 So today we're going to talk about the seven red flags you're with emotionally broken man Now really quickly before I get into the topic today. I want to share with you a Instagram reel I got just moments ago From a friend and it was a female comedian. I believe she's a very young millennial I think she's in her 20s or early 30s and she was giving a recap of her dating Experiences for 2023 and I think there were like seven or eight different Experiences she had and she was going one by one of saying how you know, like one guy was late One guy wanted to have sex with her one guy was you know, just emotionally vomiting his problems I mean, she just went from one after another after another and Made me think about the fact that there are just a Significant percentage of emotionally broken people now when we say the words emotionally broken. Let's reframe that Let's just say emotionally unhealthy. We could say wounded. We could say Emotionally constipated we could say emotionally unavailable. There's a variety of different You know words that we could use but there certainly seems to be a significant percentage of people who are struggling in the dating marketplace Whether it's men or women but today we're going to talk about men because my audience is you ladies, okay? Now I can speak from personal experience because I was an emotionally wounded person after going through a significant divorce Or why should well, I guess every divorce is significant, but after going through a divorce and certainly after I'd actually lost my corporate High-paying corporate job. I found myself Actually in a very weak place in my life and why this is so important to talk about is where we have to look at Where does brokenness come from if we're going to use the term brokenness? What's the root cause? That causes someone to be broken We usually for men in particular. It's oftentimes an identity crisis number one or a fear of Supporting themselves. That's another one. And by the way, a lot of women experience both of these as well Maybe there's a contentious divorce like I talked about maybe there's a contentious relationship with an ex whether it's an ex-spouse and Ex-lover but there's contention. Maybe somebody's got some challenges with their children all of these experiences can weigh on us emotionally and When something weighs on us emotionally it makes it very difficult to lean into a healthy happy relationship Because I want everyone to recognize that a healthy happy relationship needs a foundation needs a foundation And if the ground underneath a person and I don't I'm not I'm talking about women as well as men If the ground underneath you doesn't feel solid both in your physical world, but also in your emotional world It's gonna make it very difficult to lean into a healthy happy significant relationship See we're we you know Well first off here in the United States, you know the number one emotional health wound is I'm not good enough and To add to that. I'm not lovable. I'm not likable. These wounds play significantly into the Personality in the behavior or let me reframe that to the behaviors people operate in in the dating realm and so, you know one of the things I Constantly constantly continuously espouse in my videos is the importance of learning To vet a person to vet a person in fact earlier today and tomorrow this video is coming out I interviewed dr. Tyese Gibson ice Gibson She wrote the book learning to love and by the way, there's a link below to get a copy of this book She's a attachment love Specialist and we're talking about the stick six stages a relationship and she was at the end of the video We emphasize the importance. I mean we over emphasize the importance of really doing your due diligence doing your vetting in The early stages instead of getting sucked into what's known as the honeymoon phase because the honeymoon phase is the lust It's the limerence. It's the dopamine. It's the oxytocin. It's the testosterone. It's the an estrogen it's the you know the attraction game It's the men are you know the your chivalrous and they do all these they love bomb you and all this kind of stuff That's in the honeymoon phase But the reality is is you could be falling for an emotionally constipated person an emotionally broken person So if you need some support, you see this link that i'm pointing out right now johntonasley.com forward slash coaching By the way, there's a link below in the description as well. My whole Coaching is centered around learning discernment. Okay with that said I'm gonna say something that I feel like is a little bit unfair But you might feel like this resonates I think a significant percentage of men don't value women the way they were once held in higher regard See sadly we live in a very myopic world. It's very tunnel vision. It's all about me I think we are the byproduct those of us the baby bonomers and the gen xers are a byproduct of it's all about me So people operate very myopic means tunnel vision And in that tunnel vision, I do believe there's a significant percentage of men that don't value women and what makes this worse Is these broken wounded constipated men? We'll choose women as rehabilitation centers I had one woman say to me jonathan. I refuse to be a rehabilitation center And yet you women will accept Bad behavior from guys repeatedly thinking that if I just love him enough He'll heal. He'll be better if I hold enough space. He will change You know as loving and as compassionate as that is it's at your own expense So Before I get into the seven and I'm about to get there in just a second. So just bear with me for just another minute or two I want everyone here to recognize that A relationship is an incubator. Do you know what an incubator is? It's where you you you incubate Look up the word. I I don't know how to properly define this. Uh, maybe hey google What does incubator mean? Here's the definition of incubator an enclosed apparatus providing a controlled environment for the care and protection of premature or unusually small babies Okay, well, I wasn't I was thinking of the the incubator in a in a lab. Okay, but not for children But it's a it's a space. It's a container To grow something okay To observe and grow something well relationships are an incubator for our own individual growth And so let me just say this to everyone who's ever felt like they've been in a relationship That was a waste of time every relationship you've ever had Is an incubate is an is an opportunity for you to grow as an individual. That's the incubator piece And sometimes it's done on an individual basis Sometimes you're helping someone else grow and sometimes two people grow together. Okay But most of the time since they don't work out most of the time you have to ask yourself What positive things did I learn about myself in this relationship? How have I healed from this relationship? What was good about this relationship? And what am I most grateful for because if you can dive into This experience with a positive mental attitude you have a greater chance of relationship success All right So I want you to put your binoculars on for a moment because we're going to talk about these red flags that we want you to spot well before You give your heart away to a guy and while it's it's It's not as easy as I say it's easier said than done Let's just put this let's put this out there and let's see where where it incubates. Okay So number one This is the most obvious your time together is all about sex This female comedian I was talking about Hmm, excuse me. I ate a grape earlier and there's a grape skin stuck at the roof of my mouth Oh, that's gross. Okay. Um, she was talking about the guy that was only in it for sex. Okay You know when men only choose to spend time with you where it's mostly to be physically intimate with you Without any real integration into his life or you into his life You know, that is a huge red flag that he just wants that physical intimate connection with you Because he's incapable of leaning into A deeper relationship with you. So if it's mostly time centered around sex You know or if he's pushing sex really early on if he's pushing pushing pushing Chances are he could be an emotionally constipated emotionally unavailable or emotionally broken man Number two He doesn't open up to you Meaning he avoids personal question. He avoids and he even avoids talking on the phone Now that's not a guaranteed red flag, but let me get into this a little bit Excuse me for slurping You know It's interesting how many women I talk to clients or you know clients of mine or perspective clients how They're in relationship with men who will share very little personal information They're there now we could argue that men are taught to be stoic and they're not supposed to be emotionally expressive You know what? That excuse no longer flies anymore. Yes, that is what we're we're learned But you know what if you've been around the block a little while It's time guys that listen if there's any guys listening It's time to tap into your emotional intimate side And if you're unwilling to most likely the reason is remember I talked about the ground underneath you isn't solid We're swimming in the sea of a lot of emotional dysfunctionality because humans are living in a rather dysfunctional structural world in their life So it's no wonder that their emotional life is equally as chaotic because their physical life is chaotic meaning We've got a lot of people especially in midlife going through a contentious divorce have a contentious relationship with an x Maybe their x is in a relationship with another person and that person is a problem. I mean you know You've got multiple families to deal with I mean we're dealing with a lot of emotional stuff that most humans didn't deal with You know hundreds if not thousands of years ago So it's no wonder We're swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality But if he doesn't open up and share personal things with you that's usually a red flag He's an emotionally broken man number three He doesn't ask about you after the hunt phase Okay, what's the hunt phase jonathan men are hunters and they love the chase Yes, we men are hunters and we love the chase ladies Do you honestly believe that we're running around with our bow and arrows going? I want a relationship I want a relationship. I'm hunting for a relationship Or is it I'm hunting sex I'm hunting sex if I can get sex the easiest way I can get sex I don't even need my bow and arrow these days. I can just use the dating apps Swipe a few times flirt with someone for a few minutes and get laid I mean seriously you guys I mean some female dating coach out there are multiple I've told you how much men love the hunt and chase. So you must just just lean back Play hard to get that's all you need to do because once he captures you it's love I mean like what fantasy land are these people living in? Like hunting really equates to relationships ladies. You got to get like you got to let go of that narrative And by the way as men age we midlife men We're old. We're tired. We don't like hunting. We'd rather by the way, we're so used to you know Grubhub and instacarts and you know uber eats, you know So let go of that fantasy that we went by the way to the extent that we love the chase No, we love sex and when we get it If we stop asking about you after the sex phase after the hunt phase That's a pretty big sign That he's probably incapable of going any more emotionally deeper with you Let me share with you quickly a story after my divorce. It was nine months after I moved out of the house I met a really fantastic woman We're friends to this day social media friends anyway and um And and I said I'm ready for a relationship. I'm ready for a relationship. You know what she said to me Jonathan, you're not ready for a relationship. You're broken. I'm like no. No. I'm ready. I'm ready Sure enough three months into dating I'm like I put the brakes on She knew it was coming. She even said I knew it was coming. She goes. I knew you weren't emotionally ready to be in something deeper See, we're we're emotionally capable of expressing how amazing you are and how wonderful you are because we're amped up on dopamine we're amped up on testosterone We're amped up on getting our rocks off But at the end of the day once we've gotten past this If we don't ask about who you are past this phase It's a pretty solid sign that he's most likely emotionally constipated number four He doesn't protect you I don't mean on a physical level. We most men are Chivalrous from that perspective, but we don't you know broken men don't protect you on emotional level Meaning if they're broken, they're not looking out for your best interest See a true emotional grown-up is understands that words matter So when someone says, oh my god, you're the most amazing person on the planet. You're so wonderful I could see myself getting married to you. Oh my god. We're so we should go on a trip together. This is so amazing That's not being mindful of your feelings. That's only that person expressing what they want It's not a fair assessment Of how he feels about you and if he's truly a protector, he's going to be an emotional protector See we weren't trained to be emotional protectors We're we're we're again We live in such a myopic self-centric world that where most humans are only focused about themselves And I think being a true Protector is protecting someone's emotions But Jonathan men are provider protectors You guys got to let go of this narrative as if assuming it means emotionally cavemen never dealt with emotions or we or well I'm I'm going to suspect cave people where this whole narrative comes from Provider protector comes from cave people cave people didn't deal with emotions Okay, so don't superimpose that that's what it means. Okay We're talking about imprinting this hundreds if not Millions of years old. It wasn't emotionally speaking Only an emotionally evolved person is protective of your emotions Number five you've never met his friends That's a pretty good sign That if you haven't met his friends folks if you haven't met his family and friends That's that's a gigantic red flag and remember red flag Means asked deeper questions. You could call it a deal breaker But I would venture to say well, I want to be clear red flag means ask more questions Deal breaker means no red flag means ask deeper questions If you haven't met his family and friends, that's a bad sign number six He doesn't go out of his way for you Let's say you're sick and you need some support. Maybe you're moving He doesn't go out of his way to help you. Maybe you've got a professional issue going on Maybe you've got something going on with his children and you need just a little bit of support He doesn't go out of his way in other words. He's only focused by the way Here's what happens a lot of you ladies Isn't it fascinating how many men after you've had sex with them? All of a sudden they're busy. I'm busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy It fascinates me how busy somebody becomes After they've been physically while they're while they're on the hunt phase. They're available available available available They're texting. They're calling. They're doing everything See vetting a person requires going deeper than the surface and you have to pay attention to someone Who it's certainly a red flag if he's not going out of his way He's in his myopic world and not vested in your world and last but not least number seven He puts off Or avoids conversations about exclusivity Or about any conversations about the future folks Some of you are in relationship for years and you haven't talked about what's going to happen in the future That's a no. No folks don't waste years with someone if you're not the minute to the minute ladies the Penis goes inside the vagina. This is the time to have critically important or maybe before But have some critically important conversations about what you both want but most importantly What does commitment look like for you and what does a significant relationship look like for you? Well, I just want to take it slow. Let's just have it casual. It just needs to be slow By the way, anytime you hear that That is a red flag. He's an emotionally constipated guy because a constipated men Can't dive into emotions And so as I share these seven red flags my real Point I want to stress with everyone Is there a lot of people hurting? There are there are a lot of people hurting and it's sad, you know, emotionally speaking And if you're hurting emotionally, maybe it's not time for you to be put yourself out there But certainly pay close attention to where someone is at in their life because if they're hurting Your job is not to be his rebuild rehabilitation center Women are not a man's rehabilitation center. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know and if it is post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts as always if you found value in this video Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos as well All right, it's time to ask questions. If you have a question Right, there's a little chat box in the Write the word question and post the question thereafter Or there's a little dollar sign the chat box. You can purchase a super sticker super chat All of the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him right there in the little woody outfit It's my son who passed away over five years ago and his honor we donate to causes like the hoffman process And insight institute just to name a few and again, there's a little dollar sign our goal is $50 tonight Let's get $50 donate. I think we got 40 the other night. Let's get 50 tonight Oh, and if you'd like to join the hot seat, there's a link right here Who's brave enough to join the hot seat tonight? We had some fun last night. I'd love to have you join as well All right, lisa's in the house What are three good vetting questions to ask someone great question? Okay. Well first This is where my coaching comes in but i'm i'm a big proponent of asking what does commitment look like for you What does a relationship look like for you? And lastly, um, find out about their past relationships. I mean those are three really critically important questions And I think, you know, it's interesting when I interviewed Tyce Gibson Um, who wrote the book uh learning love. I'm just getting started on this book. I'm really enjoying it There's a picture of her. She's gonna be in my video tomorrow. So there's her her Her youtube channel is called the the the personal development school But um, oh fuck. What was I going to say about her? Um We were just talking about the importance of vetting. So um, anyway be on the lookout for that video. It's coming out tomorrow Oh, oh so about important questions She thinks uh have two to three important questions that you want asked in the first five days So I well, she didn't say five dates, but I'm I'm going to super impose this So your first couple critical dates make sure you have two or three important questions you want answered I like doing it all up front, but I'm unafraid to do that. Um, but that was what she recommended. Okay All right a beach lover's in the house with a five dollar super sticker Let's get the ball rolling now. We need 45 more dollars or is it four 45 Thank you for the love I appreciate it. Uh People are talking about dogs. Okay stop that I need questions here. Oh When is it appropriate to meet family and friends? I think if two people begin a physically intimate relationship, that's the time to connect I mean certainly you can do it before physical intimacy But certainly by the time two people are physically intimate You should be getting to know more about this person at a deeper level So whether it's before or shortly thereafter folks, you can't be afraid to dive in Folks this do you know our current dating model is just a strung out version of friends with benefits That's all dating is really just a strung out version of friends with benefits Most of you find yourself In friends with benefits And sometimes you don't even know that's what it is and sometimes you're not really friends Situationships or casual relationships. I would say 80 percent of all Non-married couples in a relationship excluding those living together are in casual relationships. There's no real clear direction Let's stop that stop that stop that. Okay All right What does this say? What is the brand name? What brand name is that shirt? Oh, I think this is a bugatti or something like I think it's uh bugatti or something like that I can't see it right now. Where's let's see. I can't Here hold on since someone asked can you see it? I think it's bugatti. I'll check it out later. But that's a weird question magic entertainer. So Uh something like bugatti or something like that. I got it the Nordstrom's rack. Okay Uh, let's see what else Uh, bum bum bum bum. Well, we got a bashful group. Come on somebody magic entertainer Why don't you have some nerve and join the hot seat tonight or marcy join the hot seat or beach lover join the hot seat Come on. Let's have some fun tonight. We did last night. Otherwise, this is going to be a very short live stream Um Vila says how long does it typically take for a man to be emotionally available after a divorce? There is no one size fits all um, it's mostly predicated on the um amount of personal development work that he has done to be ready for something like that um, so Anyway, great question How melt melissa. Okay. There's a link. I just point posted in the chat box if you want to join the hot seat There's the link. Okay. So melissa. Let's see if you're brave enough to join Click that link. It will be fun um You know I'm going to come back to this question How long does it take for someone to be typically emotionally available? So after my divorce I would say let's see two thousand five Six seven eight nine ten. So I went down the rabbit hole for about five years And I began crawling out of the rabbit hole for the next five years. So I would say men Okay, alison armstrong talks about the tunnel Where's my book the queenscope? Alison armstrong talks about the tunnel The tunnel and I I'm going to say the average tunnel for a man that that that hero's journey Could be up to 10 years sometimes even 20 years Wow, jonathan, that's so long. Well human, you know, you have to really Decide that to work on yourself and it takes years of peeling back the layers to find yourself in a position To be able to learn emotional expressiveness. So yeah, um Melissa says I want to but I'm in my jammies. Oh, it's okay. Melissa. Who cares? Um, but I'm gonna say it took it took me a good 10 years to get just Just appeal a lot of the layers and many of you I'm gonna say probably find yourself in the same place. So anyway, great question. Thanks so much Hey folks, we've got a bashful group tonight. So I think we'll have a short live stream for tonight unless we get some good questions coming in um I know we're talking about my shirt. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Melissa will do this next time Folks, I'm gonna give one more or 30 more seconds if we don't have a good question coming We're gonna wrap up for the evening Um, come on. Give me something good to talk about other than my shirt. Okay Um, McCoy says I think I'm finally healing from my late boyfriend and what went on. That's good to hear Uh Miss fischer says why do men play the Hot cold game. Is it really about sex even if they tell you over and over again? They want forever We're swimming in a sea of emotional brokenness. That's part of the reason most humans aren't really that aware of who they are on the inside and it's no wonder Um, you know, we're seeing a lot of hot and cold hot and cold is a person who who isn't really attuned to themselves That's my perception anyway. So great question. Thank you so much Why can't two broken people help each other heal? Both people have to want to help Both people have to want to heal if they want to heal The problem is once they heal they go and find someone new So they look like a bright shiny penny to someone new It's not your job. Listen if you need work Do the work so you can show up in a relationship where you don't need to be with another broken person to make it work Okay Mary Ann says I'm finding time going faster since my divorce. Do you agree? Well Yeah, because I want you to think about when you're one year old And you go from one to two. That's 50 percent of your life When you go to two to three, that's a third of your life when you go three to four That's a quarter of your life. So time does move faster. I think as we age. All right, jill. Oh, hey jills in the house Hey, how are you? Hi guys Um, I do have a question and it's like for real. Okay. So, um, the guy that I was telling you about last week Okay, so he's he's kind of been like a little bit like I'm inviting everybody a quick recap Okay, so recap. So a friend of mine introduced me to this guy. He's pretty spectacular. We've been out a few times like breakfast but um, no no intimacy yet, um And um, I've invited he's like said, oh, let's get together a couple times