 From DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com, I'm Darren Marlar, and this is your Daily Dose of Weird News – the show that makes you want to sing, laugh, dance, shout, cry, call the cops, defect! This episode is brought to you by the audiobook Bed Bugs by Jason R. Davis, narrated by Darren Marlar. If you love horror but hate bugs, this is the audiobook for you. Here, a free sample and support Marlar House by downloading the audiobook for yourself at DailyDoseOfWeirdNews.com. Fox News is officially no longer fair and balanced, as the network will drop the slogan it has used for more than two decades. It was the late Roger Ailes who came up with the slogan in 1996 as cover for the network's right-leaning news. Moving forward, Fox News will be going with the slogan, Most Watched, Most Trusted. However, an unnamed source says that while fair and balanced is out as a slogan, it will continue to be a kind of editorial mantra for the network. Because that has been so effective so far. Attendees at the annual Southern Baptist Convention have voted to condemn alt-right racism along with every other kind of racism. Last Wednesday, they approved a resolution to denounce and repudiate racism, including alt-right white supremacy as antithetical to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Congratulations, Southern Baptists! Welcome to the previous century! Hillary Clinton appeared in a video last Tuesday in which she compared herself to Wonder Woman. Some call her Wonder When She's Going to Go Away woman. A traffic stop in Texas led to deputies discovering what they thought was nearly half a pound of methamphetamine. As a result, 24-year-old Ross LeBeau of Houston was arrested and spent three days in jail. But then he was suddenly released and the charges were dismissed because a forensic lab showed that the substance in question was not meth but kitty litter. Embarrassing themselves even further, the Harris County Sheriff's Office has already put out a press release touting the fact that deputies kept our children and loved ones free from being introduced to drugs. The kitty litter was inside a sock, which granted is a little odd, but LeBeau said it worked keeping his windows from fogging up. If you're a police officer that is unable to tell the difference between meth and kitty litter, do you have any business being a police officer? Come to think of it, do you have any business being a cat owner? According to the book The One Device, The Secret History of the iPhone, Steve Jobs never really wanted Apple to make a phone. Not only was the Apple CEO wary of dealing with mobile carriers, he was worried smartphones would only be popular with the pocket protector crowd. After increasing pressure from employees, Jobs finally agreed Apple could make a phone, and well, you know how that turned out. A study released this year shows that more than 50% of Californians ages 18 to 29 are substituting cannabis for alcohol. It has been proven to be less dangerous than alcohol, but it is harder to drink. Starbucks is teaming up with Lady Gaga to release a line of summer drinks. They should call it the baby it was brewed this way blend. They're only barely at mid-year but have already found the dumbest criminal of 2017. Police had very little trouble tracking down the guy who stole 100 GPS trackers along with other items from the Santa Clara offices of tech firm Roombie. While he apparently thought that they were cell phone chargers that he could resell, the devices he stole were actually designed to help producers track goods as they are shipped around the world. The co-founder, Vidya Subramanian, said we notified the police and equipped them to track the devices, and in about five or six hours it was done. It gets worse for our burglar boy. He also managed to cut himself while taking a beer from the fridge during the burglary, leaving DNA evidence behind on a napkin he used to soak up the blood. Police say that when they arrested the suspect, they recovered Roombie's goods along with other stolen property, including an album of World War II photos stolen from a veteran's son in a break-in earlier this year. For some reason, his name has not been released, suggesting he might be a minor. Well, if he keeps being this stupid, he may never make it to adulthood. Yoko Ono is going to get co-writing credit for John Lennon's Imagine. Actually, I'd rather not imagine. Wow, that woman is still screwing up her husband's career. Sarah Jessica Parker and her husband Matthew Broderick had bought adjacent townhouses in the West Village and are currently combining them into one huge mega mansion. Personally, I would have kept them as separate townhouses, so I'd have some place to go when my wife tosses me into the doghouse. Vladimir Putin has sarcastically offered political asylum to James Comey. And Malania. In Sacramento, Lee Caldwell has decided she wants to be the world's newest billionaire and is looking for Chipotle to make that happen. She is suing them for $2.2 billion all because of a single photograph. While Caldwell has very little chance of collecting that kind of money, she's still moving forward with her suit nonetheless, saying the popular restaurant chain used a photograph of her in promotional material for years without her permission. Allegedly, photographer Steve Adams took a picture of her at a Denver Chipotle back in 2006 and asked her to sign a release, which she refused to do. Eight years later, she says she saw the image hanging inside a Chipotle in Florida, then in two different California restaurants in 2015. In fact, the lawsuit alleges that the chain first used the photo in advertising in 2006. It also says the image was doctored to include alcoholic beverages, which she says cast her in a bad light. So why the massive sum? Caldwell is seeking $2,237,633,000 because that is precisely how much the company reported in net income for 2006-2015. And once the chain announces its figures for 2016, well, she wants that tacked on to the total as well. The lawsuit names Adams, the chain, and CEO Steve Ellis. Okay, let's think about this for a moment. She had her likeness used without permission, and she wants every single dollar the company made while the photo was being used. So she obviously believes that it was her face that prompted people to buy food at Chipotle. And that was the only reason people bought the food. If her photo had not been used, then they wouldn't have made a single dollar. Therefore, she is entitled to every single dollar they made. I don't think that kind of arrogance even exists in Hollywood or Washington, D.C. Here's the kicker on this one. Her likeness is so ubiquitous and powerfully effective, I can't find it anywhere in a Google search. A new survey shows that men are four times more likely than women to take their cell phone out during a wedding. Well, yeah, because we're hoping for some kind of news to get us out of sitting there for the rest of the ceremony. The Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi divorce rumors flaring up again? Good news, fellas! She might be single soon. Ellen on the market. There are several reasons you may overeat in restaurants, but this might be the oddest one yet. When a heavy waiter or waitress works your table, it can prompt you to order more food and alcohol than you otherwise would do. That's the word from researchers at Cornell University's Food & Brand Lab in Ithaca, New York, who found that diners are four times more likely to order dessert if their server is heavy set. In addition, those same diners consume 17% more alcohol, and this effect is strongest on the skinniest diners. So whatever you do, at all costs, stay away from cracker barrel! Unbeaten boxer Floyd Mayweather is going to fight UFC lightweight champion Connor McGregor in a boxing match on August 26th in Las Vegas. Obviously, it's Mayweather who is strongly favored to win, so bookies are only taking bets on how McGregor will lose, judging, knockout, or beheading. In Scotland, an alleged car thief had his vehicle stolen while refueling it at a gas station. Officer Karma always on the job. Scientists say Earth's son may have had a long-lost twin. And you think global warming is a problem now! President Trump's sons are starting a new American-themed hotel chain inspired by their father's campaign. Eric and Don Jr. plan to launch a patriotism-themed hotel chain called American Idea, and will start with three locations in Mississippi. It's exactly the kind of place the Trumps would never stay. You think Americans suffer from lack of education? You have no idea! A new national survey in Food & Wine found that 48% of American adults aren't sure where chocolate milk comes from. Meanwhile, a full 7% 16.4 million Americans think chocolate milk comes from brown cows. I'm not kidding about this. These figures come from an Innovation Center for U.S. Dairy Survey of more than a thousand people. While nearly half of Americans are not being clear where chocolate milk comes from, that might be shocking. Agriculture and nutrition experts are not surprised about this. They have been complaining for decades that Americans are just woefully ignorant about what we eat. The co-founder of nonprofit FoodCorps says, "...we still get kids who are surprised that a French fry comes from a potato." For the record, in case you are an American and you don't know chocolate milk is defined by the Center for U.S. Dairy as, "...cow's milk with added flavoring and sweet nurse." Now you know. A man is suing New York City after he leapt drunkenly from the back of one of the city's ambulances while it was moving. Well, at least he already had an ambulance there. Dairy's latest trip to North Korea, former NBA star Dennis Rodman, has presented Kim Jong-un with gifts, including Donald Trump's The Art of the Deal, a copy of Where's Waldo, a mermaid puzzle, two sets of soap, and two autographed jerseys. A mermaid puzzle. What is Kim, a six-year-old girl? Those who planned to spend this past weekend in the waters off Florida Sunny Isles Beach near Miami, they got a huge surprise. The Florida Department of Health shut down a two-block stretch between 172nd Street and 174th Street until further notice for safety reasons. No, no shark sightings or unusually rough waters, it's far worse than that. Water samples showed that bacteria levels were too high because there's too much poop in the water. Yeah, the beach did not meet the recreational water quality standard for Entercocci, a bacteria in animals' intestines, meaning there was too much human or pet poop for it to be safe to swim. Well, that just put me off a swimming ever again. Soup Man, the company of Seinfeld's soup Nazi fame, they have filed bankruptcy. No success for you. A Belgian movie theater is being criticized for handing out goodie bags at a showing of Wonder Woman that contained a scourer, bathroom wiper, dish sponge and a pamphlet for slibbing pills. Women are understandably upset while men are looking into what it would take to relocate to Belgium. According to a new study, happy people average 7.1 hours of sleep a night. The challenge is sleeping exactly 7 hours 6 minutes. Amazon is buying whole foods for $13.77 billion. Of course, at any other store that probably only been around $5 billion. Elizabeth Banks criticized Steven Spielberg recently for not having directed movies with a female lead. Three words for you there, Lizzie. The color purple. Oregon has become the first state to allow you to choose X for sex on your driver's license rather than choosing between M and Y. Marvel X-Men fans are said to be ecstatic. It is hot in Spain, so much so that overheated students near Madrid were moved from their school to a cooler place, the local air-conditioned funeral home. The unusual decision is just one of several measures taken in recent days as the country goes through a crazy heat wave. And instead of being sent to the corner when misbehaving, the students are forced to lay down in the body freezers. Airport customs authorities in Frankfurt, Germany confiscated 35 tons of fidget spinners and plan on crushing them out of existence. They say they tested the toys, which came in multiple shipments from China and found that parts could fall off and pose possible choking hazards for small children. So what do you call the destruction of 35 tons of fidget spinners? A good start. Cadillac has launched a vehicle subscription service for a fee of $1,500 a month, so you don't buy it, you just subscribe to it. Or here's an idea, how about you pay a third of that each month and actually own a car? British dentists say the National Health Service doesn't reimburse them enough, so they're refusing to take patients who have bad teeth. Wait a minute, Britain has dentists? IKEA recently announced that it will be launching a candle collection. Although I suspect they're going to start selling wax, wicks and bottles of scent, and then you'll have to put the candles together yourself. Scientists at Massachusetts General Hospital have used adult skin cells to grow a beating human heart, meaning there might still be hope for George Soros to finally get one. If you want to boost your performance on the putting green, listen to jazz while you're putting. While any kind of music does improve performance compared to listening to no music at all, jazz is the most effective musical genre for improving putting, according to researchers. And animated Disney movie soundtracks are good for murder sprees. A recent study finds that attending live concerts reduces the concert goers' level of stress. For those of you who attend a lot of live concerts, I said a recent study finds that attending live concerts reduces concert goers' levels of stress. A geographer has determined that Center, North Dakota is the geographic center of North America. Apparently, the people of Center, North Dakota already knew that they named themselves Center. UPS is raising its delivery rates during the holiday season, and you're going to have to pay nearly double if you want your package on your porch rather than in the bushes. In Summerfield, Florida, 18-year-old Shelby Condor was arrested after allegedly downing five beers in the beer aisle of a Walmart store and then groping a paramedic who was trying to help her. The teenager reportedly told the Walmart manager that she was drunk and needed to ride home. She's also accused of kicking an officer in the leg as she was put in handcuffs. Wait, where did this take place again? Oh, Walmart! Okay, yeah, that explains it. Finnish researchers say that eating eggs actually boosts your brain function. So bring on the Cadburys! Three-time Oscar winner Daniel Day-Lewis is retiring from acting. Again. Well, that's what he says. Personally, I think he's just doing research for his next role, learning how to portray unemployed actor Brendan Fraser. A Starbucks customer in Chicago stabbed another over an argument about a wrong order. One of the best reasons I've heard yet to switch to decaf. TVs are quickly becoming viewers' second screen. That was proven recently when the TV networks aired their season finales. Live ratings for shows across all networks were down 30-40% from just one year ago as viewers more and more turned to their mobile devices for entertainment. Remember when we couldn't wait for the day to have giant full-wall TV screens in our homes? Now we're watching 6-inch screens, and we think it's the best thing ever. Kim Kardashian says she has not spoken to Caitlyn Jenner in months. Not sure who's the bigger winner there. Second Lady of the U.S. Karen Pence has installed a beehive containing 20,000 bees in the vice presidential official residence. Do they allow beehives at the White House? Because Pence might have to move there in a few months the way things are going. President Trump is being investigated for obstruction of justice, which could wind up costing him the presidency. Which of course is horrible, absolutely devastating news to the cast of Saturday Night Live. A new poll released Tuesday by CBS News finds that just 36% of Americans support President Trump's performance so far. Trump's disapproval rating, meanwhile, has jumped to 57%. The remaining 7% of those polled still have not come to accept that Trump was elected president of the U.S. A new survey says that 24% of Americans don't have a single dollar set aside for emergencies. Oh yeah, sure, don't ask us 75% people if we're prepared. The city of Odessa, Texas has a new Trump in town. Ernesto Acosta legally had his name changed to Ernesto Trump. Yes, in honor of the president. He told reporters he has been contemplating the idea since Trump began running for office and that the process took over a year. The irony that he's Hispanic and a Trump supporter isn't lost on Ernesto and he's certain that he's the only local person who has changed their name to the president. The truth is a quick Google search couldn't find anyone else in the entire U.S. who has changed their name to Trump. In fact, people with the name Trump are looking for ways to get away from the surname just to make their lives easier. Seattle has voted for a 1.75 cents per ounce tax on sodas to help the poor. Okay, we already saw that giving a Pepsi to a police officer was a bad move. Now we're going to try it on the homeless. Shout out to Sinead Jameel and Martina Boyd in Dublin, Ireland. Love you, ladies. Boeing unveiled plans for a bigger aircraft. Now, each plane will be able to carry so many more angry disgruntled passengers. Rob Kardashian and Black China are back on again. And I have no idea who either of those people are. The extreme heat in Phoenix this week has forced American airlines to cancel dozens of flights over the past few days. Their jets can only operate safely up to 118 degrees. You're still welcome to fly United Airlines though because they're desperate for people willing to fly with them. A Colorado group wants to ban the sale of smartphones to kids under 13. Parents are against the ban though, as this means they would lose their primary source of smartphone tech support. Many of those outdoor work crews made up of prison inmates aren't as bad as you'd think. In Georgia, a correctional officer who had been supervising such a work crew suddenly passed out and lay unconscious on the ground. Six inmates quickly surrounded him, but rather than grab his gun, they grabbed his cell phone and called 911. Meanwhile, they removed the officer's bulletproof vest and performed CPR. One of the inmates said it wasn't about who's in jail and who wasn't. It was about a man going down and we had to help him. Polk County authorities say the officer told the inmates he wasn't feeling well and soon after collapsed. Polk County Sheriff Johnny Moats said my guys were thinking the worst on their way over there, but when they got there, all the inmates were with the officer, all were accounted for, they took care of him. The officer then received medical attention and he's now doing fine. To thank the inmates who really stepped up in a time of crisis, the Sheriff's Office provided them with a free pizza lunch. The officer's family provided dessert. Okay, I never thought I would say this, but three cheers for the inmates, huh? The Sherlock team are reuniting on a new version of the classic horror story Dracula. They'll begin work on a series of BBC specials based on the classic 1897 novel by Bram Stoker in which the bloodthirsty count moves from Transylvania to England. It'll come to TV in 2019. Come to think of it, Benedict Cumberbatch would be great for that too. In Costa Rica, the country's president went through an unusual situation while speaking to reporters. A wasp entered his mouth. President Luis Guillermo Salas stopped talking, swallowed it, and then announced, I ate it, I ate the wasp. Mental note here, do not declare war against Costa Rica. Its president is so tough he swallows live wasps. Michael Phelps is set to race a great white shark on the Discovery Channel. I can guarantee Michael will swim a lot faster if you put that shark in the same water as him. There's talk of Illinois becoming the first state ever to declare bankruptcy. Gee, it's such an honor to live here. Someone kicked in the door of a Florida man's apartment and took a salad from its refrigerator. Police have no clues. Forget catching this guy, I want to know where that salad was made. If it's so good, people are willing to break down doors just to steal the salad, you know that's got to be some good salad. A cafe in Melbourne, Australia has sparked outrage for selling teaspoons of Nutella for $5. The cafe, Spoonful of Sugar, launched their first pop-up store with sugar-loaded treats. The catch being these desserts come on teaspoons. So why is this sparking outrage? If people are stupid enough to pay five bucks for a teaspoon of Nutella, why should you care? In fact, wouldn't it behoove you to start up your own business and make money off of these morons yourself by selling teaspoons of peanut butter or cookie dough? You don't come to think of it, why am I not doing this? If you don't hear from me tomorrow, it's because I have quit this job to start up a teaspoon store. Join the Weird It Forward movement where Marlar House weirdos make a difference in the world a couple bucks at a time. No one can do everything but everyone can do something. Our latest Weird It Forward campaign is for Richard. He was unjustly imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit and was behind bars for 17 years. Kansas doesn't have a compensation plan for those unjustly imprisoned, so it's up to us to help this guy get his life back. Get the details by watching the video I made about it at WeirdItForward.com A human rights group wants Dennis Rodman tossed out of basketball's Hall of Fame. The victims of communism Memorial Foundation has filed a petition calling for Rodman's removal from the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame because of Rodman's defense of North Korean dictator and friend for life, Kim Jong-un. I wouldn't worry about that, Rodman. Kim's going to build you your very own private hoops Hall of Fame if that happens, and the only member will be you. While you and basketball great, Kim Jong-un, of course. Michael Vick's father has been charged, along with 11 other people, in a large-scale heroin distribution scheme. Michael Dwayne Bodie stands accused of dealing heroin and money laundering. Michael Vick will be raising bail money for his father by going back to dogfighting. George Clooney has sold the tequila company he owns with Cindy Crawford's husband and real estate developer Michael Meldman for $1 billion. Clooney said in a statement, If you asked us four years ago if we had a billion-dollar company, I don't think we would have said yes. But hey, I'm handsome George Clooney, so everything goes my way, so ha-ha, regular people. Not only is Big Brother watching you, he knows far more about you than you ever imagined. A recent report in The New York Times marveled over the sophistication of Google's and Facebook's ability to identify potential customers for advertisements and are now capable of targeting ads so narrow that they can pinpoint, say, Idaho residents in long-distance relationships who are contemplating buying a minivan. Facebook's ad manager said that such a description matches 3,100 people out of Idaho's $1.655 million. So that settles it. I am not moving to Idaho or buying a minivan. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie says he doesn't care about his record low approval ratings. Christie tells Politico, That fact, who cares? Poll numbers matter when you're running for something. When you're not running for something, they don't matter a bit and I don't care. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a tub of Ben and Jerry's with my name on it waiting for me in the kitchen. Little Baby's Ice Cream in Philadelphia is known for their oddly-flavored ice cream and rather bizarre ads, but they might have outdone themselves this year. They are now serving pizza-flavored ice cream, which many say tastes just like the real thing. So, what makes it so pizza-y? Well, tomato, basil, oregano, salt, and garlic. Still, for some, that's just not pizza-y enough, so they've taken it upon themselves to plop a scoop on top of a hot slice of actual pizza. See, I'm not seeing the mozzarella in that recipe, I call foul. Veteran Presidential Advisor and CNN contributor David Gergen feels that this week's win by Republican candidates in special congressional elections demonstrate that President Trump could actually win himself re-election in 2020. Be careful out there. Next few minutes says limousine liberals are liable to be driving those limos erratically while processing this little negative info I just dropped on them. One of the most popular beverages in America is becoming extinct. As Americans drink less soda, one bubbly beverage is falling much faster than the rest – diet soda. Since 2005, American consumption of diet soda has fallen by more than 27 percent, a loss of 834 million cases. In 15 years, the category went from accounting for nearly 30 percent of all carbonated beverages by volume sold in the U.S. to roughly 25 percent, according to beverage digest data. And the fall of diet isn't slowing down. Diet brands like Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi have accounted for 94 percent of all carbonated soft-drink declines since 2010. Well, yeah, you've been telling us the last few years, diet drinks not only make us fatter, but will kill us faster. So, of course, we're going to switch back to the good stuff. The South Carolina baseball fan tried a ballpark proposal at a Columbia Fireflies game last week. The entire stadium was able to look on as the event was displayed on the video board, but unfortunately, the woman turned the guy down, then grabbed her purse and left him at the game. And even stranger baseball story, a minor league baseball team in Florida handed out pregnancy tests during a game last Sunday. It was part of the Jacksonville Jumbo shrimps You Might Be a Father promotion in honor of Father's Day. In the DC Comics world, Wonder Woman is being joined by her long-lost twin brother. I'm guessing he doesn't wear the outfit quite as well as Diana, though. O.J. Simpson will go before the parole board for a hearing July 20th. If he's freed, he'll get back to searching for the real killers on every golf course in the country. Mattel has announced that 15 new versions of their Kendall are on the way, including a variety of skin tones, eye colors, and hairstyles. Man buns, polka-dotted teas, and hipster glasses are all part of the mix. Because it's not enough to allow girls to be girls, we need to make them pansies too. They're saying that Carrie Fisher's death should be a warning for those suffering with sleep apnea. Well, yeah, you probably should also shy away from combining cocaine with methadone, ecstasy, and heroin while you're at it. Jay-Z's new album, 444, may drop next week, but he's going to wait until fall before launching a tour to support it. You know, I say with a title like 444, you wait until April of 2044 to tour. I'd certainly appreciate it. Two Australian farmers have created a vodka made from carrots. In a related story, Bugs Bunny was recently picked up for DUI. South of Seattle, a woman pulled up to a jack-in-the-box and ordered food. First, she complained how long it took to get her drink. Then, she complained to find something in her drink, and then, when she realized she was one chicken nugget shy of a full order, she pulled a gun. Who orders nuggets and then counts them before driving away? That's somebody that's just looking for problems to complain about. That's the exact type of person who would bring a gun to a food fight. That lady certainly is one chicken nugget shy of a full order. They've been shooting the Han Solo Star Wars spin-off in London since February. With filming over halfway done, the two directors are being replaced. Just wasn't going the way the studio wanted. No word on who shot first. A burglar in Texas was arrested after getting drunk when he stopped to swig the homeowner's whiskey. Police found him sitting in a chair in the living room of the home. He had the happiest mugshot in the police department's history though. Tourists are being told not to take grief selfies in front of that burned-out apartment building in London where 79 people lost their lives. It's a tragedy, not a tourist attraction. And all as people said, amen. According to a survey of millennials, 51% say they've taken a bathroom mirror selfie, and 25% of responding millennials confess to taking a selfie while on the toilet. Man, who knew we would be longing for the days of ultra-conservative clothing like thongs and fishnet tops. Jaking too many selfies will not just make you look like a goofball or insensitive, it could also get you killed. In a study review published in the Journal of Travel Medicine, researchers noted multiple deaths and injuries from falls, animal attacks and road and pedestrian accidents. Many were suffered by people who were looking at themselves and not where they were going. Remember now people, Siri is not smart enough to politely say, I'm sorry Dave, but there is a 50-foot python behind you. If you like this video, please give it a thumbs up and be sure to subscribe if you want to see more. And click that little bell icon next to the subscribe button to be notified when I post new videos. And if you're already an official Weirdo, please share this video on your own social media. Find even more weird news that I didn't have time for on the Facebook page at Daily DoseOfWeirdNews.com. I'm Darren Marlar and I'll see you next time, Weirdos!