 So they say men are only interested in looks when it comes to a woman and a woman is only Interested in a man if he has resources or status. So what are your thoughts on that? Well, I can't speak for a woman. Well, were you that kind of woman that only wants a man for status and resources? Obviously not. Oh, so what was it about me then? For me it was integrity. Okay, I mean, it's not my devastating looks and the $35 I have in the bank account So what do you think a man? Okay, so if they say Women want status and resources and when men want only beauty. Do you think a man can only be satisfied with a woman's beauty? I don't know. Not speaking for all men I'm not speaking for men. Well speaking as a man who is with what I believe is the most gorgeous woman on this planet There's a lot more than looks For men who are sincerely want a relationship. Would you agree with that? Absolutely. Now, but you probably have had men that were only interested in you and looks or looks I should say. I Don't know. Well, I would like to not think that. Okay Now, let me ask you this though and I suspect our audience believes well, Marie is gorgeous You know, she can have any guy she wants and yet you've told me stories where you've been ghosted by guys, right? Oh, yeah, okay, and you've had men be flaky well, look men are The same as us in many ways, you know, they're picky and stuff and if you don't fit their mold You know, don't one thing I can't stand as somebody that just doesn't say what they mean They'll say something else and then they'll know they ghost you and I don't I think you know That's kind of indicative of our times today and dating and relationships I think people men and women treat each other as disposable and What's an interestingly enough because there's been a lot of comments to say women are way too picky men will say women are Way too picky. It's all focused on looks on their part and they don't look at a man's character and integrity and that sort of thing And men only care about sex and if they can't get laid on the first second or third date, they're out the door Well, they're the wrong guy. Yeah Well, I just didn't I didn't I didn't put it with nonsense So if if there wasn't any kind of rapport, I didn't I didn't want anything to do with them, right? So, okay, so you didn't put up with nonsense Oh, but I think ultimately you've had several Relationships in your life where it was just more than your looks. It was more than the beauty. Am I right? Well, I would hope that people see me for who I really am and not You know this was God-given. Yeah This I work on. Yeah, so like no, so okay So when I shared with you the topic today, I asked you what do you think men want from a woman? More than beauty and what was the first thing you said respect respect? Okay. Now, what are your thoughts on respect? Well, it's got to be a mutual respect. Yeah Well, have you ever been I've ever found yourself and I'm gonna talk about respect in a moment for myself But for with respects to what I feel but have you ever found yourself in a circumstance dating someone Where you noticed there was something out of integrity and maybe you found yourself Respecting that person less That's a hard one Yeah, I'm sure that happened But in the moment I wasn't aware of it. I just thought okay, we're not a match Yeah, so let me share something that happened between the two of us and then I'd like you to do the same So when we first started dating, oh by the way I was worried when he asked me because I know because she feels like I'm putting her on the spot So let me share with you when we had our first date you and I don't want to share the particulars with our audience But you shared something and I said, you know what I have a great deal of respect for you Because of the way you handled something. Do you remember? I don't know if you remember the particular Okay, but one of the things I admired in you know, what was your transparency? Okay, remember that? Yeah, okay And I said I really respect you for your transparency. So What was something you respected about me early on? Um, well, I didn't know a lot about you because you you know, he assumed that I was watching his videos And I never saw one of his videos But I didn't respect knowing his story how this all came about and how You know, you started this business from nothing And and you just kind of evolved into it because of all the work that you had done Just to know women better So So I'll be candid with you I felt you know, like well you even said before we met you saw that I was a coach a speaker and author And you were even a little intimidated by me Yes, okay, but I thought he was tony robbins I'm not even close to tony robbins. And by the way, he's eight inches tall. No, he's six eight So it's six inches taller than me. He's a half a foot taller me So I'm not even close to tony robbins. But I will say this I one of the things I appreciated about you Was that I could feel your genuine respect towards me And your respect wasn't just admiring me because what we're talking about is admiration Your respect was the way I took care of things the way I handle things you you always gave me the benefit Or you have always given me the benefit of the doubt even when we've had disagreements. I've I have not Once felt Disrespected by you. And when we think about respect, it's oftentimes the opposite. It's being Disrespected when we feel not respected. Am I making sense? You know, I've always subscribed to the golden rule And if I want respect, I have to give respect. Yeah and Well, I'm just going to share with you that I have felt respected and certainly to go with your looks and go with The title of this it's more than just your beauty. Number one has been that you've treated me with respect So let's go through the list I've created here Number two, what do you think? Well, do you remember what I shared with you? What number two was? No, I think I guessed it Appreciation Let me share something most men's I'm going to say their number one complaint For those Then this is just the male perspective and ladies I want you to also experience the same things of respect and what I've just shared now is appreciation I think a lot of men are in relationships with women where they don't feel appreciated for their efforts Yeah, but that goes both ways Yeah, of course it goes both ways, but you know and the thing is I'm not a big fan of the words. Thank you Okay, not that I dislike. Thank you, but I like the words appreciation. So remember we went to cosco today And I ended up picking up the tab at the end, you know, even though you said you wanted to split it I took care of it. Do you remember what you said next? I appreciate. Yeah, I appreciate you. You know folks the words Appreciation is is so much more powerful the words appreciation gratitude. I'm grateful for you Using these words can really pay so many dividends. And by the way, as you said, I think Well, you ended up picking up the salad later and I said, I really appreciated that So I want to encourage everyone to start using the words appreciation gratitude grateful in your Languaging because these words trigger something more than just the physical attributes of a relationship It triggers a real bonding with another person. So I appreciate you. I appreciate you. Well, thank you Okay, number two is problem number three. Excuse me is probably the obvious of all of these and that's physical touch Okay, now obviously