other men are like, no, I'm going to just, I'm going to take my talents to Thailand. I'm going to take my talents to South Africa. Because I know there's a woman in South Africa, she is on her knees every day of the week, praying God, send me my Superman. Yes. And if you're a black man making six figures in America, you know what I'm saying? Who's handsome, intelligent, the whole nine? You are somebody's Superman. It's South Africa. South South South South America. South Africa, Thailand, the whole nine. So like a lot of men are saying, like, why would I deal with a woman who treats me like I ain't nobody, when literally I could be Xerxes for a bitch somewhere else? Yeah. I could be God to her. That's real. And I just, just in general, though, communication. Like I just don't, it's like couples, do we really communicate how we should in a proper manner? Like I don't feel like people do that anymore either. It's more like through takes over phone. Like I like to sit down and let's sit down and let's talk. Like I'm kind of like, got these ideas in my head and stuff that I want to do when I do settle down and get a boyfriend. Like I want to have days where we can just sit down and just talk about, like, what's on your mind? How you feel? Like is there anything I can do for you? Am I doing everything that you need for me to do? Like am I being that person for you, you know? Cause I don't want to clash with my significant other. Like I don't want to, I done been through that. I done been through toxic relationships. I done fall, I done did all of it. Like I'm done with it. Let me ask you this, are you ready to be bored? Yeah. Peace is boring. Yes, I am ready to be bored. I feel like I am. Are you sure? I'm positive, I am. I think I'm ready. I'm just waiting on my time. That's me. Okay, let me ask you an interesting question. Are you looking for a partner or a leader? A leader. Explain the difference. Based on how you understand it and how you answer it, what do you think is the difference? Well, I don't know if it's the right, for me to be rightly looking for a leader, but I don't know. I always just felt like the man should be a leader. I feel like, you know, I want to, like I said, I want to learn from my man. I want him to teach me things that I don't know, like help. I mean, he can't, he's not a woman, so he can't teach me how to be a woman. But I feel like I want somebody that I can learn from. Somebody that I can look up to like, I have a strong personality. So I don't want a man that I feel like can't deal with it or can't, I want somebody that I feel like can take over. I'm controlling. I like being in control. I want somebody that I can let him have the control. Let him do it. I'm tired of being that way. I'm tired of feeling like I'm always having to call the shots or I'm the more logical thinker. Let me just say that I'm tired of feeling that way. I want somebody that can help my mind, girl. Like I feel like I meet these guys and I'm like putting stuff into them, but nobody's putting anything into me, you know? Do you know how to switch it off? Don't know how to switch it off? No, I'm learning how to switch that off. Yeah, because I mean, that's the issue. Like if you, the brain is always trying to form patterns to make, you know, the brain is lazy. It's trying to do as least work as possible. So it like gets a certain idea in its head and just tries to replicate that idea. So a lot of times if you get used to a certain type of dude, if you came across a different type of dude, you literally don't know how to do it. I don't know. And I can honestly say like, I have met a guy and he's not what I'm used to, but I don't know how to handle it. What do you think needs to happen? What do I think needs to happen? Maybe I need to, I need to relax. Do you trust yourself? Yeah. Why hesitation? I don't know, because I trust myself, but I don't know. I trust myself, but do I trust myself though? Yeah. I think that's the biggest issue, because I can't trust you if I don't trust myself. Yeah. Because on some level, I feel like I didn't make the right decision and I'm waiting for the world, the universe, something to happen to prove me wrong. So I can never actually relax and let you be you. Because I don't think, it's like, if you ever worked for a company that almost didn't hire you. Yeah. That's how it feels. Because it's like, should we have hired him over? And every day you come in to your job, you feel that energy of, I'm not sure if we hired the right person versus a company that, yo, listen, we were sending you letters, emails. We did our diligence and we understand what you are. We understand what you bring to this company. And we understand that we can't pay you enough. Right. I think that's the difference. And this is what I've been to, I have two sisters. This is what I've been telling women, any of the women who would stand to hear it is like, spend more time on his LinkedIn than his Instagram. Wait, you said his LinkedIn? LinkedIn. OK, yeah. Because that's going to tell you what he's building. Right. His Instagram is just going to tell you his highlight, tell you what he's showing, he pop bottles in the club, he look cool, he dress cool. But like, what is he building? Right. His Instagram ain't going to take care of you, his LinkedIn will though. Right? But a lot of us in our society, we're evaluating men like women. What do you look like? As opposed to what do you look like? You see what I'm saying?