 Ranger Bill, warrior of the woodland, struggling against extreme odds, traveling dangerous trails, showing rare courage in the face of disaster, in the air, on horseback, or in a screaming squad car. His mind alert, a ready smile, unswerving, loyal to his mission, and all this in exchange for the satisfaction and pride of a job well done. I was beginning to think that you'd forgotten, Stumpy. Forgotten? Not me. Next Monday you'll see me right out there with the rest of them. I've already started clearing space in my freezer for a couple of duck dinners. Well, something tells me you're not the only one, old timer. The first four days of the season are usually pretty busy days. Well, you know as well as I do that that's cause there ain't no limit to the number you can shoot on them first four days. The rest of the season we all gotta be satisfied only two a day. If I remember rightly, Stumpy, during the whole four no-limit days last year you only bagged five ducks. Well, it was a poor year for me. Uh-huh. But this year, as a matter of fact, Monday I started filling up a corner of the freezer with the tastiest dinners you ever expected each. I sure hope so. Good morning, Judge. Hello, Bill, Stumpy. Oh, good, Judge. And what do we owe the honor of this visit, Judge? Well, my laziness, I guess. I don't follow you. I'm just trying to put off going down to my office, Bill. This is a mighty busy time of the year. Oh, I get it. Hunting licenses, huh? Don't even say the words. Well, a lot of folks after a missed-time year, huh, Judge? This year. Oh, every year, Stumpy. And before the opening of every season. The same faces, the same questions. Well, I guess I'd better be getting on over to the courthouse. It's probably a line two blocks long already. All eager hunters with itchy trigger fingers. Just waiting for Monday to roll around so they can empty their docks. I hardly think they'll ever do that, Judge. You can say that again. Remember that duck that used to nest over on top of Musser's barn? That bird to come back for seven years in a row and hatched over a hundred ducklings while she was there. Why, if it weren't for these hunting seasons, we'd be up to here in feathers. You've cheered me up about giving out hunting licenses, Stumpy. That's probably why I stopped him. I'll stop in any time, Judge. So long. Well, sounds as though the woods will be full, come Monday. And for the next four days. Yeah. So it does. What's the matter, old dammer? A little worried about competition after those ducks? I was just thinking about that old expression. Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door. I got a feeling I could use a better duck catcher come Monday. Stumpy, Stumpy Jenkins. Yes. Oh, howdy, Judge. You give up already? No, no, this is just lunchtime. Yeah, this for me, too. Will you join me? Yeah, I'd like that. I was thinking that I should let you in on the big news, anyway. Big news? No, I was only kidding when I called it that. If it's so often a fellow comes into Notty Pine and applies for a license to sell something or other, according to our laws, I have to give him a license unless he's proved to be a fraud or something. What's all this leading up to, Judge? Just that a fellow was in the courthouse this morning to get two licenses. One to hunt like everybody else and one to sell a new scientific duck call. That's all. I had to give him a license, but I warned him about the penalties for putting one over on folks. How does this, uh, duck call work? You got me. I didn't hear a thing when he blew it, but he explained it was supersonic, at least wise to the human ear, like those dog whistles you see. You said this was geared to set up some sort of, uh, pleasure reaction in what he called the midline part of the brain of ducks. Or something. I got a little lost in what he was saying. Scientifically figured out, huh? Not the usual hunkin' noise like somebody blowin' the nose. Well, like I said, Stumpy, when he blew it, I didn't hear a thing. And for that matter, it didn't set up any pleasure reaction in any part of my brain. Except maybe I felt like laughing when I tried to imagine him selling them duck calls. And, uh, you did feel a kind, uh, pleasure, huh? Oh, say, what is this? You don't think that fellow's on the level, do you? It's hard to keep up with all the new scientific advances, George. You, uh, don't happen to remember where this fellow is staying, do you? Here, let me show you on this chart, Mr. Jenkins. Well, I'd appreciate it. Now, here you see a cross-section of a duck's head. The important areas have been colored. Now, when this new scientific duck call is blown, the high-frequency vibrations first agitate the external auditory meters, which in turn operates the auditory acicle and the sensory impulses are so designed by the new scientific duck call as to focus on only one area of the brain, that of the midline area. Uh, any questions, Mr. Jenkins? No, just, uh, does it work? Well, I thought I made that rather clear. A new scientific duck call doesn't rely on chance, Mr. Jenkins, if, for any reason, congenital or otherwise, the duck should be in some manner auditorily impaired, the conventional duck call doesn't stand a chance. However, the new scientific duck call emits frequencies so designed as to be received by not only auditory receptors, but by virtually any somatic tissue located near the occipital condyle. Though, you see, the new scientific duck call takes the guesswork, the chance out of attracting ducks. Of course, it doesn't improve your aim, but... I'll worry about that. How much are you selling these things for? Well, that depends on when you buy, Mr. Jenkins. I don't follow you. Well, simply, this is it. If you buy right now, I'm letting them go at the laughably low price of $5 each. Now, this is almost what they cost me. But I'm willing to sell the new scientific duck call at this low price to those who have enough, shall we say, faith in the integrity of this call? Now, next Monday, when I end, and those who, like myself, go hunting with these calls, come back laden with ducks, obviously the sales will skyrocket. But then there won't be this matter of faith, will there? And, Mr. Jenkins, then there won't be this low, low price. No, beginning Monday, I'm selling the new scientific duck call at $13 each. The unlucky number for those who are unlucky enough to wait until then to buy. Right now, $5 guarantees you season after season of full freezers, Mr. Jenkins. Well, it's up to you and your faith. Well, that's the man right over there, Mel. I'm a little surprised to see him in church. Yeah, so am I. Maybe he is on the up and up. I don't know. Well, starting tomorrow, we'll see about those claims of his. Has he sold many of his calls? Well, I've heard a few people mention that they bought them. Looks like Stumpy knows them the way they're talking together. Stumpy hasn't mentioned him to me at all. Maybe just being friendly. After all, whatever that fellow is, he's a visitor to our church. That's true. Maybe we ought to go over there and talk with him ourselves. Say, it looks like he's leaving. Here comes Stumpy. I hope Stumpy didn't allow himself to be sold one of those duck calls. Seemed almost interested the other day when I mentioned that fellow to him. I don't know. It's a pretty broad smile on his face. Am I ready to go, old timer? Yep. Good morning, Judge. You're looking mighty chipper this morning, Stumpy. That fellow selling you one of his bird calls. Oh, you mean just now? No, he was just exchanging the time of day. He seems like a nice enough fellow. He certainly derives what he has to say and do a lot of fancy words. I've been through law school and I had trouble keeping up with him. That ain't no reason to suspect him, is it? Lots of folks let their education stick out a little farther than in order. Most of them settle down to become real people when they realize what it looks like. He's got lots of time. You'd make a good defense lawyer here, Stumpy. But tomorrow all the talk for and against goes out the window. Tomorrow when the shotguns start roaring we'll see if this fellow's new and the scientific duck call is what it says it is. Hello, Judge, what's all the excitement about? Oh, afternoon, Bill. Well, looks as though I was wrong and no one is more surprised about it than I am. Wrong about what? You see that fellow talking to the crowd, Bill? Oh, yes, the duck call seller. Well, he came back to town at noon, mind you, with seven ducks. Seven? Only being out one morning, I'd say. Claims his new scientific duck call did the trick. I guess I don't have to tell you how his sales are going. Let's move a little closer, Judge. Anyone who claims his gadget can lure enough ducks to shoot seven deserves to be heard. You ain't thinking of buying one of those calls, are you? No, I just want to listen. Finally, I'm beginning to get a little suspicious. Seven ducks is a lot for one man and one morning. Let's join that crowd. I know some of you are thinking seven ducks is a little too lucky for one morning's work. Well, don't take my word. Look at my morning's catch. I asked a few others here in Naughty Pine who've been using the new scientific duck call today if it really works. Or if you're sold, I'll pause right here to accept your money and make you the big hunter for this and many more seasons. Not cakes, I will. He's taken in $13 a piece for those things. I'm not sure I like this, Judge. I'll be interested in seeing what some of the others who have bought these calls think of them. Excuse me, folks, but I see a distinguished guest here in the crowd. The chief ranger hereabouts, as I understand, you all know him as Ranger Bill Jefferson. You haven't by any chance come to purchase one of these new scientific duck calls, have you, Ranger? I'm afraid not. Well, you wouldn't be the first ranger to see the virtues of this call, you know. Your fellow ranger, Stumpy Jenkins, is out in the woods right now aided by this hunter's friend. Stumpy Jenkins? Bill, I didn't know Stumpy'd bought one of those things. Neither did I, Judge. He didn't mention it to me. He probably didn't want to tell you in case it turned out to be a hole. I suppose so. Well, at any rate, we'll know firsthand whether those calls are really as good as he says they are. I'll be very anxious to talk to Stumpy when he gets back. Sounds as though the mighty hunter has had a good day. Sonny, if you was to go and peep into that freeze here at home, you wouldn't find one. You wouldn't find two. You'd find three delicious future duck dinners just keeping cool till they're called for. Three? Not bad for the first day out. Not bad? Last year at this time had only one. That was only because there were so many hunters around. The thing was confused. Didn't know which way to fly. Well, it looks like you'll make up for it this year with three the first day. I think it's time I told you something. Uh-huh. It's about my getting them three ducks today. You think that new scientific duck call was responsible? Well, I'm almost positive. You should know better than to try to keep a secret from me, old timer. Like trying to keep a secret from yourself. You think that gadget was responsible for bringing the ducks nearer? I get three, didn't I? Only had one by this time last year. But if I remember correctly, the year before last you came in with four. That was without a duck call. Oh, you can't count that. That was just a good year. I don't know, Stumpy. You think that fella's pulling the fast one, don't you, Bill? I'm not convinced one way or the other, Stumpy. But I think I'll keep an eye on Mr. Gillette all the same. Well, he's done it again, Bill. Only out shooting during the morning and back by noon with eight ducks this time. I don't like the looks of this judge. He's just too good a hunter. They say nothing of a salesmanship. Looked to me like everybody naughty pine was up the street buying one of them calls. Well, I think I better do some checking before Mr. Gillette gets rich enough to think about leaving town. Of course, I never really pay attention to who comes and goes, Ranger Bill, but just happens that I have noticed a little about Mr. Gillette. Is there any sort of trouble? No, this is just routine. What have you noticed about his coming and going from the hotel here? Well, only that he never seems to sleep. That's all. What do you mean? Well, he goes out late in the evening just before sunset. Comes back even later. Many times have turned in. And the next morning he's out and gone before dawn. A man like that's going to lose his health sooner and most if he keeps that kind of schedule for long. Late in the evening and then very early in the next morning. You got something on him? Oh, no, I'm afraid not. But thank you for your time. Thanks very much. There he goes right on schedule. Now, Mr. Gillette, how about showing me your secret of duck hunting, huh? It's what I think it is. You're walking straight into trouble. What's he doing out there in that boat? Can't quite make it out. Looks like he's putting things in the water. A lot of them strung together by rope or something. Maybe I can edge a little closer to the lake. Some of his equipment is still on the shore. I can only crawl down and take a look before he rolls into shore. It's a good thing it's so dark out. All you can see is what his flashlight picks up out there in the lake. Now, let's see what these boxes are here. Scarcely make them out. What? Dynamite? There are charges of dynamite in these boxes. Now, let me see. Looks like small, separately wrapped packages of dynamite. He's out there placing these packages in the water. It's strung together with wire, not rope. Of course. So that's his game. Pretty smooth. I'd better be sure, though. I'll just wait in the bushes until he leaves, then roll out on the lake and have a look for myself. Be a good distance away by now. Feels good to stand up again. Now, let's see. He left the boat over there. I'll just roll out and be sure of what he's doing. Every once in a while, you're running to a smart one. Mr. Ranger Bill, it looks like you're going to be my troublemaker. What am I going to do with you? You are out there in the lake inspecting my handiwork. Getting all the evidence you need to throw me in jail. I'm going to have to get you out of my way somehow. At least for a little while. How? I can't just go back to town and pack and dash away? You would be back before I have time to leave. Wait a minute. It works on ducks? Why not on rangers? Sure. You're going to go to sleep for a little while, big chief ranger. And by the time you wake up and get back to town, I'll be far away. Are you ready? Just let me touch this wire to this pole in the battery and... Yeah, that ought to do it. Hey, where's the boat? That's not what was supposed to happen. He must have been right over a charge of dynamite. It was only supposed to stun him. Why doesn't he come up? Oh, no. I'd better get out of here and fast. Morning, Stumpy. Oh, howdy, George. I thought you'd be out hunting with the others this morning, Stumpy. What's the matter? Two strenuous for you three days in a row? Why, you old Ben-sitter, stop judging others by yourself. It ain't a bit too strenuous for an old bear like me. Then why aren't you out there after the dogs? Well, even you must know it's because I wanted to try to see Mr. Gillette before I went away. Don't tell me you're going to buy another one of those poles. You think you can do twice as good with the two of them? Well, I just wanted to find out what it is I'm doing