 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike! Ego Lucky, get better taste today! Friends, smoking enjoyment depends on taste and taste alone. Yes, in a cigarette, it's the taste that makes the difference. And you can taste the difference in a Lucky Strike. So mild, so smooth, so firm and fresh with better taste in every puff. Yes, Lucky's taste better, and here's why. First, LS MFT. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Fine mild tobacco that tastes better. There's no substitute for fine tobacco and don't let anybody tell you different. Second, Lucky's are made to taste better. In fact, they're the best made of all five principle brands. Yes, that's a fact. Established by tests, measuring those important factors of workmanship that affect the taste of cigarettes. Tests made in the research laboratory of the American Tobacco Company and verified by leading independent laboratory consultants. So remember, your smoking enjoyment depends on taste and taste alone. And you will find Lucky's taste better. Always so mild, so smooth, so firm and fresh with better taste in every puff. Make your next carton, Lucky Strike. Be happy, go Lucky, go Lucky Strike today. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Mrs. Don Wilson. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the star of the Lucky Strike program, Jack Benny. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking and Mrs. Wilson. I must say you read that introduction beautifully. Thank you. Now, if Don were introducing me, he would have tried. Hey, Jackson, what's going on? Why isn't Wilson here? Because last Sunday on my television show, he made one little mistake. Just one little mistake and he had a nervous breakdown. No. Yes, at the close of my television show, Don was supposed to say, be happy, go Lucky. But somehow he got mixed up and said, be Lucky, go Happy. It was nothing. Well, you say it's nothing because you don't understand the complexities of emotional reactions. Complexities of emotional reactions? And I know what I'm talking about. I once made a mistake. And for months, I couldn't look people in the eye. I was shunned, a social outcast. My friends wouldn't talk to me. Phil, for heaven's sake, what did you do? I put a cherry and a martini. No. A cherry and a martini? Why, Phil, I don't blame your friends for shunning you. I didn't mind that, but they tied me to a post and gave me 20 lices with a swizzle stick. Phil, go sit down and stop making up jokes. Now, Mrs. Wilson, is Don really so upset about that mistake he made that he couldn't come to work? Oh, yes, Mr. Benny. Last Sunday, when he came home right after the television show, I had to coax him to the dinner table. He just sipped at the consomme and nibbled at the salad. But I knew something was wrong when he didn't eat the T-bone. Don didn't eat the steak? No, the bone. He ate the steak. Wait a minute, Mrs. Wilson. You mean to say when Don eats the steak, eats the bones too? That's why we had to get rid of our dogs. Such fights. Oh, I can imagine, but Mrs. Wilson, if Don is as broken up as you say he is, I better call and reassure him that his little mistake was nothing. After all, anybody could have said be lucky go happy instead of be happy go lucky. Such a serious thing. Hello, Don Wilson's residence. Jack Benny calling. Is this the butler? No, this is the doctor. Doctor? Oh, my goodness. How long have you been there? Oh, I've been taking care of Mr. Wilson for the past week. Past week? He also has a nurse. A nurse, too? Oh, my goodness. He must be a nervous wreck. Well, tell me, doctor, when do you think Mr. Wilson will be ready to go back to work? Well, when is your next television show? Five weeks from now, March 9th. Oh, good, good. By then, I'm sure he will have calmed down enough to shave. Shave? Yes, in his present condition. I wouldn't dare let him have anything sharp. But this is ridiculous. Just because he made a little mistake and said be lucky go happy? Doctor, let me talk to him. I'm afraid he won't talk to anybody. He jumped out of bed this morning and shut himself in the closet. Well, you tell him it's Jack Benny calling. No, yes, sir. Hold on. Oh, Mr. Wilson. It's be happy go lucky, be happy go lucky, be happy go lucky. It isn't be lucky go happy. It's be happy go lucky, be happy go lucky. So simple. How did I ever mix it up? I never mixed up that other one. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime. Why couldn't I have said be happy go lucky, be happy go lucky. Mr. Wilson. Be happy go lucky. Mr. Benny. Yes, doctor. What did Mr. Wilson say? Be happy go lucky. Well, at least he's getting it right. Goodbye, doctor. Goodbye. Did you talk to Don, Mr. Benny? No, Mr. Wilson. He shut himself up in the closet and the doctor can't get him out. Oh dear, I hope he isn't stuck again. Again? Yes. The last time he made a mistake, he forced himself into a closet. We had to break down the wall to get him out. The last time he made a mistake? Yes, don't you remember? Two years ago, in one of your programs, he was supposed to say, I saw it in Drew Pearson's column. But instead of saying Drew Pearson, he said Dreer Pooson. Oh, yes. Well, don't worry about it, Mrs. Wilson. I'm sure Don will be all right pretty soon. Now kids, let's get on with the show. Hello, Mr. Benny. Well, Dennis, it's about time you got here. I hope you have a good excuse for being late. Oh, I have. You see, I was walking down the street and I passed a gas station. There was a car standing there getting gas. And you had to stop and watch the car getting gasoline? Oh, it wasn't that. There was a dog in the back seat of the car that attracted my attention. A white French poodle. Oh, well that is a rare species. Yeah. The man told me the dog was worth over $2,000. Gee. And while I was standing there, the attendant happened to accidentally spill some gasoline on the ground. And before the man could stop him, the dog jumped out of the car and lapped up all the gasoline. Gosh. And then he made a crazy dash down the street and when he got about two blocks away, he suddenly stopped and flopped right over on his side. Dead? No, he ran out of gas. Dennis. Dennis. Hey, Phil, look how red he's getting. Yeah. You told me that story would burn him up. Phil, did you give Dennis that story? Yeah, Jackson Loosen up laughily. That's a funny story. It's funny. It's funny. Dennis, how much did Phil charge you for that story? Oh, he didn't charge me anything. It was an exchange. An exchange? Yeah, he told me the story and I told him all about the complexities of emotional reactions. I wondered where he got it. Now I'm wondering where you got it. The doctor wrote it on my birth certificate. That I can believe. Now look, it is time for your song, so let's have it. Okay. Oh, hold it a minute, kid. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Mr. Wilson's doctor. Yes, yes. We just x-rayed Mr. Wilson and found some broken bones. Broken bones? Where? In his stomach. Tell Mrs. Wilson he finished his dinner. I will, I will. Same Dennis. It's some talk. Cloud that cried sung by Dennis Day and accompanied by Phil Harris and his Gruen wristwatch orchestra. And now folks. Well, that's a new one. Jackson, why did you call my band the Gruen wristwatch orchestra? Phil, if I've got to listen to them, I might as well get something for it. Now, wait a minute, Jackson. You have just cast dispersions on a musical group that only last week played at the formal opening of the Pismo Beach grunion festival. Very funny, Phil, but I happen to know that last week those little fish called grunion weren't running. That's why the committee hired my band. What? They put my boys on a barge, towed them three miles out. They played, that's what I like about the south, and the grunion hit the beach like it was D-Day. Really drove the fish out of the water, huh? Well, I don't want to brag, but it was the first time they had halibut dancing in the streets at Oxenard. No, no, Phil, that's not bragging. If you did it, you did it. However, tomorrow I'm taking a rumble lesson at Arthur Murray's, and if my partner turns out to be a flounder, I'm going to punch you right in the nose. So Phil, the next time I say anything about your boys, just let it go. Oh, Mr. Benny. Yes, Dennis? How come Mary isn't here? Huh? Oh, oh, Mary's in Palm Springs. See, next week I have to go to New York. Mary's going with me, so I thought I'd let her take a little vacation. You never give me a vacation. Well, Dennis, when I give Mary a week off, we can fill in with more dialogue, but it's difficult to have a program without a song, so I can't do without a singer. Excuses, excuses. Huh? You gave Kenny Baker a vacation. What? He's been gone 12 years. Dennis. When's he coming back? I'm getting tired. Dennis, I didn't give Kenny Baker a vacation. He left because of another job that paid more money. Gee, didn't that upset you? No, I was his agent. Anyway, Dennis, that must be Don Wilson's doctor with another report. Hello? I have a long distance call from Mr. Jack Benny from Palm Springs. Oh, this is Jack Benny. One moment, please. Palm Springs, Biltmore Hotel. I have Ms. Livingston's party. I'm sorry, but Ms. Livingston went out to play golf about 10 minutes ago. Mr. Benny, Ms. Livingston's not in now. Gee, and I was so anxious to talk to her. If you like, you can talk to me. To you? Yes, I have a message for you. Oh, what is it? Will you go over to Ms. Livingston's house and leave a note for the milkman? Certainly. What shall I say? Just say sorry. I couldn't meet you last night. Ms. Livingston wants me to leave that note for the milkman? No, I do. I get to town once in a while, kid. OK, I'll do that for you. Now, when Ms. Livingston comes back, I'll tell her, AHHHH! Ms., Ms., what frightened you? Two mackerel just came through the lobby and they were dancing. Gee, Phil's orchestra really drove them inland. What did you say? Nothing, nothing. Goodbye. Now, Phil, since Don didn't prepare a commercial for the sportsman, you will have to- Just a minute, Mr. Benny. Yes, Mrs. Wilson. I have a commercial for the sportsman to do. In fact, we rehearsed it this morning, didn't we, boys? Well, Mrs. Wilson, I think it's wonderful that you- Oh, excuse me. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. Rochester, what did you call for? I want to ask you, boys, how long will you be in New York? About a week. You want me to run the usual ad in the paper? What ad? About running your house while you're gone. No, Rochester, not for just one week, you know. Boss, you sure are a change man. What do you mean? You once ran your house when you went to the movie. It was a Jane Russell picture, and I didn't know when I'd get back. Now, Rochester, hang up and get back to your work. Boss, I have been working. I wash the dishes, polish the silver, vacuum the rubs, wax the floors, mop the kitchen, and after I finish listening to your program, I'm going to clean the woodwork and wash the windows. Wait a minute. You're taking time out to listen to my program? What do you mean, time out? That's word two. Oh, well, Rochester, I'll be home right after the show. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. Now what? Mr. Wolfie Gilbert was here to see you. Wolfie Gilbert? The songwriter? Yeah, I told him you were at the studio, and he's on his way down to see you right now. Oh, that's wonderful. Rochester, did you tell him about the song I wrote? No, boss. Why not? That and how you look in the morning are my guarded secrets. Well, I'll tell him myself when he gets here. Goodbye. Hey, kids. Wolfie Gilbert, the songwriter's coming over to see me. What a songwriter. You know, he wrote Waiting for the Robert E. Lee, Down Yonder, The Peanut Vendor, Lilac Time, and oh, a great bunch of songs. She'll be glad to see him. Now, Mrs. Wilson, before he gets here, we better do the commercial. What's the thing you've prepared with the boys? Well, Mr. Benny, since Don is so upset over the mistake he made on your television show, I thought it would be nice if the boys sang something to cheer him up a little. Well, good. Don will probably be listening to it. Take it, boys. Be lucky and go happy. That is what Don Wilson said. Now, 40 million people know why he is sick in bed. But don't you worry, Don. Oh boy, you'll still collect your pay. If in the future you make sure that this is what you say. Be happy. Go lucky. Be happy. Get better. Taste me happy. Go lucky. Go lucky. Strike today. Get out of bed and take a walk. The air will do you good. Don't try to hide to save your pride. Your fluff was understood. Why any one of us could make a similar mistake. But don't feel bad. Just watch it. Dad, be right for goodness sake. Be happy. Go lucky. Be happy. Get better. Taste me happy. Go lucky. Go lucky. Strike today. Be happy and go lucky is a slogan you know well. So say it right on Sunday night or I will get bonzelle. Be happy. Taste me happy. Go lucky. Go lucky. Strike today. Now that was wonderful Mrs. Wilson. And if Don heard it, I'm sure it must have brightened up his little closet. Now kids, as soon as we, hey, that must be Wolfie Gilbert now. Come in. Hello Jack. Wolfie. Wolfie, it certainly is a pleasure to see you. Well, I stopped over at your house and Rochester sent me to the studio. Yes, I know, I know. And Jack, I wish you'd tell Mary. I'm sorry that I only had a dime. What are you talking about? Mary's in Palm Springs. She is. Yes. Well, who's that girl who checked my hat? Oh, that's Barbara Stanwyck. Barbara Stanwyck checking hats for you? Wasn't she on your television show last Sunday? Yes, and she didn't read the fine print in her content. Now Wolfie, I'd like you to meet my orchestra leader, O'Fell. This is Mr. Gilbert, the famous songwriter. Glad to know you, Gilbert. We're Sullivan. This isn't Gilbert and Sullivan. This is Wolfie Gilbert. He had nothing to do with Sullivan. Now Dennis, come here. Now Dennis, don't you want to shake hands with Mr. Gilbert? Sure, not. He wouldn't be after having anything to do with the Sullivan and Truth we got in bad tests to him, too. Dennis, behave yourself. Now Wolfie, how he got mixed up with an Irish line. A straight line, yes, but an Irish line. This I will never figure out. Now Wolfie, was there something special you wanted to see me about? Yes, Jack. I really had a trip to make over here. I wanted to talk to you about the song you wrote. I heard that you've been having a little bad luck, I mean about publishing. Well, trouble with it. Yes, and frankly, I can't understand it, Wolfie. I wrote my song three months ago, and it still isn't on the hip parade. I haven't even been able to get it published. Well, Jack, believe me, it's nothing to worry about. You mustn't become discouraged. You know it isn't easy to get a song to be ahead. But Wolfie, you didn't have any trouble. Look at Robert E. Lee, Lilac Time, the peanut vendor. And how about your latest hit, Down Yonder? Everybody is singing that. Yes, I know, Jack. I'm grateful. But that's what I wanted to tell you. It's true, Down Yonder is a hit today. When I wrote that song 30 years ago, it was a flop. Down Yonder was a flop? Jack today is a big hit. I know, I know. Well, so you see, Jack, 30 years from now, your song may be a success too. I mean, but who can wait that long? I'm 39 now. In 30 years, I'll be 45. By the way, how old are you? 65. And they call you Wolfie. Quiet, Bill. By the way, why do they call you Wolfie? Well, I didn't spend all my time waiting for the Robert E. Lee. You know, that waiting for the Robert E. Lee was a great song too. Now, Wolfie, as one composer to another, how do you... Wolfie, how do you go about writing your songs? Jack, it is really inspiration, mostly inspiration. Now, you take Robert E. Lee. I happened to be in New Orleans one morning. I was sitting on the levee looking over the broad Mississippi. It was a beautiful day and I felt wonderful. As I watched this solitary riverboat loom out of the morning haze and majestically drift by an idea, some words and lyric came to my mind and I just had to put it down on paper. Now tell me, Jack, what inspired you to write your song? Well, it's an amazing coincidence, Wolfie. One day I came home after a broadcast. It was a dismal, rainy day. I had a headache. My stomach was upset. My feet hurt. And as I walked into the house, I tripped and broke my glasses and split my lip. Then I sat down and wrote, when you say I beg your pardon, then I'll come back to you. And yet, from the lyrics and music of my song, you'd never guess how much I was suffering, would you? Who's got enough money in the bank to answer that? Well, be quiet. Well, anyway, Wolfie, I do want to thank you for your advice and it made me feel a whole lot better. But as long as you're here, how about you and I doing one of the numbers you wrote? Robert E. Lee, how about it, folks? Now, Wolfie, I'll get my violin and you start the verse and we'll each take a part of it, the quartet too. Wait till I get my violin. Okay, boys, let's have it. We're down on the levee in Old Alabama. The daddy and mammy leave from in Sammy on a more life. Night you can find them all while they're waiting. The banjos are sick of painting. What's that they're saying? What's that they're saying while they keep playing? I'm humming and swaying in the good ship. Robert E. Lee, that's come to carry the cotton away. Watch them shuffling along. See them shuffling along. Oh, take your belly down. You'll really have. Go down to the levee. I said the levee and just join that shuffle and throng. Hear that music and song. It's simply great, mate. Waiting on the levee. Waiting on the levee. Here I come, folks. Thank you, Wolfie. Thank you very much. You're an inspiration to young songwriters. Thanks, Jack. I hope I inspired you, too. You did. You did. So long, Wolfie. Goodbye, Jack. Ladies and gentlemen, your armed forces are short of 300,000 pints of blood a month, a shortage that may cost us thousands of American lives. We know you are going to give blood. We ask that you give it now. While you're Red Cross today, this is an urgent request. Remember, a gift of blood is a gift from the heart. Thank you. Mr. Benny, we'll be back in just a moment. But first... Friends, whenever you want the smooth, mellow, completely enjoyable taste of truly fine tobacco, reach for a lucky. For the difference between just smoking and really enjoying your smoke is the taste of a cigarette. And luckies taste better for two important reasons. First, LSMFT. Lucky strike means fine tobacco. Fine mild tobacco that tastes better. There's no substitute for fine tobacco and don't let anybody tell you different. Second, luckies are made to taste better. In fact, they're the best made of all five principal brands. Yes, you'll be happy when you go lucky because luckies taste better. So mild, so smooth, so firm and fresh with better taste in every puff. So next time you buy cigarettes, try a carton of luckies. You'll find luckies taste better. Be happy, go lucky, go luckies like today. Well, folks, this ends another show. We'll be with you again next Sunday night at the very same... Excuse me, man. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Don Wilson's doctor. Oh, yes, doctor. Is Don feeling better? Yes, I'm happy to report that he came out of the closet. I took his pulse and it's normal. His heart beat is strong. His blood pressure is fine. I took his temperature and it's 46. 46? Isn't that a little low? Not for a man who's hiding in the deep freeze. Well, when he thaws out, tell him that I hope he'll be better soon. Goodbye. Thank you by Lucky Strike, product of the American Tobacco Company. America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. This is Mrs. Don Wilson reminding you to listen to your hit parades with Guy Lombardo every Thursday night presented by Lucky Strike. Consult your newspaper for time and station. Exactly, any program is being selected as one of the programs to be heard by our armed forces overseas to the facilities of the Armed Forces Radio Service. Stay tuned for the end of the show which follows immediately. This is the CBS Radio Network.