 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of Jonathan Asley.com I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic the sad truth why some men act wishy-washy And I don't know is that what wishy-washy looks like Really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button hit the bell So you can be notified of new videos and if at any time during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button. Lastly, these are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called midlife love mastery Midlife love mastery is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis And if you join the group, I post if you post a question in the group I shoot a personalized video just for you most of the time anyway, okay Let's talk about why some men act wishy-washy. Okay, so let's think about what wishy-washy is Wishy-washy is basically uncertainty. There is some level of uncertainty going on in a man's life Whether it's that he has uncertainty in his life himself or uncertainty with the person that he's dating Now what's interesting and this came up in my private group this morning this idea that men will move Mountains for the woman that they love, you know, we are just going to climb to the tallest You know the highest room in the tallest tower for the women we love, right? Well, let's think about this for a second. You've just met a guy, you know Five days ago. Is he supposed to move mountains for someone? You just met five days ago or 15 days ago or 20 days ago I want most of you to think about this because the reality is is these days were meeting total strangers And what that means is it takes roughly a hundred hours of Face-to-face time to build the first layer of trust with another human being This is true for men and women alike So this narrative that I hear that men are wishy-washy because maybe that they're selfish or they're Narcissist or they're you know, they're you know, it's all about themselves You know, I want you to think about this for a second because and I'm going to share with you in a moment the deeper causes of what causes some men to act wishy-washy is That this expectation is so grand It takes time to get to know another human being and the only reason why this narrative is so progressed is because men Will yes, I want to say something men will chase sex men will chase sex I mean we will men will fly from Los Angeles to New York to get laid You know, I mean men will do things like that But that doesn't mean that they're in love with you take it takes time to build true love with someone To want to move mountains for them. So this narrative is is going to set you up for failure. So The reason why I'm shooting this video today because I'm reflecting upon my own Wishy-washiness in my life right now. I want to be candid with you all I'm feeling rather wishy-washy as I'm getting close to Father's Day, and I'm getting close to the anniversary of Connor's passing in my own birthday I find myself in a state of melancholy. I find myself in a state of fear I find myself in a state of uncertainty and from a dating perspective when someone and I'm using me as the example in this Narrative and by the way, if you're not familiar The reason why I'm feeling all this way is because I lost my 19 year old son Connor in the summer of 2018 and while it's been three years and I've worked very hard to To grieve with love it still weighs heavy on me on a personal level And I'm just thinking I'm one person of the millions and millions and billions of people out there That are suffering on the inside in some way shape or form based on a past trauma Maybe in their childhood. Maybe it's an adult trauma. Maybe it's they lost their job Maybe they're going they've gone through a very Tremulchuous tenuous divorce. Maybe there's health issues going on in a person's life Maybe they have elderly parents that they had traumas with that are going through, you know The transition in their own life and they're dealing with their stuff just like you're dealing with your stuff and when we're Trying to navigate our feelings and our wounds and our fears and our hurts it can make the ground underneath us feel very unstable and I can say this because that's how it feels for myself and So my behavior one minute could be it's very excited to talk to a woman and the next minute I could be an absolute melancholy Now in my case, it's because of grief But we all have some level something within us that can bring us down So understand that the sometimes it's not because someone is selfish. It's not because they're a player It's not because they're a bad person is because they're going through some pain in their life And no matter what I mean, and by the way those of you know who know me. I've written a book about Healing emotional trauma not healing emotional traumas, but healing on oneself I wrote a book called what the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? By the way, there's a link below By the way, there's a link to join my group midlife love mastery as well Why I'm sharing this with you is because I want to encourage everyone to instead of judging someone else's behavior as being bad This wishy-washy-ness. How about understanding that maybe something might be going on in this person's life that makes it very difficult for them to open up to love and By the way, this is true for women as well. This is not singular to men This is what we're dealing with as a species of understanding human behavior is that Feelings can be very fluid. They not feelings aren't facts. We can feel We can feel real attraction for someone one moment and absolute fear the next moment And when we're in fear, we don't want to progress something forward because we don't feel like like I said before the ground underneath us feels safe This is why I'm such a big proponent of Doing the work the personal development the self-help and spiritual work and and I'm sharing with you for everybody I do it on a daily basis and it still can bring me down It can still bring me down and So what's most important in each of our lives is not to judge someone else's behavior But to love on ourselves And to love others. That's my invitation. What does my t-shirt say the self-love club? What does my mug say? Love yourself. This was a gift from One of my members To love on yourself and to love humanity because the narrative of making men out to be bad is Only going to progress more and more pain in everybody's life I want to encourage men and women alike to start treating the opposite sex with a sense of What's the word I'm looking for a sense of God I'm really tongue-tied right now I think you well Why don't someone come up with what I'm really trying to say here because even my I'm getting choked up myself in This in this conversation because I want everybody to recognize that most men are good guys Most men are good human beings. They might be bad at dating. They might be bad at their emotional maturity They might be struggling on the inside to express themselves, but it doesn't this is just a human thing And instead of judging men as being bad and men judging women as being bad How about we just have a lot of compassion for one another and less judgment and blame for one another? Because when a man acts wishy-washy We oftentimes take it so personally and we we then might look inward and say what's wrong with me When it could simply be that that person is feeling some sort of angst and fear and by the way There's nothing you can do about that you could care deeply for somebody But you still there might be nothing you can do about the pain that they're feeling in their in their life right now Did you know the number one emotional health issue for everybody most everybody is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable. I'm not likable Imagine the weight of that and I know I feel it even for myself as Confident as many of you think I am I still struggle With that because of my little kid that was picked on as a child my little kid that was treated poorly by my By the kids in the street and I was bullied and all that stuff and many of you have Experienced the same thing or we've experienced adult bullying and things like that and that can wear on us emotionally By the way, I'm rambling right now. I think this is what's gonna starting to be the norm of my weekend videos I'm rambling and I just want to say to you I want to invite everybody Invite everybody to look at human beings not from a place of judgment not from a place of comparison From a place of compassion and sometimes even good people do hurtful things But that doesn't mean that they're bad people and if we can shift the narrative from bad to a Understanding when you can understand human behavior you can predict what's gonna happen next and then you can make better choices for yourself Do you want to make better choices for yourself? I hope you do and my hope is that we can let go of this narrative that men are bad Because they might the sad truth for a lot of people is that they're hurting on the inside? And I can say to you from personal experience and believe me. I'm going through at this moment right at this moment I'm going through deep melancholy And yet I want connection with another human being I want companionship I want emotional intimacy and physical intimacy and I'm budding up against my own stuff And I'm saying this is what a lot of people and I'm actually aware of it. I would the other piece I want you to be here. I want you to think about this I'm aware of this most aren't even aware of what's going on on the inside And so their behavior is very confusing to them themselves So just recognize and I want you to look at yourself and say have I acted this way as well? Have I acted wishy-washy because of fears and traumas and if you said no, you're full of shit Oops, I didn't want to curse on this video But you are because human beings act this way all the time men and women alike So what's the antidote to this besides self-love? Loving yourself the self-love club is to have love for self and love for humanity Because when we come from a place of love we have a greater chance of feeling inner peace and Compassion for those around us inner peace for ourselves and compassion for those around us Is this sinking in is this resonating am I just babbling here because that's what it feels like All right, I think I got my point across I'd like to hear your thoughts Please post a comment below if you have any questions, please post a comment below as always if you find value in my videos Please share this with your friends. Please hit that like button And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic job to bear a hug of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna actually get to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now