 Chapter 13 of Ruth. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Ruth by Elizabeth Kleghorn-Gasco. Recording by Cynthia Lyons. Chapter 13 The Descenting Minister's Household. Miss Benson had resumed every morsel of the briskness which she had rather lost in the middle of the day. Her foot was on her native stones, and a very rough set they were, and she was near her home and among known people. Even Mr. Benson spoke very cheerfully to Ben and made many inquiries of him, respecting people whose names were strange to Ruth. She was cold and utterly weary. She took Miss Benson's offered arm and could hardly drag herself as far as the little quiet street in which Mr. Benson's house was situated. The street was so quiet that their footsteps sounded like a loud disturbance and announced their approach as effectually as the trumpet's lordly glare did the coming of Abdullah. A door flew open, and a lighted passage stood before them. As soon as they had entered, a stout elderly servant emerged from behind the door, her face radiant with welcome. Hey, bless ye, ah, back again, I thought I should have been lost without ye. She gave Mr. Benson a hearty shake of the hand and kissed Miss Benson warmly, then turning to Ruth, she said in a loud whisper. Who's young? Mr. Benson was silent and walked a stepped onward. Miss Benson said boldly out, the lady I named in my note, Sally, Mrs. Denby, a distant relation. Aye, but ye said, she was a widow. Is this chit a widow? Yes, this is Mrs. Denby, answered Miss Benson. If I'd been her mother, I'd have given her a lollipop instead of a husband, who looks fitter for it. Hush, Sally, Sally, look, there's your master trying to move that heavy box. Miss Benson calculated well when she called Sally's attention to her master, for it was believed by everyone, and by Sally herself, that his deformity was owing to a fall he had when he was scarcely more than a baby, and entrusted to her care, a little nurse girl, as she then was, not many years older than himself. For years the poor girl had cried herself to sleep on her pallet bed, moaning over the blight her carelessness had brought upon her darling. Nor was this self-reproach diminished by the forgiveness of the gentle mother, from whom Thurston Benson derived so much of his character. The way in which comfort stole into Sally's heart was in the gradually formed resolution that she would never leave him nor forsake him, but serve him faithfully all her life long, and she had kept to her word. She loved Miss Benson, but she almost worshipped the brother. The reverence for him was in her heart, however, and did not always show itself in her manners. But if she scolded him herself, she allowed no one else that privilege. If Miss Benson differed from her brother, and ventured to think his sayings or doings might have been improved, Sally came down upon her like a thunderclap. My goodness gracious Master Thurston, when will you learn to leave off meddling with other folk's business? Here, Ben, help me up with these trunks. The little narrow passage was cleared, and Miss Benson took Ruth into the sitting room. There were only two sitting rooms on the ground floor, one behind the other. Out of the back room the kitchen opened, and for this reason the back parlor was used as the family's sitting room. Being with its garden aspect so much the pleasanter of the two, both Sally and Miss Benson would have appropriated it from Mr. Benson's study. As it was, the front room, which looked to the street, was his room, and many a person coming for help, help of which giving money was the lowest kind, was admitted, and let forth by Mr. Benson, unknown to anyone else in the house. To make amends for his having the least cheerful room on the ground floor, he had the garden bedroom, while his sister slept over his study. There were two more rooms, again over these, with sloping ceilings, though otherwise large and airy. The attic, looking into the garden, was the spare bedroom, while the front belonged to Sally. There was no room over the kitchen, which was in fact a supplement to the house. This sitting room was called by the pretty old-fashioned name of the parlor, while Mr. Benson's room was styled the study. The curtains were drawn in the parlor. There was a bright fire and a clean hearth. Indeed, exquisite cleanliness seemed the very spirit of the household. For the door, which was open to the kitchen, showed a delicately white and spotless floor, and bright, glittering tins, on which the ruddy firelight danced. From the place in which Ruth sat, she could see all Sally's movements, and though she was not conscious of close or minute observation at the time, her body being weary and her mind full of other thoughts. Yet, it was curious how faithfully that scene remained depicted on her memory and after years. The warm light filled every corner of the kitchen in strong distinction to the faint illumination of the one candle in the parlor, whose radiance was confined and was lost in the dead folds of window curtains, carpet, and furniture. The square, stout, bustling figure, neat and clean in every respect, but dressed in the peculiar old-fashioned costume of the county, namely a dark striped Lindsay Woolsey petticoat, made very short, displaying sturdy legs in woolen stockings beneath. A loose kind of jacket, called there a bed gown, made of pink print, a snow-white apron and cap, both of linen, and the latter made in the shape of a munch. These articles completed Sally's costume and were painted on Ruth's memory. While Sally was busied in preparing tea, Miss Benson took off Ruth's things, and the latter instinctively felt that Sally, in the midst of her movements, was watching their proceedings. Occasionally, she also put in a word in the conversation, and these little sentences were uttered quite in the tone of an equal, if not of a superior. She had dropped the more formal you, with which at first she had addressed Miss Benson, and vowed her quietly and habitually. All these particulars sank unconsciously into Ruth's mind, but they did not rise to the surface and become perceptible for a length of time. She was weary and much depressed, even the very kindness that ministered to her was overpowering, but over the dark misty moor a little light shone, a beacon, and on that she fixed her eyes and struggled out of her present deep dejection, the little child that was coming to her. Mr. Benson was as languid and weary as Ruth, and was silent during all this bustle and preparation. His silence was more grateful to Ruth than Miss Benson's many words, although she felt their kindness. After tea, Miss Benson took her upstairs to her room. The white dimity bed and the walls stained green had something of the coloring and purity of effect of a snow drop, while the floor, rubbed with a mixture that turned it into a rich dark brown, suggested the idea of the garden mold out of which the snow drop grows. As Miss Benson helped the pale Ruth to undress, her voice became less full toned and hurried. The hush of approaching nights subdued her into a softened, solemn kind of tenderness, and the murmured blessing sounded like granted prayer. When Miss Benson came downstairs, she found her brother reading some letters which had been received during his absence. She went and softly shut the door of communication between the parlor and the kitchen, and then, fetching a gray, worsted stocking which she was knitting, she sat down near him, her eyes not looking at her work, but fixed on the fire, while the eternal rapid click of the knitting, she sat down in the kitchen. The door of the room, with a sound as monotonous and incessant as the noise of a handloom, she expected him to speak, but he did not. She enjoyed an examination into, and discussion of, her feelings. It was an interest and amusement to her, while he dreaded and avoided all such conversation. There were times when his feelings, which were always earnest, and sometimes morbid, burst forth and defied control, and overwhelmed him. When a force was upon him, compelling him to speak, but he, in general, strove to preserve his composure from the fear of the compelling pain of such times, and the consequent exhaustion. His heart had been very full of Ruth all day long, and he was afraid of his sister beginning the subject, so he read on, or seemed to do so, though he hardly saw the letter he held before him. It was a great relief to him, when Sally threw open the middle door with a bang, which did not indicate either calmness of mind or sweetness of temper. His young, young woman going to stay any length of time with us, she asked of Miss Benson. Mr. Benson put his hand gently on his sister's arm, to check her from making any reply, while he said, We cannot tell exactly, Sally. She will remain until after her confinement. Lord bless us and save us, a baby in the house. May then my times come, and I'll pack up and be gone. I never could abide them things. I'd sooner have rats in the house." Sally really did look alarmed. Why, Sally, said Mr. Benson, smiling, I was not much more than a baby when you came to take care of me. Yes, you were a master-thirst, and you were a fine-bouncing lad of three-year-old and better. Then she remembered the change she had wrought in the fine-bouncing lad, and her eyes filled with tears, which she was too proud to wipe away with her apron. Four, as she sometimes said to herself, she could not abide crying before folk. Well, it's no use talking, Sally, said Miss Benson, too anxious to speak to be any longer repressed. We've promised to keep her, and we must do it. You'll have none of the trouble, Sally, so don't be afraid. Well, I never, as if I minded trouble. You might have known me better than that. I've scoured Master's room twice over just to make the boards look white, though the carpet is to cover them, and now you go and cast up about me, minding my trouble. If them's the fashions you've learned in Wales, I'm thankful I've never been there. Sally looked red and dignit and really hurt. Mr. Benson came in with his musical voice and soft words of healing. Faith knows you don't care for trouble, Sally. She's only anxious about this poor young woman who has no friends but ourselves. We know there will be more trouble in consequences of her coming to stay with us, and I think, though we never spoke about it, that in making our plans we reckoned on your kind help, Sally, which has never failed us yet when we needed it. You've twice the sense of your sister, Master Thurston, that you have. Boys always has. It's truth, there will be more trouble, and I shall have my share on it, I reckon. I can face it if I'm told out and out, but I cannot abide the way some folk has of denying. There's a trouble or pain to be met, just as if they're saying there was none would do away with it. Some folk treats one like a baby, and I don't like it. I'm not meaning you, Master Thurston. No, Sally, you need not say that. I know well enough who you mean when you say some folk. However, I admit I was wrong in speaking as if you minded trouble, for there never was a creature minded at less. But I want you to like Mrs. Denby, said Miss Benson. I daresay I should. If you'd let me alone, I did not like her sitting down in Master's chair. Set her up, indeed, in an armchair with cushions. Wenches in my day were glad enough of stools. She was tired tonight, said Mr. Benson. We are all tired, so if you have done your work, Sally, come into reading. The three quiet people knelt down side by side, and two of them prayed earnestly for them that has gone astray. Before ten o'clock the household were in bed. Ruth, sleepless, weary, restless with the oppression of a sorrow, which she dared not face and contemplate bravely, kept awake all the early part of the night. Many a time did she rise and go to the long casement window, and looked abroad over the still and quiet town, over the gray stone walls and chimneys, and old high pointed roofs onto the far away hilly line of the horizon, lying calm under the bright moonshine. It was late in the morning when she woke from her long deferred slumbers, and when she went downstairs she found Mr. and Ms. Benson awaiting her in the parlor, that homely, pretty, old-fashioned little room, how bright and still and clean it looked. The window, all the windows at the back of the house were casements, was open to let in the sweet morning air and the streaming eastern sunshine. The long jessamine sprays with their white-scented stars forced themselves almost into the room, the little square garden beyond with gray stone walls, all round was rich and mellow in its autumnal coloring, running from deep crimson hollyhocks up to amber and gold nasturtiums, and all toned down by the clear and delicate air. It was so still that the gossamer webs laden with dew did not tremble or quiver in the least, but the sun was drawing to himself the sweet incense of many flowers, and the parlor was scented with the odors of mignonette and stalks. Ms. Benson was arranging a bunch of china and damask roses in an old-fashioned jar. They lay all dewy and fresh on the white breakfast cloth when Ruth entered. Mr. Benson was reading in some large folio. With gentle morning speech they greeted her, but the quiet repose of the scene was instantly broken by Sally popping in from the kitchen and glancing at Ruth with sharp reproach. I reckon I may bring in breakfast now, with a strong emphasis on the last word. I am afraid I am very late, said Ruth. Oh, never mind, said Mr. Benson gently. It was our fault for not telling you our breakfast hour. We always have prayers at half past seven, and for Sally's sake we never vary from that time, for she can so arrange her work if she knows the hour of prayers as to have her mind calm and untroubled. Ahem, said Ms. Benson, rather inclined to testify against the invariable calmness of Sally's mind at any hour of the day. But her brother went on as if he did not hear her. But the breakfast does not signify being delayed a little, and I am sure you were sadly tired with your long day yesterday. Sally came slapping in and put down some withered, tough, dry toast with. It's not my doing if it is like leather, but as no one appeared to hear her, she withdrew to her kitchen, leaving Ruth's cheeks like crimson at the annoyance she had caused. All day long she had that feeling common to those who go to stay at a fresh house among comparative strangers. A feeling of the necessity that she should become accustomed to the new atmosphere in which she was placed before she could move and act freely. It was indeed a pure ether, a diviner air which she was breathing in now than what she had been accustomed to for long months. The gentle, blessed mother who had made her childhood's home holy ground was in her very nature so far removed from any of earth's stains and temptation that she seemed truly one of those who ask not if thine eye beyond them, who, in love and truth, where no misgiving is, rely upon the genial sense of youth. In the Benson's house there was the same unconsciousness of individual merit, the same absence of introspection and analysis of motive as there had been in her mother, but it seemed that their lives were pure and good, not merely from a lovely and beautiful nature, but from some law the obedience to which was, of itself, harmonious peace, and which governed them almost implicitly, and with as little questioning on their part as the glorious stars which haste not rest not in their eternal obedience. This household had many failings. They were but human, and with all their loving desire to bring their lives into harmony with the will of God, they often erred and fell short, but somehow the very errors and faults of one individual served to call out higher excellence in another, and so they reacted upon each other, and the result of short discords, but they had themselves no idea of the real state of things, and they did not trouble themselves with marking their progress by self-examination. If Mr. Benson did something in hours of sick incapacity for exertion, turn inwards. It was to cry aloud with almost more bedespair. God be merciful to me a sinner, but he strove to leave his life in the hands of God, and to forget himself. Ruth sat still and quiet through the long first day. She was languid and weary from her journey. She was uncertain what help she might offer to give in the household duties, and what she might not. And in her languor and in her uncertainty it was pleasant to watch the new ways of the people among whom she was placed. After breakfast Mr. Benson withdrew to his study. Miss Benson took away the cups and saucers, and leaving the kitchen door open, talked sometimes to Ruth, sometimes to Sally, why she washed them up. Sally had upstairs duties to perform for which Ruth was thankful, as she kept receiving rather angry glances for her unpunctuality as long as Sally remained downstairs. Miss Benson assisted in the preparation for the early dinner, and brought some kidney beans to shred into a basin of bright pure spring water, which caught and danced in the sunbeams as she sat near the open casement of the parlor. Talking to Ruth of things and people which as yet the latter did not understand, and could not arrange and comprehend. She was like a child who gets a few pieces of a dissected map, and is confused until a glimpse of the whole unity is shown him. Mr. and Mrs. Bradshaw were the center pieces in Ruth's map. Their children, their servants, were the accessories, and one or two other names were occasionally mentioned. Ruth wondered and almost wearied at Miss Benson's perseverance, and talking to her about people whom she did not know. But in truth Miss Benson heard the long drawn quivering sighs, which came from the poor heavy past, and her quick accustomed ear caught also the low mutterings of thunder in the distance in the shape of Sally's soliloquies, which like the asides at a theater were intended to be heard. Suddenly Miss Benson called Ruth out of the room upstairs into her own bed chamber, and then began rummaging in little old fashioned boxes drawn out of an equally old fashioned bureau, half desk, half table, and holy drawers. My dear, I've been very stupid and thoughtless. Oh, I'm so glad I thought of it before Mrs. Bradshaw came to call. Here it is, and she pulled out an old wedding ring, and hurried it on Ruth's finger. Ruth hung down her head, and reddened deep with shame. Her eyes smarted with the hot tears that filled them. Miss Benson talked on in a nervous hurried way. It was my grandmothers, it's very broad, they made them so then. To hold a posy inside, there's one in that, thine own sweetheart till death doth part. I think it is, there, there, run away, and look as if you'd always warn it. Ruth went up to her room, and threw herself down on her knees by the bedside, and cried as if her heart would break, and then, as if a light had come down into her soul, she calmed herself and prayed. No words can tell how humbly, and with what earnest feeling. When she came down, she was tear stained and wretchedly pale. But even Sally looked at her with new eyes, because of the dignity with which she was invested by an earnestness of purpose which had her child for its object. She sat and thought, but she no longer heaved those bitter sighs which had wrung Miss Benson's heart in the morning. In this way the day wore on. Early dinner, early tea seemed to make it preternaturally long to Ruth. The only event was some unexplained absence of Sally's, who had disappeared out of the house in the evening, much to Miss Benson's surprise, and somewhat to her indignation. At night, after Ruth had gone up to her room, this absence was explained to her, at least. She had let down her long waving glossy hair, and was standing absorbed in thought in the middle of the room. When she heard a round clumping knock at her door, different from that given by the small knuckles of delicate fingers, and in walked Sally with a judge-like severity of demeanor, holding in her hand two widow's caps of commonest make and courses texture. Queen Eleanor herself, when she presented the bowl to Fair Rosamond, had not a more relentless purpose stamped on her demeanor than had Sally at this moment. She walked up to the beautiful, astonished Ruth, where she stood in her long, soft white dressing gown, with all her luxuriant brown hair hanging disheveled down her figure, and thus Sally spoke. Mrs. or Miss as the case may be, I've my doubts as to you. I'm not going to have my master and Miss Faith put upon, or shame come near them. Widow's wears these sorts of caps and has their hair cut off, and whether widow's wears wedding rings or not, they shall have their hair cut off, they shall. I'll have no half-work in this house. I've lived with a family forty-nine year, come Mickelness, and I'll not see it disgraced by anyone's fine long curls. Sit down and let me snip off your hair, and let me see you sham decently in a widow's cap tomorrow, or I'll leave the house. What's come over Miss Faith as used to be, as mimp a lady as ever was, to be taken by such as you I don't know. Here I sit down with ye, and let me crop you. She laid no light hand on Ruth's shoulder, and the latter, partly intimidated by the old servant who had hitherto only turned her vixen lining to observation, and partly because she was broken-spirited enough to be indifferent to the measure proposed, quietly sat down. Sally produced the formidable pair of scissors that always hung at her side, and began to cut in a merciless manner. She expected some remonstrance or some opposition, and had a torrent of words ready to flow forth at the least sign of rebellion. But Ruth was still in silent, with meekly bowed head under the strange hands that was shearing her beautiful hair into the clipped shortness of a boy's. Long before she had finished, Sally had some slight misgivings as to the fancied necessity of her task. But it was too late for half the curls were gone, and the rest must now come off. When she had done, she lifted up Ruth's face by placing her hand under the round white chin. She gazed into the countenance, expecting to read some anger there, though it had not come out in words, but she only met the large quiet eyes that looked at her with sad gentleness out of their finely hollowed orbits. Ruth's soft yet dignified submission touched Sally with compunction, but she did not choose to show the change in her feelings. She tried to hide it indeed by stooping to pick up the long bright tresses and holding them up admiringly and letting them drop down and float on the air like the pendant branches of the weeping birch. She said, I thought we should have had some crying I did. They're pretty curls enough. You've not been so bad to let them be cut off, neither. You see, Master Thurston is no wiser than a baby in some things, and Miss Faith just lets him have his own way. So it's all left to me to keep him out of scrapes. I'll wish you a very good night. I've heard many or one say as long hair was not wholesome. Good night. But in a minute she popped her head into Ruth's room once more. You'll put on them caps tomorrow morning. I'll make you a present on them. Sally had carried away the beautiful curls and now she could not find it in her heart and throw such lovely chestnut tresses away. So she folded them up carefully in paper and placed them in a safe corner of her drawer. End of Chapter 13. Chapter 14 of Ruth. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Reading by Cynthia Lyons. Ruth by Elizabeth Clegghorn Gaskell. Chapter 14. Ruth's first Sunday at Eccleston. Ruth felt very shy when she came down at half past seven the next morning in her widow's cap. Her smooth pale face with its oval untouched by time looked more young and childlike than ever when contrasted with the headgear usually associated with ideas of age. She blushed very deeply as Mr. and Ms. Benson showed the astonishment which they could not conceal in their looks. She said in a low voice to Ms. Benson, Sally thought I'd better wear it. Ms. Benson made no reply but was startled at the intelligence which she thought was conveyed in this speech of Sally's acquaintance with Ruth's real situation. She noticed Sally's looks particularly this morning. The manner in which the old servant treated Ruth had in it far more respect than there had been the day before. But there was a kind of satisfied way of braving out Ms. Benson's glances which made the latter uncertain and uncomfortable. She followed her brother into his study and said, Do you know, Thurston, I am almost certain Sally suspects. Mr. Benson sighed that deception grieved him and yet he thought he saw its necessity. What makes you think so, asked he. Oh, many little things it was her odd way of ducking her head about as if to catch a good view of Ruth's left hand that made me think of the wedding ring. And once yesterday when I thought I had made up quite a natural speech and was saying how sad it was for so young a creature to be left a widow she broke in with widow befarred in a very strange contemptuous kind of manner. If she suspects we had better tell her the truth at once. She will never rest till she finds it out so we must make a virtue of necessity. Well, brother, you shall tell her then for I am sure I daren't. I don't mind doing the thing since you talked to me that day and since I have got to know Ruth but I do mind all the clatter people will make about it. But Sally is not people. Oh, I see it must be done. She'll talk as much as all the other persons put together so that's the reason I call her people. Shall I call her? For the house was too homely and primitive to have bells. Sally came fully aware of what was now going to be told her and determined not to help them out in telling their awkward secret by understanding the nature of it before it was put into the plainest language. In every pause when they hoped she had caught the meaning they were hinting at she persisted in looking stupid and perplexed and in saying, well, as if quite unenlightened, as to the end of the story. When it was all complete and before her she said honestly enough, it's just as I thought it was and I think you may thank me for having had the sense to put her into widow's caps and clip off that bonny brown hair that was fitter for a bride and lawful matrimony than for such as her. She took it very well, though. She was as quiet as a lamb and I clipped her pretty roughly at first, I must say, though. If I had known who your visitor was I'd have packed up my things and cleared myself out of the house before such as her came into it. As it's done, I suppose I must stand by you and help you through with it. I only hope I shan't lose my character and me, a parish clerk's daughter. Oh, Sally, people know you too well to think any ill of you as Miss Benson, who was pleased to find the difficulty so easily got over. For, in truth, Sally had been much softened by the unresisting gentleness with which Ruth had submitted to the clipping of the night before. If I'd been with you, Master Thurson, I'd have seen sharp after you for you're always picking up someone or other as nobody else would touch with a pair of tongs. Why, there was that Nellie Brandon's child as was left out our door. If I hadn't gone to the overseer, we should have had that Irish Tramp's baby saddled on us for life. But I went off and told the overseer and the mother was caught. Yes, said Miss Benson sadly, and I often lie awake and wonder what is the fate of that poor little thing forced back on the mother who tried to get quit of it. I often doubt whether I did right, but it's no use thinking about it now. I'm thankful it isn't, said Sally. And now, if we've talked doctrine long enough, I'll make the beds. Yon girl's secret is safe enough for me. Saying this, she left the room and Miss Benson followed. She found Ruth busy washing the breakfast things and they were done in so quiet and orderly a manner that neither Miss Benson nor Sally, both particular enough, had any of their little fancies or prejudices annoyed. She seemed to have an instinctive knowledge of the exact period when her help was likely to become a hindrance and withdrew from the busy kitchen just at the right time. That afternoon, as Miss Benson and Ruth sat at their work, Mrs. and Miss Bradshaw called. Miss Benson was so nervous as to surprise Ruth who did not understand the probable and possible questions which might be asked respecting any visitor at the minister's house. Ruth went on sewing, absorbed in her own thoughts and glad that the conversation between the two elder ladies and the silence of the younger one who sat at some distance from her gave her an opportunity of retreating into the haunts of memory and soon the work fell from her hands and her eyes were fixed on the little garden beyond, but she did not see its flowers or its walls. She saw the mountains which girdled land due. She saw the sunrise from behind their iron outline just as it had done. How long ago was it? Was it months or was it years since she had watched the night through, crouched up at his door. Which was the dream and which the reality? Yes. His moans rang more clearly in her ears than the buzzing of the conversation between Mrs. Bradshaw and Mrs. Benson. At length, the subdued, scared-looking little lady and her bright-eyed, silent daughter rose to take leave. Ruth started into the present and stood up in curtsied and turned sick at heart with sudden recollection. Mrs. Benson accompanied Mrs. Bradshaw to the door and in the passage gave her a long explanation of Ruth's fictitious history. Mrs. Bradshaw looked so much interested and pleased that Mrs. Benson enlarged a little more than was necessary and rounded off her invention with one or two imaginary details which, she was quite unconscious, were overheard by her brother through the half-open study door. She was rather dismayed when he called her into his room after Mrs. Bradshaw's departure and asked what she had been saying about Ruth. Oh, I thought it was better to explain it thoroughly. I mean, to tell the story we wish to have believed once for all, you know we agreed about that thirst and deprecatingly. Yes, but I heard you saying you believed her husband was a surgeon, did I not? Well, Thurston, you know he must have been something and young surgeons are so in the way of dying it seemed very natural. Besides, she said with a sudden boldness, I do think I have a talent for fiction. It is so pleasant to invent to make the incidents dovetail together and, after all, if we are to tell a lie we may as well do it thoroughly or else it's of no use. A lie would be worse than useless and, Thurston, it may be very wrong but, I believe, I am afraid I enjoy not being fettered by truth. Don't look so grave. You know it is necessary if ever it was to tell falsehoods now and don't be angry with me because I do it well. He was shading his eyes with his hand and did not speak for some time. Not for the child, I would tell all but the world is so cruel. You don't know how this parent necessity for falsehood pains me faith or you would not invent all these details which are so many additional lies. Well, well, I will restrain myself if I have to talk about Ruth again but Mrs. Bradshaw will tell everyone who need to know. You don't wish me to contradict it, Thurston. Surely it was such a pretty story. Faith, I hope God will forgive us if we are doing wrong and pray, dear, don't add one unnecessary word that is not true. Another day elapsed and then it was Sunday and the house seemed filled with a deep peace. Even Sally's movements were less hasty and abrupt. Mr. Benson seemed invested with a new dignity which made his bodily deformity a life spirit. Every trace of weekday occupation was put away. The night before, a bright new handsome tablecloth had been smoothed down over the table and the jars had been freshly filled with flowers. Sunday was a festival and a holy day in the house. After the very early breakfast little feet patterned into Mr. Benson's study for he had a class of boy. A sort of domestic Sunday school only that there was more talking between teachers and pupils than dry absolute lessons going on. Ms. Benson too had her little neat tippet maidens sitting with her in the parlor and she was far more particular in keeping them to their reading and spelling than her brother was with his boys. Sally too put in her word of instruction from the kitchen helping as she fancied so her assistance was often rather malapropo. For instance, she called out to a little fat stupid roly-poly girl to whom Ms. Benson was busy explaining the meaning of the word quadruped. Quadruped, a thing with four legs Jenny, a chair is a quadruped child. But Ms. Benson had a deaf manner sometimes when her patience was not too severely tried and she put it on now. Ruth sat on a low hassick and coaxed the least of the little creatures to her and showed it pictures till it fell asleep in her arms and sent a thrill through her at the thought of the tiny darling who would lie on her breast before long and whom she would have to cherish and to shelter from the storms of the world. And then she remembered that she was once white sinless as the wee lassie who lay in her arms and she knew that she had gone astray. By and by the children trooped away and Ms. Benson summoned her to put on her things for chapel. The chapel was up a narrow street or rather cul-de-sac close by. It stood on the outskirts of the town almost in fields. It was built about the time of Matthew and Philip Henry and dissenters were afraid of attracting attention or observation and hid their places of worship in obscure and out-of-the-way parts of the town in which they were built. Accordingly it often happened as in the present case that the buildings looked as if they carried you back to a period a hundred and fifty years ago. The chapel had a picturesque and old world look for luckily the congregation had been too poor to rebuild it or new face it in George III's time. The staircase which led to the galleries were outside at each end of the building and the irregular roof and worn stone steps looked gray and stained by time and weather. The grassy hillocks each with a little upright headstone were shaded by a grand old witch on a lilac bush or two, a white rose tree and a few leburnums all old and gnarled enough were planted round the chapel yard and the casement windows of the chapel were made of heavy, leaded diamond shaped panes almost covered with ivy producing a green gloom not without its solemnity within. This ivy was the home of an infinite number of little birds which twittered and warbled till it might have been thought that they were emulous of the power of praise possessed by the human creatures within. With such earnest long drawn strains did this crowd of winged songsters rejoice and be glad in their beautiful gift of life. The interior of the building was plain and simple as plain and simple could be. When it was fitted up oak timber was much cheaper than it is now so the woodwork was all of that description but roughly hewed for the early builders had not much wealth to spare. The walls were whitewashed and were recipients of the shadows of the beauty without. On their white plains the tracery of the ivy might be seen now still, now stirred by the sudden flight of some little bird. The segregation consisted of here and there a farmer with his laborers who came down from the uplands beyond the town to worship where their fathers worshipped and who loved the place because they knew how much those fathers had suffered for it although they never troubled themselves with the reason why they left the parish church and of a few shopkeepers far more thoughtful and reasoning who were dissenters from conviction who were unmixed with old ancestral association and of one or two families of still higher worldly station with many poor who were drawn there by love for Mr. Benson's character and by a feeling that the faith which made him what he was could not be far wrong for the base of the pyramid and with Mr. Bradshaw for its apex the congregation stood complete the country people came in sleaking down their hair and treading with earnest attempts at noiseless lightness of step over the floor of the aisle and by and by when all were assembled Mr. Benson followed unmartialed and unattended when he had closed the pulpit door and knelt in prayer for an instant or two he gave out a psalm from the dear old Scottish paraphrase with its primitive inversion of the simple perfect Bible words and a kind of pre-centre stood up and having sounded the note on a pitch pipe sang a couple of lines by way of indicating the tune then all the congregation stood up and sang aloud Mr. Bradshaw's great bass voice being half a note in advance of the others in accordance with his place of residence as principal member of the congregation his powerful voice was like an organ very badly played and very much out of tune but as he had no ear and no diffidence it pleased him very much to hear the fine loud sound he was a tall, large boned iron man stern, powerful and authoritative in appearance dressed in clothes of the finest broadcloth seamlessly ill-made as if to show that he was indifferent to all outward things his wife was sweet and gentle looking but as if she was thoroughly broken into submission Ruth did not see this or hear ought but the words which were reverently oh how reverently spoken by Mr. Benson he had had Ruth present in his thoughts all the time he had been preparing Sunday duty and he had tried carefully to eschew everything which she might feel as an illusion to her own case he remembered how the good shepherd in Poussin's beautiful picture tenderly carried the lambs which had wearied themselves by going astray and felt how like tenderness was required towards poor Ruth but where is the chapter which does not contain something the spirit may not apply to itself and so it fell out that as he read Ruth's heart was smitten and she sank down and down till she was kneeling on the floor of the pew and speaking to God in the spirit if not in the words of the prodigal son Father I have sinned against heaven and before thee and am no more worthy to be called thy child Miss Benson was thankful although she loved Ruth the better for this self abandonment that the minister's seat was far in the shade of the gallery she tried to look most attentive to her brother in order that Mr. Bradshaw might not suspect anything unusual while she stealthily took hold of Ruth's passive hand as it lay helpless on the cushion and pressed it softly and tenderly but Ruth sat on the ground bowed down and crushed in her sorrow till all was ended Miss Benson loitered in her seat divided between the consciousness that she as locum tenants for the minister's wife was expected to be at the door to receive the kind greetings of many after her absence from home and her unwillingness to disturb Ruth who was evidently praying and by her quiet breathing receiving grave and solemn influences into her soul at length she rose up calm and composed even to dignity the chapel was still an empty but Miss Benson heard the buzz of voices in the chapel yard without they were probably those of people waiting for her and she summoned courage by taking Ruth's arm in hers and holding her hand affectionately they went out into the broad daylight as they issued forth Miss Benson heard Mr. Bradshaw's strong bass voice speaking to her brother and winced as she knew he would be wincing under the broad praise which is impertinence however little it may be intended or esteemed as such oh yes my wife told me yesterday about her her husband was a surgeon my father was a surgeon too as I think you have heard very much to your credit Miss Benson with your limited means to burden yourself with a poor relation very creditable indeed Miss Benson glanced at Ruth she either did not hear or did not understand but passed on into the awful sphere of Mr. Bradshaw's observation unmoved he was in a bland and condescending humor of universal approval and when he saw Ruth he nodded his head that ordeal was over Miss Benson thought and in the thought rejoiced after dinner you must go and lie down my dear said she untying Ruth's bonnet strings and kissing her Sally goes to church again but you won't mind staying alone in the house I am sorry we have so many people to dinner but my brother will always have enough on Sundays for any old or weak people who may have come from a distance to stay and dine with us all seem to have come because it is his first Sabbath at home in this way Ruth's first Sunday passed over End of Chapter 14 Chapter 15 of Ruth This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Cynthia Lyons Ruth by Elizabeth Clegg Horne Gaskell Chapter 15 Mother and Child Here is a parcel for you Ruth said Miss Benson on the Tuesday morning From me said Ruth all sorts of rushing thoughts and hopes filling her mind and turning her dizzy with expectation if it had been from him the newborn resolutions would have had a hard struggle for existence it is directed Mrs. Denby said Miss Benson before giving it up it is in Mrs. Bradshaw's handwriting and far more curious than Ruth she awaited the untying of the close-knotted string when the paper was opened it displayed a whole piece of delicate cambrick muslin and there was a short note from Mrs. Bradshaw to Ruth saying her husband had wished her to send this muslin in aid of any preparations Mrs. Denby might have to make Ruth said nothing but colored up and sat down again to her employment very fine muslin indeed said Miss Benson feeling it and holding it up against the light with the air of a connoisseur yet all the time she was glancing at Ruth's grave face the latter kept silence and showed no wish to inspect her present further at last she said in a low voice I suppose I may send it back again my dear child send it back to Mr. Bradshaw you'd offend him for life you may depend on it he meant it as a mark of high favor what right had he to send it me asked Ruth still in her quiet voice what right Mr. Bradshaw thinks I don't know exactly what you mean by right Ruth was silent for a moment and then said there are people to whom I love to feel that I owe gratitude gratitude which I cannot express and had better not talk about but I cannot see why a person whom I do not know should lay me under an obligation oh don't say I must take this muslin please Miss Benson what Miss Benson might have said if her brother had not just then entered the room neither he nor any other person could tell but she felt his presence was most opportune and called him in as umpire he had come hastily for he had much to do but he no sooner heard the case than he sat down and tried to draw some more explicit declaration of her feeling from Ruth who had remained silent during Miss Benson's explanation you would rather send this present back said he yes she answered softly is it wrong why do you want to return it because I feel as if Mr. Bradshaw had no right to offer it to me Mr. Benson was silent it's beautifully fine said Miss Benson still examining the piece you think that it is a right which must be earned yes said she after a minute's pause don't you I understand what you mean it is a delight to have gifts made to you by those to whom you esteem and love because then such gifts are merely to be considered as fringes to the garment as inconsiderable additions to the mighty treasure of their affection adding a grace but no additional value to what before was precious and proceeding as naturally out of that as leaves burgeon out upon the tree but you feel it to be different when there is no regard for the giver to idealize the gift when it simply takes its stand among your property as so much money's value is this it Ruth it is I never reasoned why I felt as I did I only knew that Mr. Bradshaw is giving me a present hurt me instead of making me glad well but there is another side of the case we have not looked at yet we must think of that too you know who said do unto others as ye would that they should do unto you Mr. Bradshaw may not have had that in his mind when he desired his wife he may have been self seeking and only anxious to gratify his love of patronizing that is the worst motive we can give him and what would be no excuse for your thinking only of yourself and returning his present but you would not have me pretend to be obliged asked Ruth no I would not I have often been similarly situated to you Ruth Mr. Bradshaw you have certainly opposed me on the points on which I feel the warmest and the most earnestly convinced he no doubt thinks me quixotic and often speaks of me and to me with great contempt when he is angry I suppose he has a little fit of penitence afterwards or perhaps he thinks he can pay for ungracious speeches by a present so formally he invariably sent me something after these occasions it was a time of all others to feel as you are doing now but I became convinced it would be right to accept them giving only the very cool thanks which I felt this omission of all show of much gratitude had the best effect the presence have much diminished but if the gifts have lessened the unjustifiable speeches have decreased in still greater proportion I am sure we respect each other more take this muslin Ruth for the reason I named and thank him as your feelings prompt you overstrained expressions of gratitude always seem like an endeavour to place the receiver of these expressions in the position of debtor for future favours but you won't fall into this error Ruth listened to Mr. Benson but she had not yet fallen sufficiently into the tone of his mind to understand him fully she only felt that he comprehended her better than Miss Benson who once more tried to reconcile her to her present by calling her attention to the length and breadth thereof I will do what you wish me she said after a little pause of thoughtfulness may we talk of something else Mr. Benson saw that his sister's frame of mind was not particularly congenial with Ruth's any more than Ruth's was with Miss Benson's and putting aside all thought of returning to the business which had appeared to him so important when he came to the room but which principally related to himself he remained above an hour in the parlor interesting them on subjects far removed from the present and left them at the end of that time soothed and calm but the present gave a new current to Ruth's ideas her heart was as yet too sore to speak but her mind was crowded with plans she asked Sally to buy her with the money produced by the sale of a ring or two the corset linen the homeliest dark blue print and similar materials on which she set busily to work to make clothes for herself and as they were made she put them on and as she put them on she gave a grace to each which such homely material and simply shaping had never had before then the fine linen and delicate soft white muslin which she had chosen in preference to more expensive articles of dress when Mr. Bellingham had given her carte blanche in London so staintily stitched and made ready for the little creature for whom in its white purity of soul nothing could be too precious the love which dictated this extreme simplicity and coarseness of attire was taken for stiff hard economy by Mr. Bradshaw when he deigned to observe it and economy by itself without any soul or spirit in it to make it living in holy was a great merit in his eyes indeed Ruth altogether found favour with him her quiet manner subdued by an internal consciousness of a deeper cause for sorrow than he was aware of he interpreted into a very proper and becoming awe of him he looked off from his own prayers to observe how well she attended the chapel when he came to any verse in the hymn relating to immortality or a future life he sung it unusually loud thinking he should thus comfort her in her sorrow for her deceased husband he desired Mrs. Bradshaw to pay her every attention she could and even once remarked that he thought her so respectable a young person that he should not object to her being asked to tea the next time Mr. and Miss Benson came he added that he thought indeed Benson had looked last Sunday as if he rather hoped to get an invitation and it was right to encourage the ministers and to show them respect even though their salaries were small the only thing against this Mrs. Denby was the circumstance of her having married too early and without any provision for a family the Ruth pleaded delicacy of health and declined accompanying Mr. and Miss Benson on their visit to Mr. Bradshaw she still preserved her place in his esteem and Miss Benson had to call a little upon her talent for fiction to spare Ruth from the inflection of further presence in making which his love of patronizing delighted the yellow and crimson leaves came floating down on the still October air November followed bleak and dreary it was more cheerful when the earth put on her beautiful robe of white which covered up all the grey naked stems and loaded the leaves of the hollies in evergreens each with its burden of feathery snow when Ruth sat down to languor and sadness Miss Benson trotted upstairs and looked up every article of spare or worn out clothing bringing down a variety of strange materials she tried to interest Ruth in making them up into garments for the poor but though Ruth's fingers flew through the work she still sighed with thought and remembrance Miss Benson was at first disappointed and then she was angry when she heard the low long sigh and saw the dreamy eyes bearing tears she would say what is the matter Ruth in a half reproachful tone for the sight of suffering was painful to her she had done all in her power to remedy it and though she acknowledged a cause beyond her reach for Ruth's deep sorrow and in fact loved and respected her all the more for these manifestations of grief yet at the time they irritated her and stopped the dropped work and stitched away with drooping eyes from which the hot tears fell fast and Miss Benson was then angry with herself not yet at all inclined to agree with Sally when she asked her mistress why she kept mithering the poor lass with asking her forever what was the matter as if she did not know well enough some element of harmony was wanting some little angel of peace in loving whom all hearts and natures should be drawn together and their discords hushed the earth was still hiding her guilty front with innocent snow when a little baby was laid by the side of the pale white mother it was a boy beforehand she had wished for a girl as being less likely as being what a mother worse than widowed could most effectually shelter but now she did not think or remember this what it was she would not have exchanged for a wilderness of girls it was her own her darling her individual baby already though not an hour old separate and soul in her heart strangely filling up its measure with love and peace pure beautiful innocent life which she fondly imagined in that early passion of maternal love she could guard from every touch of corrupting sin by ever watchful and most tender care and her mother had thought the same most probably and thousands of others think the same and pray to God to purify and cleanse their souls that they may be fit guardians for their little children though how Ruth prayed even while she was yet too weak to speak and how she felt the beauty and significance of the words our father she was roused from this holy abstraction by the sound of Miss Benson's voice it was very much as if she had been crying look Ruth it said softly my brother sends you these they are the first snow drops in the garden and she put them on the pillow by Ruth and the baby lay on the opposite side won't you look at him said Ruth he is so pretty Miss Benson had a strange reluctance to see him to Ruth in spite of all that had come and gone she was reconciled Namor she was deeply attached but over the baby there hung a cloud of shame and disgrace poor little creature her heart was closed against it as she thought but she could not resist Ruth's low-famed voice nor her pleading eyes and she went round to peep at him as he lay on his mother's arm as yet his shield and guard Sally says he will have black hair she thinks said Ruth his little hand is quite a man's already just feel how firmly he closes it and with her own weak fingers she opened his little red fist and taking Miss Benson's reluctant hand placed one of her fingers in his grasp that baby touch called out her love the doors of her heart were thrown open wide for the little infant to go in and take possession ah my darling said Ruth falling back weak and weary if God will but spare you to me never mother did more than I will I have done you a grievous wrong but if I may live I will spend my life in serving you and in serving God said Miss Benson with tears in her eyes you must not make him into an idol or God will perhaps punish you through him a pang of a fright shot through Ruth's heart at these words had she already sinned and made her child into an idol the punishment already in store for her through him but then the internal voice whispered that God was our father and that he knew our frame and knew how natural was the first outburst of a mother's love so although she treasured up the warning she ceased to affright herself for what had already gushed forth now go to sleep Ruth said Miss Benson kissing her and darkening the room but Ruth could not sleep if her heavy eyes closed she opened them again with a start for sleep seemed to be an enemy stealing from her the consciousness of being a mother that one thought excluded all remembrance and all anticipation in those first hours of delight but soon remembrance and anticipation came there was the natural want of the person who alone could take an interest similar in kind though not in amount to the mother's and sadness grew like a giant in the still watches of the night when she remembered that there would be no father to guide and strengthen the child and place him in a favorable position for fighting the hard battle of life she hoped and believed that no one would know and that the struggle might be spared to him but a father's powerful care and mighty guidance would never be his and then in those hours of spiritual purification came the wonder and the doubt of how far the real father would be the one to whom with her desire of heaven for her child whatever might become of herself she would wish to entrust him slight speeches telling of a selfish worldly nature unnoticed at the time came back upon her ear having a new significance they told of a low standard of impatient self indulgence of no acknowledgement of things spiritual and heavenly even while this examination was forced upon her by the new spirit of maternity that had entered into her and made her child's welfare supreme she hated and reproached herself for the necessity there seemed upon her of examining and judging the absent father of her child and so the compelling presence that had taken possession of her wearied her into a kind of feverish slumber in which she dreamed that the innocent babe that lay by her side in soft, ruddy slumber had started up into man's growth and instead of the pure and noble being whom she had prayed to present as her child to our father in heaven he was a repetition of his father and like him lured some maiden who in her dream seemed strangely like herself only more utterly sad and desolate even than she sin and left her there to even worse a fate than that of suicide for Ruth believed there was a worse she dreamt she saw the girl wandering lost and that she saw her son in high places prosperous but with more than blood on his soul she saw her son dragged down by the clinging girl into some pit of horrors into which she dared not look but from whence his father's voice was heard crying aloud that in his day and generation he had not remembered the words of God and that now he was tormented in this flame then she started in sick terror and saw by the dim rush light sally knotting in an armchair by the fire she felt her soft little warm babe nestled up against her breast rocked by her heart which yet beat hard from the effects of the evil dream she dared not go to sleep again but prayed and every time she prayed she asked with a more complete wisdom and a more utter and self forgetting face little child thy angel was with God and drew her near and nearer to him whose face is continually beheld by the angels of little children end of chapter 15 chapter 16 of Ruth this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Cynthia Lyons Ruth by Elizabeth Clegg-Horn Gaskell chapter 16 sally tells of her sweet hearts and discourses on the duties of life sally and miss Benson took it in turns to sit up or rather they took it in turns to nod by the fire for if Ruth was awake she lay very still in the moonlight calm that time resembled a beautiful August evening such as I have seen the white snowy rolling mist covers up under its great sheet all trees and meadows and tokens of earth but it cannot rise high enough to shut out the heavens which on such nights seem bending very near and to be the only real and present objects and so near and present did heaven and eternity and God seemed to Ruth as she lay encircling her mysterious holy child one night sally found out she was not asleep I'm a rare hand at talking folks to sleep said she I'll try on thee for thou must get strength by sleeping and eating what must I talk to thee about whether a love story or a fairy story such as I've tell Master Thurston many a time and many a time for all his father set his face again fairies and called it vain talking or shall I tell you the dinner I once cooked when Mr. Harding as was Miss Faith's sweet heart came unlooked for and we nod in the house but a neck of mutton out of which I made seven dishes though he was a grand gentleman from London as had seen Miss Faith and had been struck by her pretty looks when she was out on a visit and came here to ask her to marry him she said no she would never leave Master Thurston as could never marry but she pined a deal after he went away she kept up a four Master Thurston but I see'd her fretting though I never let on that I did remember it and be thankful and after she'd be the strength to do right however I've no business to be talking of Miss Benson's concern I'll tell you of my own sweet hearts and welcome or I'll tell you of the dinner which was the grandest thing I ever did in my life but I thought a Londoner should never think country folks knew nothing and my word I puzzled him with his dinner I'm doubting whether to this day whether what he was eating was fish, flesh or fowl shall I tell you how I managed but Ruth said she would rather hear about Sally's sweet hearts much to the disappointment of the latter who considered the dinner by far the greatest achievement well you see I don't know as I should call them sweet hearts for accepting John Rawson who was shut up in a madhouse the next week I never had what you may call a downright offer of marriage but once but I had once and so I may say I had a sweetheart I was beginning to be a feared though for one likes to be axed that's but civility and I remember after I had turned 40 and a four Jeremiah Dixon had spoken I began to think John Rawson had perhaps not been so very mad his offer as a madam's if it was to be the only one I was ever to have and I don't mean as I'd have had him but I thought if it was to come or again I'd speak respectful of him to folk and say it were only his way to go about on all fours but that he was a sensible man in most things however I'd had my laugh and so had others at my crazy lover and then however I thought it would be no bad thing to be tried again but I little thought the trial would come when it did you see Saturday night is a leisure night in counting houses and such like places while it's the busiest of all for servants well it was a Saturday night and I'd my bae's apron on and the tails of my bed gown pinned together behind knocked again as if it were too stately to open the door for itself so I got up rather cross and opened the door and there stood Jerry Dixon Mr. Holt's head-clock only he was not head-clock then so I stood stopping up the door fancing he wanted to speak to master but he kind of pushed past me and telling me some about the weather as if I could not see it for myself he took a chair and thought I meaning his self, not his place which I knew must be pretty hot well it seemed no use standing waiting for my gentleman to go not that he had much to say either but he kept twirling his hat round and round and smoothing the nap on it with the back of his hand so at last I squatted down to my work and thinks I I shall be on my knees already if he puts up a prayer for I knew he was a methodology by bringing up and he had only lately turned to master's ways of thinking and them methodies are terrible hands at unexpected prayers when one least looks for him I can't say I like their way of taking one by surprise as it were but then I'm Parish Clark's daughter and could never demean myself to dissenting fashions always save and accept master Thurston's bless him however I've been caught once or twice on a wares so this time I thought I'd be up to it and I moved a dry duster whenever I went to kneel upon in case he began when I were in a wet place by and by I thought if the man would pray it would be a blessing for it would prevent his sending his eyes after me wherever I went for when they takes