 Day Street books and Harper audio present open book by Jessica Simpson with Kevin Carr O'Leary This is Jessica Simpson To sweet Sarah my angel and to those who are lost and hope to be found. I pray my truth will help prologue February 2019 The kids are asleep and my husband is reading in the other room, so it's just you and me Every night after we put our children to bed. I come down here to the study to write It's cold here in Los Angeles, so bedtimes have been creeping later My daughter Maxwell is six now and my son ace is five and they have the kind of energy that needs to be burned off Outdoors or it'll just add up like a bill that needs to be paid at the end of the night The poor kiddos have to be at school at 7 a.m. So getting them down by 8 or 8 30 is tough Swimming has always helped my kids are fish, but it's been too chilly for the pool Sometimes as they're racing around the house. I think back to when I was their age in Texas I can't remember having all this energy, but I guess I was busy at dance class every day and then nights at church This afternoon my husband Eric set up big drop cloths in the backyard as an activity for them He's done this for years laying out paints and brushes so they can have at it He says it's like therapy a Way to get out all your emotions. I Panicked the first time I saw them throwing paint It's washable, babe Eric said Don't do this at anybody else's house. Okay. I yelled pulling a face as ace up ended a cup of yellow paint on a canvas This is just for here. I am southern so manners matter Say please and thank you and don't throw paint at playdates Eric would let them paint the whole house if I'd be okay with it He's this amazing blend of athlete and hippie a pro football player who did yoga on the sidelines at Yale while everyone else ran sprints I Usually join in on the painting, but I'm so pregnant with our daughter birdie that today. I just sat and watched Hoping that if I just shifted one more time, I would somehow get comfortable spoiler. Nope Still I was present. I kept a promise. I made to myself a little over a year ago to show up in my own life To feel things whether they were the results of bad memories or good ones in the making Like the gold of the setting sun hitting Maxwell's face as she knelt on the grass to draw freehand The quick moves of a girl who is sure of herself and ace stepping back to look at all the paints before committing to action Just like me. He quietly observes and then has that moment where he tilts his head back and just does Every pre-measured stroke of color seeming spontaneous We divide and conquer at bedtime Eric takes ace who wants every minute he can get playing with dad I take Maxwell who still lets me sing Jesus loves me with her every night I know you might be thinking of the sing song II Jesus loves me But I do the version from the bodyguard the one where Whitney and her on-screen sister whisper sing a slowed down Wispful version Maxwell and I list off all the friends and family we are praying for and then we sing Jesus loves them. Oh, yes He does Lullabies came hard for me my first night home from the hospital with Maxwell I was afraid to sing to her because I didn't know if I could sing quiet I've never had to sing where I didn't have to perform Aim my voice for the back of the arena. I remember thinking should I sing the star-spangled banner quietly? If I tried amazing grace, I knew I would get the spirit and bust her little eardrum It was like I was in an SNL sketch about the overseeing pop star mom Whitney saved me Tonight in Maxwell's room when the prayers were done I got up from sitting on the bed which takes some strategic planning when you're seven months pregnant And I was about to slip out Maxwell is not one of those kids who need you to stay until she's asleep I love that she is her own girl and she will let you know it But tonight just as I went to turn off the light. I heard her little voice Will you rub my nose? She asked? Yes, baby This is something I did with both of my kids when I breastfed them Sample complete ready to continue