 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris in his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with High Hole from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Here's a man who wants us to settle an argument for him. He's Mr. O. Beck of South Perry Street, Chicago. Mr. Beck writes, one person claims there are two Jell-Os. Another tells me there's only one Jell-O, which is right. Well, Mr. Beck, that's one argument which is easily settled. There is only one Jell-O. The name Jell-O is a trademark, the property of general foods. If you hear any other gelatin dessert called Jell-O, you'll know that that is incorrect. Well, there is no other Jell-O. That's why we always urge you to ask for Jell-O by name, whenever and whenever you buy it and order it. Whether it's from your grocer or in a restaurant. And here's something you'll want to know. Restaurants serving real Jell-O can now display an autographed picture of Jack Many. So look for his picture as your assurance that they serve genuine Jell-O. And remember, to enjoy Jell-O's extra-rich fruit flavor, Jell-O's delicious true fruit goodness, always insist by name on the one and only genuine Jell-O. Played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we have a little surprise for you. Jack wired us that owing to a slight delay on the train, he'll be just a few minutes late. So in the meantime, while we're waiting for Jack, I'll turn the microphone over to his good friend and pinch-hitter, Georgie Jussle. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Jell-O again. This is George Jussle to stand in talking. And I want to tell you folks, I'm very happy to be here tonight for two reasons. First, it's an honor and a pleasure to help Jack out, and second, it's a job. And of course, Don, it's nice to be working with you too. Well, thank you, Georgie. I think we'll get along just fine. Oh, by the way, Don, Jack does expect to give me something for this. I mean, I hope he won't take advantage of our friendship. Oh, no, Georgie. Jack wouldn't do a thing like that. I'm sure he'll compensate you for your work. Well, I hope it's with money. You see, Don, I've already got a Boy Scout knife. And I don't mind playing benefits for the needy, but after all, Jack is not the starving Armenian. I think you'll find Jack perfectly fair. I'll be happy if I can find them. Well, well, how you feel? I'm glad to see you. Hello, Georgie. Are you substituting here too? No, I'm on the program every Sunday. Oh. Say, Georgie, I heard you're talking to Don. Are you worried whether or not Jack's gonna pay you for tonight? Well, Phil, I'm not exactly worried, but I'd like to do one program or I don't have to ride in a path for my lawyer. Anyway, Don, what happened to Jack, and why is he late? Well, it seems that Jack's butler Rochester got off the train at Albuquerque and Jack went out to look for him. I see. And the train pulled away without him. Well, any train that would do that, I'll bet it whistles at girls at every crossing. Well, I guess he'll be here pretty soon, though. He's on a pretty fast train right now. Well, Rochester, we're rolling right along now. Yeah, Mr. Billy, it sure is a long trip. I'll say. Just think four whole days on a train. Oh, well, we'll be home pretty soon. I hope so. We're running out of sandwiches. Well, we would have been home yesterday if you hadn't got off at Albuquerque to look at those Indians. I thought I was back in Harlem. Harlem, I told you before all those people at the station were Indians. Indians? Yes. Well, just the same, I saw a Papu's eating a pork chop. Well, what of it? He can be an Indian and still eat a pork chop. I know, but he had it between two slices of watermelon. All right, you win. But I want to tell you something, Rochester. It's the last time I'm going to take you to New York. You're supposed to help me the only time I saw you is when you needed money. Well, you spent more than I did. That ain't no record. Now, never mind that. Another thing you lied to me, you told me you needed the money for a new soup. Now, where is it? The soup? Yes, the soup. You mean the one I had my heart set on? Yes. Where is that new soup I gave you the money for? Well, I'll tell you, boss. I was on my way to the store and got mixed up in a game of Paterson badminton. Oh, so you lost your suit in a crap game, huh? Yes, sir. I rolled myself right out of the Easter parade. Oh, you did. Well, it's a good thing we're going home. Say, Mr. Benny, who's taking your place on the program tonight? A fellow named Georgie Gessel. He's a great pal of mine is. Georgie Gessel? Yeah. You know I've never seen him. What does he look like? Well, I'd say the Gessel was medium height, nice personality, looks something like an anteater. Although I doubt if he does. Say, is there a radio in this observation car? There's one right over there by that lady. Oh, fine. Pardon me, madam. Do you mind if I tune in the radio? No, not at all. Go right ahead. Thanks. I'm very anxious to hear the Jack Benny program. You're just the type. Well, there's a fan for you. Rochester, tune in NBC. It's around 65 on the dial there. Yes, sir. So therefore, ladies and gentlemen, insist on genuine jello. It is America's leading dessert. That's it, Rochester. It's Don Wilson all right. And it comes in six delicious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. That was very good, Don. What you said was not only thrilling, but educational. Uh-oh, we got the wrong program. Quiet, that Mr. Gessel. Oh. Well, Don, how am I doing so far? Do you think I'm handling the program all right? Well, to tell you the truth, Georgie, and please, don't repeat this to Jack. Oh, you can trust me. You know, I think you've given this program new life. Frankly, you're much more amusing than Jack. He ain't kidding, Georgie. You're dynamite. He didn't even ask Phil. Say, Georgie, you've known Jack quite a little while, haven't you? Yes. Jack and I have been in show business about the same length of time. As a matter of fact, we started out in the very same theater. Oh, in the same theater, huh? Mm-hmm. And even in those days, Jack was a real showman. He wouldn't sell one single peanut during my act. That's a lie. It was popcorn. But anyhow, Don, I must admit that Jack has made marvelous strides. He went from peanuts to jello in six delicious years. Oh, say, Don, where's Mary? Here I am. Hello, Georgie. There's Mary. Doesn't she sound natural? Well, Mary, I bet your anxious for Jack to get back. It'll seem sort of strange working with me. No, I like to work with you, Georgie. You want to know something? Now, don't repeat this to Jack, will you? Oh, you can trust me. Well, believe me, it gets pretty tiresome week after week looking at that blank face of his. Oh. Looks like a bowl of mush. Mush, yes. Well, Mary, after all, I'm not so much to look at myself. I've never been taken for a monoloid. Of course, she's much taller than I am. But at least you're different than Jack. You smile and laugh once in a while. Jack never laughs. Well, my teeth don't slip out. Now, Rochester, my teeth don't slip out. No, sir. You hold them in bell and antibody. Get away from me. I want to hear this. Say, Mary, I'd like to ask you something, and believe me, you're the first one I've mentioned this to. Now, what do you think Jack's going to give me for taking his place tonight? Oh, he'll take care of you. First, he'll tell you how wonderful it was of you to come up here, and then he'll give you a great big pat on the back. You mean the same as I get every place else. But Mary, Jack isn't that tight. He isn't, eh? Listen, Georgie, Jack has been in New York a week, and I'll bet he's still got California air in his pocketbook. But surely... but surely he'd open it up to let the North Sea Radio City, wouldn't he? Rochester. He ain't no good at all. See, I wish this train would get in. Come here, Georgie. You want me to tell you something? What is it? You remember that birthday party Jack gave himself about a month ago, and he invited a big crowd? Yes, I remember. What are you laughing at? Well, between the first two courses, he ran out and had all the presents of praise. And then what happened? Well, Jack mad. He only broke even on the dinner. Hmm, the little traitor. They're sure tearing you down, boys. Hmm, to think I bought them all gifts. And Mary's, I can't wear. You can fold it up and use it for silk handkerchief. Rochester. Well, Mary, you've given me a vivid picture of what I'll have to go through when Jack gets here. Georgie, by the time you get your money out of Jack, you'll be so bent over you'll have to endorse a check on the floor. Oh, well, play, Phil. With my luck, not only I won't get paid, but when I leave the studio, I'll probably tan my pants. Go ahead, Phil. Hey, that