 Hello everyone! So today I wanted to make a video where I talk about getting mad and having a temper and blame and rejection and this is because as freelancers we have to deal with a lot of rejection. Nothing ever goes as planned. We are going to make mistakes and bad things are going to happen and so we're going to have to deal with a lot of rejection. We're going to have to deal with a lot of things that don't work, things that go south, a lot of uncertainty and you know that's the nature of the game. We don't have a boss telling us what to do. We don't have a teacher telling us what to do. We don't have a set of rules, a set of steps that we can follow that guarantee any type of success and anyone who tells you that is lying. Anyone tells you follow my 10 steps, my 69 steps or whatever it is for success is lying to you because there is no way to do it. You can follow every single step that Mark Zuckerberg took and you still won't create the next Facebook. Well A because it's already been created but B because so many circumstance and stances and everything always change all the time and it's just anyway there's a lot of uncertainty when you're working for yourself, when you're an entrepreneur, when you're a freelancer and so you need to learn to deal with it at a certain point. So what I've and I'm just going to share what I do and what I've kind of learned and this might get a bit philosophical or I might be just ranting but so be it. Hopefully it'll help you out though because there is a lot of frustration dealing with this and so I just wanted to share how I deal with it. First of all when I find myself getting mad and this happens well this happens in any situation whether it's you know personal situation or business or whatever it might be I will find myself getting mad and the way I deal with it is I really really try not to get mad and there's several reasons for this because when I just say like this you think oh but I'm holding everything in and it's going to burst out or something like that but I think it's different I think you have to it depends the way you look at it. Now there's a saying that I'm going to butcher and in fact I was trying to look up earlier where it comes from because I have this book of classic Korean sayings but unfortunately I left it back in Taiwan and right now I'm in the States so I don't have it with me so I can't remember the name but it had something like basically I guess a saying in old Korea was like when you talk smack about someone when you talk bad about someone the saying was that you're spitting blood in their face something like that. Anyway so the saying in this book was that in order to spit blood in someone else's face you have to cut your own mouth first and I like that saying I mean I don't like the imagery because it's kind of bad but I think it's very much true when you get mad at someone you hurt yourself and you're the one who suffers usually anytime you're mad at someone else chances are that other person is going through life happy as could be and you're the one who's mad and you're like that person I hate that person I can't believe you did this or that or whatever whatever and you'll sit there plotting your revenge but because you're not some weird evil character from a movie it's not like you're gonna go through with your revenge and if you do it's not gonna turn out like you thought trust me so you'll just be there getting mad getting mad getting mad and you know maybe you'll confront the person and then you can both be mad at that point and I don't know maybe that helps you but I find it doesn't really help that much. Also when you get mad you're kind of admitting that you don't have control over the situation right because you allowed that other person to make you mad you don't want to be mad no one wants to be mad or frustrated or you know and have that rage inside them so you allow the other person to do that to you so which means you're not in control of the situation and the other person is in control of the situation and so in essence you're kind of admitting that the other person is superior to you at least in that sense and that's not something you want to be thinking or feeling or hearing when you're mad at that person so but getting mad at that person in an unconscious way does admit that because you're saying I'm mad I'm totally mad because of that other person that I allowed myself to get in this state because of that person and that person therefore has that control over me so what do I do I try you know when I find myself getting mad at someone like that I try to switch it up and try to then blame myself and the reason I do this is because you can't hold a grudge against yourself really you know it's not like you're gonna be like I'm gonna get me I'll see no I mean you get mad at yourself and you're like oh that was really stupid of me to do that was the stupidest thing and but you don't hold the grudge so what you do is you're like well that was really stupid how do I make sure I don't do that again because I really don't want this to happen again and so right away you try to find out how to avoid the problem in the future you try to find solutions to it which I think is much more productive than just being mad at someone and be like which to me by the way seems like you are getting more and more pent up rage than actually being like okay let's try to figure out a solution whenever you're mad at someone try to see if you can flip