 everybody how you guys doing tonight me I'm doing I'm wonderful you know it's my favorite time of the day hashtag LNT episode 24 of the special Ramadan series so as I said yes 24 you guys only have six days left until the end of Ramadan to participate and have your names placed in the flesh and the blessed fishbowl as I like to say but anyways is there some sort of abuse going on at home whether there is or whether it isn't do stay tuned because tonight we're talking about something very important something very crucial that can benefit everyone that's watching us tonight but before that was going to jump into what's trending and come back very soon so do stay tuned welcome back dear viewers hope everyone is enjoying their night tonight now you guys remember the video of the Chinese glass bridge that's in China that went viral all over the internet while China is planning to take it up a notch where they're planning a bungee jump off of that building 260 meters high 853 feet this is crazy if anyone is trying to jump off of that well you have to wait if you want something bigger than you have to wait for the Grand Canyon glass bridge in August 2018 because that's going to be the tallest building a glass building for bungee jumping so guys whoever wants to die just go there because for me even if they give a million dollars I won't go because I'm scared of you know hundred meter heights but anyways yeah listen to this the next thing was trending a guy from Texas working in his garden he sees a rattlesnake so what he does he's brave he's courageous he goes picks it up and kills it the decapitates it he beheads it what ends up happening this guy's just carrying the snake and the snake bites him after it's decapitated the remains of the snake the head bites him and interestingly for whoever is out there and is trying to kill a rattlesnake kill it and let it go kill it and let it go that's it don't try to pick it up and take out a souvenir no cuz it'll start to bite you this guy took 26 doses of anti-venom just to get him healed which is crazy but anyways this guy is safe and sound now nothing's wrong with him but you know try to to play careful don't don't act too brave and then you end up getting bit by a snake you know be be be cool be cool but anyways let's go jump into tonight's topic because it's very interesting and I'm liking it once again we welcome everyone joining us tonight now all you husbands watching us tonight yeah I'm talking you now tonight's topic is about you guys and how hashtag L&T's come in to discuss important things with you guys is it your wife the most closest and dearest person to you right you do your best just to make her happy right if someone was come if someone came to hurt her you try to defend her right if that's true then why on earth when something is bothering you brezz or you get an argument with her you turn into Hulk and you start Hulk smashing her is that what you guys plan to on how you want to run the house or be the authority in your house is that how you should be you want to be the head of your household well tonight I want to talk about something very important tonight we're trying to talk about domestic violence and its relation with Islam and how Islam looks at it so I stay going to his question for the night is does Islam permit domestic violence basic question does Islam permit or does it not all you have to do is participate by picking up the phone opening the unlock your phone verse opening what's up down the numbers from right now plus nine six four seven seven four zero six seven eighteen thirty six and let us know if you think Islam does encourage domestic violence let us know why if you think Islam does not encourage domestic violence also let us know why one important thing to keep in mind as I mentioned before six days left until the end of Ramadan so that means you guys have six days to participate as basic as that so I'll leave you for a quick break and to come back very very short to continue talking about this very very important topic welcome back your viewers and once again we do welcome everyone to hashtag LNT episode 24 the sirens are kicking off behind me hope everything everyone's all right but tonight as I mentioned we're talking about domestic violence and the question for tonight for you guys to participate and let us know what you think does Islam permit domestic violence basic question if you think it does if you think Islam tells the man to beat the wife tells the man to hit the kids tells the man to be the dictatorship or the dictator of the house let us know the sirens are getting closer all right but you know what's that about passed by we're back basic question does Islam permit domestic violence all you got to do is pick up the phone let us know what you guys think first I would like to begin by you know defining what domestic violence is now domestic violence is any intentional and persistent abusive behavior towards the woman of the house towards your spouse I'll go through some examples on what kind of domestic violence are out there what kind of abuses out there that are considered under the umbrella of domestic violence number one we're talking about name-calling and put downs so it's straightforward you give her names which are not nice you swear at her foul language and so on and so forth keeping the spouse away from her family from her friends and not allowing her to see them or talk to them number three withholding money from her being stringy you'll give her you won't spend on her you won't do anything to her number four stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job which is important especially in the West and even the East now you know a lot of husbands won't allow their wives to go to work or get a job at the same time number five actual or threatening physical harm and that's very dangerous sometimes because as we'll talk about later on if someone was to be in that situation physical and emotional harm are on the way number six stalking husbands if you're overprotective Baba chill chill for a bit I know husbands that stalk their wives that I tell them Baba you don't have to do that why do you marry in the first place if you can't trust her if she's gonna cheat she's gonna cheat in front of you behind your back if you just care what you're behind your back but if she's gonna cheat then Baba find other ways as we'll get to you know we'll give you a solution but don't stalk her it doesn't look nice doesn't especially when you share it some guy actually shares it like oh I stalked my wife to work now chill you don't need to do that number seven intimidation you try to intimidate you try to be you know the tough guy you know try to be in Avengers trying to turn on the Hawk chill really really chill now domestic violence often occurs over a period of time it's not just one incident I said no over a period of time where victims of domestic violence experience a range of emotions including number one fear reluctance uncertainty worry and fear and those are and stress those are very dangerous for women because a woman is she's fragile you know she doesn't need a man that is trying to act strong in the house no she's a soft man a nice hearted man you know Ahmed Ali has all of those but domestic violence can impact upon a person's self-esteem and confidence at the same time all of which can leave an abusive relationship adorning and frightening one because it's it's as I mentioned earlier it's one of the things that not all women and not every woman not every woman in the world doesn't want a man to create a daunting and an abusive relationship now what are the causes or what are the effects of domestic violence and this is very important for us to talk about tonight now the effect of domestic violence they have a wide range as to what are the effects to it in some cases the impact of domestic violence is fatal if you're beating your wife you know and and people become creative in this as to how to you know how to go down the road of domestic violence they become creative with the names they become creative with the punishment they become creative with the beating you know it's it's it's traumatizing for the woman and I hope that whoever is is is what is experiencing this to to get out of that relationship or find a solution because it's it's it's really bad but with that comes the not so obvious a survey was done in back in 2005 and the they surveyed a few countries you utopia sorry my utopia Tanzania Ethiopia Bangladesh and other countries where they find a lot of women reported domestic violence abuse from their husbands or from their spouse now there's only one country and one country only Japan which reported to have less than 20% or 20% domestic violence reports from women by their husbands and you know we know that the Japanese are in front of us every time but you know even in God forbid domestic violence this is this is something to worry about and take into consideration but we just received an audio message from Ma'asoma from India what does she say Salam alaikum well and I know circumstances domestic violence against women is allowed in Islam we have many examples in Quran and hadith that describes the behavior of Muslims to us husband and wife Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala says in the Quran O believers treat women with kindness even if you dislike them it is quite possible that you dislike something which Allah might yet make a source of abundant good this was is from Surah Nissa Ayat number 19 thank you thank you very much Ma'asoma from India let's let's write her name down into the fishbowl Ma'asoma from India okay thank you very much Ma'asoma from India for joining us tonight first name to go into the fishbowl today now as I was mentioning earlier there are a lot of issues going on with domestic violence not only the women is affected by domestic violence the children are also affected by it the rates of children being abusive and juvenile rates they're four times higher than the regular person who the ones who witness violence in and home are four times higher than regular children though so when they grow up it's four times for them to actually commit violence commit crimes and so on and so forth so it's very dangerous for a child to be in in a very abusive relationship with the dad and the mom you know if the dad is abusing the mom and the child sees it or hears it they're gonna suffer a lot first from anxiety second from depression that child will feel depressed and honestly he will have the wrong image of a proper husband when he grows up because you know the perfect role model in the house or the only role model the male role model in the house is the dad and if the dad is abusing the mom if he's hurting the mom he's beating the mom and the kid sees it imagine what goes through the kids head just imagine that and that's very dangerous for the kid to witness now I would like so before we do that let's let's pull up this text message we got Yasin from the UK he says no it does not so Islam does not because it is haram to hit your wife it is mostly cultural customs that causes domestic violence and not the religion of Islam Yasin from the UK thank you very much Yasin for joining us tonight the second name going into the blessed fishbowl now I would like to go and check out what the expert has for us today sister Barak Hussain aka the Muslim counselor psychotherapist from Ottawa Canada let's go see what she has to say about domestic violence Salam alaikum this is sister Barak Hussain the Muslim counselor I'm a registered psychotherapist when we talk about violence domestic abuse automatically think about violence against women the reality is it's also violence against men but we don't really hear much about that is not many men will come out and talk about it but in general the statistics show that it is women who are experiencing this type of violence so when we hear the word domestic violence or abuse you automatically think about physical abuse but abuse doesn't necessarily just mean the physical by hitting or beating it could also be mental financial psychological sexual social it depends on a whole range of what you know the circumstances are so when we talk about this issue it's very sensitive obviously within our communities especially within the Muslim community the reality is just like other mental health issues the effects of violence and domestic abuse and all of that it is happening and we're not really doing much about it in terms of supporting we've started to talk about these issues including this one so let's discuss this a little bit more so let's take a look at some of the causes of why this type of violence occurs in the home so there's many reasons and one of which the most predominant one could be because there's a violence like a cycle right so this circle this cycle rather that is hard to break where somebody grows up in a household where they are experiencing this type of violence and believe this is the way how to treat each other whether it's you know a man abusing a woman or a woman abusing a man and so this child grows up in this environment believing this is how you're treating other people and they will continue this type of behavior with their partners and people around them as well so that could be it it doesn't matter how rich you are how poor you are it doesn't matter how educated or uneducated you are what kind of background you come from this is experienced in all backgrounds unfortunately and I've seen way too many clients from different backgrounds that have disclosed this type of behavior from people that you wouldn't expect as well and from people for example that you would think who are teaching other people about it or could be religious scholars or it could be people in high positions who are still inflicting this kind of violence against their children and women or vice versa in terms of the woman inflicting this upon her family so it's happening so many different causes and we can't really bring it down to dynamics such as poverty or education although this is this is where the statistics show that you know this is happening I would bring it down to power dynamics low self-esteem low self-confidence and so when one person doesn't feel confident in themselves and happy within themselves they exert that power dynamic to making other people feel bad so that they can feel better so whether it's a man doing that to his wife or a woman doing that to her husband it happens like that and of course the cycle will continue as the child is observing this type of behavior so these are some of the causes of this now in terms of the effects the effects are detrimental again it's a domino effect right so a young child who is observing this growing up in this home where this type of behaviors model to them they will continue this behavior but it will also impact them in the sense that it could affect their sense of self their world in terms of the trust of the people around them when they're seeing this type of abuse and violence it's hard to trust other adults it's hard to trust let's say a woman if it's a mother that is hurting a child or if a father is hurting the child so that that will also affect their dynamics it will definitely affect their mental well-being you will find children let's say at school who are very drawn and isolated or they may be bullying or acting out as well so this is some of the effects that you see now let's say this violence is against women the woman will also exhibit behaviors of fear being isolated not let's say interacting within the community always have excuses if there is violence shown on her bruises so there's a lot of these types of behaviors and we know this and we just need to look around within our communities and we can recognize to see some of this behavior exhibited and it is frightening as well we don't really see it much in men exhibited like it is in women but men will disclose to close friends and I've also I've heard this from clients as well as people in the community who reach out who have experienced this type of abuse at home that how it affects them you know they don't really feel respected they don't really feel that they are the provider or just respected in the relationship so it can definitely impact people this way they can't reach their full potential they can't contribute to their society their community they don't do well at school they don't do well in their work and you can sense that around them the lack of confidence within themselves solutions I mean I'm just describing a little bit there's so much more but in terms of solutions this really comes with education like I said it doesn't matter what background you are from whether you're high class low class you know come from a rich background or impoverished you know education whatnot it doesn't matter but in terms of figuring out the solutions it does come with education in terms of teaching that this is not right looking at the impact and the effects of this on the generations right so part of the solution is to have more awareness within our communities so within the Muslim community for example yeah we've heard about you know some discussion within the context of violence but not necessarily talking about solutions on how to prevent it for example you have a family where they're dealing with this and a woman needs to get away from this household yet she's not supported within the community it's like be patient or you know the community leaders of the Sheikh will tell her be patient and we know that you know staying home and being beaten and front of the children how does this impact the children it's traumatizing for them she's supposed to be patient with that no or a man who is also you know is afraid of leaving the household because of the children and whatnot and he's in a situation where he's unhappy and he's being disrespected and abused from his partner again we said abuse doesn't necessarily mean physical it could be disrespected and abused from his partner again we said abuse doesn't necessarily mean physical it could be emotional it could be psychological could be financial and is a little bit different between men and women although i have heard stories of women also inflicting physical violence upon men so solution is about being more aware bringing awareness into our centers and to our communities and to the families and really stopping it when somebody comes to you and you sense this is happening um and and somebody does come to you and tell you about to support them don't judge them provide them resources where they can get legal supports if they're you know talking about finding a safe space for these people to to get away from the the violent situation because it can really get out of hand sometimes to the point where unfortunately and we've had cases and stories where a woman would leave with her children a violent partner and uh she had no support from the community no financial support no emotional support and felt that she had to go back to him because he was this little provider going back to him resulted in her death and the children's death because he turned violently