 to Y254 TV. I hope you're having a lovely evening today. We are coming to you live from Nairobi, Kenya and thank you once again for tuning in to Power Talk. I am your host Sheryl Blessing. This evening I want us to talk about friendship. We all have friends who we cherish and some friends who we term as acquaintances. I want us to understand who are your true friends. Does to friendship exist? And do you have conflicts between you and your friends? How do you resolve that? And joining me live in studio is Tess Moura who is an actress and a content creator. Carrie Boussana Tess. Thank you so much. You look lovely this evening. Oh thank you. That's just how you are. And right next to Tess we have Kefa Ochoi who is a conflict resolution consultant. Welcome Kefa. Thank you. I was just telling my guests how both of you make a jumpy match. Why didn't she tell me? Now this evening our conversation about friendship is informed by a text that we got from one of you. I don't know if we can bring that up right now Teemo. So we got a text about someone whose friend stole their boyfriend. And this is the first conflict that you want to address. We know that these are cases that they come up in friendship mostly with women because this was a lady who sent us the text. Now do men experience this as well? So join me while I start this conversation and I want to hear from you back at home. Tell me on my social media platforms go to at Y254 on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Niambe, if you've had any conflict with your friends, what conflicts have you had and do you think true friendship exists? You can also find me on my personal pages which is at Sheryl Blessing. Now to start this conversation let's start with the professional because you have dealt with a lot of conflict. Now in your opinion do you think true friendship exists? Yes it exists. It depends on the foundation when you meet with somebody or now you build the foundation. So if you build the foundation on lies then it doesn't exist but if you build a foundation on honest communication and you accommodate each other opinion and everything it exists. I like that you've specified the foundation is the most important. Now Tess I'm sure you have some friends who you cherish. How did you start your friendships? Like what was your foundation with let's say your best friend or your closest friend? Basically it's because we have or I felt like and I saw that we have the same goal you know we have the same interest and stuff like that there is respect between us. I only have one best friend she is so respectful and even when there is a kind of conflict there is a communication when we disagree you know as friends you have to disagree so she is one person that is so much on based on communication she has to communicate you know you did this and this and I don't like it. I like that and the fact that you've said you have one best friend that was specific. Now we all know we have these terms we have acquaintances colleagues what not Kefab who would you define as a friend and who is an acquaintance or a colleague? A friend is someone who can actually die for you yes it doesn't mean that it's a relative you can have a very good friend a non-est friend but who is not even a relative so a friend is somebody who is who can accommodate your madness let me they are madness yes who can accommodate your madness and who can actually feel for you even in terms of difficult or even in terms of happiness somebody who can feel for you somebody who doesn't want a payback once maybe there's something which you have done so that's a true friend somebody who doesn't talk you or whatever you call like women me say so somebody who follow you yes that's a true friend see we have to differentiate between relatives friends and even normal we see we have kind of several kinds of friends so when we talk of true friend it doesn't mean they are real star enemies yes yes so all of them they are friends but the way my colleague has said that one friend who you can sit with when you are in trouble or when you have private matters you can talk to and you release yourself and you've brought very important points in that one statement yes someone who can die for you yes friends who become family because you've known each other that's like your sister your brother and someone who wouldn't spread motion about you yes yes no test would you say your best friend is would you call her your sister absolutely because I actually call her my unpaid therapist because she really deals with a lot but she really deals with a lot and we've known each other for more than four years now yes yes yes and I would say like she's a person who is genuine very genuine her intentions are just pure especially with the job that I am doing content Christian their hate comments their words someone but is shaming you she is one crazy person that comes to my social media takes my phone tells me no you don't have to do this blah blah blah she she just does some things any even some things that even a sister can't do let me say that because she is more than a sister yeah she is family one person that became a family of which I am so very very very grateful for that yeah and that sounds beautiful the way just described that because she really has your back and they're taking if we're being honest yes our friends hear the most unhinged things about us like something that your boss would never know you tell your friend and they're like girl okay it's okay I get you and the way you you said that you've known her for four years careful would you say it's easier to make long-term friends as a child or as an adult because she just recently met her friend yeah so uh uh when you took about long time I don't know what you mean is maybe I can summarize in that way uh friends doesn't matter how distance you are yes provided somebody has actually put you in his heart or heart it does matter the distance the most important thing is communication honest communication and the commitment yeah it's like the relations for boy and a girl the moment you decide to commit that this was this will be my husband or my boyfriend you commit with honest communication with respect in the same case to friends whether it's a boyfriend or a girlfriend so distance is not uh some but of course again you make a commitment also to meet even once in a while yes right now for example if you have a friend in America they have committed for five years and they are good so once in a while maybe you can uh travel from America or this can travel to America just to have a cup of coffee see when even when you have a cup of coffee it strengthens your it bonds you that's true so distance uh uh yes at some extent it has some it can bring conflict in terms of misunderstanding maybe in terms of text right now for example I don't like texting maybe you are texting me I'm texting you are text I can misunderstand the way I was writing is not the way you can interpret and it brings a conflict yes so that can also bring uh conflict or misunderstanding between wrong distance friendship yeah yeah so that's what I'm telling you I rise under communication yes I like that you've even gone ahead because later on we have to talk about prioritizing your friendship and making time for your friends okay now you've brought in communication and test you also mentioned your best friend is big on communication so you're clear and you know exactly what's going on if there's a conflict you know what is going on yes have you experienced miscommunication with some other people that made you realize I don't want this person as a friend and what was that experience um now uh initially we were three before we remained two and there was this she was actually my closest friend compared to my best friend right now and it would reach a point where there is a conflict or a kind of small misunderstanding and then she goes silent you know if you go silent I'll go silent as well because uh recently it's when I'm learning on communicating like if you do something or if I'm not comfortable with what you do I tell but then I was not talking so she went silent and we went silent and that's how it died you know and it happened a number of times because she used to go silent and then uh this other friend comes in between now that's when we talk but me and her we were not even having any conversation and I felt like this is not what I really need in this because I'm not a person who is very good at communicating of which I'm learning so if you don't now the friendship is over how are we going to survive I'm going to survive I need the person who's going to support me one way or another so that's how it ended and then I learned the importance of communication for friendship it's very important even as we say in relationship it's very important yes and I like that she said that because yesterday I met a friend of mine I've known this friend for so many years and I was just saying thank god for my friends because they're good at communication I'm the kind of person who I'll think about texting you and then I forget so Tuesday next week I didn't I didn't text so when you have a friend though you've described your best friend was good at coming in and being the mediator and she was good at communicating so probably there was miscommunication and this other friend was also introverted she didn't know how to express herself now Kepha would you think do you think it's very important for you to understand the history of your friend maybe with the family background and their character because it can help you know how they react in certain situations there's a few things you need to understand about somebody before you become friends but not to dig inside because sometimes but not all times the family background cannot actually portray that this person has the characters or the personality of the entire family you get if you come from a family of pastors that doesn't mean that you will be apart so when you meet like now when we meet in the district Nairobi and we become friends just no more friends what do I have to dig your family background you get provided I see that you are a person who has the same physical like mine and we can actually help each other and you are open honest and everything that's enough for me the other family background that's your own and I feel like that's where disclosure comes in where disclosure is where you feel like I can open up about certain things and keep certain things aside because there are people who you'll feel comfortable sharing with some information and some you're like I need to know you for a few more months then I can know if you process it well actually the most important for example if I want to be your friend you see you can't be friend to ever put yes you have to identify what do you want in this person do you want to develop together does he have the same with you see somebody who can motivate you someone who can challenge you in terms of even development education wise some diagram that's what we call a true friend to me yeah somebody who can make you to move from step one to step two because growth is something that we all have to go yes you can't be with a friend who you are he does nothing yeah there's nothing more that you bring exactly yeah notice when did you in your in your journey with your best friend at what point did you really realize oh my god this is like my sister this is my closest friend the moment I started uh I don't like calling it famous but or celebrity but the moment I started appearing on the screen okay the moment I started appearing on the screens more you know that's when I knew because trust me it's more harder than you can ever imagine you know the comments the hateful whatever people hate just wake up and what it's you today and they comment whatever they they feel you know and that's when I knew she she she is really more than a sister because she took there was a time actually she took my phone for two days and we went out like just away from Nairobi like away you forget about it and she was talking to me and telling she's not a person who is an online person then she was like you don't have to listen to these people if someone comments a hateful comments about about you they like someone something that you have that is what she told me and since then I can just comment and just comment I got somebody and I love that because she's your personal cheerleader she's like don't look at what they're saying yeah I love that so uh as before we just get deeper you talked about personal growth because we all grow individually in your journey test you've grown carefully you have grown professionally spiritually so do you feel like when you're