 Steve! Hey! What's up? How you doing? Good, man. How you doing? I got your text. You want a video chat, man? How's Nebraska? Oh, it's great. Omaha is awesome. Derek, I actually don't really have time for that, okay? Lean back and listen, because Uncle Burger is going to tell you a tale. Hi, my name is Steve Berg, and today we're going to sk- Oh, my God. My name is Steve Berg, and today we're going to be discussing the history of the absentee belts. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers, mate. So our story takes place in 18- 18- 1864. The Civil War is raging. Limbs are being lost. There is blood, being a pound everywhere. So it's election year. The president at the time, Abraham Lincoln, he knows that he's unpopular with the soldiers. They're like, that dude is the Widowmaker. He's the Widowmaker? What does that mean? It means he makes widows out of your wives because you're going to die. In this whole Emancipation Proclamation thing of 1863, that's a bit too radical. And so entering into the race is General George B. McClellan, who the soldiers know they respect him. His whole platform was about like, let's, you know what? This is an unwinnable battle. People are dying. Let's just make peace with the Confederacy. Let's come to some kind of arrangement. And they all kind of dug and felt like he gets it. Oh, ouchie. That burns. So there's a word I invented called integrity. And Abraham Lincoln had that in a big, big way because he was like, look, the election doesn't look good for me. But what is more important to me is that there is a fair and democratic election where all legal voters had the chance to vote. The thing is, though, there's quite a quandary because how are we going to count these votes? Well, you know, dudes are all over the place fighting this battle, right? So the Secretary of War at the time, Tilda Swinton, but it's not. It's Edwin Stanton says Abe, babe. What if we created an absentee ballot, right? Or every soldier, anyone who's not able to be there at a poll to vote physically in person can send in their ballot and it will be counted. And Abraham Lincoln is like, Edwin, that idea just booked. Greenlight it. Go, go, go, babe. So the absentee ballots go out, right? And General George McClellan is like, dude. Oh, honest Abe just handed me the election on a silver, gold, brass platter, whatever you want to call it. What an idiot. But cut to September of 1864 to the Battle of Atlanta. Much to everyone's surprise, this is a monumental victory for the union. They block off supply lines to Confederacy. And all of a sudden the tide has turned. Soldiers are like, wait, hold on a second. We actually could win this thing. We're in the red zone. We're on the 17-year-old line in its first and goal. Why would we stop now? I mean, I got an absentee ballot. Maybe we should vote for Lincoln. Oh my God. Wouldn't be drunk history if I didn't hiccup, right? So due to this whole situation when November came, Lincoln ended up winning. 78% of the military vote and 55% of the popular vote. That is a decisive victory. Helping him in helping the union crush the Confederacy and winning the Civil War. And it's all because Lincoln had the balls to put the country before himself and say that democracy is worth fighting for. And protecting this right to vote is the utmost important thing, period. And I'm drunk. And even I know that, okay? The absentee bells won the Civil War and saved democracy. So that's pretty sweet. Democracy, dude. Let's not let it die. Cheers. To America. How's that? You ain't dead yet, babe. You ain't dead yet. Vote. Vote. You've got to vote. Vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote.