 When we're worried about someone's mental health, how can we start the conversation? That's the topic of today's podcast. Let's jump in. If you're worried about someone's mental health and you just don't know how to get going with that conversation, please rest assured that you're so far from alone on this. I get asked about it all the time. So in today's podcast I'm going to explore just a few tips to help you get started. The best way to have this conversation is in the way that feels most natural for you and reflects the relationship that you have with the person concerned. But hopefully these ideas will give you a bit of confidence and a bit of a springboard to have the courage to go say something. So my first tip is to persevere. So if you're worried about someone, then finding the courage to have that conversation once is not likely to be enough. They might have had ongoing issues for some time and they might be really scared about actually opening up about those issues. They might be worried about how you and other people might react or fear of the unknown and what might happen next. Or they might be upset or confused about their own thoughts and feelings. So there's lots of different things that might hold them back. They might just not have the right words to say. Maybe they've never spoken about this before and just finding the words is a real challenge. And that acts as a block and keeps them quiet too. So don't just ask once. Persevere. Let them know that you are there for them if they need you and keep on reaching out that hand of friendship, of parentship, of teachership, of whatever your relationship is to them. One thing just to bear in mind here is that it's not enough just to say, my door's always open. I'm here if you need me. That's a really kind and helpful thing to say. But for someone who's scared about opening up, we need to keep on offering again and again. And it might not be the first time, the second time, the third time that we offer to listen and we offer that listening ear that they take us up on it. It might be the fifth, the sixth, the seventh time. But saying, hey, I'm ready to listen. Is there anything you want to talk about providing that safe space is super important. So just keep on trying. And you never know when the right moment might actually eventually come. My second tip about having these early mental health conversations is to enable chat to happen whilst doing. So I often talk about walking and talking. But equally, you might sort of busy alongside or do an activity with the person that you're concerned about. When we kind of sit in an interview situation where we're like face to face, that feels pretty intense and can feel real damp now on conversation happening just because it feels kind of scary. Whereas if we're like walking alongside each other or maybe we're next to each other doing some art or even like driving in the car, watching TV, writing together, maybe it's a child at home that you're worried about. And you might just kind of clean nearby while they're doing their homework or something just chatting whilst things are happening, doing something together can sort of lend itself to conversation naturally flowing. And you might find that there's a way in there then to these more challenging topics. When we're doing alongside it allows us also to be better listeners and to allow the silences to happen which are so needed for processing and finding calm for the person who's opening up. So chat whilst doing is tip number two. Tip number three is say something. Please, please say something. So so many people that I speak to, work with, get asked for advice from are held back from having these early conversations about mental health with a loved one or a colleague because they're worried that they're going to get it wrong. The thing is that the the only really wrong thing to do is nothing at all. As soon as you say something, as soon as you open up that conversation and you let someone know that you're worried about them and you're here to support them or listen, then they know that somebody cares. And yeah, that conversation could go any one of a number of ways. You might be met with anger or sadness or distress or just silence. But whatever you're faced with, even if it feels suboptimal, actually, you have let that person know that you care. Suddenly, they're not alone with this anymore. And suddenly, there's a potential root, a potential person who they might be able to share this burden with. So say something, even if you don't have the right thing to say, you'll never feel perfectly prepared to just suck it up, feel the fear, do it anyway, have the conversation, even if it's not perfect. The fourth tip I want to share is just to act normally. So just because the person that you're concerned about might have a mental health issue doesn't mean they suddenly morphed into some alien from another planet with whom you don't know how to interact. So sometimes our concerns about them gets in the way of us just carrying on with the relationship in the way that we used to have it. So think about how you would normally talk with them. Think about the things you would normally do together and use those things as your bridges and as your way in. Just treat them like a normal person, just one that you're a little bit worried about. And don't make everything about this issue whatever it might be. Remember also all the things that you love about them, because even if there's something really significant going on, maybe they've got an eating disorder saying it's a big thing and it might take some time to acknowledge and overcome and there might be all sorts of stuff there. But they need you as someone who loves and cares about them to remember who they are outside of this issue, outside of this distress. And it's really important throughout actually that we hang on to that. We remember the bigger them, the greater them, the them outside of these issues. Because those are the things they're going to need to hook on to as they work their way through this and towards recovery. So yeah, just act normally, remember what you love about them anyway, what you respect about them, what you think is brilliant about them. And don't let your fear get in the way of being able to reach out and help them. Just because you don't understand everything that's going on with this new part of their life doesn't mean that you can't hold on to the bits that you know from the old life that the two of you might have had together, depending on what your relationship was like. Draw on that and let it help to move you forwards. Tip number five for opening up conversations about mental health is no judgment. This is the thing, when I speak with young people about how adults can help them in terms of being a good listener, the thing that comes up more than anything is that they don't want to be judged and they fear being judged, that either they'll be seen as attention seeking or overreacting, or that what they're doing will be seen as ridiculous or stupid or horrific or there's all sorts of different judgments that they fear will be placed on them. And actually what they need to know is that you'll listen non-judgmentally, that you will still respect them and see them as the same person before they opened up about these issues and that you can see beyond those issues and see the person that they are beyond that. So it goes back to the other point about still treating them normally. So try not to be judgmental of them, their experiences, their feelings, their behaviors, trying to lose all of that judgment but instead just being a curious, supportive, engaged, non-judgmental listener. You may need to reassure and remind often that you're not going to judge, that you will love them unconditionally, you'll care for them unconditionally regardless of what they're going to tell you, you can't reiterate this point too much and it will bring great relief to the person that you're supporting. Tip number six is to let them tell their story. This is not your story, you might think you know how it ends but actually when you jump in and you try and tell their story for them sometimes you get it wrong and depending on your relationship and the power dynamics with that person then sometimes they feel obliged to go along with your version of events. What you're looking to do is to kind of enable them to tell their story so allowing a blank canvas and a safe space so that they can begin to explore this. Yeah it might take them a while, they might not have the right words, they might not know how to put it, they might be scared, it will be a stumbly, fumbly, imperfect process but actually them finding their way through the telling of this story is the very first and hugely important part of beginning any kind of journey of recovery and healing. So give them space to tell their story, it's not your story to tell, your role here is one of listener, supporter, advocate, it's not the one of storyteller. And then my final tip for early mental health conversations is to think together with the person that you're listening to about next steps. So this conversation will have been incredibly challenging for them and it needs to feel like it was worthwhile that something different is going to happen as a result of this conversation having taken place. So you could think with them maybe brainstorm together about what might make things feel a little bit easier right now, today, tomorrow in the short term and then you might think together about what would be appropriate next steps, keep them small, keep them achievable but that might be about people that you might tell or help that might be sought or adjustments that could be asked for for example. It really depends on what the thing is that they're opening up about but having an idea about what will happen next is really important. If your relationship is for example teacher people at school as I know is the case for many, many people listening in, then you might not quite know exactly what the next best step is and this might be that you've got a young person who's opened up to you because they trust you but this isn't your typical role and so you don't know quite what to do next. In those instances your next step is to agree a time to meet with the young person again when then you will agree the best next steps and in the meantime you would go off, do a bit of research, find out what support can be put in place or what should happen next for that young person. So a really reasonable next step would be thank you so much for trusting me, for opening up to me and for allowing me to support you with this. I really care and I really want to help you. I need to go and do a little bit of work to find out what we're able to do in order to best support you. How about if we meet again tomorrow at quarter to nine before registration and we discuss what should happen next then? Does that sound okay? So that's a perfectly appropriate next step for that young person. So hopefully there are some ideas in here which will empower you to think about having those early conversations. It's so important that we say something. The worst thing we can do is say nothing at all so don't wait until you feel totally ready, just crack on, have the conversation, embrace the awkward and allow the person that you're worried about to feel a little less alone. So just a quick recap on the tips that I shared today. We thought about persevering. You're not going to just ask once whether you can support and whether they would like to talk about something. You're going to ask many times until the time feels right. We thought next about chatting whilst doing, walking and talking or doing activities alongside someone to allow the conversation to flow more naturally. We remembered that we need to say something, that nothing is the worst thing of all and saying something even if you're met with distress shows that person that they're no longer alone with these issues. Tip number four was about acting normally and holding onto the things that you respect and love about the person that you care about and reminding yourself they're not a foreign alien just because they suddenly have this issue that you don't quite know how to tackle. There's loads about them that you do understand and tap into those things. Number five was about being sure not to judge them and reassuring them that our view of that person is not going to change based on what they have so bravely told us today. And number six was about creating a safe space where they can tell their story and remembering always and no matter how tempting it is for us to fill in the gaps they must tell their story. It is not our story to tell. And then finally wrapping up the conversation by thinking about what happens next where possible brainstorming that with the person that you're supporting and acknowledging that sometimes the best next step is just to arrange the next time that you will speak so you can go off and do some research or get some help for yourself in the meantime. I hope that there were some ideas in here that you felt able to take away. Thank you so much for listening and do drop me a line on the socials if there are any topics you would like me to cover in future episodes. Until next time, over and out.