 when you do this the narcissist will come back the narcissist left you with a broken heart they left you to deal with the pain on your own and you may fear that you lost something good you may fear that they could have been something more if you didn't let them slip away you may feel like there's a void that only they can fill you may crave their validation so you may want them to come back but you may also feel like you should move on you're not sure what you should do next but whether you want to get them back or if you want to move on the path is exactly the same it's the same process but right now it's difficult for you to do that because you're stuck in the trauma bond you're addicted to the narcissist it's like a drug and moving on is like going through withdrawal it's painful so you may be willing to do anything to get them back because you desire that connection you want to feed your addiction but when you do that they're never going to feel the pain of losing you instead it's going to decrease the significance and risk while you're left still addicted to them and you're still trying to feed your addiction but the more that you reach out to them the more it decreases the significance and risk them losing you which is why months or even years may go by but you never move on you never get over them and they may never get over you but they're still using you for validation you may be feeding your addiction but it's not what you really want you don't feel comfortable or secure so what you need to do if you want to get them back or if you want to move on you need to have a complete separation from them you need to cut them off you need to go no contact because when you do that it will have them running back to you or it will help you to move on if that's what you want to do when the narcissist disgards you you may feel emotional you may say or do things that you will later regret and you may also end up pushing them away when you may just want them to come back which is why no contact is so important during this time because you may be angry hurt or afraid and being in contact with them during this time may cause these feelings to become progressively worse when you go no contact with the narcissist it creates an element of mystery it leaves them to think about where you are and what you're doing it creates consequences for the decision that they have made because if they have chosen to leave you and you're still responding to their text and answering their phone calls every day there is no consequence for them leaving you because they still have your attention so they're not going to feel like they've lost anything and they're not going to regret the decision that they made because you're still there which is why you need to go no contact so that they will realize what they've done so that they will feel that sense of loss because now you're no longer there and it's the result of their decision you're hanging on to them because of fear because you think it's the best way to keep them around but by doing that they're not feeling like they've lost anything because you're still communicating with them so they're not going to know what their life will be like without having you there the narcissist discarded you but you want to hear from them you want them to come back so if they message you you tend to overvalue it because it feels like hope it feels like there's a chance that they could come back but if they left you they shouldn't even be contacting you unless it's to tell you that they made a mistake and they want you back but they will still contact you because they want validation and they may still be uncertain about their decision so they want to check in with you to see if you're hurting to see if you can't move on because then that will confirm to them that they made the right decision by leaving you they're reaching out to you because they're selfish and they're using you they're only being kind because they want something from you which is why they're breadcrumming you it's why they're giving you more source of their attention instead of what you really deserve which is why you need to go no contact to show them that they made a decision because it was how they wanted it to be if you continue to respond to them you're just going to be making them feel safe and secure and they're not going to feel any fear of losing you you may want to show them that they're missing out by not being with you but the more you respond to them the less likely it is that that will happen because you're making them feel safe and comfortable they know you're still there they know you're in pain and as long as you're in pain they know you're not going anywhere so there's no incentive for them to behave differently because you're just making them feel better about the decision they've made but when you go no contact when you focus on yourself and your own life again they will sense that your energy is slipping away they will realize that you're not responding to them in the way that you used to they will sense that something has changed and then they will feel losing you they will reach out to you and they will try to come back thank you for watching if you found this video helpful please give it a thumbs up share your thoughts in the comment section hit the subscribe button to receive the notifications if you would like to support the channel you can donate at payable.me slash NARC survivor you can book a one-on-one with me on my website it's NARC survivor the code at UK thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon