 the reason why the narcissist comes back the reason why the narcissist returns to you the narcissist was devaluing you they underestimated your worth and importance they made you feel like you weren't good enough they may have called you crazy they may have called you a psychopath they try to make you feel like there was something wrong with you as though you were lying to them as though you were trying to gaslight them as though what you were doing wasn't right if you weren't aware of this information at the time you may have believed them you may have believed that what they were saying about you was true many victims of narcissistic abuse are convinced into believing that there is something wrong with them or that they are the narcissist but if you were already aware of this information you will have known that they were just projecting projection is a defense mechanism where the narcissist ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or qualities by denying their existence in themselves and attributing them to you and that is why they may often accuse you of doing things that they are doing they may randomly come out and say something about you which may be a perfect description of what they are doing because in that brief window they have identified what they were doing they were aware that what they were doing was wrong but they didn't want to own it narcissists are shame based individuals doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame but that doesn't mean that aren't going to be brief moments where they do realize what they are doing if they weren't fully aware of what they're doing they wouldn't feel any need to project their qualities on to you they call you a liar because they know that in that moment they are lying they call you a psychopath because in that moment they feel like that's what they are but they don't want to own it they don't want to take accountability for their actions the narcissist is always going to choose their false self over accountability they are always going to choose their false self over their source of supply it's essential for their emotional survival it's essential for the existence of their false self so they have no choice but to throw you under the bus they have no choice but to criticize blame or punish you even if you are in a vulnerable position so that they can avoid blame or gain an advantage over you narcissists don't care about the truth they don't care about what is right or wrong they have no moral compass they only care about what's easiest for them and most often they will leave you knowing that you are not to blame knowing that they were responsible for everything that happened and that is why it's so easy for them to come back to you when they come back they won't have any need for closure or validation because they already know that they were at fault you will be the one who is seeking closure from them because you were the real victim you were the one who didn't know what was going on but if you ever try to discuss anything they did to you they will always find a way to blame you they will always have a justification for the abuse or they may just deny that it ever happened they may just get you to focus on your reaction therapy so that they can dodge the shame that they would otherwise feel for what they have done after the narcissist left you it's likely they found someone else it's likely that they found a new source of supply and while everything may have been okay in the beginning it's only a matter of time until the narcissist began to devalue this new source of supply now even they were not good enough for the narcissist and this is when the narcissist may start to re-idealize you but this is not because they miss you this is not because they care about you they always see the grass as being greener on the other side they always see other people's situations as being more attractive than their own the narcissist is looking for convenience they are looking to be able to proceed without with something without difficulty they are looking for comfort ease enjoyment and satisfaction they want to experience an easy and effortless way of life often at someone else's expense and that is why they left you because it was no longer convenient for them it became more trouble than it was worth it was not important useful or beneficial enough to justify the effort or difficulty that it required and they saw a better situation elsewhere maybe you could no longer provide them with what they were looking for narcissists often want to live an extravagant lifestyle they want to live a life where they can lack restraint and spend money or using resources where they can spend more than what is necessary or wise they need to indulge in constant entertainment they need to be provided with constant amusement and enjoyment they have a strong sense of entitlement but they don't want to take responsibility for anything they don't want to do the work so it's often like dealing with a big baby someone who needs to be constantly burped and fed someone who becomes your responsibility and concern someone you were constantly anxious and worried about someone who is very immature and someone who wants you to deal with the consequences of their actions it's just like dealing with a small child who can't get their way when you don't do what they want they run off to the other parent because they think it's going to be more convenient for them but when that parent realizes what the child is trying to do they go back to the other parent and it's not because they love one parent more than the other they're just going wherever they think is going to be more convenient for them and it's the same thing with a narcissist all they care about is convenience they want to be able to proceed without difficulty they want to get their way often at your expense and they really don't care how you or anyone else feels about it which is why whenever there's a narcissist you will often see a group of people running circles around them trying to make sure they're okay trying to cater to their every demand because narcissists need convenience they need comfort ease enjoyment and satisfaction and it's always at the expense of those around them while everyone else becomes their workhorse everyone else has to work around them everyone else has to find a way to overcome or avoid their difficulties or problems it's never enough for the narcissist no matter what you do they will never be happy they will always want more they will always be something wrong because everything has to be done their way they always have to get what they want and it's often going to be at your expense but when you figure this out when you realize the game that is when they will leave you to deal with their problems they will leave you to pick up the bill and that is when they will go wherever is most convenient for them just so they can do the same thing all over again to someone else luring them in with false displays of fairness and equality only to try and take everything away from them while making them believe that nothing they do is good enough the narcissist is a bucket that can never be filled they can never be satisfied with anything you do for them no matter what you do they will always have something to complain about they will always make you doubt your integrity they will always make you doubt your qualities and abilities but you need to remember the work you put in to be the person you are today you need to remember everything you did for them and you need to remember how they treated you how they always lacked appreciation for you how they made you feel like nothing you did was good enough how they made you feel like you were to blame for everything the narcissist isn't coming back because they care about you they're not coming back to resolve anything they're just coming back because it's convenient it has nothing to do with you as a person they never even took the time to get to know you all they know is things that can be used against you things that they can use to make it look like they're not the problem the narcissist doesn't care about anyone but themselves they will only act like they care when they are getting what they want from you when they know they've got you under their thumb everything has to be catered to them everything has to be convenient but when you have your own ideas or preferences it becomes a problem because then it's no longer convenient for the narcissist the narcissist doesn't want a relationship they just want convenience at your expense thank you for watching I hope this video isn't with you please like comment share and subscribe if you would like to donate my PayPal link is in the video description coach the inquiries you can email me at coaching at NARC survivor Dakota UK thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon