 Hi, lovers. So just like you, I've been having my cup out for the past 24 hours trying to catch the tea that's been spilling everywhere with this old Tristan Thompson and Khloe Kardashian. Situation, that's gone down. In essence, he has been caught on multiple occasions with different women and it's all coming to pass right now in the media. We don't know what Khloe's side is yet or how she's feeling. We do know that she's probably focused on creating life, which she's about to do probably any day now at this point. Nonetheless though, I wanted to take this opportunity as a chance to make it a teachable moment like I usually do with any kind of social media gossip or celebrity gossip that happens. So I'm going to give a list of do's and do nots when it comes to dealing with serial cheaters. First and foremost, this do and do not is for us. It's for the regular folk who are watching this whole thing unfold. Do take this as an opportunity to start discussions. Do take this as a chance to reflect on your own relationships, maybe to reflect with your partner about what infidelity means to you. It's a chance to say, hey, did you hear this story? What do you think? What do you think about us? So focus really more on this than doing this. That being said, do not act like you are the all knowing Oracle, that you can pass the blame, that you are the man atop the mountain who sees things for what they really are. What's been really irking me over the past 24 is seeing all the comments of like, well, if that's how you got them, that's how you're going to lose them, you know, in reference to the fact that he got together with Chloe allegedly while he was with someone else who was also pregnant at the time. That all being said, null and void, let's please not act as if this is the reason that he cheated or that she deserves this type of scenario. News flash to everyone, if you are over the age of 18 at this point, you probably have cheated, have been cheated on or someone that you really know and care about has experienced the former or the latter. What does that tell you? It tells you that there is no specific reason why this happens. It happens to perfect people and imperfect people. It happens to hashtag couple goals. It happens to hashtag damn, they're still together. It just happens. So every single time we have an instance in the media that comes about and we all get out our shiny red fingernails to point the finger at someone, we lose a broader message here. We have to start having a broader discussion rather than a narrow discussion as to why infidelity exists. And so many different variations of relationships. Rolling right along, this one goes out to the person who has been cheated on, their circle of friends. In this particular instance with Chloe Kardashian, the entire media who is taking up her side or just trying to dive into her business right now, do try to find all the information necessary. Do ask all the questions that you want to know. Do be as nosy and as brazen as necessary for you. Number one, you have to collect all the data to ensure that your sexual health wasn't compromised. And to know what steps you should take next to protect yourself. And number two, getting all the facts information possible will hopefully help you to make a logical decision. Now I say the word hopefully because we have to acknowledge the fact that people who are in love are addicted. And especially if you are in a serial cheating situation you're probably emotionally manipulated in some ways as well too. Leaving is extremely difficult. Making the rational decision is extremely difficult. So getting all the information possible may help you, but it also may be something that you store up for later down the line when you do have another instance perhaps. And just knowing the more that you know, the better you can take care of yourself and hopefully the better decision that you can make. Here's the do not. Do not contact the other women. Do not try to drag the other women. Do not expose the other women we're seeing right now in the media, all of the Instagrams of these girls and their personal information and where they're working. And I'm just like, okay. What does it have to do with anything? As someone who has been through a serial cheating relationship I must have caught, I don't even know how many people that with my partner who I was with for many, many years. And I had just been so blinded and manipulated and addicted that I had just lost all common sense. I'm not gonna make an excuse for myself. But nonetheless, at a certain point it was time for me to stop finding out who these women were, but I didn't. And looking back, there wasn't one single interesting piece of information that I gathered by contacting or investigating these other women. They were Y factors in this scenario. Y factors mean they were variables that were interchangeable. The X was always going to be there which is thankfully now my X. He was always gonna be that same person. He was always gonna act the same way. And whether it was the girl he met at Popeyes or the girl that he met at a subway station it didn't change the fact that he was going to be on the prowl and these were just individuals. Now here's the thing as well too we have to acknowledge. People are attracted to people who are in relationships. We know it's not a great thing, it's a taboo thing. There's a psychological reason for that. Number one, someone who is in a relationship has a very seductive quality about them and that is irreverence. It's nonchalance. When they walk into a room they don't have that pressure that they have to leave with someone because they know they have someone they're gonna go back to at the end of the night. So they're more free, they're more fluid, they're more themselves, they're likely to say things they wouldn't on normal say. They're not afraid of rejection. They're not afraid of being their self because there's no real risk if they in fact don't win over your attention or your affection. That quality is very seductive. So when someone who is with someone walks into a room they carry a confidence that everyone single or not definitely notices. Number two, someone who's in a relationship exhibits the qualities that we are looking for ultimately in a partner. Someone who is stable, who is loyal, who's able to commit to someone else. Someone who is in essence is either girlfriend material or boyfriend material. Even though clearly they aren't the best fit we rationalize and say well their partner probably is doing X, Y and Z wrong but this person is a good person because look at them. They're smiling, they're confident, they're charismatic. They're awesome. Clearly their other person is the problem. I could take this material and do something really great with it because they are fantastic and they are showing me all the things I'm looking for in a mate. So those are the reasons that this is going to happen over and over again and it doesn't matter what these people's faces are or their reasons are and it doesn't actually, who cares? Who really cares? Focus on the person that you are with, the person who betrayed you. Focus on their story, their reasoning and the rest can really just fade to black. This is a hard one but I must suggest this. Again for the person who has been cheated on when you are initially trying to deal with the pain and have that first conversation, that confrontation to say what the hell is going on, do not make it aggressive. As much as you possibly can, do not make it a conversation that is about your hurt, your pain or your anger because you don't end up giving the person opportunity to be honest. You want to make this conversation as inviting as possible because the heart of what you want to ask why did you do this to me or how could you do this to me? It's who are you? I had this idea of who you were. I created a relationship style around that information but now that life has happened we clearly see this isn't who you are. This isn't who you're capable of being. So I don't want to put any judgment on you. I don't want to put any pressure on you. I just want to ask this question and get a straight answer for once. Who are you and what are you capable of doing and not doing within a romantic partnership? Because that person may just not be cut out from anogamy. There's so much pressure that we get from society and from our individual relationship to try to conform but some people as we see over time just cannot do it. And it's better that those individuals actually have a chance to say you know what? Here's who I am. Is that who you want me to be? And if not, maybe we aren't meant to be together. So I know this is going to be tough to do but try and make that conversation inviting versus condemning. And my last piece of advice for anyone who is dealing with a serial cheater and the emotional fallout that comes as a result of that kind of betrayal, do be kind to yourself. Do give yourself empathy, space, love, respect. Do not try to blame yourself for this. You may really be tempted to do that because when you can take on some of the blame you can try to hope for a better future. If you can just say to yourself, well you know what, maybe if I just loved harder or I was more attentive or I sent more nude photos or whatever that person is saying the reason why they had to step out. If you get that little morsel in your mind that you could do something different you're gonna end up staying in a situation that ultimately probably won't change whether you are perfect or imperfect partner. The problem here isn't the fact that you did anything wrong. The problem is that person's form of problem solving is problematic. If their best way to cope with the fact that you aren't perfect is to put your health at risk and to put your reputation at risk, that's the issue enough. Whatever you did before that or after that actually doesn't really matter. It's kind of like when you get into an argument with someone, you can be all the way in the right. You could have all of the boxes checked but the second that you ball up your fist and cock it back and release, you're wrong. You are in the wrong and no one cares about your side of the story. And I think the same thing when it comes to someone who betrays the fundaments of a relationship of a agreed upon relationship, the second in that you step outside of the boundaries or two of you have drawn together, you are wrong and I don't care what happened inside the box. I'm concerned about that breach, that hole that you punched in the wall right there. So anyways, those are my dos and do nots for dealing with serial cheating in a relationship. I would love to hear from you guys right now as we have this moment to reflect and have a great discussion. Not anyone's expense, but maybe including that individual as well too. What are some of the dos and do nots that you would put that I left out when it comes to dealing with serial cheaters? I get it girl. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Oh yeah, I get it girl. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, yeah I get it girl. 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