 65... So do more guns. The Jack Benny program, presented by Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky, strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky, strike today. Now Venus is a gorgeous girl but life for her is rough. A statue simply cannot smoke a lucky puff by puff. If you're unhappy with your smoke, you'd better switch your brand to my rich tasting lucky strike, the smoothest in the land. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike today. Brands enjoy your cigarette. If you're not happy with your present brand and a 38 city survey shows that millions of smokers are not, switch to Lucky Strike. With every lucky you like, you always get complete smoking enjoyment, that happy blending of perfect mildness and rich true taste, that fine tobacco and only fine tobacco can give you. And remember, L-S-M-F-T, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So for complete smoking enjoyment for everything you want in a cigarette, be happy, go lucky, make your next carton Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike. Saturday after the Benny rehearsal, the cast drops into the corner drugstore for a bite to eat. At the moment, Phil Harris is sitting there all alone, waiting for the other members of the cast. Would you like to order now, Mr. Harris? No, not yet, Shirley. I'm waiting for the rest of the gang. Oh, will Mr. Benny be with them? Oh, yeah. Why? I want to get his autograph for my little nephew. Do you think he'll give it to me? Well, I certainly, honey, just have your pen, paper and quarter ready. Joking. Joking, huh? You'll be lucky if you get your pen back. By the way, Mr. Harris, I'd like your autograph for my nephew too. Would you mind? Oh, not at all, Shirley. Just give me a pencil and paper. I brought it with me. Here. And would you mind signing it to Bertram? Sure. I spell that. Wait till we come to that. How do you spell too? Mr. Harris, your friends are coming. Good. Thanks so much. He's helping Mr. Benny cross the street. January is Dennis' month. Dennis, we're in. You can turn me loose already. Come on, let's sit down. Hey, what delayed you, Jackson? Oh, just as I was leaving, there was a long distant call from Mr. Paley. Everything is all set. I'm going to do my second television show next Sunday. Oh, so you won the case, huh? Being so smart, we have trouble getting the time. Yeah, I know, I know. Well, anyway, Alice and the kids are going to watch it on our new set. A new television set? What kind do you got, Phil? A Lieutenant J.G.? That's nice. Now, kid. Hey, wait a minute. Aren't you going to ask me what kind of set that is? Not me. I'll ask you, Phil. What kind of a set is a Lieutenant J.G.? A small admiral. A sharple and an empty stomach, you dog. An empty stomach? Nothing today but food. Pass me a menu. I think I can eat after that. Hey, ain't we going to wait for Livy before we order? Oh, Mary won't be here for a while. She's calling the doctor to make an appointment for me. Well, what's the matter, Jack? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just going for my annual check-up. Uh, are you gentlemen ready to order? I guess so. Let's see. Hey, I know what I want. A bowl of soups, spaghetti and meatballs, a cup of coffee, and, uh, some apple pie all in all. I'll have a fruit cup, green salad, the lamb chops and mashed potatoes, a glass of milk, and some seven-layer cake. Hey, that sounds good. I'll have the same. The same as which? The same as both. Well, Don, I've never seen anyone like you. How can you possibly eat so much? It is rather crazy, Jack, especially when you consider the fact that till I was six years old, I was fed through a cube. Yes, yes, I know, Don. That's the same tube they're now using for the second street tunnel. I've been through it many times. There's still a little pablum stuck to the ceiling. Uh, what will you have, Mr. Day? Well, I think I'll have... Hold it, Dennis. Hold it. Huh? Before you order, I'd like to say something to you. What? Every time we come in here to eat, you order the craziest things. Things that make me sick to my stomach. Sick? Yes. Like the last time we were in here. They have 69 different items on the menu, but did you ask for any of them? No. You had to order a cucumber split. Imagine. Say, I think I'll have a... No, you won't. I'm going to order that other favor to yours, either. Oysters with chocolate syrup. I mean, how can you do that? Well, I'm not there in season. I don't care about that. Starting right now, you're going to order sensibly, or you're not coming in with us anymore. You understand? Yes, sir. Now, give the girl your order. Well, I'll have a chocolate-morted milk with an egg in it. That's better. One chocolate-morted milk with an egg in it. I'd like the egg fried. I'm going to the doctor anyway. Yes, sir. Hey, Jackson, look who just came in. Huh? How about sitting down, having a sandwich or something? No, no, thank you. I just came in to do a little shopping. Only I forgot one important thing my wife asked me to give. You forgot? Yes. She wanted me to get some toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo. And one thing I forgot, all I can remember is it began with a bee. With a bee? Uh-huh. By carbonate? No. Bath salts? No. Bed's a dream? No. Begins with a bee, huh? With a bee, yes. Clinex? Yes, don't be silly. Wait a minute, just a second. That's what I was... But Mr. Kitzel, you said it started with a bee. That's it. A box Clinex. All right, forget it, kid. Say, Mr. Kitzel. Yes. I haven't seen you quite some time now. Where have you been? I was up at Big Bear Lake for a vacation. Big Bear Lake, eh? For the winter sports? All the way down here, six feet deep. And from the trees are hanging long icicles like crystal chandeliers. You've never seen anything so beautiful. Well, I can imagine. You know, I got a cabin up there and I went... Well, that's wonderful. Did you do any skiing? No. Ice skating? No. Toboggany? No. Why not? That lousy weather, who goes out? Benny, I've got to shop along now. Oh, so long, Mr. Kitzel. Goodbye. Having a cabin at Big Bear doesn't go in for winter sports. You know, Jackson, Remly and I go up the mountains three or four times every winter. You and Remly, eh? What's your favorite winter sport? We put on snow shoes and go looking for them St. Bernard's. Looking for St. Bernard's? They don't always find you, you know. We've drained too many St. Bernard's tonight because we're having another rehearsal at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. Don't worry, Jackson, I'll be there. And Dennis, you'll be there at 9.30 so I can hear you do your song. Oh, I've rehearsed it three times already. Do you want to hear it? In the drugstore? Well, there's a record in the jukebox. I'll play it for you. Okay, go ahead. Don't you think it would have been even better if you'd sung the second chorus just a little bit faster? No. It was just an idea, that's all. I thought that... Oh my goodness, look what time it is. I told Mary I'd meet her by my car. I gotta go. Dennis, pay the check, will ya? Pay the check, pay the check. Let me talk about the luck of the Irish. I'll leave. I think I'll get a package of lifesavers. Oh, Clark. Yes, sir? Give me a package of lifesavers. What flavor? I don't care. The one's with the smallest holes. All the same size. Oh, well, give me peppermint. Just a second. Or maybe I'll take some... Hey, Clark. Clark. Yes, sir? Hey, I put some money in that cigarette machine. I didn't get my lucky strikes. Oh, I'm awfully sorry, sir. They sell so fast, the machine's probably out of them. Here, I'll give you your money back. Oh, I don't want my money back. I want lucky strikes. I'm sorry. All I can do is give you your money. If I wanted my money, I wouldn't have put it in the machine in a twice place. I want lucky strikes. But, sir, all I can do is give you back your 20 cents. I don't want my 20 cents. Can I get that deep-down smoking satisfaction out of two dimes? Say, mister... You keep out of it. I'm sorry. Now, look, Clay, what are you going to throw about my lucky strikes? I don't know. Would you like any other cigarette? Oh, you ought to slap your face. Forget the lifesavers. I'm leaving. Hey, now, look, I want lucky strikes and I don't want any more argument out of you. If I haven't kept Mary waiting too long, you ought to be by the car there. Go to Leapoo-Poo-Poo-Poo-Poo. Next Sunday, I'll be on TV and if I'm good, I'll gloat. But if I'm not so wide, I can always cut my throat. Be happy. Go lucky. Be happy. Go lucky. Go lucky strike me. Oh, hello, Mary. Well, Jack, it's about time. I'm sorry, Mary, but I stopped to get some lifesavers and some guy started an argument with the clerk, so I finally went away without him. Well, Jack, I have a package of lifesavers with me. You have? Yeah. There's somewhere here in my purse. I know they're in here. He's dark in there. I haven't cleaned out this person's. I came back from Palm Springs. There's my sunglasses, my lipstick, my compact, my bathing suit. Your bathing suit and your bag? In my coin purse yet. Say, when you get a tan, you really get a tan. Never mind the lifesavers, Mary. Oh, here they are. Good, good. Here, I'll open them for you. Oh, Jack, look at this. Your Christmas card is still in them. Remember, I wrote something cute out of it. Yes, Jack, you did. Very cute. Listen to this. It's not the price of the gift that counts, be it a fortune or a penny. These are the words that famous bard, Omar Kiam Benny. Isn't that sweet? You know, Mary, without the poem, it's nothing. I've got news for you, Omar. I know, I know. Come on, there's the car. I want to get to the doctor's office. Oh, hello, Rochester. Oh, boss, are you ready to go? Yeah, come on, Mary. I'll help you in the car. Go ahead, Rochester, start it. Yes, sir. The motor must be a little cold. Try it again, Rochester. Yes, sir. The motor sounds better, doesn't it? Yeah, I'll try something new in the ga... Drive down Sunset Boulevard. It's less than a mile. Yes, sir. Jack, I hate to keep bringing this up all the time, but last week when Rochester drove me to the studio, I was so embarrassed. Why don't you get a new car? Mary, I don't need a new one. Miss Livingston's right, boss. This car is too old-fashioned. It is not. I'm sitting up so high, I feel like a lifeguard. Sir, oh, drive carefully, will ya? Look, they're digging up the streets with those air hammers. Be careful. Think that that thing would shaker the pieces. It's the doctor's office. It's the building on the next corner. You better stop the car, Rochester. Okay. Or just stop the car. Yes, sir. See how nice it stops since we have the brake fixed? Rochester, you wait here for us. It shouldn't take long. Come on, Jack. The office is on the fifth floor. Now, where's the doctor's office? Must be right down the hall. Let's see. 502, 503. Oh, here it is. We're still a few minutes early. Well, go over and tell that nurse you're here. Okay. Oh, nurse. Yes, sir. Nurse, I have an appointment for a check-up at 1.30. Yes, sir. I'll just fill out this form. Your name? Jack Benny. Your address? 360 North Camden Drive. Your age? 39. Your height? 5 foot 10 and a half. Weight? 155. Your age? 39. Color of hair? Brown. They're blue, aren't they? Bluer than the feet of a Sicilian wine presser. Complexion? Fair. Your age? 39. Your occupation? Comedian. I thought so. Is there anything else you want to know, nurse? No. All right, Mr. Benny, you may go into the doctor's office, right through that door. Thank you. Mary, I won't be long. Okay, Jack. I'll wait here. Oh, one more question, Mr. Benny. Have you had any recent operations or accidents? No, no, I don't... Hey, wait a minute. Ask me that again. Have you had any recent accidents? Yes. Yes, about two years ago. I swallowed a penny. Swallowed a penny? What did you do for it? I took penny-sillin'. Do you hear that, Mary? I said... Mary, and I waited six months to pull that one up. Oh, well, I might as well go in for the examination. Oh, doctor, I came here for... What? I thought we'd married you yesterday. No, no, that must have been someone else. I don't think so. Fold your arm. Now cut that arm! I'm here for my examination. I had disappointments. Oh, yes, yes. Now take off your coat. There. Now you're sure? There. Now take off your tie. So that's where it was. I've been looking for it for two weeks. Now let's get on with your examination, shall we? First, I want you to step over here behind this fluoroscope. Over there? That's it. Now wait till I adjust it. That's better. Now I put out the lights. Now I turn on the fluoroscope machine. That's funny. Doctor, what do you see? That's better. There, that's better. It's clear now. Here, drink this glass of barium. Barium? What's that for? Well, it's thick and white, and as you drink it, I can watch through the fluoroscope and trace it as it goes through your digestive tract. Oh. All right. I'll drink it. It's awful. There. Now it's going down past your trachea through your esophagus. Now come out here while I listen to your chairs. Right here. Now take a deep breath and listen to your heart. Oh, your stethoscope is cold. Yeah, hold still. I'm listening. I gotta listen to that again. Oh, for two weeks I did King Solomon's Mines and the Heath got me. Oh. Well, I'm certainly glad to see you, doctor. And make you welcome with a m- Here's why I ask. A recent 38-City survey shows that millions of smokers are not happy with a brand they're smoking. Now if this is true of you, and you want complete smoking enjoyment, switch to Lucky Strike. You see, fine tobacco and only fine tobacco always gives you that happy blending of perfect mildness and rich, true taste. Everything you want in a cigarette. And everybody knows LSMFD, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So friends, to really enjoy your cigarette, be happy. Go Lucky. Make your next carton Lucky Strike. Be happy. Go Lucky. Be happy. We're a little bit late, so good night, everybody. This is Columbia broadcasting, sir.