 Woohoo! After everything Shane Dawson went through after making his Jake Paul series, is it any surprise that he needed to sit down for a little bit of a therapy session with Katie Morton? But there's so much all of us can learn about setting boundaries. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health. So what I like to do is pull different topics from the YouTube community or pop culture and try to teach you how to improve your mental and emotional well-being. So for any that kind of stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton, a ton of videos. So you know what's funny, you know what is funny. So like those of you who follow my channel, you know that I made a billion Shane Dawson videos. Shane and I finally talked, you watched some of my videos and commented and all of that and I'm like, cool. Me and Shane are gonna meet up sometime. I'm like, you know, it'd be great. It'd be great if I did a video that was like inside the mind of Shane Dawson. And then all of a sudden, Katie Morton makes this video in the mind of Shane Dawson. The series is over. It's been a journey. So thank you, Katie, for just jacking my idea. I'm just playing. But anyways, Shane, maybe when we meet up, we could do like a follow-up and see how you're doing with setting boundaries. Call me. All right. So I'm going to touch on a few different topics. Boundaries is the main topic I want to focus on. But anyways, in this first clip, there's kind of like these, these apologies and talking about trust and all of that, right? And I think this is important, you know, when, when being in relationships, like knowing each other's intentions, knowing someone's intentions, like did they try to hurt you? Did they do this, you know, maliciously or anything like that. But they, they had a conversation like Shane feels bad. Like Shane is an impact. Shane feels bad. And, you know, he doesn't want other people to hurt. So I'm glad that they kind of talked about this. But like Katie is basically like, I'm a smart big girl, you know, like I can take care of myself. Like I knew what I was getting into. And I'm glad to have been a part of this project. You know, you, you know, you had your, your channel, your, your audience and you, I kind of, I don't even know how to say it. I put you in a different world where it was, you know, toxic and crazy and YouTube and comments and this and that. And then like... But it was, I mean, but at the end of the day, like I was so grateful to be a part of it. Because the whole goal of my channel, just to raise awareness and to empower people, to give people information so that they don't get taken advantage of when they go to get help and they know what kind of help to get. And there's no other opportunity like that. So right there, like they were talking about how like, like Shane was saying, like he's happy. He's happy that, you know, the Shane Dawson, Jake Paul series actually brought people to the Katie Morton channel. And yes, yes, yes, yes. Like I was just ecstatic that like millions upon millions upon millions of people were talking about mental health. Sure, there was a backlash. Sure, there was all this other nonsense going on and everything happening, but people were talking about it. Like Katie mentioned in the video that, you know, she just wants to spread awareness. Same thing here. I just want to spread awareness, decrease the stigma, try to help as many people as possible. And my channel blew up. I doubled my channel size because of the Shane Dawson series. So I'm glad that it made this more of a conversation because one of the reasons I started this channel is because people don't like having that conversation. So yeah, I think they're absolutely right that this gave people the opportunity to talk more about mental health. So I've learned I am an empath, right? We were talking about that in the last thing. But I also am I an enabler? Is that the same thing? Not necessarily. So right here, Shane wanted to know is he an empath or an enabler? And Katie kind of defines both, right? So one thing that Katie says is that, you know, an empath like really feels for the other person. They feel these things. And Katie mentioned that as a therapist, she kind of needs to have that. Empath really means you can feel for other people. And that's not a technical diagnosis. Like it's just it's like a it's a kind of type of person. Like I consider myself that way too. I can usually feel like for lack of a better term like vibes off of people. And yes, absolutely, absolutely. Like a big part of what I do as just like a facilitator in mental health treatment centers, like I really got to be in tune with the other person for a multitude of reasons. So I do something that's called mindful communication, right? Not only do I watch my mood, but I watch the other person's mood as well. Like it's important for me to not let my own feelings and own judgments kind of come into that. I need to know how to keep the tone of a conversation like is this person sad or are they happy or is it okay for me to joke and lighten up the mood a little bit? Like I have to be able to be in tune with what they're feeling if I want to get through to them. So one quick gripe, one quick gripe right there Shane asked her about you know enablers and Katie's definition of enabler. She gave the example of being an alcoholic and if she was an alcoholic and if Sean was enabling her, I don't like that. It's not because I'm like being a snowflake or anything like that. It's just I can see why Katie did that because when you think of enabler, you think of alcoholic or drug addict, but like that's an issue, right? Like we enable people in all sorts of ways, right? Like if my son was just overloading on candy and doing nothing but eating candy that kept buying him candy or making sure we always had candy in the house, I am enabling him. But in the context that Shane was asking, like I think it would have been better for maybe Katie to open up the gate with the alcoholic drug addict analogy and then kind of say, but in your situation, this is what enabling would look like giving this person a platform maybe or not calling them out on their BS. Like is Shane enabler? I don't think so. I think he's learned a lot from this. Like I mentioned in my final recap, like with the hashtag sorry Shane thing. I think he did a great job calling Jake out on a bunch of stuff. I'm always the one that's trying to help them, but they don't really change and not unless they want to, not unless they want to. And then I kind of end up like even more sad and even more fucked up. Yes, Shane. Yes, me too. Me too. So like, how many of you watching this video can relate to this? Like you want to help people, you want to change people, but you can't, right? You can't or you want to or you put in all this effort and all this, but you can't. Like that is something that I had to let go of and realize, right? Like I would not be able to do my job if I had this idea that I could change anybody and I had to let go of that idea. Like all I can do is provide people with the tools, try to lead by example. I try to explain how my mental health used to be absolutely terrible and how I took steps to improve my mental health to where I'm at today. But I really need to get it through my head and all of you, some of you, need to get it through your head that you cannot change people. What I always say, the next time you think you can change somebody, think about how hard it is to change yourself and then, and then reassess the situation. If someone is hurting because narcissists really are hurting, but they just don't know how to express it or show it in a real way. They show it by being hurtful to others. So I think you sense the pain and you go in to try to help, but it's like no, no, because they're not ready. So real quick, by the time I was seven minutes in, I was making a lot of judgments and one critique I had of Katie Morton, but she completely proved me wrong with the second half of this video. This is why you don't do snap judgments. But one critique I had was she was letting Shane ask her a lot about other people, other people, other people. When I, when I'm working with somebody, I focus it back on them. Okay? Because one of my favorite sayings is it's a lot easier for you to fix you than it is to fix the rest of the world. I don't need to understand how everybody else is thinking of what they're doing and all of that. I need to learn how to manage these things no matter what. And a lot of that comes with boundaries. So that was like one of my critiques. I just want to toss that in there, but Katie proved me wrong. And the whole second half of this video, she talked a lot about boundaries, but they can, like people can get help and you can change. You just have to want to, and that's the hard part for some types of personality disorders because people don't want to get that right. So yeah, speaking of boundaries, like Katie talks about how the person getting help has to want to change. They have to want to change. And this is what I'm telling you guys right now. This is a boundary that I set with clients. This is a boundary that I set with all of you. I am not a banker of your emotional needs. I am not that person, right? So I am constantly feeling people out. Like if you are somebody who wants to just come and complain to me about your problems, but you don't want to do anything to change, I got no time for you. And it's not because I want to be rude. It's not because I don't care about you. I love everybody. And I know, I know for a fact everybody can change. Nobody is hopeless, but like it can seem very cold-hearted because I've had drug addicts and alcoholists call me after multiple relapses and stuff, but I can see, are they willing to change? Are they ready to change? Because if I keep helping them two things, one of them is, is that I'm enabling them because I'm not cutting them off. But the second thing is, and I want all of you to pay attention very carefully, because this is one of the main ways that I'm able to set up boundaries today. The more time I waste on somebody who doesn't want to change, the more time I'm taking away from people who do want to change. Okay? Somebody told me that a long time ago, when I was being a stubborn a-hole and refused to change, they just cut me out. And I like went crawling back to them. I'm like, what's up? Why'd you cut me out? And they're like, hey, if I keep wasting time on you, I can't help somebody else who needs help. I want you to think about that real quick. Every, if I'm just sitting there replying to all of your DMs, all of your emails, if I'm answering the phone and you don't want to change, I am wasting my time on you, which could be better well spent on somebody else. But when you are ready to change, I'm right here for you, baby. Boundaries. Yes. So for me and for them at home, you know, if you have this person, this friend who you're always kind of, I say friend, but even family member. Yeah. Anybody really, who you feel kind of drained by all the time when you leave them, and you feel kind of like you are a little like sick because you've, I just, for me, this person who I haven't seen in a long time, I would feel like. So worn out. We call him like emotional vampires. Yeah. Yeah. That's literally how I felt. So this is a great topic. This is a great topic and we might make a whole new video on this at some point, but emotional vampires, right? Emotional vampires. The people who are always just calling you to tell you about their problems or whatever you're with them. And these are negative people. This is why I'm telling you to get more positive people in your life. So if you start to kind of combine everything I've said in this video, like first off, realize that you can't change anybody. Okay. You do not have the power to change anybody. Okay. I don't even have the power to change anybody, right? But if they are constantly draining you, quit wasting your time with them and you need to cut them out because we all have those people, right? We all have those people who focus on the problem and they never get into the solution. Like I remember, like I remember when I was like in eighth grade, maybe I was just complaining nonstop. And one of my best friends in the world, we were in eighth grade. He says, dude, all you do is complain. And it like really hit me. And like, I remember thinking about that. I'm like, dang, all I do is complain. Later on in life, I actually had my kid's mom say that to me because every day I would just get off work and all I would do is complain. I was being the emotional vampire, right? So like, if you have these people in your life, like you need to start setting up boundaries with them. All we can really do is just check in and be there. But if it's bad for you, then it's best to just kind of keep your distance because being in their life is going to make it harder on you and could potentially make things harder for them too. You know, if you're not happy, chances are the relationship isn't healthy anyway. So right there, Katie said that they have to do the work. So what does that mean? What does that look like, right? Like I am here. I am somebody who is here to give you the tools and you can do whatever you want to with them. Whatever you want to, you have to do to work. So something that she talked with Shane a lot about was like balance, right? And you got to be very mindful of your state. Like, can you give this much? Can you not? Like, and for some of you, that might change from day to day, right? But like, you know, if you do care and if you do want to help people, like offer to drive them to the therapist so maybe they don't feel alone, you know, provide them with resources. Like there's some people who just need a little bit of a jumpstart, right? But you cannot do everything for everybody. Like, I've had people hit me up on their, like, oh, myself and say, Hey, Chris, can you give me a list of this? Or, you know, can you help me find this? And I'm like, wait, I know you don't need this information. Who are you getting it for? And they tell me, I'm like, that's enabling their behavior. They need to put in the work, right? Like, why is somebody ever going to work on themselves if you're doing all the legwork for them? Okay. So like, something that you might see me comment a lot is I have a video on this. Something I used to do was I would link you to the video. I would say, Hey, I already have a video on this and I would link you. But as my channel grows, I don't have as much time. So I just reply and say, Hey, I have a video on this is titled something like that. Go find it. Right. So I'm giving you the tools. You go do something with it. I think a lot of it is like people don't know how to cut people out of their lives. And then they don't do it right. Or maybe and then it becomes a big drama. Yeah. If like for me or for you guys, if there's like a friend, a family member, somebody around you that might be draining you, how do you get cut off that relationship in like a healthy way to where it's not toxic and it doesn't turn into drama? So in this clip, Shane was asking like, how do you cut people out of your life? How do you cut people out of your life? And by the way, Shane is talking about what I try to teach all of you, right? Like there's a lot of people struggling with this. So how do we, how do we turn that mainstream? How do we talk to everybody about it? So thank you, Shane. You understand me. You get my channel. But anyways, Katie, yes, yes, yes. Katie just nailed it. Boom. Right in the heart. Okay. So Katie uses my favorite analogy that you have to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help anybody else, right? I know people use this analogy all the time. It's like when you get on a plane and they're like put on your own mask before you help someone else. So if you were like drained, you can't put their mask on. But she also talks about the best way to cut people out of your life. The best way to cut people out of your life. This is something that my mom actually taught me. And if any of you watched my video about how I forgave my alcoholic mom, I actually had to use this strategy with her. Okay. I had to have a real conversation with her and said, listen, okay, here's how the conversation goes. Listen, I love you. I love you a ton. But because of this, this and this, I cannot be in this relationship right now, whether it's a friendship or with a family member or whatever it is. Okay. The best way to do this is to use I statements. Make it about yourself. If any of you watched my video where I talked about Trisha Payness and Jason Nash going to see Katie Morton, she talks about using I statements. So when you're talking to somebody and you're setting up this boundary, make it about you because if you start pointing the fingers and saying, you do this, you do that, all those things that all it's going to do is turn into this big over dramatized thing, right? But most issues in our life could be solved with clear communication because we just shy away from it. We're like, uh, I'm just going to ghost them. I'm just not going to reply. I'm just going to distance myself until they don't notice I'm not here anymore. When if it's safe, it would be best to just be like, Hey, you know, just our relationship isn't what it used to be. I'm having a hard time. So I'm just going to need a break. Cool. Cool. You know, and then we can see if we need to come back around to reassess the relationship or not. But the other thing that she mentions is like, don't ghost people. Don't ghost people like the golden rule of anything is like, how would you feel if somebody did that to you? Right? I know it's easier and I'm going to make videos about ghosting because I used to do it all the time. But like, I know it's easier to just kind of like walk away and like back off. But like, that's not cool. That's not fair. And how is the other person ever going to correct themselves if you don't tell them? Right? Like, even if it's like in dating and if you're maybe you're single and you're messing around on dating apps or whatever it is, like, if you're not going to talk to anybody anymore, let them know. Like one of my friends was over here a few weeks ago and this guy, this guy was messaging her on one of these dating apps that she was telling me. I'm like, are you going to talk to him anymore? She's like, no. I'm like, well, why don't you tell him why? The guy was like, it was a really weird conversation. I'm not even going to get into it. But she told him why. And the guy actually thanked her, right? So let people know. Like, don't sound condescending. Like be mindful of how you say it. But like, at least give the other person the opportunity to work on themselves. Like, wouldn't you want the opportunity to work on yourself? Like, what if there's something that you're not seeing about you and maybe that's why people don't want to be around you? So a lot of the concern people have when cutting people out of their lives is that, like, you're going to make this person upset. You're going to make this person cry. Like, do not be an emotional hostage. I made a video a while back and not many people watched. But it was called, you, it was called quit blaming other people for your feelings, alright? And this works two ways. Nobody can make you feel a certain way and you can't make a person the other, the other person feel this way, right? Like, we are so delusional with our ideas of control. We think we can make somebody feel a certain way. No, you can't, okay? If they get upset, that is their problem, okay? Now you have to worry about your problem. Now I'm not telling you to run around and hurt people and break their hearts and stuff like that. But when you're setting up boundaries, like, that's the only way you're going to be able to do it. That is the only way you're going to be able to do it and keep your sanity. Because if you're constantly worried about how other people are feeling, you're never going to be able to truly take care of yourself. I want to help people, but I don't want to look, I don't want to become the guy who's helping everyone. Everybody's like, oh god, Shane thinks you can help everyone. I don't want to become that, but it is hard because I do always want to help people. So right here, like, Shane was saying, like, I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to be that guy who goes around to help people. Like, dude, I get it. I get it. Like, I don't want people to think like, oh, Chris just thinks he can help everybody. You know, I don't want people thinking about that of me. But like, look at other people. Like, what if there's like a doctor who's like an ER surgeon or whatever, like a heart surgeon? Like, do people say, oh, look at, look at, oh, doctor, you know, who's a what's it over there? He's just always trying to save people. No, we need people like that in the world. We need this. And like Katie told Shane, like, it's our purpose. I've talked a little bit about existential crises. Like, this gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. But because I find balance with my boundaries and know I cannot change anybody, at least I try to help people, which is more than a lot of people do. A lot of people just walk past the, hey, none of my business, you know. So thank God for people like Shane Dawson. So once again, I just want to say thank you. Oh yeah, of course. Helping me and keeping me from losing my mind even more, which is ironic because I, like, you were going through a lot too with this whole thing. And you were like also there for me at the same time, which was a lot. So thank you. Yeah, of course. Of course. So this very last clip, this very last clip was Shane, you know, telling Katie, like, you know, it's crazy because Katie was going through a lot, but Shane was coming to her and he, like, appreciated that. And you wanted to thank her for being there for him, even though she herself was going through a lot. I made some videos about this. But yeah, yeah, everybody, just so all of you know, go out there and respect your mental health professionals. Because yes, we have to keep it together no matter what is going on in our lives. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, working in a drug and alcohol treatment center, I would get a phone call that someone passed away from an overdose. And then five minutes later, I had to go do a group for 50 or 60 people. All right. And depending on how I wanted that group to go, like I didn't hide it, I didn't mask it. I was in a position where I can use that as a lesson for my group. But something that I used to do, this is why I talk a lot about selfishness and self-centeredness. Me, when something affected me, I would shut down, right? And then it was brought to my attention that when I shut down, I can't be a good employee. I can't be a good father. I can't be a good boyfriend. So how do I keep going? How do I keep doing things? So some of you who know me, I have lost over 70 people in the last three years. So how do I come over here and make all these videos? How do I reply to you guys? One of the ways that I personally do it is because I don't think about me. I don't think about me. I'm like, you know what, Chris? You have to help these other people. Because when I'm about to do a group for dozens of people, I am of no use to them and these people trying to have their lives saved if I shut down. So I really appreciate how Shane understood that. But it's not even just about mental health professionals. I don't want you to think that I'm saying like, oh, pity us mental health professionals. No, everybody, everybody, your teachers, the people at the grocery store, all of these things like always try to be empathetic and understand that they have a life too. And things are going on in their life as well. Like something that I try to like think about whenever somebody is rude to me or whatever I'm like, huh, I wonder what's going on in their lives. And sometimes I ask them and sometimes we talk about it. You know how many people I've had yell at me and it ends with a hug? Quite a few. All right. But anyways, that is what I took away from this video. And I had so many topics to cover and touch on. And there's going to be another video coming out very soon, maybe even tonight, because Zack hustles. Zack is an amazing editor. But anyways, I want to know your thoughts down in the comments below or let me know, like, do you have a hard time setting boundaries because you think you will make someone feel a certain way? Let's do this. Let's do this in the comments below. Let me know why you think you have such an amazing power, this superpower, to make people feel a certain way. Because if that was true, I want to know why we don't have world peace if you have this superpower. I don't mean to get sassy, but this is something that I have to ask my brain when my ego's tripping out thinking that I can make people feel a certain way. All right. But anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton, a ton of videos. And a huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You are all amazing. And if you would like to help me spread a message of hope when it comes to mental health, click or tap on that Patreon icon right there. All right. Thanks so much for watching. Set up some boundaries today and I'll see you next time.