 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Bizarre Magic of Brian Blushwood. So here's the thing, as long as I can remember I've always wanted to do weird, bizarre, freaky magic, but when I was a kid I never had any money, so I had to my junk at the garage sales, which meant a lot of second hand busted crap. But one day I felt the best magic trick I'd ever seen. It was old and busted, it was so old that the instructions for it actually came in film strip format. Now we're all too young to remember film strips most of us, but some of us, but back in the 1950s they had 35mm strips of film that you would advance by hand while they synchronized up with a record player. It would beep when it was time to go into the next frame. So I had my brother run the film strip projector. What I'm going to do is recreate for you what it looked like when I was a kid, trying to learn my first bizarre magic trick while I was doing it. So pretend I'm a kid. Here we go. What is magic? Magic is an ancient and mysterious art. Magic is also a fun, hilarious, and rocky way for you to entertain. Your parents. The postman. Yes, even astronauts are amazed by magic, but how can you use magic to entertain all these people? Yes, everything you need to perform this incredible illusion is included in the box. Start by selecting a volunteer from the audience and a girl asking her to join the audience. Let's give her a huge round of applause. Stand right here, that'll be your spot. We're going to learn how to do a magic trick. Are you ready? Perfect, here we go. Prove to her that yours is a normal time by having her carefully inspected. Who piercings when your volunteer is confident that yours is a normal, unaltered time you can move on to the next step. Perfect. Reach into the box and pull out the long skewer. Just as she inspected your tongue, have her volunteer carefully examine your skewer. When your volunteer is satisfied that there's nothing tricky about the skewer, you're ready to begin. To perform the incredible skewer-through-tongue trick, simply grab your tongue with your left hand, hold the skewer in your right, and stab the skewer directly through your tongue. That's right, stab the skewer directly through your tongue. Your audience should be very amazed. The reason I said audience didn't see is that you never really stabbed the skewer through your tongue at all. You really switched the original skewer for the gimmick one in the box. Are you clever? If by mistake you forgot to perform the switch, and instead stab yourself with the original skewer, don't panic. Simply reach into the box and pull out the pair of emergency shears designed for just such an occasion. Take those emergency shears, hold them up to the problem area, and simply cut it off. That's right, cut it off. Please note that you're a-okay by smiling big and putting that down for 20 years or more. By yourself, so thank your volunteers by giving her the skewer. It was so much fun. They actually don't want me getting away the giant 12-inch skewer for security reasons, so you got a choice. You can either keep that lovely, bloody chunk of baked tongue, or you can take it for a copy of Cheescotts, Whittles and Tricks, 57 Ways to Scape a Breedering. She's gonna take- I'll give you the book and the tongue. I made some promises, people were asking if it was appropriate to bring their kids. I know people brought their kids. I don't want to get in trouble later, so let me just make it clear now. Kids, if you go home and you cut off your tongue, it grows back instantly and it's awesome.