 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan Astley of Jonathan Astley.com And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic the two subtle signs There's very subtle signs that a man is falling in love with you Really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button and hit the bell so you can be notified of new content I shoot about three or four videos per week. All right Let's talk about those subtle signs those really really subtle signs that man's falling falling in love with you. Um, I Actually, they're not really that subtle. They are rather obvious But I say they're subtle because oftentimes these are overlooked and so today I want to do a little bit deeper dive into how men Truly fall in love with another human being actually how human beings Genuinely fall in love with each other and what I mean to say is they make a deep commitment to one another Deep commitment to one another. So if you've been following my work, you know, I talk about this Several different authors. I I highly recommend reading books so you can learn the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship And one of the books I recommend frequently is a book called eight dates by dr. John Gottman eight dates by dr. John Gottman Now what I like about John Gottman's work is that he talks about the three phases of love And I've talked about this in other videos But I want to go into two of the phases that really Demonstrates someone is genuinely Really moving towards full commitment with another human being and So one of so that basically the three phases that John Gottman talks about is first We tend to operate from the beginning of wanting our own needs met in relationship wanting our own needs met in fact on some level we're very selfish and I'm gonna even use the word narcissistic in our desires to having our own needs met now I'm not saying narcissistic in the sense of being disingenuous to another human being and lacking empathy Empathy it's just we can be somewhat tunnel vision Tunnel vision and wanting our own needs map. That's the way the process works We're we're trying to fill our own cup up In fact very few people are dating from the premise of like I want to make your life better it's always how can your life make me feel better and I know some of you saying no, I don't operate that way and that's a crock of shit We all kind of operate from a selfish myopic sense Until you actually meet someone that that actually you get excited about you get Enthusiastic about you you find a connection with them you feel that sense of camaraderie you feel that sense of even friendship being built So the two subtle ways and they're not really that subtle it requires paint But and yet it does require work require paying attention is number one is that the person You're with tries to meet your needs in other words. They're genuinely trying to meet your needs So it's first identifying what those needs are, but they're genuinely trying to meet them So I'll give you an example. I was dating a woman years ago right after my divorce and and When I and we started a relationship and I spent time at her house and I noticed that Her favorite bottled water was this brand. I'm not even sure if it even exists anymore Let me know if it does by posting a comment below called Penta or Penta Penta something I think was called Penta water I can't remember now. So if it still exists, please post a comment. So So when she came to visit me, I go, you know what? I know this is her favorite bottled water So I went and bought a six pack so that was in my refrigerator So when she came to visit over the weekend, she had her favorite bottled water in the fridge and And you know quite frankly, she may or may not I mean she was very grateful and she noticed But that was my way of saying you matter to me you I care about you I'm falling in love with you because I'm trying to meet your needs Your and this also requires being present and paying attention So there was a level of I paid attention and then I went the effort To wanting to meet her needs at least having her favorite bottled water That was a sign that I really cared about her. That's a sign that I really wanted to explore a deeper relationship with her Now let me just be clear for this illustration. I wasn't ready for a relationship at that time I was a total train wreck after my divorce. Oh my god. I was such a mess and thankfully she actually knew that She even said I'm dating you with rose color glasses because you're a mess Jonathan But to this day, she's still the one woman that actually on some level I you know this this was 15 years ago that still holds a special place in my heart because I was falling in love with her I just wasn't ready We can talk about that in another video and you and you're welcome to ask me questions about that Because if I we lean into the second sign That someone is genuinely falling in love with you is when your partners needs become your needs And your partner's needs become your needs and let me give me an example And I've shared this in previous videos I was in a significant relationship some years back and while we weren't able to fully go the distance I Genuinely was in love with this person. I cared about them and one of the things she did was every time we went out to dinner She wanted to yelp the restaurant and at first it used to bug the heck out of me because I'm like I could care less Let's just go to the restaurant, but she wanted to read the reviews and read about it And at first it kind of bugged me because I didn't want to do that but then I started to see the value of reading it because you get a sense of the place and then eventually I She didn't even need to ask. I literally began doing it because her needs Became my needs and that's the second subtle piece is your partner's needs become your needs and That's a true demonstration of actually leaning towards commitment falling in love with someone First you want to meet their needs and then your need their needs become your needs and by the way This is a reciprocal kind of thing Fact if you're not familiar with the book the partnership charter I'm going to show this book the partnership charter what I love about this. This is a business book But it talks about how to be in an effective partnership with one another and I really love that even though it's a business book It's got great insight to apply to relationships the partnership charter I highly recommend reading it in conjunction with eight dates and of course in conjunction with my book What the heck is self-love anyway? Which talks about how to get your needs met in a relationship You definitely want to check out my book what the heck is love love anyway There's a link below in the description to get a copy self-love the book In fact, if you've been interested in wanting to work with a coach and you've been curious to see if Working with a coach is right for you. Check out the link below to schedule a free discovery call It's there to see if working together is really a good fit for both of us All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job Then bear a hug of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to somebody and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a fabulous day. Bye. Bye now