 this without coffee. And we're in chapter 7. We're going to be looking at verses 1 through 9 in 1 Corinthians. And so let's begin at 1 Corinthians chapter 7 at verse 1. I'm going to read verses 1 and 2 together, do some background for you, lay a context, and then move on into the study. We're looking at chapter 7 here, a chapter that deals with marriage. And so beginning at verse 1, Paul writes, Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Well, what Paul is saying is kind of obvious to me. I mean, when I was a little boy, we were told, don't touch girls, because you get cooties. I mean, so that's a very spiritual thing right from the get-go. As we look at this passage, we're going to be looking at chapter 7. Chapter 7 is really a passage that's dedicated to speaking concerning marriage. And we'll look at that in some detail, and I'm going to take three or four weeks to go through chapter 7 and look at it, you know, a bit at a time. But in order to get into chapter 7, let me remind you, let me remind you of what Paul had been speaking about in chapter 6, so I can roll into chapter 7 with the context. In chapter 6, Paul had been speaking concerning sexual sin. He had specifically been speaking of the sins of fornication and adultery. And he was concluding chapter 6, that section, in verse 20, by reminding his people who are reading this particular letter that they, he said, have been bought at a price. So he's reminding them that there's a reason why he's exhorting them to live a life of holiness and purity. And the reason why you have been exhorted to live a life of holiness and purity is because you are not your own. You have been bought by Jesus Christ. And in order to understand why that is so important, we simply need to remember the price of redemption, what it cost. Salvation is not something that was without cost. Salvation was extremely costly because salvation was won for us through the blood of Jesus Christ. In Psalm 49 verses 6 through 9 it says, the ungodly trust in their wealth and boast of great riches. Yet they cannot redeem themselves from death by pain or ransom to God. Redemption does not come so easily, for no one can ever pay enough to live forever and never see the grave. No one can pay. The price of redemption is costly. And so the cost of redemption was the blood of Jesus Christ. In 1 Peter 1, 18 and 19 the apostle writes, you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. So you weren't redeemed by things that have no true eternal value, silver, gold and precious stones have no eternal value. You were redeemed by something much more costly by the blood of Jesus Christ. And because Jesus redeemed us, we no longer belong to ourselves. And seeing that we are now owned by Him because He purchased us, then we're to glorify God. And we're to glorify God in all that we are and all that we do. The Bible tells us that our lives are to be living sacrifices that are dedicated to God. They are to be lives earmarked by good works that bring glory to Him. In chapter 10 of 1 Corinthians, verse 31, Paul says it like this. He says, therefore, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. And so we belong to Him. And Paul throughout his writings makes it very clear that the cost of redemption was very costly. It's the blood of Christ. We have been bought at a price. Therefore, we are to give ourselves wholly over to the Lord valuing what God has done for us. It says in Philippians 3, verse 20, I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. So Paul understood that Jesus Christ redeemed him. Jesus Christ saved him. And therefore, as a believer, Paul would say, we are owned by him, glorify him in the way that you live. And so that's what we were looking at in chapter 6. As we get into chapter 7, Paul is now beginning to answer questions that the Corinthians have asked. Chapters 7 through chapter 11 deal with a variety of their questions. Now what they're doing is they're asking questions of the man who planted the church because he is the church planter and their father in the faith. Naturally, they're taking their spiritual questions to him. And as the one who planted that church, Paul naturally would have a great concern for their spiritual welfare. He wants them to grow up. He wants them to mature. And therefore, as the one who brought them to faith, he has a tremendous interest in how they grow. That's true in this church. That's true with every pastor. If I've had the opportunity and responsibility of bringing someone to the Lord, the natural, I'm greatly concerned with their walks with Jesus Christ. I have to be. I should be. I should be concerned for them. And I get letters on Facebook questions all the time, every week. I get letters to my, you know, here to the church in David at CalvaryCCV.org. And people write me every week. And I'll have quite a number of questions that are, you know, written to me that I take time during the week to answer. If you ever have any questions, just write me. You know, I'll get it to somebody else. They'll answer it. And I'll just put my name down. No, I'll answer your, I'll answer your questions. If you have questions, if you can't grab me somewhere, write me. And I'll answer your questions. I do it every week. I answered tons of questions every week. That's what I like to do. I enjoy doing that. It's not a problem with me at all. So if somebody says pastor, I was wondering about this. Or I'm wondering about that. For me, it's something I'm dedicated to do. I want to do that. I want to answer it. Paul wanted to answer their questions. And that's why he says in verse 1, concerning the things of which you wrote to me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. They obviously had asked some questions related to marriage. And that's what it's going to be speaking about. Now, their question is related to the society's confused understanding. The Greek society's confused understanding concerning marriage. Just what is marriage? That's not a new question. We have that today. We have people who are redefining it constantly. And so, but that's not a new thing. That is something that is ancient. 2000s years ago, the Corinthians were asking in that question, just what is marriage? Because of the way things were in their own society. You see, Greek society tolerated a variety of things. They tolerated adultery. They tolerated homosexuality. They tolerated polygamy. And they tolerated a system called concubinage, where a man could be married to a woman, but have somebody on the side. And so they tolerated that. That was all something acceptable within Greek society during the time of the writing. The Romans actually had laws that pertain to marriage. And under Roman law, there were four recognized types of marriages. One, you had what would be called marriage between slaves. If a male and a female slave desired to be married, they would be allowed or might be allowed to live together. The arrangement, though, would last only as long as the owner permitted it. And the owner was perfectly free to separate them and to arrange for other partners or to sell one or sell the other. Many of the early Christians were slaves and some of them had lived or were still living in this sort of marital relationship. A second recognized marriage was what we today would call common law marriage. There was a form of common law marriage that recognized a couple to be husband and wife after they had lived together for a year. In the United States, there are states, we all know this, that have what are called common law marriage laws. And which is basically that you live for a certain period of time, and though you never went before the justice of the peace, and though you never went before a clergyman, you are recognized as being married under what is called common law. I have had people in this church who have referred to their relationship in that fashion, that we have a common law marriage, but I have to tell them no you don't, because California does not recognize common law. So living together in California does not constitute a legal arrangement. But there are states that have legal arrangements called common law. In Rome, they had a common law, a form of common law marriage. There was a third form of marriage, and that would be when a father would sell his daughter to a prospective husband. I had two daughters, I wish I'd have thought about that. Actually I had had to pay them, take my babies, no I'm just kidding. And then you have the fourth recognized wedding marriage, and that would be similar to what we today consider as a modern wedding day ceremony. The Roman nobility were married in that fashion, and the way they got married actually was adopted by the Catholic Church, and certain Christian modifications were brought into that arrangement, and actually came with very few changes, and from the Catholic form came the Protestant form of marriage that pretty much reflects much of what the Roman marriage ceremony was like. The ceremony involved participation by both families in the arrangements for the wedding. It included a matron to accompany the bride, a man who accompanied the groom, the exchanging of vows, the wearing of a veil by the bride, the giving of a ring, it included a bridal bouquet, it included a wedding cake, and all of that came out of the Roman form of marriage that the Roman nobility would practice. Now the problem Paul is dealing with is this, there are people in church living under, some of them living under one of all those four arrangements. So how are you going to deal with that? How are you going to deal with the fact that there are two slaves who are joined together, but they may be broken up? Or you have people who are living together. How are you going to deal with that? And so that's what the Corinthians are asking, they're asking a question that can be asked even today. And so he begins very basically, even as we see in verse one, and this is what he says. He says, it's good for a man not to touch a woman. Now the word touch there is what we would call a euphemism. It's taking a word that is a mild word in exchange for one that has more of a harsh connotation. The word touch a woman is in reference to it's good to not have physical intimacy. He said, it is actually good that the man does not have sexual intercourse. He says, it's actually good that the man does not marry. Now when he's speaking about that, he's simply speaking concerning the benefits of remaining unmarried. It's not that Paul hated marriage. It's that Paul is saying there are certain benefits to remaining single. And he speaks about that as we look at this. He thought that it would be beneficial not to get married, but what you need to understand is what he is saying here to the Corinthians actually goes against the prevailing opinion. And what he's saying here was actually something that people had problems with. You see the Jews thought that remaining single would break God's commandment in Genesis 1.28 where he said, be fruitful and multiply. But Paul was inspired by God's spirit differently. He knew that remaining unmarried actually has spiritual benefits. And he'll speak about that in a moment. But in verse 2 he goes on and says, nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband. And so sexual desire is part of our makeup. But the sexual desire can drive us to sinful ways of expression. We are created with sexual desires and it's natural for us to desire to find a way of expressing them. But when we go outside of what God has said is the proper way of expression, then we enter into areas of sin. I should say this at this point. When I was growing up somewhere along the line, I was told that the original sin in the Garden of Eden, I was told that the original sin in the Garden of Eden was not eating of the forbidden fruit, but that Adam and Eve had had sexual intercourse. I was told that because it was a prevailing opinion amongst many people who were in church in the 50s that sexual intercourse was really something that was improper. And so that was something that was told to me as a child. When I was asking questions about God and things of that nature, I was told, well the original sin was that Adam and Eve had sex and produced children. Well in hindsight, I can say having children is anyway, but that wasn't the original sin. God created male and female and God commanded them and said be fruitful and multiply. The first thing that God ever said is not good after declaring everything to be good in the days of creation. The very first thing that God ever declared to be not good is it is not good that the man should be alone. And so God created man with natural desires that are fulfilled when he is consummating his relationship in marriage with a woman. So Paul is not saying that it is sinful to get married. He's not saying that at all. What Paul is saying is it's beneficial to remain unmarried. And the reason why he would say it's beneficial is because marriage brings with it many cares. Every married individual in this room knows that. A single individual cares, he would say, for the things of the Lord. But a married individual thinks in terms of how he or she may please their mate. And so our priorities began to be changed when we get married because we have a tendency of wanting to make sure that the person we're married to is satisfied and blessed in all ways. So when Paul is speaking here and introducing the subject of marriage and answering the question, should I get married? Paul is saying it's good for a man not to have relationships. Why? Because when you have relationships with a woman, it gets complicated. When you get married, there are complications that are involved. And so from a spiritual sense in terms of freedom to serve the Lord, you're a lot more free to serve the Lord when you're single than you are when you're married. I know that to be a fact because there are things that perhaps I would be given opportunity to do, but it would require me to be gone for a long time to be away from my wife and now away from my children and grandchildren to the point where I actually take into consideration what is the cost of this and is it necessary for me to go whereas before, because I didn't have those concerns, I might have been free or I would have been more free to say yes, I'll go and I'll leave for this long. I remember the first time I went on a ministry trip to India, I was gone for 16 days. That's a long time to be away from your wife and children. And it was difficult. And I went through things and saw things that were revolutionary in my life that were life changing things. But at the same time, it would have been great if I had experienced those things with my wife along my side if she'd been with me. And so there are things that I was experiencing that I wished that I could have shared that I was unable to share. And there were things that were going on that were driving me to want to go home. And I even called Marie and I said at one point I was in Madras, India. And I called Marie and I said, I'm trying to find a way to get home right now. I'm wanting to get on a plane and I want to come home to you. Because when I went through India for the first time, we went from from Bombay up to New Delhi off to Madras down south to a place called Trivandrum and back on up when we had gone through India in that fashion and were gone for that long, we went to a place that had what they called women in cages. And they were they were women who were prostitutes who lived in cages. They lived in cages. You know, so when I say the word cage, I'm not speaking about a house or a crib. I'm speaking about a cage, a literal cage. And some of those women had been impregnated and had babies that were being raised in the cage alongside of them. And the men will walk in this alleyway and point to the woman he wants. And she has to have relations with him. And the cost that she makes maybe 50 cents. That's what her life is all about. And so we saw a lot of pain. We saw a lot of suffering. And it was every day that we saw this. And when we got into that city, we were on a bus driving through the town. And I looked off to the left in this very crowded city. There was a little girl laying she was two years old or so on her back naked lying on some cardboard on the sidewalk. And when we drove by and I saw this baby just laying there, I like I can't even talk about it now. I lost it. I lost it. And I got on the phone. And I said, I've got to get out of here. I cannot take this. The pain and suffering is worse than anything I've ever seen in my life. We talk about the homeless in the United States. There are three million people living on the streets in Bombay, three million people living on the streets in Bombay. So when we Americans speak about how bad we have it, I wish I could just put everybody in a bus and go with me to Madras, go with me to Bombay and see what poverty really is before we say we have it bad. You see, it changed my life. It changed my life. I was going through this without my wife. And I got on the phone and I said, I've got to get out of here. I can't take another day of this. I couldn't get out and the Lord had a way. He said, no, you're going to stay and take the full front of this ministry. When you're married, your wife can be speaking from a male perspective. Your wife can be such a help. Your wife is also your concern. So Paul is saying it is good for a man not to have relations with a woman because it's beneficial in a spiritual sense, not because it makes you better because you're unmarried, but because you're focused and don't take your eyes off the things that you should have your eyes on because you're concerned for the care of your wife or the care of your children. Yet, from a practical perspective in verse two, he speaks of sexual immorality and therefore he says, because you have natural needs, you should have your own wife. In verse three, he says, let the husband render to his wife the affection to her. And likewise, also the wife to her husband. When he speaks concerning of rendering to his wife the affection that is do her, that speaks of a debt, a debt of love. He's saying you should render to her physical affection. And as you give to her physical affection, it isn't for your self-satisfaction because your drive for self-satisfaction is always present in the sin of fornication, but is not to be present in your marriage. When you have relations with your wife, then you ought to be wanting her to have pleasure in your relationship. So as a married man, you don't just have relations because you desire them, but in marriage they're supposed to be mutual satisfaction. Therefore, instead of saying it's all about me and how I feel, it should be, it should be all about us and how we feel together. And so Paul is speaking about that, but he's doing it in a way that is very, is very clean, very gentle. He's speaking of rendering to the wife the affection that is do her. And he says likewise also the wife is to render affection to her husband. In marriage, you yield yourself to one another in a physical sense and you don't barter. When you barter, when you have this agreement, look at honey, you know, I'd really like to be with you and she says, and I'd like a new purse. What are you thinking? In a gentle way, may I say that's a form of prostitution because you're bartering. And so that's really not to be part of a marital relationship. It's really got to have a higher emphasis than that. And Paul is speaking concerning that the desire for sexual expression within marriage will always been always be legitimate. And God's word makes it very clear. In Proverbs chapter 5, verses 18 and 19, we read, May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth, a loving doe, a graceful deer. May her breasts satisfy you always and may you ever be captivated by her love. Now notice in verse 4, he says, The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Sexual needs are to be fulfilled mutually. Again, it's about us, it's not just about me. You submit to one another as it says in Ephesians 5, 21, submit to one another in the fear of God. And then he says something very interesting in verse 5, Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control. There is a time of legitimate deprivation. There's a time that you cannot be fulfilled in your sexual desire simply because you're serving the Lord. You know, I'm gone for two weeks. I'm not with my wife. There's no time for us to be together because there's no possibility of it. So there are legitimate times for you to be gone and to be involved in serving the Lord. And that's basically what he's speaking about when he's talking about fasting and prayer. You speak about times that you're set apart to seek the Lord and serve the Lord and in doing so you're not able to be together and therefore these desires that you have are not going to be consummated because it's just not, you're just not able to. So there's a legitimate deprivation of this and that's when there's a time of prayer and that's with consent. But he says in verse 6, and this is where I want to start getting a little more practical, he says, but I say this as a concession, not as a commandment, for I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. And so let's look at that from a very practical perspective. In verse 6, he says, I say this as a concession. This is something that we should have a joint opinion or a common mind concerning. Marriage, he's saying, is not for all, but I am not saying that you have to be married or that all should not be married. I'm speaking concerning spiritual gifting. When he said in verse 6, I wish that all men were even as I myself. All we need to ask ourselves is this, Paul, what were you? And Paul would say, I'm single. I'm unmarried, unattached. Now as we keep going through chapter 7 here, there's going to be some very practical things that Paul has some understanding about. And there are those who would say that Paul actually had been a married man. The reason they say that is because when you look in the book of Acts, and you see that Stephen, the first martyr of the church, was being stoned to death. That he speaks concerning them laying their clothing, those who were doing the stoning, at the feet of a young man by the name of Saul. Saul later on in his writing says that he consented to the death of Stephen. Now when he's speaking in that fashion, when he says I consented at his death, and when you see them laying the garments at his feet, that gives you an insight that he had some authority, and more than likely was exercising authority at the death of the first believer, the first Christian believer, Stephen the first martyr. And so there are very good conservative scholars who would say that in order for Paul to have that kind of authority, he had to be part of the Sanhedrin. And in order to be a member of the Sanhedrin, you had to be a married man. And so there are those who would say that Paul was married, which would give him insight into the affairs of a married individual, why he could give this kind of insight from a practical perspective. Now what happened to his wife? That's where people are conflicted. Some say, well it's possible that when he got saved that the wife left to divorce him, there are those who say that. Others would say that he was a widower. But we do know one thing, he is single as he's writing this. He says, and I want you to be like I am. What are you Paul? I'm a single man. And I would like you to have a singleness too. So I wish that all men were even as I myself, but he goes on to say each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. So he's pointing out that celibacy is actually a gift from God. Now I've been in the ministry a long time and I've had people who ask for prayer for gifts. I want a gift. You know, would you pray for me so that God will baptize me with the Holy Spirit because I would like the gift of tongues? Or would you pray for me because I'd like to be able to prophesy? Can you pray for me because I would like to be able to interpret? I have never had anybody approach me saying, can you pray for me so I could be a eunuch? Not one time in my entire ministry life. Oh God, make me a eunuch. I have never seen someone do that. They just don't. What they want is they want to know, am I supposed to get married? I have had people say, I want to know God's will in my life concerning relationships. And can you pray for me because I think I'm a eunuch. Now I had somebody approach me who said, I think I'm a celibate. I think I'm a eunuch. I said, you think you're a eunuch? He says, yeah, do you think I'm a eunuch? And I asked this question to him. Do you want to go out on dates with women? Yeah. I said, you're not a eunuch. Get out of here. Go ask somebody out. Because when you have the gift of celibacy, there's no desire in your heart to go out with a woman because your heart is sold out to God. You just want to serve the Lord. So that's not even a question you have, because it's a gift. And you don't even, you don't make a big deal about it. You don't walk around with little name tag. Hi, my name is David eunuch. You don't identify yourself that way. You just are. You're just an unmarried individual who is grateful for your singleness because it gives you freedom to serve the Lord. There's no desire in your heart whatsoever to be married. You just want to serve God. And there are not a whole lot of people who have that particular gift. But Paul is speaking of it as being a gift. And he's saying, celibacy is a gift from God. But celibacy as a gift from God sets you free to minister. Paul had this gift to celibacy, but not all have such a gift. You see in the original creation of man, God intended Adam to have a companion. When we look in the book of Genesis, we discover that marriage is part of God's original plan for humanity. And that marriage is a divinely instituted arrangement. Again, in Genesis 218, it says, the Lord God said, it's not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. It isn't good for man to be without a companion. It's not good for him to be alone. I will make a helper for him. And this one will be comparable or suitable for him. So voluntary celibacy is good, but it's not a requirement for all. And you are not more spiritual if you do not marry. In Matthew 19, verse 12, Jesus said this. He said, there are unix who were born thus from their mother's womb. There are unix who were made unix by men. And there are unix who have made themselves unix for the kingdom of heaven's sake. But he goes on to say, he who is able to accept him, accept it, let him accept it. The word unic, you know, I've been using it and I should probably define it, right? Unic. Unic literally is a bedkeeper. That's what unic is. It is a bed guard, the superintendent of the bed chamber. In the palace of Oriental monarchs who had numerous wives, the unic was a castrated man. So when that word unic is used, it's speaking in terms of an individual who has no relationships with women. In the classic sense of the word unic, it's because he doesn't have the capacity to. He's been castrated. Because if a person was a, we'll say, some very high ranking official, a king, an emperor, he would have a harem. Somebody needed to take care of them as like a bodyguard or to protect them from those who would venture in to try and be with them. So they would take somebody and they would castrate him, which made it impossible for that man to have sexual intimacy. So they were made a unic by men and that's what Jesus is referring to. And so a unic was literally a bedkeeper. Now when Jesus is speaking in Matthew 19, he's speaking of three basic categories of the unmarried. Now notice how he had said, he said, there are some unics who were born thus from their mother's womb. There are some who have been born with certain defects that will keep them from ever being a married individual. They're that way from their mother's womb. They have birth defects. But he also says there are unics who have been made unics by men. There's a whole variety of ways that a person can be made a unic. He can have a physical injury, he could have castration. There are those who become incapable of having relationships because of emotional crippling. There are others who are imprisoned and therefore they can't be with somebody. And what's interesting is you can actually become a unic through bad teaching, which I find very interesting. See Paul said in 1 Timothy chapter 4 verse 3 that one of the things that was going to happen in the last days is there would be those who were forbidding people to get married and they were using that as a doctrine which would make you appear more spiritual because you weren't getting married. So bad doctrine can contribute to you actually being an unmarried person. During the days of Paul there was a cult of Sybil. Sybil was a nature goddess who was worshiped in the region called Asia Minor. Sybil's priests encouraged castration and the priests of Sybil were self-made unics. In other words they castrated themselves because in the cult of Sybil castration was to them a high form of worship. Paul actually makes reference to that in the book of Galatians. In Galatians chapter 5 verse 12 people had begun insisting that Christians be circumcised to be truly saved and when Paul was dealing with that he actually reacted to that and in Galatians 5 12 he said I could wish that those who trouble you would even cut themselves off. So they're coming in and they're saying to you that you need to be circumcised to be saved why don't they go the whole route? If you want to speak concerning people who are dedicated to a cause look at the cult of Sybil. Their priests castrate themselves. So if you want to prove how spiritual you are why stop at circumcision why not castrate yourself. Very strong words from the apostle Paul who wrote 1 Corinthians chapter 13 chapter on love but he loved Jesus and he hated bad doctrine because he knew the bad doctrine cripples and so people can be eunuchs from the womb they could be made eunuchs by men including through bad doctrine but then there are the eunuchs for the kingdom of God they're spiritually gifted to be eunuchs and so as I mentioned a moment ago we may have some unmarried individuals here and I have to learn the proper words today because when I was growing up the word single simply meant unmarried and I know today talking to my kids and their friends and when they use the word single it simply means they're not dating they're unattached but singleness you know using it in the context of the old times being unmarried there are those who are wondering whether or not they should get married or even consider dating I could say this and let me give you some brief advice for those who are unmarried one if you have a desire to get married then I would encourage you to be comforted because God knows your desires and instead of going out there trying to find the one because there's some I've known I've known who've come here for a while looking for the one and they didn't find the one and so they go to another church to find the one you know and then they go to another church to find the one and I'm always wondering if they're looking for the one or the one we got a lot of wands here but I don't know about the one you know they're always looking for place to place church to church Bible study to Bible study because they're going to find that one they're going to walk in and and and suddenly everything is going to get hazy and and they're going to walk in slow motion suddenly and they're going to be birds that are going to be and music and violins and then she'll look at me across this crowded room and I'll look at her and it'll be some enchanted evening and off we go riding on our horse into the sunset I mean they actually get caught up like that and I understand that because when I got saved I knew I wasn't a eunuch I want to get married I've said it before and it's really true I mean my first wedding ceremony was going to be when I was four years old I had a girlfriend named Bernadette Bernadette Archuleta she lived down the street her mama was my mom's one of my mom's dear friends Dulcy and so Bernadette and I were in love at the age of four so I asked her to marry me and she said yes and so she was sewing together a tuxedo for me so that we could get married and I still remember that very well at the age of four I wanted to get married then there was Becky Padilla then there was Sandy Martinez are there all of them oh I mean every year is a new one that's just the way it is none of them none of that was real though I wanted to get married I used to write letters to girls and I'd take songs that I'd heard on the radio and I'd write the lyrics to them I was very romantic I thought I worked at a florist and I used to get free flowers and I would come drop the roses off the baby you know that kind of thing I mean they like the roses they just didn't want to go out with me and and so so I know where with I speak I know that there's inside of many of us this desire to get married this desire to be completed it's nothing wrong with that desire it's a God given one and it's a joy when you actually enter into that covenant it is of course it is but when we are so caught up with wanting to get married that's when we make our biggest mistakes love is patient when you're really in love you're not in a rush this is not to say that you can't meet somebody and know and get married quickly I think Pastor Chuck got married in a few weeks you know he met K bang it's over you know and they've been together 60 some years you know Steve Mays married his wife Gail in a very short time there are quite a number of people who did that and and so I'm you know I'm not one who would say you need to you know date for a year and this and I'm not one I believe that the Lord has his timetable for all of us we just seek him but the problem is is sometimes when you're not thinking through your relationship you can make some bad choices bad decision because you're you're you're running on emotion and you're running on energies that really are not necessarily fueled by wisdom and experience and so I understand and I speak as a married man and I've had people say well you can speak that way because you're married and you're happily married and this and that that ought to qualify me to speak not disqualify me and the fact is is that if you make the mistake of entering into a covenant of marriage with the wrong person that's a lot worse than being by yourself it's a lot worse because you made a vow to God that you would love honor and cherish protect until death do you part and then what you discover that you wake up the next morning there's morning breath and oh my you know oh I have a joke I was going to tell you I decided not to oh I will it's a dumb joke about this guy who fell in love with this opera singer he loved her loved he loved the way she sang and so he fell in love with her and they got married and so it was their their wedding night and he's all excited but when she goes into the room she takes off her wig he didn't know she wore a wig and he's looking at her then she takes out her false teeth and he's looking at her and she starts taking other parts of her body off that he didn't know that she just kind of faceton and she says what's the matter and he just looks and he says sing to me please just sing to me you know I don't know why that came to mind it just did it just did sing please sing don't rush into a relationship wait for the right one as you're waiting for the right one remain pure be the right one for someone else as you're waiting remain active serving the Lord and when you connect with somebody if you're serving the Lord make it a priority that they do too a fourth thing is resist temptation to compromise in any way I really believe that the best thing to do is to wait for God's choice for you to enjoy the Lord and serve God first while you're waiting on him some 37 4 says delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desire of your heart I've said this all of you have heard me if you're new to this fellowship maybe you haven't heard me say this but it's true when I'm teasing with you about wanting to get married in the worst way that's the truth I did I fell in love as easily as anybody in this world could if somebody smiled at me and treated me nice two days in a row I wanted to marry him and so after after making some poor choices in terms of relationships and all and getting saved and coming out of the military and and I was dating a young woman and I led her to Christ and was interested in her not for marriage sake but I just cared about her and then I still remember going to see her at a at a retreat and she broke up with me went back with her old unsaved boyfriend at that point I said to myself this isn't the way it should be you're too anxious you just want to get married you just want relationships you've got to die to yourself and I remember that very well and I remember that I was very saddened by that saddened that it didn't work out but also it was it was one of those steps to freedom because that's when I remembered a prayer that a friend of mine had prayed where he said father put me to sleep to my desires the way you put Adam to sleep and you brought Eve to him as he slept even so would you put me to sleep to my desires and at the proper moment bring the one that you have for me and I prayed that prayer I prayed that prayer and Psalm 37 for was real delight yourself in the Lord he will give you the desire of your heart well the desire of your heart if you're delighting yourself in the Lord is him so it's not like you're using that to try and get something but if the delighting that you're doing is delighting yourself in the Lord then then he becomes all that you need and that's what happened to me and so I prayed my brother got saved my brother needed to be taught a Bible study needed to be discipled I started driving from Norwalk to Ontario for me it was the uttermost parts of the earth I mean you're going off into Ontario who wants to do that but my brother was saved and he needed to be discipled my brother begins to invite friends and then a young woman appears at the Bible study who became well a person who who once she committed to that to the Lord and committed to the study has never been outside of my ministry which was Marie and when she walked into that room there was no you know slow motion kind of thing you know her hair wasn't bouncing slowly she didn't even notice me and I didn't really notice her because I wasn't looking all I knew is that after talking to her at the end of that Bible study the Lord put something in my heart and she wasn't saved but he said you just met your wife and I went the next day I used to be a coach and I was coaching some kids and I said to these kids I met my wife last night I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was it love at first sight no no I wasn't saying I'm in love I'm in love no I was saying I know I know she got saved two weeks later we started dating two months later and from that first date we haven't been apart from one another because she was for me delight yourself in the Lord he will give you the desire of your heart stop hunting for the one and allow the Lord to bring that one to you and if you meet that one serving him all the better because you can continue together to serve him which is what it's all about you see and so when Paul says I wish that you all had what I have he had the gift of singleness celibacy so that he could serve the Lord without any kind of restraint but each one has his own gift you may not have this gift therefore seeing that you have desires to consummate then get married but do so in the Lord don't just marry anybody marry the right one marry that person that you can serve Jesus together marry the person who makes you better than what you were without them what what Marie is with me is she is better than what she would be without me and what I am with her is better than what I would be without her we have made each other better because she has taken of what she has and she's added it to me and I've taken of what I have and I put it in her and together we're better than being apart so the two became one flesh we have combined into a composite unity so it's no longer just David and it's no longer just Marie it's now us and this us is better than me this us makes it better us is always better than me together is always better and that's what happens when you get married to the right person we're going to be looking at chapter 7 next week and looking a little bit further into this we'll close here