 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Jimmy Wallington. Owing to the illness of Mr. Dick Powell, the motion picture story Mrs. Mike will not be heard on Screen Directors Playhouse tonight as scheduled. However, we are proud to bring you two of Hollywood's most brilliant stars who were to have been heard November 30th. Screen Directors Playhouse, stars Dorothy McGuire, Charles Boyer, production Clooney Brown, director Ernst Lubitsch. This is the Screen Directors Playhouse, the Thursday night feature on NBC's five show festival of comedy, music, mystery and drama. Brought to you by RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television. The makers of Anison for fast relief from pain of headache, neuritis and neuralgia. And by your local Ford dealer, who is displaying the new 1951 Ford, the car that's built for the years ahead. Ladies and gentlemen, before we present Clooney Brown, here's a word from RCA Victor. For my money, the most amazing creatures on earth today are 10-year-olds with television sets at their command. Presumably, while lying in wait for their favorite desperadoes, they casually become authorities on what bills are now before Congress, who won the Nobel prizes, where the UN forces are today and precisely what the electron finds so attractive in the proton. All let's face it, the television child at 10 knows more about how the world wags than his father knew at 20. Seriously, it's mighty important to give your children the incomparable advantage of education by television, not just someday, but now. Naturally, you'll want the incomparable set, America's favorite, already proven in over a million homes, an RCA Victor. See your RCA Victor dealer tomorrow and choose from 18 beautiful new million-proof models, the RCA Victor masterpiece, which will be not only the greatest amusement center any man ever knew, but the greatest classroom any man's children ever attended. Now, for the first act of Clooney Brown, but may I add that at the end of the program, there will be an announcement of importance to Hollywood and to motion picture audiences everywhere. Here now is Clooney Brown, starring Charles Boyer in his original role and Dorothy McGuire as Clooney. Hello. Is this Mr. Porritt or the plumber? Oh, I beg your pardoners. Is Mr. Porritt there? Yes, I know it's Sunday. My dear young lady, it's Sunday for me too. I like to rest on Sundays. Everybody likes to rest on Sundays, but it's the sink. It won't drain, and I've got 30 people coming for cocktails. No, no, I don't plan to serve them in the sink, but I'd like to have a glass washed when the party is over. Look, I've tried every plumber in London. One of them promised to come right over. That was two hours ago. But look here, I can't call up 30 guests and tell them my sink stinks. I certainly can't. I certainly can't, and I don't have to. Run along, Miss. Have a nice punt on the Thames. The plumber's at the door now. Congratulations. So long. Come in. Come in. Never been so happy to see anyone in my whole life. Right this way. Oh, thank you. I hate to spoil your Sunday like this, but with me, well, it's sink or swim. Come along. Thank you. Well, there it is. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, it is. Interesting. Very interesting. It is. Could there be anything more fascinating than a sink out of order? I've never thought of it in quite that way. In ordinary? Every day, commonplace kitchen sink. And yet the height of human frustration. Look at it. Look at it without prejudice, my dear sir. You start the day with an infinite capacity for living. Then somewhere along the line, your social and personal plumbing goes wrong. And the best of you ends in the sink. The best of your youth, the best of your hopes, the best of your efforts, pure waste, an ocean of defeated humanity. Believe me, I know a lot about sinks. Well, I should hope so. And your guests are arriving in a minute? Right. Oh, and you want your sink fixed? Right. Well, then what you need is a plumber. Right. A what? Aren't you, I mean... Oh, no, I'm not now. No matter what you mean. No, I came here to see my old friend, Professor Lee. Professor Lee is in Scotland. I've sublet this apartment. Oh, what a mess. Well, I must say that's a mess for me, too. But what am I going to do? You're the most selfish man I've ever seen. What? Of course you are. Well, you don't even know me. And already you're not interested in me. Why don't you ask me why I want to see Professor Lee? Why don't you ask me about my landlady? Is she humane or does she want a rent? Do you know? Do you care? No. Have you even said a flick for my guests? My dear sir, is there something I can do for you? Is there? Oh, thank heaven I misjudged you. Do you know Professor Lee Ames? Not very well. Ah, magnificent fellow. He would have said, Is there anything wrong, Billinsky? And of course I would have said no. No, nothing. But he would not have believed me. He had the most charming way of forcing twenty pounds on one. Made you feel you were doing him a favor. Remarkable fellow. Obviously. Well, I'm not precisely in the habit of forcing things on people, but... Oh, my dear Ames, this is kind of you. Twenty will be quite enough. Not at all. You can stay for cocktails. Oh. Thank the Lord. I mean, thank the Lord if that isn't a guest. I'm sure that's the plumber. Excuse me. Hello. Hello. Well, shall we have a go at it? Are you sure you have the right apartment? Well, it's the right number. Your Mr. Ames, all right. I could smell you a mile off. You're the gentleman who phoned, all right? You, a plumber? Oh, no, sir. But I've been around pipes and sewers and faucets and things ever since I came to live with my uncle on. Mr. Porat, that is. You called him. And I talked to you? Yes, sir. But I've watched him work a lot, and he's a good plumber, too. But if you ask me, he's much too conservative. Conservative? Yes, although he votes labor. But when it comes to pipes, he takes the long road. He fiddles and fiddles, and it turns a knot, gets a drop here and a drip there when one good bang might turn the trick and a jiffy. Yes, and might smash the pipe to smithereens, too. Now, why don't you let me take a whack at it? Oh, no, you don't. No amateur is going to put my house underwater. Oh, my dear Ames. Where is the gypsy in you? Where is your sense of adventure? Are you the sort of man who puts on his pants before he answers the telephone? What if it does go wrong? What if the whole place gets flooded and there is no party? You save your liquor. Is that bad? But if this girl succeeds... Please do let me try. No, come on, Lene, it's in here. My! Isn't it a beauty? What a congestion. It is stuffed up, isn't it? I never thought it would be as good as this. Oh, I can't thank you enough, Mr. Ames. Don't mention it. Well, enough talk. Let's get to work. Good day, gentlemen. It's been a very pleasant chat. I'll see you when I come up. Here we go. Who's promising? Did you say tea at the rich? Yes, I have a system, you know. And all at once I said to myself, don't note me a stocking. Why don't you have tea at the rich? And so I did. Come over me. She sacks oranges. Tones up the system. Was it a good tea? What? I said, was it a good tea? Oh, it wasn't a tea. But to hear them say it this way, Miss. Please, Miss. Crumpets, Miss. You can hold in my chair for me. You never would have thought for a minute I was out of place. Miss... Clooney. Clooney, tell me. What made you think you were out of place at the rich? I didn't. It was Uncle Arn. He's always in forever telling me, Clooney Brown, you don't know your place. Clooney Brown, you ought to learn your place. And where does Uncle Arn think your place is? He didn't say. Because he doesn't know. Who can tell you where your place is? Where's my place? Where's anybody's place? I'll tell you where it is. Wherever you're happy, that's your place. And happiness is something that only you can identify. You're the sole judge. Now, look, Clooney. In Hyde Park, for instance, some people like to feed nuts to the squirrels. But if it makes you happy to feed squirrels to the nuts, who am I to say nuts to the squirrels? You might have said that all over again. I say in Hyde... Look, you two, I don't like to intrude, but do you realize what time it is? You see, my dear Ames, faith moves mountains and sinks. Wonderful. But I think a toast is in order, Mr. Ames. A toast to the new master plumber. And he as good as new sink. Perfect. We'll test the drinks for the guests. Come on, Miss Brown. Today this has been for me. My first sink and my first cocktail. A martini cocktail with an olive. Have some more. Should she? Definitely. Oh, yes. Thank you. I feel absolutely lovely. I can't quite describe it. I feel, uh, chirripy. Chirripy? I don't recall ever feeling chirripy. I'm afraid you never will, Mr. Ames. I'm sure there isn't a chirrap in you. No, isn't that funny? Now I feel entirely different. I know what it is. It's coming over me. That Persian cat feeling. I, I, I'm sorry. I, I, I don't mean to be inhospitable, but it's getting late. It's never too late for a cat. You know what, Bill? To be a cat? I can tell you. Your lies stretched out in bed, reading the wonderful travel log and the daily mail. And wanting to go places and wondering if you ever will. And all of a sudden, you're a cat. And you stretch and you arch your back and you yawn and stroke your silky fur and purr. Wow. It is so wonderful to be a cat and to read the daily mail. I knew it. I knew it. There they are. Would you mind, Miss Brown? Yes, what is it? Clooney Brown. What are you doing here? Uncle on. What does this mean? What are you doing here on that couch? I've been plumbing, Uncle on. There's something happening here I ought to know about. Well, I don't think so. Lucky I found this address written down or I might never have looked you in the face again. And I assure you, Uncle on... Name's Porritt. Mr. Porritt. Including you got liquor on your breath. Strong liquor. You don't know your place. You never will know your place. That's your thing. But Uncle on, what is my place? What's anybody's place? If you want to feed nuts to the squirrels, whom are I to say, do you? That settles it. You're going to service. And right now. Come along. I don't like to bring it up, Mr. Porritt, but I haven't paid your niece. You can't buy me off with a filthy pound note. Keep it. Come on now, Clooney Brown. Goodbye, gentlemen. I've had a very pleasant stock. And thank you for everything. Meow. Today, many thousands of people are thankful to their physicians or dentists for first having introduced them to that remarkable preparation called anison, which brings such incredibly fast and effective relief from the pains of headaches, neuritis, and neuralgia. Anison is like a doctor's prescription. That is, anison contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients in easy-to-take tablet form. Thus, in using anison, you are following sound principles. So ask for anison at your drug counter next time you suffer pains from headaches, neuritis, or neuralgia. Try these tablets on this guarantee. If you don't feel anison gives you all the relief you want, as fast as you want it, your money will be refunded. Easy-to-take anison tablets are available everywhere in handy boxes of 12 and 30 and economical family size bottles of 50 and 100. I'll repeat the name for you. Anison. A-N-A-C-I-N. Now back to the second act of the Screen Director's Playhouse production of Clooney Brown, starring Dorothy McGuire and Charles Boyer. I stayed for Mr. Aime's cocktail party, at least part of it, but when the noise rose to a tumult and the smoke began to form in clouds, I slipped quietly into a back bedroom, down on the bed and dosed on it. I don't know how long I'd been sleeping when I heard Kosh's voices whispering. I thought I heard my name. I tell you, it's Balinsky. Not Adam Balinsky. Yes, Adam Balinsky, the Czech. Oh, he's a great man. He's famous. Of course he is. He's a writer, Professor of Prague. That's why the Nazis are after him. He's probably just a jump ahead of them right now. Wonder how he got to London. The underground, no doubt. Oh, hello. Hello. We know who you are. You can trust us. I'm Andrew Carmel. I'm John Fruin. Oh, how do you do? We don't mean to pry, but you are in trouble, aren't you? Well, yes. As a matter of fact, unless a miracle happens, I'm a man without a home. Oh, that beast. That terrible beast of a Hitler. Well, I wonder if I've made myself clear. Oh, perfectly. But the time for talk is past. We must do something. I'm afraid you are a little confused. We know how busy you must be. But believe me, we wouldn't interfere. We would just provide you with a safe place to work. Out at Fryer's Carmel. With my mother and father. Sir Henry and Lady Carmel. Oh, well, don't you think you should know a little more about me? You are very kind, but I think you are being too impulsive. These are impulsive days, Professor. Someday the world will thank us for it. When I hope so, Andrew, I shall be happy to come with you. With my deepest gratitude. After all, as you say, my safe day is most important to me, too. When Lauren told me I was going into domestic service, he wasn't fooling. He found me a job at once. And before I knew what I was doing, I found myself getting instructed on how to be a parlor maid at the home of Lord and Lady Carmel. On my first night, I was sent into the dining room, where I have mutton. Professor, it's a pleasure to have you here. Oh, how very hospitable you are. But I don't feel I should accept before you know more about me. But Andrew has told us all about you. I'm glad you're, son Andrew. Oh, yes, yes, I'm rather fond of him myself. Sits his horse well. Then there is only one thing I can say. This land of such dear souls. This dear, dear land. This blessed plot. This hearth. This realm. This England. Well, a toast to Shakespeare. Oh, how charming are you, Professor. And how well you speak English. Rolled right out of him. Oh, you're a fascinated Henry, Professor. Come now, take some of the roast, dear. Brown. Brown, the roast. Oh, oh, yes. Hmm? Well, this is a likely cut. What? Don't take that piece, sir. This one on the right is much better. What? Well, it hasn't so much fat. And it's browner and bigger. You won't regret it, sir. Oh, really? All right, all right. Thank you, sir. The roast, sir. Why? Thank you. Oh, no. Not you. Not you. Nuts to the squirrels. Go to the kitchen, Brown. At once. I am very sorry, my lady. Oh, gracious. It's preposterous. But it strikes me absolutely speechless. A maid choosing my mutton for me. She will be dismissed immediately, sir. No, no, no. One moment, sir, Henry. You took the piece, she suggested. May I ask why? Why? Because the other piece had a blob of fat on it. And this one is browner, leaner, and bigger. And you liked it better. Look, hang it all. It just isn't done. What a pity. It should have been done long ago. Does it occur to you that for generations, the lords of Carmel have probably eaten the wrong piece of mutton? That's a very interesting way of looking at it. Well, she needed to drop the platter and insulted my guest. What did she say to you? I remember very well, sir. It was if I may take the liberty of repeating it, nuts to the squirrels. Doesn't make sense. No, it doesn't. It should have been squirrels to the nuts. But I have an open mind. And if someone says to me, nuts to the squirrels, I accept it. You may be inclined to say it to me yourself someday when you know me better. And I'm not so sure you'll include the squirrels. Oh, that's too deep for me, Balinsky. If I may say so, your ladyship, the sooner the young woman is dismissed, the better. Please, please, Monsieur Syrette. I know that in the policies of the kitchen, the balance of power rests with you. I also know that as a guardian of English customs and traditions, these young women has offended your sensibilities. But permit me to quote someone to whom everything English was all so dear. The quality of mercy is not strained. It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven. Well, another toast to Shakespeare. You've made a charming evening for us, Professor. I've never seen my husband more stimulated. Well, he is a very stimulating man himself. Yes, yes, he is. I hope you'll be comfortable. Syrette will valid you. Oh, I'm sorry, but dear Lady Carmel, I have so little to offer a valid. Oh, well, would you mind letting Syrette do it anyway so as not to hurt his feelings? Oh, oh, very well. I have this suit and Andrew's dinner jacket which you have offered to lend me. They are both at Syrette's disposal. Oh, thank you. I hope you sleep well, Professor. Oh, by the way, there's a nightingale under your window. Oh, you shouldn't have gone so much trouble. Good night, Professor. Good night, Lady Carmel. It's me, Clooney. Let me in. Oh, Clooney. Oh, I'm so sorry I upset you. Well, how do you do, Mr. Belensky? Oh, you shouldn't be here. But for heaven's sake, how did you get here? You friars carmel of all places. Tell me, what happened? Well, it's all Uncle Art. Oh, Mr. Belensky. Oh, no, no, Clooney. Look at me. I'm here too. And I haven't even gotten, Uncle. And after all, you're at least a maid. I'm only a guest. I don't want to be a maid. I'll go on and on, dropping platters, putting hot water bottles in the cold beds, and having Wednesday afternoon off in a village where the cinema opens only at night. So what about me, Clooney? I'm a city man. I like crowds and traffic and lights, smoke in my lungs. What have I got? A big mouth nightingale right under my window. Oh, it's so good to talk to someone who's out of place too. Yes, yes, Clooney. Talk to me at any time. Open your heart to me. Ditto. Oh, Mr. Belensky. No, no, Clooney. Come into my arms. Oh, Mr. Belensky. Oh, I didn't mean... Oh, please forgive me, Mr. Belensky. I don't know what came over me. It isn't as if you were my type. Believe me, you aren't. Oh, I'm sure I'm not. I understand perfectly. You were just happy to find a friend here. And so am I. We must go on being friends. And as we are not our types, that should be easy. You know, we're just like two people on a desert island waiting for a ship to rescue us. That's right, Clooney. That's right. But you know how it is on a desert island? You wait and wait, then you don't wait anymore. Clooney Brown? Let's admit it. We're in danger. Today, we are not our types. But, you know, as time passes, we might not look so bad to each other. If we are in Fryer's carmel long enough, who knows? You might even find me possible. And I might find you the most beautiful creature in the whole county. It's not much of a county, but that's all we have. Mr. Belensky, this must never happen. You must never become a victim of my circumstances. And if you should ever seem romantic to me, don't hesitate. Just kick me. Yes, that's it. Let's kick it shorter. It's a pact. Oh, I feel so safe. Good. Well, now I'd better go. Yes, it would be terrible if they heard us. Who? Well, anybody, but especially Mr. Serretten, Mrs. Miley. Thank you for everything. Oh, I feel so good. So do I. I wish I were back in that apartment where we were. Oh, I wish I could roll up my sleeves and roll down my stockings and unloosen the joint. Bang, bang, bang. I know how you feel. Well, I'll go to my room now and let the nightingale bang me to sleep. Good night, Mrs. Miley. Good night. Well, Mrs. Miley. I agree with you, Mr. Serretten. What can one expect? A maid with no references and a foreigner who isn't even in the diplomatic service. Good night, Mr. Serretten. Good night, Mrs. Miley. Tony Brown. Oh, hello, Mr. Balanski. Well, look at you. Violets on your shoulder, roses in your cheeks and a garter on your head. What's the occasion? Oh, don't you know? It's your birthday. It's my day off from three to seven. Oh, of course. Perfect. Perfect. No wonder I've always loved Wednesday. From three to seven. Four hours. All to ourselves. Two hundred and forty minutes. And if you think of it in seconds, I'll cancel all my engagements. In fact, I'd ignore them. Cluny, the village is ours. Mr. Balanski, it's awfully sweet of you, but I think I should tell you, something has happened. What? Well, you know Mrs. Miley suffers from rheumatism. You haven't caught it, have you? Oh, no. But you see, if Mrs. Miley hadn't sent me to the chemist shop for Petrie's liniment, I might never have met Mr. Wilson, the chemist. Oh, well, that's the way things happen. Think of it, Mrs. Miley's swollen knee might change my whole life. Is it that bad, Cluny? Well, I don't know. But what would you think of a gentleman in vited utility and a meter's mother, too? I wouldn't go. I've already accepted. And I'm certain I did the right thing. I'm sure you did. You know, Mr. Wilson's the only chemist round here for miles and miles. Oh, it's so exciting to meet a man who's surrounded by hundreds of bottles. And every one of them life and death. Mr. Wilson hinted that when we get better acquainted, he'd let me watch and make up a prescription. But this is confidential. Your secret would be buried with me. Well, Cluny, it looks as if your shave has come in. The bottle of beer I was going to offer you seems awfully flat beside all those bottles filled with magic. Well, I hope the magic would make you happy, Cluny. Very happy. Ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow morning, your Ford dealer will display the finest Ford ever produced. It's the new 1951 Ford that's built for the years ahead. Your Ford dealer wants you to see this great new car. When you do, you'll find that it offers 43 new look-ahead features. Now, we call them look-ahead features because, like the car itself, their advantage is designed to give you long-lasting satisfaction. Among them, you'll discover the new automatic ride control that automatically adjusts the ride to the road to give you a level ride, an easy ride. You'll find the automatic mileage maker that saves gas by squeezing the last mile out of every drop. You'll see new luxury lounge interiors with a wide choice of rich Ford craft upholstery fabrics in harmonizing colors. Visit your Ford dealer tomorrow and check all 43 look-ahead features. And you'll agree that you can pay more, but you can't buy better than the 51 Ford. You are listening to the Screen Directors Playhouse, one of five great radio shows that are brought to you by RCA Victor, where a leader in radio, first in recorded music, first in television, the Whitehall Pharmacal Company makers of Anison, Collinus, Bicidal, and other fine drug products, and by your local Ford dealer, who is displaying the new 1951 Ford, the car that's built for the years ahead. The Screen Directors Playhouse presentation of Clooney Brown, starring Charles Boyer and Dorothy McGuire, will continue after a short pause for station identification. Stay tuned to your local station on NBC. Now for the third act of the Screen Directors Playhouse production in Brown, starring Charles Boyer and Dorothy McGuire. I stood on the village square looking after Clooney. Her step was light, her very feet were singing a song as she disappeared of the little door of Mr. Wilson's chemist shop. And now, let's repeat it again, Mrs. Watkins. A tilt Master Richard's head back and squeeze one drop of the astringent into each nostril a three times a day. Will his nose stop running, Mrs. Watkins? It may interest you to know that after the use of one bottle of my nasal bath, the Marquis of Rockamere, a distinguished speaker, was for the first time clearly understood when he addressed the House of Lords last week. The charge will be two shillings. Good day. Good afternoon, Miss Brown. Good afternoon, Mr. Wilson. Well, Miss Brown, I could relish a crumpet or two. And you? Did oh. Then shall we step into the parlour? Oh, Mr. Wilson, didn't you notice anything? Notice what? Oh, the way I look. Well, I remarked about it the last time I saw you. I said you looked intelligent. Oh, no, that's not what I mean. I mean here, the garden on my head. Oh, well, I don't object to it myself, Miss Brown, but my mother might think it a little frivolous. Oh, well, then I had better take it off. Thank you. I hope you understand. Oh, I do. I should have been satisfied to look intelligent. Shall we go? It's right through this door. Oh, what an elegant room. Oh, well, it's not backing in palace, but it's Wilson's little castle. You might enjoy looking at this picture, Miss Brown. It's painted by hand. Poor little sheep. It hasn't much future, has it? Just mutton. And where would England be without it? Now, if I were a sheep, I'd be proud to serve the empire. And now, Miss Brown, would you like to know where we are? Oh, yes, I would. Well, then let's have a little glance at the map of our valley. Well, just look at that. Are those battle flags? Not exactly, Miss Brown, but a victory, nevertheless. This flag marks where I was born. Yes. And this flag here is where we are at this very moment. Oh. And this is where I intend to remain for the rest of my life. In this, a very house. Oh, you have it all so perfectly planned. But what if the house burns down? I have considered that too. It won't. I've taken heavy precaution. You may have noticed the lightning rod on the roof. That's Moulton's imperial pin point, the very best. And if I should ever be blessed with a little Wilson's, I should expect a Mrs. Wilson to keep matches away from them. That isn't asking too much now, is it? Oh, no. I think that's the least Mr. Wilson could expect from Mrs. Wilson. Yes. However, if in spite of all my provisions a slight blaze should occur, it may reassure you to know that I am chief of the Friars Carmel Volunteer Affire Department. Mr. Wilson, you aren't. I am. Oh, it would be almost worth a fire to see you in action. Thank you, Mrs. Brown. Now, I shall call my mother. Mother? Mother? Mother has been arresting. Yes, indeed. Well, mother, here is our guest. Mrs. Brown, my mother. How do you do, Mrs. Wilson? Well, I have tea already, mother. Will you pour for us? No, Mrs. Brown. If you have no objection, we'll play something on the harmonium. Me too. Is there anything you don't do, Mr. Wilson? Well, you have your choice. A sweet Alice Bend Boat or a flow gently, a sweet Afton. They're both so beautiful. I wish you would decide for me, Mr. Wilson. Well, shall we say a sweet Alice and perhaps a sweet Afton as an encore. Are you ready, Mrs. Brown? Oh, yes. And mother has taken a great liking to you. How do you know? She didn't say anything. That's the point. Mother doesn't waste words on flattery. If she speaks, it's to correct faults. Oh, well, I like your mother too. Once or twice, I thought she was going to smile at me. Clooney! Oh, it's Mr. Belensky. Hello, Mr. Belensky. This is Mr. Wilson, the chemist. How do you do? Mr. Belensky is staying at Fryer's Carmel. Oh, you're a friend or relative of Mrs. Miley or Mr. Syrit, I suppose, Mr. Belensky? Oh, no. He's a guest of Sir Henry and Lady Carmel. A guest? I understand, Mr. Wilson, surprise. A guest is not usually aware of the existence of a maid. That's what troubled you, Mr. Wilson, isn't it? Oh, exactly, sir. Well, you see, we at Fryer's Carmel don't regard Mrs. Brown merely as a maid. We are very proud of our Clooney and interested in her welfare. And above all, in her friends. Oh, naturally. I understand, sir. Well, it's seven o'clock, Mrs. Brown. Yes. Oh, how time flies. Yes, it does, but we must learn to fly with it. Oh, I know. I'll loop along now. Goodbye, Mr. Wilson. Goodbye, Mrs. Brown. Thanks for a wonderful afternoon. And for a sweet Alice Bend bolt. Oh, don't mention it. Yes, a very worthy young lady. Yes. I'd like a word with you, Mr. Wilson. I'm entirely at your disposal, sir. You are a chemist, I believe? Yes, sir. Certified? Oh, yes, sir. My diploma is at your disposal. I may have a look at it sometime. Thank you, sir. I was first in my class, if I may say so. How many were there in your class? Twenty-three, sir. A small class. Mr. Wilson, I presume that you have weighed your intentions toward Mrs. Brown as carefully as you weigh the contents of a pill. Oh, I assure you, sir, I am not the sort of man who would invite a young lady for tea merely to a while away in afternoon. I'm glad to hear it, Wilson. I have no use for a light-minded man. Nor, I, sir. May it be presumptuous to ask you to say a word in my behalf to Mrs. Maley? What? Have you intentions toward Mrs. Maley, too? Oh, heaven for fins! Well, I must admit I was worried about Clooney, but you have relieved my fears. Mr. Wilson, you could not have prescribed a better sedative than yourself. Oh, thank you, sir. Not at all. Good night, Mr. Wilson. Good night, sir. Oh, Mr. Wilson. Oh, yes? Yes, sir. You don't drink, do you? Oh, no, sir. Good. That we couldn't stand. It took me a big whisking and soda to get over Mr. Wilson. I sent a note to Clooney telling her to bring a hot water bottle or something to my room that I had to talk to her. I began composing my speech. This romance was fantastic. How could she stand the man? I started to speak to an empty chair. Now, sit down, Clooney. Now, look here. I know we have a pact. Now, let me tell you something about pacts. Pacts are made for two reasons. One, to be kept. Two, to be broken. Now, no, I don't say let's break our pact. But on the other hand, I'm not suggesting that we keep it. I came as soon as I could. Sit down, sit down, Clooney. How do you like, Mr. Wilson? Do you still think my ship has arrived? Now, look here, Clooney. Out there is an ocean. And on the ocean is a boat braving the storm and battling the billows. That's not Mr. Wilson. But in a quiet harbor, there is a freighter. Each engine is turned off. No smoke comes out of its funnel. Its anchor rests deep on the bottom. It's moored to the pier with a hundred ropes. Nothing could ever budge it. Neither wind nor wave. Well, that's Mr. Wilson. Oh, I'm so glad you liked it. You know, Mr. Belensky, when I sat in his parlor and everything cozy and peaceful, so homely, and Mr. Wilson playing the harmonium, I got all choked up. And then his mother started to snore. Oh, you're like that. Well, not just the snoring, but because she was his mother. You see, I'm an orphan, and I've never heard my mother snore. Well, you're happy now? That's all that matters. Mr. Belensky, it's so selfish of me to talk only about myself. But I'm sure your ship will come in someday, too. Don't worry about me, Gruny. If it doesn't come, I'm a good swimmer. Good night, Gruny. I worked very hard from then on. I didn't drop any trays, and I was most respectful to Mrs. Maley and every Wednesday Mr. Wilson would stop by just at the stoke of three. I hoped I was making a good impression on him, although sometimes I felt that I wasn't quite being myself. One Wednesday, Mr. Wilson told me he was giving his mother a birthday party at night, and he invited me. I didn't know how I was to get the evening off, so I went to Mr. Belensky for help. He didn't even ask any question. He just went to work. Well, the evening is yours, Gruny. You see, it's not only Mrs. Wilson's birthday, but, well, things have sort of been happening. Why, Gruny? Yes, they have. Mr. Wilson has spoken to his mother about me. I'm sure she approved of you. Well, anyhow, she didn't say no. Oh, that's very encouraging. And then Mr. Wilson asked his aunt and Mr. Latham, his solicitor, and everybody he possibly could ask. Did he ask you? Oh, no, that's just it. But he might tonight. Or he might not. That's the suspense. And so romantic, Gruny. Mr. Belensky, I... No, no, I can't tell you. Well, you're not keeping secrets from me, are you? Oh, it isn't a secret, but I shouldn't tell you anyway. But I'm going to. I had a dream last night, but you won't tell Mr. Wilson. Why, did he forbid you to dream? Well, how could he? Oh, no. But Mr. Wilson's so sensible, and I don't think he'd object to dreams as long as they were sensible, I dreamed about you. Gruny, you did? Hmm, you don't know how wonderful you look in affairs. And how you rode that black Arabian stand. Wee, you just burned up the sand, and you swooped me off the desert and set me right in front of you in the saddle. Why did we sit that horse well? Tell me, Gruny, tell me, did I take you to my tent? Well... You were taking me somewhere, but I remembered our pact just in time, and I kicked myself. Oh, and took the kick right out of the dream. Mr. Belensky, do you wish I had gone to your tent? Hmm? No, no, Gruny. You did the right thing. I have no tent. Not on the desert or anywhere. Better well along now, good luck. Same to you. And thanks for getting me off of the birthday party. Where is the Roman so aptly put it? A tempura, a mutanta. That is to say, a time's a change. 