 So, once again, the more you're being triggered by this person from stuff from the past, the more you're superficially stimulated by them, the more these things are gonna come out. So number one, you ignore red flags. It's that's the big one right there. But if this was a person that you didn't have that chemical response to and they said something like they're saying, like if it's a guy saying something super douchey or a woman saying something kind of mean, you would say, ah, person, like, I don't like them. They're not, they're not the kind of person I want to associate with very much. But you're getting hit by those chemicals. Ah, they're nice. I know them. They're not that bad. I know what they really mean. They're just joking. They're cool. They're, yeah, don't don't pay any attention to that. You're telling your friends. Oh, he doesn't mean it. She doesn't mean it. She's cool, right? We ignore these red flags that we would otherwise be all over, but when those chemicals are rushing through our brain, we are not thinking clearly. All right, this is why I think superficial stimulation, yes, triggers a superficial stimulation is big when it comes to ignoring red flags. This is why I've drastically changed my priorities when it comes to dating, right? As much as I say, as much as so many guys say, yeah, we want a good person. We want a great person, right? A lot of us still have that, but I want a hot person first, right? A lot of women say, I want a great guy. I want a nice guy. I want an awesome guy. Yeah, buddy, better have that paper going on, right? Where are priorities really lying and dating? And this is, I've changed for me drastically because I found when like attractiveness was really my top priority, I would be much more likely to ignore that other stuff. Maybe not a great person, whatever, right? But when I prioritize that other stuff, when I prioritize those kind of deeper things, right? I'm not going to write off attractiveness. And I'm like, oh my god, she's so awesome. Come on, I'm gonna force myself to be attracted to her. Like you can't look past that. You can't trick yourself into being attracted to her the way that you can trick yourself into thinking that she's a great match for you. Does that make sense? Ignoring red flags, all right? The other thing people do is they're not really dating each other when these chemicals are hitting their body. They're really dating fantasy versions of each other. What do I mean by this? All right, first of all, when you are love-struck, right? You're putting, you want to put your best foot forward out there. You want to, you want this, you're more likely to embellish who you are, to only put out the most positive sides. I'm not saying that that's a bad thing, but when we're hiding parts of who we are, that can start to snowball into real problems really fast. We'll get to that more in a second. But the other person, right? They're doing that too. They're putting out this idealized version of themselves. And at the same time, this comes in especially when we're triggered. We're not seeing, again, the person who they are. We're seeing our fantasy version. We have this fantasy version of how she looks or how they act or who this person is. And often at times when we're falling, when we're getting hit by this, we're not seeing the other person. We don't want to see the reality of the person. We want to see our fantasy. There's a specific title for this. It's called the White Night Phenomenon. It was developed, named, because it was initially identified in women, where women, when they're really young, and maybe they're going through some bad stuff, they'll develop this fantasy in their head of this night who's going to come and save them, watching movies, just reinforce this thing. And then when they get older, right, they don't realize this is all subconscious, but whenever they meet a man and they start to have this chemical reaction, then all of a sudden that fantasy comes back and they imprint that fantasy onto that man. So they're not dating actually him. She's not seeing him. She's seeing that fantasy. Right, guys do this too. It's not just the female phenomenon. That is for sure. We date the fantasy and we project the fantasy as well. And I believe this is the main reason that fights over nothing happen. Right, because you're clinging on to this fantasy. This fantasy is a source of your happiness and good feelings, but we're human beings. The other person is going to break from that fantasy eventually. And when they break from that fantasy, suddenly it starts ruptured like, I don't know this person. Who is this person? Wait, it's not what I thought. I believe that it's when these people break from this fantasy we have in our heads. That's when these fights, that's when this resentment builds up in a relationship. That's when these arguments over nothing really tend to happen. Got to be aware of those creating fantasized versions of the other person, putting those fantasized versions out of yourself. That's very closely tied to the next one that happens, bad communication. Not fully sharing, not fully being honest. Not saying something because you're afraid of how the other person is going to react to it. You wanted an example of good communication, really, really, really simple. An example of good communication, your best friend. A lot of people call their significant other their best friend. If there's things that you would say to your best, real best friend, your best guy friend, your best girlfriend, that you wouldn't say to your significant other, that's not your best friend. I'm sorry. Real communication. Not holding back because you're afraid of the, it's going to mess up the image they have of you. Real communication. Another big, big danger that comes in these relationships with this phenomenon. Rushed commitment. Rushed commitment. We've only been dating for a month, but man I'm in love. I'm feeling, I don't want to date anybody else. This is the most amazing I've felt since I can remember. Yeah, sure. Let's do it. Exclusive is all heck. You really know that person. Once again, you know a fantasized version of that person more than you know that actual person. And you rush into this commitment. You commit yourself, yeah, I know you don't want to see anybody else right now. You usually don't. But you are saying that regardless of what the future holds, regardless of who else comes along, regardless of what other connections you might experience in the future, you're a 100% person that you want to ignore all of that and stay with this person just because you're having this chemical rush in your brain right now. Rushed commitment. Right? So I'm sure that, I've seen a lot of nods out there, right? Because this stuff is common. This stuff is very close at least or more common than healthy, like functional relationships. You usually got to go through a few of these before you can have a good one, at least a few of these, right? So I mean when you look at our relationship stats, right? When you look at failed relationships, divorces, just lack of successful relationships. Haven't they happened? They're wonderful when they happen. I'm not making it sound like it's this unicorn or yeti because there's a lot of amazing examples of it. But we all know that this stuff is a lot more common. So before we move on, I just want to say, if you can relate to at least two of these things, if you've caught yourself doing it, if this has showed up for you, I highly recommend the book Facing of Addiction by Pia Melody. Excellent, excellent book. It goes far more into detail. Talks about anxious relationship types. Talks about dismissive or pushing away. Dating types talks about fascinating stuff all to that book. I can't recommend it enough. But when you see this, we're all familiar with these patterns and we've all experienced it. When anybody eats it's like, yeah, this is what it is, right? It's not surprising that we have like not, there's a reason why millennials are getting married at a slower rate than any generation ever before. We're terrified of it, right? And I think there is reason to be because, like I said, it does cause a lot of pain. But so we're not only here to talk about these red flags to avoid. I want to talk about what you can do instead. I want to give you a game plan so that you do not make these mistakes. You do not run into these traps.