 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, the three types of relationships most men choose. It's three types of relationships most men choose. Really quickly before we get started, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button and click the bell so you can be notified of new content. I shoot about four videos a week. Okay, our topic, those three types of relationships most men choose. Okay, let me tell you where this video was birthed from. Actually, this is a picture of my mom and dad when they got married. Back in the 1950s, early 50s, actually 49 or 50. I mean, that was a long time ago. That's actually a picture of them before my mom passed away. They were married almost 66 years. So I've certainly, I've been witness to a long-term committed relationship. One that went the distance. But it got me thinking about what my mother's generation went through and my mother and father's generation versus today. Because when my mother met my father, she met him at a debutante ball. My father was a commander of a PT boat back in World War II. And if you're not familiar with John F. Kennedy, he was a commander of a PT boat. My father went on to command a lieutenant commander of a destroyer, which is a big gigantic ship of hundreds of men. And my father was lieutenant commander. My mother was a debutante. They met at a debutante ball. And in her life, she only had one man. That's not two. One man in her life. That was it. She didn't date. She didn't, you know, there was no internet. There was no ghosting. There was no pulling away. There was no leaning back. I mean, in her time, it was none of that stuff. We are in a whole different ballgame today. My mother is probably, I shouldn't say laughing in her grave kind of thing, but I mean, she wouldn't have any clue how to navigate today. I mean, we didn't have smartphones and internet and swipe dating and, you know, online dating and social media and all these things. So it's a whole mess out there. And this is one of the challenges because her generation, it was really simple. If you wanted to get laid, you had to get married. I mean, it's as simple as that. If you wanted to get laid, you had to get married. I mean, most people in my mother's generation, virgins, virgins and literally the courtship process took about what, two months? You know, for most people? I mean, this is a generalization. I mean, there's not an absolute here, but for the most part, for people who are living in the 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s, it was that way. Now it's a whole different ballgame because now you don't have to get married to have sex. You don't have to worry about sex getting pregnant because of birth control. So we have a variety of different type of relationships that are being chosen today. So I'm just going to lean into three of them really quickly for you just to be prepared. Now, number one is what I call friends with benefits, but you don't know about it. Friends with benefits, you don't know about it. These are the relationships where a lot of women give their absolute power to a man. In other words, there's an old expression. The person who cares the least in the relationship has all the power. The person who cares the least. And sadly, a lot of women completely give their power away to a man. What I mean to say is you've created your whole happiness based on all of his decision making. So he gets to decide everything with respect to your life. And a lot of times these relationships where you've given your power away to a man, you're in what I call friends with benefits, but you don't know about it. What I mean to say is you're getting regular sex with someone, you're spending some casual time together, but it hasn't, it's not going anywhere because you've given your power away and men don't respect women who have given their power away to another human being. And by the way, ladies, think about it. Do you really respect a man who gives you his power where he's needy and constantly needing validation from you? You don't respect that guy, so why would a man respect that woman? That's why I call it friends with benefits, but you just don't know about it. Now the second relationship are casual relationships. And quite frankly, it's not even casual. They're what Esther Perrell in her book called Mating and Captivity. And she didn't, I don't think she mentions it so much in her book, but in her work. She calls it stable ambiguity. Stable ambiguity. What it means is two people, it's one person actually is putting in the bare minimum into the relationship because it's better to get some connection, some companionship and some sex than being alone. It's better to get some connection, some companionship, some sex than being alone. So they put the bare minimum effort into the relationship. And what I mean by effort, I'm talking about emotional effort. I'm talking about frequent communication. It's about, it also includes spending regular time together doing shared activities and hobbies and mutual interest in spending time with family and friends. And deeper intimacy where you can be vulnerable with another human being. Most people today, the vast majority of the population is choosing stable ambiguity or casual relationships because they're incapable of building the roots to deeper intimacy. They're incapable of building the, or they're, let me backtrack. They're barely capable of building the roots for deeper intimacy because most likely they have unresolved childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that haven't been addressed. And I can tell you ladies, if you watch my video on the five questions to ask a man, I go into deeper discussion on the importance of asking really good questions to determine if he's capable of leaning into intimacy. Leaning in, not leaning back, leaning into intimacy. And sadly, people that lean back, it's because they're incapable of intimacy. But the highly coveted relationship is the final relationship that I'm going to talk about today. It's the one my parents had. It's what the, you know, that 10% are striving for. And I say 10% because the vast majority of people aren't living the kind of relationship that I'm talking about. And that's the all in. They're all in. They're in. They're ready to go into partnership. And the type of men that choose these relationships are what I call emotionally mature men. Emotionally mature men. And if you haven't watched my video on the five signs, everything is a five. The five signs of emotional maturity. You haven't listened to my podcast, the What Would Love Do podcast. Please go to my, go to Apple podcast. Check out my podcast called The Five Signs of Emotional Maturity because these are the men that are capable of going all the way. They're capable of going all the distance. This is one of the reasons why I love the book, Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukov. Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zukov. Because this is about going deeper into that soul space of what it takes to be in partnership both within yourself and with another human being. Wait a minute. To be in partnership with self and another human being. That's really being able to dive deeper into this glorious, delicious thing we call partnership. And that's my invitation for everyone. And how you're going to get there? First off, learn what it is. Read the books I keep talking about. I mean all my videos I'm talking about great books because this is an inexpensive way. Now, one of the things about books I get it, it's hard to actually get specific information. That's why schedule a discovery call with me because I can help you navigate this. I can help you prepare. I can teach you how to vet for men. Vet. V-E-T. How to determine which guys are in that high quality emotional mature. Or are they in the friends with benefits category? The men that are just seeking to have all the power. Recognizing that most men are in that casual space but they have the capacity to go deeper. And they might just need a guide along the way. And I can certainly help you be that inspiration. And I certainly have to do that on a one-on-one basis to help you get there. So check out the link for that. But I think you get to just where I'm going here. These friends with benefits but you just don't know about it. The casual relationships or stable ambiguity most of you're in. Or that high quality relationship where both of you love each other. And if you haven't checked out my book What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. Check it out because this is all. And get a copy for the guy you're dating. Get a copy for him because when he's loving on himself he's capable of going the distance with you as well. And that's my invitation for you. I said a mouthful there. All right I want to hear your thoughts. Do you have a comment about this? Do you have a question? Please post it below. Here's the thing. If you have a question I do my best to read every single one. So please ask questions. I will try to even respond if I can. So post it below. And as always if you find value here please tell your friends about my youtube channel or subscribe to my youtube channel as well. All right I'm going to sign off this video as I always do. First off giving myself a big gigantic job. Then bear a hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the screen and give you a hug of love. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a fabulous day. Bye bye now.