65 years ago, mother wasn't even here. And today, she's been here 65 years. Tempora certainly do, mutanta. Thank you. But before we examine those 65, a well-spent years. Let me thank you all who came here to celebrate this joyous occasion. You, Mr. Snapple. Mrs. Snapple. Mrs. Snapple. Master Snapple. Oh, Master Snapple is out of the room temporarily. Mr. Tappam. Mrs. Tappam and Latham Esquire. Perhaps you notice that I am guilty of an omission. But when you hear later what I have to say, or better, to announce, concerning a young lady not too far away, then I'm sure that you'll agree that sometimes an omission is an head mission. I have a... The plumbing! I just turned on the faucet. We'll be quiet. It's the plumbing, ma'am. Don't say that. But it was. It was. Well, sit down and be quiet. Let us go on, shall we? Well, that... Miss Miss Clooney. I'm here. As I was saying, a sixty-five years of faithful service to the community. All I did was turn the faucet and run. It's probably the joint. Sixty-five years of unblemished reputation. I beg your pardon. Some of you might not know it, but I'm a plumber's niece. Just give me a hammer and a wrench and I'll show you. I'll get it, Miss Clooney. Oh, please, Miss Clooney, I wish you wouldn't. There's nothing to it. It won't take more than five minutes. I'll interrupt your announcement. Well, I might not be the best cook in England. I'll try for an onion, but whoever gets me doesn't have to worry about it. Tools for me, Wilbur, while I roll up my sleeves and roll down my stockings. I wasn't dressed for plumbing tonight. There. There you are, Miss Clooney. If it's the joint, a couple of bangs might do it. If not, we'll try something else. Birthday gift to your mother, Mr. Wilson. Mrs. Wilson, I hope that... Well, where is she? Your mother asked to be excused. Oh, what's the matter? Is she ill? My Mr. Wilson, it is getting late. Yes, isn't it? We'd better be going. I hope it wasn't too much for your mother, my boy. I hope not. Good night, Mr. Wilson. It was a lovely party. Good night. Good night, Mr. Wilson. Good night. Good night, my boy. Thanks for a charming evening. Good night. Thanks for letting me watch, Clooney. Oh, you were a great help. Wilbur? All right, I'm coming. Well, good night, Mr. Wilson. Good night. I've never seen one so bold. Did I do something wrong? I wish I had never seen what I saw. But I only wanted to help. I would rather not discuss anything until you have made yourself presentable. Oh, I am sorry, Mr. Wilson. I'll roll down my sleeves. Good morning, Mrs. Milly. Good morning, Mr. Saret. I did not see Brown as I passed through the kitchen. Your tea, Mr. Saret. Oh, thank you. I'm afraid Brown is indisposed this morning, Mr. Saret. I should not have permitted her to have had last night off. It was entirely my fault, Mr. Saret. Not at all, Mrs. Milly. It was a direct request of Sir Henry through the intervention of his foreign guest. Good morning. Oh, good morning, sir. Sir, please, please don't get up. Go on with your breakfast. Sir Henry's at breakfast on the terrace, sir. Oh, I've had mine. I've been in the village doing some shopping. I must go back to London today, and I wanted to say goodbye to you both. Oh, that's very kind of you, sir. You know, I will miss you, sir, Saret. And so will my one suit. Oh, this is for you. Thank you, sir. Shall I, uh, peck your thing, sir? Oh, yes, that would be very kind. At once, sir. And this is for you, Mrs. Milly. Thank you. Thank you, sir. Where's Clooney? I'm afraid the birthday party was a bit too much for her. Oh, I see. Don't you think she's a fortunate girl, sir? It's not often a person in her place attracts a man like Mr. Wilson. Yes, indeed. A man like Mr. Wilson. Shall I call her? I'm sure it's all right. No, no, no, no. Please don't. It's better this way. Uh, will you be good enough to give her this for me? And should she ever feel unhappy, tell her just to close her eyes and say, squirrels to the nuts. You remember this, Mrs. Milly, won't you? Oh, very good, sir. Goodbye, Mrs. Milly. Goodbye, sir. I will be on the terrace with Sir Henry. Very good, sir. Good morning, will it scheme? Or I'll brighten early? Yes, and sadly, I found out that I must go back to London. Oh, well, okay, that's ridiculous. Now, you are the kindest people in the world. I can't tell you what it has meant to me to be here. Oh, what's the matter with you anyway? Good morning. Oh, good morning, Lydia Carmel. Oh, good morning, dear. What do you think of this fellow? He's leaving. Leaving? Oh, that makes me very sad, Mr. Belinsky. You're very sorry to see you go. So am I, believe me, Lydia Carmel. Oh, you're coming back, you know. Oh, I hope so. Oh, that's absurd. You've got to. Oh, no, Henry. We must leave that to the professor. Don't hang it off. I can only tell you both that you've made me very happy. I'm very grateful. Your bags, sir. Oh, thank you. And I have taken the liberty of ordering a car to take you into the village. It is at the door, sir. Thank you, Sirette. Did you come here? Let me say goodbye to you here. Goodbye, Mr. Belinsky. Oh, look here. We're going to write to each other, Adam. Oh, certainly. Oh, what's your address, Adam? Oh, just Belinsky, London. Oh, you might add general delivery. They know me there. Well, goodbye. Goodbye. Thank you. Good chat, there. A fine man. So appreciative of everything. Oh, how he loved that nightingale under his window. Hmm. Belinsky. London. General delivery. Where's Mr. Belinsky? He's just left, Cluny. Oh, I didn't have a chance to say good-bye to him. And look what he gave me. Block stock and silk stock. And Sofina silk, too. And so are the tops. Oh, Mr. Belinsky. Mr. Belinsky. Thank you. They're beautiful. Why didn't you say goodbye to me? You know, we might never see each other again. Yes, I know, Cluny. Oh, it's kind of awful to think of. Yes. Yes, awful, Cluny, but how is Mr. Wilson? Oh, he's better. Was he sick? No, he was upset about his mother. Mr. Belinsky, I disgraced myself last night. What did you do, Cluny? Well, you know what Plumman does to me. I just can't keep my hands off of it. And last night, I didn't either. Oh, I don't blame Mr. Wilson. He said, with his standing in this community, he can't afford to have a wife who's subject to impulses either to pipes or to himself. And that was when he banged on the table. He's going to ask his mother to give me another chance. That's very kind. Now, isn't it? I'm certainly going to watch myself. One can't be foolish and have a place in life. Can one? Come on, get in. Oh, where, Mr. Belinsky? The train. Get in. Get in? Oh, get in. All right. I have no tickets. That's all right. We can pay at the other end. I haven't any money. I have. Oh, where are we going, Mr. Belinsky? General delivery. Are you expecting a lever? Always. That's what's so wonderful about general delivery. Let us pour into it millions of them. Greetings from all over the world. Oh, I've passed it many times and I've never thought of that. You do make one see things. And among all those millions of letters, there might be one letter for us, Clooney. Might be very disappointing, but it might be good news. Might be from America. Mr. Belinsky, you sound as if you like me. Ah, Clooney. Clooney, if I were rich, I would build you the most beautiful mansion with the most exquisite and complicated plumbing. And right in the middle of the most elegant housewarming party, I would hand you a hammer and say, ladies and gentlemen, Madame Clooney Belinsky is about to put the pipes in their place. Madame Belinsky. Oh, that's as good as Mrs. Belinsky, isn't it? Take off that apron. All right. Now take off that slit cut. Here it is. Ah, watch, Clooney. Out the window with them, you see. That means just one thing. You will never again have to serve three meals a day. On the other hand, you might not have three meals a day. Sometimes maybe only one. And sometimes maybe only none. I don't care as long as we eat together, Mr. Belinsky. Ah, just for that, we're going to have three meals with hors d'oeuvres and champagne and snacks between. You know what you've done to me? I'm going to write a book. The Economic Causes of World War III. Well, with luck, I might have made just enough money for myself. But now, I'm going to write a bestseller. A murder mystery. A murder mystery? What's it going to be about? A murder. A man gets murdered. Who killed him? Who did it? For 365 pages, I won't do myself. When on page 366 it finally comes out, will I be surprised? And so will millions of others. Clooney, this book will make enough money for both of us. Oh, but Mr. Belinsky, what if there should be three of us? Then I'll write a sequel. But why lay me to ourselves? I'll write a serial. Oh, Mr. Belinsky. I don't think I'll have much time for plumbing. And so ends our screen director's playhouse presentation of Clooney Brown with two fine performances by Dorothy McGuire and Charles Boyer. Ladies and gentlemen, at the beginning of the program, we promised you an important announcement. It comes from the president of the Screen Director's Guild of America. And so it's my pleasure to introduce him to you now. The Academy Award-winning writer-director of the 20th Century Fox production, Letter to Three Wives and All About Eve, Mr. Joseph Mankewitz. Thank you very much. The talk about an announcement seems to indicate a secret. That's exactly what it is up to this moment. It concerns the winner of the Screen Director's Guild's second quarterly award for directorial achievement. That means the Hollywood film directors have scanned each other's work with a critical and appreciative eye. They have voted. And they have decided that the most brilliantly directed picture of the quarter is Sunset Boulevard. And that the quarterly award belongs to its director Billy Wildo. I take particular pleasure in presenting it to you, Billy, on this program because a director of Clooney Brown was a close friend to us both. We were both his protégés. The late and great Ernst Lubitsch. Here it is, Billy. The silver plaque of the Screen Director's Quarterly Award. Put it with that Academy Award you earned for the last weekend. Thank you, Joe, and all my fellow Guild members. I know all directors are so intent on their own pictures that while when they applaud the works of a colleague, it's the finest compliment a director can receive. Thank you so much. Good night. Next week, the Screen Director's Playhouse brings you one of Hollywood's most delightful couples. Our play, Mrs. Mike. Our stars, June Allison and Dick Powell, with Screen Director Lewis King. Clooney Brown was presented through the courtesy of 20th Century Fox, whose latest release is the Technicolor production, Halls of Montezuma. Charles Boyer may soon be seen in the 20th Century Fox production, The Secret Pen. Dorothy McGuire currently may be seen in the 20th Century Fox production, Mr. 880. Clooney Brown was adapted by Nat Wolfe. The Screen Director's Playhouse is produced by Howard Wiley, with direction by Bill Karn. Portions were transcribed. This is Jimmy Wallington speaking and inviting you to listen again next Thursday to Dick Powell and June Allison with Screen Director Lewis King. Archie invites you to visit Duffy's Tavern tomorrow night on NBC.