 Listen, there's a lot of women out here. They could definitely compete with these badass bitches. But you got to know your way around the kitchen because she can't. You got to, and I use basketball analogy all the time. Some people are born with a 40-inch vertical. They didn't work. They've never done a squat in their life, but they could walk in the gym, put the ball between their legs and duck it. Other people, you got to develop a jump shot. You got to develop, you know what I'm saying, a crossover. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. Because I just want to build with you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned. There's a lack of confidence. Or the same way how I said, women are trying to prove their value, improve their self-worth, improve that they need to be chosen. Men feel like that too. But it presents itself in achieving things, and getting promotions, and getting nice cars, and getting all these things, because it helps offset those insecurities. In what ways do you believe that that is correlated to some of what we're seeing in the dating marketplace? Because I think it's easy to say that women are wanting to be bosses, and they're trying to be in competition with whatever. But I believe that there is a rivalry about proving value that's happening. So it's like, women want to be valued, men want to be valued. The problem is, we're not going about it in ways that the other party can respect. Okay, before I respond, what is your definition of confidence? Confidence is, because I believe confidence is built from childhood. So when I think about confidence, I'm thinking about just a sense of self-worth and value that is not tied to external objects. So not like, I'm the best that ever walked the earth, not like that, but just, I guess like an inner piece of self and an understanding of inherent value. With all due respect, that is a female definition, and I'll tell you why. Okay. Women are born valuable, men have to earn it. From the beginning of time down there, there's always been like a rite of passage for boys. Manhood wasn't a right, it was a privilege. It was something you had to earn. And the reason that is, is because men are tasked with two key things, provide, protect, right? And our value as men, our identity as men, is our competence in doing wonderful for those things. Can he provide very well, can he protect very well? That's literally what our esteem is rooted in. Right or wrong is the wrong way to evaluate that. It's about like productive and counterproductive. And for the sake of human survival, that has been productive. Men had to be this thing. Men had to be warriors. Men had to be farmers. Whether or not we liked it, we had to be. So from a man's standpoint, I think confidence is your understanding and acknowledgement of your capabilities. How is that different than what I said? Because it's about the capabilities. So if you're not capable of anything, you can't have confidence. Versus an intrinsic, I'm just because I think I am. No, you have to be able to prove it. Not that because I think I am, but I feel like confidence comes into play when opposition arises. So I inherently know that I am valuable, that I have things to contribute to the world. So I pursue things that allow that to be true. And then two, I'm not discouraged by things that would conflict with that. I feel like that's confidence. So if I'm understanding correctly, you're saying confidence is when you have an understanding of what you're good at and you pursue that? I believe, yeah, essentially. So confidence is the understanding. So the awareness of your strengths, but then it's also, it provides the fortitude. So even despite obstacles, I still back myself. I still believe in me enough to know that I can persevere. Yeah, well, I mean, because the original question was why does it seem like men's confidence is tied to these things, their cars? Well, what role does that lack of, because I believe that it's a lack of confidence that is putting extra emphasis on material things and bank accounts and things like that versus I'm a good person. I, I can't measure good. Huh? I can't measure good. Mm hmm. But wouldn't it be reflected in your outcomes? Not necessarily. Or your relationships? Not necessarily. Well, if it's measurable, right? So when I think of confidence, I think I'm fast because I ran, I timed myself running a 4-4. Look at this 4-4 that I ran. But that's the problem in my head is that men tie confidence to achievement, whereas, but does that just because somebody beats you, does that mean that you're not fast anymore? You didn't finish first place. So now I'm internalizing, I'm not fast enough. I'm not, I'm not fast. Whereas before when I was winning, it was good. That was cool to measure it from that outcome. But when somebody comes that's faster, am I not fast anymore? I think that's the problem is that when you tie confidence to achievements, the moment that you're not on top anymore, you have this deflated sense of self-worth. Yeah, no, I'm with you. I'm with you. I don't think your confidence should just be tied to being the best. I think, I do think it should be tied to being amongst the best. Okay. I think, I think there, there should be metrics. Now, obviously I'm not an ostentatious, showy person. I don't believe, you know, the nigga who pulled up in the big body bends is the most confident dude. I don't think that. But what I'm saying is the reason why men tend to use these things that we view as metrics is literally to validate our ability to provide or protect. You know, even though we don't get all these big muscles, it's deeply to validate our ability to protect, or we want to get all these cars that make sense to validate our ability to provide. And again, that is a unique task that we have that women at the core don't have. Women's value tends to be, or has tended to be their ability to attract the king. Men's value has been his proximity to the king. You see what I'm saying? So with that being said, a lot of the shit men do, it's not stuff that we want to do necessarily. It's not stuff that we, we like to do, but it's stuff we have to do, right? And we don't get any sympathy, but I wish there was a time where men can just come out valuable, but that's not how society is why we have to go out here and prove it. I can't make the football team unless I can do this, this and this and prove that I can do this, this and this. Yeah. I think the problem is kind of like in your example, women, yeah, like being able to attract the king, but what if she's not like a beautiful woman? Or then it was her ability to bear children. What if she can't have kids? So then like where I think women and men have a lot more in common than what media would have you say or think right now, just because it's like, again, like kind of like a rivalry thing, like men have it worse. No women have it worse. But it's like, I think there's a lot of similarity to the experiences. I agree. In women's defense, I think your ceiling is a lot more fixed than men's. Yeah. Like men can literally, we can carve out ourselves in a way that women can't. Because like we already talked about women making more money doesn't mean anything. And that's something we can control, but it doesn't matter. So then it's like of the things that matter to men, some of them, like you say, like the fit feminine, the beautiful part, not necessarily, but like fit feminine, inspirational, but to can you teach someone to be inspirational? Not necessarily. I don't think I disagree. I think you can. I don't know. Because, you know, until your point earlier, the people make concessions based on compensating factors. So there's some women who are not aesthetically beautiful. But man, the beautiful man or when she speaks, you know, when she touch you or or or or when when she cook, it does something it does. And similarly, you know, I'm saying a nigga might not be handsome, but he got a dick or he or he speaks well. Whatever the case may be. So so I'm just about encouraging people because here's the part. You can't make those improvements, those concessions until you first have a accurate understanding of what you are. Yeah. You know, the reason why, like you put it, the short niggas have good personalities because they know they're short. If they thought they were tall, they would act like tall dudes and be just moving around and shit like that. And unfortunately, a lot of women think they're tall. Yeah. And that's why they can't really make the good. Listen, it's a lot of women out here. They could definitely compete with these bad ass bitches. But you got to know your way around the kitchen because she can't. You got it. And I use I use basketball analogy all the time. Like some people are born with a 40 inch vertical. They didn't work. They've never done a squat in their life, but they could walk in the gym, put the ball between their legs and duck it. Other people, you got to develop a jump shot. Yeah. You got to develop, you know, I'm saying a crossover. Now, here's the beauty of life, right? That's kind of the great equalizer. The deal with the jump shot and crossover typically last longer in the league than the deal with a 40 inch vertical. Because if he land wrong one time, it's done. Correct. So again, instead of us, you have person A pretending to have a four 40 inch vert or person B, who just walks around saying, yeah, I got a 40 inch ride, never jumped before, but yeah, I got a 40 inch vert. And then person C was in the gym, walking on the crossover. This person is going to win 10 times out of 10. Tom Brady is a shit athlete, but he's the greatest football player in the world because he's not athletic. So he had to learn to try harder. You know, men can do that, women can do that as well. But you have to accurately assess yourself. I think that's the problem. The assessment tends to be off. But then again, it's a lack of self awareness and honesty. And for whatever reason, your environment does play a role because if I'm the best in my group, but my group is crappy, right? But I'm the best cook, but it's still not good. Then I think I'm doing something. Or if I get the most attention out of everyone else in the group, I believe that I'm probably more attractive than maybe I was I am if I were in a different group or if I have the smartest things to say in my friend group, but they're they can barely string together sentences. Then it just it it creates a distorted self view. Absolutely. And then that's that's what makes me sad about our community, because it's a lot of big fishes and small ponds, right? And until you go out into the real world and see, I don't know, a goddamn thing, I'm not you think you're cute until you go to California. You go to Miami, New York. You think you're cute, right? So if that's all you had going for yourself, you're not going to succeed. And beauty is fleeting anyway. Here's the other thing with the beauty is fleeting piece that I try to stress to women. There's a documentary series. I don't know if it's still on Netflix, but it's called Hot Girls Wanted. Have you seen that? I haven't seen that one. So Hot Girls Wanted is a a documentary following amateur porn stars. Oh, wow. Who kind of found their way from like Onlyfans and Igene to like actual porn. And one of the things that they mentioned is that the average life cycle of one of these girls is a year. Oh, wow. That's why is it a year? Because sexually men get bored quickly. So after they've seen a couple of your videos or you've made enough enough videos for them to put on Pornhub and play infinitely, they don't want to see it. They don't want to see the same pussy in the same tip. You know what I'm saying? So like it's rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. So if you're relying on that, if you're relying on this beauty that not only is fleeting with age, but also is becoming more familiar. Yeah. To this person or people. Yeah. I know some bad bitches. Like when a new guy sees her, he's like, oh, my God. It's like, yeah, it is old. It's not a lot. It's not as deep. It's not that deep. Yeah. Yeah. So that's that's that's kind of been my message to women. Like you're relying on that 40 inch vert. And I'm telling you, when you hit the lead, that don't mean a goddamn thing. Yeah. Everybody has a 40 inch vert. Or the people who don't have a 40 inch vert, they will win championships more than you because they have the skills that actually matter and that are sustainable. Yeah. I think another problem potentially is that, you know, there's a whole conversation about like being raised to be a wife. And I think that there is a very narrow view for all people about what a wife is. And so I think that I think that being a wife, specifically, has been portrayed to be a very low level position. I agree. And so women don't typically aspire for that because it's seen as something that people look down on. Like, well, she just stays at home with the kids. Like she just she just takes care of her man. Just stop that. He has always just does that. Like it's not like how you said earlier, there is a really a dollar amount to all of those tasks and some things you can't even really put a dollar amount on, you know. But I think that's part of the problem is women don't aspire for those those skills that would differentiate them from other women that are deeper than physical appearance because of the portrayal on that role. Which is unfortunate. I agree. I agree. And, you know, the definition of wife is relative to definition of husband and vice versa. So it I think in order for us to start moving in the right direction, we have to start incentivizing more community minded, more macro people. And then kind of instilling in them that wisdom to be able to accurately assess people and accurately value people. Because ultimately, the point of this whole life thing is to leave an impact and leave a PC yourself. Like we can't divorce ourselves of like literally if you die without children, it's like kind of like you didn't survive in a way low key. Like, you know, at least that's how I think of it. So in with that being said, how can I prepare myself in my community, my family to do that in the best possible way? You know, because it's all about like the quote that I've been obsessing over recently is nations grow great or is it nation? Yeah, nations grow great when old men plant trees the shade of which they'll never sit. Right. So it's all about like, what did your life mean anything? Yeah, that's nice. I have a question for you. It's like a personal question. Talk to me. How will you know when someone is the one? Here's the thing. I don't believe in the one. Really? There is no one for you. I think it's a pyramid. Right. I think I think it's like this, right? And then at the bottom of the pyramid, some people, there are a lot of people that I'm kind of compatible with and then above that, even more compatible with but above and then a very small group that I'm really compatible with. But the reason I struggle with the concept of the one is because like I was born in Nigeria. I moved here when I was eight. Literally one thing could have happened and I would have never moved here. So if the one is in America and I never came to America, I would have never found her. Or if the one is in Nigeria and now that I'm in America, I'm not, I don't go back. I'll never find her. She might be in Europe or Brazil or whatever the case would be. So when I'm looking at the world, the one doesn't really make sense to me. I think there are ones, but I don't think it's just one. That's interesting. I think for me, it's kind of everything I said before. If I spend 90 percent of my time by myself, probably 95, to be honest with you. So you're not in a position to get chose. Low key, right? But I say that to say, I say that to say. If I find people, when I find people who are better than my alone, then I know we're supposed to be friends or we're supposed to be, you know, romantic, whatever the case may be. So number one, like the prerequisite is you have to be better than my alone. And then number two, you have to make my life easier in some type of way. And vice versa. Like if I can't be helpful to you, then yeah, as a man, don't some ego level. It's kind of, you know, so there needs to be some kind of symbiotic, not co-dependent, but interdependency, you know. But I know where I'm going. And she has to make sense with where I'm going. I've never heard anybody describe it that way. Being with her needs to be better than my alone. Yeah. Because a lot of people don't like being alone. Most people don't. Most people can't. It's very uncomfortable for most people. That's it. I like that one. I like that a lot, actually. I like that. You can feel it in. I like that one. I like that because it has a lot of implications to it. Because the other thing too is like, I think a lot of us, unfortunately, and I'm guilty of this too, like we were looking for other people to help us like ourselves. You know, so I'm going to like you. I'm going to like me vicariously through you. I already like me. Right. I want to like us. I feel that sometimes people like people around that are distraction so that you don't have to spend time. Yeah, because then like some of those pesky thoughts come up. Some of those insecurities come up. Like some people, a lot of people don't know how to be alone. Like most people, like literally on the way here, I didn't I never turn the radio on. I sat in silence or was like on the phone for some period of time. But I said in silence for the majority of the ride, like just thinking. But my thoughts don't scare me. Some people's thoughts scare them. You want to get philosophical. That's because they think they're their thoughts. Yeah. I just observe my thoughts. Yeah. And like there has to be some control over your thoughts. Like everything that I think doesn't necessarily mean that it's true. Just because it came through my head, because some of us are telling stories to ourselves about ourselves and our true. But yeah. And it's it's it's you have to be able to make that separation because even like with intrusive thoughts, right? Like you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are stuff that go through you when you observe and you let them go. It's a tough thing to understand, especially I think we have to kind of make note of some people don't have the same capacity of understanding because they are neurodivergent. They they have, you know, some disorders or whatever the case, maybe or some traumas that they haven't properly worked through. So but for me, though, I like my alone, you know. So with I'm an introvert, most people might not realize it. But so I'm not hungry for people. So if I'm with a person, it has to make sense. Yeah. Maybe it's because I'm a dude, too. Right. Like you as you said earlier, if I'm by myself when I die. Cool. We get married. We don't get married. OK, you know, so OK. So this question, I guess it's maybe a little bit off, but it's like it reminded me, well, something you said sparked the question. So you don't believe necessarily that all of your steps in life are planned preordained. Yeah. Because in my head, in my head, there are heavy. OK, this is heavy. Did you ever read those Goosebumps books? I feel like I have. I love the covers of stuff, but OK, there was a series and then there was like these Goosebumps books where you could decide how the story went. So like you could make decisions and it would say if you choose this, turn to this page. If you choose this, turn to this. Oh, like Manor Snatch. I don't know what that is, but Black Mirror. Have you ever watched it? Yeah, like something like that. So, yeah, so it was like. But I think ultimately there were only maybe one or two endings, like it would only end in like one of two ways, even no matter what it all kind of came back so yeah. So I tend to see life that way where I have the freedom of choice, but I'm operating at a greater purpose. So I am ultimately going to get to this purpose, but my choices along the way dictate how quickly I get to that purpose. So whoever I'm supposed to be with will be on that path, but I may meet him in a different way, depending on the choices that I make. And maybe when I meet him, I like negatively impact. What our correspondence looks like. So maybe he was supposed to be this, but then I chose something that made him now be that something else. Yeah, in my life. But I still believe I'll come across him regardless. That's tough because the question is then like which him because 29 year old Allen is so different from 19 year old Allen. But was that preordained? Like was that already understood that this version of Allen would be different? I think we're constantly changing. So what I mean is like if I met my quote unquote soulmate. At 19, she probably wouldn't like me. You know, or if I met somebody who would who would like me at 19, probably wouldn't like me now. So then that's the question like because I always think about this. It's like, OK, well, if I had met you, I wouldn't even have wanted to know you back when you were a teenager because I wouldn't I wouldn't have liked you back then. So was it always planned that I would not meet you until I would like you? You know what I'm saying? Like or is it just like we just happened to meet each other now? But like you could have met me back then. But if you did, you wouldn't like. So is that why I didn't meet you back then? Because I wasn't supposed to not like you. For me, I think why that's tough is because I constantly think about how different my life could have been if little things happen. So for instance, we won a lottery to come to the United States. Oh, wow. So if we didn't win the lottery would be here. We were split when we lived in New York. We were split between coming to Virginia or South Carolina, because we had family in both states, literally a coin flip. We came to South Carolina. My life would be completely different if I went to Virginia. Yeah, for sure. I wouldn't know any of the people that I know. For sure. Right. So you could make the argument that it was preordained. All of that stuff was supposed to happen like it did. But I think you could make an equally good argument that there's a version of you in Virginia and some alternate universe. And that version might be better. It might be worse. I don't know. I wish I had audience. It's like you going on a rabbit hole when you start thinking about that because it's deep. It is. It's like maybe all of those like maybe the coin was only supposed to flip and make you do that. Like, you know. Well, I think I think that's part of the reason why a lot of marriages fail. Because I think we got married at 20. We were fucking soulmates. But at 30, we're not completely different. Yeah. And the things that I like, the things I'm interested in, my dreams are completely different. So we're, quote unquote, the same people, but we're not the same people. Right. And you see that actually happen a lot, even in litigation and family courts and stuff like that. Like, there's a there's a book by this guy named James Sexton. It's called If You're In My Office. It's already too late. He was a divorce attorney. And he said that, you know, most people put more thought into the car that they're going to buy instead of the person that they're going to sign on to spend the rest of their lives with. And, you know, most people, if you told them that you could only ever buy one car for the rest of your life, that Ferrari you thought you were going to buy doesn't make as much sense. You can't put a car seat in a Ferrari. Yeah. When your knees go bad, when you get old, you can't get in and out of a Ferrari. So you have to be more pragmatic, right? But with people, we don't do the same thing. We marry a Ferrari and we wonder why it doesn't work when we have kids or it doesn't work when we're in our old age. She still wants to be in a strip club. She's the one that, you know, boom, boom. So, you know, I think that's what's tough. So for me, in lieu of shit changes, I'm all about like sustainability. Like, is this going to make sense? So do you believe in monogamy? Let's do it.