 From DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com, I'm Darren Marlar and this is your Daily Dose of Weird News. This episode is brought to you by The Audiobook, The Last Observer, a magic battle for reality by G. Michael Vasey, narrated by Darren Marlar. Here's a free sample on the audiobooks page at MarlarHouse.com, or look for a link in this show's description. It just might be the worst first date in history. In Britain, a couple who met on Tinder were on a first date when the woman reportedly went to use her date's bathroom only to soon find herself in the middle of a terrifying nightmare. Her poop wouldn't flush. Her genius plan, B, was apparently to remove the poop, wrap it in toilet paper and then toss it out the bathroom window, and she discovered the bathroom window was made up of two non-opening windows, and the poop got stuck between them. She tried climbing head-first from the top of the window so she could reach the bottom to retrieve her poop, which she amazingly was able to do, but then she realized she was stuck and ultimately had to be rescued by firefighters who broke the window in order to save her. Her date, Liam Smith, actually took to GoFundMe to raise some of the funds needed for what he says is about $400 to replace the window. By the way, a gentleman all the way through did not identify this woman, and on the GoFundMe he has raised, last I checked, $2,500, so he's got more than enough to pay for the window, and the extra is going to be split between a charity that brings toilets to a developing world, which is a clever idea, and the other half is going to go to a firefighter's charity. For those who think this is a hoax, the Avon Fire and Rescue Service did confirm this story really did happen. Anyway, here's my question, you meet a guy on Tinder, and for your very first date you go to his house? Oh yeah, sure, that's safe. California state lawmakers have approved designating a section of the 134 Freeway as the President Barack H. Obama Highway in honor of our previous president, although it is a toll road and requires change. Adidas is introducing a line of beer and vomit repellent sneakers just in time for Oktoberfest. They also double as a female repellent. Excerpts from Hillary Clinton's upcoming book, What Happened, shows that she blames her defeat at least partly on her rival, Senator Bernie Sanders. Meanwhile, Bernie has in turn blamed his defeat on Hillary, but he's not being a poor loser and writing a book about it. There is a new website called verit.com for people who feel that Hillary Clinton should have won the presidency. It's already failing and they're making a list of who to blame for it. Meanwhile, the publisher of a book by Hillary Clinton's longtime pastor is discontinuing sales of the book and destroying remaining copies, saying that it found examples of plagiarism. He had supposedly stolen some writing from another pastor. The moral high ground in this story is completely underwater. Dr. Ashley Weinberg, who is an occupational psychologist and author of Surviving the Workplace, says we ignore incoming phone calls that we sense will be long and involved and take some effort, but not answering a cell phone that comes with a price. It breaks an unwritten psychological contract since we're not living up to our family and friends' expectations. Well, yeah, but isn't that why God created text messages in Facebook in the first place? A Belgian postman lightened his mailbag by failing to deliver thousands of letters and packages for five years. He kept the extra mail in his apartment. Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night, but I'm just not feeling up to it today. In Detroit, a Jewish woman is suing Denny's after the chain served her bacon in an omelet that wasn't supposed to have any meat. Whatever happened to the days of people just giving others the benefit of the doubt? It was a mistake. Make me a new omelet. How hard would that be? If you don't want meat, lady, you do realize that if you let the eggs sit a while longer under the chicken that laid them, they become meat. A report says robots could wipe out another 6 million retail jobs in the next decade. The downside is that instead of the robots saying to customers, thank you, please come again, they keep saying, I'll be back. Madonna says she has moved to Portugal, bringing it to a grand total of one celebrity who has made good on their promise to leave the country if Trump was elected. Cher says she is not a fan of her own music. Hey, that makes it unanimous. British dentists are claiming that drinking prosecco, a northern Italian wine, causes chronic tooth decay. This is shocking. Who knew Britain had dentists? Hindus, vegetarians and vegans voiced outrage after Britain's new Polymer 5 note was found to contain animal fat. Now drug users are complaining the thicker and stronger plastic notes have left them with cut noses after trying to snort cocaine. And as you know, nose comfort is the top item on the list when a government redesigns dollar bills. Over half the people of the UK say they don't belong to any organized religion. Personally, I don't believe in organized religion either, so I joined a disorganized religion. Last Sunday, the preacher overslept and arrived 30 minutes late with no sermon, and then the lady's auxiliary lost the names of people volunteering for next week's bake sale. A study of mainly British and North American rock artists has found that they are two to three times more likely to suffer a premature death than members of the general population. The lead author of the study says the paper clearly describes a population of rock and pop stars who are at a disproportionate risk of alcohol and drug-related deaths. This study brought to you by the Center for Studying the Obvious. Amazon has launched Brown Sugar, a new subscription video on demand service featuring what it calls the biggest collection of the baddest African American movies for its prime members. Among the titles they're offering, Blackula, Black Caesar, Cotton Comes to Harlem, and Foxy Brown. Am I the only one who thinks this is racist? If we created a new service called Cracker that featured only movies starring white people, what kind of an uprising would there be? Workaholic Japan is known for long office hours and stressed-out employees, but one company claims to have a cure. Cats. A total of nine fluffy felines eat, sleep, and walk freely in a small office of IT firm Furei in Tokyo. Haydnobu Fukuda, who heads the firm, introduced an office cat policy back in 2000 upon request from one of his employees, allowing staff to bring their felines to work. While other Japanese companies, they're also allowing animals into the office to help reduce stress and anxiety. I actually thought briefly about suggesting this for the radio station here, but then I realized if I do suggest it, I would be the one stuck cleaning the litter box. If you're having a rough day, just think back on some good times. Psychologists from Rutgers University write in the journal Nature, Human Behavior, that self-generated positive emotions help the brain switch its narrow focus on a bad situation to a wider focus. The researchers at 134 volunteers plunged their hands into icy water and half then thought of good memories for 14 seconds, while others focused on neutral memories. Those who thought of the happy times felt calmer and had stress hormone levels 15% lower than those who thought of neutral memories, and thinking of the good times even cut the stress response by as much as 85%. They then added it's even more effective if you don't put your hands into ice water. Scientists have been able to create baby mice from freeze-dried mouse sperm that was kept on the International Space Station, and thank goodness, because we all know how dangerously low the mouse population is on this planet. Andrew Shulk, a high school junior with type 1 diabetes and his dog Alpha, they go everywhere together, including school at Stafford High in Virginia. Alpha is there to help Andrew manage his blood sugar levels during the day. The pair have gone viral since Andrew and Alpha are featured in side-by-side photos in the school's yearbook. Strangely, the dog was voted prom king, while Andrew was voted boy with the coldest nose. Scientists have identified 51 human genes that are tied to intelligence, and for the record, none of those genes had large holes in their noses or tattooed foreheads. He's back now, but ABC executives were reportedly upset that Houston native and Good Morning America anchor Michael Strahan did not cut his vacation short to return and cover Hurricane Harvey. The source tells Page Six of the New York Post, ABC News asked Strahan to come home from his vacation, but he refused. Well, this is kind of ridiculous. Houston is completely swamped, but if only Strahan could get there, then everything would be okay. Suicide Squad 2 is already in the works, and nobody knows why. Leslie Van Houten, the youngest of Charles Manson's family, was recommended for parole last week. She still has to get approval by the parole board and the governor, which denied her last year. And I say we keep that streak alive. Christian Bale has packed on the pounds for his next role as Dick Cheney in the upcoming movie Backseat. He's also training hard on how to use a gun so in the hunting scene he can believably accidentally shoot another actor. An initiative set up to find signs of intelligent life in the universe has detected a series of mysterious radio signals from a dwarf galaxy 3 billion light-years away. Scientists say they have found 15 fast radio bursts from deep space. The first signal was detected in 2012, and then again in 2015. I would say that we be safe and not try to make contact back, but seeing as it would take at least 3 billion years for them to get our reply, I don't think it matters either way. Dennis Rodman has offered to straighten things out between Trump and Kim Jong-un. Remember back in the day when you'd hear something like that and they would immediately put you into a padded room? A recent search of a New York home's basement led to the discovery of more than a half dozen sharks swimming inside an above-ground pool that was set up in the basement. In all, seven live sandbar sharks as well as two dead leopard sharks and one dead hammerhead shark were found inside the property. The home, roughly 75 miles north of New York City, was suspected of harboring illegal wildlife. The animals, which were described as swimming in a 15-foot diameter pool, were captured with ease before being measured, tagged and having their blood taken. They were then transported to the Long Island Aquarium in Riverhead. Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the basement. Good execs are partially blaming the website Rotten Tomatoes for the terrible summer at the box office. They're saying that lousy reviews scared a lot of potential moviegoers away. Well, here's a solution. Make better movies! When three crooks were disturbed during a robbery in a restaurant in Aragway, they acted very calmly. The thieves had already locked one employee in a back room and forced another to hand over cash when they were interrupted by customers. Instead of fleeing the scene, the trio stayed around for half an hour serving food. Dude, you're willing to actually do the work of serving food? How about instead of demanding money, you'd demand a job application? A Toyota flying car is planned to light the Olympic torch at the upcoming 2020 summer games. One step closer to Robolympics, where we need no human athletes at all. Just in case you don't know, Vermont is one of our northern border states with Canada. So it seems 53-year-old Ullberg Vermont resident Mark Johnson wasn't particularly happy with the job our Border Patrol agents were doing. When he came upon U.S. Border Patrol agent Robert Rochelot, Johnson climbed down from his tractor and demanded to know why Rochelot wasn't doing more to apprehend illegal immigrants. Johnson said people working in the U.S. illegally were damaging his livelihood. After the heated exchange, Johnson got back into his tractor and, as Rochelot reported, while passing by my vehicle, Mr. Johnson engaged the PTO shaft to his trailer and covered my vehicle in cow manure. Johnson pleaded not guilty in Vermont Superior Court in North Hero, saying he didn't know the car was nearby when he turned on his manure spreader. The Florida sheriff actually had to tweet a warning to thousands of people not to shoot their guns at Hurricane Irma, because everybody knows all that'll do is make her more angry. Billionaire Richard Branson promised to ride out Hurricane Irma on his private island in the Caribbean, and he did just that, in style. In a blog post, Branson said he and his crew made it through the night safely on Necker Island, his 74-acre retreat in the British Virgin Islands by hunkering down in the wine cellar. Branson posted, �We took shelter from the strongest hurricane ever inside the concrete cellar on Necker and very, very fortunately it held firm.� However, he added that the Category 5 Irma was unlike any storm he had ever encountered. �Necker and the whole area have been completely and utterly devastated,� he wrote, urging anyone in its path to seek shelter. No word on whether there was any wine left once the storm was over. Post-reporting agency Equifax reports that hackers may have the names and social security numbers of 143 million Americans after a massive breach of their computer records. But don't worry, 143 million, that's only half of the country. So there's a 50-50 chance you're okay. Despite what the news tells you, not everywhere in the world is full of crime. Dutch prisons are closing because the country is so safe. In 2013, 19 prisons in the Netherlands closed because the country didn't have enough criminals to fill them. Now, five more are slated to close their doors by the end of the summer. The problem of empty jails has even gotten to the point where last September the country imported 240 prisoners from Norway just to keep the facilities full. What happens when your country's biggest import is felons? Easy, you become Australia. Stories had Barbara Walters in failing health. She says, not true. At least that's what I think she said through all of that coughing and phlegm. An Arizona principal has been arrested and charged with luring teenage girls to a skinny-dipping party at his house. 59-year-old Carl Wagner is facing charges of luring a minor for sexual exploitation and aggravated luring and misrepresenting his age after he admitted to posting invitations to his pool party online. Wagner had just been hired this summer as principal of Four Peaks Elementary School, with this being his first official week. And what better way to kick off an extremely short and creepy career at the school? Attendance declined at 13 of 14 Disney theme parks around the world in 2016 compared with 2015. Gee, I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that you've got to fork over your life savings in order to enter the park. Police in one Pennsylvania town say they were terrified by red balloons tied to sewer grates in apparent anticipation of the remake of Stephen King's creepy clown thriller It. The Lilletsboro police posted last week on Facebook, a certain movie is coming to theaters and a local prankster took it upon themselves to promote the movie. We give points for creativity, however we want the local prankster to know that we were completely terrified as we removed these balloons from the grates and we respectfully request they do not do it again. I wait until the cops see what they've got planned for the premiere of the next Saw movie. Near Seattle, police have arrested a Lake Stevens man who portrayed himself as being FBI agent Jack Ryan in order to rob several businesses run by East African immigrants. Authorities have declared him a clear and present danger. A recent study showed that 85% of millennial moms would like to receive acknowledgment that they're doing a good job rather than receiving flowers. That should make Mother's Day a lot more affordable next year. The study at Stanford has resulted in an AI that can determine if a person is gay or not by their facial features, not 100% but close. So humans profiling is wrong, but robots doing it is science. Year-leading could become an Olympic sport by 2024. And now you know why fewer and fewer people are watching the Olympics. A man in California says he was trapped in his 5th floor San Francisco area apartment recently after a delivery driver left a tall rectangular box just under the handle of his front door. Jesse Lawrence claims a UPS worker left the box blocking the handle from turning and he had to call maintenance to get out. Personally, I would have skipped calling maintenance. I would have ordered a pizza so the driver would move the box in order to make the delivery. Not only would my problem be solved, but pizza! While out promoting her new book this week, Hillary Clinton said she will never run for office again. So be expecting to see her on the campaign trail again in about three years. A newly published study says college students who don't go to bed or wake up at consistent times every day are more likely to have lower grades. This study was published in the Duh section of the Journal of the Obvious. A 28-year-old Portland, Oregon woman was arrested after she allegedly left her two young children in the bathroom of a public park while she went to get a tattoo. A family using the bathroom found the children ages 3 and 8 and called deputies immediately. Some parents teach by example, others teach by instructing their kids out of behave, other parents just shouldn't be parents. Hey, weirdos, how would you like to make more money? Well, take a lesson from billionaire Ted Turner and grow a mustache. But just don't count on keeping the extra mule off. A study reveals that your school career counselors were all wrong when they told you to show up for job interviews with a good clean shave. Men who sport mustaches are not only more likely to get hired at job interviews, they're also more likely to command bigger paychecks. According to a study performed by Quicken and the American Mustache Institute, mustachioed men make 4.3% more than clean shaven guys and 8.2% more than bearded gents, according to pollsters. But then there's the matter of keeping the extra cash. The survey shows men with mustaches spend 11% more and save 3% less than the combined average of bearded and clean shaven fellows. If I understand this correctly, you grow a mustache, you keep it until you get the job and paycheck you want and then immediately shave it off. Police in New Jersey are looking for a man who shoplifted from a GameStop store twice in 20 minutes. The man entered the store and stole items. He returned 20 minutes later, wearing different clothes and swiped more merchandise. Apparently it's not a job requirement at GameStop to have the ability to see people. A report says 301 species of animals are at risk of extinction because of hunting. Sadly, none of those species are feminists. What better entity to decode a 341-year-old cryptic message from the Prince of Darkness than the Dark Web? For hundreds of years, scholars and occultists have been trying to decipher a letter purported to be from the Devil himself. The story is that Sister Maria Crisifasa della Concezione, a nun at the convent of Palma di Monciaro in southern Italy, woke up after a fainting spell on August 11, 1676 to discover several letters written in her own hand in an indecipherable mix of symbols and languages. Sister Maria and her fellow nuns decided the letters were dictated to her by Lucifer in an attempt to drive Sister Maria away from God and the convent. Only one of the letters survived, and for nearly 350 years it has flummoxed scholars, mystics and code breakers. The researchers at the Lutom Science Center in Sicily cracked the code using an algorithm they found on the Dark Web. And while the translation they came up with does sound sinister, including claims that God and Jesus are dead weights and that the system works for no one, Daniel Abate, director of the center, believes the letter is proof less of the existence of Satan than Sister Maria's talent for languages and mental illness. He said, I personally believe that the nun had a good command of languages which allowed her to invent the code, and she may have suffered from a condition like schizophrenia which made her imagine dialogues with the Devil. There was also some question about the authenticity when one section of the letter translated into the words, be sure to drink your ovaltine. People of long-known French fries are not great for your health, but now a study is linked eating fried potatoes at least twice a week with an increased risk of death. The study, published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, looked at potato consumption in 4,400 older people between ages 45 and 79 over the course of 8 years. By the end of the study, 236 people had died, well, maybe so, but they died happy. Boeing is looking ahead to a time where jetliners fly without pilots. The company says it will test some of the technology next year. We don't believe Wonder Woman with the Invisible Jet, now you want us to put our lives in the hands of invisible pilots? There are reports that Venezuelans are eating zoo animals and their dogs as that nation's economy collapses. It's actually pretty smart, you save money on grocery shopping, and you cut out the expense of feeding the animals, win-win! While Nordstrom continues to open traditional stores like in Toronto this Friday, they're also experimenting with concept stores which are much smaller and where you can get manicures, have clothes altered or even try on designs, but the clothes would not be carried in store, they'd be delivered later. So they're opening stores that are only good for window shopping. City workers in London are working around the clock to try to free the sewer of a clog caused by a giant, smelly, disgusting blob that weighs 143 tons. It's still not known though what Michael Moore was doing down there in the first place. Why admit you probably should change your diet when you can just be fabulous? Kmartz, they're no longer calling larger sizes of women's clothing plus-sized. Yep, everything over the size of 12 will now be known as fabulously sized. In addition, they'll be making sure that they carry all sizes of all of its women's apparel lines. Kmartz chief marketing officer Kelly Cook said when we reached out to our members on social media, they told us we needed to have a better assortment and that we should call it something different. His decision was also heavily influenced by the fact that there is a solid trend on the market around diversity promotion and body positivity. Fabulously sized clothing accounts for 21% of Kmartz women's sales, which makes sense when you consider that the average American woman is between a size 16 and 18. But this is Kmartz, which is on the verge of disappearing, so you're only going to be fabulously sized for a short while, so take advantage of it while you can before you're forced to go back to Walmart and be plus-sized. Whether it's the result of a solid economy or simply generosity, the tooth fairy is slipping a lot of money under pillows in exchange for baby teeth. The nationwide average in 2016 was $4.66 per tooth, up 19% from the $3.91 she gave in 2015, and up a staggering 93% from the $2.42 she gave in 2012. That's the word from the annual tooth fairy poll of 1,588 parents nationwide, conducted by Delta Dental, which points to the busy fairies as a barometer of the stock market's overall direction. Man, what a rip-off! But I was growing up, I only got a quarter for losing a tooth. I demand reparations! At Nukes and Sanctions, former Navy SEAL and current author Jaco Willink has a different idea for bringing down North Korea's regime. He tweeted, dropped 25 million iPhones on them and put satellites over them with free Wi-Fi. This caught the attention of Business Insider, which floated it by an expert on North Korea at the Stimson Center, a think tank in D.C. The bottom line, it's not so crazy. This approach may be the longer route, but it has the hope of succeeding, says Yoon Sun. North Korea's leaders realize the peril of opening up its estimated 25 million citizens to the world, says Sun, pointing out that Pyongyang has responded militarily to much simpler balloon drops of pamphlets and DVDs from South Korea. He adds Kim Jong-un understands that as soon as society is open and North Korean people realize what they're missing, Kim's regime is unsustainable and it's going to be overthrown. This is a great idea, somebody should create a GoFundMe page for this. It's probably not going to become the next big cycling craze, but poop doping is a real thing and could possibly give competitive cyclists an edge. Microbiologist and mountain biker Lauren Peterson was sick for more than a decade with Lyme disease, but in 2014 she gave herself an at-home do-it-yourself fecal transplant from another racer. Peterson says she not only felt much better after the stool transplant, she upped her training to five days a week and was winning races within months. As any good researcher knows, her experience only proves correlation, not causation. Still, she says, I wondered if I had gotten my microbiome from a couch potato, not a racer, if I would be doing so well. Peterson, who says the procedure was not fun but pretty basic, says she started collecting stool samples from top racers and found that a microorganism called prevetella was found in almost all top racers, but less than 10% of the general population. She's now doing more research into prevetella, which is believed to help muscle recovery. Research experts are skeptical and are warning that bacterial doping at home could be dangerous. Peterson herself acknowledges the risk and she's not endorsing it. Endorsement or not, I don't think you have to worry about having a huge following of people wanting to insert somebody else's poop into their rectums. The mayor of Houston has a solution for their flooding problem. He wants to increase property taxes by 9%. Oh yeah, because the people who are already financially devastated from the flooding would be more than happy to pay even more towards taxes. According to research, despite medical advances, today's kids, with their fast food consumption and couch potato lifestyles, could be the first generation to reverse U.S. longevity gains. This portion of the show is brought to you by Elvis Brandt peanut butter and fried nanor sandwiches. SpaceX founder Elon Musk is predicting World War III, and he's not saying a third world war will happen due to the antics of a human being like Kim Jong-un, but because of advancing artificial intelligence, which could one day lead to killer robots. Okay, could somebody please go and take away Elon's collection of the Terminator movies? What strikes fear in the hearts of men? Proposing to their sweethearts. In fact, a recent survey shows that popping the question ranks just below swimming with sharks. The idea of proposing was more frightening to men than jumping out of airplanes, going for a job interview or wearing an opponent's jersey at a sporting event. In the final analysis, swimming with sharks ranked scariest among 28% of the men polled while proposing came in a close second with 23%. So, keep that in mind, ladies, no matter how much you may not be interested in that guy, just know that when he is down on one knee looking up at you with that ring in his hand, he is doing the bravest thing he has ever done in his life, and he is facing that fear out of love for you. Conspiracy enthusiast Alex Jones, citing high-level sources and multiple people, says that President Donald Trump is being drugged in sodas and iced teas to the point that he's slurring his words at night. And it's all part of a plot to control him. Jones claims they drug presidents because the power structure wants a puppet. And honestly, I'm more inclined to believe that if Trump is on drugs, it's on purpose to deal with psychos like Alex Jones. A Dutch town has introduced an unusual way of trying to keep smartphone-addicted residents safe, installing traffic lights in the pavement. Bottegraven in the Netherlands has put strip lights in the floor at a pedestrian crossing, meaning people who stare at their phones all day will see them, preventing them from wandering dangerously into traffic. That's nice of them, but wouldn't it make more sense to just go ahead and allow these people to get run over by cars, to weed out the defective genes from future generations? Target says they're going to hire 100,000 temporary workers for the upcoming holiday season. Great news for those of you who are hoping to work on Thanksgiving! In Laputa, California, some nut job was jumping from rooftop to rooftop of these single-story homes on Bechner Street for hours, refusing commands from deputies and crisis negotiators to stop and come down. But after being up on the roof of 83-year-old Wilfred Burgess' house for about an hour, Burgess got fed up, so he borrowed a neighbor's ladder, climbed up on his roof and pushed the suspect off into the waiting arms of police. Granddaughter Ashley Wren recorded the whole thing on video and said she was thankful her grandfather was protecting his family. After the big push, the suspect was taken into custody and was admitted to a hospital for a mental evaluation. As for Mr. Burgess, he said staying in shape is important to him in his 80s. He added, I tell everybody, just because you're old, that don't mean you got to sit down. As long as you're able to move, move. You'd all bet in his neighborhood when he says get off my lawn, the kids listen. The Los Angeles Lakers are going to retire Kobe Bryant's number. No one will ever pass a basketball wearing that number again. Wait a minute, let me rephrase that. That's not just us. Now a veterinarian is claiming that one in three pets that he sees is overweight or obese. Well, we've heard that pets tend to look like their owners. In Liberty, Missouri, the neighbors of Richard Geisenhainer were not too happy about him flying a Confederate battle flag in front of his home and let him know it. Mr. Geisenhainer responded by placing a sign above his Confederate flag, a sign that read, Slaves for Sale. He says if people actually believe that a Confederate flag stands for slavery, well, I might as well be just as stupid as they are. Geisenhainer, who has mixed race grandchildren, said that he flies the Confederate battle flag to make a political statement, noting it's for people that are tired of the government telling them what to do and what to think. That is what a southern rebel is. Obviously, the public outcry over the sign was fierce and Geisenhainer took it down the next day because he believes his point had been made. Neighbors speaking to reporters said they hope that in the future Geisenhainer might choose a different way to vent his frustrations. Meanwhile, he's not expected to get many trick-or-treaters this year. The 21-year-old son of actor Jean-Claude Van Damme has been arrested and is accused of holding his roommate at Knife Point at their apartment in suburban Phoenix. That is really strange. I mean, you almost never hear of children of celebrities getting into legal trouble. In South Carolina, a woman was trying to avoid legal problems by paying a traffic ticket in person, but when she arrived at the courthouse, officers arrested her for driving a stolen vehicle. A new survey asked workers what frustrates them most about co-workers. It's not stuff like personal hygiene, loud talking, or dumb jokes. Over half of us are frustrated by co-workers who don't pull their weight, leaving others to pick up the slack. In our defense, though, it's hard to pull your own weight when you're over 300 pounds. British authorities officially approved plans for a controversial traffic tunnel to be built beneath Stonehenge. They also gave the OK for the overhead zipline. A woman in Colorado is suing Starbucks after she spilled a large tea they served her, which scalded and killed her dog. Great, we're back to the McDonald's hot coffee lawsuit again, and this time we get to add the fine folks from PETA into the mix. Our national debt has now topped $20 trillion. You know, a trillion here and a trillion there, and after a while, that could add up. Good news, if you want to shoot your loved ones, the only catch is they have to already be dead. A bizarre and surprisingly popular new service allows you to lock and load your loved ones' ashes. The internet company, Holy Smoke, based in Stockton, Alabama, offers what they call a tribute to your outdoorsman or woman, like no other. They'll gladly turn your loved ones' ashes into fully functioning bullets of a caliber of your choosing. Holy Smoke sends the family a case of up to 250 bullets for display in the home or to take on a hunting trip, and hey, it costs only a fraction of the cost of most burial services. Prices begin at $1,250 for the 250 rounds for shotguns and pistols and 100 rounds for rifles. Perfect for the dead relative who always used to shoot their mouth off. Hillary Clinton says if it were not for James Comey, Russia, WikiLeaks, Facebook, fake news, voter ID laws, or America's sexism and misogyny, she would currently be president of the United States. In other words, Hillary is putting the blame straight on the fact she didn't have enough excuses. Hurricane Irma forced Disney World in Florida to close for only the fifth time since it opened. And with the price of admission to the park, that's a loss equivalent to the GDP of some third-world countries. A British man has admitted that his fairly miraculous swim across the Hoover Dam reservoir happened while he was drunk. Speaking about this now infamous August 10th experience, Aaron Hughes says it all happened after a 37-hour bachelor party bender with friends in Las Vegas. He describes it as a brutally hot day and says that as they stood under the 726-foot-tall structure, he decided on going for a swim. What he didn't know was that some 275 people have died at the dam over the last decade, and no one has successfully made it across the full width of the Colorado River there. But he apparently had luck on his side. Only one of the 10 hydroelectric turbines were powered on during his swim. He says, I swam from Arizona to Nevada. I went across first and then swam back. It took about 30 minutes to do. Even though I was knackered halfway across, I knew I had to get to the other side. He did say that he was about 160 feet from the dam and felt a strong tug. I was sucked toward the wall and had to swim hard. He says the police were waiting for him and handcuffed him for what he didn't realize wasn't permitted, and he says there aren't any no swimming signs posted. He ended up getting fined about $330, but as the tattoo on his body reads, no regrets. So apparently you can swim across the Hoover Dam, you just have to be drunk to do it. Disney theme parks have a code name for high-maintenance guests. If a visitor is particularly rude or disruptive, staff will refer to them as a treasured guest. Wow, it's hard to imagine Mickey and Minnie being sarcastic like that. Traffic jams are caused by many reasons, but it appears that one of the top causes is drivers who talk on cell phones. Even when they get chatty on hands-free devices, cell phone users drive on average two miles per hour slower than those who are not talking while driving, according to a recent study from the University of Utah. When enough people do this, traffic noticeably slows down, enough to add 20 hours a year to the average one-hour commute. Since about 10% of all drivers at any given time are talking on a phone, this has a noticeable impact on traffic. Drivers who talk on cell phones are more likely to stay behind a slow car in front of them and not pass. There are about 20% less frequently to change lanes than drivers who aren't talking on the phone. They also take about 3% longer to drive the same traffic clogged route and 2% longer to drive a route with a medium level of congestion than those who were not on the phone. So in other words, stay off the phone, you roadhog! Widely-despised pharmaceutical company exec Martin Shkreli, who's best remembered for raising the price of a medicine from $13.50 per pill to $750 per pill, was classified a danger to society this week and jailed by a federal judge following Facebook posts in which he claimed he would pay $5,000 per strand of Hillary Clinton's hair. I couldn't agree more. Anybody wanting to clone Hillary Clinton is definitely a danger to society. Now, there's a study that claims extroverts walk at a faster pace than those who are less outgoing. Well, yeah, because it's quicker that way to get to the next person to talk to. If you're already an official weirdo, please share this video on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit and other social media to help get the word out. To become an official weirdo, click that subscribe button and click that little bell next to the subscribe button to be a part of the notification squad. 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