 The first time that a woman made me feel appreciated or made me feel like a man, was this woman in Thailand or was this woman in Colombia, this woman in Brazil? And the response from Black women tends to be, well, we ain't want your ass, no way. I'm trying to take that conversation a little bit deeper. All right, so one of the beefs that I'm in on YouTube, it's not a real place. But anyway, one of the beefs I'm in on YouTube is with a group slash movement called SYSBM. It stands for Save Yourself Black Man. Have you heard about this? Hold up. What? SYSBM, Save Yourself Black Man. Who they saving this up from? Black chat. So to put it, to give you kind of a full context, basically... This is a real group? It's a real movement, absolutely. I don't know if it's a group, per se, but they have people that are considered the founders of the ideology. They have people who subscribe to the ideology. The beef started because I would see people comment in my comment section, hashtag, this is why I left SYSBM. These women are just beyond saving SYSBM, but basically their ministry is that our community is beyond saving, particularly because our women are so unwilling to work with us, particularly because our women are so unwilling to offer us any value. So the value that is expected of us. And then some other shit that I definitely don't agree with. But what are your thoughts just by hearing Save Yourself Black Man? What are your thoughts on that immediately? Or questions even? It's a little weird, but so... I feel, okay, Save Yourself Black Man. So what are they doing? So... They're leaving the country. Oh, them. Okay. I think I've seen somebody post something about Black Men, something about passport, I think that's what you're talking about. Password bros? Yeah. It's close. I would say passport bros are different, but there's a lot of overlap sometimes. On Facebook about that. What is... I guess for me, what are they saying our community as Black people or just women? Because I feel like you can't... What is it that they're... Do they think we're... I guess I'm trying to figure out is it the whole community or just women? Because are you just leaving because you can't find the right woman for you? It's technically, now I don't know if most of the people who subscribe to it have actually done their full due diligence to understand the nuances of it, but technically it's... I'm leaving the community, the Black community. I have... Especially the Black American community. I have no duty to it. It has done nothing for me, so it can expect nothing from me, right? But more specifically, it's because the Western world is liberal and its liberalness is pedestalizing the whims of the female delegation over the male delegation. And especially in the Black community, our community is a matriarchy, right? The men have been locked away, the men have been turned out, the men have been systemically castrated, right? So most of the authority figures in our community, until some dudes, until they get to college, they don't have a Black male teacher, right? Is women, right? And that goes back to the superiority complex I was talking about earlier. But men, and unfortunately it is the men that would be useful from just a technical skills standpoint, are saying that there is nothing here for me because I'm not even appreciated for what it is that I've done or have accomplished. And the first time that a woman made me feel appreciated or made me feel like a man was this woman in Thailand or was this woman in Colombia, this woman in Brazil. And the response from Black women tends to be, well, we ain't want your ass, no way. I'm trying to take that conversation a little bit deeper. But what are your thoughts so far? My thoughts are, do they truly understand the history of our country and what have they done individually for the betterment of the Black community for women? Because to me, it sounds like you, in a sense, like, did you really ever care? I mean, Black people get on my nerves sometimes too, but I can't leave us behind. Like, I feel like that's a slap in the face to our ancestors. It's a slap in the face to the people who are doing the work. What have they done? They may have the technical skills, but clearly, real quick, to kind of juxtapose it. And people hate when I make this comparison, but I think the comparison is apt. Have you heard of the divestors? So the divestors are basically Black women, typically dark-skinned Black women, who feel similarly disenfranchised from the Black community. And their whole thing is, get your white man. Okay, I didn't know it was a name for it, but I... Now, I bring that up because the attitude when a Black woman is presented with, for instance, a fellow Black woman with a white man tends to be very different from the attitude of when you're presented with a Black man with a white woman. Why that difference? Is it different for you? No. Absolutely not. Okay. But do you see that it is typically in the mainstream, it's like, yes, girl, versus, oh, he must be one of them. Yeah, what I see is, I do see some women under the comments, I guess saying the same thing. The guy say, well, they don't want us anyway, so, you know, do you, homegirl and all this and this and that. And then some people will be like, kudos to her, ain't my cup of tea, but kudos to her. I mean, I'm not going to ever down anyone for who they decide to love, but no, I will down you. I was going to let you finish. Let me rephrase that. I don't down the people when it's genuine. They're not saying, I'm going to find me a white man. I'm going to find me a white woman. Some people end up in interracial relationships because of proximity. Those are, that's just kind of how it happens, whatever it is. They're not necessarily looking for a white woman or a white man. It just so happened to happen and if that's your thing, cool. I don't know about those people that intentionally seek out because they feel the others are better. I do have a problem with that. I don't care if you're a man or woman, I have a problem with it. And I think it's sad and I think it's self-hatred because it's just like, how do you get so happy about sleeping with Massa's granddaughter, great granddaughter? How does that, I don't get it. I don't see the pride in it. Her people probably don't like you. I think it's important if you're with someone that the families can get along. It doesn't have to be perfect, but when you're coming together in a relationship marriage, you're building your tribe. So y'all got to be able to come together in a good way and if they don't like you already and she's just, I don't know, I don't get it. Do you agree that a lot more grace is given the other way around? From women to other women who got themselves a white man. Yeah, I see it now because I've noticed that it's becoming more of a thing. But I do know most black women we try to stay within. I do see that it's not criticized as much. That helped me make sense of that. I don't know because I don't know. I guess because maybe them as black women, and you're right, it does tend to be deep, deep dark skinned women that you mostly are going to see, not all the time, but most of the time with white men. And that hurt comes from not, I know it's come from not being loved by your own black men. Not feeling wanted. Not feeling wanted, not feeling like you're good enough, you're pretty enough. They desire, a lot of them desire a racially ambiguous or a lighter skinned black woman. You have a lot of color as black men. You do. So maybe they've been hurt so long and it's not justifying it, but they hadn't been told they were beautiful and to this white man told them they were beautiful. But you see the parallel? No, it's definitely parallel. I don't, I feel like, I don't. And I think, you know, I think despite the fact that I have my qualms with the Save Yourself movement. I think, like I said before, the fact that men are finally having a chance to speak their peace, hopefully it results in us having a bit more empathy. Because for a lot of those men, that was their experience, very similar to the black women not feeling wanted. They didn't feel wanted as well, whether from their mom, they didn't feel validated, you know what I'm saying? They didn't feel treated well, just on the street by black women, even though they were good dudes, relatively speaking. But I think we've been so socialized to empathize more easily with women than men. You know, it's just for the men, it's just pick better for the women. Well, if these niggas were better, men, we wouldn't do... They be telling us to pick better, too. I see the comments all the time, that's who you chose. That's who you chose, like, oh my God, we all choose all of us. So that segues perfectly into the namesake of this series. You know, the series is called Kevin Samuels Thought of this Conversation. I'm going to just give you the floor. What is your opinion, thoughts, feelings about the late Kevin Samuels? I'm going to be honest. Be completely honest. I didn't follow him. I don't watch his stuff like that. I'm one of the people that I might have saw clips in there and maybe half of the episode is something came up and it just happened. I have a scroll past it. But from what I've seen, I think his approach was probably the biggest thing. I didn't really care for her when I would see the clips of judging, of having the women rate themselves and all of that stuff. I feel like, one, I feel like I don't know why the women did that anyway. But I don't really know his, I think it's mostly his approach because to tell somebody they're not worthy based off of how they look physically that they shouldn't have this type of dude and because of how they look or whatever it is. Because a lot of his views, when he would ask them their weight and stuff, it's very, it can be very Eurocentric. Black women are built different. Faces, face structures different, nose wider, hips might be wider. Things on us tend to be more volumptuous. So from what I would see, it was just like, it just seemed to be very Eurocentric views on what women should be look like or things like that. Other than that, I'm beyond, I don't know what that means. OK, I tell you, I'm not, I'm not one of those people that I see these relationship people and all that stuff. I might look at it here and there just to see what they talk about or something went viral, but I'm big on you have to have. The reason I don't is because I feel like they tend to have this one way, like blankets. They make a lot of blanket statements as if this is the only way a relationship is should be. This is how it has to work. This is how it has to be when in reality there are people have to do what works for them. So the reason for me, Kevin Sam is such an interesting figure, interesting case study. I also didn't like follow him to the T, right? But I think he's interesting because this was one of the first times that I could think of. That women were held to task. Because, you know, in 2020, he went viral for, you know, the whole average at best video, you know, the lady that he told the rate of the dog walker, dog business groomer, lady. OK, who was making six figures. Well, he caught that he caught her a six. So yeah, no, no, she called herself a six and he was like your average at best. And that's what went. Somebody said it. Oh, why he must be one of them. He must. And that's why, you know, that's why I approach the conversation the way that I do, because real motherfuckers on the street cannot talk like that. It doesn't those. Oh, you're the what daddy? What's your size? This, this and that. It doesn't work like that in the street. It has to be more organic conversation. But nevertheless, I think context is vital, right? And there was a lot of footage before the viral clip. There's a lot of footage after the viral clip. And I think what happened before and after is really what's important. We focused on the wrong thing. Because in the clip, what happened is this lady called in and she called him in particular because at the time women considered him the high value man whisperer. Like I said, early women are hypergamist, so they want the best possible man they can get. And as a culture, we've defined it as six foot, six pack, six figures, six inches. Right. So they called Kevin Samuels because he had defined what a high value man is. And he was giving women his insight on how to attract that type of man. The problem is because of a general lack of self awareness and because of a more specific lack of female self awareness, because I'm every woman. That's right. We have been conditioned to only think about what we want. We never stop to consider what that thing might want from us. So when she called the show, she said, Kevin, I make six figures. And here's the important part. I'm finding that I cannot respect a man who makes less than me. Why can you not respect a man who makes less than you? Simply because he makes less than me. Right. So I think that was mistakenly framed as a black man trying to put a black woman down. When it was actually more so a black man trying to give a black woman perspective from the vantage point of the thing that she claims she wants. Because that caliber of man that she's identified as the North Star doesn't give a shit about her six figures. You know what he cares about? I was, well, a man that makes that much money, he probably wants a woman who's going to be home, take care of her family, possibly. Before that. It's his dinner. Before what you mean before that? Before like being home, taking care of your kid. Oh, they're looking at how you look. They're looking at how you look. They definitely look. And that is the context, right? So it wasn't simply he was trying to make a feel bad. It was, I think, and maybe I'm giving Kevin same as the benefit of the doubt. But I think what he was really trying to get across was you don't really want what you think you want. Because I'll see. So what's he saying? She wasn't cute enough for a man that made a lot of money? Because that's what it says? But more so, you're not cute enough for that type of man. You're not ready for the lifestyle that comes along with that type of man. You're not ready for the restrictions that come along with that type. Because during one of his streams, some lady was saying, yes, she needs a man to make $600,000 a year. And he basically asked her, do you know how to do country club wife politics? Do you know how to move in those circles? Do you want to move in those circles? Is that the type of life you want to live, where you see your man once a month? But again, because of our culture, we only consider, I want a man making a bunch of money. We don't consider the fact that he's not going to have a bunch of time. He's going to have to be around these types of people that I might not have an affinity for. But again, because we live in a culture that just says you deserve, you deserve, you deserve, you deserve, the reason why he was such a lightning rod is because it was the first time where he made people do math. Do you qualify for this job at Google? What does your resume say? Do you really want your using the same Google analogy? Do you really want all the information on your laptop to always be available to HR? Most people, it's no. So no, you don't want to work at Google. You just like what it looks like. You know? I do believe and I think I've said this to somebody that I do believe that once you get with a man with a certain stature as a woman, if you're not a woman that's making the same or whatever it is in your homemaker, there's a level of autonomy that you kind of lose when you're in those relationships. So you do have to be prepared for that. Some are OK with that. And you know, I've seen women that's, and some women think, you're right, some women think they want that, but you lose a lot of your, a lot of autonomy. And what's frustrating for me in particular is, you know, when I'm having these conversations with women and I'm getting to understand kind of their personalities and things like that, unfortunately, the thing is they still want six-figure dude, right, who was a boss. And a bunch of women want him, but he ain't got no bitches. You know what I'm saying? He can fight, but he's still a corporate nigga and this, this, and that. But what I'm finding is, although the best man for you, based on your personality, based on the things that you've expressed is actually a school teacher making $40,000 a year of a coach, you know what I'm saying? He's going to be a good father to your kids. He's going to be around during important times and seasons and holidays and shit like that. But unfortunately, when women are encountered with these men in the real world, they talk down to them. And that's the frustration that's coming to mind. But wouldn't that be a certain type of woman? Because I think on most occasions, women are dating regular dudes. The majority of women are out here with six-figure plus millionaires and stuff like that. It's just not, at least it's not the reality I see. So. You're absolutely right, however. They're dating those regular dudes and complaining every day. So whether it's the dude who's getting out. What are the complaints? You're not good enough. Because I'm speaking from the vantage point of the black man, the single black man who's saying, yo, these women are talking to me like I ain't shit. And the men in relationships were saying, my wife, my girlfriend is talking to me like I ain't shit. Because she's comparing me to this fairy tale motherfucker who doesn't exist. And if we're being just blunt, she doesn't even qualify for it. So she can never actually, whether we're going to use the S word that people hate. What? Submit. Whether we use that word, whether we use cooperation, whether we use appreciate, a lot of men don't feel appreciated. Because we feel like we're being measured to, and I think it's also a consequence of Instagram and shit like that. But we're being measured to the 1% highlight tape. Do you feel like some men measure themselves and maybe feel inadequate? And sometimes they put that on the woman. She might be OK, but he's not. He feels like I'm not doing enough or whatever blah, blah, blah. I think that absolutely happens. I think not as often as the other thing. I think, kind of like we said earlier, contentment isn't necessarily something that comes naturally to women. Most women have to change their hairstyle twice a week. So with that being said, that takes work. And then the other thing, too, is the men who are comparing themselves. Typically, they are driven men. They are on the path to doing that. So those type of men might say, oh, I'm not even going to get into a relationship until I become that dude. Or we're going to have to work out some kind of agreement where I can still grind and do everything that I need to do. But I'm talking about the men who are ready. I'm talking about the men I just want a good woman, bro. And they're saying that what I'm met with in the street are women who, ugh, your shoes ugly. Or even when I get with them, it's the reason why men hate couple dates. Because everything these days is a competition. Every picture we take is so it can be cute enough to end up on the Discover page to make your friends jealous. It's never actually about, at least this is what men are saying, this woman in reporting. Can I ask the age group of these men? My average viewer is between 34 and 44. Oh, OK. Yeah. My second largest demographic is between 24 and 29. And I thought it was just I had a guy, again, I don't know how the hell he got my phone number. But he called me randomly. Oh, wow. And he gave me a whole speech saying, yo, I love what you're doing, you know what I'm saying? Shout out to you, this, this, and that. And we got to talking about this other female content creator named Cordie Michelle. And now mind you, this guy is like his 50s. During his speech, he mentioned how old he was. He makes good money, this, this, and that. But he was like, man, my wife don't even make me feel the way Cordie Michelle makes me feel. The way she speaks life into me as a black man. The way she encouraged, because in my wife's eyes, all she sees is everything I'm not. You see what I'm saying? And unfortunately, I think why some of this seems so foreign is because typically, either men don't say anything because we want to keep everything copostatic, maintain a status quo because women typically can't take our truth. Or we don't know how to properly articulate what it is that we're trying to say. And for fear of hurting a woman's feelings or creating another problem for ourselves, that we now have to spend three hours talking about. I think it's a lot of the latter. Sure. I think that's the big one, because sometimes it is hard to articulate. You don't always know what it is. You know it's something I write, but you can't figure out how do I say this, how. And sometimes that's even for women, but. You agree you guys are better at that than us though, right? On average. I guess I may not be that one, but. No, you've been a great communicator so far. I don't like hurting people feelings. I don't like hurting people feelings. OK, I can see that. I don't say things sometimes when I should.