 It's International Women's Day, so I thought to myself, Adam, what better way to celebrate than to watch a sexy, sleek, action-packed film starring some femme fatales? Instead, I watched the 355. What separates the 355 from all the other action films out there lately? It's not the cringy action. It's not the terrible script. It's not the laughable dialogue. It's not the generic mediocre soundtrack. No, no, no, no. It does have all those, don't get me wrong. No, what really makes it stand out is it's strong female leads. And honestly, it's about time. That's right. I don't know if you are aware of this or not, but there's been a lack of strong female representation in movies lately, so whenever we do have it, we need to yell it to the rooftops. We need to make it known in every single piece of marketing that this is a movie where the ladies take charge. Girls get it done! And by get it done, I mean put in some really crappy performances in a movie that has no reason to exist. And I don't know who the target audience is. I assumed it was for sad, lonely men who take a look in the mirror in the morning and don't like the guy staring back. But then I realized that's me. I'm the audience, and I hated this. We have a very standard plot. There's a secret device that's capable of shutting down computer systems with the flip of a switch or whatever. It's a little plug and play device. You can throw into a laptop or a tablet, and boom, you're ready to go. It falls into the wrong hands. So it's up to some CIA agents, M6, international spies to come together off the grid and figure this shit out. Leading the charge is Jessica Chastain as Mace. I'm going to be going into some spoilers here from the first hour and a half. The movie's two hours long. I didn't finish it, I couldn't bring myself to. It's really bad. If you wanna see this film for your own without any spoilers, walk away because I'm going to be ruining things here because I honestly don't think there's anything to ruin. The movie's ruined by existing. We have great actresses in this film. I mentioned Jessica, we got Penelope Cruz, we got Lupita. There's a bunch of them. They have very specific skill sets. Lupita, for instance, is a computer genius. She's able to hack into pretty much any device when the plot needs her to. And oftentimes she can do it in a matter of seconds without any hesitation or pushback from the technology. She can access cameras on the fly and they'll show up on her tablet. She can shut off any phone in a one mile radius by simply going, hang on a second. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. There, we're good, we're good to go. And the software she uses is truly something special. The intricacies are almost too much to fathom. She'll bring up the software on her desktop and Mace will be over her shoulder saying, okay, I need you to bring up the information on this guy. Here's like a crumpled up piece of paper for you to use as a reference point. And then she'll be like, okay, hang on one second. Beep, beep, beep, beep. And then suddenly 45 windows start showing up. Beep, beep, beep, beep. This one's got a high school yearbook photo. We have his favorite foods over here. There's schematics of his home when he was like 32. It's insane. Nothing works like this in the real world. Nothing works like this in the pretend world. How is it knowing what to bring up? Is it just randomly shitting stuff out from Google in different areas? I don't know, I don't, I don't know. But the story's not really interested in the details. It just wants to get you from point D to point B without putting up a fuss. These ladies travel back and forth throughout the country and even the world. Like they're just hailing a cab. It takes them no more than a bus ride to get there and there's almost never a transition. They'll just be chatting it up in an American hotel and then the very next scene, they're running through a spice market in India. I don't know what a spice market is. Just kind of made that up. I don't think they're ever in India either. But whatever, you get my point. They travel all over. Who cares about the plot, Adam? We just wanna see hot women kick ass. Well, good luck. They barely kick ass and it doesn't look good. The saturation has been bumped up about 70% on this thing. They went reverse Zack Snyder. They went just Sweden Justice League on this thing. Everything is just exploding in your eyes. Director Simon Kinberg, who his last film credit was X-Men Dark Phoenix. He looks to have taken inspiration from the Born Identity series and Michael Bay films. Yet he doesn't have any of the skillset that's required to make these look good. So we get our standard camera flying around actors as they're talking, circling, but we don't have those beautiful pervy Michael Bay shots or the sweat beating off the actors' faces. There's also no intense music playing. It's just a really humdrum background score. Whenever there's an action scene, strap in. There's about 14 camera shots per punch and none of these hits have any impact. Come on. To say the action in this film is embarrassing would be generous. We're in the year 2022. The Peters character can bring up a tablet and do shit you've never seen before. Yet they still have to touch their earpiece to communicate with each other. There's multiple moments where Jessica Chastain's like, I'm coming, I'm here, I'm around the corner. They will just straight up murder people in broad daylight. At one point, they're at a market bazaar and they look up and they're like, psh, psh, psh, psh. Okay, no death in the movie is actually that cool, but my point is a guy will fall through like a fruit stand and there's people everywhere and no one reacts. These are super awesome spies. So they'll use their environment to their advantage. Like taking some coins out of a register and just tossing them onto the ground to distract a bad guy because kids will just swarm to it right away. The coins don't even hit the ground before like 15 little kids are like, ahhh! And they start clamoring for it. It's so bad. They're also highly skilled at pickpocketing. This should have been retitled The Pickpocketers. They do it all the time. For example, there's a sequence at a gala and there's a guy holding some papers they need to get their hands on. So one of the ladies accidentally spills a drink on him and she's like, oh, I'm sorry. And then slips the papers from his hand and gives them to someone else. Are you serious? I understand how you forget that you have a wallet. But something physical in your hand that you can feel get pulled away, like he doesn't remember he had the papers? I understand. He's got Jessica chestache in front of him. I still don't buy it. You take a peek, you take a gander, you take a glance. Hell, you have a full meal, but you don't forget that you're holding documents. No. There's so many bad scenes and I didn't even finish this film. There's more. There's more to be unearthed that I didn't get to. There's also a portion of action that takes place on a pier. There's three agents chasing after this dude and they're all just shooting at him in broad daylight. Again, people don't seem to notice. They're just like walking by. They have their dogs. No one's paying any mind. And they can't hit shit. They're like, stop. Pfft, pfft, pfft. Puts the clip in that had for some reason 35 rounds in it. Remember that fantastic intro in Casino Royale where they're doing the parkour all over that new construction site? I'm just wondering if you remembered that because it's really cool. This has really bad parkour. The three five fives version of that is the equivalent of you as a seven year old child trying to balance on a beam. And you're like, mom, mom, dad, look. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Except for in this case, the director gives a 17 different camera angles of super lame stuff happening. I forgot to mention the best part of this film, Sebastian Stan. He plays Mace's partner and he's killed. Except for he's obviously not. This is the dumbest plot point in the film. And so obvious. They show him die off camera as he's going down an alleyway and two sus individuals stop him and then we cut away. And the one time Nepita's character can't get a camera angle on her tablet is conveniently the time where we don't see him get murdered. It's so freaking obvious he's going to be the bad guy later in the movie. We get virtually no character development for most of these women. And the little bit that we do is of course the three minute romantic scene where they have a chemistry together. So you know that he's gonna betray her because if we've learned anything from modern movies it is that the greatest threat facing the earth today is the white man. Perhaps you despise your existence as well and also watch the 355 would love to hear from you in the comments below. Thanks for watching the video. Subscribe if you haven't. I post new movie content every single week. There's a notification bell somewhere up top to hit so they show up right in your feed. Please share this with your friends and family and share around social media. They'd love to hear. They'd love to hear about this channel. And hopefully I see you around. Oh my God, you're still here. Thank you. Thank you for sticking around. I just want to encourage you to maybe join me on Patreon at patreon.com slash adam does movies. 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