 Make sure you click the link to subscribe to my YouTube channel and also click the notifications button to be notified for when my next podcast goes live. You can also follow me on my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest is. I hope you enjoy this week's episode. Thank you. Boom! We're on! By day's guest we've got the scheme star Marvin. Heo arby brawdo! I'm good, it's nice to meet you. Hi it's nice to meet you, first of all mate just thanks for coming on the show. The headlines over the last 10 years mate, you were in a show called the scheme which one aba after was watched by millions over in the UK. They shot you into a bad stardom where everybody get to recognise you. And if I'm honest, the documentary or the series or whatever it was, it made you look fucking nuts. It didn't put Commander in a good light, it made you look like the fucking idiots. It made you look like Commander was riddled with junkies and it was badness, but... That's it. You're still here, mate. You're still here to tell the tale. You're clean. You're out of jail. That's it. How have you been? Lately things have been good. Things have started to look up for me. I've met a good lassie at my age, Sharon Coehr-Draen. She's been dating me. She's been feeling me, as we've still come along today. The stigma that's stuck with me for that is unbelievable. They approached me. O'r glasgabogau o'r llwyddiad. Yn ymgyrch yn ymgyrch, ond yn ymgyrch. Felly, mae'n rhaid i'r cyffredin. Felly, mae'n rhaid i'r ffordd yn ymgyrch. Felly, mae'n rhaid i'r ffordd, ond mae'n rhaid i'r ffordd. Mae'n rhaid i'r ffordd, ond mae'n rhaid i'r ffordd. Mae'n gyffredin, sy'n gyffredin a'n gyffredin. Felly, yda'r rhagl. Yn ymddech chi, mae'n dweud yma, mewn ddim yn gweithio. Felly, mae'n dweud i'r cyffredin. Felly, mae'n ddechreu, gw holdiau. Mae'n ymddechrau i'r ffordd yw ymddechrau. Endyn nhw er byw eich felly. Yna, ychydig. Ychydig ei ddweud i'r lefelau. Yn ymddech chi, mae'n rechidion i mi. Bydd hi'n gangbwys byddwn speall sydd gennym ar y bobl yn ddweud. Llasia was wearing the programme. The scheme, aye. She, the scheme had a rang to say that Marvin is reuniting with a girlfriend. They had never met Llasia before in my life. So Llasia was just, I can say her name can't I, I'd Dana. So the scheme will touch on that. So in 2010 what was your life like before, how bad were you on the drugs then? I was not bad on the drugs then. I actually had a good lifestyle. I had that good lifestyle. My mum had entrust it. See my mum's youngest brother. She can have raised his youngest son. See that was like, he's my wee cousin but he's been raised as my wee brother. So I actually entrusted him to come and stay with me if he was 13. So in May I couldn't have been that bad. I wasn't taking heroin that's for sure. I was taking methadone. Sometimes I was taking a wee bit extra methadone. But my house was spotless. My house, my life was stable. I was kind of my ballsing time. I was buying shopping. I was buying many wee man. Every month we would go shopping. I would get him a tracksuit, get myself a tracksuit. And in between that we would get t-shirts and stuff. My man was dressed and pressed. I made sure he was looking well. So when you got the, how did the scheme come about then? How did you end up on that? Because you were the star of that show. Obviously it didn't share using a good light. It didn't. It gave you a platform and it, whether it's, you're listening you're still here to tell the tale. It didn't, it made you look fucking daft. It made anybody if you come on look daft. It made the place look like a shite hole. So how did that come about for you? How did that, how do you say that? They were making another programme, this production team. A female friend of mine had phoned me and asked me if I'd go down and keep her company while the videos, the commuting video da. So I just quickly put on a tracksuit at that. A pair of sunglasses, he's done my hair in the room with the dog. Billet, household name, that became. Everybody knew that dog. Dogs are your best friend man. I trust dogs all humans any day of the week. I've got a picture of me saying my best dog, so I'm messing with all my heart. With your heart? Aye, aye. But I'm medding with an Erwin, an Erwin dog so much. So hopefully we get one, we get one. It's good that you're tiffing all that fix now on all man. You're clean which is the main thing. So when you went out to that lassie's house for this documentary, what made the mask you to go on it? The commer start is speaking to me. I don't know if it was a fact that I realised that I've got one of the biggest families in the area I stay in. Her words were she found me interesting. Do you think she'd cause you were dabbling at that time? I don't know if it was that, because I engaged in conversation with her and I was banning with her. She might have thought that somebody here that will play the game she might have thought she had a mug here that she would be able to pull her strings. Macgillor bought you that and fell for a shite. The guy that was our partner, this guy could talk the wallpaper off your wallet honestly. I kid you not man, honestly. He just buttered you up when you fell for it. I fell for it. I fell for it. He didn't even need a cast. Honestly. The time came when she explained what the programme was supposedly to be about. They told me it was to be about the term young teenagers for making the same mistakes I had made. At that time I had a load of young cousins and a load of young, my wee cousins piles on that that came about because my young man was teasing me. He always would come in and I'd say I've got to stay up like straight off when I need to go and let them go. I felt it was a safer environment for them to be sitting in my back than to be sitting in a park. I just totally manipulated the situation so they told us it was totally different. It was the favourite it was going to be. So on the scheme it was six families followed everybody about. There was a boys on that documentary they were injecting heroin on camera. I couldn't believe that. I could not believe it. Did you know how big it was going to be? I didn't have an idea. I didn't even know it was going to be more than one part. One half programme on my baby C2 late at night or something. I didn't think it was going to take care of me. I was like, man, I was putting my reviews on these things. Did it fucking you were everywhere after that? People need to understand that. As much as we can laugh, I remember watching it if I'm honest I think look at the fucking state of them. But you've still got to take into consideration that somebody's son or daughter, or friend that are going through hard times and there's something that triggers that after getting into these addiction issues. It's difficult, especially getting shot on your ass as well, getting their attention. Do you think in your life did you get own drugs more after the show? I barred. I barred after that. I'd been attacked three times after it. And now three times as you can see if it scars on my face due to the attacks. I was certain before he did some metal object that cracked a cyanobone in my head. Luckily when I got to the hospital there was a surgeon for Glasgow and they were able to do keel surgery or else it could have went a different way. And I was also attacked in the middle of a shopping centre at one in the morning and I mean five guys luckily my pal turned back. I'd walked him to the taxi rank and he turned back and it was all because three laches had asked for a picture when I'm getting my picture with him. There's two at this side, one at that side. The one at the inside here was carrying on. Puts a leg here in front of my legs and then next step away and the next thing went out and he'd do something. My pal had a feeling something was going to happen so he's come back and I didn't realise how badly he'd been caved in. So I've got up where they're attacking him now and out of that I went to help families that nod you should write yourself home and get an ambulance phone. I went home and I went to get my sponge. I started the sponge and started to sleep at six o'clock in the morning and the police had to put the door in to the ambulance service because they'd followed me on CCTV or the way you run. But it makes it worry why they took the phone to six o'clock if they followed me and seen me with a heat injury if they took five hours from me to bring an ambulance service. If that would be mean didn't happen at all. At that time there was no line and it was probably still in the centre. On your first episode as well did you get the jail or did you have warrants? See that was the thing they said that I was out running chasing the dung that was lies that was made up. See the one where there was a bit of a day where they had an altercation in the town and I was striking my money after and I had the azipam on me and somebody phoned the police because I was having a wee bit of an argument and the police came and searched me and got me the azipam and I got I got bailed at first because it was my first drugs charge and when I'm back up for it I end up getting nine months and then then it's just been drug dealing after drug dealing and sentence after sentence. How did you get treated in the jail after the scheme? Oh it was an email at first. Was it? It was just the boys didn't mean any harm I was just answering the same questions air and air and air and air again what did you make after that? I bit you there a bit but how did you get on it? Still with Dana where's bullet? What's the jicket pay for doing that documentary? I didn't get paid one penny So you didn't get a penny for doing that? I'm about to pay for this and for the reason the show was getting done I was quite happy to date for nothing so I was but if I'd known that showing in that light then I'd have been looking for a right shoe on a grand Oh easy easy man So the people who made that documentary the day contacts after it did they show you footage before they went out or did you just get total through right under the fucking right under the grenade man? Spoke to me on my phone once and then I heard that one a Scottish BAFTA Were you at the BAFTAs now? I happened to be in prison in prison at the time and they said if I had been there I would have been the man I would have been the man obviously I'm the jail so I'm the man I've been baited One of the other stars of the show was the Doug Bullitt clearly that was a big part of yourself How did that come about with the relationship with the Doug? Man he bought them for one of my young twin cousins there was a she bought them each and the one that Bullitt was bought for he wasn't a walkman as much because he was a wee bit taller he wanted to be perfect still kept it high and then he didn't get the looking he was a wee bit taller so he was but man he offered me a man to come and he never looked back he had them for seven years I had them for and then by what happened then I was looking after our man's wee dog at the time and stopped looking after Bullitt and let him run out the house and he just no faffy where we lived there was a main road and he got hit by a car and he took it a prosthetic leg and because he stressed it with a cause though on his leg and the injuries and the amount of people that were stopping because when I was walking I mean I couldn't walk here to how many years we had maybe four or five cars stopping my way and as I got out and some grown, sometimes adults didn't get a photo of the dog but it's none of the even me I was to step back and they wanted to pet the dog because they could see he was friendly and I it was my pride and joy, it was a big loss to me that break your heart it didn't and I was getting all that crap through the side of my door in a jail and I wheeled Bullitt and now the dog was away I wasn't going to see him again but I was the first time I went in after the programme they weren't a fan mail I was last he was asking me I was just inherited a a big house out in the middle of the country in Muir End, I had my house in Muir End and I went out in the country to come and stay with me so then I'm due the tag and there's a picture of Dana in the paper making bagging up heroin so my tag's out of the window so I phoned this last of the glass because I've been keeping in contact with she's like why don't you get a tag to Marvin I was like this is your kid knowing she's like no, so she's got it up in for a tag to Mount Vernon and right up there How'd you do? I just went out in the jail so your life after it Marvin because you were in a few hundred grand how was your life once it all finished did you make a crust after it? I made money after what kind of stuff were you doing? appearances at birthday parties stag those much were you getting? 500 at a birthday party 10 years ago 10 years ago I got £1,500 for the stag to that was got a teeny part to enjoy myself and I had a steward walking in front of me keeping it away from me so I felt quite celebrity but you were a household name everybody out there there was banners everywhere island but I was touched by the fact that there was banners saying I love billy I've had some high profile guests on there I've just confirmed that well we were just coming on and then we put you on that you were coming on last night you've had more comments and more likes you've had thousands of likes and thousands of comments for you every guest I've had you've had the most attention so you have, it's mad? well the paper has contacted me as well they said that they've had thousands and thousands of letters wanting to know how I end up taking drugs and also wanting to know if there's going to be a happy ending with me and Dana I definitely know to that but how I end up in drugs was my own curiosity and then addiction doesn't discriminate doesn't if you bear it's no racist it's no sexist and it can grab anybody it's a disease and that's what people need to understand it is, it's an illness and I started to have 10 exalata but then I went to a stage where I absolutely despised it but to feel normal I had to take it because you were so used to it and that's why you're on the show today because we've been speaking for the last few weeks you speak very well it doesn't matter what you've done in your past you're trying to change your life now we've spoke about the the drug related deaths in Scotland have risen 30% you know about drugs yourself you fucking took them for long enough but you're back to your meetings you're trying to get a book wrote as well you even want another documentary made to kind of put the facts straight and also talk about your life now which is again as long as you can keep on a straight and narrow opportunities will they will come I would elite them to have touched on my childhood I would elite them to have touched on me growing up, she going through school now because I was a good footballer now as well service so how was it at school for you then? I was clever I had up there that so frustrating my parents my sister she done great for herself right she has done really well I don't want to say too much about her because she's got a good career but she worked hard for it she had to study hard it just came to me answered at school and then I would finish my work and then I'd sit and ping the person in front of me with a ruler throw a chewing gum at the folks and I just for a laugh but I didn't realise at the time that I was holding football just because I had finished my work didn't mean that they didn't need a bit more time now that I'm holding I realise that so how was it that you stepped down your ma when you went after heels when you started getting right on the drugs you never had broke both her hearts they're still heart broken to this day a lot of my mom's eyes it was my stepdad 60 a couple of weeks ago and the fact that I was there clean they were they were just my sister phoned me after and my sister she acts quite hard to her she says she's seen my big brother back she's seen my big brother back and I immediately started crying I'm sad for her my sister she started crying she's like I need to come off the phone now she was actually breaking her heart to her side and then it was comments coming for the tech season we were so proud of you just keep going the way you're going you know it's it's no perfection it's progress it's one day at a time that was my problem before I used to be looking ahead and want everyone the more I yesterday I know I just need to take it one day at a time because if I look too far ahead then my head could get the anxiety kicks in and then the pressure goes shit I've fucked up with my life but it doesn't matter who you're having today nearly every podcast anybody can change mate we've all get passed we've all get passed and you're a soft soul man I say a lot of sensitivity I say a lot of vulnerability with yourself you're a good guy we spoke for the last few weeks and I know you've made hundreds of mistakes mate same as myself you'll continue to make mistakes but you must learn from this time and how many times have you said to your mom that this is the last time and this is the last time I'm put to jail and bang so it's not the day that your sister's the day with you only person it's sad but fuck everybody else you need to concentrate on you and keep yourself right because actions speak louder than words we can talk a lot of shit we can butter people up I've done it for years through the gambling I fanied everybody up in my chat made everybody laugh and feel good but I always had an angle because I wanted money I've always wanted something I had a mind agenda just that I'm like to get engaged to Sharon before Christmas and hoping to get married next year there you go, Sharon is putting it right on you mate I mean I love the last few bits I love all my hair so what's the plans for you then so going forward for this day now if we're going forward what do you want to achieve it's easy to get a job it's not easy for me at all because of who you are that programme portrayed me my dad's self-employed and he's got a business he could quite easily have me out a bit of a canny because he's in a trusted way who she's worth about a quarter of a million sometimes and it actually hurts him that he canny take me out it seems he's got a wee pine in him he says I should be sitting back now and you should be running a business for me because he's been self-employed all my life he's never ever in fact one second I've never worked for a double glazing company but that was that apart from that he's always been self-employed never ever sat back and it's as I say he's 60 there so it's time to give him a rest I've had enough here I've had 20 a unit constant and it's how long you've been up? I've had it myself, I've had it for them but that's a start to seeing showing the name that you've got a twink on your eye that you're one to change but again you've got to show it you know what I mean? to speak louder than words and you will have opportunities arise for yourself do you know what I mean? even though I that fucking document that doesn't do any favours but it still gave you a platform you can utilise that to your advantage I gave my platform that time to talk every weekend for 18 months how was it though getting money, did you think because you were getting so much money and attention did you dabble meron to drugs? no it didn't it took me away for drugs because I was enjoying the life going out to socialise the mere sociable dudes dancing clubs and that I loved it I'll be honest that time I loved that I just lived a life a misery a misery and to that I keep an eye on my younger because to make sure he didn't do that and then have you ever rode eid marf? how many times? I was in a coma for five days so I was God knows my mum said I had a pocket for him four days before and I just kept swalling him and I grabbed my stepdad and fell put the radiator off the wall the hyv is a block way honestly I had the diamonds for what the block way are for me so I just wanted to give him a bit of black no I don't mean materially I just wanted to give him a bit of peace I might what about he says you were only mef for the last 17 years do you think you ever came af that? I'm no going to be an old man it's no danger but it's no going to happen in the right away future I want to get myself proper stable then I'll reduce it slowly because I've seen pals dating too quick then I follow them back on the gear again chasing the prescription I don't like that but I do want to be complete abstinence so I can get through the steps because you've got your meetings now which is a good thing it's good to see you then I'm genuinely rooting for you as much as people can look for the outside and think it judge you for that show you're a good guy man I'm not the worst people need to understand me you've got addiction problems you day steal, you day lie, you day cheat I just done it in a more glorified way because I always kind of looked at part I was never so deep with the brown but just because I wasn't it doesn't justify it I've had many addictions with the gambling I did was lying cheat for fucking years mate I told that many lies you believe you're in shit I became so fucking good at it because I always kept myself semi normal looking always kept myself decent I filled everybody I pulled the wheel of the rides but we all make mistakes and for anybody trying to judge or that I've always had a bit of a problem my weight so meeting drugs is it what's the skinnest you've ever been I'm six feet five and I've been ten stone so you're about fucking three stone all under but I came out to jail there I was fourteen and a half and just a wee bit I was a wee bit of a bender when I first came out so where did you get to jail for what was your last sentence there drug dealing the last ten years three sentences four sentences for one for possession and two one for possession one for Diageblam and 10 supply and two for classes and it's a high jump so there's name here there's name here drug dealing I'm looking at a bigger in the next thing see when you get put inside Mav do you dabble because you can't handle the fact that you're fucking up when you fact that you're putting in more instead of through that worry when I'm in there it's obviously I don't know he takes a much in the jail I usually like a job on the ring because I like cleaning when I'm always cleaning you got OCD to the max that's just through it's funny mate because people look at junkies or ex junkies or addicts and they think dirty bastards it's funny the majority of the hooses are fucking spotless they're really flat spotless listen I've had piles of addicts and family members and you still make sure their hoose was spotless everyone in my flat is fucking in the middle of that no expecting that it's better to walk into a den they canvases up and we scatter and we runners across the boat in the bed I was talking to Yeller and I was saying that Scott Brown in Kearn Tairnay Scott Brown had a trachio and somebody cut a photo up and put your photo and started to say don't wear a trachio Scott Brown put it on his Instagram that's class man you done that? that's class because it's early man but even you're still getting spoke about to this day do you know what I mean it's good mate I'm glad you're telling your story so for the other people who were in the documentary who's alive and who's dead do you know that's one of the one of the the young boys Steven he was all it wasn't through drugs or anything like that it wasn't drugs I I don't know this I think they knew there was a chance that he would die at a young age but he was 23 years old it was a sad time to see how he died at that age anybody at that age to go sad do you look back at that and do you have regret or do you think do you know what I did it and it's well I did regret it for a couple of years but it's done now so if I don't regret I'm just going to keep going back anyway so I was acting days I moved forward and trying to make positives instead of taking all the negatives because then they say it was to help the younger ones but clearly it never it glorified it so now you're only straight and narrow I want something to put it out there that's opposite where you should go what's the longest you've been clean since you were 19 8 months and I came out to turn around and that was just meth I paid for him in the jail so you tried to get into Phoenix House I tried to get in unfortunately Ayrshire for some reason don't pay the funding everywhere else was getting offered it me and another boy got to showering about they told me that my enthusiasm was they could see that I was more than willing that they could tell I wanted to have it I fitted the criteria and there was a bendy of me I got a three week extension in the detox place and then the coordination man I came and put him at the side and I could tell he had a sad look in his face and he'd put the other boy before it and he was kind of chirpy with him and I see what they were not me bad or something but it wasn't it it was just doing this with you Phoenix House is to get you after meth as well they'll take you they'll take you on a certain amount and then the detox you and for there you moved to I think it's six weeks in the detox book and then they moved you on to a bit where it's we are just trying to get used to life with it any and at all I mean a life with abstinence and then after and all and all you're in the complex for six months but then there's resettlement flats next day as well if you want a change you want to move because you've been in commandment majority of your life it's hard being in a place where you're so used to it and always bad habits can slip up would you ever move from here I mean I've spoken about it really seriously spoke about it and they're actually a bit having a look for somewhere up in Glasgow just a clean slate man I mean that's what they both need and how do people treat you in commandment do you still get that attention there's no day passes I don't get a couple of calls stop and it's usually it's usually guys stop a photo and you've got folks going by sharing obscenities do you get abuse now okay this well thanks how does that make you feel? low because they don't even know me take five minutes to get to know me when I first started going with Sharon we were walking into a certain street anyway and somebody in New York said really Sharon Marvin Baird and I they all made a kick time but I didn't I just said I waited till I was right below and I said you don't know me I said take half an hour to sit with me because everybody that does says oh you're totally different from what I expected you to be you're not in light with it it's just better to sit down with and they're heath bit popular it's mad it's because you've got that label it's gone a bunch of sticks as well it's hard to get a folk to believe it when you tell a folk you're that's me I'm trying it's as if there's no way to give you encouragement because a year later it's just what a jail this is bro what a jail this is maybe if you're cleaning it I actually did something in my life see what happens as Marvin see when you want to change people root for you because what happens is you're not above them yet so when you want to change people root for you and you want to start taking over them then that's when the bitterness and anger starts because what you start doing is shining a light in their life that they're no they're no fucking jitter like that I was to start I was to grow in every sector in Scotland right where I sat on the MP who had no mention because because I'd elapsed I'd been half everything here for a while I'd put a good bit of weight and I'd been asked if I would go round and speak to 3rd and 4th years and I was brilliant I was ace, ran my pals came in one that you haunt me a bit so he gave it to me as a wee child and then banged it to a fly photo and I fell out like a sinker for it and I'd been half it for five or six months no even born last but I thought photo for me and got no interest in it at all and then that but you've got to ask yourself is that really pals is that really pals because a couple of months later he came and tried it on me than that there's a guy who's on the podcast called Dan Penn and he says show me your friends and I'll show you your future so it's changed your life it's a fucking lonely journey well I've got my cousin because when you start saying I'm going to do this or even coming on here the day or you're going to go down to schools people don't want to see you telling your story or doing well we don't want to see in your feet because your success will start shedding a light on theirs and it will start getting them better and getting jealous this is a society we're in but you still need to stay through it yourself we're going to let it set me back because you have got massive opportunities out there in the next 6 months, next year if you stay clean because let's face it mate I'm going to bonus and they can't want to nobody believes that you're going to get yourself to drop me because I've been saying it for long enough but that should give you the fucking determination that's just going to make me that and really I really want to give my mum and dad a break so I do I want to give myself a break and then more than a couple of years ago and see this year I've had 4 chest infections this year already 4 chest infections this year already so it's my health it's my health any holes in your liver your kidneys are nothing like that what was your go-to drug at your worst the smac, phallium what was the message you took in a day 80 to 100 didn't know what plan that was on didn't know what plan that was on it's a central nervous system that has as well it slows the breathing down and I'm already doing meth though and it's slowing the breathing down and after the pneumonia I could have I think that's how that last sentence I spent most of my heat because I know that it was my health it wasn't just like losing family keeping me away and knowing a girlfriend and things like that it was my actual when I had pneumonia pneumonia set me to shock in multiple organ failure my heart stopped I had to get the defibrillators at the 13 years of working on my research to keep me alive so it touched home then that was September 2017 I got to jail 8 weeks later so you're in the jail thinking man I could die in here as well because at first I was in the two kids when I first went in and then I just started eating well when I came out the heaviest I've ever been I was wearing fitted tapps I was following them Do you look back and think you're lucky you're still here? I for the drugs I have to some people are here they have to they were near the amount of drugs I have to they've lost their lives so what you've got to look at that is you're here for a purpose you're here for a reason your misery and pain can be somebody else's book a fucking how to help and hope so you can talk about your fuck ups your jail your addictions the people you've lost if you can say this is where I was if you've got all photos of yourself nearly dead in the jail and then showing yourself two or three years later there was a guy who I used to speak to and we'd done a homeless document to a guy called Charlie Charlie was on the ground for 30 years the guy changed his life and now he's helping homeless people changed his life man I know a lot of people that are from my way the run the CA meetings not about my way and they were I used to use with them they were on about it for way before I was now they're high in life you can see it they're bubbling you're just saying I want some of that but to get there it's difficult change isn't easy Marvin you look at people anybody with addiction problems watching them now you've got to dig deep nobody's coming to fucking save you it can't be mind how you're difficult when spending all the years I've spent in jail watching people coming to trying slash me can't it be much more difficult than that no it's mental because I went to a drug test done a couple of weeks ago a drug test done I don't know I was feeling kind of anxious this day and I was sitting to see that I was trying I said honestly I said I think I take seizures every so often I said what the fuck she says why I said I don't know I said I think I need Valium and she's done a drug screen and she's like it's a bit of a last thing because the doctor advised me until I see a neurologist to take one or two when I'm feeling like this and I said I took two two days ago and she sat there hanging down in front of me and I was negative and she says your shoulders went back she says in you my phone man there isn't a chain so there's like a light bulb moment for you and that sort of I'm it's my heath there number one man I mean is it is my heath right to tell me is it just boredom kicking in is it my heath right to say I know what I can do once but I'm not going to let it the difference now is I take a minute to think I've never thought of a consequence before you come selfish when you've got addictions that's the first thing that's a good thing to touch on if you've got the deal listen I think about gambling I think about getting mad about it I think about just going a mad shagging spreme and just fucking everything and just getting mad about the weekends and just fucking with your selfish because everything has consequences everything has that ripple effect where who else are you hurting when you date that's what it's dirty that's what it's dirty in the detox place that many heed injuries my memory is bad as well but you could lose it and it starts off and then it was a ripple effect my family society bringing down the area and before I knew it it was a circle this size about 10 inside it no that means my use is not just affecting me it's affecting everybody around you everybody around me the good thing is the good thing is now you're identifying it if I dare to say a because if you take one valium let's face it you're going to be 30 deep fucking back to jail next week and you're sitting here the noon talking about you want to change and you want to help other people in school if you're in the news paper on 3-1 people are just going to go anew so you need to find that fire and dig deep and go do you know that fuck everybody else I'm just going to prove me right I'm going to prove me right this time that I can change that I can better my life and I can give people hope a lot of people who are sitting with you who are sitting in that position who are watching this who's got major addiction problems and they don't think I can any change but anybody can I can, I've seen people change I've never in my life thought I've never far worse than I've ever was and now they're honestly they're powers in our community so they're now a big pal Jed Neil as well who had on the podcast absolutely flying he's not he's not I'm still a wee bit that nervous when I'm talking I tend to get her hands and jump but he was so confident I could tell he's just educated he's just doing yoga and breathing techniques and all the natural things that you don't take externally whatever you're taking a thing to kind of to stop your thought process because we don't want to feel that pain and hurt that we've caused everybody but there comes a time we need to pull the reins and go fuck it I'm taking responsibility I have done a lot of bad but I can't change it your past is called your past for a reason it's about fucking concentrating on it now and shooting yourself into the future you can write but first of all most of all you prove yourself right when you went out that documentary as well what were they thinking then they only knew wee bits and bars what I told them what I thought it was going to be did anybody try to stop you for doing it no because it was didn't think it was going to be what it was I thought it was going to be I thought it was going to be half an hour hang on BBC2 two in the morning before it was UK unbelievable sorry it was laughing mate but there was boys on that who spoke about it earlier on Jectonman it's nasty why they would want to show that people are there they don't give a fuck about you they're trying to create a show and everybody watched that including myself I was trying to write it in because what happens is people go and speak about that the next day and I go you fucking joking that's the topic and then that sticks for the rest of your lives did you have a contemplate suicide or anything Marvin? no never too much to live for well done good because a lot of people can get that attention especially the amount of drugs that was getting used to go this is becoming too much it's never take that road out never have my family through that they've been through too much for me to go and take these out are you on licence or anything now? I've got December December that's me clear everything then hopefully get after meth if anybody's watching if you get an email address to anyone anybody can contact me or social media facebook marmabere79atgmail.com for anybody interested in making a documentary or marvins want to write a book it's an interesting story to contact so for now and then you try to get out of command you want to get engaged I've been looking on a lot of that today so this will keep me busy through this a time where I need to get busy a time where I need to get busiest what do you look back now if your life is new at age 39? 49 fall bastard you fucking 40 at age you used to 60 so looking back on your life marvins what do you think about it? eh I had a great life as a youngster great life holiday every year great christmas always dressed in the best always dressed in the best then then I had a rough time and I've had a good fortune after I got picked up by a couple of ages and then I came down here for an outstanding child I was booted up for two years every weekend I came down here for an outstanding no being a community service I had sick lines for every individual day that I had been there the lawyer threw them to the side the lawyer went to I was moving on the lawyer up in Glasgow so he threw the sick lines to the side because he didn't know he was there he got me in jail I don't care what he says he got me in jail deliberately that day because he didn't know what he was doing as a client did you have a lot of people use you after the scheme a lot of people tried a lot of people tried but fortunately I had people there in front of me to stop that if it was happening because there was an air production the team tried to approach me while I was stying in Clyland and they were asking me I stole that idea from me so I was right how would you feel if you thought I was like that because there were a few a lot of heavies and I found my agent and he sent a couple of bodies through and it was about it good and for coming on today mate and telling your story is there anything you'd like to finish up on just that the same dude there that is interested in letting me my story in paper for people to pick up and read then contact me because we've only touched on Facebook because we've only touched on a very small percentage of stuff I just wanted to show people that you're in a good place you're getting your head straight you're out of jail you've got your teeth fixed you know it's fucking bad you know it's fucking bad as people make it but mud sticks and it's going to take you don't need to prove everybody wrong you only need to prove yourself wrong and clearly that you've got a soft spot for your family that's what my mum says she's doing this for real reasons she's sending attention I want people to know that it was not a day of childhood that's the addiction that doesn't discriminate she's like but at the end it matters to you at the end it matters to you knows that you'll know a hoe or a bam they know you can hold a conversation they know you love your family at the end it matters to you knows you it matters to you to be honest I didn't know your background stories for me looting in and judging it would probably be that you're my endeavours had addiction problems addiction problems in my family I know that anyway it doesn't matter you're upbringing but that's me judging and that's me probably thinking he's probably came for a broken home it's crazy in it with a beautiful house there's 13 years between me and my sister see before my sister was born I'd have a game dream in my house a spare room was a game dream I had a pill table a computer, a dart ball I was quite rotten to be honest that was maybe the wrong but do you know what everything you've been through and I believe opportunities will arise I'm all rooting for you mate I genuinely believe that you can sign the path whatever I can do to help me you know you've got my back in for you and shallow for the future brother of day I genuinely wish you the best why not a problem mate? cheers