we're talking about the partially the five love languages But guys are, you know, just beyond looks we I think humans want to experience Physical touch, right? Yes. Okay. You like cuddling and spooning and all that stuff and and men actually appreciate that as well I might have told you the story. I know I've told my audience before I was on a first date with a woman well before I met you and I remember she was just lightly touching my hand during the date Now that was a signal that she liked me But we men like that sort of physical touch So when you're on a first date with a guy make sure that if you like this person touch here, touch me I can be playful is what i'm talking about but certainly men want more than just the looks is to physically connect with you Feeling desired. Oh, absolutely feeling desired And it's it's not just and we could also include the words to go with the physical touch I mean, I'm actually kind of outlining the five love languages And if you're not familiar with the five love languages, I highly recommend checking out the book Ah, where is it? Folks here it is It's the book called the five love languages by gary Chapman by the way in the description below is a link to all the books I recommend But in that physical touch is probably men's Number two or three or first love language Where does it rank for you? Physical touch it's in the top three isn't the top three. Okay. Okay What is your top one? Mine are pretty even. I know you said it's even I always think it's quality time I think that's probably your number one is you really appreciate good conversation good quality time our morning coffee But again men certainly appreciate physical touch more than beauty number four And this is really critically important. It comes back like respect is acceptance Give a thought that's not one of the love languages It's not one of the love language good good memory. Um, so within I think acceptance is that capacity To truly just be yourself when you're with another person when you can accept that person warts and all You know and you can still and you can be yourself and they can be themselves see We know couples and I don't want to name any names We know a number of couples where a lot of times the the couples criticize each other frequently They don't like aspects of their partner Well, we do it to each other though. Well, no, well, no, but we we do it each other in play We know each other's but we also accept it I think when but you don't complain with any of your girlfriends for that stuff But when you hear some of your girlfriends complaining about their partner, it's really saying I don't accept them for who they are I want to change them I I just I always wonder when people are talking about their partner to somebody else. Yeah Um, why are they together? Yeah, why don't they talk about it? Why don't they heal it or fix it? And by the way, you know, here's the thing I'm not here to suggest accepting bad behavior from a man But when a man genuinely I know in our case when because I feel so accept in our relationship and look I stick my foot in my mouth with you habitually And you do certain things that create on me, but it's not it's but the thing is I still I think you still accept me Even in those things that are annoying and I accept you in those things that are annoying. I'm not trying to change you I know you're perfect. You're a unicorn. I get it Okay, so and then the last one That men want more than beauty and I think this is this is my favorite of all of these And by the way, you could I could have come up with a list of seven I could have come up with a list of 10 I just came up for five for our video today But these are three in the same venue and it's easy going Chill and agreeable easy going chill and agreeable now Easy so, you know, I think you're easy going chill and agreeable When I want to say about agreeable I'm not talking about doormat. I'm not talking about someone who just says yes to everything But there are some people who are and I've been in relationship with someone like that If I said black, they would say white if I said blue, they would say gold if I said this restaurant It'd be another restaurant, you know type of thing I think one of the things men want and women want as well is people that are easy going chill and agreeable Well, it's like any relationship. You've got to pick and choose your battles. Sure. So like what restaurant? I don't care That's fine. Whatever you picked out. That's fine. Well, but if I really want sushi and you want italian I'm going to say something. Okay. So it's not that you're being subservient you're not being What's the other word? I'm thinking of it subordinate. You're not being docile when I say agreeable It's just that you know, the thing is I think with a lot of women and men They they would rather be right than be happy I think that's what an easy going chill and agreeable is about is I'd rather be Happy than being right and I think for a lot of men and women and women This is certainly coming from the male perspective. I've gone on dates, you know prior to meeting you where it was got pulling teeth To try to make someone happy Instead of just a pre and it comes back to appreciation acceptance Respect, I think that's all wrapped up in agreeableness because when you genuinely oh Just something occurs to me When you trust someone You tend to be more agreeable with them well Maybe but like like for me when you know, well sometimes we go back and forth to Like oh, you want to do this or you want to do that? Oh, whatever you want Okay, but I'm saying but there's a sense of calm. There's a sense of peace There's a sense of trust if you were mistrusting of someone if you were doubting of someone if you weren't Feeling like they had your best interest at hand Then there's a chance you may not be agreeable because there's something else in the way Of actually going deeper into a relationship because I think people who are chill agreeable Easy going and I think people who are two givers yes well, there's a tony robbins quote that um What's wrong with relationships is a lot of people go into into them expecting to get You know make me happy But when you get two people that are Givers then that's what makes a relationship. I totally agree with that And I'd like to think we're both givers in this relationship. Okay, so okay So here's the thing, you know what? Yes. We men are the first thing we see is the looks. Okay Let's just be realistic here. It's the whole swiping You know methodology is based on looks for both men and women alike It's the first thing we feel the first thing we see Well, not feel I mean we we see and then we feel someone about looks but ultimately what a man really wants in a relationship Goes beyond the looks. It's about the respect. It's about the appreciation. It's about the physical touch It's about acceptance. It's about being with someone where you feel at ease with them And they feel at ease with you and as I said if we wrap this all up in a in a nice bow It's all about when you feel a sense of trust and commitment You can just be yourself with that person and hopefully all of these kind of trickle down along with it Degree I agree. Okay. Hey, by the way, folks. Is this making sense? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on that Okay, for those that know our live streams. We are going to take questions now If you have a question for either Marie or myself write the word question Then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat It's the little dollar sign in the chat box all of the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund In the name of my son Connor Asley. He's a pictured right there right behind Marie the little guy there He's my son who passed away almost five years ago in his honor. I donate to causes like the Hoffman Institute Insights seminars and now our columbian one which is seeds of love seeds of love which helps Children with terminal diseases who have been abandoned by their parents and there's an organization that does their best to care for these children So if you do donate tonight, I'm going to make sure everything that's donated tonight is going to go to seeds of love So we'd really like to get Some contributions for that. Okay, and if you're watching the replay, please hit that super. Thanks button All right, let's see what we got. Oh, hey, we already got our first super sticker $4.99 let Marcy know we're going to send her some money For the cause. Thank you so much Okay, um patricia A guy asked me out to lunch and mentioned a restaurant and hesitated and he said if you're not feeling good about that restaurant You can choose another one. No problem. I liked him for that Well, that's nice, you know what we men, you know, there's this interesting bad rap. I think we get If a man asks a woman what she'd like to do he doesn't he's not confident He's not secure a man should always know But the thing is when a guy wants to ask you it's because he wants to make you happy And some women think that men are mind readers Well, oh, yeah, exactly But the interesting thing is Okay, so coming back to that we want to make you happy But we get criticized for lacking a backbone for lacking confidence when it's really just I want to do what makes you happy Now this is where you can get into trouble because you do the same with me I want to do want to find out what you want to do and you're like, I don't care Why don't you just pick and it's like well, then I'm like, oh my gosh, you know Does she want this does she want that? Thankfully we have our routine. By the way, we're going to El Torrito tonight For happy hour But again, I think that's a great comment that you make patricia I really appreciate that he did that for you and I think Men who ask They're really just doing it because they want to make you happy Okay, donna writes Question How do you both feel about a man who dumps a woman because he says he likes you a lot but hates the shape of your face And you don't have a good voice Ah What do I think about that he's an asshole You know, it's funny because I I think if even if there's something about a person you don't like You know, I what's that um, you know good manners is not Yeah, that was deliberately hurtful. Yeah, that that was just not nice I think there was something else that bothered him But he wanted to make it that but he wanted to dig so there was a there was a part of him donna That my suspicion is somehow he was wounded in his past And he's taking out that wound on you and so whatever happened in your dynamic He felt that he had to take it out on you. It doesn't make it right. I'm just giving you an understanding of why I believe this happened But he's a dick Do we agree? Absolutely. Okay All right, let's keep going cat arena writes What is the most challenging thing in your relationship? If any by the way, I love the dynamic between the two of you You know, you actually told me about that earlier today. I don't know if you remember It's about travel. Oh, yeah, he's like you would want me to travel every day of the week if you had your choice Um So, okay, I think our dynamic is um, I'm a nervous traveler to boot Do you want to comment on that? Um, I have traveled a lot and you know, you have to be able to go with the flow Yeah, you know, not everything is going to work out exactly the way you think it's going to work out Whereas I just think yeah, it'll in the end. It'll be fine Jonathan Actually is nervous that things are going to go wrong Because I grew up with a mother like that or a father like that I should say where to me It's all part of the experience that oh, you know, it's kind of like Having this great plan of doing this outdoor activity and it starts pouring rain. Well, you can still go out there You'll just well, it'll be a different kind of fun I think the real issue is you don't I haven't learned to really trust you yet Okay, okay. Now. It's not that it can't happen or won't happen. It's just we haven't done enough Where I feel that sense of trust. Okay. Okay. That's not so okay. That's one thing I'm not going to throw you under the bus of what my issue is But I will say this you have a habit of talking in stories Oh, yeah And sometimes they go on and on and on and that's why he cuts me off sometimes. I don't cut you off here Everybody says I cut you off. It's not I know you've paused so anyways Katarina, I think that's a couple of the things but one thing and we were listening to a video right beforehand folks in relationship Two people who have done healing work that have healed their childhood wounds that have healed their traumas or their adult traumas like a Devastating divorce and going to something like the naked Divorce or naked recovery going to a place like that to heal from an ending of a relationship The fact the matter is is you still bring wounds to this new relationship. You and I have childhood wounds that sometimes surface That get triggered because something I did or said or something you did or said triggers a childhood wound The benefit about being in relationship with a partner who says or at least Not that we've said declared this out. Well, we have declared this out loud I'm here. I'm here to be part. We're we're teammates in one another and that includes the good stuff and healing the stuff That comes from our childhood or our adult traumas So recognize that there's still more healing that's done and it typically or is best to do when you're in relationship with one Another person who says I want to help you heal. I hope you feel that for me Yeah And I feel that from you as well. Okay. Anyways, katerina being able to talk about it like not Not all men are willing to talk about those things No, I think one of the biggest challenge women have in the dating process is that they're you know A lot of men have weak emotional IQ They have weak emotional maturity weak relationship skills. I get it ladies You're struggling out there. This is one of the reasons why I created my private coaching Is I was just telling a client today My job is to help you weed out the 90 out of 100 guys that are Emotionally constipated You know and they're emotionally inapt And so what I've done is I've created a private I have my in my private coaching program I have a section in it called radical honesty pre-qualifying your prospect And what that means is we develop questions based on your personality to weed out those emotionally constipated men So you can start attracting in the guy who has the capacity to have deeper dialogue with you Okay All right, let's go on to the next question Do men call you babe if he just wants to be friends or he's headed that way My friend has started doing that at the end of phone conversations I wouldn't read that much into that You know, I say terms of endearment to clients. I say terms of endearment to friends You know, I I I think what babe is a different kind of term of endearment like sweetheart I think that could be like I could even call tammy a sweetheart I don't think I'd call her babe. It's some it's a friend of mine or or like laura your friend People's personalities are like like some I've had people Hey My growth my ex-brother-in-law. He calls me babe. Okay, so You said not to read into that so and that was Marie makes a good point The actions that he has following that is what matters most You know, I see a lot of women that get hung up on men because they gave some affection And they're holding on or they give some attention Let me ladies you have a capacity to read a little bit of attention or a little bit of affection and make this Grand assumption that he wants you and yet his actions don't demonstrate He wakes months to call you. He doesn't plan dates with you And these aren't because you're you're holding hope for a friend To convert into something more than a friend. Let me be clear about men When a man wants to approach you for a relationship Nothing will stop him Saying babe might now he might be waiting for a reaction from her To see if there's a reciprocal reaction, but if he wants a relationship, he's going to take it further than that Nothing to add. No, I've had people call me babe and it meant nothing. Okay So my point is it's it's the actions that matter more than the word. So thank you so much for that Wanda All right, Nana says question Why do I say the word question ahead of time? Because it's there This site for 65 year olds, where do you normally where are where do the normal emotional mature available men live? Do you have a comment? They may be next door. You don't know. Okay. So asking about dating sites. Here's the thing every single dating site has a emotionally mature normal Available man every site has them Now the reality is is 90 80 percent of people are emotionally dysfunctional Women as well ladies just because you may want a relationship doesn't mean you're any better at relationship than men So let me just be clear as a man who is single out there in the dating marketplace However, where are they? They're on every single site. Where are the men over 65? Well, they're on match.com They're on millionaire match. They're on our time Silver singles just to name a few they're on the swipe applications. They're everywhere The challenge is I think dating apps Because of the swipe feature has bastardized the dating process It's boiled it down to simply about looks and it used to be before dating apps women It's funny. I think women 50 years ago looks didn't matter as much I think dating apps changed it for women. It's all about looks in midlife I think personality used to matter more Well, it's some of like match.com or millionaire match. You can write a whole novel if you want. Yes, that's a good point a lot Um, and that's how I knew Um, if people didn't read my profile all they comment on were looks and then they'll say something Um about something Just having to do with pictures and I'm like this guy didn't even read my profile. Yeah, so But the thing is what but what you're saying is dating profile dating sites like match millionaire match Okay, cube, but at least there's more robustness than the apps themselves and I'm in agreement with that So those are just and then our time silver singles just to name a few. Hey, by the way, I want to give a shout Oh, we got a super sticker here. We've actually had a couple by the way margaret did one Bear with me. I want to thank list for the five dollar super sticker. Thank you so much Uh christian for the super sticker. Thank you so much. We had a question come in. Thanks so much for the ten dollars Well, there's more bear with me everyone Okay, here's another one. Thanks so much for the 19 dollars and nine nine cents super thicker We're so excited to be donating to seeds of love later after the end of this show So it says we have been friends for 17 years and I recently discovered we both have feelings for each other We are comfortable with each other and have shared values any advice on how we should approach this relationship Hmm That depends. Have you both declared that to each other? Well, if they both declared feelings for one another then the question really becomes do we want to explore a relationship together? What does that mean? In other words from a short and long-term perspective, but also what does it look like? I think friends Um become turning it into a romantic thing has I think it has a better success, right? Oh, absolutely You know each other You know, it's I I think the challenge today is we're meeting total strangers oftentimes and well I didn't feel like okay. So in our particular case, we weren't really that good of friends I mean we were social long distance acquaintances long distance acquaintances whom we spoke or who we spoke on the phone together What six seven eight nine times, you know, we were on facebook together But what we did do in that we took the pressure off of romance And actually got to know each other as friends Now this is a 17 year relationship But for those that don't have that much backstory with someone else I'm here to say Developing a bit of familiarity with someone and take the romance off the table. So when then we met We met as two friends meeting right it turned into a date Because there was mutual attraction But wouldn't it be great if we could develop a bit of rapport with someone before we meet So it actually and then in this particular case since there's so much longevity there um I don't know if I told you the story, but I I reconnected with my high school prom date about a year before we met And um and I feel like we had this even though we hadn't seen each other in 30 years There was this history between us now It didn't turn into romantic, but if I had if it had I would have said Would you be open to exploring a relationship with me? I think these are the types of things that should be discussed and then what does that relationship look like so I think everybody's fear though is that it's going to ruin the friendship Okay, does anyone remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry and um And uh, oh god, what's her name Elaine? Um, they were afraid of ruining the friendship Um, but you know what? I think when two people go into it consciously it doesn't have to ruin the friendship. So love lady L love. Thank you so much for that. I really we really appreciate it. All right. Let's go back here We've got some more questions Uh, we got nana's there. Let's see. We got lisa question Sparks are flying things are starting off casual, but I'm wanting to pull back and he's not making He's not making some efforts Can I save myself from friends? With or turning into the friends with benefits zone uh Well, it sounds to me that it's all based on the physical chemistry And not enough Um The building blocks to developing a real relationship with someone, but this is because ladies Yeah, I think it's really important to establish the rules of engagement I call this the standards or rules of engagement of if you're going to get physically intimate with someone be clear As to what your end game is do you want to live with someone? Do you want to get married? And if you do what are the building blocks to get to that space? If you've listened to my narrative, it's always Social activities hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married That's a narrative. I talk about for people who want partnership people who want casual relationships Don't talk about the relationship Yeah, I think being clear is really important I I've had many friends that go on multiple dates and you know, they're not They're they're not acting like there's someone that wants to settle down So guess what the man is just rolling with it and then they worry like, oh, you know, maybe I Got into this too quickly. Well, yeah, what you really want is a relationship and you're just Going at it that way then and don't assume because I'm sorry I cut you off Don't assume just because you wrote that in your dating profile the guy read it Folks, it's not okay. Even if you wrote it in your dating profile It's important to repeat it over and over and over again now Some dating coaches will tell you that's overkill I'm saying look as dysfunctional as our current dating marketplace is clarity Breeds connection who I just made that up Clarity breeds connection. Okay. In other words, when you're clear You're either going to connect or you're going to disconnect. Yeah, but when it's unclear It's like chaos So be clear about how you're feeling share your feelings about this and see how he responds to that Go I don't want to get into the friends with benefits zone You know, it's it's fascinating how easily though women will fall into the friends with benefits zone Because they're holding hope Yeah, that There are a lot of people that think that you're going to convert that into a real relationship You know friends with benefits happens Like this I think a lot of times to be and it's they're not really friends That's acquaintances With benefits because a guy reaches out to you you connect you hook up and then he doesn't talk to you for a while He reaches out to you you connect you hook up and you're thinking oh, we're dating and I'm like no You're just hooking up. It's it shouldn't even be called friends with benefits anymore It should just be called hooking up because that's what a lot of people are experiencing So to avoid that be crystal clear lisa. Thank you so much for that question All right zen gal writes What do you think about a man who wants to pay for everything? I have a small legal situation He offered me the retainer fee. I refused interesting Well, there are some men who operate from a pure place of generosity And I'm all in favor with those with abundance to share their abundance if people have abundance The reality is is 80 of americans make less than a hundred thousand dollars a year The fact is 80 of americans have less than three months of savings in the bank should something go wrong So not everybody has abundance But for some people who have abundance, it's not generosity. It's control A lot of men with money Use are you laughing because I never took anything from anybody because of that I just didn't feel like anybody owned me that way. Yeah, you know, I even had You know back in the days where I went disco dancing Okay, myself here. Okay There was somebody I saw all the time and one day for christmas. He shows up with this beautiful ring I couldn't take it You know because I thought why I'm how can I accept this? What's he gonna want in return? Okay, because not enough of well, there was no trust built in this dynamic. I saw him there Once a week, okay, but yeah, but it wasn't like he was building a relationship with you. It was nothing romantic Okay, now he could have done that to try to be To sway you romantically. Yeah, or he could have done that as a way to get laid Well, I didn't even kiss him ever. So okay, there was nothing nothing, but maybe that's what he was hoping for Well, he was foreign and I that's the other thing that worried me that that maybe in his culture By giving someone property they own you property. Okay. So I hope that answers your question Again, it could come from a place of generosity or it could come from a place of control but just remember most people don't have the kind of Abundant resources in that particular case. So thank you so much and donna wants to thank us earlier for our question So thank oh, she's thanking Sharon. All right. One of our members from midlife love mastery By the way, there's a link below is just posted a question What does it mean if a man doesn't tell you his last name? I asked a man from millionaire match 17 minutes ago in a text message and still waiting for a reply Oh, we just had that conversation. We just had this conversation. So Okay, I was asking marie. How do you how would you have felt if a guy asked you wanted to say I want to do a background check on you What's your full name? And how did you respond? I wouldn't give it to him Because unless I know this person or you've already met them and assess whether I even want them to know What my name is. Yeah, I'm not going to give it to him just because we're Communicating so I'll be candid with you. I would ask women's last name because I want to look them up on social media Well, and I want to do a google search Well, I felt like if I found out more about them, I'd be better prepared for a date But there is a real risk about giving out your last name and certainly from a man's perspective We have the same risk of giving out our name But the same token Don't you think we should be doing background checks on people dating? I did I would do that If there was somebody that I was already interested in Okay Well, look, I did ask for last names too people because depending on what where I was going to meet them Until I decided that I was going to pick the place and it was yeah Going to be coffee or a glass of wine and that's it and you'd get there ahead of time and buy your own wine I bought my own wine and then I just wanted to see See them walk in by the way and really I want to share something So Marie's strategy well before we met was if she met someone at a restaurant bar type of environment She would get there early and order her own glass of wine And then as you said you would get to see him walking in yeah, okay But there was also you didn't want to be beholden to this person. Right Look, there are people that you meet and you know within two seconds This isn't somebody that you even want to spend half hour with But you know a lot of women who expect that man pay for that glass of wine, but you operated from a different vantage No, and you know if it was somebody really nice that you sat and talked to for a while and Then he might say hey, can I get the next drink or can I get appetizers that sort of thing? So I know we were going off on that but uh coming back to One other thing I want to say it's only been 17 minutes. It's probably been 20 since you posted this, okay That's you know now unless you are having a direct conversation with them You know sometimes it takes I you're the worst text around the planet I mean sometimes she could take hours to return a text So I wouldn't use that as the only thing But it might be say hey look if we're going to meet I'd like to do a background check on you I'd like to see because you're a total stranger to me Now um The tricky part is he's taking a risk to giving out his last name Yeah, well, I I don't think men as much a risk as women do Well, if you're if you live in a home like I once they have your last name they can figure out where you live Um, so that was my fear when I lived in a high rise You know the odds of them finding me were not That good or they couldn't even get into the building but there are a lot of of People that um, I never would have given my last name to yeah Okay, well, I think that answered your question. Thank you so much for that um, let's keep going Let's see nana has another question She says when you're going to when are you going to coach the emotionally constipated man? I do all the time. I started with my son. I'm just kidding. Actually my son is the most evolved man on the planet um I would love to coach men if men came to me and I've had I have coach men before I've even had clients Okay, so Marie knows for a fact I've had clients who have me call their boyfriends and I talk to them I'm like and I very upfront. Look. I'm on the side of my client I am treating you like if she's my big little sister and I'm going to grill you And it's interesting the guys actually appreciate it Because they have something they want to say and they feel safe because And I let them know that I'm on their side too. I don't say I'm completely on the other person's side But sometimes I grill men. So yes, I have done that nana. So thank you so much Uh zen gal writes I recognize that I have trust issues from the past from a past relationship I'm listening to eight dates, but I need more specific help. Uh, I start pro counseling on thursday any suggestions You know when I think of trust issues I think actually of Healing our past childhood wounds that might come from your mother and father number one But I think trust issues is also not loving yourself. I think there's a I'm gonna guess that she's talking about trusting somebody because she's been betrayed. No, I get that But when you okay folks, I wrote a book called what the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development Self-help and spiritual work. There's a link below to get a copy of my book When you genuinely love yourself you actually Operate from a better space of trust because you you're attuned to who you are And you don't give your power away to someone else Trust is about giving the other person your power See no, let me reframe that it can be when you're feeling mistrusting. So I just always decided Just because someone else betrayed me or um, I didn't hold other people accountable. That's a good point. Um, so That's just me Um, but you know, we get a lot of people that call and talk about the trust So i'm gonna post right here everyone. I want you to check out something called naked divorce naked recovery Okay, there's the link ask for Adele mention my name. By the way, there's a link in the show notes Okay, Adele was where I went to to do all my healing after my divorce And she is amazing. In fact, if you go through her website and find the testimonials, you'll find my testimonial in there And why i'm bringing this up is because she specifically heals Okay, this is a self love practice here healing your self that relationship So you can begin to trust again because you felt betrayed in a significant relationship So it occurs to me love yourself and do the work Such as naked discover naked divorce naked recovery and there again if you need the link check out the Show notes as well. Okay. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it Uh, oops, let me turn that one off. Okay. Let's go to our next question Uh Let's see What the heck jonathan you you needed to reign in your words. You don't trust marie yet Okay, why would you say that to your audience? Maybe in your compensating for insecurity of being nervous traveler. Oh So Well, no, this is actually a really good point so Even though we've been together for a year we haven't and we've planned some trips together Trust is something that you know for it's not that I don't trust Matter of fact, we talked about this. Do you trust me and you said you trust me I trust her from a fidelity perspective. I trust that she has my best interest I have a core wound that happened in my childhood when it came to travel in particular My parents were from another country and there were times where there was chaos going I'm a little seven-year-old boy traveling with two people that are going and my father in particular Was going through chaos while traveling And as a boy that deeply wounded me and I I've done work on this. It's not like I haven't healed it So it's not it's through the experience of more travel Will more trust begin to develop between the two of us now not to suggest And listen, it's not about blindly trusting you. It's just the more I experience You know how to handle things I'll be better at it just quickly when we were in Colombia like the traffic drove him crazy there because you know it is it was crazy So we're planning another trip and I said, oh, we can run a car. We can go do this that and he went Like what we're gonna rent a car drive I said I've been there. I've done it. It's great And then um go ahead and share it He calls his friend. Oh, you've been there. What do you think? And then he he said the traffic was really easy But again, it's not that I distrust her It's just until you experience a relationship is a building block and even though we've been together a year These building blocks happen over multiple periods of time multiple experience until a person feels safe I don't blame marie for my childhood fuck up I'm just okay, but I'm just telling you this is an area in my life that I'm working on healing And I just said at the end we're plant by the way We're planning a trip in august and I just said, okay, sweetheart. You take care of it I'm just going to wear a blindfold and you just get us there That's blind trust and I blindly trust her in that way. So thank you for that Oh, let's keep going here Oh Pam says I agree with marie. I wouldn't give my last name right away If I liked them and was sure I was interested then I'd sure give their last name Exactly, you know, here's the thing All right, her last name is right there if this is legit, you know, the funny thing is is our name is out there Yeah, it's out there, but they're gonna have to work to find it. Yeah Well, I do a lot of like I if I have someone's first name and know what they do I can oftentimes find them on linkedin Anyway, uh, but I'm in agreement don't give out last name. Okay, marie. Here's a marie says My husband and I are going through a divorce We seem to be becoming good friends Is it important for us to have an open discussion about what happened that led to the divorce? Do you have something to say? I mean if you're going through a divorce you should know What led to the divorce? I think when two amicable people end a relationship There are the core issues and then there are surface issues um The core issues are probably they're I can't I can only speculate what the core issues But a lot of times people use the surface issues as the core issue like the one man who said I didn't like your round face Some what did he say this was in the beginning of this video, you know, that's the surface issue I think if you can get to the core issue I want to say that some relationships are salvageable. I've worked with couples therapists who have salvaged relationships If two people have real trust with one another, they're conscientious. They're good people They're loving people Even if they're sex life and it could be the sex that shifted the relationship that can be revitalized So again, I think it's important to get to the core issues and just remember a lot of times it's surface Issues I do want to mention again the naked divorce because when um when I went there It was I was going through a divorce and the same situation, but um, She talked about how she doesn't always Recommend people to get divorced some people are not divorced yet and she will tell them This is salvageable and this is how we can do it, but you know, you both have to be on board for this so But yeah, I think it's sad to know that you're getting divorced and you're you don't know why um You know, it's interesting the gotman institute. Um, that's run by um John and julie gotman They can sit with a couple and within 15 minutes Determine if this is couples therapy whether or not this relationship is salvageable If two people treat each other with respect Any relationship is salvageable salvageable and even in cases of infidelity those there are relationships that can be salvaged will So I would check out the naked again in the link below check out naked discovery naked recovery naked divorce So thank you so much the other thing is you you have to be willing to accept That they may say something you're not going to agree with and then things won't be as amicable No Listen, if you can amicably amicably get to the core Who knows maybe have a chance to fight for it. So I wish you all the best on that one. Let's take miss ashley's question Why do younger men seek out women 10 years older than them knowing there is no common thread for I'm assuming that's longevity linger ready, okay Why do younger men seek older women? Do you have an idea? I know I Are you want to hear mine? Yeah, I know well first. What is it? Oh, you know what I'm gonna say. I think so go ahead and share it. Let's go. I'll wait. Okay So, okay a couple things, you know, like if I was in my late 20s right now I'd be going after nothing but women 20 years older. Why because they're hot You don't have to worry about getting them pregnant. They love sex and you have a built-in exit clause I'm being honest. You have the built-in exit clauses. You can say I've decided I want to have children with someone I mean a lot of younger men are frustrated with their own age demographic of young girls young women I should say I shouldn't have said girls. They say young women And they like the maturity of an older woman. Okay, that can be the case now If it's someone in his late 40s dating someone 10 years older I don't see that as much of a difference I'm talking about men in their 20s or early 30s going up 10 or 15 or 20 years of age Oftentimes it's because they don't like the women their own age They've a lot of women look fantastic In their 40s 50s and even 60s and some of the younger guys are like old souls. I just that's true, too I just didn't want to waste my time with younger guys Well, I think there's a fear a lot of women also project their fear when they're with a younger guy Their fear that the guy is going to bolt on him and I when I said that earlier I was talking about 20 and 30 year olds But if a 40 year old man is with someone 10 years older You have to be careful not to let that age Affect the relationship with your own insecurity. But yes, you could have a man in his 30s It's an old soul be with a woman in her 40s or 50s I just I had a rule because I you know, like my oldest son is 35 And I was not gonna date somebody that's around my son's age I would But I'm a guy and I'm okay. Listen folks. I don't espouse myself to be the most evolved man on the planet I'm just a man. I'm riddled with flaws. So I say that but then I did try to date someone 25 years younger And that turned out to be a disaster. So I'm glad to find someone my own age All right. Thank you so much for that question Uh, let's see what else we have here Bump bump bump bump bump. Oh, let's keep going Got a lot of comments Leslie says I think respect is key. I didn't feel respected by my x H as a partner and sure enough he did try to explore getting back after we were divorced But foundation wasn't healthy enough. Unfortunately again a healthy foundation of respect between two people um, and and again, it's it's about being Really you have to decide if you're gonna divorce amicably going back to the original question that came up I think it's important to talk about the core things that cause the end of the relationship Not the superficial things or the surface things. Yeah, I'm not with a narcissist Okay, but if you're with a narcissist You're probably miserable in that with that person A narcissist doesn't divorce amicably That's true. Okay folks a narcissist will never divorce you amicably. They will fight tooth and nail They will gaslight you make you out the problem. They'll try to rip you off You know when it comes to divorce Proceedings that sort of thing. So it's never am very rarely does a narcissist break up with someone amicably Does that ever happen to anyone? Please let me know Uh, let's see what else Michelle says agree not with a narcissist lol exactly Sharon says 50 year old age women can get pregnant. Yes, that is true, but it's rare Um, and usually women are on birth control at that age not always, but um, but yes, that can happen But again, it's the exception not the rule Okay Catherine says signs a woman is unavailable to a healthy man signs a woman is unavailable to a healthy man I'll give you a couple signs I I'm not attracted to people that have victim consciousness You know, they're always complaining about their past relationships their past partners to me That is probably the number one turnoff Is victim consciousness blaming the news for everything blaming politics for everything Uh blaming their profession blaming their weight whatever blame I'm hearing. That's the biggest turnoff to me You do that? No, okay Uh and michelle says me neither exactly. So thank you so much. Um, do we have any more questions? It lists says when a narcissist has someone waiting in the wings He will be as sweet as apple pie and give you a nice alimony amount if he wants to get rid of you Is that real? No, that's not true. He'll still try to screw you over No, I mean if well if he wants to get rid of you, it's got to be a true narcissist I just can't picture the big no, I mean A lot of them. It's how how dare you want to leave me? Yeah, I just can't I I mean Again, if they have something waiting on the wings, I think a narcissist is going to try to Because he doesn't want to pay alimony. That's just my listen. Oh, by the way tomorrow, I'll be bringing on Dr. Roberta Schiller to talk about toxic relationships with narcissists. So that's a great question to bring up tomorrow Oh, we had a question come in. I think I'll wrap up with this question folks. I had a question come in Sharon wrote the following into my office and says, okay, jonathan. I live in Southern california orange county almost every couple I see now in real life online or in cosco Everywhere is almost always between an asian woman and a caucasian man I also see many caucasian women of all ages Seemingly permanently single with no chance of finding a partner No matter how much advice you give and no matter how many videos this situation simply is Unsustainable at least for a caucasian female population Statistically many of them will not find partners and this is a fact that starts from birth Sure, sure if they're extremely attractive like your partner They may might be able to buck the statistics, but for the majority They marry very well likely remain single throughout their lives. By the way, many asian women also Remains single because there are simply too many trying to date caucasian men The only solution of course is caucasian women to date asian men, but I very rarely see that so forth and so on folks Sharon I want to say something to you You happen to live in an air my suspicion is you live in an area of orange county known as garden grove Which is a high population of asian people number one number two Yes, some men like asian women. We were talking about this. Why do some men like asian women? Well, you know It's I think it's a matter of taste, but some of these women are a lot More subserv you can say the word subservient subservient submissive Um overly agreeable No, and they they've been conditioned to take care of their men and and So I I have a friend that likes little petite asian women. That's that says what okay So we watch crazy rich asian and those women don't seem like that Okay, first off that is a stereotype, but I think that stereotype is beginning to change but for some men They actually feel and this is not me saying this This is what I've observed a lot of men feel like american women act way too entitled They're argumentative. They're critical. They criticize men. They lack appreciation And some men go out and seek women from other cultures because those women Are appreciative of the men they're with Because in their culture, they don't receive that So just recognize that there are some circumstances that this will happen now when she said caucasian women are at a disadvantage It doesn't matter what heritage nationality religion you are The dating marketplace is messed up for those of us in midlife And what I mean by messed up is we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality There is a significant percentage of men and women like who are wounded from their childhood They're wounded from their adult traumas. They have terrible emotional IQ. That's a fact In addition as people age, they don't take good physical care of themselves And the problem is there's a lot of 50 year old men and women that are dating with 25 year old eyes They want to date what they remember and not where they're at today. That's another factor to consider This is why when I work with by the way, I get calls from clients all the time Jonathan I met a great guy Jonathan. I met a great guy Jonathan. I met a great guy and I know the difference Is because this is dating is a screening Out process, but it's also screening in process as well. It's about vetting It's about filtering and let me just say this The odds are against you I'm going to agree and it has nothing to do with looks because a lot of attractive women get used Oh, I mean they get shit on by men a lot So, I mean they get they they are approached by men more often But those men can be jerks and assholes too What's going to happen to put your odds in your favor is learning Intentionality learning radical honesty learning laying your cards on the table learning the rules of engagement This is all what I teach in my private coaching and by the way, there's a link below The schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you If you want to put the odds in your favor, you're going to have to learn way better dating techniques in my opinion Do you agree I agree. Well, thank you You know, it's interesting When I review my coaching program everything I teach you inherently learned on your own That's why you didn't need my help. Yeah a lot when you've gone through my coaching You've seen how what you did prior what you learned on your own is what I teach If you don't have the skills Then I would say work with myself or another coach who can teach you better dating skills I did want to mention another thing. So um Adele from naked divorce naked recovery or discovery It's recovery She also offers she calls it a clarity call. So if you go to the website and You know look around if you you can talk to her about her program and she she will talk to you I like clients going to Adele first Then coming to me and by the way mention my name mention Marie's name use the link I have here I like that because when a client comes to me better prepared They actually attract a better quality guy after going through a program like Adele's all right, um Athena says I don't see many asian women sunbathing like white women Is that true? I don't know if you go to the philippines. I think they're out in the sun all the time But you know the 90 day fiance there's a lot of them that are asian women. Really? You know men go there to find okay, you know, here's the bottom line You can create a story of why you don't have what you want or you can rewrite the story How you're going to get what you want if you want a significant relationship Where you feel a sense of chemistry with one another you feel that you can communicate with one another that you Share the same values that your lifestyles are blendable with one another Then you have to be intentional in the process stop sitting back in your feminine energy and waiting the guy to claim you Take charge of your relationship destiny. That's what I invite every woman to do well this this Person that said that to you. I I just think that she's trying to find reasons why she's not Okay, so yes, we can point the finger somewhere else and not look inward How much true effort are you putting in to attracting the kind of relationship that you want? You can use that anything. I mean you can say oh they only like blondes in orange county Well, I was watching remember that show we're watching Match me abroad and the woman says I live in new york. There's no good men in new york There's probably only like 20 million people that live in new york. Yes, they are you just you met a bunch of jerks But doesn't mean they all are and what kind of presentation are you putting yourself out there? By the way, is she in columbia? I think trying to find a guy By the way, there's a new show. We just started to watch it's on discovery. It's called Huh, you started I start watching it's called match me abroad Much like the show that was copied by my friend who was in love Love without borders, but anyway, we'll start talking about match me abroad in the next coming. Okay And lastly, what do healthy men want? We will talk about that one more time I'm going to share what they are for everybody. What did I write down? respect, what was it Respect appreciation physical touch acceptance easy going chill and agreeable. That's what healthy men want besides just looks Yes And by the way, Marie thankfully gives me all of that and an abundance of more. So thank you so much, sweetheart Okay, we're going to wrap up this video as we always do first off I'm going to get my sweetheart a big gigantic Jonathan Barrow hugs Can I get one back? Absolutely Thank you so much folks. I hope you have found value in the five surprising things men want more than your beauty um I want to thank miss ashley and our facebook group and michelle and catherine and Sharon and lana and uh lisk and ethina and jojica and uh christen and leaf and deedy and all those that contributed to the seeds of love again If you want to donate in these last few seconds There's a dollar sign the chat box all the money's from tonight's show is going to go to the seeds of love Which is donating to a cause where children who have been abandoned by their parents for having A terminal disease. I'm going to be donating all the money tonight to that charity as soon as Probably in the next couple days. So thanks so much for watching. We hope you have a fab evening. Be well Bye now