wrong with this thing. It worked fine the first day, but yesterday it wasn't much help. Oh, that's old. No, it ain't the cause, Fault. It must be something I'm doing wrong. I'm sure. Mind if I come along? I'd like to hear what he tells you. Don't mind a bit. Come on, he's staying across the street, that hotel. I'm surprised Bill didn't come along with you. I haven't seen hiding here Bill since yesterday afternoon. Well, I know he's bought one of them duck calls and is out hunting this morning himself. Well, here we are after you, Judge. Fine my morning. But these folks don't live in the hotel. Wonder what's going on? Mr. Gillette's going to sell duck calls again. I thought he only sold them the afternoon. I'm only telling you what I heard. I don't know. Well, step over and find out what's going on. You never mind, Stumpy. There's that Gillette fellow there now. It's like he's going to speak. Well, friends, I can't tell you how sorry I am that I have to be leaving Naughty Pine. I've received friends up here that has never been equal in any town I've been in, and I hope to lingered many more days just to enjoy your warm friendship. Well, you've done us a good turn too, Mr. Gillette. Well, I'm glad you feel that way. I really am. There are a couple of things I wanted to say before I left. I'll try to say them now. First, about the calls themselves. Now, I know some of you have been having a little difficulty with them. Well, it's all a matter of adjustment. Two sections of tubing slide within themselves, and you can set the frequency by adjusting these tubes. I hope to stay a few more days and help you with these details, but I must go. You see, Judge, that's what I came to find out. I wonder why he's running off like this. Some of you were probably thinking that my sudden departure looks like I'm running out. Well, late yesterday afternoon, I received an important call from the United States government asking me to come up to Seattle, Washington, and bring my scientific duck calls along. As you know, the government catches ducks, puts bands in their legs to study migrational habits. This new scientific duck call seems to be just the thing they need. And folks, after all, who am I to keep the government waiting? And so, my friends, I'm afraid I must go. I'd really like to stay, but, well, all my luggage, other than this one small suitcases, at the station, and I must join it. That's exactly right, Mr. Gillette. What? You? Your luggage is at the station, the police station, and you're absolutely right when you say that you must join it. It's all right, friends. It's all right. There's just some little mistake here. That's right, Mr. Gillette. That little mistake was made by all of us. You included. Things are not what they seem on the surface, are they, Mr. Gillette? Whether it's a smooth-surfaced confidence man or a smooth-surface lake, it's what's beneath the surface that really counts. From head to foot. Yeah, so were a lot of people, Stumpy. You put on a good front. Well, one thing I still don't quite understand, Bill. How old was he getting all those ducks? Well, you see, Judge, about the only time ducks actually settled down for sleep are between the hours of approximately midnight to 4 a.m. They travel mostly after sundown until midnight and after four till about dawn. Then they spend the day looking for food. Yeah, that's pretty much when the hunters go after them. Right. Now, Mr. Gillette was sneaking out to nearby lakes and planting small charges of dynamite on the lakes. He was blowing up them critters? Not exactly, Stumpy. That would have been too obvious and the way it would have made the birds look. No, Gillette used an old stunt employed sometimes by a man who wanted to catch fish live for aquariums. When the small charges of dynamite are set off at the same time, they produce a powerful vibration shock in the water and whatever is in the water is stunned by it. Hmm, I see. So all he did then was to creep back there when the ducks were asleep and set off the charges. Right. His detonator was far enough from the lake not to disturb the birds and when he was done he had plenty of unconscious ducks to shoot at his leisure. He tried to do that to you when you were on to him, didn't he, Bill? That's right, Stumpy. But I don't think he meant to sink me out there. Actually, I took the opportunity to swim a good ways under water and come up where I wouldn't be seen. As long as he thought he was safe, it gave me a good chance to get everything ready for him at police headquarters. That was pretty good, Bill. What you said to him about judges on the surface. He's a good warning to us all, Judge. We can fool people on a large scale, like he did, or on a small scale like when we want our own way or don't want to be caught or something. We can go as far as he did and go to church or do anything that looks good on the surface. The one fact that the Bible comes back to again and again is God looks on the inward man. All our lies, all our pretending to be something we're not, doesn't fool him. Well, see you next week for more adventure with... Ranger! Ranger Bill is produced in the radio studios of the Moody Bible Institute in Chicago.