and then I'd say Yeah, sure, that'd be great. And then I invite him to something and he'd say, oh, I have surgery I was gonna be kind of late. I'm gonna be tired So he's kind of like said yes and then pulled back And then the friend that introduced me, um, apparently he said to him like, look, you're gonna lose her If you don't like get serious about how do you feel about her? The triangulation which I don't care for but whatever and What triangulation? Well, because she's like talking to him and then she's asking me, you know that thing Okay, got it. Um, so like I was saying, um, so she apparently he was she said, well, yeah He's really really interested. He's really he really he sees you as like the lifetime partner And so then he's like, well, so so immediately she said, well, you better move because she's gonna move on And so then like within minutes apparently I he sent me a text and just said he got covid today or yesterday or something So we couldn't get together today But he said I'm gonna get a PCR test. I'll be fine by Friday And so I'm like, okay, but then I'm going like, well, should I just be pulling back a little bit? I mean, I feel like it's like he's been sort of distant a little pulling but he's been kind of hot and cold And I'm hearing things like he really he was divorced 18 years ago and he Is still pretty bitter about it. He was real I think I told you this is interesting because you always say, you know, whatever however their answer is about their x He was like, oh, yeah. Well, it was really difficult a lot of financial situation, but um, you know, it was, you know It is what it is, you know, and then he kind of he played it down So I thought well that was good, but according to my friend he was he's still it's like she said It's like it happened two years ago and he's really upset about it And so I'm wondering I'm just seeing remember we talked about like that how charged is the charge, you know I think this is a real big charge and I'm wondering my my intuition is going like Run but I don't know if it's me saying my intuition saying run or if it's me being scared of getting hurt again Should I should it's interesting and by the way, um, just for everyone listening the reason why I let jill uh I'm gonna use the word ramble, but you didn't ramble um that I allowed you a little more Latitude and sharing the story I remember a place the word ramble because many of you women when you talk to me you ramble All I hear is what what what what what so thank you for being articulate here. Okay with that said, um Is it your intuition or fear? That's why I'm at wanting to figure out is So, you know what you think about this for a moment and let's just play with this for a second Does it matter? Oh No And why doesn't it matter? Because it would be the same end result Yeah Well, if you're in fear Okay, if your intuition says run you run, okay, or when we say run just we'll say pass or next. Okay That's the intuition saying that okay pass or next but you're going well is this fear. Okay, so if it's fear What is the fear telling you? It's gonna he's going to he's always busy with work like he's he's even gonna get more busy because he's trying to build his business up here again and he in surgery and so If this is the best if this is the best he's gonna do like I mean in terms of like he's showing up as much as he can Time out time out. Okay. Is that fear? Or is that a rationalization? Could be a rationalization. Yeah, because you're just rationalizing what's going on So what let's go back to the fear if you're afraid. What are you afraid of? I'm afraid that he is going to take me for granted at some point because right now It's like, oh, she'll always be there and then I can just work and not and not have to worry about things Is that fear? Yeah, it's like the fear of being being Not important to him. Okay. By the way, I want to give props to brian for the $20 super sticker Thank you for the love brian. We appreciate it That means we're only 25 dollars away from our goal tonight. Okay, so thanks for the love So jill If it's fear or intuition does it matter? I guess it does because I need to figure out whether if it's if it's fear I need to work on what i'm afraid of Okay, and maybe it's nothing Okay, so Are you afraid of him or are you afraid of putting yourself out there? I'm not afraid of putting I put myself out there. Okay. I'm working. So really This isn't you sabotaging anything then no no, it's your really it's most likely Your intuition that's going beep beep beep beep beep And then what we do is we rationalize it. We make up stories. Okay to to validate that fear and then we start thinking Oh, I'm sabotaging this experience instead of just going, you know what something doesn't feel right And you know what I don't need to figure it out I just what and to the extent that you pull back you disengage from investment Okay, and then if he reengages investment then you go, you know what do I really want to do this now? Here's where the ego comes back and says hey, I'm in Buenos Aires. There aren't that many guys here You know, I got this and I got that he's a viable body It's someone to talk to I'll make myself available and then guess what's gonna happen three weeks later You're gonna be right back going. What's the definition of insanity again? Yeah, yeah Yeah So now the hard part, you know, the hardest thing we humans have is to stand up For our no Mm-hmm, you know to really just say, you know what doesn't work for me, you know what I'm gonna wish you well, but I'm not gonna go down this road because we have this stupid fucking narrative But Jonathan you just never know Oh This phrase whoever you know, like when someone whenever the person came up with phrase He's just not that into you. Well, some that's a that's a great phrase But then someone else came up. You just never know. Okay. Well, you just never know is code for A broken clock is right twice a day Okay That's all that's called for and the other 20 some 23 hours and 52 minutes Or excuse me 58 minutes Your no isn't is right. Okay, but we hold on to these one time that it might happen In fact, she even talked about it and drew Barrymore talked about it in the movie. Um He's just not that into you. So, um You know when we really if you really want to live in flow, okay, you've been following mac con, okay? Yeah, love it. You really want to live in flow than just living your into trust your intuition You don't need to make up stories about what's going on. Just go, you know, it doesn't feel right I'm just gonna disengage Okay, because this feels like so much just like discomfort like dis ease like this just like oh Not disease but dis ease this. Yeah. No, I got it It's like oh one minute. I get a text the next minute. It's like, uh, and then he can't and then he can go Oh, no, he can't go all okay, and it's just like and I hate that roller coaster So, you know you come back is are you typically a wishy-washy guy? I'm just curious Oh, I like that. I mean, it's a it's it. You know what? It's just a fuck with him. I'm sorry. It's a it's a passive aggressive comment, but it's you know, I mean, I don't I think there's a deeper situation with him is that he lost a lot of money in his divorce And now he's trying to make up for it. I think subconsciously he he's He's punishing himself a little bit because he he did he did it happened and it's a long story But I think that's what's happening and so he's working excessively and You literally Can say you know what I've observed from you It's just an observation. I have tell me how this lands with you Literally say exactly what you just said because I don't remember it verbatim And see how he responds to it Oh, oh, right like duh like just straight up right say what it is Let me just keep it to myself. Oh, yeah, that's a great idea What do I have to lose nothing? Yeah, you got nothing to lose Thanks. All right, jillie. That's great. Appreciate it. Well, whoever said they were gonna get on your big hug to you too And whoever said to get it and not to get on their pajamas. I'm in my pajamas. So you need to get it on here All right, melissa wants to get in your pajamas and join us. Thanks jill big hug. Bye. Good night everybody. Good night All right, so let's see what we got here Valerie Why does a ghoster return then disappear again? Because you let him um, you know what? Okay, let me give you an analogy. This is a crude analogy, but where's the picture? There's callin right there my son callin Okay I think he was 14 years old Halo had just came out and they were having a midnight halo is a video game for those who you don't know Halo's a video game and they um, and it was on sale at best buy, but it didn't come out till midnight So what people did is they waited in line to get the game and it turns out we got there at like three in the afternoon Okay, midnight right three in the afternoon. There was already 20 people in line By 1159 there was 3000 people in the parking lot. I mean it was like a football field long 20 people deep Or 20 people wide. Okay, and he gets this video game And he's all excited He's just excited. He's playing the game playing the game playing the game Until he stopped and put it up on the shelf It calls me up dad. It was a new game called duke nukem Gotta get it. Gotta get it midnight. This was at game stop. We went actually it was a very small line at game stop And so a couple months go by and I said hey Are you do you play halo anymore? He says yeah when i'm bored I'll just pull out it pull it off the shelf and play it See, okay. How's this relate? Played the game got bored put it up on the shelf See men who ghost Always think you're like the video game on the shelf I could just go pluck it at any time and put it back in the in the in the game cartridge. Okay See the minute a man makes a connection with a woman men have this superiority complex about them to think that you They are god and you're always going to say yes to them even when they treat you like shit and someone okay They think they're god They think they can Reach out to you because women are so desperate that you're going to say yes to a guy Because he thinks he's god. Okay. That's why they do it. Just my perception on that anyway um Anyone wants to join the hot seat and ask me a question about that, but that's my response to that um pest says American men and women are as Are as too spoiled when war breaks out our soil You will see the focus switch to total survival good men will rise to the top like cream till then You know the minute that happens i'm fucked because i don't you know listen i i don't know how to i don't know how to fight I was never prepared. I don't know any survival skills. Okay Yes, those people that grew up with guns and know how to fix shit They're they're they're ready, but the average guy like me were fucked Okay, doesn't mean we're bad. It's just the reality of life That's my perception of that anyway um Jill says thank you for allowing her to rant you're very welcome. Hope you provided We provided some value for you um Ardley says Jill Collins connections Thank you for sharing your emotions of having a man who puts you first is important Then listen to it if it's something you prefer amen All right Ardley says well my goodness jonathan asley. This is powerful insight. Thank you so much. I appreciate that Thank you. Thank you Um, there was a personal question that came up earlier one question. I asked why while dating is how many Would you handle zombie apocalypse? I mean if someone asked me that you know what the answer is we're fucked I'm sorry. I'm just very aware of who I am as a person. I was never trained Most guys were never trained, you know where we might have some basic survival skills But most of us have not been trained um I saw this earlier question come in personal question By the way, if you have any personal questions, you're more than welcome to ask towards the balance of this video How much are you spending per month for dating apps? I'm so old-fashioned. I'm struggling at the idea, but how um by idea how Well, anyway, okay, so I paid let me just give you exactly what I paid I joined bumble and hinge and I paid the 99 dollars for a six month So that's uh 200 dollars divided by six. That's about 35 dollars a month for that I joined match.com. I got a discount. Um, I paid 30 dollars a month I guess, you know 28 dollars a month for that. So now we're at 58. Is that right 58? 60 and then I joined millionaire match, which is another 38 60 so roughly I've invested a hundred dollars a month in my prospecting I mean, that's by the way, that's nothing hundred dollars a month to invest in your love life is nothing So, um, I don't think that's a lot to spend. Okay. That's just my perception. Anyway, all right Diane is in the house and she wants so she's gonna be live with us Hey What's uh, what's what's going on there? I'm with my family. Okay. Well, we can hear that Are you just saying hi because I want just saying hi, that's all okay Well, can I reach into and give you a big gigantic shot the mirror? Sure. Thank you. All right. Thank you for joining. We appreciate it Wasn't that sweet she came on just to say hi that's very sweet. All right um Jonathan, what are your thoughts about? Layer bonding and how to heal what's layer bonding most influencers talk about it from a standpoint of shame towards women who no longer have hymen prior to marriage Hey google What is layer bonding? Oh Hair bond pair bond. Okay. What are your thoughts about pair bond? I just saw by the way. I'm reading it properly. It says layer bond pair bonding Uh, what are your thoughts on pair bonding on how to heal most influencers talk about it from standpoint of shame um Hey google What is the definition of pair bonding? According to wikipedia in biology a pair bond is the strong affinity that develops in some species between a mating pair Often leading to the production and rearing of offspring and potentially a lifelong bond Hair bonding is a term coined in the 1940s that is frequently used in sociobiology and evolutionary biology circles Okay, so I I'm all for pair bonding I just don't understand the balance of the most influencers talk about it from a standpoint of shame Towards the women who no longer have a hymen. I don't get that rose. I mean, I just don't know what influencers talking about so I apologize i'm not um I don't know how to respond to this because I don't know what those influencers are talking about so um But pair bond and well to me. Okay, so I said i'm for it. Let me be clear what I am for I am all for conscious relationships intentional relationships. I'm all for two people you know co-creating a significant relationship together that leads to um Leads to either living together or getting married. I'm a big proponent of that I'm just a big advocate for that. So to that extent. I'm um very all for it. Okay And as far as red pill people people not being a virgin when they get married listen folks Red pill is for a bunch of idiotic 20 year olds. We're in the midlife category We got all broken hymens here and we got vaginas that have pushed out a baby most of the time. So, um I'm just that you know just not that interested in what a bunch of 20 gen z's are talking about Okay, um pump pump pump pump I'm the one who said in a profile. You must like women as people you said that was cynical why I'm the one who said in my profile. You must like women You know That sounds i'll be candid with you and if anyone disagrees with what i'm about to say post a comment because You must like women. That's almost a that to me is a cynical statement. Okay. I don't know the necessity for it Like why do you need to put that you must like, you know, you know, you must like women like Do you like do you think people that hate women will read that and go? Oh my god I shouldn't reach out to her because she only wants she only wants a man who likes women I mean a person that's a woman hater is not going to see it. So it's a to me It's both moot, but it's also meaning that you've been hurt by somebody who you believe doesn't like women and now There's a projection of that Miss leila you may disagree with me. I'd be curious to hear what other people think about what I say is that cynical is that Or what's the value for doing putting that up? I'd be really interested to hear what other people say about that um so anyway, um Women are more emotional than men true fact women and men are different and humans are complex differing journeys body chemistry exactly Uh, oh, yeah, by the way lisk. Oh, she brings up a good point Actually, a woman hater will take that as a challenge. I mean, that's another good point But guy hates women he's gonna go. I'm gonna fuck with this one. So why There's no benefit. There is no benefit of putting that on your profile. Okay. That's just my opinion Paul tree says it's just negativity in your profile. You're right, jonathan. Thank you Um, that's kind of my take on it. It's kind of cynical You know, it doesn't it doesn't serve you it won't benefit you but You can disagree with me. That's okay. We're here to have our own opinions, you know Pess says You're a daily default for me. That's a good thing because you're a you're A paradigm of reason logic common sense. Thank you for being you carrying on. Thank you so much Um, arly says and by the way, these are other people saying this. Uh, miss leila Uh, jonathan, it came across as being cynical to me as well. The misogynistic will definitely take this as a challenge Not that you want them to take it on as a challenge. So, okay, good. We got that covered Okay, why are you guys talking about circumcising women? All right. We're we're in the united states. I don't believe that happens arly goes on to say Yes, conscious relationship co-creating a significant relationship leading the marriage is what I want as well. Amen Um, windy says as long as you're open to lean jonathan, you will serve Okay, I don't know what that means, but thank you all right Come on. Let's oh, we just got a new member. Melissa just joined. Okay folks Right next to the video There's a little spot. Wait, let's open up a video here um Um jonathan asley will turn down the volume so you don't hear this but right next to one of my videos There's a little There's a little join button you can join Oh, wait, you can join somewhere. There's a join button Fuck there's somewhere. There's there's a join button. Okay, you can join the membership here It's only $2.99 a month. It supports our cause. It allows me to do what I do We're stoked that melissa join. Let's give her some props Love to anyone who joins tonight. I'm just going to give a shout out of a lot of love. Okay Chrissy says Uh jonathan, thank you for the analogy of your son with uh games He would put on the shelf that aha light turned on Turned on with that. I'm so happy Chrissy that turned you on There's taja a lot. Okay. No as people jonathan No as people jonathan. I don't know what that means But I think you're referring to the thought that I thought it was sigin cynical. I guess you don't but that's okay We're all by the way folks we all get to do what we want to do well to some extent. I I do believe Um do what you want to do so long as you're not doing harm to another that's kind of my philosophy anyway Um Jess says I don't see it on my phone. Um, just there's a space to join The membership. I just don't know where the fuck it is. Um It's underneath it's right next to my name or something like that, but it says join. Okay Okay List says something just must like women as people as opposed to women as objects Hmm. I'm still not a fan of that but that's certainly a little bit. Um That's a little bit more direct. There's no doubt about it. Uh, that's a little bit more direct River chick Question confront a ghosted you've been dating on and off for four years Okay, folks, that's not a question or a ghost or confront Confront a ghost or who you've been dating on and off for four years Folks, why do people look at I I am guilty of a non-again off-again relationship Can I tell you what the definition of insanity is? During the same thing over and over again expecting a different result Oh How crazy are we humans? I'm guilty of it Oh list wants to say it's right next to the subscribe button on my videos to join Uh Hardly says join is between the name and the subscribe button folks. We'd love it if you join we'd love to have some more love I'll give you some props tonight okay, um Um McCoy says I've always say don't put anything out there that might Seem to challenge for people who like causing issues. You will get what you you know, it's interesting I was reading when I prepared my hey, do you guys want to hear my uh bumble profile? Okay, let's okay. Let's have some fun here Um because I wrote something and I asked one of my girlfriend She goes oh that's kind of passive aggressive when I say girlfriends a female friend of mine, but I will read you my Profile from bumble. Do you guys want to hear it? Okay? About me okay, here's my about me page. Okay For the past five years after losing my son I've been on a deep exploration to find out who I really am beyond fear and ego A journey of self-love speaking a marriage-minded woman who wants to explore the depths of love I go on to say um Swipe right if personal development and spiritual practices are important to you Including plant based journeys to explore deeper consciousness and expand to the divine and I go on to say a non-negotiable You must have connection with source or spirit And a desire to heal from childhood wounds and adult traumas basically to grow Emotionally as a person and as a couple And pro and con of dating jonathan. Okay, here's a pro and con Pro high emotional IQ and good relationship skills con. I like to process everything That's my bumble profile. What is my uh hinge profile say I'll just read that because it's kind of the same but slightly different Uh, oh you you're gonna like this I'm looking for someone who's ready for a fully committed relationship Where we can spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities Hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy where we can either move in together or get married I would like someone who wants those same things Is it you let me know So that's the recording in the hinge profile. It says what I won't shut up about I'm fascinated with human behavior and personal development, especially in the area of self love and self work I go on to say if you have a curious mind. We're a fit as a sapio sexual I'm attracted to an inquisitive woman who's interested in expanding mutual consciousness personal development And spirituality are my jam my love language Words physical touch and quality time as a leo. I love words of adoration What can I say? I like my main stroke with words and touch quality time as well with an empty nester or no children That's my profile Um Anyways, I thought I did you find that interesting. I'm curious to hear Uh, one of our facebook members says can we copy that? Okay, if you join for those that are in my group called midlife love mastery There's a link below to join my private group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis through a facebook page and um And a once a month webinar in fact will be holding our our monthly q&a call next week I will cut and paste My profile on I will put it on the midlife love mastery page. So in the link below join midlife here folks here If you want to join midlife love mastery Join my vip group go to jonathan asley dot com forward slash midlife love To join my private group jonathan asley dot com forward slash midlife love to join my private group and you can have direct access to it there Jill says that's very interesting Kia says I would love to come across those profiles sapio sexual Yes, for those that don't know what sapio sexual means it's people that are intrigued with the mind and the way people think Uh vila says I love it great profile. I like it interested too. Ardly says I love it um, elissa says whoo Trista says that's cute Hey folks I appreciate the love tonight. You guys have been fantastic. Um It's been an hour. I've been great It's been a it's been a privilege to allow me to share with everyone tonight. I hope you found value in this I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below. I'd like to hear what you thought about it I do my best to read all the comments as always if you find value in my videos Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first. I've given myself a big gigantic job at the bear hug I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear a pillow and give enter them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank mccoy and our facebook group members and liske and biva and kia and ardly and jill and melissa our brand new member and trista and river chick and b and Tal yet taja And by the way, thanks for that brave question. I really appreciate it sharing your truth. We really appreciate it Anyway shirt fire, uh, let's see who else marianne and uh beach lover and jess and uh, liske everyone big hugs Thanks a bunch wishing you a fab evening. Take care. All right, you be well