 Amen. So we're continuing our defining direction series with our second sermon in that series tonight. So this series is about defining direction for your children. But let me give you a little bit of just kind of an explanation of the series a little bit in my thoughts on the series. First of all, it doesn't just apply to you if you have children. I mean, the Bible applies to everybody. So everybody can take application from the sermons. But the main, you know, we talked about in the first sermon, this is going to be a three-part series. We talked about, you know, defining common sense for your children. It's not something that's a given that they're just going to know the Bible and how to apply the Bible to their life. And in real life situations, that's something that needs to be taught. They need to see it demonstrated throughout their life in order for them to be able to apply it themselves. The second sermon tonight is going to be on defining character for your children and defining character. And then the third sermon will be a very specific sermon. So the first and third sermons are going to be very specific sermons. The second sermon, there is 20 different character traits that we can talk about as far as character traits that your children need to have. So what I'm going to do is we're going to preach a specific sermon on a character trait this evening. And then what we're going to do is that will be a random sermon series that pops up every now and then. Just defining direction character will just pop up kind of like random characters in the Bible. So I reserve the right to revisit this for the next several years. So there was no way I could just choose. I mean I can't preach on character in one sermon. It's impossible. So we're going to talk about a specific character trait this evening. And then we will talk about this. This will become another random. I'm trying to keep things exciting. I mean it's got to be boring listening to the same person over and over and over again. So I'm trying to keep things exciting. So this will be another random sermon series that pops up. But for now we're going to do a three part series. And we're going to talk about a specific character trait that I'll get to in a minute. But first of all, as we look at this second sermon in the series of defining character for your children. Look, the whole premise is this. You are going to define everything for your kids. And it's not something that we're supposed to do. Let other people handle like the world is doing. We're not supposed to put them in daycare in public school. Basically you're just pointing off that responsibility to others. And other people this world are going to define the direction for your children. And that's not what the Bible says that we are supposed to do. We are supposed to define that direction for them. So when we talk about character and defining your children's character. Because look, if you think about what made you what you are today. Your parents whether you like it or not. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing had a heavy hand in that influence. So what is character? What is this thing that we're talking about? The definition from the dictionary is this. The mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual. Now character is, so it's basically the moral makeup of a person. Their mental makeup. The scary thing about character. And you'll see this as you get older. You'll see this demonstrated again and again and again. But the scary thing about character is that by the time you reach adulthood. By the time your children get to be 20, 25, 30 years old. And they become mature adults. This is something that is very difficult to change. So it's very important that it is gotten right. That it gets right according to the Bible up front. Now even secular studies will show this. Let me read you a quote. It was in 1890 that the theory was first brought to public attention. This is the theory that character traits are set as you reach a certain age. It was 1890 that the theory was brought to public attention with Harvard psychologist William James's text, The Principles of Psychology. In most of us by the age of 30, the character has set like plaster and will never soften again. That's a secular psychologist that writes that. So he's saying and studies have shown that character, your moral traits, the things that make up your moral, mental person are set in stone by the time you are 30. Turn to Romans chapter 6. Now the Bible of course disagrees with this. The Bible does say that you are able to change. Thank God for that. Look at Romans chapter 6 in verse number 17. We know we studied Romans chapter 6 and we talked about this extensively but this is somewhere where psychology, secular psychology and the Bible do differ. They part ways. However, let me just explain it. Look at Romans 6 in verse number 17. The Bible says, but God be thanked. I find it interesting that he says it that way. God be thanked because here he's saying that he's going to explain something that goes against maybe what most people think. He's like, so God be thanked that it's this way is what he's saying. He says, but God be thanked that ye were the servants of sin but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered to you. Being then made free from sin, you became the servants of righteousness. Philippians 4.13, I'll just read for you, says I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. So the Bible teaches, look, the Bible teaches this. The Bible teaches and we studied it extensively in Romans chapter 6 that once you're saved, you are no longer a servant to sin. You're a servant to righteousness. But then on the other flip side of that, Paul goes into detail and depth on the fact that we will always have this flesh, that we will always be at war with this flesh. But we don't have to be servants to sin. If we go and we continue in sin, which we should, should is the key word there, should not do after we are saved, we are choosing to enslave ourselves in that again. That's our choice to put ourselves in that. We can overcome that. I'm not saying you can become sinless. What I'm saying is you can overcome the sins in your life. When you're 30 years old and you get saved when you're 35 and you know, you can change. You can change your character. Now, I will say this. There is truth to what the psychologists have found with all the studies because a lot of people don't. It's difficult to do. So when you get set in stone in your character by the time you're 30, it is difficult, even after you get saved, to change character traits. It's possible, and I've seen it happen, but it is more likely than not in my experience that your character is set by the time you're a certain age. Now, look, I hope that everybody would change once they got saved and they realized they have some character flaws, but the majority of people have a hard time with it. And it's because of the fact that character is built in you early, which is why we're talking about it today. I mean, look, this is why you'll meet saved people in your life that have serious character flaws. I mean, you will meet those people who still and maybe always will have those flaws with them, which is why the sermon from this morning is important, that you're forgiving to your brother. Because being saved is no guarantee of good character. It is that person's individual choice. Once they get saved, getting saved had nothing to do with works. It had to do with what they believed. It had to do with what they trusted in. It's up to them at that point to love God and follow his commandments, to go and change their life. We don't believe in Lordship salvation here, but we believe that you should change your life. You should talk to somebody after you give them the gospel and they get saved and talk to them about just for a few minutes, please, about changing your life. And hey, how do you want to do something with this one life that you have? Because it's really about this one life. It's about this one life that God has given you. I ask people, how many lives do you have? I've never had someone say more than one. You have one life. Do you want to waste it? I've never had anyone say, yes, I want to waste it. Even the kid yesterday with the video game controller in his hand the whole time. But hopefully, you know, he won't waste his life. But he might. You see? That's a character flaw. If that saved individual chooses to waste his whole life, that's a character flaw. And you'll see it. But today, we're going to talk about defining character and one specific trait that I'm going to talk about this morning is defining empathy in your children. Defining empathy in your children. There's lots of different topics that we could talk about to define in your children. Turn back to 1 Samuel 1, please. 1 Samuel 1. Do we have a story in 1 Samuel 1 about someone who has zero empathy? Look at 1 Samuel 1 and verse number 6. We're going to see this evening the importance of empathy in children. But I wanted to first just give you kind of a preface on how important it is that you define it early. Because we're going to see what you will end up with if you don't define it early. Look at 1 Samuel 1 in verse number 6. And her adversary also provoked her sword to make her fret. That means she was just harassing her and making her cry because the Lord had shut up her womb. And as he did so year by year and she went up to the house of the Lord, so she provoked her. So this went on for years. Therefore she wept and did not eat. She said to Elkina, her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? And why eatest thou not? And why is thy heart grieved for I am not better to thee than ten sons? So Hannah rose up after they had eaten and shiled and after they had drunk. Now Eli the priest sat upon the seat of the post of the temple of the Lord and she was in bitterness of soul. Her soul was just crushed over this and prayed unto the Lord and wept sore. This woman is being made miserable. She is being made miserable. So Elkina is this man who has two wives. And by the way, this side note, this never works well in the Bible. So you think, does the Bible, the Bible tells you, told these men, told these kings to not multiply wives. They went and did it anyway. This is just a side note, not the sermon. But it just never works out well. This is just another example. Again, just think about the last time that your wife wasn't happy with you. And just think about it being like that all the time. Because that's how it is if you would have multiple wives in the Bible. I mean, Ecclesiastes 7 saw him and said, one man in a thousand I have found, but I've not found. He'd never had a good relationship with a woman. Or at the end of his life he never found that. He had it early, he lost it. But you know, do you think that the fact that he had hundreds of wives had something to do with it? I mean, so it just never works out well. So that's just a polygamy note right there. But look up at verse 2 of 1 Samuel 1. And the Bible says, he had two wives in the name of, the one was Hannah and the name of the other, Penenah. And Penenah had children, but Hannah had no children. Turn to Genesis 37, look at another example. But here you have this woman who has children, so he has two wives. One of the women, one of the wives, Penenah, has many children. And the other has none and she is very upset about that. I mean, this is a very, you know, look, this is one of the sora subjects. You know, if a family or a woman does not have children, this is a very sora subject. You should not go up to a married couple and you have kids. You should never do that. It's a very sora subject in general. And here you had a woman, not only was she the second wife, which is a terrible situation to be in, but this one is not able to have children. This one is able to give her husband children and she's just beating on the one over this very sora issue. It's a terrible thing. I mean, this is a nasty person, this Penenah. Let's look at another example of zero empathy in the Bible. Look at Genesis 37, look at verse number 18. This is the story of Joseph and his loving family, his brothers. Look at verse number 18. And when they saw him afar off, even before he came nearer to them, they conspired against him to slay him. And they said one another, behold, this dreamer cometh now therefore and let us come now therefore and let us slay him and we will say some evil beast that devoured him and we shall see what will become of his dreams. And Reuben heard it and delivered him out of their hands and said let us not kill him. In verse 22, Reuben said unto them, shed no blood, but cast him into this pit that is in the wilderness and lay no hand upon him that he might that we he might rid him out of their hands to deliver him to his father again. So Reuben is kind of, you know, this is the highlight of Reuben's life right here, according to the Bible. And he's like, hey, just put him in the pit and he's like, I'm going to come back later and I'll save him. Verse 23. And it came to pass when Joseph was come unto his brethren that they stripped Joseph out of his coat, his coat of many colors that was on him. And they took him and cast him into a pit. I mean, this is their brother. And the pit was empty. There was no water in it. And they sat down to eat bread and they lifted up their eyes and looked. And behold, the company of Ishmaelites came from Gilead with their camels bearing spicy going to carry it down to Egypt. And Judah said unto his brethren, What profit is it if we slay our brother and conceal his blood? Come, let us sell him unto the Ishmaelites and let not our hand be upon him, for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brethren were content. Then were passed by Medianites merchant men, and they drew and lifted up Joseph out of the pit and sold Joseph unto the Ishmaelites for twenty pieces of silver. And they brought Joseph into Egypt. And Reuben returned to the pit and behold, Joseph entered the pit and he rent his clothes. And he returned unto his brethren and said the child is not, and I wither shall I go. So he obviously wasn't there when they were deciding to sell him because he was planning on going to get him. And they took Joseph's coat, killed a kid of the goats and dipped the coat in the blood. And they sent the coat of many colors and they brought it to their father and said, this have we found. Now know whether it be thy son's coat or no. So this is the highlight of Reuben's poor life right here, as he tries to at least save his brother. But his brothers have no empathy. I mean here it's like they're going to commit premeditated murder against their brother. Because he was just maybe they thought that he was a little prideful. I mean these are men who they're ruthless. I mean these were ruthless men, zero empathy at all. So we see Penina and we see Joseph's brothers Jacob's sons as great examples of not having any empathy. So what is empathy? The actual definition of empathy is this. The ability to understand and share the feelings of another. So Penina clearly did not have the ability to share the feelings of Hannah and Joseph's brothers clearly did not have the ability to share the feelings of their brother because they just didn't care. Notice that it says the ability. The ability. This implies that empathy can be learned. It's something that is learned. People that have no empathy just do not know how to share the feelings or see the feelings of other people. Alright? Turn to Matthew chapter 22. Let's look at the importance of teaching empathy early. Turn to Matthew chapter 22. And this kind of just tax onto you know some things that we talked about this morning. Look at Matthew chapter 22 in verse number 36. The Bible says, Master, which is the greatest commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, that thou shalt love the Lord, thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. That we love God. And the second is like unto it, that thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself on these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. So Jesus is teaching on loving your neighbor here. I mean it's a heavy emphasis on the point where he basically says you know on loving God and loving your neighbor you know the whole law fits under these categories. You know when you think about don't steal, don't you know all these different things, don't lie, all these different commandments in the Bible, the hundreds of commandments in the Bible, all of them fit under those two main categories. Either loving God or loving your neighbor. So it's a big deal to love your neighbor. So empathy being able to you know put yourself in somebody else's shoes and understand the feelings of other people is a good prerequisite in loving your neighbor. Alright. So how do you instill empathy? Let's go back to the definition. The understand and share the feelings of another. Being able to basically being able to identify personally with other people's struggles having that ability. So these are people you know that have gone through hard times and struggles. So typically people you will find that have gone through difficult things are much better at this in their life. You will find that again and again because it's look it's easy if you've struggled in your life and you've gone through certain specific things you are going to notice that when other people are going through it and then you will remember how that time was for you. Look back at 1 Samuel chapter 1 think of penina think of penina. Did she have the struggles that Hannah had? She did not. She did not have these struggles. She did not identify with Hannah's pain. And in 1 Samuel chapter 4 it says in one of the time that was that Elkina offered he gave to penina his wife and to all her sons and daughters portion. This woman had many children. Sons and daughters. This is why she did not identify with it and that made her a non empathetic person. She didn't have the ability and she became it took root in her and she became this nasty person to Hannah. This is why some of the greatest this is why the meek are put forth so strongly by Jesus in such a positive light. Some of the greatest people you will meet are the meek. A good friend of mine from Sacramento I mean he's one of the most empathetic person people that I've ever met but he's gone through great struggles in his life so he understands I mean he'll text me randomly even after I've moved here like hey say happy birthday to Jacob and I'm just like man he knew Jacob's birthday but he's very empathetic towards other people because of the fact that he's had some struggles and that has instilled a great character trait in him of being empathetic. He's had some difficulties and that built his character in many ways. So let's look at the results of not having empathy we've kind of already looked at the preview there but basically this is where your bullies come from. You think about penna, penna was basically a bully to Hannah Joseph's brothers were the worst kind of bullies and look you will find Christian parents out there raising look this is a problem because you will find Christian parents out there who they're saved the children might be saved but they're raising those kids to have zero empathy. They're raising a bunch of nasty little bullies you will find that. Penna, it started when she didn't have those struggles right that's where it started, that's where the seed was planted you know what did it turn into look at who she is now look at who she was in the Bible a very nasty person so maybe maybe it's not the worst thing in the world if your kids have some struggles in their life. You know we see that she didn't identify at all with Hannah's struggles and she eventually just lost the ability to identify with anyone else's pain she's just a nasty person same with Joseph's brothers so look if left unchecked they were going to murder him themselves so we see that you can find nastiness in saved people you will find that I mean think of this morning we talked about reprobates a little bit this morning we're talking about empathy and the lack of empathy you know one thing is I was talking with my wife about this on the reprobate doctrine and as far as it applies to empathy and identifying look if you over reprobate people you might have an empathy problem alright if you're just like reprobating people constantly I mean if you're the kind of person that's like look and I've heard this many times like I don't know I've given the gospel to them three times I think they might be a reprobate but here's a sound check for you on that alright turn to Psalm 139 but here's a sound check this is someone a reprobate is someone who the Lord has given up on so just think about this look at Psalm 139 verse 21 and 22 the Bible says do not I hate them oh Lord that hate thee am I not grieved with those that rise up against them against thee I hate them with a perfect hatred look here's a sound check for you on reprobates when you think someone might be a reprobate just think would I rejoice in their death would I rejoice in their death think about that because that's where the reprobate is I remember there was a story this story defined much of my childhood there was a situation in minnesota one year where these three boys two brothers and their friend were riding bike home from this rural minnesota town I mean it was such a huge story in North Dakota and Minnesota because stuff like this doesn't happen there but it happens everywhere unfortunately and one of these some you know sodomite reprobate kidnapped one of these kids and he was never seen again and for like 25 years it was milk cartons nobody knew what happened to this boy and 25 it was decades later I can't even remember it was decades later it happened in 1989 and just recently in the last few years they found the guy and he he had killed him he killed this boy and they found him and they got him because the statue of limitations was up on the the case and they got him and they got him for something else where they were able to put him away for life hopefully but not even for that crime I don't think and I just remember my wife has said this about that situation she just said I'm glad there's a hell because we're not able to execute him but she said you know what I'm glad there's a hell that's reprobate stuff okay so you know that's who those people are and that's who we know are reprobates right so like just just check yourself there like would I rejoice in their death an eternal sentence in hell when it comes to that guy you bet you bet so let's talk about it let's get back to teaching empathy teaching empathy kids look kids need to learn to identify with other people's struggles and they can identify turn to Romans chapter 5 they can identify with those struggles by having some struggles themselves look at Romans chapter 5 one of my favorite passages in the Bible right here where the Bible says in Romans 5 in verse number 3 and not only so but we glory in tribulations also knowing that tribulation work with patience this works for kids too this works for kids and patience what? experience and experience hope and hope make it not a shame because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us look struggles are good for your kids in many ways I'm not talking about throwing them to the wolves I'm talking about giving you know giving your kids some challenges in front of them not doing everything for them okay they'll learn to identify struggles that you know they see from other people look you as you struggle in your life should take whatever struggles that you go through personally in your life and you know try to learn whatever you can from those things I remember we had a while back we had one of our kids was going through some health problems that were fairly serious and I decided that while that was going on I was going to write I was going to keep a running list of just takeaways from this situation it went on for months so I would just I just kept a list I have a file of all the things that is a takeaway and most of those things are for me personally that I will never share with people but I just wanted to make sure that through that situation that I was I was learning some things but you know what one thing that I took away from that is I started really seeing that situation with other people that I normally just didn't even see I mean I started seeing people that had children that had health issues more serious than much more serious than ours that we were going through and I was like man you know what this is one of the biggest takeaways for me by the way I was like you know what I didn't even notice those people before I didn't even I didn't even pay attention to them or ask about their daughter or ask about what's going on or ask I knew about it because it was announced and it was in prayer sheets but you know what I never really listened to it that was one of my main takeaways and I think that's one of the things that the Lord was really showing me through that struggle that we went through was to be you know to have that empathy for other people look don't don't make God have to bring you into a bad situation to get you to notice things other people are going through just on a on a general level and you should teach that to your kids early tribulation is good for your character think about small things with your kids teaching them you know to do chores to accomplish things to struggle with things that are a little bit hard at first. Dads take charge here I mean this is I mean remember Ecclesiastes 5 the poor and wise child it doesn't say the rich kid it was the rich king let them struggle through some challenges and then as they grow make the challenges a little bit harder and a little bit more complex and help them get through those things but for people you know for people with older children who are struggling who haven't been able who haven't been taught these things you know there may come a time when they just need to fly on their own and they need to fall on their face on their own this is Jared's opinion land here but as far as my sons there will be a difference there and let me just tell you what my thoughts are on that my daughter will live with me until she's married and I will take care of her until she's married no matter what because that's my job as her father my sons hopefully they will grow to be responsible hardworking young men and they will get married and then they will move from my house to their place with their wife from my house to their wife but look if my kids are 30 years old my boys are 30 they're going to go out on their own and I'm going to live with mommy and daddy until they're 30 years old that's not how it's going to go at some point they need to start walking on their own and that's how I'm going to do it but look a child and here's why a child whose mommy has done everything for them and their life will grow to become a penana they've not gone through any struggles they've not had to do anything themselves they've not had to go through those things and they will have no empathy if they've not learned to struggle and see the struggles of others they need to also appreciate what they have with their siblings here's a sound check for you as well your brothers and sisters because if there's problems that are arising there that will show you that you have a problem with their character especially in the area of empathy if your kids are nasty to each other and I mean turn back to Genesis 37 I mean think of Jacob's sons you think Jacob was a good father Genesis 37 look at verse number 19 how they talked about their brother and they said one to another behold this dreamer cometh come now therefore and let us slay him and cast him into some pit and we will say some evil beast that devoured him we shall see what will become of his dreams so not only are they going to kill him but they're like yeah we'll see about his dreams that he talked to us about they hate him these are not I mean Jacob has not done a good job raising these kids turn to Genesis 47 you say I can't believe you're talking about Jacob that way look Jacob knew this Jacob did not have a great life and verse number Genesis 47 verse number 7 at the end of Jacob's life when he's standing in front of Pharaoh look what Jacob says to Pharaoh verse 7 and Joseph brought in Jacob his father this is after everything has happened and said him before Pharaoh and Jacob blessed Pharaoh and Pharaoh said unto Jacob how old art thou and Jacob said unto Pharaoh the days of the years of my pilgrim are in 130 years and he said few and evil have the days of the years of my life been and have not attained unto the days of the years of the life of my fathers in the days of their pilgrimage he's saying my life has been not great and how his sons turned out I mean look how your children turn out will define like look adults parents how your children turn out what they do with their life will define what you think of your life when you're 100 years old or 90 years old if you have you know if you're 90 years old and your kids are a bunch of penanus and joseph's brothers you're gonna say that your life has been terrible I don't care how many boats you have or how many cars you have or how many houses you have you're gonna look on that and you're gonna say this is not gone well how your children turn out so look it's a big deal so it's a measuring stick a measuring stick is how your children treat each other look I know 60 70 year old kids listen I know 60 and 70 year old people you have resentment towards their brothers and sisters on how they were treated when they were 10 and you know it's true so this is a measuring stick parents if you see something like this happening you see your kids acting nasty to each other you knock that down right away and you start teaching empathy and you start giving them some struggles to go through and you start teaching them that you know what other people struggle and you know you teach them to love their neighbor which is their brother and sister and you know what point out here's another thing you know hopefully a child never gets cancer or some horrible thing that will make them this super empathetic person in their life but you know what when people go through those things point that out to your kids point out a family that is struggling with something serious that God willing you never have to deal with point that out to your kids you know what their child may die their child we need to do this we need to show them love we need to support them you need to talk about these things and point these things out to your kids so you know Lord willing you never God never has to put you through something like that where you can still learn this character trait of empathy you see and you know what repetition works for kids some of the things that I are really instilled deeply in me my dad said to me again and again and again and again and again to the point where I'm like but now it's made me who I am repeat things to your kids again and again and again to the point where they're just like oh dad again I don't even care how annoyed my kids ever are with me certain things I will just keep saying to them so teach them to notice the struggles of others because you know what it's a pretty simple message this evening with your kids it starts out with that you know it starts out early it starts out I'm shocked again and again on how many I mean how parents don't see this with their own kids don't be this look if you are this parent who are like my kid is just the smartest and my kid is this and my kid is that and you're gonna ruin your kids you will ruin them you have fun being prideful right now but you will ruin that child because guess what they hear you saying that too they hear you talking them up constantly building them up with pride and you know what you're gonna raise a nasty little bully is what you're gonna raise you're gonna raise a nasty little 5 year old yeah it starts that early you're gonna raise a nasty little 4 year old who's got zero empathy for you know his brothers and sisters and his friends and his brothers and sisters in Christ and then you know what you're gonna end up with a pen and a is what you're gonna end up with that's what it will manifest into so it's a big deal you have to you know let your kid struggle let your kid you know put some put some designed struggles in front of your children and let them accomplish some things let them realize that things are hard design some safe nice struggles for your 5 year old your 6 year old your 7 year old and then you know constantly be pointing out other people's struggles constantly be talking about don't spread bitterness to them that'll make it even worse but constantly be talking with your spouse in front of your children about how empathetic you are show them how empathetic you are by talking in an empathetic way and noticing the struggles of other people and then you will end up with a child who has the character trait of being an empathetic adult because look you get to be 30 35 years old and you have zero empathy it's gonna be difficult even if they're saved to learn that and then you have a nasty person and it doesn't mean they won't be saved I mean think of it you can get saved when you're 7 8 years old maybe younger I don't know but you can get saved at a young age and then just just have a horrible horrible character traits develop in you and then you know just become a nasty person I don't know if Penina was saved or not but she it's very possible I mean very possible she was very probable she was in this situation so look empathy it's a big deal we don't want to raise Penina's we don't want to raise Joseph's brothers and sisters to identify with the struggles of others let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer Your Heavenly Father we thank you for today we thank you for these stories in the Bible that we can learn from we thank you for just allowing us to be in the house of God today Lord we just thank you for you know just keeping keeping everyone in here safe through all this weird situation and Lord we ask that you continue to keep this church you know just in your hand continue for the next couple you know for the next several weeks well we'll always continue Lord but just keep your eyes on this situation in your hand on this situation Lord we love you in Jesus name we pray Amen