it onto yourself and say well what did I do wrong even if it was completely the other person's fault then think okay what did I do wrong I hired that person or I wanted to work with that person or I dealt with that person in some way or another how do I make sure it never happens again don't do that in the future you know and in a way so then you can get something out of it you get okay I've learned my lesson you know my frustration with that person or whatever went wrong is the price I pay but at least now I know and from here on out I won't make the same mistake again and it's a better much better way of dealing with it because otherwise you're going to drive yourself crazy now look I understand also that there's also the situation where you're mad you're really mad at someone or say something that you don't have control over right because many times you're really mad and you're frustrated but it's not a specific person but it's at an event or something that you really can't control you can't go back and say okay what did I do wrong because maybe you did nothing wrong and it just happened right now these are circumstances and things happen things happen you can't foresee and things happen that you really can't do anything about but on the other hand getting mad at it doesn't make much sense either there's a story I remember and I think it was I think it was one of the Persian kings like Circes or someone who was in at war with the Egyptians I believe anyway he lost the war lost the battle and he was very mad so he ordered all his soldiers or a bunch of his soldiers to take their whips and he was mad at the sea because the sea had separated I think a bunch of his people had drowned or something had some problem with the sea anyway and so he ordered all his men to start whipping the sea to punish the Red Sea as a punishment you know and obviously you hear that and you're like okay well that's that's stupid I mean it seems psycho when we hear it now but how often have you cursed at your coffee pot or you know got in mad when you closed the finger in your door and got mad at the door or kicked your car tire stuff like that this is pretty much the same thing you're getting mad at inanimate objects or getting really mad at the weather or something like that these are things you can't control you know they're just saying that I'm sure all of you have heard before and you see it on all these t-shirts and stuff like that says give me coffee for the problems I can handle but give me wine for those that I can't and I kind of like that because the ones you can handle are the things that you can tell you can tell yourself okay how do I make sure this doesn't happen in the future and that's what I do you know when I try to quote unquote blame myself and say okay how do I not make this mistake in the future but there are issues you can't deal with and those ones you're just going to have to go through life you know take them as they come let's say however the ones you can deal with deal with them because not dealing with the problems that you could be dealing with to me is crazy and especially not doing so because you want to hold a grudge against someone else say well is that person's fault that's person's fault that's person's fault that doesn't benefit you at all and you won't be able to to to progress that way and you know because once again you're going to find so many I really don't want to like you know kind of discourage you too much but as a freelancer you're going to find you're going to have missteps you're going to make mistakes they're going to be pitfalls it's a roller coaster they're ups and downs right and you cannot let these mistakes make you bitter you cannot let them pile up and get madder and madder at this person mad at that organization mad at these type of people mad at this because after you know at a certain point you'll just be very very bitter and you won't be happy with anyone and then that's it so anyway I mean that's how I deal with it I basically try to retract say okay if this is my fault if this was my mistake then how can I make sure I don't make the same mistake again how can I learn from this and that way I feel like I progress and I can move forward and I can also make sure I don't make this a mistake and so the same mistake doesn't happen to me again and I find it much more productive than getting mad and I've and I've transcended that into life just normal life as well when I find myself getting mad at someone I mean you know I'll vent and I'll be I'll still get mad I'll be like you know all that but then later on when I think about I'm like okay wait let's say this was my mistake what did I do wrong how can I make sure I don't do this again and I find that to be a lot healthier at least for me it works really well and so hopefully I hope it can work for you when you're dealing with all the pitfalls all the downturns and you know things that can happen especially when you're working for yourself since there is so much uncertainty that you have to deal with and and hopefully it can help you progress as well anyway that was it for now I'll end the rant right there and I'll see you in the next video which will probably not be a rant but be on stuff that is more focused on freelancing and freelance translation but I hope you find this useful anyway and if you did please click like and please don't forget to subscribe for more videos in the future and I'll talk to you next time thanks bye