growing up at a different rate with your friend maybe you got a job and they're still not employed or they're still trying to hustle do you feel like that can cause a strain in friendship I don't think so because it depends for somebody's decision you see like me I can give an example I have categories of friends I know what I want to insert somebody who is a friend to me and I have a friend who are older than me who I call my mentors you get and I have some some people who are young who are my friend I mentor so depending on which class you want to be uh it doesn't matter whether you are uh you are you are rating with educated people and educated all of them are friends but what we were uh I was looking at that one best friend yes that one who you can sit with and tell you more or no even private matters yeah so just open up and be yourself yeah even when you have stress something like maybe you're stressed with a boyfriend or a girlfriend you can talk to yes without feeling like we don't judge you yeah but the rest you uh you have uh you have your personal decision who you want to be friend and for what purpose yes now will you say friends have different the way you've described it you have different people yes maybe someone who's at work from from the professional aspect yes then for your social life yes so would you say friends are also seasonal uh assistant of friend is not a friend I love that response yeah it's not yeah it's just some produce was passing by okay so that's more of an acquaintance we knew each other yes yes but our friend is somebody you have been with and you want to be with until that oh yes yes now what about friends that you've known because you've gone through different stages you've been a child teenager high school university do those friendships still count no they don't exist right now I can tell you for free like now like you know for example when you were in a primary we translated to secondary you realize that uh from my area maybe in rural area you realize those may be more specific you say you see they do they get married yes yeah even if you go after 10 years the people you can find is the boys and for example right now I have just one friend we went the same primary same secondary same university so and we are being with him for that room every day we have to meet that's what I call I've honest and true friend but of course come here in Europe now when I was suffering look for a job I made another friends and also we became friends like the other one the child friend so it depends I can say it depends on the foundation still I go back to the foundation yes two it depends on what we want because if I see this is as is good and make the content and I'm interested I have to have to look for a way to be free so that I also I can run you get because there's something that you're seeking from the country we say some or some maybe mission together and now we have the same maybe goals to actually achieve yes and that's also important from the way you both described the value of friendship you have to share similar goals interests and all these things because they bind you together okay now also proximity matters based on the way you've described you've gone with this friend from primary high school and that's very rare by the way yes so Tess will you agree that the proximity of you and your friendship can influence your relationship yes I do because it means you know each other in and out you know like you know what they hate you know what not to do you know a lot of things about this person but for ladies I think it's a bit hard let me say this okay let me bring in the aspect of jealousy yeah for the ladies I think we are more jealous if we see someone or your best friend or your friend doing better than you you kind of tend to get a bit jealous and that brings in a little bit of conflict not even a little bit conflict yeah just separate way yeah so I think the most important thing is to just find a friend who is not going to be jealous about you who's just going to be happy that you're making it you know yeah the ones who are celebrating you they're the ones who are telling you yes keep going not someone who's been who'll be like don't want to bring you down what are you doing this is not going to take you anywhere you know there's some some time some time back someone told me that and trust me that is the worst thing you can ever hear from a friend who you trust and you believe so just get for the ladies to know how to to drill like you don't have to be jealous there is one thing I feel like his friendship with ladies I don't know yes two sisters can stay in the same room and they get a conflict and they even true and I don't know I don't know what it is about us women that we like to compare like oh my god the jacket why don't I have it yeah the shades I wish I had that so women we need to welcome dad madam if you're watching I feel like we all need to intentionally work on our friendships and work on ourselves so that we're not jealous of our friends but that's a person I don't think it should be because it's intentionally about what you are and who you are as a person and now let's bring it to the conflict because to start this conversation we had the question a lady texted and told us that the friend stole the boyfriend and that was you see this is a fact is okay jealousy meaning the lack of communication you mean you are you are a bad friend it's all in this conflict so let me read it just so we get the entire context hey me besty I'm going to knock on a boy one go and a jiffa you're going to go caring but behind the scenes I don't know what to do now this is a very common situation we can all agree on that there is also the series that was that it was called euphoria I don't know if you're familiar with it yes these things are common yes and the lady was dealing with the boyfriend while comforting the friend I'm saying don't worry you deserve someone better this man is not even supposed to be with you but whole time she wants to be with the guy yes have you personally experienced anything like this I yes I have but was not that close of the best friend he was just a friend okay yeah and I feel like mine was not like this is just that I didn't see it I was seeing the red flag as the pink color like red is my favorite color let's go yeah let's go I'm not singing you I'm singing up on what are you saying so yeah but this is something that happens a lot a lot a lot and let me say because tell me why she's telling the friend all caring and whatever but behind the scene doing this means right even this lady the friend is not even a true friend you know genuinely yeah yeah is not is not even a true friend so girl move move and I feel like we this is something that's unspoken this girl code and if I like a guy or if I've been with a guy you're not even supposed to look in his direction yes if I don't even know his second what's number does he have a phone you're not supposed to know these things exactly so when someone intentionally goes behind your back to get the number and be like I want him then that's not a genuine friend yes have you dealt with conflict like this yes yes I've dealt with them how do you advice them one thing you need to know we are human beings yes that kind of characters makes the word so beautiful so interesting true yes I assume we were all of all of us who are to be genuine need to be they want to be boring okay yeah so even movies I feel like we can do more than we can buy they want to be boring so one thing maybe I can advise maybe young people you need to accommodate each other and before solving the conflict you need to prevent yes because every let's say the case of tell you maybe the case of the gsm s you realize there's two people who are not genuine yes the guy and the other that's true don't blame the guy the guy at all because if I am honest to my girlfriend even if he have friend comes and they start talking nice talking to me I can't accept I will just push her away true you get or tell your girlfriend be like your friend yes yes but test let me let me just ask you because you know girls we have this perception yeah of guys will not tell you if someone is hitting on you on your guy exactly they won't tell you yeah will you do you feel like that's the most common case or do you think guys come and tell their girlfriends there's this friend who's saying something I feel like if this guy is so much genuine with you yes he will he will yeah but it is just passing through oh my friend just keep silent so you you both agree it's about intentional yeah the person yes or both parties they just have to be a genuine person yeah but how do you determine that in that case this lady is aware she's aware that my friend is hitting on my guy but she's here comforting me how can she tell talk to the friend even kefa if she came to your office and told you this is my case what would you advise her to do the first thing is just to relax give it time don't be judgmental you see one thing we do is to be quick to judge yeah just to be silent be be just quiet and have a conversation an open conversation in a common ground right now you can go to dinner you see even as a boy sir let me now let me now talk about boys at some point a you look at a treatment and there was somebody say maybe having a conversation with you see most of the reasons they are they break because of communication yes you get so I would advise this ready to have an open communication with this guy and with very much observation but not to be judgmental just make a very sober decision and it gives time so that she can able to see some characters you see some characters like now ready is if you feast your boyfriend and you find some slippers for the guy you you already know that so those small small thing she can all she can be keeping watching the characters even like now if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend and you can compare from the time he started up to this moment you have you are here in those stories you can see the changes of characters the ways he was he was treating you and now again yes so and now what you need to do is to find where you maybe you are not satisfying that guy of yours in terms of even social in terms of even in the house maybe exactly so it's basically the way you're saying she has to come down yes assess the situation read these characters yeah but river on hold on judgmental yes and that's a very important thing because you know most of us are very quick to judge yeah it's like oh you said hi i love him i don't care so maybe we should be slow to judge that's what the bible even says yes now let me go to our facebook we have some comments and that's roti platinums who says yes it exists and i have four friends and it's going so smoothly that is such a beautiful testament and we love that for you platinums thank you for texting us ian levis ke says yes depending on the principles you set for your friendship kisiwa out of bongo my counting is following live on air thank you so much ian and that's good because your principles and your that's the foundation that's the foundation of your friendship yes then we have morris jake of macocha who says watching from kaka mega namushia cabras big no morris who are these friends who hurt you otinya conscience jonathan says katame otinya katame we are here live logged in jesse jay says eldoret equal locked thank you so much jesse alvin muhanji says yes but rarely that's also a true statement true friendship is very rare jacks oyen says yes but it's minimal that's also an agreement to alvin thank you so much for that denise okiyoma says which friendship which friendship denise vika ali ben says yes it does thank you for that quinnett bestie says count me in quinnett we see you thank you evans mavia says watching from naivasha kihoto sikuhizi thank you and best of this comment kuna too opinion yeah so i want to go on a very short break and stay tuned i want to hear more from you do you think it exists or not and how do you resolve conflicts yeah so stay tuned this is why 254 tv and you are watching power talk why 254 imagine it is art that will blow your mind and culture like you have never seen before and i will be serving with this and much more only on why 254 channel any other unexploited artistic talent gava through ministry of information communication and the digital economy na kbc sasaome come up na project yaku promote usani called studio machinani he's in his studio called grassroot and they are fitted with high quality state of the art equipment where you can produce quality audio and video music content for free what's more one offer mentorship and talent yakuita promoted on kbc channel one tv why 254 na radio stations are kbc tembelea studio machinani hukokomaroks langata sauti house mombasa kirwara hukoga tanga kitui next to manyoni chiefs camp na kisungo city wako hapo kbc station usilali a talent this is your chance to commercialize and popularize your talent through studio machinani beautiful people on your girl ivy collette and this is tano curly on why 254 every friday from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. if you want to catch an amazing local or international artist this is the place to be and i have a fun guest for you every other week and of course i have a challenge for two areas that's head to head but make sure it's all about good music all along tuning to kickstart your friday vibes stay tuned why 254 imagine thank you for sticking to why 254 tv once again you are tuned in to power talk my name is sherri blessing and right before we went on the break we were trying to find out does true friendship exists and this was informed by a story about a lady whose friend was trying to get to the ex-boyfriend so we want to understand how do you solve conflicts like this or any other issues that arise so once again you can engage with me go on my social media platforms at why 254 tv or at sherri blessing send me a comment send me your opinions if you have any questions we will sample that as we progress now before we went on a break we were just trying to see that the foundation of the friendship matters the individuals character and the similarities in beliefs goals and all those things play a role in determining if there's true friendship and from our comments which we read we can tell that there are people who know this true friendship and the people who are like no not today they're no real friends so i want to bring us back to the question that we had we've just seen that you have to be calm observe avoid judgment but test this is the ex-boyfriend this is not the current boyfriend do you think that really matters like if it's we are not together maybe we broke up even two years ago and my friend goes to that guy do you think it would matter i think if my friend did i'll end that friendship like immediately yes why am i why are we what yeah why because i feel like that is it's like she has been waiting for you to talk to me yes yeah that is it so immediately i left to yeah so you'd say that wasn't genuine because it's kind of you're waiting for me to leave and then you enter you are asking when you know and you know i feel like that also makes you doubt yes when we were together with this guy were you talking about something going on exactly or maybe or even the reason is to why we are exes yeah maybe because i've had of cases where there are friends who will tell you boyfriend information personally i've had friends who've told me you know this guy texted my man and she was saying this and this and that i'm a bad person or cheating so there are friends who would do that and this is mostly with ladies unfortunately but careful have you met guys who do things like that or have had conflicts yes please tell us about that tell us about one case that stood out what what i can say uh some people are joking life yes uh because uh you see when it comes to a relationship uh it's a serious matter yes you don't need to do that and you accept somebody who has gone for two years then coming back what are you doing yes so those cases are there but so but uh we need to ask ourselves uh from where we started in the background uh what's the character of this person you see there's somebody even if you feed even if you take care 100 percent still the same yeah not gonna change yes the only thing are you ready to accommodate madness yes that's the point you have to be willing to try that he goes out and he comes back still your mind stay up to know what you're going to exactly yeah exactly yeah but again uh that's where now the bible comes in you keep on praying for him or her for change because you can't change a grown up true yeah you can't change a grown up there are so many cases in actually uh most cases right now they happen through our smartphones yes this social media so most cases uh such a kind of our relationship and they are common actually there's uh there's uh rumors or not rumors there's a talk which is going on right now marriage today is a contract yes there is that yeah yes which contract are you talking about exactly so uh me i can say uh we are a human being we are in this world atucumbinguni so the only thing i can actually advocate for people is to be willing to accommodate each other knowing what he wants or what he wants in that person person if it's a relationship and you have gone ahead up to where maybe you have sat their kid together just uh sit talk openly if he that person is willing to get another wife just decide whether you're staying in that marriage or not but know that this person he can get even the fourth wife if he has not changed the character is the same yeah he's the same and you see what you're saying is you have to know your friend you have to know the character of this partner yes and decide if you're willing to commit yes friendship yes yes and then you know from there that's when you avoid judgments yes of things that they may do exactly now i want to talk about jealousy yes you said that women are usually jealous and that's true because sometimes you want to compare ourselves with each other do you think it's healthy to do that to compare yourself with your friend no it's not yeah it's not because it's just going to kill you let me tell you one thing one thing i was told by my mom uh when i was entering this social media i was like never compare yourself to anyone even that person that you look up to never because at one point you're going to end up doing things and getting out of the person you are so that you can get that thing that you want or you can get to the to be the person you're comparing yourself to you know so i feel like it's it's not healthy it is not it's not even as as a friend i cannot if my friend tells me by the way i've won uh uh whatever what are they called is it a lot of money yes i'm like wow we are rich you know yes we are rich not like kais you said you are me i mean we missing our pesa you know that you start with you question yourself once your friend has won something or has made it in life trust me you are