 All right folks, we have someone on the hot seat. Linda is in the house. Okay, I hesitated to do this because I'm having a really bad hair day. Oh my God, oh my God. I'm trying to straighten my hair before I got on. Okay, before you start speaking, I have a confession to make. I didn't know this was you, Linda. So folks, three days ago, I was having drinks with a friend of mine at a local restaurant that had a fire pit outside. We were sitting having an afternoon drink and in walks in Linda with a gentleman. And I've never met Linda before, but she states to me and I quote, are you that guy on YouTube that talks about dating advice? Is your name Jonathan? I remember your name. Yeah, no, you said, and is your name Jonathan? Well, I mean, I think you prefaced it first by saying, are you dating a relationship coach? And I said, yes, that's me. And you said, I'm on a second date with a man I met on Bumble. And so what I proceeded to do is stand up for Linda as her big brother. I stood up for her as her big brother. And I said to, is his name Robert or Richard? Robert. Robert. I said, dude, I'm Linda's big brother. What are your intentions with my little sister? There are consequences for bad behavior. And then I proceeded to recommend to both of them that they buy the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Hotman right there. Yeah. And really quickly from what I understand, he ordered the book. So with that said, everybody, I got recognized out in public. My ego loved it. I'm gonna own, I have an ego. I'm not a perfect human being by any stretch. Okay, so Linda, what do you got for us? Okay, I hope it's okay if I say this. Okay, here's my problem in making the right decision regarding dates. Because I am embarrassed to say how many dates I've been on. I've been on a lot of dates. Okay, in the past. Hey, you were, by the way, you're in good company. A lot of us have been on a lot of dates. Well over a hundred. Okay, so here's the problem. You know, like I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Okay. Some of the things, you know. So like the guy was on the date with is very, very nice. Just super nice. Yeah. Okay. But I tend to be attracted, and this may be a flaw in my part, to men who are a little masculine. You know, that are, you know, decisive, masculine, make the plans, you know, take action, that sort of thing. Problem is a lot of those guys end up being assholes or narcissists, right? Yeah. Including narcissists. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, this guy is very nice. But on our first date, he took himself off of the Bumble app. Okay. And he was like, oh, okay. I'm taking myself off the app. Okay. You don't expect me to do that. You know, I was like, that seemed, that to me was a red flag. It was good that he was ready to commit to just dating me. I wasn't ready to commit. Can I respond to that? Yeah. Okay. And I know you have more to share. So I want to make sure that you cover all the things. Okay. So I actually believe that's a gigantic green flag. But let me explain why, okay? So the idea that it's a red flag is, oh, he's overly attached and he barely knows me. That's the perception of the red flag, that he's overly attached, but he doesn't know me well enough. But I want to offer you an alternate perspective because I do the same thing when I like somebody. Okay. I should have mentioned this in the Money Ways Men Like You video yesterday. I should have mentioned this. It's just occurred to me right now. I don't like the distraction of the dating sites. Like if I meet someone and I like them, I don't want to get that next notification and that next notification and that next notification. And then I get tempted into the, oh, well, maybe there's someone better. Oh, well, you know what? This girl is like, she lives two miles closer or she's, you know, she's, you know, 10 pounds thinner or whatever. I'm just saying. Paradox. So I believe that, and by the way, women do the same thing. It's like, oh, you know, like you're trying to keep, see if you're trying to keep your options open, then you actually aren't giving enough attention to that person in the here and now. I know a lot of female dating coaches will tell women to date three men at a time. It's called duty dating. It's called circular dating. Keep your options open because you don't want to get attached to the wrong person. Well, that's a back ass, half ass, half backwards way of approaching it. If you have a problem getting a drink, you getting attached to the wrong person, then stop dating the wrong person. Dating multiple people isn't going to heal that. Right, but I don't have enough information to know yet. I get that, but my point is, let's come back to his action. He said, I'm gonna take myself. Now, he didn't have to tell you this, okay? But he could have still done it. Now, first off, it's Bumble, so you would never know that he was off. I don't think, I think he can deactivate or hide his profile without you knowing about it type of thing, okay? But I'm gonna offer that maybe, and now it could be that he's overly attached to you, but is that really a bad thing? Ladies, you guys, Linda, I'm speaking to everyone, you guys complain about men not being attached enough. I'm like, I will take a needy person over an avoidant person every fucking day of the week and twice on Sunday, okay? I'd rather have a needy person because you can temper them, but it's so fucking hard to get an avoidant person, an emotionally unavailable person, an emotionally constipated person to actually open up to their emotions. It's much easier to tame the stallion than to try to get it to move kind of thing. Okay, so that's addressing number one. What's number two? Number two is indecisiveness. Okay, well, here's one of the things. I'm a practicing Buddhist of 50 years, so I have a daily, very disciplined practice every day, which I've done a lot of self-soul searching on and I have a therapist, a consistent therapist. She's pretty good for about four years. Okay, so ever since my divorce, I've had a therapist and I'm an employee assistance program, my job covers most of it. So I do have advice. By the way, you're going down a wrong train track. Let's come back to indecisiveness. So here's the issue. Not a wrong train track, I just wasn't tracking your file. It's something that I've really worked on developing, avoid changing that attachment style to a secure attachment style. However, what I noticed was indecisiveness, kind of a little lack of masculinity. Like, I understand, and here's another thing. He told me a lot about his background over the phone, dysfunctional father, 14 year divorce because of a mean ex-father in law father in law that was just a brutal attorney. And, you know, so there's some baggage and everybody at our age comes in with baggage. I'm just hoping they come in with a carry on and not a double bag. And I expect some baggage. I also looked at- Time out. And now we're getting into a different realm. I want to address the indecisiveness or lack of masculinity. So do you want to know the truth about me? I'm a terrible planner. I'm terrible at planning shit. I'm just not good at it. It's just not been my strength. I'm just not a good planner, right? And ideally, I realized that my ideal woman in my life is a woman who's a social director. So I'm not a good planner and I can be indecisive. But if I'm with a good social director, I'm a great follower. So instead of looking at this from the perspective of a weakness, maybe since you're the Buddhist, you're evolved, like you already look like you're a woman. By the way, you've got the potential of being the social director and he's trainable. Like that's a blessing, not a curse. Well, you know, in my book Tendency is if you don't make a decision, I'm going to step in and make it. Yeah. And by the way, by the way, it doesn't make me weak or unmasculine. I'm just not good at it. Okay. Part of it is, is I don't know what you like yet. So two, you met him on a second date. He doesn't know you well enough when you actually get to know someone after a while, you know, there are idiosyncrasies, idiosyncrasies, you notice their patterns, you just, you can start anticipating. But I'm rather apprehensive because I don't know what you like. And we men want to please, but then when you say, well, it's your job to know, you know, just knowingly take charge. Well, we'd like to know what you'd like questions. Like, what do you like? You like sushi or Italian, you know, things like that. Well, that's not indecisive or lack masculinity. That's being considerate. That's a better human being. Okay. So now here's the thing. I would at your, at our age, let's just say, I would, I would encourage you to take a gentle man over a rough riding man. Okay. And what I mean to say is, you know, the, the do-it-yourselfer can get it done and lift mountains and all that stuff. You know, if they're still at that energy state in midlife, it's a lot different than a gentle, kind man. The man you met, the man I met that evening seemed like a really good man. Okay. Now I know a good man isn't sexy, but here's how you turn it around. Are you open to hearing how to turn it around? Yeah. Well, I'm going to be crude when I say this, so don't be offended, but you guys have to fuck because when you have sex, it could change the entire dynamic. Great sex will make you see this man in a whole different way. Now I'm not suggesting it yet, but I will tell you this. Now, if the sex sucks, then you already have your decision right then and there. But what, it's like the movie, The Revenge of the Nerds, right? Did you see the movie, Revenge of the Nerds? A long time ago, yeah. The nerd ended up with the best-looking cheerleader, okay? Because he was great in bed. I think great sex can change your perspective substantially. Now, again, I'm not suggesting get into bed right away, but you know what? If you have a good man with a good heart, he pays his bills on time, he's got his act together. Yes, he has some baggage from his past, but if he's willing to own it, identify it and work on it, that's a blessing too. If you share similar values, you have a kind of similar vision in life, he's emotionally mature, then I would give that guy a chance, even though he may seem a little less masculine than you like, because let's face it, the brawny Marlboro man isn't necessarily the best guy. Let's put it this way. James Bond is the worst man to be in relationship with. Oh, yeah, definitely. Okay, what else do you have for me? Okay, let's see. Well, I did accept another date. Okay. Somebody who's more decisive. Have you kissed him yet? The new date? Oh, the guy, which guy? Robert? Wait, wait, wait, time out. I lost track. So the guy you met the other night, are you seeing him again? Yeah, I'm gonna give it another chance. Okay, but you have a different date with somebody else. Okay, do you want to talk about that? Yeah, I'm just trying to decide like, I need to like narrow things down and just be more selective. And I think probably what I need to do just, I think you've already answered part of it with the dating situation you were talking about in your own experience, maybe just asking more questions before the date. Yeah. I might tell me whether or not. That's what I teach in my private coaching. There's a link right here for everyone to see. So my whole philosophy is know thyself, know who you are and what is in alignment for you. And then when you see someone's dating profile and you go, I'm attracted to photographs, I like this, this and this, but this one I'm like, no, that's not my jam. Well, then ask more questions about that because it might be that that could be a deal breaker versus a red flag. I mean, again, what we described earlier about his dating profile, you saw it as a red flag because you saw it one way. I offered an alternate way of looking at it as a gigantic green flag. You don't know what it is. For me, I like to, I don't like the distraction because I have enough time in my life to date one person at a time. When I say I have enough time in my life, there's already a bus coming around. There's a bus that comes by where I live every 15 minutes. If I miss one, I'll catch the next one and the right person is worth devoting at least to me one at a time. Have you kissed the man I saw you with? Yes, but not French, just a little kiss. Okay, well, then you need to kiss. I mean, that's the precursor to the, but I want to encourage you to give him a chance. I know he doesn't fit, but you know what? He seemed like a really good guy. Yeah, he's nice. But just remember, what's the definition of insanity? He's doing the same stupid thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Well, we don't have to characterize this stupid, okay? We don't want to necessarily self-deprecate ourselves. Over again and expecting a different as it is. So maybe just like George Costanza and Seinfeld, you're going to do the opposite of what you want because maybe you'll start achieving what you want in the future. Okay, all right. Has this been of help? Yeah, actually a lot of help, especially since you actually met the guy. So- Yeah, I'm giving him my, remember I said it's a thumbs up, I liked him. I have a good feeling about him. Look, he could be a, I don't think he's going to be a serial killer. I mean, he could be- No, he doesn't seem like a jerk. But I certainly would, if he liked you and you like him, or you like him. Listen, was there a little bit of a spark? More on the first date than the second. Okay, did you feel comfortable around him? Did you feel all right? In other words, do you feel comfortable? Do you feel safe? I felt comfortable, anything is all like I was intimidating to him, but I felt comfortable. So that's your projection on your part. What, that's a projection. You don't know what he's feeling unless he's told you what he's feeling. Did you have fun with him? Yeah. Could you see him one more time with a little bit of enthusiasm? Yeah, I can- Okay, well then give it another shot. You'd be surprised. I've known women that, like it said, he wasn't my type, he wasn't my type and they're deeply madly in love and they fuck all the time. So by the way, I know I'm offending people with the F board, it's just for a fact, okay? All right, Linda, well, thanks for being on. I'll let you know. Good luck, good luck. Thank you, okay, bye. You know, Linda just brought up a great conversation for us is that when we find ourselves in a dynamic where we're just not like the guy isn't it, we're not feeling it, you know, there's an old adage. If you put a frog in a boiling pot of water, it's gonna jump out immediately. But if you put a frog in lukewarm water and turn up the heat, it'll actually boil. And I think relationships to some degree are in that same genre is that if we have just a little bit, it's just enough warm enough to keep that frog in the water, so to speak. And we begin to turn up the heat. Now, just recognize most guys are clueless, okay? Most guys are clueless, they're winging it. They're actually rather clueless. Most men don't have game, okay? And what I suspect about this guy, he doesn't have game, but that doesn't mean he might not be a fantastic partner. And that's why I invite Linda to give the guy a chance because I saw him personally when I met him. I felt like he was a good guy and I think she should give him a chance. So let's hope that she does and we'd like to hear from you, Linda, to keep us posted, okay? Give me a big hug of appreciation. Thanks for jumping on and sharing with us.