 Ladies and gentlemen, Dennis Day with Barbara Eiler, B. Benadera, Dink Trout, Charles Danton, the orchestra, and yours truly, Vern Smith, is written by Frank Galen and stars our popular young singer in A Day in the Life of Dennis Day. From the musical Brigadoon, here's Dennis to sing, It's Almost Like Being in Love. Well, one of the major influences in the life of our young hero, Dennis Day, is his landlady, Mrs. Anderson, who also happens to be the mother of his girlfriend, Mildred. This morning at the breakfast table, Mrs. Anderson is having a discussion with her husband, a discussion common to many households these days. It involves the ticklish question of an increased allowance. Apparently, Herbert, you don't realize how much it costs me to keep this household going. Oh, indeed I do, passion fruit, and I'm sorry, I should never have asked you for the extra two dollars. Well, I should think not. The cost of living is going up every day, and besides, if I am lucky enough to have a surplus, it's pledged to our club's juvenile delinquency fund. Your club is raising money for juvenile delinquency, Pupsy? It's a most important cause, Herbert. The juvenile delinquents of yesterday have become the wealthy gangsters and millionaire black marketeers of today. I see. And you want to give other boys the same opportunity. Herbert, I do not care for jokes of that sort. Oh, pardon me, Pupsy. I guess I was just feeling good this morning. I'll try not to in the future. This fund happens to be very important to me, Herbert. Mrs. Phillips has set my quota at $50. And besides the $10 we'll contribute, I don't know a soul I can even get a dollar from. Morning, everybody. As I was saying, I don't know a soul I can even get a dollar from. You need a dollar for something, Mrs. Anderson? Well, my wife's trying to raise a fund to keep children off the streets, Dennis. Gee, won't that make it awfully difficult for them to get to school? We don't mean normal children, Dennis. No, we're talking about your old bunch. Big pardon, ma'am. Well, you see, Dennis, there's a drive on for juvenile delinquency. Mrs. Anderson hopes to take a major part in it. Oh. Any comment? No. Only do you think you can make it at your age? Down and eat your breakfast. Oh, yes, ma'am. Gee, if I said anything too absurdly... No, no, no. It's all right, son. Here, now, here's your oatmeal. Oh, oatmeal again this morning, huh? And what's wrong with oatmeal? Nothing, only if I could have an egg one morning. An egg? I said a curse word. You must think we're made of money around this house. Do you know what eggs cost these days? Eat your oatmeal. Yes, ma'am. Morning, everyone. Good morning. I brought in the male mother, but it doesn't look like there any contributions to your fund for combating juvenile delinquency. Oh, so that's what you were talking about before. There's a letter here for you, too, Dennis. It looks important. Oh, for me, important? Probably another of those announcements. His cub pack is meeting or something. Mother, please. Here, Dennis. Gee, I wonder who it's from. I don't recognize the handwriting, although that may be because it's typewritten. Maybe you'd better open it, son. Yeah, I guess that's the thing to do with it, all right. Gee, listen to this. Kindly call at my office at your earliest convenience to discuss an inheritance from your late uncle, Frederick, who passed away recently in Slobotnik. Slobotnik? Yeah, I kind of doubt if that's an Ireland. What about the inheritance? Well, it goes on to say, please give this matter your earliest attention as the estate involves upwards of 60,000 smetners. Yours truly, Arnold Carter, attorney. Smetners? So it's probably the monetary unit there, poopsie, like our dollars. Oh, and he's got 60,000 of them. Dennis, honey babies. They're her but go out and scramble this dear boy five or six eggs. That loves bundle. Dennis, don't you understand? You're rich. Oh, you will be as good as you see this, Mr. Carter. Isn't it marvelous? Yeah, gee, imagine. You darling boy, you. And I just know I can count on you for the $40 I need for my dear little fund. Oh, you can put me down for the whole 50, Mrs. Anderson. Gosh, now I can afford all the juvenile delinquency I want. Oh, Dennis, what you said. Yes, your identification seems complete, Mr. Day. I have no doubt that you're the person listed by your uncle Frederick as his sole heir. Gosh, thanks, Mr. Carter. But I wonder why he left me all his money. He states in a preface to his will that he saw you once the day after you were born. And he decided immediately that you'd need all the help you could get. Oh, I see. Fortunately, the estate is in deposit here, so it won't be necessary for you to go to Slabotnik. Oh, good. Where's the Slabotnik anyhow? Well, you know where the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg is. No, sir. Luxembourg is near Saxony. Oh, where's Saxony? Saxony's near Bavaria. Yeah. All right, Bavaria is on the frontier of Czechoslovakia. Surely you know where Czechoslovakia is. Let's not jump to any conclusions. Maybe we'd better take it from the beginning. Have you ever heard of a place called Europe? Oh, yes, sir. That's where he kept insisting I should be. Who kept insisting you should be? My captain and the Navy. We were in the Pacific at the time. Yes, I'm beginning to understand your captain. Well, it doesn't really matter where Slabotnik is. When do I get the money? Not so fast, my friend. We now come to Clause A of your uncle's will. Oh, I might have known there'd be a Clause A. Clause A states that in order to inherit, you must first prove yourself to be a respected citizen holding a position of responsibility in the community. You mean as responsible, for instance, as a carbonated beverage manipulator? Oh, what? Soda jerk? Earning a good steady, $8 a week? What? I take it that you're joking. Yeah, I guess you're better. Soda jerk at $8 a week. But you better tell me about your real business career. You know it's important. Yeah. Well, I'm a businessman. What do you do? Business. Yes, I know, but what sort of business? Well, let's see. Is it wholesale, retail, a job, a commission house, broker? You've hit it, I'm sure. I'll try another tack. And just where is this business of yours located, Mr. Day? Or is that too difficult a question? Yes, and thank you very much. Mr. Day, I want an answer. Where is your business located? Well, we're moving. All right, where were you? We're not there anymore. Then where are you now? We're not there yet. Well, we're clicking right along, aren't we? This I doubt. And I doubt it too. Day, I am finished fully. When you get located, call me, and I'll come out and see your business for myself. But, Mr. Cardi. That's final day. Not a cent you get until I see the business you own. Do you understand? Call me as soon as you can show it to me. Yes, sir, and if you're not around, I'll contact your heirs. That's what he said, Mildred. I've got to have a business before he'll give me the money. I guess he finished me, huh? Nothing of the sort. I'll think of an idea. Oh, Mildred, let somebody else finish me for a change. Dennis, all you need is a minute, of course. Here it comes. Murphy's plumbing supply company. Daddy says it's the best business in town. So what? Don't you see? You have this lawyer meet you there, and when he comes, you tell him it's your business. Yeah, but when he sees Murphy, when he gets a sneaky hunch, I'm lying. He won't see Murphy. We'll get rid of Murphy. Mildred, this time you're going too far. I mean temporarily, silly. Suppose a big builder drops in and sends Murphy out to bid on the plumbing work of a big housing project. And who will the builder be? He asked unnecessarily. That's right. And then after I'm through being a builder, the lawyer comes in and I turn plumber. No, Mildred. Don't tell me you're afraid. All right, but you'll probably guess it anyway. Dennis, you've got to do it. It's the only way to get your inheritance. But it's silly. What do I know about building or plumbing? Dennis, we go through this all the time. What do you know about anything else? Gee, you always come up with some unanswerable argument. All right, let's go. Mr. Murphy? Yes? My name is Dave. Do you recognize me? I know. Should I? Oh no, believe me, it's better this way. What is it you want, Mr. Dave? Well, I'm a big architect and builder, Mr. Murphy. Just put up a big new housing development on Cedar Hollow Road. What's this? I never heard of a housing development on Cedar Hollow Road. Well, we're keeping it quiet. Don't want the nightclub people on our necks for building something non-essential. That's it. Yeah, we really have a beautiful place. Apartments from two to five rooms for anybody who wants them. Anybody? Well, no dogs, cats, kids, canaries, or loud breathers, of course. Oh, naturally not. What do these apartments have yours rent for? $30 a month. $30 a month? Plus a slight extra charge of $2,000 for the key. I see. Well, why have you come to see me, Mr. Dave? Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Murphy. I'm selling apartments to about 1,000 people out there, and it suddenly struck me that some of them might want bathrooms. Yes. They're the coming thing, all right? And you want to buy your plumbing supplies from me. Is that it? That's it. I just want you to drive out to the development and see what I need. See what you need? Well, how much were you planning to spend, Mr. Dave? Whatever you say. Expense is no object. No? No. You don't mind if I take that attitude, do you? Oh, no, not at all. I didn't think you would. Well, so long, old man. Well, you want me to leave right away? Well, I would like those supplies in as soon as possible. You see, 10 families moved in two weeks ago, and I'm sure that by now someone wants to shave or wash up. Yes, of course. Well, how do I find this place? Just get on to Cedar Hollow Road and head west? Great idea. Make sure you've got plenty of gas. Oh, well, thank you for being so considerate. Oh, that's all right. Thank you for being so cooperative. Oh, don't mention it. If you don't, I won't. Goodbye. Goodbye, Mr. Dave. Thanks again. Gee, it worked. Maybe I can get things done if I use my head. I'm going to try it again sometime. I'll bet I could be. Oh, Dennis, you did it. I saw him leave. I know. And not a minute too soon, either. Look who's coming up the walk. Oh, Mr. Carter, the lawyer. Quick, hand me that pad and pencil. I'll be your private secretary. A pad and pencil doesn't mean anything. Make it believable. Climb on my lap. Dennis, he's here. Start dictating. OK. Dear Farmer Brown, yours of the nice instant received and contents truly noted. Mr. Dave. Please. Oh, where was I? Oh, oh, yes. In regard to the difficulty you are having with your plumbing, I should say that your path is too long. Dictating any more letters, sir? No, it spoils the crease in my pants. Take the rest of the day off, Mr. Ibn Swarton. Thank you, sir. Well, Mr. Carter, welcome to my place of business. Oh, this is it, eh? Funny. Today you told me you were moving, and this place looks like you've been here for years. There's dust and dirt and even cobwebs in the corner. Oh, yes, when we move, we take everything. So you're in the plumbing business, Mr. Dave? Oh, didn't you know? And my grandfather and father before me, I thought you'd seen our family crest. Your family crest? Our insignia, old boy. Cross plungers over a can of drain-o. Really, Mr. Dave? Oh, great man, my grandfather. Invented the stopper, you know. The stopper? Yeah, the people demanded it. The tow was all right for the bathtub that was awfully awkward for the sink. Mr. Dave. Of course, I've made quite a few strides of my own in the business. Yes, no doubt. As a matter of fact, I was the first to install separate faucets marked hot and cold in bathtubs. Until I came along when a woman stepped into a tub, she didn't know whether she was going to go out or... Woo! Mr. Dave. I put the bathroom where it really belongs, Mr. Carter, in the home. And let me tell you, with high time, at high time, the filling station people were getting mighty worried. Do you expect me to believe all this nonsense? Well, no, I'd be willing to settle. You believe what you see, don't you? This shop speaks for itself, doesn't it? Well, yes, you do seem to operate a flourishing business here. I'll say. How much money did you make personally last year, Mr. Dave? Oh, I don't know. Millions. Who counts? I'm serious. Was it over $25,000? Not you, old boy. $25,000. We come now to Clause B in your name of the will. Clause B? Yes. I have a strange feeling I'm not going to like it any better than Clause A. What's Clause B? Clause B provides that if you are earning over $25,000 a year and so are not in need of the bequest, the entire 60,000 smetners shall be turned over to charity. So, Mr. Dave, I hear. Mr. Carter, there's been a mistake. Honest, I was only. There's been no mistake, Mr. Dave. The estate will be turned over to charity just as soon as you designate one. The will provides that the choice is up to you. Well, then, I choose one now, the, uh, the Dennis Day Home. The Dennis Day Home for what? For Dennis Day, of course, it's a good day. Please, let's not be greedy. When you choose a legitimate charity, get in touch with me. Good day, sir. Holy smoke. It wasn't for my unusual days. I don't think I could stand these normal ones. Oh, Dennis. Yeah, that's the way it is, Mildred. I guess now we're really through. Oh, no, we're not. Now, let me think. Mildred, stop that awful habit, won't you? Let me stay a poor boy in very good health. Dennis, I have it. Look, Mr. Carter's letting you pick the charity your inheritance is to go to, isn't he? Yeah. All right. You pick Mother's Juvenile Delinquency Fund, and you get the money after all. Well, how? I'm not a Mildred. You haven't fallen for your mother's propaganda about me, have you? No, but Mother's Fund is supposed to go to the 20 neediest cases in town. And you're going to be the neediest case of them all. Me? Listen, Mrs. Phillips is in charge of administering the fund for the club. If you convince her you're a terrible delinquent, she might give you some of the money to rehabilitate yourself. Do you really think it might work? Sure. I'll call Mr. Carter right now and tell him the name of the charity. Then you're off for Mrs. Phillips. What a day. First a builder, then a plumber, and now a juvenile delinquent. I'm a one man, one man's family. I beg your pardon? Just who are you, young man? I'm Mad Dog Day, the well-known juvenile delinquent. Juvenile delinquent? What are you doing here? I've seen the light, lady. I want to get rehabilitated. I hear you've got some dough lying around for us on fortunate products of reconversion. Oh, oh, you mean our club fund? Yeah, I ain't a bad kid at heart, Mrs. Phillips. I just got off to an unlucky start in life, that's all. Really? Well, suppose you tell me all about it. Well, it all goes back to when I was five years old. One day, more for a childish lark than anything, I happened to steal $100,000 off a mail truck. No. Yeah, and a cop started chasing me. Well, being only a little toddler and not knowing any better, I pulled out a gun and shot him through the heart. Good rich. Yeah, and from there, of course, it was an easy step to committing crimes. Oh, my, what a terrible story. Yeah, I never had a chance to be good, lady. You see, right from the start, I was a bottled baby. Well, but lots of children are. You should see what was in my bottle. But your mother, couldn't she take better care of you than that? Well, mother wasn't home very much, lady. She was known professionally as Slippery Suzy Day Girl Confidence Man. Oh, dear, dear. And your father? Patty the Hoist, St. Quentin, 48. My. Those your parents in jail and you in report school most of the time, probably? Yep. Didn't you ever see your parents at all? Oh, yeah, we used to spend our perils together. Oh, you poor unfortunate lad. Yeah, I'm a pitiful case. Yes, indeed you are. Oh, but I'm going to help you, dear boy. Gee, that's well. I'll never regret it. Only this afternoon, I received a draft from a Mr. Carter for our fund. I am going to turn that entire donation over to you. Bless you, my good woman. You've saved a young man from a horrible life of crime, of killing and stealing and cheating and bribing and necking and smoking on street cars. And she gave you the whole donation, Dennis? Yeah, the whole $60,000 smetanas. But, Mildred, you know. Then you gave it all to my mother's fund? The whole thing? Yeah, but Mildred, you know what? Oh, Dennis, it was crazy of you, but it was marvelous. Mother will love you for it. Dennis Day. Is that a love call? Dennis? Well, you see, Mildred, $60,000 smetanas isn't quite the same as $60,000. Even when my uncle made out his will, it was worth only about a quarter of that. And today, when I took the draft to the bank. Oh, Dennis, you don't mean. Yes, Lobotnik has had inflation. Today, $60,000 smetanas is worth around $0.18. You hear that? It's getting nearer. Gosh, earlier today, I thought I'd be put in jail. Why wasn't I? Oh, Dennis, you don't mean that. Oh, yes, I do. Right now, I'd rather be laughing on the inside than crying on the outside. Here's Dennis to sing the old favorite song when you were sweet 16. I love you, and I'm.