murderous and he killed them so unfortunately these things happen we don't want it to get to that level from an Islamic perspective again I'm not a scholar but this is basic knowledge that we all have and we can easily access this knowledge there's nowhere in Islam where it says we can inflict violence upon another human being and especially within our relationships whether it's a man to his partner to his wife or a woman to her husband or towards children and our elderly as well and this is exemplified the gentle manner with the Prophet and the Ahlul Bayt alaykum as-salam the men of the household how they treated the women of their household whether it was their wives their daughters their sisters and we just have to look at their prime example of how they respected and honored their women thank you very much sister Barak Hossein for joining us tonight very important points you mentioned there and especially the solutions now you mentioned how men sometimes don't suffer I know two women suffer from domestic violence well it's not domestic violence but it's some sort of abuse from their wives it's it's sad but you know I don't want to get into that topic but anyways thank you very much sister Barak Hossein for joining us tonight once again the Muslim counselor from Ottawa Canada now before sister Barak Hossein we're mentioning some few few points that we shared with her but now I want to focus on one important topic and one important part of tonight's episode not talking about the Islam's point of view of domestic violence now sister Barak let's talk about it a little bit but as soon as we talk about Islam abuse Islam domestic violence Islam beating Islam hurt you know the people who are educated they're gonna bring up a verse the haters will try to retaliate and say oh wait hold on hold on hold on chapter three chapter four verse 34 Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala they're gonna say that your god says in that verse that go beat my wife and the men are superior to women are you really understanding the verse in that way you know for me as a Muslim I'm not trying to defend but I'm just trying to say the true fact about my religion two different things now if we were to go and examine the verse if we were to go and read the verse and clear some of the misconceptions that revolve around this verse the verse begins and the man doesn't mean superior superiority no it doesn't it means men are the protectors a person who is on his house it means he is the sustainer of that house he's the one that suffies the women of her needs suffies the kids suffies everything that they need now let's read out this verse very quickly says men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more strength than the other because they support them from their means therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them guard what am I talking about we'll get to the explain later as for those as for those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and is ill-condent conduct, admonish, admonish them first, second it means rebuke them, second don't share their beds so if it happens the second time don't share beds with them meaning don't sleep with them and last beat them we'll get to talk about later on but between brackets lighten but if they return to obedience seek not against them any needs and annoyance for Allah is the most high and great chapter four verse 34 we'll explain this but after we read this text message from Razia from Norway we have to look at the way that Prophet Muhammad treated his wives he was never ill-mannered towards his wives even though a couple of them were disrespectful towards him thank you very much Razia once again for joining us tonight in tonight's episode your name is already in the bowl so give the chance for others to participate as well we're getting a few facebook comments on facebook coming in right now they're saying something wrong with the sound we do apologize there is a kind of malfunction going on with the sound system so we'll try to fix it out very soon inshallah but if we were to explain that verse that we just mentioned chapter four versus 34 first and foremost there are two clarifications for this number one it doesn't apply to any woman only those women who are rebellious to their husbands rebellious doesn't mean that when you get home you don't see the food ready when you tell her go be a dishes she says yeah wait in like five minutes or you know go go do the laundry says yeah like 10 or 15 minutes tomorrow whatever that doesn't mean she's rebellious what rebellious means is that whenever you tell her to go on the right path she goes astray and that's really important to keep in mind number two is the problem of hitting in the quran in that in that verse right there it says the man should be the wives if you were to go and read the narrations and how you know the quran if any ordinary person was to read it they won't understand the majority of the verses some are straightforward yes some we have to go and refer back to the adhan bait and refer back to the traditions now what are the traditions what do they say that adhan bait say that don't beat them don't leave bruises don't leave broken bones don't bruise their face beat them lightly symbolic tapping of the hand so it's a way where you say that you're unhappy with what she's doing that's it if she does repeat again don't sleep with it if she doesn't repeat again then that's it they just just end that relationship because an unhealthy relationship will destroy their life and her life at the same time so therefore Islam does not permit domestic violence anywhere and anywhere else so that's it for tonight if you're sitting next to your wife and if you're not if you're sitting next to her give her a hug give her a kiss on the cheek if you're not should a text message it's from hashtag LNT come in her way and everyone's way inshallah hope everyone has a healthy relationship because honestly that's what hashtag LNT wants everyone to have a healthy relationship we love everyone joining us tonight and everyone who was joining us and has joined us in the previous episode remembers and remember to call in and participate in the upcoming episode it's 2 a.m. come a lot of time 12 a.m. London time 7 p.m. Washington DC time do stay tuned for the upcoming episode wa s-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh