 So, up until recently, I have worked really hard my entire life to keep a secret. And the secret, more or less, is that I constantly am fighting a series of ticks and twitches that I can't perfectly or even imperfectly control. I imagine that these ticks and twitches come partly from my diverse neurology, and I imagine they come partly from some significant childhood trauma experiences, but I've spent more or less every moment of my life trying to hide them. I have dermatillomania, which means I pick at my own skin, I pick at my fingers with my teeth. I do this until I bleed and I can't stop myself. I do it in the most inappropriate and embarrassing of times and it's awful. I shake, not just a little bit, but I shake a lot. My hands shake, my legs are always shaking, my head's shaking. I am moving constantly, not just a little bit, but I am moving all of the time and I have a really hard time ever stopping myself. And I have a really unfortunate verbal tick that just comes out in the most inappropriate times. I suppose it's a good tick because it's a kind one, but I talk about love and marriage when I don't intend to. I am just walking down the street or in the middle of a conversation or alone in the car and all of a sudden I love you and I want to marry you and they're beautiful and you're beautiful and I want to marry you and I want to be married and I can't stop myself from saying it. I wish I could stop, I can't. But as I said my whole life I've been keeping this secret because I haven't wanted anyone to know and by anyone more or less I mean anyone. And I've gotten really good at keeping this secret. I learned over time that I could just simply run a script in my head to stop myself from chewing on my fingers. Well, stop myself isn't true, but to slow myself from chewing on my fingers. So I can just stand there and run a script in my head. Don't chew them. Don't do it. Don't chew them. Don't do it. Don't chew them. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. And the moment I stop running the script there in my mouth I've learned to stop the twitches and the shaking by simply holding myself tight. Every muscle in my body starting with my toes I hold them in and then I hold in my feet and I hold in my legs and I hold in my body and I simply don't move. And I simply hold it all in whether I'm sitting on the plane next to you for four straight hours or whether we're in a business meeting or whether I'm sitting on the couch. I am holding myself in trying so hard not to shake and telling myself not to chew my fingers. Don't chew your fingers. Don't chew your fingers. Now stopping the verbal tick is something that took me a long time to figure out, but I did. I figured out a way to keep that little part of my brain busy so I was less likely to do it and I did this by counting numbers. It's weird, but it worked for me. So from a pretty young age I'd learned that if I just started counting numbers it would keep that part of my brain busy and I got really good at it. So I would take a number like 31 and I would just add it, 31, 62, 93, 124, 155, 186, 217, 248, 279, 310, 341, 372 and it would keep that part of my brain busy and I wouldn't do it and that's all I would have to do. I would just have to hold myself incredibly tight all of the time and tell myself not to chew my fingers, not to chew my fingers, not to chew my fingers and then just simply add a number in my head and I would come across and look perfectly normal, just like everybody else, but a huge part of my bandwidth at all time is being taken up in order to do this. I always knew that dark was the right place for me. I always knew that being in the back of a dark closet was a really good place for me or that really amazing spot in between two mattresses where it's nice and dark and you feel warm. I always knew that was the right spot for me. So, flow tanks in many ways seem to make a lot of sense, but it also made no sense at all because it's a completely inhospitable environment for someone like me, you can't be shaking in that water nonstop and I was told that you have to be silent the entire time, which means I can't be talking out loud in my constant outdoor voice and most important of all I simply can't be taking my ripped apart bleeding fingers and putting them in the salt water, but I wanted to go really bad. So Float Center opened up in my town of Evanston, Illinois and there's an absolutely amazing couple that opened it. Their names are Jillian and Marlin. It's a two tank float center. They also do massage there and they curate those two float rooms like nothing else. Marlin cares so much and I have a really special relationship with them that they don't even know that we have. Part of this relationship is so special because the first time I went there and I sat there with Jillian in the room, I told her right there and then that I have this verbal tick. Jillian didn't realize it, but when I told her, she became one of the very first people in the whole world that I ever said that secret allowed to. And one thing about secrets like that is when you tell them it pricks a balloon and all of a sudden it takes a lot of tension out and it makes that tick even less likely to happen the next time. But that was only a year ago and I wasn't even smart enough to know that then. I was just telling Jillian this out of self-protection so I wouldn't be mortified and embarrassed when I'm lying in the middle of the dark yelling that I want to get married. What I found in the float center was everything that I had imagined. I found true dark and true dark is really special. And I also found the feeling of my body relaxing, of all of those muscles in my body starting to relax and come undone. I did find the feeling of my fingers hurting, but the truth of that is it's a spectrum between 10 seconds and about 3 minutes before that pain is gone and it's no problem, it's worth it. And there I am and as I'm in this float tank now time after time after time again I realize that I am feeling my body relax and I realize that in my time in there these scripts are getting shot off. I'm not counting numbers, I'm not telling myself to stop chewing on my fingers. I'm not shaking, the water is still, something's happening, I don't know what. But I'm finding slowly the tools to slow down. And I'm also learning that the secret to slowing these ticks isn't in holding myself in but is actually in letting myself go. So what I found in the float tank was more or less my own thoughts without having my bandwidth entirely directed to adding numbers and holding myself in and telling myself what to do and what not to do. I started to open up bandwidth that I simply never had before and started to open up thinking that I never had before and really started to dramatically see the way I saw myself as different than I ever had before. So importantly what I found in the float tank was a far better way of starting to control my uncontrollable ticks but even more importantly what I found in the float tank was permission to not have to control them at all. Thanks so much.