jealous you are jealous just have to be happy about it because that is that is not the way to go never compare yourself and i feel like the minute you start getting jealous then you stop being a friend yeah there's going to be a lot of conflicts a lot of disagreements on every little little thing yeah yeah let me talk about money because there's this thing about learning between friends would you say it's a good thing or would you advice learning your friends money no i don't do that if i'd say to us to assist our sister to forget yes a true friend i don't give and start oh no no no no i don't loan money to friends i assist and that's good assisting is good because it can bring conflict comes from yes genuinely yes it can and have you tell us have you experienced the situation where you know even with ladies it's more about even learning clothes someone borrowed this one dress and they've stuck for three years and they tell you it's lost i think right now i've learned my lesson and i i sometimes i'm this person that i've even actually learned not to be soft as much because if you come to me crying if i am in a position to help you i will help you without any question but i feel like muslifani don't you want to maintain your friendship please don't don't but i don't know as as as he has said yes assist assist not not because if you do that's going to end your friendship that's true yes careful you are adding yeah but again it depends on which kind of loan like now if he or a CSF maybe a relative or a brother or a sister in hospital and the beer is huge like 200,000 you get it and you have them you see sometimes let us be you can't assist 200,000 for example just you just give but don't ask back if he's a true friend he will give back to you at his normal time without pressure yes he will just refund automatically so don't bother to ask just give knowing that he will come back at what at any time you don't expect and i think there's one thing i learned in this one film of four friends so the friend loaned money but not with a timeline she just said i'm willing to give this to you because the friend was stuck it was something to do with the house so she said i'm going to give you this money but i'm not expecting it you'll pay me back when you feel like you're comfortable enough instead of next month where's my money where's my money now let's also talk about boundaries boundaries in regards to tests like you've said your friend will sometimes take your phone and text the haters will you give your friend your phone to text your boyfriend oh doing what why trust me that is out of bounds out she even knows because i can't why would i do that even imagining it it's so insane you know right but uh if you have a good friend she'll know where not to cross at a job boundaries half I could work on you and i could do a family unless it's an emergency you can text them my husband or boyfriend don't do that even when i'm going please text my family and i feel like up up here boundaries it up you yourself yeah if i don't like people working in with shoes and you cross that then that's not a friend wouldn't you agree yes i agree with that because uh right now what i normally afford to have a conflict with my some some of my friends uh if i say if i go this route we are going to have issues if i just drop yeah because you know yeah because i don't want an issue i want peace with everybody so i have to know that this person doesn't like this yes why do i want to do it yeah we have issues yeah so unless you're not genuine yeah then you so if i notice doesn't want me to talk to his boyfriend why do i force myself to right yes now let me wrap this up because we are i think our time is running out let me bring it back to mental health we know this is a conversation that we've been having more and more in the past few years because people are learning to prioritize mental health and that's why people like you care for come to play because you solve conflicts and help people to be at peace now have you had instances where friends were dealing with friends who had mental health issues and i'm talking about maybe something serious not with the character like flaws and whatnot serious mental health issues they have bipolar disorder they have i don't know they they switch up you know split personality disorders have you encountered people who have conflict with their friends based on that so first of all we need to understand what is meant to hurt even the person is meant to hurt yeah true very true depression even stress is meant to hurt yes so those are the cases which are out here and they are common even you see people even mothering themselves because of depression stress some tired yeah so those cases are there and one thing because they don't have true friends yes i can tell you for sure and i love that you've said that because it brings me back to what test was saying earlier she was going through a process of haters and people on social media but the friend took her far away now would you recommend or how do you detect and tell apart someone who would be there for you at your lowest point and someone who wouldn't care about the haters and what people are saying how did you detect and see between your friends to know that this is someone i can lean on on my low days and this is someone i can't trust to even tell about my issues one thing i like and it's because recently or for the past like two years one and a half before i tell her i'm going through something she knows it i'm one person who is jovial so when i'm silent that means i'm going through something so before i even say it to her she knows it she's like what is happening what is happening you're not you and then that that's when i knew she is the person who can really be there for me even when i was going there was a time i was going through a lot when i recently lost someone and she was there for me like literally and that's when i was like yeah this is the person i really were to commit to as a friend and that's your sister improving that's your sister because you know it's it's the perception even that you can tell the character is off the mood is off today that's very important because most people will not perceive that very easily yeah now kefa as we wrap up the conversation what would you say at the some of the things that you shouldn't do you should avoid doing them in case you have a conflict with your friends one don't cross this line or just respect him respect her respect his opinion accommodate his madness or her madness what when i say madness all of us we are mad true to some degree to some degree and if we if we want all of us to be the same then i don't know whether you are a god or what so accommodate each other and respect each other the way he's or the way he does his things or as he does his things don't just start arguing oh i spent it a biya who are you telling example to spend it a biya just says accommodate that person if he's a friend if he's a friend and know that you have boundary the way we have said that you are not supposed to go beyond this because that is character true you you have one thing you want to be a friend with him you know what you want you want the purpose you know the vision you want to you know what you want what exactly and i love that one thing that you're sticking with is know the character of your friend yes and accept them yes because if someone is just naturally they'll fight with people at the club you have to know this is my friend you have to know this is my friend i want to talk about the differences in values and beliefs because we're all raised different we're exposed to different media i don't know like comedy and stuff like that so we're all different and we have different values what if you have different political views this is something especially in kenya right now we're very aware of the way people have different views of the government's performance and certain people test if you have maybe different opinion political opinion specifically with your friends how do you resolve issues like that personally during okay let me start with that election time i was like please whoever you're going to support keep it yourself let me keep it to myself to partner when you buy let's not talk about it i was actually watching a clip by one of a person i love watching auntie jemima she made a clip of that friends arguing about things politically i support this you support this that doesn't mean we are we cannot be friends keep your opinion to yourself let me keep my political yes then we continue whichever wins whichever goes whichever rules it's okay yeah and you know i feel like that's especially very sensitive with the political views it's very sensitive because in kenya it's tied with tribalism there's the history of different people and i had a friend who shared with me that she she knew someone who posted something and it was very tribalistic during the elections or very very vocal about it and they said something that was very bad about a certain tribe and this friend belongs to that tribe and tried to she tried to to ask why would you say that and generalize everyone knowing that i may be that tribe yes and the friend was still adamant at you know i'm not talking about you i'm saying about people of this tribe but then the friend says my family is from this tribe even if you take me apart what about my mother my grandmother my cousins so do you think keffa conflict like that can be resolved yes it can be resolved if we understand that what is peace for peace actually when you are in peace even mentally you are in peace like now if you hate somebody then you are not in peace so those conflict can be resolved uh when this talk that's why we call it mediation you just identify the parties the two parties is a political class and they're exactly and tell them that this dunia are too kind forever yeah true yes we are actually here for us what time you're just passing yeah so political whatever it comes five years and it goes and you know that's another thing yes your political alliance this season we're probably not in the same one in the next election what we need to create is a peaceful world yes where we can assist one another without looking at tribalism without looking at the class without looking at anything so if you come and identify those parties now i'm talking about mediator you need to sit with them and they decide on their own what way they want to go yes yes i don't decide for them yes i'm mediator to come if possible don't even avoid talking about it exactly yes and don't judge them yeah and i love that that is the approach that most people the Gen Z especially had with the last election yes people know on social media like i don't care what's going elections i don't care i was just swiping notice think that you're a social figure you're in a space where people can criticize you and tell you their opinions without caring if you're human or not if you have friends who tell you cruel jokes and they say it is no i'm just joking or something that attacks even your family and it's personal what would you do in a situation like that how do you deal with a friend like that first of all you're not my friend if you tell me that let's start from there like if you have to there's no joking about it they wanted to say it so to sugarcoat it they're like oh i was just joking it was a joke there's no joke about that there is something they wanted to tell you so they're just sugarcoating their first message they have passed their message but that's like you to be living in the something which was being talked somewhere exactly yeah even that someone comes and tells you your friend at you know we're sitting with Kinanani and they say this and this about you careful is that your friend no that's not my friend you're not a friend but it's our friend you see we have to understand from the beginning we are not enemies yeah we are not enemies we only cross the boundaries and have some issues but yeah so all of us we are friends but you identify one or two those friends who you can sit and talk or mothers because you can't tell every friend you have problems yeah and then it's also i feel like it's it's mean when you intentionally say something that you know if i told you cry about it exactly because why would you say that yeah and again we we come back to characters why do you tell some particular fat in front of people oh my god you can't take a joke and you say it's a joke you sugarcoat it and say it's a joke it's not a joke i know and you know that people who do that continually yes they don't get it yeah now i want to bring it back test you said that you had an instance where you had a friend who was a bit silent a bit