 So you might be wondering why do guys pull away when the relationship gets serious? Well, let me just be candid with you. This cannot be answered in the first three minutes of this video So stick around give me about ten minutes to get into the complexity of this because this is a very complex conversation that I believe Definitely needs to be discussed So Here's the thing for those of you in midlife and midlife is what I call after baby making years and before retirement Which is my predominant audience? Although I have a lot of 20 and 30 year olds following my work, which this can relate as well But the vast majority of people in midlife are divorced roughly about 75% of Singles who are over 45 years old are in the divorce category. Now. Why is that important to know? And first that's anecdotal. That's not an exact number Because it definitely plays a role in the functionality of a serious relationship, okay Now when we talk about why do men pull away before it gets serious? Well, I think it's important when things get serious, excuse me I think we have to differentiate between before sex and after sex. So let's just be clear about something Men who are only in it for the short run. They're in it for the sex It's they, you know, they're pulling away because they didn't get what they want So I really don't want to lean into the conversation for those people who pull away That haven't gotten sex. I think these are this is really for those Relationships that start off with some level of in, you know, mutual agreement to explore a relationship And as the relationship progresses, that's when they pull away. Okay Now I think what's most important to recognize these days is that most Relationships for those of us in midlife are casual relationships. That's right casual relationships And what a casual relationship might look like It might look like monogamy. It might look like Exclusivity, but it has no direction as to where it's going Esther Perel calls this stable Ambiguity if you haven't read the work of Esther Perel, I highly recommend checking her out She wrote a great book called mating in captivity But one of the things she emphasize or she shares you can go to her blog and read this Stable ambiguity means it's stable. The relationship is stable, but it's ambiguous as to where it's going And that's the predominant relationships of these days I would roughly say that there might be monogamy. There might be exclusivity, but there's no real direction It's oftentimes one of the questions you ladies ask is where's this relationship going? Well, it's unstate It's ambiguous to that and quite frankly ladies. That's on you and not the guy Okay, that's on you and not the guy and we'll get into that in a moment So why does this happen? Why are we in casual relationships? I think it's important to recognize that The need for committed relationships isn't the same Certainly in in history as of today the need for women to be in fully committed relationships And what I let me reframe that the need women do no longer need men for their survival for the most part I'm not saying generally speaking women don't need men for their survival so fully committed relationships isn't the necessity and Because we were talking about divorced in midlife for those in that category the need to actually Choose a wife to be the mother of your children from from the male perspective is no longer in need anymore So the relationship then has to sit us on its merits of is there genuine love between two people? And that's a whole complex conversation in and of itself So the original for for hundreds of thousands of years those biological needs those Instinctual needs have certainly had dramatic shifts in the last 50 years Okay, and for men The need to be in a serious relationship doesn't exist to the same degree as once in the past So I want to just give you a little bit of context so you understand this and and I did a video some some time ago Called is he serious for a relationship ten things? You must know to know if he's he's capable of a serious relationship. So let me pull up my notes from there and I think we all can understand the first three things I'm about to share and that is Instinctually each gender has a biological Instinctual way of approaching the relationship men are hunters and Protectors women are nurturers. Okay, that's the instinctual piece. That's every time you hear that men are provide provider protectors That's an ingrained Instinctual piece now Interestingly enough they never really studied this from the perspective of divorced people are they really provider protectors? After they've had their initial relationship So I'm here to say that, you know, there's really just because that's a narrative you hear over and over again men are provider protectors How does that really relate to those who have gone through divorce? Because I can tell you a lot of men after divorce The last thing they want to be is a provider protector for someone just like the last thing many of you want to be is a nurse or a Purse okay, I hear this all the time Jonathan. I don't want to be his nurse and I don't want to be his purse Okay, well if you don't want to be his nurse, you don't want to be his purse then guess what men don't feel like they want to be provider protectors, okay? That's the instinctual piece. What about the biological piece the pheromones that oxytocin the testosterone the estrogen and That certainly plays a role