 It's getting hot. I'm going to shave them. I'm going to shave all this. I'm really going to do it though. I'm going to take them to the group and see if they're going to shave them. I was on Twitch last night and I asked the ding fam for any video suggestions and someone said that I should read me and tweets about my dogs, which is really funny to me because I feel like I read them occasionally in the comments and they crack me up. This is all in good fun. I promise you. And in fact, I asked on Twitter because the majority of comments with any of my dogs in the video is just extremely overwhelmingly positive because I mean, who goes on the internet to just like shit on dogs, fucking Satan. So I thought it'd be fun to read some mean comments to my dogs and about my dogs because let's be honest. They deserve it. Okay. I'm going to save Kermit for last because most of these roasts are about the lovely Kermit. So what do you say? We start with you, big guy. Mumble. Are you ready to get roasted? The people on the internet said them, not mommy, okay? I think way worse about you. Is Marbles alive? Fair question. Honestly, I see this comment all the time. If I post any video with the Aikis, they're like, if Marbles is dead. And my most recent Instagram picture of Marbles is just RIP Marbles. People think he's dead. Is he okay? I don't know. Marbles looks like a hyena from the Lion King with someone that chews his leg, Ed. He looks like Ed. I'm surprised Marbles knows which end to eat his food with. I think your dogs are cataleptic. What does that mean? Catalepsy. Medical condition characterized by a trance or seizure with a loss of sensation and consciousness accompanied by rigidity of the body. Hey, cataleptic. It's okay, Mumble. You're still alive, Mumble. Marbles bark sounds exactly what I would imagine entering the gates of hell would sound like. Does that sound like hell to you? Marbles reminds me of my dead grandmother. Why does everyone think you're dead? If she didn't help Marble, he would still have that towel on at Peach and Kermit's wedding. Marble, that is absolutely true. You know it, bud. What do Marbles and a bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up. It's so hollow. I love you so much, but there's nothing in your head. Marbles is literally a fat, drunk hamster at best. I think a hamster might actually be smarter than him. Marbles can't figure out how to eat food out of a dish. You have to feed him his slop on the floor. That wasn't too bad, was it? You don't even care because you don't know where you are. I love how even after I'll post a video of him with balloons floating up into the sky, people still think he's dead. I just want to pay my respects. He's alive! Peachy girl, it is your turn in the hot seat. Most of these comments are about your weight. She's doing very well. She's lost a lot of weight and she's very healthy now. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to be fat, but she does. Your dogs kind of look like robots, but adorable, stupid robots. Those dogs are like deformed squirrels. Marble is the picky eater, and Peach is the vacuum. This was on the video of Peach when she was a puppy. Wait, she was small once? It's like she just came out huge. Peach looks like raw chicken in this video. Just her nasty flesh-colored body. Peach is the color of a waffle that was almost cooked right, but got flipped too soon. Peach's head is too small for her body. They're one of the only breeds of dogs whose faces are smaller than their necks, which is why they have special collars. They're called martingales, so when they go like this, it doesn't just slip right off their triangle face. Your dog mango is fat. I prefer Jack's films, dogs over yours. Can Klondike and Sundae do this? Peach, you come! Jump! Oh my god. Two of your dogs only have like four teeth, and yet they still get fat somehow. Peach is shaped like a fucking barrel. Oh look, we got a tweet from Jack's films himself. Yo, are those things dogs are goblin twinks? At least I didn't get two of the same dogs. But can Sundae and Klondike do this? Peach, you come! Peach, you come! Oh! Oh, oh yeah. Can you jump? Peach looks like she just finished yelling at a customer service representative and is trying to keep her cool. Peach looks like a giant fucking corn dog. You done, Ouija-goo-gooor. All right, Kermit, it's your turn. Unfortunately, bud, most of these are about you. Kermit got fat. He has Cushing's disease. You insensitive fuck! Why does Kermit look so high? Just like look at him for a minute. He looks like he finally understands life. Cement looks like a mentally unstable rabbit. Can we now our next dog, Cement? Hell yeah. Kermit always looks like he's on the verge of tears. Can you be on the verge of tears if you're already crying? Kermit always looks like how you feel when you know you're about to get an ass whooping. I feel like Kermit is the physical embodiment of the I just came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now, me. You could make a second Kermit with all of his extra skin. It's alright, it's just stretchy. That's all. It's just stretchy. He felt like a condom. Oh my God. Kermit looks like a snail that has lost its shell but hasn't noticed yet. Kermit looks like he's been in a bucket of Windex for too long. Kermit looks like the guy who stands by the bar and pulls his sunglasses down looking at young women. He's also a liquor. Just in case he doesn't want to leer at you, he will lick you. Kermit looks like the aftermath of an anaconda, eating an antelope and then spitting it back up. Kermit's mouth looks like a 90 year old woman sucking on a lemon. The world would have half of its current amount of carbon dioxide if Kermit would just stop wheezing. Give us some good breathing. He looks like an angry grey potato. This is just a progression of pictures that shows Kermit morphing into Tilda Swinton. I feel like Kermit is the Michael Cera of dogs. Kermit looks like he has peed his pants in public and doesn't know what to do. If Kermit were in the Hunger Games, he'd kill himself before anyone else got a chance to kill him. It's the most accurate comment in this video. It's Kermit in a nutshell. Looks like Chris Bosch. Not a lot. Just a little bit. You gotta make room for him. He's little. Why are you just sliding off the back? It's like he wants to die. Did you guys like getting roasted? Thank you for all of your comments. They made me laugh, and all of them are far superior to Jack's Film's dogs. So I think that's the real takeaway here. Fuck you Sunday and fuck you Klondike. Get fucked. But yeah, make sure you subscribe to my channel and put out new videos every Wednesdays slash Thursday. Peach come! Alright, I'll see you guys next week. Bye! Marbles is alive!