to praying they shuts their eyes and quivers the lids in a queer kind of way because I can speak pretty plain to you for your bread in the church like myself and must find it out of the way as I do to be among dissenting folk God forbid I should speak disrespectful of master Thurston and Miss Faith though I never think on them as church or dissenters but just as Christians but to come back to Jerry first I tried always to be cleaning at his back but he wheeled round so as always to face me I thought I'd try a different game so I says master Dixon I ask your pardon but I must pipe clay under your chair will you please to move well he moved and by and by I was at him again with the same words and after that again and again till he were always moving about with his chair behind him like a snail as carries its house on its back the same place is twice over at last I got desperate cross he was so in my way so I made two big crosses on the tails of his brown coat for you see wherever he went up or down he drew out the tails of his coat from under him and stuck them through the bars of the chair and flesh and blood could not resist pipe-claying them for him and a pretty brushing he'd have I reckon to get it off again he clears his throat uncommon loud so I spreads my duster and shuts my eyes already but when not come of it I open my eyes a little bit to see what he were about my word if there he wasn't down on his knees right facing me staring as hard as he could well I thought it would be hard work to stand that if he made a long ado so I shut my eyes again and tried to think serious but forgive me but I thought why couldn't the fellow go in and pray with Mass to Thurston as had always a calm spirit ready for prayer instead of me who had my dresser to scour let alone an apron to iron at last he says says he sally will you oblige me with your hand so I thought it were maybe method fashion to pray hand in hand and I'll not deny but I wished I'd washed it better after black letting the kitchen fire I thought I'd better tell him it were not so clean as I could wish so I says Mass to Dixon you shall have it and welcome if I may just go and wash him first but says he my dear sally dirty or clean it's all the same to me seeing I'm only speaking in a figuring way what I'm asking on my bended knees is so kind as to be my wedded wife week after next will suit me if it's agreeable to you my word I were up on my feet in an instant it were odd now weren't it I never thought of taking the fellow and getting married for all I'll not deny I had been thinking it would be agreeable to be axed but all at once I couldn't abide the chap I had been faced as became the occasion but for all that feeling a twittering round my mouth that I were afraid might end in a laugh Mass to Dixon I'm obliged to you for the compliment and thank you all the same but I think I prefer a single life he looked mighty taken aback but in a minute he cleared up and was as sweet as ever he still kept on his knees and I wished he'd take himself up but I reckon it would give force to his words says he think again my dear Sally I have a four room house and furniture conformable and eighty pound a year you may never have such chance again there were truth enough in that but it was not pretty in the man to say it and it put me up a bit as for that neither you nor I can tell Mass to Dixon you're not the first chap as I've had down on his knees you see I was thinking of John Rawson only I thought there were no need to say he were on all fours it were truth he were on his knees you know and maybe you'll not be the last anyhow I've no wish to change my condition just now I'll wait till Christmas says he I have a pig as we'll be ready for killing then so I must get married before that well now would you believe it the pig was a temptation I had a receipt for curing hams as Miss Faith would never let me try saying the old way were good enough however I resisted says I very stern because I felt I'd been wavering Mass to Dixon once for all pig or no pig I'll not marry you and if you'll take my advice you'll get up off your knees the flags is but damp yet and it would be an awkward thing to have room at his just before winter with that he got up stiff enough he looked as sulky a chap as ever I clapped eyes on and as he was so black and cross I thought I'd done well whatever came of the pig to say no to him you may live to repent this says he very red but I'll not be hard upon you I'll give you another chance I'll let you have the night to think about it and I'll call in to hear your second thoughts after chapel tomorrow well now did ever you hear the like but that is the way with all of them men thinking so much of their selves and that it's but ask and have they've never had me though and I shall be sixty one next month so there's not much time left for them to try me I reckon well when Jeremiah said that he put me up more than ever and I says my first thoughts second thoughts and third thoughts is all one in the same you've but tempted me once and that was when you spoke of your pig but of yourself you're nothing to boast on and so I'll bid you good night and I'll keep my manners or else if I told the truth or else I should say it had been a great loss of time listening to you but I'll be civil so good night he never said a word but went off as black as thunder slamming the door after him the master called me into prayers but I can't say I could put my mind to them for my heart was beating so however it was a comfort to have had an offer of holy matrimony and though it flustered me I thought of myself in the night I began to wonder if I'd not been cruel and hard to him you see I were feverish like and the old song of Barbary Allen would keep running in my head and I thought I were Barbary and he were young Jimmy Gray and that maybe he'd die for love of me and I pictured him to myself lying on his deathbed with his face turned to the wall and I could have pinched myself for having been so like cruel Barbary Allen and when I got up next day I found it hard to think on the real Jerry Dixon I had seen the night before apart from the sad and sorrowful Jerry I thought on a dying when I were between sleeping and waking and for many a day I turned sick when I heard the passing bell for I thought it was a bell loud which were to break my heart with a sense of what I'd missed in saying no to Jerry and so idling him with cruelty but in less than a three week I heard parish bells are ringing merrily for a wedding and in the course of the morning someone says to me Hark how the bells is ringing for Jerry Dixon's wedding and all on a sudden he changed back again from a heartbroken young fellow like Jimmy Gray with a wart on his left cheek like life Sally waited for some exclamation at the conclusion of her tale but receiving none she stepped softly to the bedside and there lay Ruth peaceful as death with her baby on her breast I thought I'd lost some of my gifts if I could not talk a body to sleep said Sally in a satisfied and self complacent tone youth is strong and powerful and makes a hard battle against sorrow so Ruth strove and strengthened and her baby flourished accordingly and before the little salendines were out on the hedge banks or the white violets had sent forth their fragrance from the border under the south wall of Miss Benson's small garden Ruth was able to carry her baby into that sheltered place on sunny days she often wished to thank Mr. Benson and his sister but she did not know how to tell the deep gratitude she felt and therefore she was silent but they understood her silence well one day as she watched her sleeping child she spoke to Miss Benson with whom she happened to be alone do you know of any cottage where the people are clean and where they would not mind was she taking you in what do you mean said Miss Benson dropping her knitting in order to observe Ruth more closely I mean said Ruth where I might lodge with my baby any very poor place would do only it must be clean or he might be ill and what in the world do you want to go and lodge in a cottage for asked Miss Benson indignantly Ruth did not lift up her eyes but she spoke with a firmness which showed that she had considered the subject I think I could make dresses I know I did not learn as much as I might but perhaps I might do for servants and people who are not particular servants are as particular as anyone said Miss Benson glad to lay hold of the first objection that she could well somebody who would be patient with me said Ruth nobody is patient over an ill-fitting gown put in Miss Benson there's the stuff spoiled and what not perhaps I could find plain work to do said Ruth very meekly that I could do very well mama taught me and I like to learn from her if you would be so good Miss Benson you might tell people that I could do plain work very neatly and punctually and cheaply you'd get six pence a day perhaps said Miss Benson and who would take care of baby I should like to know prettily he'd be neglected in the typhus fever in no time and be burnt to ashes after I have thought of all look how he sleeps hush darling for just at this point he began to cry and to show his determination to be awake as if in contradiction to his mother's words Ruth took him up and carried him about the room while she went on speaking yes just now I know he will not sleep but very often he will and in the night he always does so you'd work in the night and kill yourself and leave your poor baby in orphan Ruth I'm ashamed of you now brother Mr. Benson had just come in is this not too bad of Ruth here she is planning to go away and leave us just as we as I at least have grown so fond of baby and he's beginning to know me where were you thinking of going to Ruth interrupted Mr. Benson with mild surprise anywhere to be near you or cottage where I might lodge very cheaply and earn my livelihood by taking in plain sewing and perhaps a little dress making and where I could come and see you and dear Miss Benson sometimes and bring baby if he were not dead before then of some fever or burn or scald poor neglected child or you had not worked yourself to death with never sleeping said Miss Benson Mr. Benson thought a minute or two and then he spoke to Ruth whatever you may do when this little fellow is a year old and able to dispense with some of the mother's care let me beg you Ruth as a favor to me and a still greater favor to my sister is it not faith yes you may put it so if you like to stay with us continued he till then when baby is 12 months old we'll talk about it again and very likely before then some opening may be shown us that you are an idle life Ruth we'll treat you as a daughter and set you all the household tasks and it is not for your sake that we ask you to stay but for this little dumb helpless child and it is not for our sake that you must stay but for his Ruth was sobbing I do not deserve your kindness said she in a broken voice I do not deserve it her tears fell fast and soft like summer rain her heart was spoken Mr. Benson quietly passed on to make the inquiry for which he had entered the room but when there was nothing to decide upon and no necessity for entering upon any new course of action Ruth's mind relaxed from its strung up state she fell into trains of reverie and mournful regretful recollections which rendered her languid and tearful this was noticed both by Ms. Benson and Sally and as each had kind sympathies and felt depressed when they saw anyone near them depressed and as each without much reasoning on the cause or reason for such depression felt irritated at the uncomfortable state into which they themselves were thrown they both resolved to speak to Ruth on the next fitting occasion accordingly one afternoon the morning of that day had been spent by Ruth and housework for she had insisted on Mr. Benson's words and had taken Ms. Benson's share of the more active and fatiguing household duties but she went through them heavily and as if her heart was far away in the afternoon when she was nursing her child Sally on coming into the back parlor found her there alone and easily detected the fact she was crying where's Ms. Benson as Sally gruffly gone out with Mr. Benson answered Ruth with an absent sadness in her voice and manner her tears scarce check while she spoke began to fall afresh and as Sally stood and gazed she saw the babe look back in his mother's face and his little lip began to quiver and his open blue eye to grow over clouded as with some mysterious sympathy with a sorrowful face bent over him Ruth took him briskly from his mother's arms Ruth looked up in grave surprise for in truth she had forgotten Sally's presence and the suddenness of the motion startled her Bonnie boy are they letting the salt tears drop on thy sweet face before thou art weaned little somebody knows how to be a mother I could make a better myself dance thumpkin dance dance ye merry men everyone aye that's it smile my pretty anyone but a child like thee continued she turning to Ruth would have known better than to bring ill luck on thy baby and letting tears fall on its face before it was weaned but thou art not fit to have a baby and so I've said many a time I have a great mind to buy thee a doll and take thy baby myself Sally did not look at Ruth for she was too engaged in amusing the baby with the tassel of the string to the window blind or else she would have seen the dignity which the mother's soul put into Ruth at that moment she was quelled into silence by the gentle composure the self command over her passionate sorrow which gave to Ruth an unconscious grandeur of demeanor as she came up to the old servant give him back to me please I did not know it brought ill luck or if my heart broke I would not have let a tear drop on his face I never will again thank you Sally as the servant relinquished him to her in the name of a mother Sally watched Ruth's grave sweet smile as she followed up Sally's play with the tassel and imitated with all the decility inspired by love every movement and sound which had amused her babe thou be a mother after all said Sally with a kind of admiration of the control which Ruth was exercising over herself but why talk of heart breaking I don't question thee you are gone but now thou art wanting for nothing nor thy child either the time to come is the Lord's and in his hands and yet thou ghost about a sighing and a moaning in a way that I can't stand or thaw what do I do wrong said Ruth I try to do all I can yes in a way said Sally puzzled to know how to describe her meaning thou dosted but there's a right and a wrong way of setting about everything I take a thing up heartily if it is only making a bed why dear army making a bed may be done after a Christian fashion I take it or else what's to come of such as me in heaven who've had little enough time on earth for clapping ourselves down on our knees for said prayers when I was a girl and wretched enough about Master Thurston and the crook on his back I took to praying and sighing and giving up the world and I thought it were wicked to care for the flesh so I made heavy puddings and was careless about dinner and the rooms and thought I was doing my duty though I did call myself a miserable sinner but one night the old Mrs. Master Thurston's mother came in and sat down by me as I was scolding myself without thinking of what I was saying and says she blaming yourself about and groaning over we hear you in the polar every night and it makes my heart ache oh ma'am says I I'm a miserable sinner and I'm travelling in the new birth was that the reason says she while the pudding was so heavy today oh ma'am ma'am said I if you would not think of the things of the flesh but trouble yourself about your immortal soul and I sat down by the sea in her sweet dropping voice I do try to think of my soul every hour of the day if by that you mean trying to do the will of God but we'll talk now about the pudding Master Thurston could not eat it and I know you'll be sorry for that well I was sorry but I didn't choose to say so as she seemed to expect me so I says it's a pity to see children brought up to care for things of the flesh that could have bitten my tongue out for the Mrs. looked so grave and I thought of my darling little lad pining for his want of his food at last says she Sally do you think God has put us into the world just to be selfish and do nothing but see after our own souls or to help one another with heart and hand as Christ did to all who wanted help I was silent for you see she puzzled me so she went on what is that beautiful answer in your church catechism Sally I was pleased to hear a dissenter as I did not think would have done it speak so knowledgably about the catechism and she went on to do my duty in that station of life unto which it shall please God to call me well your station is a servant and it is as honourable as a king's if you look at it right and you are to help and serve others in one way and the king is to help others in another now what way are you to help and serve or to do your duty in that station of life unto which it has please God to call you did it answer God's purpose and serve him when the food was unfit for a child to eat and unwholesome for anyone well I would not give it up I was so pig headed about my soul so says I I wish folks would be content with locusts and wild honey and leave other folks in peace to work out their salvation and I groaned out pretty loud to think of Mrs. Soul I often think since she smiled a bit at me but she said well Sally tomorrow you shall have time to work out your salvation but as we have no locusts in England and I don't think they'd agree with Master Thurston if we had I will come and make the pudding not only for him to like it because everything may be done in a right way or a wrong the right way is to do it as well as we can as in God's sight the wrong is to do it in a self seeking spirit which either leads us to neglect it to follow out some device of our own for our own ends or to give up too much time and thought to it both before and after the doing well I thought of old morning when I saw you making the beds you sighed so you could not half shake the pillows your heart was not in your work and yet it was the duty God had set you I reckon I know it's not the work Parsons preach about though I don't think they go so far off the mark when they read whatsoever thy hand findeth to do that do with all thy might just try for a day to think of all the odd jobs as to be done well in sight not just slurred over anyhow and you'll go through them twice as cheerfully and have no thought to spare for sighing or crying Sally bustled off to set on the kettle for tea and felt half ashamed in the quiet of the kitchen to think of the oration she had made in the parlor but she saw with much satisfaction that hence forward Ruth nursed her boy as if it were the words that were reflected back from him and the household work was no longer performed with a languid indifference as if life and duty were distasteful Miss Benson had her share in this improvement though Sally placidly took all the credit to herself one day as she and Ruth sat together Miss Benson spoke of the child and thence went on to talk about her own childhood of education and the book learning that forms one part of it and the result was that Ruth determined to get up early all through the bright summer mornings to acquire the knowledge hereafter to be given her child her mind was uncultivated by reading scant beyond the mere mechanical arts of education she knew nothing but she had a refined taste and excellent sense with these qualities she set to work under Miss Benson's directions she read in the early morning the books that he had marked out she trained herself with strict perseverance to do all thoroughly she did not attempt to acquire any foreign language although her ambition was to learn Latin in order to teach it to her boy those summer mornings were happy for she was learning neither but to live faithfully and earnestly in the present she rose while the hedge sparrow was yet singing his revel to his mate she dressed and opened her window shading the soft blowing air and the sunny eastern light from her baby if she grew tired she went and looked at him and all her thoughts were holy prayers for him then she would gaze a while at her hands that swelled in waves one behind the other in the grey cool morning light these were her occasional relaxations and after them she returned with strength to her work end of chapter 16