 Good evening, everyone. My name is Butch Ladyman, and we have an important breaking news story here at Sheboygan News. SNEWS Sheboygan News. All the snooze you need. Tonight's story is out of this world. We are hearing that a Russian satellite by the name of Spunk Kick, I think I got that right, has broken up in the Earth's atmosphere and is falling back to Earth. My colleague here at Sheboygan News, Nick Beat, will explain what we know so far. Cool and daddy-o, everything's chill. No need to wig out. Can you dig it? Sputnik's up there grooving through the night sky, burning, burning like a fabulous yellow Roman candle, exploding like spiders across the stars. I'm hearing the latest from the highest authorities. Ladies and gentlemen, the Sheboygan Press is reporting that Sputnik's flight path is taking it from east to west across the Atlantic Ocean, heading towards the United States. Let me say that again. Sputnik is heading for the United States. Could you show us the projected flight path, Nick? Well, grooving, man. Looks like it's starred somewhere over there, and it's heading somewhere over here. Who cares, baby? We're just a bunch of angel-headed hipsters anyway, burning for the ancient, heavenly connection to the starry, dynamo in the machinery of night. More news, good people. Brought to you by SNEWS, Sheboygan News, all the snooze you need. The press is now reporting that debris from Sputnik is going to touch down in the Midwest Great Lakes region. No exact location yet. We will keep you informed. This is an historic occasion, Nick. History, mystery, blistery, butch, baby. It's all the same thing. Crazy. Tonight the stars will be out, and all the people will look up and dream of the immensity of all of it. And realize that God is poo-bear. Can you dig it? Sheboygan? It's Sheboygan. We are told that Sputnik is going to hit Sheboygan. Stay inside, everybody, and wait for instructions from the authorities. Just do as you are told, and don't panic! Don't panic! Wow. That's cool, man. The apocalypse. Groovy.