 اللَّهِ السَّمِيلَ عَلِيمُنَ الشَّيطانِ اللَّعينَ الْرَّجِيمِ بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَانِ الرَّحِيمِ الحمد لله رب العالمين الحمد لله و الحمد حقه كما يستحقه حمدًا كثيرًا وأعوذ به من شر نفسي إن النفس لأمارة بالسوء إلا ما رحم ربي والصلاة والسلام على أشرف الأنبياء والمرسلين خاتم النبيين سيدنا وحبيب قلوبنا وشفيع ذنوبنا أب القاسم محمد وعلى أهل بيتها الطيبين الطاهرين المعصومين المطهرين المكرمين والعنة الدائمة على أعدائهم أجمعين من أول يوم ظلمهم إلى قيام يوم الدين السلام عليك سيدي ومولايا يا أبا عبد الله وعلى الأرواح التي حلت بفنائك عليك مني سلام الله أبدا ما بقيت وبقي الليل والنهار ولا جعله الله آخر العهد مني لزيارتكم السلام علي الحسين وعلى علي بن الحسين وعلى أولاد الحسين وعلى أصحاب الحسين جميعا ورحمة الله وبركاته قال الله العظيم في كتابه الكريم وهو أحسن القائلين وأصدق الصادقين بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم وإن عزم الطلاق فإن الله سميع عليم أمن بالله صدق الله العلي العظيم for the purification of the souls and the enlightenment of the hearts and for the hastening of the reappearance of the awaited saviour عطر الله تعالى فرده الشريف enlighten your souls and the atmosphere with recitation of salawat upon محمد وآلي محمد الله سمع علي Respected elders brothers and sisters السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته وبركاته it's a dreaded d word that many married and non-married individuals fear it brings about much stress much anxiety much suffering and pain it is experienced by millions of people across the world divorce or the termination of marriage is a phenomena that affects many individuals irrespective of their background of their denomination or their ethnicity we find that in many countries there are processes that facilitate divorce it's an option when marriages do not work you find that many a times it's a very costly process legally it may take a long time at the same time those who go through divorce will undoubtedly suffer in many shapes and forms they will also suffer psychologically socially many people involved will not never be the same at the same time we find there are people who have come forward and divorced in the most unusual of circumstances because we know today when a divorce takes place there is normally a legal process sometimes courts are involved in other occasions it is what a religious procedure yet in some environments in the most bizarre of cases divorce has happened like whom like a man by the name of Ahmed his he is from the area of West Bengal in 2006 this individual he was asleep next to his wife it happens sometimes that people speak during their sleep so during his sleep he said three times you are divorced in Arabic and three times in his sleep his wife woke up she heard that he has said this ignored it later they went to a scholar in that particular area and said this is what happened the scholar said that you are now divorced you cannot be what together anymore you are now what single people at the same time I recall reading that a Saudi man once saw his wife flirt with whom with an individual in the shopping mall a shopkeeper he was so angry what did he do he went and said to an individual who is in charge of the public speaker system I want to speak so he took the public speaker system and said I am divorcing my wife three times before everyone else these and many others constitute interesting areas in which people develop what develop divorce of course statistically many are of the opinion that the rates of divorce are increasing in many communities and societies in the United States rates are estimated to be around 45% of marriages ending in divorce in the United Kingdom there are about 42% in 2011 official statistics date in the United Kingdom there were 235,000 divorce cases it is not something to be taken for granted it indeed affect so many individuals when we look at the religion of Islam this is not a subject that Allah سبحانه وتعالى has ignored indeed the teachings of the religion espouse a strong relationship between the husband and wife that the institution of marriage is the most beloved institution in the eyes of Allah سبحانه وتعالى this is something that is emphasized in the teachings of the holy Quran and the أهل البيت عليهم السلام you find that this notion of the husband and the wife coming together in this unit known as a family is emphasized to be holy emphasized to be sacred you and I as individuals as a servants of God must do our utmost to preserve the sanctity of this unit this unit that today is under attack in many parts around the world even the definition of a family today is ambiguous many people aren't able to define what a family means is it two men living together is it two women living together is it a moment living with the children is it a man or woman there are many interpretations of what a family in reality is yes yet at the same time we find Islam coming forward and saying that marriage and keeping a marriage healthy is that which indeed brings the blessings and the Barakah and the mercy and the happiness of Allah سبحانه وتعالى and there are so many examples in history of successful marriages marriages that set the role model marriages that are exemplary for people to look at and take lessons and apply in their lives marriages such as the marriage of خديجة الكبرى to the holy prophet محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم examples like the marriage of the commander of the faithful امير المؤمنين and سيدة النساء the lady of light فاطمة الزهراء صلى الله عليه وسلم وليم and many others yet islam also recognizes that sometimes marriages don't work how that when it comes to break down in marriage to relationship much effort has been put there has been an effort and an effort to reconcile people have tried to resolve their differences but they've come to a مجموعة بلوك لذلك دفوس is presented as an option an option that is disliked by الله سبحانه وتعالى as the narrations from the اهل البيت عليهم السلام مانشن ابغض الحلالي الى الله الطلاق the most detested element or thing which is permissible in the eyes of god is actually دفوس in fact the narrations tell us that the اهل البيت point that divorce shakes the عرش of الله سبحانه وتعالى in other words it is a cause for what disruption and a cause for disjoining of the family unit today we are told in statistics as well as studies the impact of دفوس upon many people they say there are three main elements that impact human beings when they go through divorce the first is psychological how people go through depression sadness unhappiness anxiety many may go through stages where they lose their work many may what seclude themselves from society there are psychological impacts when they go through divorce the second element is what social that you'll find people labeling a divorcee sometimes there is a taboo yes especially when our sisters divorce in other words their impression صلى الله عليه وسلم محمد وعلي محمد the impression that certain individuals give to the divorcee is what is that they may never again why because they have a negative picture of what marriage is all about they've gone through marriage and they are now in the position to speak about marriage to people and of course their experience leaves a lot to be desired there are social impacts which involve a taboo on those who divorce but arguably one of the most devastating impacts of divorce is what is the impact on that today people speak about studies indicate how children suffer when their mother and their father separate and go through the stages of divorce we are told not only is the impact psychological there's a lot of anxiety there's a lot of sadness but at the same time studies have shown that the children of divorcees are more likely to go through marital problems and divorce themselves so it has a long-term impact it is also shown in studies today that they will under achieve in their education they will also go through what substance misuse they will what barricade themselves away from society all this and more is found when it comes to what when it comes to the impact and the way divorce طلاق has upon individuals in society the religion of islam discusses طلاق in شريعة law we find the subject of طلاق taught where in the seminaries it is found in the books of jurisprudence in under the barb of طلاق why because the quran mentions طلاق and discusses طلاق namely in three areas in three places suratu البقرة chapter two suratu النساء chapter four and of course suratu طلاق chapter 65 in these three chapters الله سبحانه وتعالى discusses طلاق but interestingly for the individual who studies the quran objectively and as the quran invites us to reflect and contemplate one realization emerges with regards to طلاق in the holy quran and that is many of the verses are concerning the laws of طلاق the laws of divorce in other words you'll find in chapter 65 الله سبحانه وتعالى talks about how an individual should approach this particular process that as we mentioned is disliked by the almighty but when they reach a particular stumbling block then it is an option despite the fact that it is not encouraged what should they be thinking about we should understand that as far as شريع الله and specifically the teachings of the school of أهل البيت طلاق has been made according to شريع الله something difficult in order to discourage people from doing it yes because i remember i took part in a television program a few months ago with a respected scholar who have i have a lot of ادميرation and respect for from our brothers the أهل السنة we did a joint program in a british television channel we did a program about some of the rules as pertaining to islamic شريع الله when there was a question about divorce i came forward and i explained the position of the school of أهل البيت that the school of أهل البيت states in order for a divorce to be what valid one of the short one of the conditions is that there must be two just مجموعة أهل السنة they must be present there that particular scholar was very much astonished he said really is that what it needs in your teachings in your school i said yes he admittedly said this makes a lot of sense he said this would prevent طلاق being taken for granted and performed very easily because we are told one day and this is a صحيحة الحقيقة آلم كان يكون said at the time of harounan abba see i say this nearly every year i am uncomfortable with calling haroon r Grandma because they wanted to give names to their حلفاة to praise them they would say that for instance a man is المعتصم بالله. yes المتوكل بالله. حارون الرشيد means حارون the upright. حارون was not upright. حارون was the man who killed the seventh holy imam. حارون was a wretched individual. Therefore a better title for him is حارون العباسي. We are told at the time of حارون العباسي. A man came before him and said I in one particular setting divorced five women. People said how five women you're only supposed to marry four. How is it that you divorced five? He said I went home. I had just recently got married. Therefore I looked at this first wife of mine that I recently got married to and I saw that she hadn't prepared any meals. I was angry with her. I said you are a divorced at that moment my second wife next door in the room adjacent. She came out. She said this wife of yours has just got married to you. It's really unfair that you treat her this way. I looked at her and says you're also divorced. The third person came out and said I have never seen someone who deals with their wives in such a way. You have just divorced two of your wives within a minute. He looked at her and says get what? You're also divorced. The fourth one came out and said you know what although I disagree with all that you have said I'm not going to criticize you. He looked at her and said you're also divorced. But at the moment there was a lady a servant who had married someone who is what next door. She shouted you are the most unjust person divorcing four of your wives all together at the same time. He said you are also divorced if your husband agrees. The husband was there. He said I agree. Therefore the fifth one was divorced. In other words what? Anger at that moment causes what? Causes people to act in unsensible ways. Not rational, not logical. The school of Ahlulbayt says and comes forward and says that when it comes to Talaq there must be شروط. There must be rules that must be fulfilled. Like what for instance? Like there must be the bulugh. That they must have reached what the age in which there is taklif. There must be what intention. They must have what they must be saying. They must want the Talaq not by accident. They must not have been coerced. Likewise the school of Ahlulbayt says what? It comes forward and says that the woman as an example should not be in her menstrual cycle. The husband must not have had a physical relationship in that particular cycle. It talks about the different ways that you and I should understand Talaq. How? That the Quran in chapter 65. How many of us know this? We need to know this. Why? So that we are appreciating Islamic law and what the Quran says. Because the Quran says there is a type of Talaq known as what Talaq الرجعي. رجعي means what? Majority of Talaqs fall under this category in which if the marriage has been consummated then when the Talaq is recited and of course Sharia says there is what a particular pronunciation of Talaq. The word Talaq must be said in the presence of two adults who are male. But the Talaq of رجعي is what? The Quran says when a man divorces his wife she should stay with him in the house during the عدة. During the period of time in which it has been specified as what? As three cycles in the life of the female. Three of her menstrual cycles if their marriage has been consummated. We are told that this Talaq الرجعي is what? The wife should stay in the house. The أحلى البيت have said when she stays in the house despite the fact that Talaq has happened the husband should see her beautifying herself. She should always be in the state that she is what attracting her husband. And the moment the husband touches her just touches her out of compassion the Talaq is gone. It's revoked. They're back married again. Can you imagine? All to encourage marriage and the strengthening of the family unit. That is Talaq الرجعي. There is of course Talaq which is ba'in. That's another category which involves women who is what who they have not consummated the marriage. And there is a form within this particular category which is what the Talaq الخلعي which gives the woman the opportunity to ask for Talaq from her husband provided she forsakes her dowry. All this falls and much more this is a summary and much more under the category of the description of Talaq when it comes to what when it comes to the Quran and the teachings of the glorious family of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. This is all well and good for us to know but what we wish to discuss and analyze in detail is the pathology of divorce. Why does divorce happen because when you and I if we are married or even if we're not if we understand the most common reasons why divorce happened we can work and seek to make sure that we prevent and what put measures in order for the divorce not to be fulfilled in order for the divorce God forbid not to occur because what are we told we are told that today when it comes to the causes the pathology of divorce there are all kinds of causes being put out there yes some of them are strange some of them are weird yes today if you research you'll find that the metro newspaper in the United Kingdom is delivered is given free to people on the underground it reported that a Japanese woman filed for divorce from her husband why because her husband does not like the Disney movie frozen it's true she said to her him what kind of a human being are you that you don't like frozen therefore what happened she let him go masha'Allah many have watched this particular movie yes likewise what do we find we find another example that a Saudi woman filed for divorce where she filed for divorce in that country because she called her husband what happened she found that her his phone was at home she was looking until she found she picked up his phone and she saw that he had saved her number as guantanamo she then went and filed and said why are you calling me or name saving my number as guantanamo he argued that it's so that people do not know that you are calling me but of course it was a lame the divorce happened yet irrespective of that what do we find we find today's studies after study have presented the reasons and the causes of طلاق why does طلاق happen in society i would like to ask for your patience as i go through 10 reasons and some we discuss more in detail than others but these 10 my 10 reasons or the pathology of divorce i would like to humbly ask those who are married especially as well as those who are not married at the second level to make note of these 10 to try and understand because the religion of islam is a religion that focuses on prevention not the cure yes prevention more the cure yes the cure is there but الله سبحانه وتعالى says don't even think about fornication in other words when you and i seek to protect our family unit when we look at why divorce is happening in societies such as this and in the middle east and in india pakistan and other countries we begin to develop what we begin to develop an understanding of what is it that you and i should stay away from though our number one cause for divorce in certain areas around the world and number two in other parts is domestic violence the use of force and physical injury by both the husband and the wife yes it is not confined it only to one particular agenda because i remember one particular man said that he came to the mosque someone looked at him and said what's happened to your face your face is bruised he said my wife gave me a flower why how could she give you a flower and this causes he said she did not only give me the flower she gave me the vase that's in it yes the flower that's in it in other words she threw it at me sometimes there is what it happens on both sides the idea of physical abuse domestic violence is the cause that we are told that brings many into what the decision the reason that many come to the decision of divorce 40 percent we are told approximately of divorce cases in many parts of the world are due to what due to domestic violence now let me ask you question as a muslim community as the followers of ahl al-bayt many ask the question why do men اتهميهم ايها وائفهم وانا بطريقة اخرى لن يتكلم ايها الماك why does it happen number one sometimes is to do with the culture number two it's to do with what with the tendency that people have developed after noticing that this happens where in other households or they have seen it occur in their within their own parental setup in other words when they were they saw their father abused their mother physically there was domestic abuse fulfilled during the childhood so they understood or learned that it's normal for people to strike or to hit their wives number three that sometimes some of our brothers have memorized certain verses of the quran and some of our brothers have memorized perhaps one of the verses which is سورة النساء verse number 34 they come forward and they say this particular verse gives us the green light to strike our wives let's look at this particular verse in detail of course it's not only this verse because some of our brothers from other schools they cite احاديث such as the one that is narrated in امام البخاري صحيح in which the wife of the prophet عائشة says the prophet used to hit me by squeezing my chest in other words some people utilize some of these particular narrations yes likewise in طبقات of them in طبقات of ابن سعد we are told that one day in this famous book that is followed by many muslims today we are told that the companions were outside the house of the holy prophet they waited for rasool الله to emerge to come out but he didn't come out so what did they do they left the only person who stayed was the second خليفة he went inside he saw the prophet upset he said to him يا رسول الله why are you upset he said well it's affairs to do with my wives they are asking me things that i am unable to fulfill he said يا رسول الله let me tell you with what i do with my wife my wife صفية بنت ثابت صككتها صكة i slapped her so strong on her cheeks to the extent that she fell onto the ground beat them strike them so what happens these and many of similar أحاديث are used to justify domestic violence when it comes to the household how do we respond what is this verse that الله سبحانه وتعالى has mentioned in صورة النساء this verse is in reference to the concept of نشوز it requires your attention slightly technical but we need to have knowledge of the holy quran because we as the followers of أحل البيت should be should be the most verse well versed individuals when it comes to the holy quran why because we have the glorious family of the prophet who interpret the quran and are the only ones who have the knowledge of the quran we should be in that position yes so the quran comes forward and says ولا تتخافون نشوز هون what's نشوز نشوز is in reference to the disobedience of a wife to fulfill her responsibilities to her husband namely sexual responsibilities the intimacy yes some of the علماء say also if she leaves the house without the permission of the husband because that's his right in other words the wife cannot leave the house without the permission of the husband unless he's given her normally the permission and in some instances he asks her not to but mostly نشوز is when she refuses to take part in the intimacy between the husband and the wife الله سبحانه وتعالى says there are three stages to deal with this when people find that their wives are not responding not because of a what مديكال reason or a religious reason just simply they just don't want to have this particular relationship الله says فعضو هون speak to them kindly advise them one of the علماء says this means what put happiness in their hearts change the mood yes the prophet of islam الرسول العبن محمد صلى الله عليه و آله و سلم he says i'm surprised by a man who strikes and beats his wife yet wants to what wants to sleep with her at night it's very difficult not to what to understand the psychology that goes by it we are told in the Quran فعضو هون speak to them words kindness yes the second level is turn the other side in bed which shows your displeasure or some of the علماء have said separate go from one bed to another bed don't necessarily sleep in one bed that's the second stage if these two don't work then the Quran says وضربو هون now number one people have used this verse those who are islamophobes those who wish to distort the message of the religion of islam they have said this is the wife beating verse wrong yes this is not the wife beating verse why because beating denotes something which is continuous as we will see now there are interpretations that have been presented from the school of أهل البيت as to what وضربو هون means the first thing that we have to understand is the narration from the holy fifth إمام محمد الباقر صلوات الله وسلامه عليه that is with reference to the fact that if you are to display this particular sentiment and it is what it is to show that the husband is unhappy you should use a missouac what's a missouac it's the small piece of stick that you use to use for cleaning of the teeth tell me when you pick up a missouac and you hit someone with it does it hurt but it's more symbolic to say that what you are not happy number one علماء say number two it must not injure the wife must not leave a mark must not cause any bleeding or bruises otherwise what there is a penalty to pay number three some of the علماء have said it is only permissible this light striking light only permissible if the wives نشوز leads to adultery or the wife god forbid is committing adultery number four علماء come forward and say what they say that this particular action what sometimes it is better according to some of the علماء i saw this ruling it is better to divorce than to use any force whatsoever against the wife yes some of the علماء say yet other interpreters other commentators from the school of أهل البيت have come forward and said this وضربوهن does not involve any physical use of force at all it's not even the missouac this small tapping it is what it is what the quran says that when it comes to a وضرب it is what leaving a place and going to another because the quran says uses the word وضرب in reference to traveling therefore they say this is in reference to the idea and this is one interpretation of course that is not necessarily adopted by many of our but some have come forward recently that quran says وإذا ذربتم في الارض when you travel on the earth uses the word ذربتم it means that you leave her in other words go somewhere else in other words separate as the last measure if there is what no response and of course there should be no striking on the face or on the vulnerable areas we are told that there are strong narrations and what direction from the أهل البيت to those who use force and at the same time injure and at the same time practice domestic violence against their wives the prophet of islam says he who slaps his wife الله سبحانه وتعالى on the day of judgment commands the one of the angels of hell to slap him 70 times in جهنم yes that's definitely found there at the same time what do we told we are told of the need to display kindness to display mercy to inculcate in our hearts love and compassion in a marital relationship in which way that the prophet of islam would sit on the member in مدينة المنورة in مسجد النبوي and would say خيركم خيركم لأهل the best amongst you is the one who is the best with his family وانا خيركم لأهل yes and i am the best when it comes to their family we are told سعد بن معاذ this companion of the holy prophet most of us have heard of his story in which the prophet of islam would say to the companions there are rows of malaika taking part in the funeral of saad his mother would say oh saad you are indeed blessed that the prophet has praised you in this way definitely you are in جنة in عالم البرزاق the prophet said no he is being punished because what he was unfair and what at the same time disrespectful to his family that has a role that is an element that we as followers of the uhl al bait must understand tell me the hands that strike the chest in the love of abba abdillah الحسين should not ever strike the wife yes the feet that comes to the majalis of abba abdillah should never be what used to انفلكت انجري pain or suffering against anyone let alone whom the wife this is of the greatest of importance in ensuring that what that these problems do not occur in society the second cause that has been discussed is not necessarily physical abuse but psychological abuse how do we understand this psychologist today they say there are different types of psychological abuse that both the husband and the wife practice or perform when it comes to marital relationships they say there is one type which involves the inability to deal with conflicts inability to solve problems and when the human being is unable to see the solutions their stress levels rises therefore they react by what intimidation by mockery by abuse which is most of the time verbal yes it happens both from the husband and the wife they say this is one type the other is when it comes from the urgency and the need to show power and what domination in the family setup and it's practiced more by men than women this other type of psychological abuse they say there are signs to note if an individual wants to see that they are at the receiving end of psychological abuse like what like for instance humiliation like the threat to beat like for instance belittling of the action like for instance the threat to not show intimacy or affection like for example criticism especially before others shouting using a language which brings sadness all this is what is a part of this cycle that sometimes certain individuals get away with in the household the school of أهل البيت has denounced this categorically in which way أمير المؤمنين وإمام المتقين علي ابن أبي طالب صلوات الله وسلم في الكثير من المجموعة نحن نجد المستخدمات التي يجب أن تكون لديها تذكر هذا أمير المؤمنين يقول لديك أبي like a flower تذكر ما تفعل with the flower normally yes do you grab the flower and tear it apart do you use force against the flower it means treat it with gentle approach our fifth speaks about the need to respect the wife and said the wife is a source of happiness for you do not disrespect her but note the prophet of islam says the more an individual has an امان the more he values and respects his wife now notice this if you forget everything else that has been mentioned understand what that's why understand this hadith that's why in our narrations the prophet of islam never used any force or used any violence against his wife's in fact in the sunan of ibn marja it is mentioned in one of the books of hadith of our أبي it is mentioned that the prophet never beat it or never used force against whom any of his wives or what the slaves and in fact he dealt with them despite all the problems and the jealousy with the best wisdom with the with the best what kindness we are told the third reason why divorce cases is is on the rise in many communities is due to what lack of compatibility and please على هذا point what do we mean when people are not compatible we don't necessarily mean that they love the same color or they like the same car or they love the same type of movies no in the religion of islam compatibility is in reference to what is in reference to their principles and the values that shape up a marriage what is that let me give you an example from the life the illustrious life of amir المؤمنين and say that when nisaa فاعتمت الزحرى صلى الله وسلم علي that what do we find we find that a man comes to the holy prophet and says يا رسول الله i'm hungry there's no food the prophet sends a message to his wife's do you have any food they say no amir المؤمنين stands and says يا رسول الله i will take him home i will feed him he takes this man a note when he enters he says to say that i bought a poor person and i wish that we feed him say that knows that they do not have enough food for this person they only have food for whom for حسن and حسين that's it and حسن and حسين have not eaten so when it is there is compatibility for the sake of الله everything fits together and they both work together to please الله سبحانه وتعالى so what happened say it that says i will make حسن and حسين sleep and they're hungry imam amir المؤمنين says i will bring the food i will switch off the candle because it's only sufficient for one person to eat he would not see that i'm not eating with him because i want him to eat it all by himself this man eats the food in darkness does not see that amir المؤمنين is sitting there not eating anything the family of amir المؤمنين sleep hungry that morning next morning the prophet said يا علي الله has revealed a verse in your merit ويؤثرون على نفسهم ولو كان بهم خصاصة chapter 59 verse number nine it says that they prefer others over themselves even though they needed it more can you imagine when there is compatibility that when both the husband and the wife say that our goal is to please الله our goal is to attain paradise let's work together to make sure that we as well as our children are those that attain جنة on the day of judgment yes if that is the goal then what they both work together because one of the scholars one of the خطبه he himself mentions he says one day i said let the husband and the wife work together so that الله raises them both in جنة in paradise together he said when i said this one of the congregation an elderly man stood up looked unhappy and left the hall he went out so i continued my medallist when i finished i saw him sitting outside i went to him i said يا حج is everything okay did i say something wrong he said he looked at me and says يا شيخ how could you say this he says why he said all my life i'm trying to get rid of my wife you want her to come to jannah with me can you imagine that that type of thinking exists whereas islam says no islam says that as far as marriage is concerned the goal is the pleasure of الله سبحانه وتعالى the compatibility is with regards to the principles and what and values number four is in reference to communication so many days at so many times today scholars counselors therapists lawyers attorneys they get this particular request for divorce because there is a breakdown in communication between the husband and wife what do we mean we mean that the male and the female have been created different by الله سبحانه وتعالى that each of them have their what have their strengths and have their weaknesses each of them have their needs and have their wants the way a male thinks is not the same as the way them female thinks and vice versa yes females require attention require compassion require love males require respect and require obedience if there is no understanding of the different setups as far as the gender on the creation of الله سبحانه وتعالى it is concerned if there is no concerted effort to listen if there is no concerted effort to be careful not to use certain words when it comes to what heated مجموعة بين أخوة والأخوة والذي يجب أن يكون أصدقائي. أحد المكتبات التي لا يجب أن يكون مستخدم بين أخوة والأخوة هو ماذا؟ يدعوها. يدعو هذه المكتبات من المنطقة. لا تقلقها لأن بعض الناس يجب أن يستخدمها as a tool. إذا كنت لا تستطيع أن تستطيعني ، يمكنني أن أدعوك. نعم؟ المفتاح يوجد ماذا؟ المفتاح is that communication plays such a vital role in ensuring a healthy marital setup when the husband and the wife understand each other's needs, when they understand what makes each other upset, what each other expects and wants. That's why the Prophet of Islam says, when you say to your wife, I love you, this will never leave her heart, but it doesn't mean you say to her once only in your life. Because one person said, I said to my wife, I love you 20 years ago, why should I repeat? Yes? The idea is not, it's that you should continuously express the love and the affinity, how exchange the gifts, not only on birthdays or necessarily anniversaries or other times, surprise each other with gifts, show your love towards each other, do not treat each other as enemies or adversaries, treat each other the way you treat your best friend. And that has to be the psyche, yes, reminding ourselves as to what the purpose should be, that we keep a stronger family unit for the sake of Allah سبحانه وتعالى and for our own success, isn't it? We are told the other important element that causes divorce is the lack of patience, the lack of forgiveness. I recall that Prophet Nooh على نبينا وعلى آله وعليه أفضل الصلاة والسلام had a wife who the Qur'an condemns in Chapter 66. No one can say that the wives of the Prophet all have to be righteous because the Qur'an says مرحباً بشكل كبير من الناس when it comes to the wife of Nooh and the wife of Loot, they came to Nooh in narrations, they said to him يا نبي الله why is it that you are tolerant with your wife? Why don't you divorce her? Listen to his response. He says if I can't be patient with my wife at my house, how can I be patient outside when dealing with all the other people? I have to display patience. I know that sometimes people go through hardship, people have peaks and troughs in their relationships, but a key element for a healthy relationship and avoiding divorce is the ability to withstand the challenges and exercise sabr and at the same time forgive for the sake of الله سبحانه وتعالى. That is of great importance. We today unfortunately, let me be honest with you sometimes today in the west the idea of divorce is sold as something very you know normal over the simplest of things sometimes the wife leaves the house over the simplest of matters sometimes the husband wants to leave his wife yes perseverance, انجورance, patience for the sake of الله sometimes is missing from our marital setups yes there is so much emphasis that you and I need to look at this particular area and ensure that we fulfill it number six of great importance or number five is what is high expectation الله أكبر this is where what the famous subject and the area of social media as we mentioned comes into play that people often compare their situation with others they look at what others have and therefore they have these high demands as far as husband or wife is concerned they place this burden upon the other look at the example of امير المؤمنين we are told one day he came home and he saw سيدة المساء pale he saw امام الحسن and حسين pale yes it is likely that he was not there for the last few days because either he was somewhere fighting for the sake of الله or fulfilling a responsibility he said to them what has happened yes they say we have not eaten for three days he says why is it that you did not tell me or sent me a message or informed me look at the response of سيدة المساء we are followers of فاطمة الزهراء it's not for you and i for me just to listen to a story say magnificent beautiful but not apply it to our lives سيدة المساء says what my father taught me never to burden my husband with anything that i know he cannot provide she knew that امير المؤمنين was not able to provide the food yet she would not place this expectation upon the commander of the faithful today as husband and wife is concerned we have to show ليل تي we have to show strength in character as far as resisting the temptations today we have the iphone and the ipad and the i mac and everyone wants the i want yes everyone wants everything that we live in a materialistic driven society people are obsessed with what having and accumulating let's be careful not to fall into the traps because these are indeed vital to keep a marital relationship healthy and indeed quite strong what do we find the other reason why sometimes people end their marital relationship is when they do not understand شريع الله as far as what is واجب for the husband and the wife to do in other words the roles and the responsibilities are not clear in the minds of many people for instance we are told it is the right of the wife upon her husband that he provides for her that he fulfills what the need for an accommodation the need for food the need for and clothing these must be provided it is surprising and saddening today that i hear yes here in the united states stories in which the husbands come and say to their wives you know what you should be working i'm not bothered or they give excuses so that they stay at home and they send their wives in the workplace because they do not want to provide for the family providing for the family is واجب is one of the responsibilities of the husband they cannot forsake this particular responsibility if the wife is the richest woman on this earth she is not obliged in islam to give a single cent when it comes to this particular setup yes it's highly recommended to help the husband but if she doesn't then it's not necessary for what for her to do so likewise what do we find we find it is a responsibility as far as the husband is concerned not to mistreat his wife to be able to provide her with this love with this environment of warmth and at the same time for the woman for the wives to understand the responsibility that we entail we discussed earlier as far as the sexual rights of the husband that whenever the husband wants to have sexual intimacy the wife must say yes yes it is not an option out there except that if she is going through a medical reason or a religious reason other than that what it is the right of the husband as stipulated in the teachings of شريع الله likewise with regards to what with regards to her leaving but when i say this it doesn't mean people should stick to this word by word and letter by letter let me explain this very quickly it doesn't mean that what that if the husband does not allow the wife to leave then the wife would say and come and demand from the husband payment for the breastfeeding or for the cooking because she doesn't have to cook she doesn't have to clean these are what they are there for what for there to be a barometer but for a marriage to last it should be much more involving ethical respect and اخلاقي conduct between the husband and wife it should not be it for that if you don't give me this i don't give you that because some of the people have memorized this part of مسائل of the book of the fatwas of امراتي they say you know my right is this if you don't do this then i don't do this this marriage is bound to fail it's bound to fail whereas we should do what we should know that this is something that we should not transgress but more than that work hard to ensure that what we keep as much as possible the ethical standards alive another factor for the divorce rates rises is infidelity meaning what meaning that the husbands in their marital setups they choose to go have a relationship either sometimes legal islamically legal for instance like a second marriage either permanent or temporary or sometimes god forbid illegal now sometimes our sisters they come forward and say how do we make sure that this doesn't necessarily happen well there is one option as far as those who are not married a concern they can have a prenuptial they can stipulate that what for it may must make sure that the particular stipulation is worded that they do not want their husbands to marry when they're alive as soon as long as they are alive for their marriage husbands not to marry another wife and if they do then they have the وكالة to perform the طلاق in order to ask for the طلاق and to get it from the حاكم الشرعي from the jurist from the ruler or from the islamic islamic jurist we are told that this particular element is causing problems and i say this what based on the cases that we receive out there that it is so difficult and i know there are exceptional cases sometimes but we are talking جنرally it is very difficult for the female to accept this especially in the west that what that the husband seek what another wife or has another relationship because the way الله سبحانه وتعالى has created the female she wants the husband just for herself another reason that we are told is cited is family interference some of our brothers they they say you know our wives the first thing that she does every morning is gives a full report to the mother what exactly happened in the house yes every day all the secrets are given away this is usually problematic that we are told and you know i give you this in a gathering with iatullah العظمى السيد عليس سيستاني حفظه الله البيت عمالات we were sitting with him and i heard this from him directly he said he said one of the reasons why divorces are happening especially in the west he said get this message across it's because too many times secrets are being told to others which causes jealousy which causes hatred fragmentation separation the husband and wife يجب أن يجرأ أخرين وردين أخرين أخرين. أم what؟ أم when people disclose matters which are only supposed to be kept within the 4 walls of the house. This is very very important that when it comes to the husband and wife they have to have an agreement. These issues must not be disclosed only by the permission of the husband. When it comes to the family they have an important role. Yes they can mediate but only when the husband and wife are not able to resolve their differences. The differences should be resolved first and foremost by themselves. Today we have too much interference sometimes from both sides because what happens? When they complain to them they naturally sometimes take sides. They take one side over the other and that's why we're told that when it comes to families yes they have an important role but they must act with justice and adalah. If there is a problem, irrespective if this problem is from the man or from the woman they should take the side of the haq but not to fuel and place more hatred but with the intention to bring them closer together. Can you imagine if the wife complains to the mother you know my husband he stays up late you know he does not come back the mother should say what to her daughter. The wrong answer is I can't believe you're standing this. How could you be tolerating this? That's the wrong answer. That's fueling her more. The right answer is my daughter don't worry be patient treat him nicely in a nice conversation mention this ask him yes provide this love and compassion to him because the objective should be for the parents for the marriage to what for the marriage to last and to be strong and to be a model in society as the Ahlulbayt wanted it. Not that because oh you know what my son or my daughter is complaining how dare their husband on their wife treat him in this way the husband the father and the mother from both sides should be the champions of keeping the marriage strong and healthy. Very important role they play and finally the 10th reason why today we are told divorce has happened is because of financial burdens burdens that sometimes people go through they are unable to for instance work they are unable to provide for their family and that's why loyalty at difficult times is one of the most important characteristics for both the husband and the wife because not all of us go through Rosie times all the time we go through difficult times sometimes we go through hardship sometimes we go through situations in which we would like to avoid but we cannot help it. That's where the husband and wife stand to support each other to ensure that they both are able to leave this difficult life or time in their lives and build together in order for this family unit to be sacred in order for the family unit to look at examples of families that were there on the 10th of Muharram because truly when you and I analyze the epic of Karbala and the tragedy of Ashura there are so many dimensions and one of them is with regards to family life. How Sayyid al-Shuhada ensured that this university has so many areas for people to learn and apply and indeed by ensuring a family life is protected and preserved we make sure that the children rise in the healthiest of ways both spiritually and physically looking at examples of the children that stood with Abba Abdullah to sacrifice their lives on the 10th of Muharram and one of those was the son of Al-Hasan Al-Mujtaba by the name of Qasim. Yes, this wonderful young man Qasim who according to the narrations which 12 or 13 years of age this particular young man who would accompany Abba Abdullah al-Hussain who would stand on the night of Ashura would listen to the sermon and the direction of Abba Abdullah would then come and speak to his uncle his uncle would say to him Oh Qasim, how is death in your eyes? Qasim would respond would say oh my master Abba Abdullah it's sweeter than honey yes that Qasim saw in Imam Al-Hussain a man who is truly saving the religion of Islam therefore even though he was young even though he never had a chance to enjoy his life he would want to sacrifice himself for the sake of the religion of Islam that's why on the 10th of Muharram when he heard his uncle cry out Is there anyone who will help us? Is there anyone who will assist us? In the narrations tell us that Qasim came to Imam Al-Hussain saying to him oh my uncle allow me to go to the battlefield allow me to fight I cannot bear hearing you calling for assistance and no one supporting you Imam Al-Hussain would look at him he would say you are the son of my brother Hassan I cannot see you go to the battlefield and killed in this way go back Notice Qasim was so upset his heart was pumping in anticipation to fight but now he returns back to the tent he looks at his mother oh mother I do not have permission to fight in the battlefield his mother Ramla would come out she would say take this letter show it to Abba Abdullah Qasim takes the letter yes she goes to Imam Al-Hussain Imam takes the letter opens it it's the letter from Imam Al-Hussain المجتبة it says my brother Abba Abdullah I am not there on the 10th of Muharram to help you I am unable to assist you in person but please accept my son Qasim as a sacrifice on my behalf allow him to fight in the battlefield Imam Al-Hussain weeps and cries he hugs Qasim he says if you are about to go then go and get ready and bid farewell to the women of the Ahl al-Bait Qasim returns back to the tent he goes to a box that was preserved it has the Abba of his father it has the Imam at the turban of his father it has the sword of his father he puts all this on he stands to bid farewell to Sayyid al-Zaynab to his mother when he looks at them they all weep and cry they say it is as if we see Qasim المجتبة before us this is so difficult for the mothers when they bid farewell to a young man who is only 12 or 13 the narration tells us that he charged towards the battlefield حمايد بن مسلم says a young man whose face was like an illuminating moon he came towards us so courageous, so brave wanting to fight on his right hand he had the sword and he was walking towards us he was fighting in the way that he wanted to until what happened all of a sudden one of his sandals حمايد says especially the one on the left the straps were broken قاسم بنس down he wants to fix his sandals a man comes and says I will make his father and his mother mourn for him حمايد says is it not enough that he is surrounded by so many this man says no he picks up a sword he strikes it on the head of Qasim the narration says the sword was so heavy the head of Qasim splits Qasim falls onto the ground عم حسين ادركني he says oh my uncle Hussain come towards me help me oh Hussain Imam Hussain hears this cries of Al Qasim rushes towards him الله أكبر sits next to him he says my nephew Qasim it is so difficult for your uncle to hear your cries but not able to assist you but come next to you and not able to save you الله أكبر the narration tells us that the soul of Qasim leaves this world Imam الحسين wants to carry the body of Qasim he picks up the body some who saw him saw that he was dragging the body his back was nailed down that the feet were dragging why he was under so much pain to see this young man being treated in this way he brings the body of Qasim places him next to the body of Ali and Al-Akbar on one side he looks at Ali and Al-Akbar's body torn into pieces on the other he looks at Qasim and his head split into two at that moment sayyad Zainab what did she do she says oh my brother Hussain the mother of Qasim wants to mourn him the mother of Qasim wants to cry for him I tell you what was the mother of Qasim thinking to see when she entered the tent Imam said let the women come let them mourn they entered the tent and saw the bodies of Ali and Al-Akbar and Qasim in such a way they threw themselves on the bodies they began to cry وقاسم لا لعنة الله على القوم الظالمين وسيعلم الذين ظلموا أي من قلب يمقلبون والعاقبة للمتقين وإنا لله وإنا إليه راجعون