 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be sharing this short video for you today. Our topic is going to be about men and sharing their feelings but really quickly many of you write comments on my videos that are very specific in nature and if you'd like to have some help answering some of those questions check out the link below to schedule a call with me because oftentimes that's the best way to resolve some of your relationship queries. Okay let's talk about men and their feelings. So it's rather obvious in many cases that women are experiencing relationships with men and men struggle either struggle sharing their feelings or they're completely incapable of sharing their feelings and I know how frustrating that can be especially when you deeply care for a man and I think it's it's important to recognize a couple things before we go any deeper here. Now if you're not familiar with the book Attached the book is called Attached. This talks about the three levels of love attachment and so I highly recommend going to the website doing a little research on your own but there's basically three types that's talked about in the book. There's anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style and secure attachment style and oftentimes when you're experiencing a man who's in his struggle sharing his feelings it's because he's most likely an avoidant. In other words he almost fears intimacy. He fears opening up because it doesn't feel safe to him and whether by the way this is true for men and for women so this book isn't singular to men. What I'm saying is most of the time people don't who are struggle sharing their feelings is because they don't feel safe with love. They feel like love will betray them and so understanding why, understanding this piece is hugely important as a way to help your man open up. Now I think it's also important to recognize that there's five different love languages, five different love languages and if you're not familiar with the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Gary Chapman talks about the five love languages and why this is hugely important is because you might, your love language might be words and the man you are dating or you're in relationship with his love language might be acts of service. In other words he expresses his love, his feelings through doing things for you. In fact many men operate from a perspective of acts of service or quality time or physical touch. But what we're really talking about when we talk about expressing our feelings we're talking about the words, right? So if your man is avoidant and his love language isn't words this can be very frustrating. So first off I want to help you do the following and that is I highly encourage you to Google right now a list of feelings. I would like you to Google a list of feelings. So I'm just going to share with you I have a list right here, a list of feelings. I had to put on my glasses so but feelings like acceptance, openness, alive, joy, anger, annoyed, courageous, powerful, despair, sad, connected, loving, disconnected, numb, fragile, embarrassed, shame, power. Can you see and by the way within each bracket of feelings there's all kinds of feelings underneath. So when we talk about our feelings there the words associated to them are very powerful and so I want to encourage everyone to start looking up list of feelings and start kind of immersing yourself into these feelings because if you want to help a man, if you want to be in relationship with a man who's going to express his feelings then I think it's important that you really recognize all the variety of different feelings are out there. Look at this page there's 100 plus types of feelings on here. Now many people haven't even done this. I'm pausing for a second and laughing because a lot of people just associate feelings with a bunch of blah blah blah blah and I'm here to say that our feelings is how we navigate through life so the better you understand your feelings you're in a space to help someone else be able to express their feelings because a lot of times it's a lot of times in relationship people are pointing the finger at their partner saying I'm not getting my needs met I'm not getting my my needs wants and desires met but they're expressing it in a very confrontational way. You're not doing this for me to feel good rather than saying I don't feel good and this is what would help me feel good are you interested in doing that and I'm kind of paraphrasing this really quickly because this is a lot more complicated but do you get a sense is start to share what those feelings are sadness joy numb conflicted anxious begin to express everything from the eye perspective and not pointing the finger at you which a lot of people do this isn't singular to women this is true of men as well we oftentimes point the finger at the other person because we don't know how to articulate our feelings in a healthy happy way. So I'm going to share with you how to get a man to open up and share your feelings more often and it's a simple thing by doing this one thing over and over and over and over again has the potential of shifting your man into someone who's going to express his feelings and that is simply lead by example. Let me repeat that lead by example in other words begin to express what you're feeling in the relationship without an expectation of a response but just start expressing how you feel in relationship. Hey Tim I'm really grateful to be in this relationship I feel a lot of joy in our relationship and just then be quiet and then maybe a couple days later you do it again and again again begin to express what you're feeling in relationship and then be quiet and what I mean by being quiet don't create an expectation that they have to respond the more you begin to express what you're feeling in this relationship it invites the opportunity for them to come back and do it as well and what's going to happen after a while they're going to begin to express their feelings in relationship without you needing to be the prompt for that. Now let me just say this this isn't an absolute so you know some people who are deeply entrenched in their avoidant behavior oftentimes are suffering from traumas and childhood wounds that make it very difficult for them to ever express their feelings and we can talk about that in another video but what I'm really here to say is and what I want to encourage and invite you to do is start to express what matters to you in the relationship and see if this person is joining you on this because if they're not and you're feeling continually frustrated and sad and upset and angry and you know disenchanted well maybe the two of you aren't aligned you're misaligned and that's another topic for discussion as well. How do you get a man to open up and share his feelings? First off find out what his love language is find out what is avoidance or is a love attachment style is so you get a sense of who he is and then begin by expressing your feelings on a more consistent basis in a very loving non-confrontational way and see what happens over time and let me know what happens over time because I want to hear your thoughts please post a comment below if this resonated with you if you have something to say I want to hear about it. Also as I said before you have sometimes specific questions that need to be answered schedule a one-on-one session with me I can do my best when we're talking on the phone one-on-one and I promise I can make a difference in your life. Okay I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do giving you a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug if I have your consent. Aw, thank you. Wishing you a wonderful day. Thanks so much. Bye-bye now.