quiet a bit reserved so you would say that silent treatment is not a means of conflict resolution i know it's never yes never now how do you amend that let's say you and your best friend you're both bad at communicating but you really genuinely think this is my home girl this is my bestie how would you deal with that first of all i won't eliminate you with just being silent i'll look for other things i'll start now going back you know if you're silent maybe there's certain characters or there's certain things maybe you're jealous and there's some friends who are jealous and they show it yes you'll go buy a show come back here to new old school someone once told me that actually last year oh my god i was told i just and then i was like no so i'll look for something else it's not only silent treatment you know that but if it's silent treatment at some point one of us has to communicate for example if i get a friend who is just silent like i'm also introvert you know i can't talk about it well at one point be like no we have to do yes we have to talk about it whether we want or we don't yes yes especially if you want to keep the friendship you see the friendship it's worth keeping yes then you but i can add something yes yes if you are my true friend that one friend we have been discussing about you need not be silent but what if it happens on some issues no care for you know i find that characters are different yeah there are people who've been brought up where they feel like if i have an issue i can share but there are people who as kids they would share their issues and be reprimanded yes so they like not to share issues and they're like i'm hoping you'll figure it out but i don't want to tell you exactly what it is how do you deal with something like that you see for me i just to to say from my heart if you are my friend and you're messed with me you're messed me i just tell you but i don't keep it yes you get so it's better to yes instead of keeping silent and you are claiming you are as the friend the friend yes i i usually do that so those one time my very best friend i love this girl so i i felt like she wasn't coming through for me the way i wanted her to and he started pulling back because i was like if she's not doing it then maybe we don't need to be friends and she called me she was like sherry let's talk about it actively and i had to also realize within myself that i value this friendship and i care to talk about it and see if we can get past it and that's where i feel like when you understand the characters of people and you intentionally want to maintain a friendship you'll go the extra mile now i want us to bring the comments team will bring up the final comment and thank you so much for engaging with me i have had a lovely time this evening we have a is it tai zing kevo who says true friendship exists i have two true friends and of course lifetime friends i love that that's a very good good example russ vini says watching from buhoro village butare sub county thank you russ for watching teacher jackins mongi qua ben says following thank you for watching us this evening and we have a weekly from kirinaga following thank you weekly edwin edwin says watching from diaspora rungai sikwizi tau and we know and even you want to work with genuine abu bakar me singo says yes of course thank you for that abu bakar twelery bond says watching live from kangemi which friendship nahi uchumi hey when he made what i did in the economy me here which has a connection like me see raffi ki it a koum is a andi ufe true story my way i'm really sorry about that morgan denis nyongessa says yes it exists but it depends with the rules and regulations you put across when you're together thank you for that denis we have caroline chip who says test hi caroline love hi thank you caroline we see you more in big and says watching from kirinaga yes true friendship do exist but nowadays me had cupata una patatu you let me say you know it a bitch to you and i think that's about it yes so we've seen kuna true friendship i feel like it's about the individuals it's about the the person and the characters you have to know who you are and what you're willing to offer so to wrap up the conversation based on our comments careful maybe we can start with you tell us what would you advise people who are looking for true friendship out here there's some three or four things but i will say maybe two all of us we are friends but we need to one or two that friend and don't think that those friend two or one friend you can't disagree you always disagree disagreement is part of life but remember there's three words always remember to say sorry thank you and forgive we laugh at yes that was very short answer yes and i hope you took that and ran with it because i have yes test how would you sum up this conversation from someone who's experienced true friendship what would you say to someone who thinks there's no friendship at all number one as he has said always learn to say sorry thank you and for giving for me i always tell my friends i love you that is one of the most i always always tell them i love you and another thing is when you're looking for a friend you find yourself a friend that you match you know the energy goals you want to achieve the same things stuff like that and a friend who see it anyway it's it's a one-sided best friendship it should be 50 50 you know it has to be a friend who cannot back bite you or say anything bad about you when you're not there thank you i love what is put on the screen nobody's your friend until they defend your name in your absence this is so true and i feel like that sums up the conversation yes nobody's your friend until they defend your name in your absence when you're not in the room they should stand up and say that no and that's it i feel like that has been a beautiful conversation i hope you've enjoyed it as well i repeat of this will air tomorrow between 1 and 2 p.m you can also catch us on youtube at y254 thank you so much to our camera operators they've been very very lovely in studio our sound operators so that you get the very best yeah the director team more up there everyone the team the station controller i am very grateful to all of you and the viewers back home as Santisana for tuning in that's it for today my name is sherry blessing and this has been the power talk show thank you