music sounds like Harris, all right? Yes, sir. Law's ain't lit. Law's ain't lit. It's all out. Last one off the frame's an old tomato. Here we are, Rochester. Come on, grab those bags, and I'll see you at the house later. I'm going to rush over to the studio. Okay, boss. Right, played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. And I must say, Phil, after hearing the boys, I'm surprised at the way Jack stands up here every week and keeps running down your music. He shouldn't do that. Of course he shouldn't. My music is all right. No, it's pretty bad, but Jack should never mention it. I tell you, Phil, the way I feel about swing music is just this. Now, wait a minute, George. Here comes Kenny Baker. Do you know him? Well, no, not personally. You like him, George. He's a great kid. He thinks Gracie Allen should be president. Quiet. My wife thinks she is. But anyway, you leave Kenny to me. I'll handle him all right. I'll bet you dollars drive you nuts. All right, it's a bet. Here he comes, Georgie. Oh, yeah. Hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack. Did you have a nice trip? A nice trip? What is this? Hey, Don, didn't Jack go to New York? Oh, wait a minute, Kenny. It's Jaisal. Jaisal. Where's that? Well, I've lost 35 cents already. Listen, Kenny, I'm just taking Jack's place till he gets here. My name is Jaisal. Oh, yes. Well, gee whiz, I didn't recognize you there for a minute. I thought you didn't. Sure. Hey, didn't I see you in a picture the other day with Betty Davis? What picture? Jaisal Bell. Jaisal Bell. Look, Kenny, the name of the picture is Jaisal Bell. It wasn't me. I don't make pictures. And here's your dollar, Mary. Thanks. Hey, what's going on? Nothing, Kenny. I just bet Mary a dollar that you couldn't drive me nuts. Gee, you're a sucker. Well, this entire event looks good for a loss to me. Well, hello, fellas. Here I am. Well, it's sure good to be back. I'm certainly glad to see you, Jack. Believe me. Me too. I really miss you, old pal. So did I, Jack. Gee, am I tickled to see you. Oh, yes, yes, of course. Certainly I'm tight, except for my teeth which slip out. And I got a face like a bowl of mush. Doesn't have to be in a bowl. Well, there was a radio on the train. I heard every word you fellas said. I was fine, loyally, talking behind my back. Well, I didn't say anything against you, Jack. I know you didn't, Kenny. I just got here. I know that too. Hello, Georgie. How do you like it here? I'll know in a little while. Well, I appreciate your coming over and helping me out tonight. It was a great display of friendship. Here it comes, folks. Now, look, Jack, patting on the back. That's for children. You know that, don't you? We're very good friends, but this is my business, the same as yours. I understand that. But look, Georgie, we... Look nothing. You wired me to come over here. I didn't. I expect to get paid. Well, all right, all right. Gee, you'd think I was a chiseler, or a tightwad, or something. Up to something, you were pretty hot. I just don't want to be robbed, that's all. Rob wireless, my own birthday party to come here taking all. Strangers had to blow out my candles. Well, now, calm down, Georgie. Look, I'll give you a check for whatever you think your time is worth. Now, you're talking friendship. All right. All right, what do you want? Well, Jack, I don't want too little or too much. In other words, I don't want a cigar or an annuity. Now, don't beat around the bush, Georgie. How much do you want? I'll take $500. If you want to give me 10% extra for my birthday, that's up to you. Up to me? It's up to Jack. It's back to you, Georgie. Well, all right, George. Let's not haggle about it. I'll write you out a check. Well, that's OK with me. I got my checkbook right here. Now, let's see. April 3rd. Gee, look at his handshake. Mary. April 3rd, 19... Now, the amount. Hey, wait a minute. This is 1938. Not 40. All right. So I made a mistake. Now, just a second. Pay to the order of... Say, how do you want this made out? George Gessel or Georgie Gessel? Just put down man. $500. All right. Here's your check. Oh, thanks, Jack. And it's really been a pleasure. If you ever need me again, don't fail to call him. Oh, I will. I will. By the way, Georgie, where can I get in touch with you? I mean, what's your phone number? Anthony to 8056. Goodbye, everybody. The last time, I'll ever ask him to help me out with anything. Gee, with Jack, you don't expect Georgie to come over here and work for nothing, do you? Well, why not? He's a friend of mine. Well, would you work on his program for nothing? I'm talking to Miss Livingstone. Well, would you? That's Phil's question. Think of your own. I've got one. Shut up. Now, let me tell you something. Last week in New York, Fred Allen, Kate Smith, Ripley Lyman, and Bon Zell all appeared on my program for nothing. No wonder you told him it was for the Red Cross. Well, that didn't make any difference. Say, uh, Jack, tell us all about your trip to New York. Did you have a lot of fun? To New York? Yeah. To New York. I went to New York. Oh, I do. I plan to. Well, I'll tell you about it later. Wait till I get settled here. Kenny, are you ready for your song? I'll set, Jack. Go ahead. Wait a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. Here I am bouncing in again. Well, for heaven's sake, who are you? The check you just gave Jettel. Goodbye. I can't understand that. The banks are closed today. Sing, Kenny. This way, sung by Kenny Baker, right back on the job again, and in the same old form. Say, Kenny, did you listen to me last Sunday when I was in New York? Well, I wanted to, Jack. I ran over to my girl's house to hear it, but her father doesn't like you. Oh. He doesn't, eh? Why didn't you and your girl go out in your car and listen to the program? Well, she doesn't like you either. That's great loyalty. Why don't you find a girl that likes me? I did, and she was slap happy. Gee, I'd like to know how the program came over last Sunday. Did you hear it, Mary? Well, I invited a big crowd over to the house that night. You know how it is. Some wanted to dance, and some wanted to listen to you, so we took a vote. Oh, how did it come out? The big apple won by a landslide. That's fine. You were the hostess. Why didn't you put your foot down? I did. I said, this is my party. You can either listen to Jack's program or go home. Read that again, Mary. It's an awfully good line. You know, put force into it. Go ahead. I did. Wait, I'll ask you first. All right. You were the hostess. Why didn't you put your foot down? I did. I said, this is my party. You can either listen to Jack's program or go home. That's great. What else did you say? Nothing. I was alone. So I went to bed. Well, as long as you're left alone, you could have listened to me. Why all this hurry about getting to sleep? I'm having a continued dream about Clark Abel. Oh. And I didn't want to miss Chapter 12. That's a very feeble excuse. Did you hear the program, Don? Well, to tell you the truth, Jack, I... Never mind. Never mind. All I can say is, I'm certainly proud of my associates. Not one of you listened to me. Now wait a minute, Jack. Don't be so hasty. I heard the program from beginning to end. It was great. Thanks, Bill. See, how'd you like that routine I did with Paul Whiteman? Oh, that was swell. I'll tell you, Jack, I'm still laughing. Well, stop laughing. Whiteman wasn't even there. You double-crosser. You didn't hear the program. I did, too. Well, how could you hear Whiteman when he wasn't there? I could have been drunk, you know. You were nowhere near a radio last Sunday. I was, too, and I heard every word of that program. Like, Bill, you're nothing but a great big liar. You've got something there. What a gang to think that not one of you could devote a half hour to me. Come in. Well, look who's here. Hiya, boss. If it ain't Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. So what do I owe this double feature? Happy welcome to you. Happy welcome to you. Happy welcome, Jack Benny. Happy welcome to you. I got the floor. That's what I call a real greeting. Say, Andy, how come you and Schlepp came up here together tonight? Well, I'll tell you, but Schlepp and I are neighbors now. While you were away, I sold them part of my ranch. Oh, you did? Well, that's a surprise to me. So you're a farmer now, eh, Schlepp? That's me. My crack is each Schlepperman. Well, Schlepp, I can't picture you behind a plow. What do you keep on your ranch? Oh, I got everything, sheep, cows, dogs, gooseies. Gooseies? You know, I see going chicken. And you bought the land and all the livestock from Andy, eh? Yes, sir. Buck and I gave him a square deal. Yeah, a square deal, he calls it. These times earlier, he sold me the same homing pigeons. No kidding. Did you do that, Andy? Well, you ought to be ashamed of yourself selling pigeons to Schlepp that fly right back to you. I only sell them, Buck. I can't change their habits. Well, tell me, Schlepp, what did he charge you for them? You mean for each pigeon? Yes. A dollar and a half around trip. Well, that's fair enough. But I'll tell you one thing, Buck. I gave him a real bargain on a cow. Oh, he sold you a cow, too, eh, Clebs? Yeah, a fine bargain. Only one fuss at work. Maybe your technique isn't right. Now, look, Andy. Andy, what's the idea of selling so much stuff to Schlepp from us? Well, I'll tell you, Buck, Pa had to have some ready cash. He's going to buy an airplane. Oh, your Pa wants to be an aviator, huh? Has he ever been up in the air before? Just once when our goat comes unaware. Well, your goat made an aviator on him. What does your maw think of the idea? He says, let him go. He's always been hiring a kite anyhow. Well, I wish him a lot of luck. Well, Buck, guess we'll be running along now. Just drop in to welcome you back home. Goodbye, Jackie boy. Come out and see me some time tomorrow. Thanks, I'll do that. What's the name of your place? Schlepperman's Hacienda. Suit, cloaks, and fresh eggs. Fine, I'll be there. So long, boys. Oh, say, Buck, I forgot to ask you, did you have a nice time in New York? Oh, swell, Andy. Well, that's good. Well, come on, Zeke. Okay, partner. Oh, come on, the rain's ready, and the gentle looks play. Well, well, so Schlepperman is a farmer now. That's as big a surprise as Andy talking with a dialect. Won't be long now. Well, fellas, the program's nearly over. Think I'll call it a day. I'm so tired from that long train ride, guess I'll run along home. All right, don't blame it, Jack. Get some rest. Guess what I need. Gee, it'll be good to see the house again. You know, I don't care where you travel. There's nothing like home, sweet home. Well, so long, fellas. Come on, Jack. Oh, wait a minute. There's a phone. I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny? You coming home pretty soon? Yes, Rochester, why? Is there anything wrong? Well, boss, I think we had visitors while we was away. Visitors? Yeah, the drawers all must have. Well, the mice could have done that. They must have been big ones. The Grand Tiana's missing. The Grand Tiana, why, we've had burgers. It could have been the finance company. That's ridiculous. What else is missing? You know that great big picture of you that hangs on the north wall? Which one? The one where you wear an evening clothes. Yes, yes. What about her? You're in BBDs now. Oh, well, I don't care. Everything is insured. I'll be right home, Rochester. I'm tired, and I want to get some sleep. You better hurry this tent a bit up now. Well, stop him. Stop him. Stop him. Playfield, police, police, police. If your family's appetite has a touch of spring fever, here's a swell way to cure it. It's a crisp and fighting spring salad, carrot and cabbage salad made with shimmering lemon jello. It's a fresh, tangy, vegetable combination that's especially nice for lent. And here's the way to make it. Dissolve one package of lemon jello in hot water. Add two tablespoons of vinegar and half a teaspoon of salt. Chill until slightly thickened. Then fold in one cup of grated raw carrots and one cup of shredded cabbage. Chill until firm. Unmold on crisp lettuce and serve with real mayonnaise. And believe me, you really have something. A clear golden mold of lemon jello with crisp carrots and cabbage inside. It's cheerful to look at as the first spring sunshine, tart and tangy, crisp and fresh tasting, it's perfectly swell to eat. Just be sure to make it with genuine jello. So order some lemon jello tomorrow and try this grand new salad. And when you're ordering, look for the big red letters on the box. They spell jello. Last number of the 27th program in the new jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. I want to thank Georgie Gessel for helping me out this evening and wish him good luck on his personal appearance in Detroit next week. Hey, Jack. What? Did you hear Fred Allen's program Wednesday night? No, but whatever he said, I didn't do it. From the idea of accusing me of stealing everything out of the Waldorf Astoria. I thought you didn't hear him. Well, I'd say, if you think that... I mean, I... Oh, good night, folks. We love is from Romance and the Bar. This is the National Broadcasting Company.