 Hey, it's Bridget. Hi. Good morning. Good morning. Welcome to Sunday Morning Coffee with Bridget. So I just literally shot out of bed. I sat up really quick, grabbed my journal, my pen, and turned on the light and started to write. I had, I literally woke up with this realization about the concept, the topic of judgment. This is a really heavy word, right? Judgment. Because it's been interwoven in us, our senses as a punishment, something to be feared that judgment happens by somebody in power and authority. And we even call people judges and their job is to decide things, either for or against us. So in my own healing journey, as you know, because I've shared a lot, I'm Bridget inspired on my Facebook page here on Instagram and also I think a little bit, a little bit on a Buff Life channel, but I have been working a lot on myself, on myself awareness, on recognition of patterns and cycles of clearing grief and trying to really let myself be as authentic and true to myself instead of with these habits or patterns and responses, right, that are just ingrained, designed to protect me as an empath, just like you who are listening, you're empathic. You don't know what that means. It means you're super sensitive to emotion and feeling, but you might not show it in a warm and fuzzy way. Okay. Okay. That's like classic Bridget. All right. We'll flash back to the way back machine and my sassy attitude or extreme sarcasm, which is, by the way, a form of judgment sarcasm. Oh my gosh, it's such a passive aggressive way, especially in the Midwest, I think. I think it's like a Midwest thing, very, very obvious in the Midwest, where it's very passive aggressive to where like, I can tell you what I think and ha ha ha ha ha ha, be funny about it. Well, you don't really need that in order to share your opinion. If you can share your opinion in a way or your view in a way that is articulate and self aware, right? So this judgment piece has been something I have been told, like that I'm so judging. Which I thought, I was, I, every time someone has said this, like close people like my sister or my daughter, a really good friend of mine, it's like, wait a minute. And it's not recent. Let me just tell you, this is not a recent thing. This has been like sprinkled throughout the last few years, especially. I have become more self aware. So I noticed when people tell me something and the word judgment as such a trigger, because judgment, again, is that person who makes a decision. Of good or bad. And I am in a place in my healing journey where I know that I want to feel good. I want to know that I'm good. I want to know that I, my whole, there's like, that's like a key for me. In fact, one of my affirmations after reading the high five habit by Mel Robbins recently on my bathroom here is I am good. I am likable. I am lovable. I am good. So when, when someone says, wow, that's judging, like what I say, they're not telling me that I'm judging. They're saying that's judgmental or that's judgy, usually judgy, like the slam term, that's judgy as in you're on a seat of power and you're just looking down on other people. That's how I've perceived it when someone would say that. And I would be super offended by that, right? And like, wait a minute, what? No, I am the nicest person ever. I love people. I care so deeply empathic. This is totally an empathic thought train. Stay with me on the train. I care so deeply for people. I don't want people to feel hurt or be hurt or be caused pain by other people because why? Because that has been my scenario too. And it's not right. It doesn't feel good. It feels bad. And so the word judgment has always been like a shut off point for me when somebody says that. Somebody says you're being judgy. I'm like, what? No, because I'm just being protective. I'm just stepping in to a conversation that you and I are having and I'm wrapping my energy around you to protect you so that you know you are good. And this other person, they're just an asshole. Now, sometimes there is very much truth to that. And most of the time there is some truth to that. However, that blanketed statement is like a judge putting a gavel down. And it is, it stops the conversation. It doesn't allow, it doesn't allow for the person who feels like they have been wronged, who feels like they are less than good, who feels bad. They're sad, angry, upset, hurt, whatever it might be vulnerable. It stops them from expressing all those emotions to get to a point for themselves where they have their power, where they find their power at the center core of themselves. And instead, I step in to soothe them. And I just realized this morning why I do that, because I want people to know their good, to know their goodness, because that's when you feel loved. Oh my God. What? So let's fast forward here. So for 18 years, I've been a certified life coach. All right. Not a therapist, a life coach, which means I'd listen to people. And most of my job has been to listen to people talk about their pain, or where they feel less than or where they feel bad or what they feel bad about the circumstances and the scenario of their lives, the people, the relationships, the experiences they've had. And it's really finding that place of healing opportunity, opportunity for healing. And there might be a lot. By the way, okay, as a coach, I can tell you this for sure, that there might be a ton of things going on in your life at one time, and you might be really impacted, like say by your job right now. But the themes that are happening in the job that are showing up at the ways that you are feeling might be directly related to some past wounding or trauma from when you were a little kid, or from when you were in high school, and there was competition between a friend group and you lost a friend group, or some moment in time, when you inherently felt this piece of less than, not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not loved enough. And the goal about the feeling good, at least for me, I can say is, I want to be loved. My goal in life, I feel like is love. And I think that that's the core of everyone, love in some way. And now love shows up on a lot of forms, right? It shows up in enjoying a great walk in nature, going on an awesome adventure, or a vacation, being in a scenario where you're all cozied up and reading a great book, and you're just loving the book and devouring the, your mind is in there. And your heart is in there, and you just feel so good to do that, or where you are in a place where you are just really so, so connected, like, maybe with your brain and education or whatever that is for you, whatever it is for you, maybe you're petting your dog or your cat, and you're just like, oh, it feels so good. That's love. That's a form of receiving love. And I know that that is at the heart of everything that we talk about. That is at the heart of everything that is missing. And we have been taught as a society and in our early parental relationships and early family relationships and early schooling relationships that you have to have certain behaviors or certain performances in order to receive, to earn the love. And love comes through attention or praise or acknowledgement. And yet those moments seem fleeting. The moments that stand out more are the moments of being called out, being corrected for something that we have not done exactly right. We may have deviated from the instructions and like in the classroom, for example, and are being told by a fellow classmate, that's wrong, you're not doing it right. Or we may be in a scenario like I can think of when I was in fourth grade, I went to a Baptist church and way back in those days, like you couldn't wear pants. I didn't know that. I had no idea. I went with some friends that invited me to go and like no, like my parents didn't go or anything. I just went because it looked like a fun churchy group thing. It looked like a fun social thing to be honest. So I went and I liked God. I was totally fine with God, you know. And so we went and I was called out. I was standing at the front of the room for something because I always volunteered for stuff. I was like, okay, sure. Yay, I'll do it. So I went up to the front of the room and a bunch of girls, other girls were pointing at me and saying, she's wearing pants. She can't be up there. She can't wear, she's wearing pants. They were like calling out and pointing out to me how I was wrong, which I didn't even know I was wrong. And so I thought, wow, okay, this is intense. So these are examples about how really at the core of us, I think we are just trying to connect with love and receive love. And we are taught that it comes from outside of us, like at least the awareness of it kind of comes in, I think, from outside this awareness of how people behave, the patterning of relationships of life, right? So how do I come to terms with that in relation to like, I recognize that I have this inner judge, and that comes from a fear of feeling judged my entire life. Feeling judged for being different, because my white hair stood out like a sore thumb. Let me tell you, I used to be called Q-tip, bright light, albino, which I do have a form of ocular albinism. So I guess that wasn't totally incorrect. However, these children were not doctors at that time, optometrists, to be able to judge that. But it's like, I think everyone feels judged. And the worst part, this is now this is the thing, the worst part. So I've been journaling on this for like an hour. The worst part is, we judge ourselves. We judge ourselves. I think in a way, becoming a life coach and sharing my gifts as a psychic and as a healer and clear as an intuitive has been a way for me to blend this compassionate loving energy and this desire for love to receive, to give it this bigger understanding, I think, in my heart and in my body about relationship and how most of us need to be seen and known and accepted. Primarily, as a life coach, I listen. Like, that's my job. I listen. And then I tell the truth. And I am hyper aware of how not to be judging in those scenarios. And the goal is to be helpful, not hurtful, right? And I can do that so well in those relationships. And yet then I step into my relationship, say with my daughter, or with my sister, or with a friend. And I instantly go to the, let's fix this. Or you feel bad. You're so good. You deserve better. Yeah, everybody else is wrong. You're right. So that they feel valued. And really the truth is if I need to use my life coaching skills and get better for myself and my own relationships about what is really needed in those moments to validate, to love someone, needs to listen to them, to let them hurt in front of me, to let them feel vulnerable and share their feelings and emotions without, without, without any action by me. And I am so action oriented. And I think that the judgment or the judging part of me is trying to help them know they're good because that's what I want to know too, is that I'm good. And that we're lovable. But I also think because I'm so action oriented and focused on, well, let's change things. Come on, let's do something about it. I think this is a really beautiful opportunity for me right now to recognize that judgment doesn't mean action. It means awareness that we are all innately good, everyone, even the person that is the perpetrator or doing the wrong. There's some part of that person, or that scenario that has been hurt, or that is broken in some way or feels broken in some way or is not perfect. Maybe not perfect is a better way to describe it. Everyone is not perfect. And if that's true, then we are going to have experiences with other people, scenarios, situations where we're going to feel hurt, and we're going to feel pain, and we're going to need to get that out of our bodies. And we get it out by talking about it and then being heard, just being listened to. And I've known this, the word listening has come up actually, it came up last year for me before I was doing my word of the year. And I was trying to think about it if I wanted to use it as a word, but then I was kind of scared to, honestly. I was a little afraid of it because I thought, oh crap, if I use listening, that means am I going to lose my voice? Am I going to be in scenario situations, relationships, and with people who just need me to listen? And as an empath, you know this, you know how hard listening is. It's hard as an empath because we don't have structures in place innately to feel safe and protected when someone else is really upset, whether it be angry, sad, grieving, really pissed off, even if they're totally rational. We don't have structures as an empath inside of us to feel safe when someone else is just going to town with emotion or feeling, or worse, or you know what's worse is when someone isn't sharing anything, they're closed up. They're only communicating what they think you want to hear because guess what? They're coming from a place of fear of judgment and they are afraid you will think they are bad because they know they are bad. When the truth is they are good and they are worthy, just like you are good and you are worthy. Our actions are not what we are. They're how we feel. Oh my God, that's brilliant. Our actions are not what we are. They're just how we feel. Our actions show our behavior show how we feel. So we need to, you and I both have to agree to this, okay? We have to agree to be more self-aware about that and recognize that it's okay to share our feelings and our emotions in the right context with people who are safe for us that we can trust. And remember, as Brene Brown would say, people earn the right to hear your story. Brene Brown and her great work, if you don't know it, you better start knowing it. Brene Brown, Google her, Brene Brown. Wash her TED Talk. People earn the right to hear your story. So make sure that when you share and you're being vulnerable, like when you're with a therapist, for example, or a counselor or a great friend, open your mouth and say the truth. Speak the truth about how you feel. Get it out of your body because as an empath, you stuff it and you hide it in your body and then eventually you have a bad, a bum knee or a sensitive stomach or anxiety. Does that sound familiar or something worse? Maybe you have a fibromyalgia. Maybe you have other things that are massive and major because as an empath, you have been stuffing your feelings. I'm not saying like a be like a fire hose and spray them all over everybody. I'm saying share with intent to be heard, to get it out of your body. And the validation is you recognizing these are your feelings. You don't have to take action. You're just clearing your palate. And I have, it's weird because now I'm remembering this too. Oh my goodness. So I have begun with my kids the last two years to try to remember to say to them when they're freaking out or super upset about something which they have a lot of family drama. Let me just say, not for me. Oh, I know you probably think it's a lot. No, it's not just for me. Let me just say it. I mean now they kind of have a little family drama thing, but I'm a straight shooter. So I say, you know, I'm honest with them when they ask me things. And so I recognize that I have been using this tool and I'm a share with you because it might help you too in relationship, especially if we have adult children or teenage, older teenage children. This works really well. And with significant others, partners, spouses and friends too. Okay, am I listening? Especially, okay, people that you feel really responsible for. Let me say that somebody you love like big time love and you're like, oh my gosh, I would give you five kidneys away. Don't laugh too. I need one. Okay, I'll give you a kidney like those kinds of people. You know what I'm saying, right? You know what I'm saying. And I would have conversations with them and I would qualify when they started to kind of like, I didn't know, I couldn't tell if they're venting or if they just want to be heard. I should listen or if I'm supposed to listen to give advice, because especially as a mom too, you got to listen. You got to give advice, right? Because we're so seasoned like we've been through that we've been down that road with all those situations and scenarios that they're not going through as young adults and they have no clue. They think we just magically popped out as old, which is not true by the way. High five on that, right? That is not true. We lived life and we're still living life. But so what I would say is I would clarify and I've been doing that a lot and I've been doing it for like two years now. And that is clarify. So say, okay, so wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Am I listening just so, you know, are you venting? Is this a venting thing? I'm just going to listen. Or am I listening because I need to give you advice when you're done talking to me? Like, how should I be listening? Just let you vent. Safe space to vent. Get it out. Get it out. Or are we having like a problem solving session? Am I going to need to give you advice? Because it matters then on my perspective and how I am receiving the information that you're sharing. Because I'll be taking it really to heart and taking notes practically, right? If I'm going to be giving you advice. And if you're just venting or you need to just get it out of your body, then I have to be as an empath aware of that so that I don't take it in. Suck it up like a vacuum because there's a bunch of crap. There's a bunch of bad feeling right here. So I'm just going to suck up these bad feelings. But no, we can't do that, right? Didn't we have this discussion? That's not our job. We are good people. We are innately good. We don't have to hide ourselves or hold back or limit what we say to people in different aspects or areas of our lives. We get to walk through the world and live as beautifully good beings. That doesn't mean perfect. You are not perfect. Stop trying to be perfect and orchestrate your behavior and what you share and what you don't share, what you withhold and what you say. Because people feel that shit. Let me tell you, if you're an empath, if you're even remotely around empaths, we know that you're holding them back. And that's not a fun scenario to be in either, right? So I'm working with this whole judgy piece and softening my understanding about that, recognizing the patterns and the cycles of my entire life, why that has come to play and come to pass, and recognizing how it has served me as a human and protected me as a human. And also, now, at the place I'm at in my human life journey, in my healing journey, I am not willing to not be self-aware. So I'm going to work with this understanding in my relationships and recognize that listening deeply and acknowledging that my inner child is saying, you're not bad, you're so good, you help them, help them, help them, they're good, tell them they're good, tell them they're good. Oh my gosh, that person's so bad. My inner child is like the good and the bad, the right and the wrong. And when I get into that place or if I can be aware how I care so much that that comes up first, it's like, they're good, they're good, be good, be good, everybody's good. This protection piece, if I can recognize that that's a part of the judgment and it keeps people, the bad people away, recognizing that that's not really true, it makes me feel bad. And it doesn't value the relationship I'm in with someone as I am a sacred container for them to hold their space in an interpersonal relationship or connection. So I'm talking like my close relationships. It's so strange how at work I can just like as a life coach, I can just flip on a switch and I can totally show up in the way that I know how to do it. It's just automatic and it's genuine and it's easy. But in my interpersonal relationships, it's like, I don't want to life coach people. I want to be present. I want to be a safe space for people because I want people to be a safe space for me. I want to be able to exchange and flow in vulnerability and that looks different than sometimes that judgment piece, that overprotector, which the judge is totally an overprotector. It's an overprotector. It wants to fix people and heal people so badly because they don't want them to feel bad. Because why? Because the judge wants to feel good in her heart, wants to remember and know that she's good. Does this sound familiar? Maybe. Alright, so the next thing I'm going to have to work on is the over-sharing piece, which is going to be hard because I don't know what my content's going to look like as a result of that when I do that work. But there you go. Judgment today as we reflect, as we step into the last month of the year, feeling into this energy and sharing with you. I'm so grateful to have you in my life to be able to share and express and connect in these wonderful ways through the Sunday Morning Coffee podcast and on Above Life channel on YouTube. Also on Bridget Inspired on Instagram and Bridget Inspired on Facebook. I hope that somehow someway today I've inspired your spirit a little. Maybe filled you with some hope, giving you encouragement to live your life. It's your life after all and you get to live it. Just live it.