 This is one of those things where, to make that great comedy, you've got to follow a little bit of formula. I'm not really a big fan of romantic comedies in general. Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Movie Feuds Presents Real Time Reviews. This week we had a great opportunity to see advanced screening of a film coming out this week called Killer Elite. We had an opportunity, and once again, I was so low because Cory doesn't go to new movies. I was there next to you. Ravenous. Game's over. This film went a little under the radar, but it did star some pretty big names like Robert De Niro, Jason Statham, and Claiborne. You know, there was no radar. I saw the poster before seeing this, and that was badass. He had the three guys with the guns and the mutton chops. Then I saw it and realized it was just transporter four. It's just Jason Statham. Another note about the characters is Robert De Niro really isn't even in this film. He's a little bit beginning, and then you see him again at the end, like they were filming Meet the Fockers Forward Next Door, and the director's like, really, De Niro's here? Let's see if we can get him here. Get over here, De Niro. You're in this. You're in this movie. How much time do you have? Two hours? Yeah, we can get you in. The last key player to this masterful picture, Claiborne, a former SAS member. What's SAS, you ask? I don't know. I still don't know. I mean, I looked at the IMDb plot description after the movie to find out what the hell I was just watching. This was just one really generic action movie. I mean, there were so many 30-second scenes that half the time you didn't even know where you were. Well, we did have nice little text notes at the bottom of it. Two days later. Two days later. Do I need that? You start by seeing Jason Statham being a really elite killer, then he retires from the game. I'm out. I'm out of the game. A year later, he gets a phone call saying he needs to get back in the game. I'm back in the game. Of course he's back in the game. That's never happened in a movie before. Two days later, he's getting off a plane in Morocco, and then the movie starts. Yeah, and then it's Indiana Jones from there. It's... Disappointment. He's in Morocco. Now he's in Paris. I mean, the scenes are 30 seconds long. He's in Morocco one time. I don't even know if Morocco is one of the places. It's just a tapestry of locations. Nothing adds up. We brushed over the plot, but to kind of piecemeal it, basically, Robert De Niro is the mentor. He gets kidnapped off-screen, and that's what brings Statham back into the mix. Now, you'll notice we're using their real actor names, because I have no idea what their character names are. There were so many characters in this film. It was ridiculous. Half the time, you didn't know where you were, but the other time, you didn't even know who you were talking to or talking about. At the end of the day, no one gives shit about the plot. It's just basically setting up ridiculous scenes for Statham to kick ass. Unfortunately, none of these scenes are good. It was bad even for a Jason Statham movie, and the only really good part of the action you saw was one that was spoiled in the trailer when he flipped over on a chair on another guy, which was kind of cool, but... Once again, it relies on the shaky cam instead of actually well-thought-out choreography. I mean, there's a hospital scene. I don't know what 45 minutes in. I can't even see what's going on. For all I know, they were standing around drinking coffee, and the camera guy just shook the camera, so it looked like they were fighting. There's just so much awful here. I don't even know where to keep going with it. I mean, cinematography, garbage. The director likes one shot, and he uses it eight times, through the scope of a gun, through the scope of a camera. The film score was terrible, too. I felt like I was playing the facility on Gold 964, and Oddjob just popped out in front of me, and me, me, me, me, me. Oh, man, how do you make Statham shoot? Yeah, he's gonna do that anyways. Yeah, he doesn't have a gun, but he's got some broken piece of wood in his pant leg, and he'll pull it out and kill, like, eight people. He's like from a Giver retarded edition. I mean, they break into a garage with a tennis ball, like, instead of, like, hot wiring or figuring out the code, he just puts a tennis ball on there and it opens. He's very resourceful. We need to find the best elite hackers in the world. No, no, no, no. We just need to go down to Shields. I got a gift card. We're gonna have this place figured out in a heartbeat. All right, give me a tennis ball, a loaf of bread, and a paper clip. I can get in here, no problem. But how are you gonna get past the guards? Well, let me see. We'll feed them the loaf of bread. And then I'll jump-keep the shit out of the rest of them. Statham style. This review is all over the place, but then again, so is the movie, so it's kind of fitting. I gotta go back to the plot and talk about how it goes. Bad Boys 2, about an hour in and just resets the entire movie. Just when you thought this movie was gonna be over, you had enough of this ridiculous storyline. Hold back. Jason Statham retires again and then comes back to the game to finish another job. I'm not gonna do it. Not that man anymore. I'm retired. It's like, we need you. Yeah, okay, yeah, that sounds good. I was gonna refurbish the porch, but this sounds better. I think actually, this time, I saw Ben Stiller in the background just drinking some coffee. He must have come over from to meet the father. If Stiller was there, he'd be on the poster front and center with Jinx the Cat. That's true. Let's get down to brass tacks. I'm a Statham fan. I mean, I want to be. I like, I even like the dumb transporter movies. Sands number three. But this has none of the good elements. Bad script. Bad characters. Even bad choreography. So it's got nothing to offer. We've wasted your time with this review. Just hit the stop button on YouTube. Just, you can hit that little like button. That'd be great. This movie was awful. Just stay away. Just walk away. Don't even see Contagion because I saw that too. It sucked. Want to go to that review now? Now the gloves are off. It's over. Alright, let's finish this. This guy is good. Oh, I do. Well, more than just reviews, this is Movie Feud to present real-time reviews. A lot of excitement closing this out. Really not much. So that's what this is all about. I gotta cover my expenses.