in relationship Certainly when a man is on the hunt for sex although you are all walking around going men are hunting for Relationship men are hunting for relationship and that's what all you female dating coaches are telling you each other that men are Hunters and they're hunting for a relationship. Do you know what I say to all those female dating coaches that sell you on this narrative? This is what I say to them. Oh, I want to vomit because you're making up a story just because a guy or Caveman hunted for buffalo didn't mean they hunted for relationships. In fact quite frankly cavemen Oftentimes took control of women. They were waiting for the women to wash their You know their feet in the stream and they'd run behind them and fuck their brains out the way a dog jumps on a Boy dog jumps on a girl dog and somehow you've created there's this story going around that men are that men are Hunting for a relationship. That is the furthest thing from the truth. Think of how often a boy dog will jump on a girl dog That's what a lot of guys are hunting. Okay from the biology perspective to to Ejaculate okay, and by the way, if you haven't looked this up before Post nut clarity. This is when a man Actually after he ejaculates all of a sudden his rational thinking comes into play And that's how you know whether or not he genuinely likes you is if after he vets sex He doesn't want to run out the door But I don't want to go on that tangent too long number three socialization and Boys and girls are socialized so differently boys are taught to stuff their emotions stuff their feelings girls are oftentimes Objectified based on their looks and can you imagine how this plays out as adults? It's rather fucked up Number four, they're imprinting childhood wounds traumas a love attachment style of mago If you're not familiar with the book attached by a mere Levina Rachel and Rachel Heller or the getting the love You want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt? Study these books because often by the way ladies you have male friends of yours and you're thinking Why is he with that woman? Most of the time it's either he's experienced an anxious attachment style or it's something familiar to his childhood Oh, let me reframe that you're asking yourself. Why is that man with that royal bitch of a woman? Okay? And I'm not talking about the bitch who's babe in total control of herself. Okay, that woman who's empowered I'm talking about that woman who's a downright bitch. It's because he's following some childhood pantering imprinting Okay, some of the other factors that make a difference in this decision age life Experience adult traumas divorce job loss kids baggage This plays a factor in whether or not he's capable of a serious relationship Cultural and religious differences between couples can play into the factor his socio economic status Did he come from a poor home a rich home? How is his finances today that plays a factor into whether or not he can be serious His physical health and appearance by the way, this is true for women and men and women alike physical health and appearance plays a factor Does he do? introspective work does he actually look inside himself or is he just living a life that's just Cavalier unconscious to the world and lastly his emotional intellect all of these play a factor and the reality ladies is that most humans from an inner personalities and behaviors are one of three types of people. This is not a fact. It's an opinion About 20% of the population is probably pretty toxic in their personality or their behaviors And then while I say 20% are genuinely caring people who are capable of leaning into a serious relationship Most everybody is confused 60% of the population is confused so 60 and 20 80% of the population of the dating pool out there is rather fucked up We have men and women alike. We have dysfunctional human beings and you wonder why they pull away when things get serious And I'm gonna lean into the deeper reason right now. I'm gonna lean into the deeper reason right now Why do men pull away pull back when it gets serious? Because serious could mean physical or emotional responsibility in the relationship. I'm gonna repeat that physical or emotional physical means the financial Possible burden of taking care of someone when it's serious. Remember the nurse and the purse I talked about a moment ago Well, we men feel the same thing. We don't want to be their doctor or their bank account. Okay So that's a real serious thing that physical aspect of a relationship and the emotional aspect is where a lot of guys pull away Because they don't want to be emotionally responsible for your emotions They don't they're not capable of it. They want companionship. They want connection. They want sex But they're not capable because they're confused. They're dysfunctional nor do they have the capacity to lean into deeper intimacy Intimacy means into me you see and if you haven't read the book emotional intimacy by robert masters I highly recommend checking this out Because the vast majority of humans are terrible at being vulnerable Authentic and transparent with one another because guess what these days were meeting Total strangers. I highly recommend reading the book by malcolm gladwell What you should know about the people you don't know folks You're choosing people who are rather dysfunctional in your oftentimes delusion to your own Dysfunctionality and you wonder why it's a clusterfuck out there You know, I appreciate the fact that most of you comment on my videos going. Oh my god, jonathan You're the only person talking about this. By the way, thank you lotus for the five dollar super sticker I really appreciate it, but I hear this all the time jonathan You're the only person talking about this It's because there's this narrative out there from dating coaches that are selling you on bullshit fucking fantasies Just sit back in your feminine energy and just let the man claim you Well, you're kind of hoping for that small pool of people who are emotionally mature And that genuinely want to be in a relationship So what's the answer to all this? Well first and foremost You have to decide Do you want a casual relationship or do you want something serious? Because the reality is is casual is about what 80 percent of the population is only capable of To want companionship connection and sex without any Without any real commitment And to actually grow with another human being this is what we're faced with and guess what? Probably 80 percent of you will never get the nirvana relationship. You're looking for So you might want to settle on a casual relationship. You might want to settle on friends with benefits There's there is a benefit for those kind of casual relationships for some people because for some people It's better to have a mediocre relationship than no relationship at all Yeah, by the way, do you know if 50 percent of divorces if 50 percent of marriages end in divorce Do you know the other 50 percent still married? Half of those are miserable So it's better for some people it's better to be in a mediocre relationship than no relationship at all And by the way, I'm okay with that I mean not that you need my approval. I'm okay with that. I'm okay Some people have friends with benefits relationships. Some people have multiple casual relationships You know what these days? We've got to throw out the old rule book because everything we've learned about relationships is wrong And it is rapidly changing like nobody's business and so to to It's set you're setting yourself up for failure to to look at to Desire that nirvana relationship because the likelihood of it happening is very rare Well, jonathan that's really depressing Yeah But you know what I'd rather be a realist And then do the steps to actually make it happen Then to be the fantasy person the delusional person Hoping that magic fairy dust will change everything because so many of you women I'm sorry. You actually live in a fantasy world that magic fairy dust is going to change guys And I'm here to say Men are fucked up and you ladies are just as fucked up And the antidote to this chaos By the way, it happens to be my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work By the way, there's a link below to get my book. Why am I sharing this? Because finding individual empowerment is the most important thing you should be doing Rather than searching for a mate. This is why I continually recommend this book lately Why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes, this is an empowerment book To let go of the old narrative To throw out the bullshit old rhetoric and establish one's individuality because the solution To all this besides my coaching program By the way, there's a link below to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Because I teach you how to vet for the right guys so you can avoid the wrong guys But the real lesson that happens when you're empowered First off You're unafraid to hardball relationships and hardball means being intentional being transparent and being Radically honest with one another intentional Transparent and radically honest folks I see women so afraid to speak their truth with men because you're afraid of losing a guy You will only lose the wrong guy because if it's sincere and from the heart as said in chapter nine in my book If it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right guy So stop Silencing your voice stop being afraid to speak your truth. I swear to god Most women these days dating are walking around like this. They're walking around with this Sorry I'm putting tape on my mouth to illustrate a point You're walking around afraid to ask questions. You're walking around afraid to speak your truth You're walking around afraid to tell a person how you feel You know folks I sometimes crack myself up But I witness this over and over and over again I mean i'm blessed I make a fortune because you call me ask me for advice on what I should say to a guy I'm like I'm literal and I oftentimes give you the words so you can do it for yourself And I'm like, why aren't you learning this yourself? You should be reading this book Nonviolent communication by marshal rosenberg and it should have been called compassionate communication in addition Oh my god read this book I hear you the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships ladies Stop walking around with tape over your mouth and start speaking up to guys Because you will and by the way since you have an 80 since there's an 80 chance You're with a fucked up dude. The worst thing that's going to happen is you're going to lose the wrong relationship So what's going to change all this? I said in a moment ago I recommend a variety of different books But most importantly I'm here to say Sex is where your power lies There I said it sex because remember I started this conversation before sex and after sex Sex is where your power lies because the minute you give your vagina to a guy You're behind the eight ball And if you're not familiar with my dating vow, I'll post it in the description But I'm going to share this with you The dating vow Okay Have you ever heard the saying women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? These days a man All he has to say to a woman is I want a relationship and she'll drop her drawers I mean it blows me away And by the way, I've had this happen with women over and over and over again You'll simply have sex with men if they claim they want a relationship So let's go a little bit deeper and the dating vow is an opportunity to go deeper Then the surface that most of you are operating from So A dating goes out like this. You both communicate this to each other I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months You both say it to each other. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together I agree to not actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the dating process, including taking down my dating profile I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing and lastly I agree to invest regular time in the process of getting to know you Which looks like social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills Both in our personal and our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy And ladies 90 percent of men will bail on this Because thousands of women hundreds of thousands of women will have sex without any commitment or agreement whatsoever And i've said this before if all you women band together today and put on a chesty belt for 90 days You'll change male behavior like that But you won't do it Because so many women will drop their drawers let the penis inside the vagina without any Genuine commitment with one another and while this is no guarantee This weeds out a lot of guys That are only in it The toxic guys the confused guys that are only capable of a non serious casual relationship And as I said before remember Those 10 things I shared here Those 10 things I shared here Instinct biology socialization imprinting age and life experience cultural and religious socio-economic physical health appearance introspect and emotional work These are the men that are genuinely if you've really vetted the guy and that's what I teach How to vet for emotional maturity you have a better chance of finding that guy who's a caring guy A grower and a builder versus the spender who's confused and doesn't know what he wants But he wants companionship and wants connection and wants sex and let me just say Everything I said works in the reverse women. It applies to women 100 percent. You guys are just as toxic just as confused And yes, there are many of you that are caring so Wow, I said a lot Did this sink into this resonate with you? Please let me know hit that like button hit that subscribe button And share this with your friends if my content resonates with you Okay So for those who know My live streams this is the q&a part of the live stream If you have a question for me both personal or if you have a question based on the content I just shared or any other question Post the word question or write personal question and then write an actual question thereafter not a statement a question Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him there. That's a picture of him there He's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor I've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like um The hothman process insight seminars I have two A female friend of mine that's going into going to insight in october And another client of mine that I hope is going to go in september october november It is a worthwhile experience the hothman process and that's who I donate to So again, you can look at the little dollar sign at the bottom of the chat Please make a donation today to the connor asley scholarship fund And if you're listening to the replay go to my website and request the donation button for that All right, let's go swim man. Let's go swimming and folks Don't make me go all psycho roommate on you today All right, let's go swim man Let's keep swimming. I saw something earlier um Question jennifer writes Do you think some people are not capable of vulnerability and sharing themselves fully because of fear of major trauma? I love this question Because I forgot to share this in the live in the content portion Why do men pull away when it gets serious? Because they've experienced pain in their life I know after my divorce Last thing I wanted was serious after going through the traumatic and dramatic event of the legal process and the The anger that happened the last thing I wanted was something serious. I wanted companionship. I wanted connection. I wanted sex Actually, I wanted sex. I wanted sex. I wanted sex and a little bit of companionship and a little bit of connection So let me be let me be truly transparent But the pain of that experience I mean I I would say for well over half a decade. No more than that We've been divorced now 17 years Easily the first 10 years of that the last thing I wanted was a serious relationship. I wanted companionship I wanted connection. I wanted sex. I was in such pain over the divorce and I witnessed so many women In pain that they're not even capable of a serious relationship So why do people pull away when it gets serious because they're in significant pain And so coming back to your question Jennifer It's difficult to be vulnerable After you've experienced a major trauma like divorce and if 75 of people who are actively dating today are divorced It's no wonder It's a challenge to actually lean into something serious If the a significant percentage of the population is an emotional pain So Pain that's one of the primary reasons why men pull away when things get serious. They're hurting And sadly we men get judged You women get judged We're in a terrible war between the sexes There's an emotional war between the sexes. There's a there's this absolute War of the genders and so many different ways especially in the relationship realm And while some of my contemporaries will sell you on the fantasy because yes, I broken clock is right twice a day It is far more dysfunctional out there than it is panacea And yet you'll see a love story and you'll think oh that can be me You know the real love story The real love story Is self-love You know when I lost Connor I did a deep dive into what does it mean to love when you lose a child? It it can break you up in so many different ways and for me it was the It was the desire To really dig deeper into what does it mean to love oneself? What does it mean to love? And that's what inspired me to write my book because ultimately and folks, you know, I'm not in a significant relationship right now Because I've had to work the last half decade on really learning to love myself I was riddled with childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that I've only really began to unpack in the last five years of my life And I still have bad behavior and bad habits I I have you know, I I think I teach because it's my way to heal myself Or at least I I don't teach I I hope I inspire people to look inward because that's my invitation for everybody So I rambled I babbled so thank you for allowing me to share with that jennifer. I really appreciate it All right, just keep swimming. I am swimming Sherry says jonathan you're a good kind of knot. Thank you so much Michael says everybody needs a love, but what does everybody mean love? What does mean love for everyone? Yes All right, let's keep going. Let's keep going. Do you have a question for me? Um bear with me a second Oh question Question after how much time would you bring up the dating vow? Before the penis goes inside the vagina You don't want to do it after you want to do it sometime Right before you have sex with one another you have a conversation with one another folks The cavalier way women are approaching sex these days. Listen, I get it You are entitled to do whatever the fuck you want. These are your bodies But let me tell you something in the relationship realm If you desire a significant relationship Then you better decide whether or not You're going to do it from a place of intentionality or a place of of ambivalence Because we men will fuck you without any regard of ever wanting to see you again. I am so guilty of this I'm not proud of it. I'm just I'm just I I have been I participated in that So, um, you want to do it before you have sex And you want to by the way folks I say this before I say this again before the penis goes inside it The vagina read the book eight dates by doctors john and julie dotman and read chapter one together Before you ever let him have sex with you Chapter one chapter one. I'll tell you what it's about just so you can see chapter one Trust and commitment Trust and commitment folks. Do you know what trust is? Trust is Isn't just about fidelity Trust is can I count on this person to care about my feelings as much as I care about my own Does this person have my best interest at heart? When you can say that definitively that's when you can trust a person But you know what the tinder swindler created a lot of false trust with a woman because trust takes time to build together Trust takes time to build together. All right Thank you so much for that question Ah, by the way, kimberley. I see your question, but i'm not going to answer it. That's a little too personal So let's keep going Michelle says it's amen to that it all starts and ends with self-love the most important thing in relationship lulu has a question I'm attractive and in shape after losing 90 pounds But have scheduled plastic surgery in september to fix what didn't snap back How and when should I disclose this to someone I just started seeing? Why do you have to tell them? Why? You don't have to tell them that If they ask then you can tell them, but why do you have to tell them? I have a stinking suspicion that you'd like to God this sounds like a judgment or even a projection So I want to be careful But I feel like some people do this because there's like a badge of honor that needs to be expressed I lost this 90 pounds But there's something still wrong with me That I'm going to have someone fix you don't need to disclose that If they ask you can ask but you don't need to disclose it You don't need to tell every little facet your life to a person Okay, so here's the rule of thumb Is it material to the relationship that he needs to know this for example an std Might be a good idea to tell someone about that You're in a relationship with someone else might be a good idea to tell someone that That you're going to have plastic surgery none of his fucking business That's my opinion. I'd like to hear your thoughts folks What are your thoughts on what I just shared both my projection or judgment? As well as my solution. I'd like to post a comment. Let me know All right. Thank you lulu big hugs to you and congratulations on losing 90 pounds sending you a big gigantic Jonathan Barahug Ah Catherine says I know what I want and desire in a relationship So I won't settle just to have one not short changing myself. Well, you're already in a relationship. So why are you even saying that? All right, I already know Catherine. That's why I say that question Why are some men needing? Needing or I'm assuming needy and want to be needing and wanting to be in a committed relationship rather than being alone And some men can't commit to anyone Great question. Everybody hold on a second. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I've got a book that I think everybody needs to read Okay, so the book is called Codependent no more Codependent no more we we here in the united states are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me So I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself And there this is men and women alike. We are Here in united states. We are riddled with dysfunctionality. By the way, I only speak about united states because I'm going to tell you something In other parts of the world There is such a tight knit family unit That support each other unlike this dysfunctional fucking way Americans live from a family and village and a tribe perspective. We it's a very selfish culture here And by the way under the delusion there is so much delusion that people think they're they're selfless when There's so much victim consciousness and a righteousness Here in united states. I got to tell you it's it's sad to witness the divide that's happening here And thankfully there are other parts of the world where they actually work as a team with one another So anyway, I went off on tangent. So what was the question again? Oh, so it's usually uh codependency is what's going on um, and by the way, I By the way, it's natural to be dependent upon humans for survival needs Whether it's physical or emotional. So it's it's it's very common to be a codependent It's what's what's uncommon is interdependency in other words being a sovereign human being self words self esteem self confidence Self respect and in relationship with somebody else. That's that that that's also that But you're talking about the true needle in the haystack when two Emotionally healthy people get together it is a fucking rarity and they're mutually attracted to one another Because we here in the united states hyper focus on physical attraction instead of You know the more important things in a relationship. So we've hyper focused on chemistry My relationship iceberg chemistry And oftentimes pay little attention to shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity And since 80 percent of people are emotionally dysfunctional. No wonder it's a cluster fuck out there I will tell you this though I don't think a week. Uh, probably every seven to ten days. I get a message from a client jonathan I met a great guy jonathan. I met a great guy jonathan. I met a great guy and they know the difference Because of the grown-up work. I teach in life. I teach you how I teach you this How to be an adult in relationships? And if you want a crash course on that schedule a discovery call with me Ah Thank you, diane. I appreciate that question All right, stephanie Question I've heard you say you should have a hundred hours of face to time with someone to create the first level of trust Would you describe what you mean by first level of trust? Great question? so Would you date would you give a man every penny in your bank account? Like at what point do you feel safe enough to give a man every penny of your bank account? Probably never I mean some people are stupid do it like on the second third fourth fifth eighth whatever the tinder swindler But I want you to think about that. When do you feel safe? I think it's through experiences Through social activities hobbies mutual interests. It's doing things together face to face That helps build trust. So what is trust? Does this person genuinely care about my feelings? So let me give you an example I was in relationship with the woman and we'd only been dating for about three or four months And she had to drive to a difficult part of town A scary part of town from her perspective to do a radio show She called me up and we lived 30 miles from each other and I was working that day and she said would you drive me? When I dropped everything to go help her out That is building trust. In other words putting your partner's needs ahead of your own in other words, it's it's having it's like it's like It's like does this person not only care about my feelings, but do they put my my needs? Sometimes above their own and it takes at least a hundred hours to get to that first level of reaching that Because you got to get past the sexual piece You know is he in it for the short run or is he in it for the long run? So I'm not saying you have to wait a hundred hours to have sex, but I'm just going to tell you it takes time to build trust I have witnessed so many men bullshit and bamboozle women I can't believe you don't trust me. I'm like, I don't know you And by the way, any guy that throws bullshit then ask him to then ask him for $10,000 You know what and see how quickly a person's going to write a fucking check to you before you give your vagina Okay, I mean, it's funny. We covet money Humans here in the united states covet money far more than they covet their fucking sexual life Money is so ridiculously coveted here So Ask them give me $10,000 and then I'll fuck you. I'm sorry. That sounds like prostitution Sex worker or whatever it's called. I'm just joking. So don't you know, I'm just making a joke here But I do you guys get my point? I think you do Go depth. I just heard about the Johnny depth amber heard Uh verdict interesting. I'll talk about that towards the end. All right. Uh, let's keep swimming Uh corny cops is personal question. Do you work out lift? If so, are you natty? And if you aren't, what's your stack? I don't know what natty means. I work out four days a week Well, I actually I work out five to six days a week including jogging sprinting and white weights I do weights about 20 minutes about three or four times a week. I don't know what natty means and what's your stack I don't know my stack. Um, because I don't I just do I mean, I do I do a fair amount of weight, but I'm not really trying to overly exert myself. All right Kimberly says can you describe the user type of guy that falls into the 20 category? Absolutely. I can let's pull up the user If you're not familiar with the three types of people actively dating, there are the users the spenders and the growers builders Users are the uh for in it for short term gain Love bombers players gold diggers are in it for long term But they're just they're they act entitled and selfish people only caring about those needs. Those are the users Okay So thank you for that question. I really appreciate it All right Catarina says personally at some point there should be vulnerability with each other where we can share our truths down the road In that time trust should be built. If not, it's not a safe place to land. Yes, indeedy um Janik wants to respond back to I think it was lulu. They don't need to know about your surgery executively Rachel asks a question Jonathan What you say isn't wrong the dating world does suck and a lot of people are afraid of commitment Even if you're comfortable with yourself, what would you suggest? to do So I'm a big proponent Of making effort a little bit of effort every day whether it's a dating app Whether it's just being 10 nicer to somebody out in the world Make a little bit effort to connect with people and then I invite you all to do a prayer Because this is what love would do and this is how love would respond God universe spirit I invite romantic love into my life That kind of romantic love where we have amazing chemistry with one another and we have this amazing physical desire to be with one another And I invite that kind of relationship that romantic relationship Where we can banter and laugh with each other and our communication comes from a vulnerable authentic and transparent place and god universe spirit I invite in a person where we can blend lives together and our lives are compatible with one another and we can Invest regular time in getting to know one another And god universe spirit. I invite in somebody who shares my values Who has that kind of character that type of person? I can respect them and they can respect me and we can both honor and cherish one another And lastly I invite that kind of relationship where we can build the deep roots of trust through social activities hobbies mutual interest Spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy because we both operate from a place of emotional maturity And we have the tools and resources that if we have conflicts with one another We can overcome them with ease because we're focused on being happy Instead of being right and god universe spirit. I invite that into my life Can I get an amen? I'm a preacher sometimes. How'd you like my prayer? How'd that sit with you? I hope it went well Ah 10 says 10 1138 Says amen to the prayer Elaine says i'm quick-witted and outspoken Lulu says thank you everyone eventually. I'll have to tell them a month or work I know sex, but I'll keep it under my hat until that time way to go Oh Katarina says amen. I love it exactly says Cynthia amen Uh, alexandra says amen or uh or your rock Rocked couple with meditation we can manifest there you go All right, let's see if we've got anything else Leah says Question can you make a video on dating widows? They seem to be very difficult in having relationships You know, I don't know if I can I'm really qualified to really discuss that. I mean You know my ex-wife's Mother got divorced right at the time we were getting married. She was probably in her late 50s And she met a man who was 60 years old. Okay She was 62 She was 58 so roughly, you know, this was almost 25 plus years ago They met They fell in love and got married They went on to live another they were on they were together another married 28 years before he passed away And I think around 90 92 years old or something like that. I can't remember the exact detail Maybe it was a little bit older, but they were together 28 years She lived she had more relationship with him. Oh, by the way, he was a widower. That's why I'm bringing it up Um, you know difficulty for her children to accept her there was some bumps in the road But you know what he was fully devoted to her and when I went to the funeral last month I was so happy to hear her his children share How much they appreciated? Not that this woman was or my ex-wife's mother was their stepmother, but how much they appreciated the joy He brought that she brought into his life We can all have a second life A second chance even in our 60s So, um But I mean widowers are really challenging. It just depends on how devoted they are to their previous partner So I'll try to shoot a video on that. So thank you um I can't or says question. How can you distinguish when a when being a realist crosses over cynicism I don't know you got okay. So folks you tell me because I oftentimes think I'm cynical I think I'm an alarmist now Am I an alarmist? Am I cynical or is this rational? Is this realistic? I don't know You know what matters most Is not worrying about Just you know what? I'm just myself with you guys. I'm this is this is my person By the way, my personnel first off. I do not curse 24 seven in my personal life I rarely ever curse actually in my life. I only cur I use Explodives to enhance the sentence for my videos. Okay So just know that so Where was I going god? I go off on tangents. So let me go back and read this again uh So, you know, I don't know. You know what matters most How do you feel? How do you feel about how do you feel about my content? How do you what do your friends tell you about you? Ask the people who love you to critique you Sometimes they can be by the way. Well, actually we have to be careful of that because if they haven't read the four agreements Be impeccable with your word Always do your best. Remember people's People's perception of you is oftentimes a projection or a judgment and never make assumptions So, you know what read this book and You know what you're going to be doing just fine All right, our last question Miss uh lorraine says love that book exactly. Thank you Um All right Katrina says you're a realist FL says you're definitely not alarmist. I feel like that sometimes uh Bump um All right Last question of the night before I go ahead and by the way, I'm connecting with my son We're gonna head out for jacuzzi before the evening ends. All right, since a few of you asked about the woman I'm seeing the long distance relationship. We're meeting tomorrow. We've got a couple things planned for the weekend Uh, what am I gonna be wearing? I have no idea what I'm gonna be wearing kimberley I know you asked but I have no idea what I'm gonna be wearing um You know Long distance is a prob. It's difficult. Okay. It's difficult on so many different levels And we're most likely going to have a very serious chat either during the time together or shortly thereafter because There's no guarantees It takes time to build real trust with another human being to build that level of real connection And it's difficult to do it over the telephone because of false intimacy And really because 80 percent of communication is non-verbal so, um, you know, I'm I'm going in with this, um You know, not overly optimistic, but you know, I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful but at the same time. I'm a realist And she's a realist. So we're to some degree. We're living in the moment and just seeing how it goes That's what dating is all about Part of it's living in the moment and seeing how it goes But do it with people who actually can have real conversations and because she and I are vulnerable authentic and transparent with one another And we're intentional We at least have the building blocks to maybe make something happen of this and if it doesn't happen That's okay, too. That's okay, too Okay all right folks Thought I'd share that with you Debra says I think your positive attitude is contagious. Thank you so much. I appreciate that All right. Well, listen, I hope you got value. Why men pull away when things are getting serious oftentimes there's either dysfunctionality confusion And most of all a lot of pain People are experiencing a lot of pain and they're afraid It sucks out there Yeah, people are falling in love all the time So what can you do to change your narrative? Read the books? I recommend schedule a coaching call with me um Do the work because whether you find a relationship or not what's most important is the relationship you have with yourself as uh, I think it's ester perl said the the quality of your life is based on the Quality of the relationships you have and it starts with the relationship with yourself and that's my invitation for everyone All right, I think this would be a good place to stop right now um Leah says good luck tomorrow. You deserve to be happy. I am happy. I am happy. I'm happy folks But thank you. I appreciate that All right, good place to wrap up if you found value, please like this video Please subscribe to my channel. Please share this with your friends post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts on this so you don't make me all go psycho roommate on you And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic shot the mark of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear and pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank lisa and glenn and catarina and stephanie and carrie and miss lorado Something and live live love and rock on the great musicians liya waning moonrise susanne tin heather alexandra diana Love the name diana alain f.l. Mary Ann kathryn susanne x lights at crystal everyone Thank you so much wishing you a wonderful super fantastic day Don't forget to buy a super sticker before you sign off donate to the conor asley scholarship fund. I'd be so grateful All right, everyone. Hope you enjoyed it. Take care