 Hello there my beautiful lovely internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. Recently over on Instagram I asked you if you would date someone who is disabled. The reason I was asking this question was to get some honest answers on fears and concerns that people have when it comes to dating someone who's disabled because while I realize it's like the politically correct thing to be like I see disabled people as people they're no different. Of course I would date someone. The reality is there is a lot of fear and stigma and stereotypes and concerns and I think that those are very necessary to address and have honest conversations about. I noticed that one of the most common answers was I don't want to say the wrong thing like I'm not disabled. I don't want to be offensive. I know that this is something I don't know a lot about like what if I say the wrong thing and I hurt them and to everyone who who answered first of all thank you for your honesty I really appreciate it and secondly I think that this is a very legitimate concern and something that's important to address so that's what we're going to be talking about today. What if you are accidentally a monumental jerk and say the wrong thing? But first a very quick word from one of my favorite sponsors. Sir Shark VPN is a fantastic way to keep yourself and your identity safe as you move about online. You probably know this already but identity theft is a major issue and it's something that you want to keep yourself safe from. Using a VPN keeps your information safe and secure as you browse the internet to your heart's content and not only that but you can change the server that you're connecting from. Why would that matter? 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I was 27 when I lost my leg. I dealt with health issues before that but like being a part of the disabled community wasn't something I actually felt up until very recently and I can tell you for a hundred percent fact I can think of situations where I didn't say anything at all or I kept my distance from someone who looked different because I didn't know what to say and if I said something I was so terrified that it was gonna be the wrong thing and then I was gonna be like the jerk in that person's story and I would have hurt them so I just didn't say anything at all knowing what I know now and looking back I wish I would have done things differently. As a disabled person I feel like I feel like start sentences with that but as a disabled person I know what it feels like to feel alien and different and know that people don't want to talk to you or maybe be around you because they're afraid of saying the wrong things and also on the flip side I know what it's like to have people say the wrong thing and say something that was very unintentionally super hurtful and made me feel bad. I know what that feels like. I think this fear especially in the culture that we're living right now which really promotes being politically correct, being aware, social justice, all of which I'm a big fan of, I think sort of a side effect of that is we've also made people not want to say anything at all because we're now aware that there are a lot of wrong things to say and do. We're not quite sure what all of those things are but we know that they exist and we don't step on that landmine so we just shut up and I think that everyone's answer, it was honestly one of the most common answers of like not wanting to date someone who's disabled or having fears about it because they don't know what to say or what not to say, reflects that. However, I actually found this answer super encouraging because it means that people care right? Like if you're worried about saying the wrong thing it means that you care. This is a problem and a fear that actually has a very easy solution and I'm gonna give you the the cheat card to that solution right now. So two things, number one and this doesn't just apply to dating this applies to literally everybody. I have had a few people in my life who have come to me at different times and said, Joe I know that you're going through this thing whether it was amputation or a surgery or trauma and being like I don't know a lot about this topic and I don't want to say the wrong thing and I am terrified that I am going to. Can you please tell me if I do? Can you let me know if I say the wrong thing? If I'm accidentally a total jackass and I hurt your feelings can you just let me know because I don't know? And I look back to those moments and they've made me feel so cared for, so loved and so seen because I realize that people don't know my life, don't know my story, don't know my pain points. I realize that most people are not educated about amputation or disability and while I hope that we're kind of slowly working towards a world where people are more educated there's a lot of ignorance and I don't really fault people for that. We are all learning and growing. There are so many topics that I am an idiot on that I have no idea that I know I would say the wrong thing but I think one of the most important things any of us can do is simply say I don't know. If you have a friend, a family member, someone you're interested in, who happens to be dealing with some kind of illness, some kind of disability, some kind of difference, if you're concerned about this I would say just tell them. I think saying I don't know is really underrated. It's so humble to admit your shortcomings and your areas where you lack knowledge and to indicate that you are willing to learn and grow and additionally something I would very highly recommend is taking time to educate yourself. There have been a couple times in my life where I've done this and I've tried to make it more of a practice where if I have a friend who says hey I'm dealing with pots I'm like okay I don't know what that is. Let me look it up, let me figure out what they're facing because they've been vulnerable and they've expressed that this is a condition that they deal with. What are good things to say? What are not good things to say? Really what is this thing? Let me understand it. Maybe I can be someone who's extra supportive in their life because of this. Like taking initiative and looking into things on your own is super underrated. It's very easy to find information about basically any condition, illness, disability in the world. Buy our fantastic information boxes as my friend Erin and Megan calls it. Google it. Education is one of the best ways to eliminate saying the wrong thing because when you know more you can do better. When people have done that for me it has felt absolutely amazing. I'm like you took you took time out of your day to try to better understand me and my life and maybe ways to help or not help or whatever it is like that's really cool and makes me feel like I am special to that person like I matter and the last thing I want to say on this topic and this is going to be different for everyone. I fully understand that but in reality disabled people have dealt with a lot of stuff, a lot of shit from society and most of us are not wilting flowers who can't ever hear the wrong thing without breaking down into tears. Most of us have heard really ignorant things. Many of us have heard malicious ignorant things and while I am by no means saying that like you can't hurt someone's feelings because a hundred percent you can what I am saying is that saying the wrong thing is not the end of the world. Again this is going to vary from person to person but if you express a willingness to learn if you're willing to listen most people know that you're gonna make some mistakes because we know that you don't know everything. If you're scared that you're gonna say the wrong thing I get it I've been there but I do want to add that when people choose to just say nothing at all instead of being worried about saying the wrong thing that leads to people on the receiving end just feeling so isolated and so alone and so different sometimes in my personal opinion it's better to take a chance at saying the wrong thing than to not say anything at all. I can think of very specific situations in my life where I have not said anything because I was really worried about saying the wrong thing and those are moments in which I look back and I know that I failed my friends because most of the time it's better to still be there even if you're gonna make little mistakes as long as you're willing to like hear people out and be willing to hear other opinions and be willing to grow than to not say anything at all. Express your shortcomings say I don't know you know help me what can I do do education and research on your own read a couple articles maybe even read a book and it really did make me happy to see so many people put this down as as why they were afraid to maybe date someone who is disabled because that's something that is really simple to remedy so thank you for your honesty thank you for watching this video a big thank you again to the lovely sponsor of this video all other links are linked down below if you check that out not only does it support my channel which I appreciate but it's also something I legitimately believe in and to my patrons over on patreon thank you so much for your generous kind and continued support if you're interested in what patreon is or what our community is like over there check out the link on screen or down below it's pretty great I'd recommend checking it out and do you watching this video right now thank you so much for spending a few minutes out of your day here with me today you could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else but you chose to hang out with me for a few minutes listening to me talk and that means the world to me thank you I love you guys I'm thinking about you and I will see you in the next video bye guys