 This one thing destroyed the narcissist. There are only two ways that personality disorders or mental illnesses can develop. It's either through a person's genes or their environment. But either way, it's still going to be the result of the effect of that person's upbringing of the control or the lack of control of their parents or caregivers. But it's usually a mixture of both. They experience too much control in some areas. While in others, they were allowed to roam free and get away with certain things. But this control or lack of control is what shaped them because their parents or caregivers have the power to influence and direct the behavior and the cause of events. They were seen by the child as a standard of comparison as someone who they could look up to and emulate because they supervise and determine the child's actions or behavior. They taught them what is okay and what is not okay through restraining or exercising influence over them, which caused them to develop in a certain way. If the child was raised in a different environment, with different parents or caregivers, they would have turned out very differently. Because most researchers agree that a person's genes cause less than 23% of this personality type. But the reality is that they didn't have the right upbringing. And they were traumatized from the beginning because a lot of them experienced they lack of freedom. They lacked the power to act, speak and think as they might want, to where they would have been otherwise an absence of necessity, coercion or constraint in choice or action. They didn't get to experience private enjoyment in their lives, where they were able to act as they wish, instead of being under control of their parent or caregiver, which resulted in them developing low self-worth and low self-esteem. Because it caused them to believe that if they were worth anything, then why would they have to go through that? Why couldn't they be free just like anyone else? And they may not have blamed their parents or known that their behavior was wrong. But they felt the pain, they felt the guilt and shame for trying to engage in something. That they were taught is bad, even though it may not have harmed anyone and there may not have been any adverse effects. So it damaged them and after that they were never the same. They felt like they weren't good enough or something was wrong with them because they still had these desires and ideas. But they were taught that they were not allowed to engage in it. They were not allowed to have these passions and interests. So instead they created a false self, this character who is everything that their parents or caregivers wanted them to be. But it's fake, it's not who they really wanted to be. So this character can only manipulate and deceive, which is what they learned from their parents. Because their parents did this in the narcissist childhood to control them. But they may have experienced something different, because in their childhood there was a code of silence. They were taught to sweep things under the rug, so they may have learned that you're not supposed to talk about it. And this is something that they later began to use as an advantage to gain power and control over their victims. Because when you try to question or confront them, they discard you and then they start smear campaigns in an attempt to isolate you. Because they're trying to control your perception and the perception of the people around you. But unknowingly to the narcissist the isolation is what sustains you. It gives you the space you need to grow and become stronger and to rebuild your strength of character and identity. But once you've spent a long enough amount of time away from them, you begin to develop your self worth. You begin to realise that you're so much more than what they led you to believe. Because you're able to achieve things that greatly surpass any expectations that they previously had of you, which blows their false narrative of you out with the water. Because if you were what they said you were, how were you able to move on and do better without them? Which is why they hold on to the illusion so strongly and they do everything in their power to try to control you. Because they don't want you to realise your power over them. They don't want you to realise that everything they led you to believe about yourself was actually nothing more than a figment of your imagination. It was a shared fantasy and emotional manipulation. And these emotions were what then led you to act out this role in reality. To where they were then able to point the finger at you and blame you. For something that they co-created with you. Because they were working with you the entire time. You were under their control, you weren't allowed to make your own choices or decisions. They led you in a certain direction which they later blamed you for. But once you've had some time away from them and you begin to rebuild, now they no longer vibe with you. You begin to sense a different atmosphere based on what they're communicating to you. And that is in fact they who are the ones who are toxic and dysfunctional. When in the past you would have accepted that it was you. And you would have tried to change or fix it. But now you begin to realise that it isn't you. Because you've done the work while all they ever did is try to blame you. And hold you accountable for the consequences of their actions. So you recognise that they're insecure. You recognise that they have no identity of their own. And that they're liable to groupthink in a hive mind. You recognise that all you ever got from them was a false character. An illusion of value and significance. Which is based on what they were getting from you. Because all they did was reflect back to you your own qualities, virtues and beliefs. And if that didn't work they would devalue you and try to change you. Because they have nothing to give. They were under unreasonable amounts of control in their childhood. Which prevented them from being able to establish their own virtues and identity. And that is the person who you see today. This person who just goes with the wind. They come across as fabulous or extravagant. But then they completely vanish and disappear. Then nowhere to be found. Because they never existed to begin with. It was a figment of your imagination. It was a shared fantasy. Because if they were really this loving, compassionate person that they had led you to believe. They would still be there. They wouldn't have given up on you so easily. But we also need to take accountability for where we find ourselves. Because the reality is that they've been doing this their entire lives. To where they've become like these magicians or illusionists. They're master manipulators. Because that's what they had to do to survive. They had to engage in manipulation, deception and future faking. In selling people a dream and making people believe in something that is not true or real. And when you've been hurt by someone like this. And you're aware of the pain. It has a lasting effect. It damages you. Even if you're unsure. Or if you don't know if what they did was wrong. Because you're still holding on to that bitterness and regret. You still feel like it was unfair. And it's only when you reframe it and forgive not only them but also yourself. That you will then begin to heal. It's only when you know and accept the truth. And you're able to get it off your chest. Can you then experience real love not only for yourself. But for other people as well. Because the truth is that they actually did the best that they could. From the emotional vibrational frequency that they were vibrating at. If they were vibrating at the higher levels of peace, love, joy or even just acceptance. There would have been a very different result. And of course that does not justify the behavior. It doesn't mean that they're not responsible for their actions or not guilty of wrongdoing. It means that you got from them what they had to give. Based on the level of emotional frequency that they were vibrating. And if it was at the lower levels of fear, guilt or shame. Then they will continue to experience more of that. Until they finally decide to make the necessary changes. But unfortunately most of them will never develop that level of consciousness and awareness. Which is why when something goes wrong they will always blame you. Because they're trying to deflect their shame. And you will end up blaming yourself and carrying their emotional baggage. Which will prevent you from healing the damage that they caused. Until you begin to practice the art of acceptance and you embrace it. And when you do that your vibration will shift. And you will no longer decide to be around them. Because your frequencies will no longer match. And you're not on a level that they can reach. So there's nothing they can do to get you to attach to them. Although they may still try. But that is when you need to set a boundary and distance yourself. Because if you're around them long enough they will bring you down. That shame destroys anything that it comes into contact with. It's very thick and dense. It's like a black hole. Nothing has enough energy to escape it. Which is why the only thing you can do is get away. And you can practice love and compassion from afar. Because when you do that you will feel healthy and free. When you set strong boundaries. And you separate yourself from their dirt and crime. But that doesn't mean that they're just going to leave you alone. They will still try to come back because they're drawn to your light. But as long as you reframe it and you practice acceptance. You will be untouchable. And they won't want to be around you for long periods of time. Because your vibration is too high. It will only cause their shame to resurface. And anyway they will only come back to sabotage what you've developed since they were gone. They're not going to come back to build. A lot of them can't even establish anything with their own lives. So they haven't got much chance with you. And by knowing this you won't even decide to be around them. But they still have this mental snapshot. These thoughts and ideas of your old identity. Of the person that you used to be. And just being around them will trigger you. And it may even cause your insecurities to resurface. But a lot of times people think that feeling triggered is a bad thing. They may believe that they're not supposed to feel that way. When in actuality that is a sign that you are healing. You're supposed to feel something in your gut when you're around these types of people. It's not meant to be a pleasant experience. The problem is when you stay too long. And then you start feeling tempted and enticed to engage in reckless activities. You start becoming more like them. That is a sign that you've gone a step too far. And then you need to find your way back. Because they're not going to do that. They're only going to pull you in even deeper. There are no limits or boundaries with narcissists. They will drag you into their mud. And then one day you will wonder how it even got this far. But that's just what narcissists do. They drag you into their muck. They're not there to lift you up. They couldn't do that even if they tried. All they can do is bring you down to their level. Because they lack self-awareness. They don't know the truth. Or they don't want to know the truth. So they hide from it. They run. So they fail to understand the reasoning behind why they do certain things. Which is why they can only do these things to you. They can only subject you to the very things that they are running from. Which is why they will never see or understand that the truth is within you. Because you've already accepted it as your reality. You've outgrown them. Because they don't accept what they did to you. It may look like they're okay with it. Always though it doesn't bother them. But they deny it. They deflect it. They gaslight. Because deep down they are aware that what they're doing is wrong. And with that comes a lot of shame. Shame that they're unable to resolve. They can only project that onto you because they can't get it off their chest. They can't come out and confess. So it stays within them and it continues to grow. Well we choose to accept our flaws and mistakes. Because we accept what was done to us and we leave no stone unturned. We do everything possible to solve the problem. And to achieve a good result. Well being mindful of them. Because we understand that what we do to others we do to ourselves. The attitudes and behaviors we choose to adopt. Create consequences that imprint on us physically and mentally. Which is why when you embark on a certain course of action. It makes you more conscious and aware of certain things. It makes you more sensitive. Because you're choosing to accept it as a part of your reality. Which means that it will have a lasting effect on you. Because it will incorporate certain emotions, choices, decisions, actions and behaviors that affect your future. Because there is no separation. Everything is comprised and contained. What you do to another person is what you do to yourself. And you will experience the effects of that. If not now then at some point in the future. Which should make it easier for you to let go of any desire or need to take revenge. In retribution for what they did to you. By knowing that they will get what is coming to them if they're not already. That doesn't mean that you should give up on just behavior or treatment or fair mindedness. Whether it's for yourself or another person. But it should help you to realize and understand that we are all connected. So if narcissists can't deal with their shame and regret and jot around them. You will find that you're having to take on a part of their burden. Because they may have been abusing and deceiving you for years. Even after you confided in them about everything that happened with your exes or with your parents. So they know there's no escaping from that. They know they're pre-ordained so they can't accept it or let it go. All they can do is hold on to it. Which will result in them blaming you and hating you. Which puts them back to where they've been their entire lives. They're still locked under control to whether unable to express themselves freely. Because they have a fear of being judged. So they have no freedom to develop their own identity and beliefs. Because for them to do that they would have to expose themselves. And of course that's not something they're going to do. They fear that no one would accept them. Because deep down they already know that what they're doing is wrong. They may blame you for things. But they don't really believe that what you've done is wrong. Of course at some level they recognise and understand that a lot of the things you did were the results and effects of what they did to you. And if they were in the same boat they'd probably do the same thing if not worse. But they know that there's no justification for what they did. They know that their actions are not necessary or appropriate for the circumstances. That's why they hide it and instead they blame you. Instead of taking accountability for their parts. Because that's the whole point of the manipulation and deception. At some point you begin to recognise that not only do you not want to be around them but they don't even want to be around themselves. They can't even sit in a space on their own. They need to engage in constant activity to distract themselves. They need to be surrounded by flying monkeys and enablers at all times. Because the truth is they can't even stand themselves. They can't stand what they've become. And a lot of times you become that distraction to where they're constantly badgering you. They're constantly on your case. When if they're so high and mighty you would think that the first thing they would do is look at themselves and make the necessary changes but the reality is that they don't even want to know themselves. They can't sit with those feelings. They have to project it onto you. Because the truth is they actually have no interest in themselves. It's all about manipulating you and deceiving you. And making you believe that there's something real or something better. Or that you're missing out. Because if they can't get you to align with that type of thinking then they're forced to look at themselves and the mess that they've become. They've spent so much time observing and controlling other people that eventually they begin to lose touch with themselves. It's like they don't even know who they are anymore. And that is what you will find happening to you if you spend enough time around them. You will lose touch with yourself. Because as with them so without you're connected and engaged with someone who has no identity or belief system of their own which will have a lasting effect on you if you're around them long enough but if you're around someone with a strong identity it will have the opposite effect. It will move you in the right direction as long as they stand for something good something more positive and productive because then you will find that you're heading in that direction as well because as long as you're around someone they will have some type of influence over you whether you recognize it or not it will begin to affect the way in which you think, feel and behave especially if it's a powerful person or if they have a lot of followers and this is typically how it goes with narcissists because they're often surrounded by their flying monkeys and their enablers people who encourage their disorder people who encourage their behavior to continue but it's also a choice that they are making because they're quite comfortable with that they like how their disorder functions and how it gets and the result that they want so there's no incentive for them to change because it protects them it protects them from ever seeing themselves as they actually are because they can just dump it onto you or they can get one of the flying monkeys or enablers to deal with it which is why they targeted you because you were nothing but a distraction from themselves and their reality from the fact that they failed to develop an identity and uphold their own beliefs and then they devalue and discard you but it's only because they'd otherwise be forced to accept that they manipulated and deceived you they'd be forced to look at themselves and see that their false character isn't real and that their entire life was a lie because they were controlled from the very beginning they had no sense of freedom to develop themselves so they're just a reflection of whatever they think other people want to see they're too afraid to live outside their comfort zone in which they might experience risks especially when it comes to doing something right because they fear rejection and abandonment they fear exposure they fear loss and despair so instead they experience the chain's elephant syndrome they stay stuck just as they were when they were children because they gave up on themselves a long time ago they have no fight left in them unless it pertains to manipulating and controlling you but it's never a fight for themselves because sometimes they actually feel as though you are them and they are you you become an extension of them to whether there is no separation there's no distinct line between what is right or not right it's just anything is anything it's whatever you or they wanted to be because they gave up trying a long time ago they accepted that their reality was not strong enough to contain themselves and that their identity was not good enough so they discarded it they got rid of it and if they got rid of that then you can be sure that they're going to get rid of you you can be sure that they're not going to treat you well because just look at how they treat themselves they have no respect for themselves they're willing to engage in anything without drawing a line for what they're not willing to tolerate and if you got around them long enough you will get caught up in that as well you may find yourself drinking alcohol excessively or doing drugs because this is what they have to do to cope with the shame they're not doing it to have fun which is why you may observe a lot of the things they do and wonder why they even bother doing it if it's not even making them feel good but it's because they feel like they have to it was what was taught to them as a child which is why it's all they have to give to you while you may be trying to grow or elevate they're not going to be able to go there with you they experienced a lot of control in their childhood so they grow up learning to control the people around them if they had experienced freedom maybe they might have desired that same freedom for you that freedom for you to decide and choose but they never had that experience in their childhood so in their minds it's fair game they can do whatever they want with themselves and they can do whatever they want with you because they were controlled from the very beginning and they experienced trauma it caused them a lot of pain and their emotions were not bad so they created this menacing character to protect themselves because they didn't want to go through it again but by doing that they had to accept that something was wrong with them that they weren't good enough as they were so with that came a lot of shame which is all that they have to give to you because they already know that if they were not the problem then why would they have to be the ones who create this character and the illusion why couldn't they just be themselves but they created it because they were taught that they are unlovable they were taught that something is wrong with them when the reality is that they could have been okay even though they may have inherited some traits and characteristics from their parents it could have been counteracted by the proper care, love, attention and compassion but they never received that so they never learned empathy so by the time you come around them it's already too late because they've already seen too much in their lives the damage has already been done and they don't want to do the work they just want to blame you so they don't even have the ability to change or reverse it all they can do now is accept their fate which is to blame you and to never become what they could have been and to never experience what they could have had with you this one thing destroyed the narcissist control they experienced a lot of control in their childhood so now they want to control you because it gives them a feeling of escape and distraction from that feeling of being controlled by being on the other end of it that's what gives them power and power is all that they actually want because they can't connect but it's just a false sense of power because power is meant to come from within it's meant to come from truth from knowing something and without needing anyone to validate it because when you do that you're just giving your power away but they can't experience true power because they were traumatized from a young age and they never learned to resolve it a problem cannot be resolved from the same level of vibration in which it was created so the cycle just continues and it never ends they just keep going around in circles they're seeking power from you but they constantly feel dissatisfied and wanting more from you because they need you to validate their reality and the illusion but if you're not going to do that then they will just settle for having power over you instead by sabotaging or ghosting you because if it irritates or bothers you you're giving your power to them and that's all that they want they just want to take your power from you they don't want you to exercise your power and authority over them because then you could completely destroy them you would want answers for all of the crazy things they did to you and that would resurface their shame and of course they don't want to answer for that it may look like they're running from you but they're actually running from themselves you want to understand them you want to connect to them but they can't connect to you because to do that they would have to connect to themselves and they don't want to connect to themselves they don't want anything to do with who they actually are and if you do then they don't want you they'd rather just settle for the fantasy the illusion because at least then they can feel comfortable but when you're confronting them and you expect them to be accountable and responsible they just can't do it because that would require them to accept that something was wrong with what they did it would require them to connect to that true part of themselves which is underdeveloped and it's something they're trying to run away from so of course they're not going to let you do that they're not going to be vulnerable and they will quickly reject you before you get the chance to see who they actually are because although at times they may seem kind of compassionate while other times they may seem forceful and domineering there is another side of them that you don't see and they're not going to let you see that side of them because that is who they actually are and it's very weak and vulnerable so they won't let you get close to that but if you ever did you would find that side of them to be more welcoming and more accommodating it's just never going to happen because they fear rejection and abandonment but if you look in their eyes the moment before they rage or when they're triggered by something you will see that they're experiencing this moment of shock and distress and it's like in that split second window they revert back to their child self but it's never for a long period of time and this is something that we all have if you're normal and healthy you will have a strong connection to your child self and you may decide to engage in fun and playful behaviour whenever it seems appropriate but narcissists no they can't do any of that because they are terrified of rejection and abandonment and they fear exposure so they're not going to expose that side of themselves around you or anyone else you will never see it they will never be vulnerable or be able to connect to you they will never be able to experience a deep emotional connection because they're paranoid and hyper-vigilant and they fear that is the moment when you will strike so they're never going to let their guard down they're always going to be that way and they're never going to experience the very things they want and need which is why they're always going to hate and envy you because you have this carefree attitude that they don't get to experience which is why it's all about piling duty and responsibility on you to try to make you serious and more like them because you're constantly triggering them by revealing that lighthearted child like self that you have which they can't access because they experienced a lot of control in their childhood they were traumatised from a very young age so now they feel like it's not safe to be free they'd rather just lock themselves away and throw away the key and that is also what they will do to you if you are around them long enough they will quite comfortably lock you both in a room and throw away the key because at least then they don't have to watch you experience the very thing they're never going to get which is your freedom because you're not chained to any unnecessary or unrealistic standards or beliefs you can just be yourself as long as it's not harmful to yourself or other people but they can't participate in that which is why they're so uptight and it's just all about control because that's exactly how they feel so they try to make you feel the same way and once you catch on to this and you realise that there is no way to breach or get through to them that is when they will see all of these things wrong with you they will devalue and discard you and in some situations you may never hear from them again because they realise now that all they can do is go off and try to fool someone else but if you couldn't access that real part of them you could be sure that no one else is going to be able to do that they're just going to do the same thing to someone else and you should know that by recognising how skilled they are in their craft of manipulation it should tell you that they've done it before and that it's really all they know how to do they just can't exist in the present moment without thinking about how they're going to get went over on you which is why they're always so miserable because there's no fun in doing that what we do to another person is what we do to ourselves and even if you try to deny it the shame will continue to grow within you but they have no choice but to run away because it's either that or you're going to be asking questions you're going to want answers and they're not looking to take accountability or learn from their mistakes a lot of them really think that they didn't even make a mistake they're very arrogant and entitled so they believe that it was justified and if they got the result they wanted they're just going to go and do the same thing to someone else and they're going to experience the same results they're still going to be miserable they're never going to change they're just going to get the same results again and again and they're never going to be happy because they do not want to be around anyone who knows who they actually are for a normal person that would make us feel a lot more comfortable and narcissists are aware of that so they will deliberately deny you of that they will act like they don't even know you they will play down your qualities and abilities and your achievements and accomplishments but for them the opposite is true they're not proud of who they are they know that they're bad and evil so all they want to do is play pretend they'd rather settle for power than love because they believe that unlovable so when you heal a lot of times they're not going to come back they may still try to use you if they see an opportunity but they're going to stay distant and instead they're going to find other people who are just like them people who lack self-love people who have some form of weakness that they can exploit but they're not going to come back to you you see through them you bring up their insecurities things that they don't want to accept about themselves so all they can do is run off and find other people who do not accept themselves people who lack self-love people who are not comfortable in their own skin that's their way in and as you've probably experienced this not to make you feel more comfortable it's just to break you down even more because the truth is like kryptonite to them they can't be around that because they wouldn't know where to begin they lack empathy so there's no incentive for them to change they don't want to take accountability so it's all about keeping you down or avoiding you or both if they can have it their way but either way they're just living a lie a delusion and anyone who comes around them is going to share that same delusion but they can't come around you because they know that delusion isn't going to cut it and they will cut off anyone who knows the truth about them if you know the truth it will only make them hate you even more and then they will plot to destroy you they're not going to let it go they hold grudges for life because they know that although you can admit your truth they can't admit theirs because they know theirs is a million times worse they wouldn't know where to start which is why all they can really do is live a lie while you live in truth because although you may have shared your truth with them they can't share their truth with you which means that they will never be real and they will never experience love and you will never be able to connect to them and they'll never be able to connect to you but you can connect to someone else because you've released your fear and shame but theirs continues to grow within them which is why many of them do become stalkers because they're still attached and trauma bonded to you based on their shame and a lack of confidence and conviction in themselves which is why they will be constantly watching you and they may even come back with insulted remarks because deep down they know that it is them they know that they have a problem they can't let go because they know that what they did wasn't justified but what you did was because while they may have known what they were doing you didn't know what you were doing and of course that is why they targeted you to manipulate and exploit you because an innocent person is willing to give their power away they're not going to hold on to it because a lot of them may not realize just how great they actually are but once you catch on they can't be around you because they know it's them they know they're not right but they will still try to maintain the attachment they're not going to let go because it allows them to live in this delusion where they are right otherwise they would just let it go and then they could just move on and forget about you but they don't do that instead they're always watching you they're stalking you on social media because you are one of the few people in their lives who refuses to believe in their delusions and they are very insecure they already know that they're wrong so they need your validation and support which is why they're constantly seeking feedback whether it's from you or one of their enablers or flying monkeys because none of them actually know what they're even doing they're just feeding back information to and from each other and it's typically done in such a short space of time so they have to assume that they're right or otherwise they've got nothing to go off of so they'd rather assume that they are right even if they're wrong than to have nothing at all because then they wouldn't even know what to do which is why they will brainwash and indoctrinate you and it's all just their emotions rather than a logical discussion because they already know that they're wrong they know that they wouldn't learn the argument so it's always about their feelings and their feelings become facts and now they have to punish you and it's an excuse to manipulate and confuse you so that you don't realize your true power and how much greater you are than them because they already know it, they're already aware of that and that is the reason why they targeted you they just didn't want you to find out because they fear rejection and abandonment and they also fear being exposed and they fear that you may retaliate and misuse your power just as they did to you because they already know that what they've done to you does not permit any forgiveness or compassion it was premeditated it was calculated it was thought out so it was evil and wicked because a lot of the things they do are thought out far in advance and they know exactly what they are doing they know and understand the future consequence of their actions and they don't care so if they don't care about you they're not going to care about anyone else at times it may seem that they do but watch how they manage their emotions and stress it's always directed at you and when you're not around you can be sure that they're taking it out on someone else whether it's their new supply or their children because that energy has to go somewhere and it will destroy anything that it comes into contact with just as it did with you if they're alone they will just end up sabotaging themselves which is why they always need new supply they can't be alone they can't validate themselves so of course they've got to start smear campaigns and build destructive networks against you because you are the source of their life and energy and their campaigns and networks assist other like-minded predators that have harmed you who are only seeking power to capitalize at your expense because yes they see your light they know you're greater than them which is why they don't leave and it's why they keep coming back if something is beneath you and it's not something that you approve or agree with you're not going to keep going back to it if it isn't benefiting you in some way they come back because they know that you have something special that they don't but they will devalue you and manipulate you into thinking that they have that but it's only ever an act of manipulation an illusion or a mirage or it's future faking they play it on your imagination because that's all they've got and at the same time they're stripping away everything that you've got from you because although you may not realize it at the time after they've brainwashed and conditioned you you've actually got it for real and they're just reflecting your light back to you because you live a life free from control you don't care about what anyone else thinks as long as you're not causing harm when it's the exact opposite for them they only don't care about what people think if they're able to cause harm to you because it's a distraction from themselves and they decide to harm you because you're seeking freedom you're seeking a life free from control which is something that they never got to experience and it's something that they're never going to have so now they despise you because you've consistently revealed that to them so now they only want to destroy you although they may at times disguise it as love and acceptance and they will be very agreeable in the beginning but they can't experience that for real because all they've ever known is control and having to manage other people's perceptions of them they've just had to be whatever they thought other people wanted them to be instead of being who they want to be that had to be decided for them and they were valued based on their image or achievements rather than who they actually are and they chose to go along with that because they saw an opportunity to gain power and control which is where they feel comfortable and this is why a lot of them are based in cities and they don't like to move around too much they like to be in places where people know who they are where they can be seen they like groups they like places where people are gathered together because then they feel more comfortable they don't feel strong on their own that's why they start media campaigns and they're always surrounded by their enablers or their flying monkeys because they prefer controlled environments where they can have the power and gain supply they tend to dislike nature and rural areas unless it's a photo opportunity for Facebook or Instagram because they just can't be themselves without people knowing who they are without being seen they hate peace because they have no peace within them they're always restless and if you're around them long enough you will feel like you're going insane because they're always there they can't see you they can't see other people a lot of them can't even see other narcissists and it's because they can't even see themselves if they could see themselves they would probably stop what they're doing which is why everything they do is outwardly focused they're always pointing the finger at someone else they've always got their nose in someone else's business they can never mind their own they're always gossiping they're always stringing people along and it's just all control because that's the only thing they've ever known so it's the only thing they can give to you and when you're with them you will end up going along with things that you don't want to go along with but they manipulated and deceived you you thought it was something else and they didn't have what they actually wanted to give and you will feel like you're losing your mind because they need you to be crazy so that they can feel sane you're an extension of them you're not a real separate person because in their minds you're a part of their network so you should not have any real separate values or beliefs over your own and if you do they will go all out to destroy you which is why you need to stay distant from them to avoid getting caught up in their mess because they're only going to pull you into it and don't fall for their lies and manipulations don't think that you're missing out on anything with them if you've spent enough time around them you will have seen what they're like they're full of rage they're very emotional they're not grounded in reality they can't think logically they can't come to sensible conclusions because they have paranoid and they assume that you're out to get them they've got to micromanage you because it's either that or they have to look themselves and as we know they don't want to do that because they will quickly identify a lot of problems that need to be fixed and they like the power to fix them so they're just going to hold you accountable and pass that off to you but they will never see that it is actually their control in nature that is the problem you will never get them to see that you will fall on deaf ears you will be ignored or disregarded because they're not interested in any kind of self-development they're not looking to develop their characters or abilities so in their minds you're not about anything because they see you as they see themselves so they don't really believe that you can grow or be better but regardless of what they believe love always wins in the end and we must love and accept ourselves and teach other people to love and accept themselves as well if we love and accept ourselves we will feel no desire to cause pain or discomfort to another person or living thing that has nothing to do with love if you love and respect yourself you won't try to cheat or deceive anyone you won't be able to see anyone in pain or distress without stepping in to comfort them unless you have been severely, physically or mentally impaired and in that case there's not much you can do but you should have the decency and the consideration for other people to take the time to recover and heal or to confide in someone you love and trust or speak to a licensed therapist or coach and tell you when nourish back the health otherwise you will be spreading this energy and toxicity which of course is something that we should not desire to do and this is something that we need to be aware of when we are engaging with other people because it is harmful, it is toxic and it is negative and it will have damaging lasting effects on other people so we do need to be considerate of that if we love ourselves and if we care about other people but if you are dealing with narcissists you should be avoiding them whether you are in good shape or not of course some of us may be codependents or people pleases and we may want to show them love, compassion and understanding but narcissists are very dangerous they will see your love and kindness as a weakness and they will exploit it they will only come back to hurt you because they lack empathy which is why the best thing you can do is avoid them or go no contact if you can because they don't have your best interest in mind they are only thinking about themselves they are not thinking about the betterment of society or of a family unit or of mankind and their actions up until this point should prove that to you it should reveal that they are just going to keep doing what they are going to do and it is never going to change because they can't change and in many ways you should be glad that they can't because then that may pose an even bigger problem for you but the reality is that they will always be that way you are never going to have a genuine experience with them they are never going to do the work to make things better they will only come back to use you and they will reflect back to you whatever it is that they think you want they will love bomb you they will come back with false epiphanies because they know you wanted a future, a family, a marriage, children and all of these things but they weren't about any of that they were just using you for supply because they know they don't deserve you and they know that you deserve better so even if they tried and they weren't about it for real they already know that it would just be a matter of time until you get rid of them because they are not going to be able to live up to your standards and expectations which is why they give you the false character or they devalue you because they already know you don't really want to see who they actually are and they don't want to be rejected and humiliated so they continue with what's comfortable for them what gets them the things that they need because they don't want to do the work and I genuinely believe that most of them even if they tried they wouldn't succeed and even if they did succeed they know it's not the be all end all they know it's just the beginning and it's just too overwhelming for them they're not built for that they're built for short term they're best to be treated as objects as something to be used because they have no long term sustainable value but yet they switch it around and you they use you and then when you figure them out they run away but they're actually just running from themselves they're disowning these parts of themselves that they don't like and assigning them to you they place financial hooks in you anything to leech off you because they know that's as good as it gets for them they know it's not going to get any better than that they know you're not going to give them a chance even if they do come back so they settle for what they can get your energy or your money they run off with that and share it with other unsuspecting victims people who still believe in their lies but it's all make believe a fantasy a delusion because they never resolved what they had with you there was never an equal exchange or any reciprocation you weren't getting back what they were manipulating you into putting out so your life and positive energy goes to them and that is why you feel drained by the end of the day while some of you just feel drained all of the time because you're putting out all of this energy and you're getting nothing sustainable back in return you're just getting their garbage energy and it doesn't fulfill you so then you just want to be alone well they're off entertaining their new supply with what they sucked out of you they're using that same energy to begin their new relationship and while they would have preferred to have that with you they knew that they couldn't because you already confronted them you demanded something of equal exchange and of course as we know they can't live up to that so they didn't have it to give to you if they had it you would have gotten it and that should bring you peace of mind at the end of the day because it all stems back to that feeling of not being enough they knew they wouldn't be enough for you they knew you wouldn't be satisfied unless they know that you will be for sure then all bets are off they're not going to participate or agree to that unless they know that they're going to get that same energy back from you in return that's just how it works and they look at it like if they're not going to get that from you they're going to get it from someone else even though it may not be as good as what it could have been with you at least then it will feel more real for them because it's not going to feel real for them with you when you're constantly questioning them and threatening to expose them you want something real for real but they just want something that seems real and there's a lot of conflict there so that's just not going to work unless you're willing to exist in this fantasy and you're this character that they want you to be and they get to have power over you they're not going to see you as their equal or trying to be anything for you because they already know you're going to want more you're going to want something real and they just haven't got it to give to you so what can they do their only option is to leave and start again with someone else and it may not be real or even sustainable but it doesn't trigger that abandonment wounds to wear their fear in disconnection worrying about future disappointments and worrying about potential threats and losses even though they may be likely to experience a lot worse with their new supply but at least in the beginning it doesn't seem like that for them a lot of them are being manipulated as well so they go with it because they can't do much with you what could they do that's greater than what you did for them that's the whole point of why they targeted you and why they eventually end up ghosting or discarding you it's that need for certainty and control a predictable outcome even though a lot of times things actually turn out very differently to what they expect and they're typically the ones who end up in an unfortunate situation at the end thank you for watching if you found this video helpful please give it a thumbs up share your thoughts in the comment section hit the subscribe button to receive notifications if you would like to support the channel you can donate at paypal.me.narchsurvivor you can book a one on one with me on my website it's narchsurvivor.co.uk thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon