 Chapter 37 and 38 of Gretchen by Mary Jane Holmes This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Chapter 37 Under the Pines with Dick Like Tom and Annalisa, Jerry and Dick had run when they saw how fast the storm was coming, but it was of no use, for by the time they entered the park, the shortest route to the cottage, the rain came down in torrents and drenched them to the skin in a few moments. Jerry's hat was wrenched off as Annalisa's had been by the wind which tossed her long golden hair about her in a most fantastic fashion. But Dick put his hat upon her head and would have given her his coat had she allowed it. No, Dick, she said laughingly as she saw him about to divest himself of it. Keep your coat, I am wet enough without that. But what a storm and how dark it grows. We shall break our neck stumbling along at this rate. Just then a broad glare of lightning illuminated the darkness and showed Dick the four pines close at hand. He knew the place well, for with the Tracy children he had often played there when a boy, and knew that the thick boughs would afford them some protection from the storm. By Jove we are in luck, he said. Here's the pine room, as we used to call it when you played your merry Antoinette and had your head cut off. I can remember just how I felt when your white sun bonnet with Mrs. Crawford's false hair pinned in it dropped into the basket and how awful it seemed when you played dead so long that we almost thought you were and when you came to life, the way you imitated the cries of a French mob I would have sworn there were a hundred voices instead of one yelling down with the nobility. You were a wonderful actress, Jerry, and it is a marvel you have not gone upon the stage. While he talked he was groping for the bench under the pines where they sat down, Dick seating himself upon the parasol which Jerry had left there that morning after her interview with Tom. Hello, what's this? He said, drawing the parasol from under him. An umbrella as I live. What good fairy do you suppose left it here for us? Jerry could not tell him that she had left it there, and she said nothing, while he opened and held it so that every drop of rain which slipped from it fell upon her neck and trickled down her back. Great Caesar, that was a roarer! Dick said as the peel of thunder which had so frightened Analyza burst over their heads and echoing through the woods went bellowing off in the direction of the river. That's a stunner, but I rather like it and like being here too. I've wanted a chance to speak to you ever since. Well, ever since this morning when I saw you in that bewildering costume which showed your feet and your arms so, you know, and that thing of a bob in your head and the red stockings and... Here Dick became hopelessly confused and not knowing what to say next waited for Jerry to speak. But Jerry did not speak because of the sudden alarm which possessed her. She could not see Dick's face, but in his voice she had recognized a tone heard in Tom's that morning when she sat with him under the pines as she was sitting now with Dick and he had asked her to be his wife. Something told her that Dick was feeling for her hands which she resolutely put behind her out of his way and as he could not find them, he wound his arm around her and held her fast while he told her how much he loved her. I believe I have loved you," he said, ever since the day I first saw you at the inquest and you flew so like a little cat at Peterkin when he attacked Harold. I used to be awfully jealous of Hal for fear he would find in you more than a sister but that was before he and Maud got so thick together. I guess that's a sure thing, people say so, and it makes me bold to tell you what I have. Why are you so silent, Jerry? Don't you love me a little? That's all I ask at first for I know I can make you love me a great deal in time. I will be so kind and true to you, Jerry, and Father and Mother and Nina will be so glad. Speak to me, Jerry, and say you will try to love me if you do not now. As he talked he had drawn the girl closer to him where she sat rigid as a stone wholly unmindful of the little puddles of water and they were puddles now running down her back for Dick had tilted the parasol in such a manner that the little points rested upon the nape of her neck. But she did not know it or think of anything except the pain she must inflict upon the young man wooing her so differently from what Tom Tracy had done. No hint had Dick given of the honour he was conferring upon her or of his own and his family's superiority to herself. All the honour and favour to be conferred were on her side, all the love and humility on his, and for one brief moment the wild wish flashed upon her. Oh, if I could love him as a wife ought, I might be so happy, for he is all that is noble and good and true. But this was while she was smarting under the few words he had said of Harold and Maud. He too believed it a settled thing between the two, everybody believed it, and why should she waste her love upon one who did not care for her as she did for him? Why not encourage a love for Dick who stood next in her heart to Harold? Thus she questioned herself until she remembered Harold's voice as it had spoken to her that morning and the look in his eyes when they rested upon her as he said good-bye, lingering a moment as if loathed to leave her and then Dick's chance, if he had ever had one, was gone. Turning to him she said, Oh, Dick, I am so sorry you have said this to me. Sorry that you love me in that way, for I can't, I can't. I do love you as a friend, a brother, next to Harold, but I cannot be your wife. I cannot. For a moment there was perfect silence in the darkness and then a lurid flame of lightning showed the two faces, that of the man pale as ashes with a look of bitter pain upon it and that of the woman whiter than the man's and bathed in tears which fell almost as fast as the raindrops were falling upon the pines. Then Dick spoke again, but his voice sounded strange and unnatural in a great ways off. If I wait a long, long time, say a year or two or three, do you think you could learn to love me just a little? I will not ask for much. Only Jerry, I do hunger so for you that without you life would be a blank. No, Dick, not if you waited twenty years. I must still answer no. I cannot love you as your wife should love you and as some sweet girl will one day love you when you have forgotten me. This was what Jerry said to him with much more until he knew she was in earnest and felt as if his heart were breaking. I shall never forget you, Jerry, he said, or cease to hope that you will change your mind unless— and here he started so suddenly that the wet parasol, down which streams of water were still coursing their way to Jerry's back, dropped from his hand and rolled off upon the bed of pine needles at his feet just where it had been in the morning when Tom was there instead of himself, unless there is someone between us, some other man whom you love. I will not ask you the question, but I believe I could bear it better if I knew it was because your love was already given to another and not because of anything in me. For a moment Jerry was silent. Then suddenly facing Dick she laid her hand on his and said, I contrast you, I am sure of that, there is someone between us, someone whom I love. If I had never seen him and if I had known you just as I do I might not have answered as I have. I am very sorry. Dick did not ask who his rival was, nor did Harold come to his mind, so sure was he that an engagement existed between him and Maude. Probably it was someone whom she had met while away at school, he thought, and every nerve was quivering with pain and disappointment when at last as the rain began to cease he rose at Jerry's suggestion and offering her his arm walked silently and sadly with her to the door of the cottage. Here for a moment they stood side by side and hand in hand until Jerry said, Dick, your friendship has been very dear to me, I do not want to lose it. Nor shall you, he answered, and winding his arms around her he kissed her lip saying as he did so. That is the seal of our eternal friendship. The man you love would not grudge me that one kiss, but perhaps you'd better tell him. Goodbye and God bless you. When I see you again I shall try to be the same Dick you have always known. For a little while Jerry stood listening to the sound of his footsteps as he went splashing through the wet grass and puddles of water then kissing her hands to him she whispered, poor Dick, it would not be difficult to love you if I had never known Harold. Opening the door softly she found as she had expected that both her grandmother and Harold had retired and taking the lamp from the table where it had been left for her she stole quietly up to her room and crept shivering into bed more wretched than she had ever been before in her life. Harold got his own breakfast the next morning and was off for his work just as the sun looked into the windows of the room where Jerry lay in a deep slumber. She had been awake a long time the previous night thinking over the incidents of a day which had been the most eventful one of her life but had fallen asleep at last and dreamed that she had found the low room in V's badden with the picture of a young girl knitting in the sunshine and the stranger watching her from a distance. It was late when she awoke and Peterkin's clock was striking eight when she went down to the kitchen where she found Mrs. Crawford sewing and a most dainty breakfast waiting for her on a little round table near an open window shaded with the hop vines. There was a fresh egg for her with English buns and strawberries and cream and chocolate served in a pretty cup which she had never seen before while near her plate was lying a bunch of roses and on them a strip of paper on which Harold had written. The top of the morning to you, Jerry. I'd like to stay and see you but if I work very hard today I hope to finish the job on Monday and get my fifteen dollars. That's a pile of money to earn in three days, isn't it? I hope you enjoyed the garden party. If I had not been so awfully tired I should have gone for you. Grandma will tell you that I went to bed and to sleep before that shower came up so I knew nothing of it. I wonder how you got home but of course Dick came with you or Billy or possibly Tom. I hear you entertained all three of them at the wash tub. Pretty good for the first day home. Goodbye till tonight. I only live till then, as they say in novels. Harold. This note, every line of which was full of affection and thoughtfulness for her was worth more to Jerry than the chocolate or the bun or the pretty cup and saucer which Harold had bought for her the night before going to the village a mile out of his way on purpose to get them and surprise her. This Mrs. Crawford told her as she sat eating her breakfast which she had to force down because of the lump in her throat and the tears which came so fast as she listened. You see, Mrs. Crawford began. Mr. Allen paid Harold two or three dollars so he came home through the village and bought the eggs and the buns and the chocolate which he knew you liked and the cup and saucer at Grady's. He has had it on his mind a long time to get it for you but there were so many other things to pay for. Don't you think it is pretty? Yes, lovely. Jerry replied, taking up the delicate bit of china through which the light shone so clearly. It is very pretty but I wish he had not bought it for me and Jerry wiped the hot tears from both her eyes as Mrs. Crawford continued. Oh, he wanted to. He is never happier than when doing something which he thinks will please you or me. Harold is the most unselfish boy I ever knew and I never saw him give way or heard him complain that his lot was hard but once and that was this summer when he was building the room and had to dismiss the man because he had no money to pay him. That left it all for him to do and he was already so tired and overworked and then Tom Tracy was always making fun of the change and saying it made the cottage look like a pigsty and that you would think so too and if it were his he'd tear the old hut down and start anew. Peterkin too made remarks and wondered where Harold got the money and why he didn't do this and that but suppose he couldn't afford it adding that beggars couldn't be choosers. When Harold heard all that he was tired and nervous and discouraged and his hands were blistered and bruised. His head was aching and he just put it on that table before you are sitting and cried like a baby. When I tried to comfort him he said it isn't the hard work, grandmother. I don't mind that in the least. Neither do I care for what they say or should not if there was not some truth in it. Things are out of proportion and the new room makes the rest of the cottage look lower than ever and I'd like so much to have everything right for Jerry who would not shame the Queen's palace. I wish for her sake that I had money and could make her home what it ought to be. I do not want her to feel homesick or long for something better when she comes back to us. Jerry was crying out right now but Mrs. Crawford who was a little deaf and did not hear her went on. If you were a hundred times his sister he could not love you more than he does or wish to make you happier. He would have gone for you last night only he was so tired and I persuaded him to go to bed. I knew somebody would come home with you. Dick wasn't it? I thought I heard his voice. Yes it was Dick. Jerry answered very low returning again to her breakfast while her grandmother rambled on. Harold slept so soundly that he never heard the storm or knew there was one till this morning. Lucky you didn't start home until it was over. You'd have been wet to the skin. Jerry made no answer for she could not tell of that interview under the pines or that she had been wet to the skin even now from the effects of it. It seemed that Mrs. Crawford would never tire of talking of Harold for she continued. He was up this morning about daylight I do believe and had his own breakfast eaten and that table late for you when I came down. He wanted to see you before he went and know if you were pleased but I told him you were probably asleep as it was late when you came in and so he wrote something for you and went whistling off as merrily instead of on foot in his working dress. And he shall have his carriage too some day and a pair of the finest horses the country affords and you shall ride beside him in a satin gown and India shawl. You'll see, Jerry said impetuously as she rose from the table and began to clear away the dishes. This spell was upon her strongly now and as her grandmother talked the objects around her gradually faded away. The cottage, so out of proportion and so humble in all its surroundings was gone and in its place stood a house grand as Tracy Park and much like it and Harold was the master looking a very prince instead of the tired shabbily dressed man he was now. And I shall be there too Jerry whispered or rather nodded to herself I know I shall and I do not believe one word of the mod affair and never will until he tells me himself or she and then well then I will be glad for them until I come to be really glad myself She was moving rapidly around the kitchen for there was a great deal to be done these Saturday's work and all the clothes to be ironed and then she meant to get up some little surprise for Harold to show him that she appreciated his thoughtfulness for her. About half past ten a servant from Labetteau brought her a note from Analyza who wrote as follows Dear Jerry, have pity on a poor cripple and come as soon as you can and see me I sprained my ankle last night in that awful storm and Tom had to bring me home in his arms think of it and what my feelings must have been I am hardly over it yet the queer feelings I mean for of course my ankle is dreadful and so swollen and pains me so that I cannot step but must stay in my room all day so come as soon as possible you have never seen the inside of our house or my rooms come to lunch please we will have it up here goodbye from your loving friend Analyza P.S. I wonder if Tom will call to inquire for me tell her I will be there by lunchtime Jerry said to the man while to her grandmother she continued the baking and cleaning are all done and I can finish the ironing when I get back it will be cooler then and I do want to see the inside of that show house which Harold says cost a hundred thousand dollars pity somebody besides the Peterkins did not live there and so about twelve o'clock Jerry walked up to the grand house of Grey Stone which with its turrets and towers and immense arch over the carriage drive in front of a side door looked like some old feudal castle and flaunted upon its walls the money it had cost even the loud bell which echoed through the hall like a town clock told the wealth and show as did the colored man who answered the summons and bowing low to Jerry held out a silver tray for her card nonsense Leo Jerry said laughingly for she had known the Negro all her life and played with him too at times when they both went to the district school I have no card with me Miss Annalisa has invited me to lunch and I have come tell her I am here with another profound bow Leo waved Jerry into the reception room and then started to deliver her message seated upon one of the carved chairs Jerry looked about her curiously on behalf had not been told her everything was so much more gorgeous and magnificent than she had supposed but what impressed and at the same time oppressed her most was the height of the walls from the richly inlaid floor to the gaily decorated ceiling overhead it made her neck ache staring up fourteen feet and a half to the cost they sent her ornament from which the heavy chandelier depended all the rooms of the old house had been low and when Peterkin built the new one he made ample amends I mean to lick the crowd and a man was sent to Collingwood and Grassy Spring and Briar Hill and lastly to Tracy Park to take the height of the lower rooms those at Tracy Park were found to be the highest and measured just twelve feet so Peterkin's orders were to run them up run them up fourteen feet for I swan I'll get ahead of them so they were run up fourteen feet and by some mistake half a foot higher looking when finished so cold and cheerless and bare that the ambitious man ransacked New York and Boston and even sent to London for adornments for his walls books were bought by the square yard pictures by the wholesale mirrors by the dozen with bronzes and brackets and sconces and tapestry and banners and screens and clocks and cabinets and statuary together with the costliest rugs and carpets and the most exquisite inlaid tables to be found in Florence or Venice for Peterkin sent there for them by a gentleman to whom he said get the best there is if it costs a fortune I'm bound to lick the crowd this was his favorite expression and when his house was done and he stood his broad white shirt front studded with diamonds and his coat thrown back to show them surveying his possessions he felt that he had licked the crowd Jerry felt so too as she followed the elegant Leo up the stairs and through the upper hall handsomer if possible than the lower one to the pretty room where Anne Eliza lay or rather reclined with her lame foot on a cushion and her well one in case in a white embroidered silk stocking in blue satin slipper she was dressed in a delicate blue satin wrapper trimmed with swans down and there were diamonds in her ears and on the little white hands which she stretched toward Jerry as she came in oh Jerry she said I am so glad to see you for it is awfully lonesome here and if one can be homesick at home I am I miss the girls and the lessons and the rules at Vassar much as I hated them when I was there and just before you came in I wanted to cry I guess my rooms are too big and have too much in them anyway I have the feeling all the time that I am visiting and everything is strange and new I do believe I like the old room better with its matting on the floor and the little mirror with the peacock feathers ornamenting the top and that painted plastered image of Samuel on the mantle it is very ungrateful in me I know when father has done it mostly to please me do you believe he has hunted me up and made just for myself Doris is her name and what I am ever to do with her or she with me I'm sure I don't know do you? Jerry did not know either and she suggested that she might read to her while she was confined to her room yes she might perhaps do that if she can read and Eliza said she certainly has pretension enough about her to have written several treatises on scientific subjects she was a year with Lady Augusta Hardy in Ireland don't you remember the grand wedding father and mother attended in Allington two or three years ago when Augusta Brown was married to an Irish Lord with her money for of course he did not care much for her well Doris went out with her as maid and acts as if she too had married a peer she came last night and Mama and I are already as afraid of her as we can be she is so fine and airy she insisted upon dressing me this morning and I felt all the while as if she were thinking how red and ugly my hair is or counting the freckles on my face and contrasting me with my Lady Augusta as she calls her I wonder if she ever saw my lady's mother Mrs. Rossiter Brown who told me once that I had a very petty figure but she presumed it would envelop as I grew older but then people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and Annalisa colored a little as she made this reference to her own father and mother whose language was not much more correct than Mrs. Rossiter Brown's for one brought up as she had been Annalisa was a rather sensible girl she attached a great deal of importance to money she knew it was not everything and that with her father's millions there was still a wide difference between him and the men to whose society he aspired and knew too that although Jerry had not a penny in the world she was greatly her superior and so considered by the world at large she was very fond of Jerry who had often helped her with her lessons and stood between her and the ridicule of her companions and was never happier than when in her society she made her bring an ottoman close beside her and held her hand while she narrated in detail the events of the previous night dwelling at length upon the fact that Tom had carried her in his arms and wondering if he would call to inquire after her Jerry thought he would and as if in answer to the thought Doris almost immediately appeared with his card she was very fine and very smart and Jerry herself felt awed by her dignity and manner as she delivered her message the gentleman sends his compliments and would like to know how you are this morning oh Jerry it's Tom he has come Annalisa said with joy in her voice surely I can receive him here for this is my parlor Jerry thought she might but the toss of the fine maid's head showed that she thought differently as she left the room with her mistress's message thunder, ration, I didn't want to see her it's enough to have to call was Tom's mental comment as he followed Doris to her mistress's room what Jerry you here he exclaimed his face clearing and the whole aspect of matters changing at once as she arose to meet him with Jerry there the place seemed different and he did not feel as if he were lowering himself as he sat down and joined in the dainty lunch which was brought up and served from Dresden China and cut glass and was as delicate and deity in its way as anything he had ever found at the Brunswick or Delmonicoes Mrs. Peterkin prided herself upon her cuisine which she super intended herself and as Peterkin was something of an epicure and gourmet the table was always supplied with every possible delicacy Tom enjoyed it all and praised the chocolate and the broiled chicken and the jellies and thought Anna and Eliza not so very bad looking in her blue satin wrapper with the swans down trimmings and made himself generally agreeable Maude was better he said and he asked Jerry to go home with him and see her but Jerry declined I have a great deal of work to do yet she said I must finish ironing those clothes you saw upon the line yesterday and so I must be going Tom frowned at the mention of the clothes which Jerry had washed while Anna Eliza insisted that she should stay until the dog cart which had been sent to the station for Billy came back when Lewis would take her home as it was too warm to walk Jerry did not mind the heat or the walk but she felt morally sure that Tom meant to accompany her and greatly preferred the dog cart and Lewis to another tate-a-tate with him for he did not act at all like a discarded lover but rather as one who still hoped he had a chance so she signified her intention to wait for the dog cart which soon came with Billy in it anxious when he heard of his sister's accident delighted when he found Jerry there and persistent in saying that he and not Lewis would take her home well if you will you will she said laughingly and bidding Anna Eliza goodbye and telling Tom to give her love to Maude she did not believe she should be at the park that day she had so much to do she was soon in the dog cart with Billy whose face was radiant as he gathered up the reins and started down the turnpike driving at what Jerry thought a very slow pace as she was anxious to get home something of Billy's thoughts must have communicated itself to Jerry for she became nervous and ill at ease and talked rapidly of things in which she had not the slightest interest what of the lawsuit she asked are you likely to settle it no Billy answered hurriedly it will have to come into court in a few days and I'm awful sorry I wanted father to pay what they demanded but he won't Hal is subpoenaed on the other side as he was in our office and is supposed to know something about it but I had hoped he won't damage as much as father would never forgive him if he went against us but he must tell the truth no matter who is damaged Jerry said yes Billy replied of course he must but he needn't volunteer information Jerry began to think that Billy had insisted upon coming with her for the sake of persuading her to caution Harold against saying too much when he was called to testify in the great lawsuit between Peterkin and company manufacturers in Shannondale and Wilson and Company manufacturers in Truesdale and adjoining town but she was undeceived when her companion turned suddenly off upon the river road which would take them at least two miles out of their way why are you coming here Jerry said in real distress it is ever so much farther and I must get home I have piles of work to do calm found the work Billy replied very energetically for him and erading his source up under a wide spreading butternut tree which grew upon the river bank he sprang out and pretended to be busy with some part of the harness while he astonished Jerry by bursting out without the least stammer he was so earnest and so excited I have something to say to you Jerry and I may as well say it now as any time and know the worst or the best I can't bear the suspense any longer and I got out of the cart so as to stand where I could look you square in the face while I say it and he was looking her square in the face while she grew hot and cold and experienced a sensation quite different from what she had when Tom and Dick made love to her she had felt no fear of them but she was afraid of this little man who stood up so resolutely with his tongue loosened and asked her to be his wife making his wishes known in a very few words and then waiting for her answer with his eyes fixed upon her face and a firm set look about his mouth which puzzled and troubled her and made her uncertain as to how she was to deal with this third aspirant for her hand within 24 hours Billy had long had it in his mind that Jerry Crawford was the only girl in the world for him but he might not have spoken quite so soon had it not been for a conversation held with his father the previous night when they were alone in a private room at the Hotel Shannondale waiting for the train which Billy was to take and which was half an hour late Peterkin had exhausted himself in oaths and epithets with regard to the lawsuit and those who had brought it against him and was regaling himself with a cigar and a glass of brandy and water while Billy sat by the window watching for the train and wishing himself at grassy spring with Jerry Peterkin seldom drank to excess but on this occasion he had taken a little too much when under the influence of stimulants he was either aggressive and quarrelsome or jacuzzi and talkative the latter mood was on him now and as he drank his brandy and water he held forth upon the subject of matrimony wondering why his son did not marry and saying it was quite time that he did so he settled down you can have the south wing he said and if the rooms ain't up to snuff now why I'll make him so the fact is Bill I've got enough money, three millions and better but somehow it doesn't seem to do the thing it doesn't fetch us to the quality and make us fast cut we need better blood than the Peterkins or the Maltchers need booston and you must get a wife to make us have you ever thought on it Billy never had thought of it in that light he said although he had thought of marrying provided the girl would have him have you? a girl would be a fool who wouldn't marry three millions with Lubber too thrown in who is she Peterkin asked after a little hesitancy Billy replied Jerry Crawford Jerry Crawford I'll be dumbed Jerry Crawford and Peterkin's big feet came down from the back of the chair on which they were resting upsetting the chair and his brandy at the same time Jerry Crawford I swore a girl without a cent or name either though I used to have a sneak and notion that I knew who she was but I guess I didn't would have come out a four now what under heavens put her into your noodle she can't boost and then she's head and shoulders taller than you be you would look trotting beside her Jerry Crawford while I swan and Peterkin laughed until his big stomach shook like a bowl of jelly Billy was angry and replied that he did not know what height had to do with it or name either and as for boosting he wouldn't marry a king's daughter if he did not love her and for that matter Jerry could boost for she stood quite as high in town as any young lady both Nina St. Clair and Ma Tracy worshipped her while Mrs. Atherton paid her a great deal of attention and so did the Mungers and Crosby's enough sight more than they did to Analyza with all her money money isn't everything Billy stammered and Jerry would make a very different place of the battle maybe she would maybe she would have never thought of her for you Peterkin said I'd picked out some big bug who perhaps wouldn't wipe her shoes on you Jerry is handsome as blazes and no mistake with a kinder up and coming way about her which takes with folks yes it keeps growing on me and I presume Arthur Tracy would give her away which would be a feather in your cap but lord you'll have to get a pair of the highest heels you ever seen to come within ten foot on her she's only two inches taller than I am Billy said and his father continued well if your heart said on her go it and quick too I'm going to have a smasher of a party in the fall and Jerry'll be just the one to draw I can see her now stand in there with the diamonds will give her sparkling on her neck and she looking like a queen and the cynicure of all eyes but for thunder's sake don't marry the old woman and all leave her to Harold the sneak I never did like him and I'll be mad enough to kill him if he goes again me in the suit and I believe he will at this point Peterkin wandered off to the suit entirely and forgot Jerry who was to boost the house of Peterkin and make it a-scut but not so Billy and all the way from Shannon Dale to Springfield he was thinking of Jerry and wondering if it were possible that she could ever look upon him with favor a man dick he could scarcely remember the time when he did not think Jerry the loveliest girl in the world and ever since he had grown to manhood he had meditated making her his wife but had feared what his father might say as he knew how much importance he attached to money now however his father signified his assent and resolving to lose no time Billy on his return next day to the battle seized the opportunity to take Jerry home as the occasion for declaring his love which he did in a manly straightforward manner never hinting at any advantage it would be to her to be the wife of a millionaire or offering any inducement in any way except to say that he loved her and would devote his life to making her happy Tom Tracy Jerry had scorned Dick Sinclair she had pitied but this little man she felt like ridiculing after her first emotion of fear had left her oh Billy she said laughing merrily you can't be an earnest why I'm head and shoulders taller than you are do you believe I could pick you up and throw you into the river only think how we should look together people would think you my little boy and that I should not like no I can never be your wife nothing cuts a man like ridicule and sensitive as he was with regard to his size Billy felt it to his heart's core and as he stood nervously playing with the reins and looking at Jerry sitting there so tall and erect in all the brightness of her wonderful beauty it flashed upon him how impossible it was that glorious creature ever to be his wife and what a fool he had made of himself for give me Jerry he said his chin beginning to quiver and the great tears rolling down his face I know you can't and I oughtn't have asked it but I did love you so much that I forgot how impossible it was for one like you to love one like me I am so small and insignificant and significant insignificant and stuttered so I wish I was dead and laying his head upon the horse's neck he sobbed aloud in an instant Jerry was out of the dog cart and at his side talking to and trying to soothe him as she would a child oh Billy Billy she said I am so sorry for you and sorry I said those cruel words about your size it was only in fun your size has nothing to do with my refusal I know you have a big kind heart and next to Harold and Dick and Mr. Arthur I like you better than any man I ever knew but I can't be your wife don't cry Billy it hurts me so to see you and know that I have done it please stop and take me home as quick as possible with a great gulp and a long sigh like a grieved child Billy dried his tears of which he was much ashamed and helping Jerry into the cart to the door of the cottage I should not like Tom nor Dick nor Harold to know this he said to her as he stood a moment with her at the gate Billy she exclaimed do you know me so little as to think I would tell them or anybody I have more honour than that and she gave him her hand which he held tightly as he looked into the sweet young face which could never be his every muscle of his own quivering and telling of the pain he was enduring goodbye I shall be more like a man unless a baby when I see you again and springing into his cart he drove rapidly away Jerry found her grandmother seated at a table and trying to iron Grandma she said this is too bad I did not mean to stay so long put down that flat iron this minute I am coming there as soon as I lay off my hat running up the stairs to her room Jerry put away her hat and then throwing herself upon the bed cried for a moment as hard as she could cry the look on Billy's face haunted her and she pitted him now more than she had pitted Dick Sinclair Dick will get over it and marry somebody else but Billy never she said then rising up she bathed her eyes and pushed back her tangled hair stood for a moment before the mirror contemplating the reflection of herself in it Jerry Crawford she said you must be a mean heartless good-for-nothing girl for it certainly is not your Dutch face nor yellow hair nor great staring eyes which make men think that you will marry them so it must be your flirting coquettish manners I hate a flirt I hate you Jerry Crawford once when a little girl Jerry had said to Harold why do all the boys want to kiss me so much and now she might have asked why do these same boys wish to marry me it was a curious fact that she should have had three offers within 24 hours and she didn't like it and her face wore a troubled look all that hot afternoon as she stood at the ironing table perspiring at every pour and occasionally smiling to herself as she thought grassy spring the bateau Tracy Park I might take my choice if I would but I prefer the cottage and then at the thought of Tracy Park her thoughts went off across the sea to Germany and the low room with the picture on the wall and her resolve to find it some day far in the future it may be but find it I will and find to who I am she said to herself little dreaming that the finding was close at hand and that she had that day lighted the train which was so soon to bear her on to the end End of Chapters 37 and 38 Chapters 39 and 40 of Gretchen by Mary Jane Holmes this LibriVox recording is in the public domain Chapter 39 Mod Harold did not finish his work at the Allen farmhouse until Tuesday so it was not until Wednesday afternoon that he started to pay his promised visit to Mod Jerry had seen her twice and reported her as much better and able to be up although still very weak she is so anxious to see you don't you think you can go this afternoon she said to Harold in the morning as she helped him weed the garden and picked the strawberries for dinner yes I guess I can if you'll go with me he said he was so loath to be away from Jerry when it was not absolutely necessary that even a call upon Mod without her did not seem very tempting but Jerry could not go for Nina and Mary and Raymond were coming to spend the afternoon and Harold went alone to the park house where he found Mod in the room she called her studio trying to finish a little watercolor which she had sketched of the cottage as it was before the roof was raised I mean it for Jerry she had said to Harold who stood by her when she sketched it and I am going to put her under the tree with her sun bonnet hanging down her back as she used to wear it when she was a little girl and you are to be over there by the fence looking at me coming up the lane it was the best thing Mod had ever done for the likeness to Jerry and to herself was perfect while the cottage garden trees and flowers made it a most attractive picture Harold had praised it a great deal and told her that it would make her famous but when the carpenter work came on Mod put it aside until now when she brought it out again and was just beginning to retouch it in places as Harold was announced she was looking very tired and it seemed to Harold that she had lost pounds of flesh since he saw her last her face was pale and wan but it flushed brightly as he came in and it was hard to meet him Hallie, you naughty boy she began as she gave him her hand why didn't you come before you don't know how I have missed you you must not forget me now that Jerry is at home she led him to a seat and then herself sank into a large Gush and Dizzy chair against which she leaned her head wearily while she looked at him with eyes which ought to have told how much he was to her and so put him on his guard and saved the misunderstanding which followed no, Mod, I couldn't forget you he said and without really knowing that he was doing it he put his hand upon the little thin white one lying on the arm of the chair every nerve in Mod's body thrilled to the touch of Harold's hand upon which she involuntarily laid her other one one would have thought them lovers sitting there together but nothing could have been farther from Harold's mind he was thinking only of Jerry and his resolve to confide in Mod and get her opinion with regard to his chance now is as good a time as any he thought, wondering how he should begin and finding it harder than he had imagined it would be at last after a few common places Mod told him again that he must not neglect her now that Jerry was at home neglect you how can I do that he said when I look upon you as one of my best friends and in proof of it I'm going to tell you something or rather ask you something and I hope you will answer me truly better that I know the worst at first than learn it afterward Mod's face was scarred with a great and sudden joy and her eyes drooped beneath Harold's as he went on stammeringly for he began to feel the awkwardness of telling one girl that he loved another even though that other were her dearest friend I hardly know how to begin he said it is such a delicate matter and perhaps I'd better say nothing at all was he going to stop had he changed his mind would he not after all say the words she had so longed to hear Mod asked herself while he sat silent and unmoved his thoughts very far from her to whom he was so much poor Mod she was weak and sick and impulsive and mistaken in the nature of Harold's feelings for her so judge her not too harshly if she at last did what Arthur would have called throwing herself at his head I can guess what you mean I have long suspected that you cared for me and have wondered you did not tell me so but suppose that you refrained because I was rich and you were poor but what has that to do with those who love each other I am glad you have spoken and you have made me very happy even if we can never be more to each other than we are now because I am going to die oh, Mod, Mod you are mistaken I came from Harold like a cry of horror as he wrenched away his hand lying between hers what could she mean how had she understood him he asked himself while great drops of sweat gathered upon his forehead and in the palms of his hands as the past came back to him and he could see that what he had thought mere friendship for himself was a far different and deeper feeling while he unwittingly had fanned the flame and was now reaping the result what can I do unconsciously while from the chair in which Mod was leaning back so eerily came a voice like that of a child ring the bell and give me my handkerchief he was at her side in a moment bending over her and looking anxiously into the pallid face from which the bright color had faded leaving it gray and pinched and drawn had he killed her by blurting out so roughly that she was mistaken and thus filling her with mortification and shame no, that could not be when she brought her handkerchief she whispered to him I am not mistaken, Hallie I am going to die but you have made the last days of my life very, very happy she thought he was referring to herself and her situation when he told her she was mistaken and with a smothered groan he was starting for the camphor as she bade him do when the door opened and Mrs. Tracy herself appeared what is it she asked sharply then as she saw Mod's face it was and going to her said to Harold why did you allow her to talk and get excited what were you saying to her instantly Mod's eyes went up to Harold's with an appealing look as if asking him not to tell her mother then a precaution which was needless that he had no intention to tell Mrs. Tracy or anyone of the terrible blunder he had made and with a hope that the reality might dawn upon Mod he answered truthfully I was talking to her of Jerry I am so sorry if Mod heard she did not understand for drops of pinkish blood were oozing from her lips and she looked as if she were already dead as in obedience to Mrs. Tracy's command Harold took her in his arms and carried her to the couch near the open window where he laid her down as tenderly as if she were indeed his affianced wife thanks she sighed softly and her eyes looked up at him with an expression which half tempted him with the lips from which he was wiping the stain so carefully while Mrs. Tracy at the door gave orders to a servant you can go now she said returning to the couch and dismissing him with her usual hotel of manner while Mod put up her hand and whispered come soon and Jerry had Harold been convicted of theft or murder he could scarcely have felt worse than he did as he walked slowly through the park reviewing the situation and wondering what he ought to do it almost killed her when she thought I loved her it would surely kill her to know that I do not he thought I can not undeceive her now while she is so weak but when she is better enabled to bear it I will tell her the truth and if she dies came to him like the stab of a knife as he remembered how white she looked as he held her in his arms if she does he said no one shall ever know of the mistake she made in this I will be true to Mod even should the world believe I loved her and told her so but oh heaven spare me that and spare Mod's life for many years she is too young too sweet, too good to die this was Harold's prayer and that of many others during the week which followed when Mod's life hung on a thread and every bell at the parkhouse was muffled and the servant spoke only in whispers while Frank Tracy sat day and night in the room where his daughter lay perfectly quiet except as she sometimes put up her hand to stroke his white hair or wipe away the tears constantly rolling down his cheeks in Frank's heart there was a feeling worse than death itself for keen remorse and bitter regret were torturing his soul as he sat beside the wreck of all his hopes and felt that he had sinned for not he knew Mod would die and then what mattered to him if he had all the money of the rustiles at his command oh Gretchen you are avenged and Jerry too oh Jerry, he said one day unconsciously as he sat by his daughter who he thought was sleeping but at the mention of Jerry's name her eyes unclosed and fixed themselves upon her father with a look in which he read an earnest desire for something what is it, Pet? he asked do you want anything? they had made her understand that she must not speak for the slightest effort to do so always brought on a fit of coughing which threatened a hemorrhage but they had brought her a little slate on which she sometimes wrote her requests though that too was an effort pointing now to the slate she wrote while her father held it I want Jerry I thought so and you shall have her for just as long as she will stay Frank said and a servant was dispatched to the cottage with the message that Jerry must come at once and come prepared past the night if possible it had been very dreary for Maude during the time she had been shut up in her room to which no one was admitted except her father and mother, the doctor and the nurse many messages of inquiry and sympathy however had come to her from the cottage and Gracie Spring and Lebatot where Anne Eliza was still kept a prisoner with her sprained ankle and once Jerry had written a note full of love and solicitude and a desire to see her as a postscript she added Harold sends his love and hopes he will soon be better you don't know how anxious he is about you why I believe he has lost 10 pounds since your attack for which he seems to blame himself thinking he excited you too much by talking to you Frank read this to Maude who when he came to the postscript laughed aloud as a child laughs at the return of its mother for whom it has been hungry this was the first word she had had from Harold except that he had called to inquire for her and she had so longed for something which should assure her that he remembered her as she did him she had no distrust of him and would as soon have doubted that the son would rise again as to have doubted his sincerity but she wanted to hear again that he loved her and now she had heard it and folding her hands upon her breast she fell into the most refreshing sleep she had had since her illness could Maude have talked and seen people or if she had been less anxious to live she would probably have told Jerry and Nina and possibly and Eliza Peterkin of what had passed between herself and Harold but she had not seen them while life with Harold to love her looked so bright and sweet that if by keeping silent she could prolong it she would do so for some months if necessary to live for Harold was all she wished or thought about and often when they hoped she was sleeping she lay so still with her eyes closed and her hands folded upon her breast she was praying for life and length of days with strength to make Harold as happy as he ought to be and was thinking of and planning all she meant to do for him if she lived and they were married first to Europe where she would be so proud to show him the places she had seen and where Jerry would be with them for in all her plans Jerry had almost as prominent a place as herself I am nothing without Jerry she thought she keeps me up and Jerry will live with us and Mrs. Crawford but not here if we never get along with mother and Tom we will build a house together Hallie and I with Jerry to help and plan build one where the cottage stands or near it so Jerry can still see the old tramp house she is so fond of not a house like this with such big rooms but a pretty modern Queen Anne house with every room a corner room and a bay window in it and Harold will have an office in town and I shall drive down for him every afternoon and take him home to dinner such was the nature of Maud's thoughts as she lay day after day upon the couch too weak to do more than lift her hands or raise her head when the dreadful paroxysms of coughing seized her and wracked her fragile frame still she was very happy and the happiness showed itself upon her face where there rested a look of perfect content and peace which her father and mother had noticed and commented upon and which Jerry saw the moment she entered the room sitting down beside her she told her how lovely she looked in her pretty rose-colored wrapper and how sorry everyone was for her and that both she and Nina would have been there every day only they knew they could not see her then as Maud's eyes fixed themselves steadily upon her with a look of inquiry she set her teeth hard and began I don't think anyone has been more sorry than Harold why for the first few days after you were taken so ill he just walked the floor all the time he was in the house asked what ailed him he said I am thinking of Maud and I'm afraid my call upon her was the cause of the attack nnnnnn Maud began but checked herself in time and taking up her slate wrote tell him it was not his call I am glad he came all day and all night Jerry sat by her sometimes talking to her and answering the questions she wrote upon the slate but often her in perfect silence when Maud seemed to be asleep then Jerry's tears fell like rain the face upon the pillow looked so much like death and she kept repeating to herself the lines we thought her dying when she slept and sleeping when she died when the warm July morning looked in at the windows of the sick room bringing with it the perfume of hundreds of flowers blooming on the lawn and the scent of the hay cut the previous day it found Jerry still watching Maud her own face tired and pale with dark rings about her eyes which were heavy with tears and wakefulness she had not slept at all and her head was beginning to ache frightfully when the nurse came in and relieved her telling her breakfast was ready Maud was awake and wrote eagerly upon her slate you'll come back you'll stay all day you do me so much good and I am a great deal better for your being here Jerry hesitated a moment her head was aching so hard that she longed to get away but selfishness was not one of Jerry's faults and putting her own wishes aside she said yes, I will stay until afternoon and then I must go home I did not tell you that Harold was going away tonight did I? Maud shook her head and Jerry went on you know perhaps that some time ago a Mr. Wilson of Truesdale sued Peterkin for some infringement on a patent or something of that sort Maud nodded and Jerry continued the suit comes off tomorrow and Harold is subpoenaed as a witness as he was in Peterkin's office a while and knows something about the arrangement between them I am sorry he has got to swear against Peterkin it will make him so angry and he hates Harold now the suit is to be called in the morning and Judge St. Clair and Harold are going tonight on the five o'clock train and as he may be gone a day or two I must be home to see to packing his bag but I will stay with you just as long as I can she said nothing of her head which throbbed in a most peculiar way making her dizzy and half blind as she went down to breakfast which she took alone with Mrs. Tracy Frank had eaten his long before and was now pacing up and down the piazza with his head bent forward and his hands locked together behind him Tom seldom appeared until after ten and when Jerry went for a few moments into the grounds to see if the fresh air would do her good she found him seated in an armchair a grass-nut tree stretching himself and yawning as if he were just out of bed Jerry, you here did you stay all night if I'd known that I'd have made an effort to come down to breakfast though I think getting up in the morning is a bore why, what's the matter you look as if you were going to faint sit down here, he continued as he saw Jerry reel forward as if she were about to fall he put her into the chair and stood over her fanning her with his hat wondering what he should do while for a moment she lost consciousness of the things about her and her mind went floating off after the picture on the wall in Visbadan which was haunting her that morning when she came to herself Tom and Dick and Billy were all three hovering around and so close to her that without opening her eyes she could have told exactly where each one was standing Tom by the smell of tobacco with which his clothes were saturated rose with which he always perfumed his handkerchief and Dick because as she had once said to Nina when a child he was so clean and looked as if he had just been scrubbed the two young men had come to inquire for mod and had found Jerry half swooning under the tree with Tom fanning her frantically and acting like a wild man Jerry had seen Dick twice since her refusal of him and both times her manner exactly like what it had always been to him had put him at his knees so that a look around would never have dreamed of that episode under the pines when she nearly broke his heart Billy however was more conscious he had not seen Jerry since he took her home in his dog cart and his face was scarlet and his manner nervous and constrained as he stood before her longing and yet not daring to fan her with his hat just as Tom was doing of the three young men who had sought her hand Billy's wound was the deepest and Billy would remember it the longest for mingled with his defeat was a sense of mortification and hatred of his own personal appearance which he could not help thinking had influenced Jerry's decision and I don't blame her by Joe he said to himself a hundred times she could not marry a pygmy and I was a fool to hope it but I shall love her just the same as long as I live and if I can ever help her I will and when at last Jerry was better and assured him so with her own sweet graciousness of manner and put her hand on his shoulder to steady herself as she stood up he felt that paradise was opening to him again and that although he had lost Jerry as a wife he still had her as a friend which was more than he had dared to expect are you better now can you walk to the house Tom asked oh yes the giddiness is gone Jerry replied I don't know what ails me this morning never before could she remember having felt as she did now there are pain in her head that buzzing in her ears and more than all that peculiar state of mind which she called her spells and which seemed to hold her now body and soul even when she returned to Maud's room her thoughts were far away and everything which had ever come to her concerning her babyhood came to her again crowding upon her so fast that once it seemed to her that the top of her head was lifting and she put up her hand to hold it in its place and still she stayed on with Maud two or three times she arose to go but something kept her there chance if one chooses to call by that name the something which at times molds us to its will and influences our whole lives something kept her there until the morning was merged into noon and the noon into the middle of the afternoon and then she could stay no longer the hour had come when she must go for the other force which was to be the instrument in changing all her future was a stir and she must keep her unconscious appointment with it Chapter 40 Do you know what you have done? Judging from the result this question might far better have been put to rather than by Peterkin as he stood puffing and hot and indignant in the tramp house looking down upon Jerry who was sitting upon the wooden bench with her aching head resting upon a corner of the old table standing against the wall just where it stood that stormy night years ago when death claimed the woman beside her but left her unharmed after saying goodbye to Maud Jerry had walked very slowly through the park stopping more than once to rest upon the seat scattered here and there and wondering more and more at the feeling which oppressed her and the terrible pain in her head which grew constantly worse I'm afraid I'm going to be sick she said to herself I have never felt this way before and no wonder with all I have gone through the last few weeks getting ready for the commencement the coming home and all the excitement which followed with three men one after another offering themselves to me and the drenching that night in the rain and then watching by Maud without a wink of sleep it is enough to make a behemoth sick and I am so dizzy and hot she had reached the tramp house by this time and feeling that she could go no farther without resting she went in and seating herself upon the bench laid her aching head upon the table and again for a few moments that strange sensation as if the top of her head were rising up and up until she could not reach it with her hand for she tried and thought of Annalisa with her hair piled so high on her head the loss of an inch or two might improve me she said though I'd rather keep my scalp then she seemed to be drifting away into the realms of sleep and all around her was confusion and bewilderment the window across which the wood vine was growing changed places with the door the floor rose up and bowed to her while the room was full of faces beckoning to and smiling upon her faces like the one she knew so well the pale face in the chair faces like her own as she remembered it when a child faces like the dark woman dead so long ago and buried in the Tracy lot and faces like Arthur's as she had seen him often when he spoke so lovingly and called her little cherry then the scene changed and the old tramp house was full of wondrous music which came floating in at every crevice and through the open door and windows while she listened intently in her dreams as the grand chorus went on it was as if Arthur from the top of the highest peak beyond the rocky mountains and Gretchen from her lonely grave in far off Germany were calling to each other across two countenance their voices meeting and mingling together in the tramp house in a jubilistic strain now wild and weird like the cry of the dying woman looking out into the stormy night now soft and low as the lullaby of font mother sings to her sleeping child and now swelling louder and louder and higher and higher until the raptors rang with the joyous music and the whole world outside was filled with the song of gladness wake up Jerry wake from the dream of rapture to a reality far more rapturous for the time is at hand the hour has come heralded by the shadow which falls over the floor as Peterkin's burly figure crosses the threshold and enters the silent room after Peterkin's conversation with his son concerning his future wife Jerry had grown rapidly in the old man's favor it is true she had neither name nor money the latter of which was scarcely necessary in this case but he was not insensible to the fact that she possessed other qualities and advantages which would be a help to the house of Peterkin in its efforts to rise no girl in the neighborhood was more popular or more sought after than Jerry or more intimate with the big bugs as he styled the St. Clairs, Leatherton's and Tracy's Jerry would draw Jerry would boost and he found himself forming many plans for the young couple who were to occupy the south wing and in fancy he saw Arthur at Lebatot half the time at least while the rest of the time the carriages from grassy spring and Briar Hill and Tracy Park were standing under the stone arch how then was he disappointed and enraged too when told by Billy that Jerry had refused him Peterkin had been in Springfield nearly a week and after his return home had waited a little before broaching the subject to his son so that it was not until the morning before the day of the lawsuit that he learned the truth by closely questioning Billy who shielded and defended Jerry as far as possible not have you refused you love you don't care for money thunderation what does the girl mean is she crazy is she a fool is she in love with some other idiot I think so yes though it did not occur to me then Billy answered very meekly and if so she can't care for me any more than I can care for any other girl and you are a fool too was the affectionate rejoinder I'll be dumbed if you ain't a pair who is the lucky man not that dog Harold who is going to swear again us tomorrow if it is I believe I'll shoot him father Billy cried in alarm be quiet if I can stand it you can but Peterkin swore he wouldn't stand it he'd do something he didn't know what and all the morning he went about the house like a madman swearing at his wife because she wasn't up to snuff and couldn't hoe her own with the aristocrats swearing at Billy because he was a fool and so small that was no wonder a beanpole like Jerry wouldn't look at him and swearing at Annalisa because her hair was so red and because she had sprained her ankle for the sake of having Tom Tracy bring her home hoping he would keep calling to see her and thus give her a chance to rope him in which she never could as long as the world stood neither you nor Bill will ever marry with all your money unless you take up with a cobbler and he with a washwoman was his farewell remark as he finally left the house about three o'clock and started for the village where he had some of his own witnesses to see before taking the train for Springfield at five his wife had ventured to suggest that he go in the carriage as it was so warm but he had answered savagely go to thunder with your carriage and coat of arms what good have they ever done us only to make folks laugh at us for a pack of fools nothing under heaven gives us a hiss and I'm just going to quit the falder all and pat it on foot as I used to when I was captain of the Liza and dumb it and so with his bag in his hand he started rapidly down the road in the direction of Shannondale but the sun was hot and he was hot and his bag was heavy and cursing himself for a fool that he had not taken the carriage he finally struck into the park as a cooler if longer route to the station as he came near the tramp house which gave no sign of its sleeping occupant something impelled him to look in at the door and this he did with the thought of Jerry in his heart though with no suspicion that she was there and when he saw her he started suddenly and uttered an exclamation of surprise which roused her from her heavy slumber oh she exclaimed but whatever else she might have said was prevented by his outburst of fashion which began with the question do you know what you have done Jerry looked at him wonderingly but made no reply and he went on yes do you know what you have done you a poor unknown girl who but for the Tracy's would have gone to the poor house sure as guns were you order have gone yes you order you refuse my bill you had an ascent to your name and all for that sneak of a herald who will swear again me tomorrow I know he's at the root on it though Bill didn't say so and I hate him worse than Pizzen he who has been at the wheel in my shop he to be setting up for a gentleman and cutting out my bill who will be worth more than a million yes two millions probably and you have refused him do you hear me gal yes I hear you she said you are talking of Harold and saying things you shall not repeat in my presence hoity-toity miss what's to hinder me repeating in your presence that Harold Hastings is a sneak and a snob a hewer of wood a drawer of water and a Jerry had risen to her feet and stood up so tall and straight that it seemed to Peterkin to be heard even above himself while something in the flash of her blue eyes made him think of Arthur when he turned him from the house for accusing Harold of theft and also of the little child who had attacked him so fiercely on that wintry morning when the dead woman lay stretched upon the table at the park house with her dark face upturned to the ceiling above I shall hinder you she said her voice ringing clear and distinct and if you breathe another word against Harold I'll turn you from this room the tramp house is mine Mr. Arthur gave it to me and you cannot stay in it with me heavens and earth hear the girl one would suppose she was the queen of sheebie to hear her go on instead of a beggar whose father was the lord only knows who and whose mother was found in rags on this air table draught the dumb thing Peterkin roared bringing his fist down with such force upon the poor old rickety table that it fell to pieces under the blow and went crashing to the floor Jerry's face was a face to fear then and Peterkin was afraid and backed himself from the room with Jerry close to him never speaking a word but motioning him to the door through which he passed swiftly and picking up his bag walked rapidly away growling to himself there's the very old Harry in that girl's eye bill did well to get shit of her and yet if she'd married him how she would have rid over all their heads well to be sure what a dumb fool she is end of chapters 39 and 40 chapter 41 of Gretchen by Mary Jane Holmes this LibriVox recording is in the public domain chapter 41 what Jerry found under the floor meantime Jerry had gone back to the wreck to the table which she handled us carefully and reverently as if it had been her mother's coffin she was touching one of the legs had been broken before and she and Harold had fastened it on and turned it to the side of the house where it would be more out of the way of harm and it was this leg which had succumbed first to the force of Peterkin's fist and as the entire pressure of the table was brought to bear upon it and falling it had been precipitated through a hole in the baseboard which had been there as long as she could remember the place not so large at first growing larger each year as the decaying boards grumbled or were eaten away by rats Jerry called it a rat hole and had several times put a trap there to catch the marauders who sometimes scampered across her very feet so accustomed worthy to her presence but the rats would not go into the trap and then she pasted a newspaper over the hole but this had been torn and hung in shreds while the hole grew gradually larger taking up the top of the table Jerry dragged it to the center of the room and putting three of the legs upon it went to search for the fourth one end of which was just visible at the aperture in the wall as she stooped to take it out a bit of the decayed floor under her feet gave way making the opening so large that the table leg disappeared from view entirely then Jerry went down upon her knees and thrusting her hand under the floor felt for the missing leg striking against stones and bits of mortar and finally touching something from which she recoiled for an instant it was mold and slimy but she struck it again in her search this time more squarely and grasping it hard in her hand brought it out to the light while an undefinable thrill half of terror half of joy ran through her frame as she held it up and examined it carefully it was a small handbag of Russia leather covered with mold and stained with the damp of its long hiding place while a corner of it showed that the rats had tested its properties the smell had left it in quiet and there under the floor not two feet from where Jerry had often played it had lain ever since the wintry night years before when it had probably fallen from the table then the rats attracted by this novel appearance in their midst had investigated and dragged it so far from the opening that it could not be seen unless one went down upon the floor to look for it this was the conviction that flashed upon Jerry as she stood without the power at first to speak or move in her ears there was a roaring sound like the rushing of distant waters falling heavily while the objects in the room swam around her and she experienced again that ringing sensation as if the top of her head was leaving her she was so sure that here at last was a message from the dead that she had the mystery of her baby hood in her grasp and yet for two full minutes she hesitated and held back until at last the face which had haunted her so often seemed almost to touch her own with a caress which brought the hot tears to her eyes and the spell which had bound her hands and feet was broken the bag was clasped but not locked although there was a lock and Jerry thought involuntarily of the key found with the other articles on the dead woman's person to unclasp the bag required a little strength for the steel was covered with rust but it yielded at last to Jerry's strong fingers and the bag came open disclosing first some hard object carefully wrapped in a silk handkerchief which had been white in its day but now was yellow and soiled by time at this however Jerry scarcely looked for her eye had fallen upon a package of papers beneath it folded with care and securely tied with a bit of faded blue ribbon seating herself upon the bench where she had been sleeping when Peterkin's voice aroused her Jerry untied the package and then began to read first slowly as if weighing every word and sentence then faster and faster until at last it seemed that her eyes fairly leaped from page to page taking in the contents at a glance and comprehending everything when she had finished she sat for a moment rigid as a corpse and then with a loud glad cry which went floating out upon the summer air thank heaven I have found my mother she fell upon her face insensible to everything how long she lay thus she did not know but when she came back to consciousness the sunlight had changed its position in the room and she felt it was growing late starting up and wiping from her face a drop of blood which had oozed from a cut in her forehead caused by her striking it against some hard substance when she fell she looked about her for a moment in a bewildered kind of way not realizing at first what had happened and even when she remembered she was too much stunned and astonished to realize it all as she would afterward when she was calmer and could think more clearly taking up the papers one by one in the order in which she had found them she tied them again with the blue ribbon and put them into the bag there was something more she whispered trying to think what it was then as her eye fell upon the first package she had taken out and which was wrapped in a silk handkerchief she took it up and removing the covering started as suddenly as if a blow had been dealt her for there was a turtle shell box with its blue satin lining and its diamonds which seemed to her like so many sparks of fire flashing in her eyes and dazzling her with their brilliancy just such a box as this and just such diamonds as these Mrs. Frank Tracy had lost years ago and as Jerry held them in her hand and turned them to the light till they showed all the hues of the rainbow she experienced a feeling of terror as if she were a thief and had been convicted of theft then as she remembered what she had read she burst into a hysterical fit of laughing and crying together and whispered to herself I believe I am going mad like him after a time she arose and with the bag on her arm and the diamonds in her hand she started for home with only one thought in her mind I must tell Harold and ask him what to do she had forgotten that he was to leave that afternoon on the train except the one subject which affected her so strongly so that in one sense she might be said to be thinking of nothing when as she was walking with her head bent down she came suddenly face to face with Harold who with his satchel in his hand was starting for the train due now in a few minutes Jerry he exclaimed how late you are I waited until the last minute to say goodbye why, what ails you and where have you been he continued as she raised her head with a strange pallor of her face in the tramp house she answered in a voice which was not hers at all and made Harold look more curiously at her as he did so he saw peeping from a fold of the silk handkerchief the corner of the tortoise shell box which he remembered so well and the sight of which brought back all the shame and humiliation and pain of that morning when he had been suspected of taking it what is it what have you in your hand he asked his face so pale before turned scarlet and her eyes had in them a wild look which Harold construed into fear as without a word she laid the box in his hand and stood watching him as he opened it Harold's face was whiter than Jerry's had been and his voice trembled as he said in a whisper Mrs. Tracey's diamonds Mrs. Tracey's diamonds yes, Mrs. Tracey's diamonds Jerry replied with a marked emphasis on the Mrs. Tracey how came you by them Harold asked next shrinking a little from the glittering stones which seemed like fiery eyes confronting him I can't tell you now put them up quick don't let anyone see them someone is coming Jerry said hurriedly as her ear caught a sound in her eye an object which Harold neither saw nor heard as he mechanically put the box into his side pocket and then turned just as Tom Tracey came up on horseback hello Jerry hello Hal he cried dismounting quickly and throwing the bridal rain over his arm and so you are off to that suit he continued addressing himself to Harold by George I wish I were a witness I'd swear the old man's head off for I believe he is an old liar then turning to Jerry he continued are you better than you were this morning upon my word you look worse it's that infernal watching last night that hails you I told mother you ought not to have done it just then a whistle was heard in the distance the train was a true stale four miles away you will never catch it Tom said as Harold snatched up his bag and started to run here jump on to beaver and leave him at the station I can go there for him Harold knew it was impossible for him to make time against the train and accepting Tom's offer he vaulted into the saddle and galloped rapidly away teaching the station just in time to give his horse to the care of a boy and to leap upon the train as it was moving away meanwhile Tom walked on with Jerry to the cottage where he would have stopped if she had not said to him I would ask you to come in but my head is aching so badly that I must go straight to bed goodbye Tom and she offered him her hand a most unusual thing for her to do on an ordinary occasion like this what ailed her Tom wondered how kindly to him and looked at him so curiously was she sorry for her decision and did she wish to revoke it then by Job I'll give her a chance for every time I see her I find myself more and more in love Tom thought as he left her and started for the station after beaver whom he found hitched to a post and pying the ground impatiently Mrs. Crawford was in the garden when Jerry entered the house and thus there was no one to see her as she hurried upstairs with the leather bag away upon a shelf in her dressing room first however she took out two of the papers and read them again as if to make assurance doubly sure then she tried the little key to the lock which it fitted perfectly there is no mistake she whispered but I can't think about it now for this terrible pain in my head I must wait till Harold comes home he will tell me what to do and be so glad for me dear Harold his days of labour and grandmothers too those diamonds are a fortune in themselves and they are mine my own she said so oh mother I have found you at last but I can't make it real my head is so strange what if I should be crazy what if that dreadful taint should be in my blood or what if I should die just as I have found my mother oh heaven don't let me die don't let me lose my reason and I will try to do right only show me what right is she was praying now upon her knees with her throbbing head upon the side of the bed into which she finally crept with her clothes on even to her boots for Jerry was herself no longer the fever with which for days she had been threatened and which had been induced by overstudy at Vassar and the excitement which had followed her return home could be kept at bay no longer and when Mrs. Crawford who had seen her enter the house to see why she did not come down to tea she found her sleeping heavily with spots of crimson upon her cheeks while her hands which moved incessantly were burning with fever occasionally she moaned and talked of the tramp house and rats and Peterkin who had struck the blow and knocked something or somebody down Mrs. Crawford could not tell what unless it were Jerry herself on whose forehead there was a bunch the size now of a walnut Jerry Jerry Mrs. Crawford said in alarm she tried to remove the girl's clothes what is it Jerry what has happened who hurt you who struck the blow Peterkin was the faint response as for an instant Jerry opened her eyelids only to close them again and sink away into a heavier sleep or a stoop of action it seemed the latter and as Mrs. Crawford could not herself go for a physician and as no one came down the lane that evening she sat all night by Jerry's bed bathing the feverish hands and trying to lessen the lump on the forehead which in spite of all her efforts continued to swell until it seemed to hurt was as large as a hen's egg did Peterkin strike you and what for she kept asking but Jerry only moaned and muttered something she could not understand except once when she said distinctly yes Peterkin such a blow it was like a blacksmith's hammer and knocked the table to pieces I'm glad he did it Mrs. Crawford asked herself in vain what she meant and when at last the early summer morning broke she was almost as crazy as Jerry who was steadily growing worse and who was saying the strangest things about her risks and blows and Peterkin and Harold and Mr. Arthur whose name she always mentioned with a sob and stretching out of her hands as to some invisible presence help must be had and for two hours Mrs. Crawford was coming of someone until at last she saw Tom Tracy galloping up on beaver Tom Tom she screamed from the window don't get off but ride for your life and fetch the doctor quick Jerry is very sick has been crazy all night and has a bunch on her head as big as a bowl where she says Peterkin struck her Peterkin struck Jerry I'll kill him Tom said as he tore down the lane and the person who was soon found and at Jerry's side where Tom stood with him gazing off struck upon the fever-stricken girl who was tossing and talking all the time and whose bright eyes unclosed once and fixed themselves on him as he spoke her name and laid his hand on one of hers Oh Tom, Tom she said you told me you'd kill her will you kill her will you kill her and a wild hysterical laugh echoed through the room as she kept repeating the words will you kill her wish conveyed no meaning to Tom who had forgotten what he had said he would do if a claimant to Tracy Park should appear in the shape of a lady whatever Jerry took up she repeated rapidly until something else came into her mind and when Mrs. Crawford referring to the bunch on her head said to the physician Peterkin struck the blow she says she began at once like a parrot Peterkin struck the blow Peterkin struck the blow and her idea suggested itself and she began to ring changes on the sentence in the rat-hole in the tramp-house in the trap-house in the rat-hole talking so fast that sometimes it was impossible to follow her the blow on her head alone could not have produced this state of things it was rather over-excitement added to some great mental shock the nature of which he could not divine the doctor said to Tom who in his wrath at Peterkin was ready to flay him alive to rail the instant he entered town it was a puzzling case though not a dangerous one as yet the physician said Jerry's strong constitution could stand an attack much more severe than this one and prescribing perfect quiet with strict orders that she should see no more people than was necessary he left promising to return in the afternoon when he hoped to find her better Tom lingered a while after the doctor had left and showed himself so thoughtful and kind that Mrs. Crawford forgave him much which she had harbored against him for his treatment of Harold all night Tom's dreams had been haunted with Jerry's voice and Jerry's look as she gave him her hand and said goodbye Tom and he had ridden over early to see if the look and tone were still there and if they were and he had a chance he meant to renew his offer but words of love would have been sadly out of place to this restless feverish girl whose incoherent babblings puzzled and bewildered him in fact however was distinct in his mind Peterkin had struck her a terrible blow in the tramp-house of that he was sure though why he should have done so he could not guess and vowing vengeance upon the man he left the cottage at last and rode down to the tramp-house where he found the table in a state of ruin upon the floor three of the legs upon it and the other one nowhere to be seen he struck her with it and then threw it away I'll bet he said to himself as he hunted for the missing leg and it was some quarrel he picked with her about howl who was going to swear against him Jerry would never hear howl abused and I've no doubt she aggravated the wretch until he forgot himself and dealt her that blow I'll have him arrested for assault and battery as sure as I am born hurrying home he told the story to his mother who smiled incredulously and said she did not believe it bidding him to say nothing of it to Maude who was not as well as usual that day he told his father who started at once for the cottage where Mrs. Crawford refused to let him see Jerry saying that the doctor's orders were that she should be kept perfectly quiet and that she did seem a little better and more rational but as they stood talking together near the open door Jerry's voice was heard calling let Mr. Frank come up so Frank went up and notwithstanding all he had heard from Tom he was surprised that Jerry's flushed face and the unnatural expression of her eyes turned so eagerly toward him as he came in for a moment her mind was tolerably clear and she said to him abruptly while she held his gaze steadily with her bright eyes you posted that letter Frank knew perfectly well that she met the letter whose superscription he had studied so many times and which had seldom been absent from his thoughts an hour since that night when from her perch on the gate post Jerry had startled him with the question she was asking him now but he affected ignorance and said as indifferently as he could what letter do you mean why the one Mr. Arthur wrote to Gretchen or her friends in Beast Badden and gave me to post you took it for me to the office and I sat on the gate so long waiting for you to come and tell me you had posted it sure oh yes I remember it and how you frightened me sitting up there so high like a goblin Frank answered falteringly his face as crimson now as Jerry's and his eyes with her gaze Gretchen's friends never got that letter Jerry continued no they never got it Frank answered mechanically if they had Jerry went on they would have answered it for she had friends there Frank looked up quickly at the girl talking so strangely to him what had she heard what did she know or was this only an outburst of insanity she certainly looked crazy as she lay there talking to him he was sure of it a moment after when she said to him as he arose to go you have been kind to me you and Maud you and Maud and I shan't forget it tell her I shan't forget it I shan't forget it kiss me Mr. Tracy please had he been struck by lightning Frank could hardly have been more astonished than he was at this singular request and for a moment he stared blankly at the girl who had made it not because he was at all adverse to granting it but because he doubted the propriety of the act even if she were crazy but something in Jerry's face like Arthur's, mastered him and stooping down he kissed the parched lips through which the breath came so hotly wondering as he did so what Dolly would say if she could see him a white haired man of 45 kissing a young girl of 20 and that girl Jerry Crawford thanks Jerry said wiping her mouth with the back of her hand I think you have been chewing tobacco haven't you but I shan't forget it I shall do right I shall do right she was certainly growing worse Frank thought as he went down to confer with Mrs. Crawford as to what ought to be done and to offer his services he would remain there that afternoon he said and send a servant over to be in the house during the night she is very sick he said but it does not seem as if her sickness could be caused wholly by that bruise on her head do you think Peter can struck her she says so was Mrs. Crawford to reply though why he should do it I cannot guess then she added that a servant would not be necessary as Harold would be home by seven but he may not Frank replied Squire Harrington came at two and reported that the suit was not called until so late that they would not probably get through with the witnesses today so hell may not be here and I will send Rob anyway on his way home Frank too looked in at the tramp house and saw the broken down table and hunted for the missing leg and with Tom concluded that something unusual had taken place there though he could not guess what that evening as Jerry grew more and more restless and talkative Mrs. Crawford listened anxiously for the train and when it came waited and watched for Harold but watched in vain for Harold did not come several of her neighbors however did come those who had gone to the city out of curiosity to attend the lawsuit and see old Peter can squirm and hear him swear and could she have looked into the houses in the village that night she would have heard some startling news for almost before the train rolled away from the platform everybody at or near the station had been told that Mrs. Tracy's diamonds had been found in Harold Hastings pocket and that he was under arrest such news travels fast and it reached the park house just as the family were finishing their late dinner I told you so I always thought he was guilty or knew something about them Mrs. Frank exclaimed with a look of exaltation on her face as she turned to her husband what do you think now of your fine young man who has been hanging around here after your daughter until she is half betwaddled after him Frank's face was very grave as he answered decidedly I do not believe it Harold Hastings never took your diamonds how came he by them then she asked in a loud angry voice I don't know her husband replied there is some mistake it will be cleared in time but keep it from Maude I think the news would kill her meantime Tom had sat with his brows knit together as if intently thinking and when at last he spoke he said to his father I shall go to Springfield on the ten o'clock train to go with me to this Frank made no objections if his wife's diamonds were really found he ought to be there to receive them and besides he might say a word in Harold's defense if necessary so ten o'clock found him and Tom at the station where was also Dick St. Clair with several other young men pacing up and down the platform and excitedly discussing the news of which they did not believe a word I almost feel as if they were hurting me when they touch Hal he's such a noble fellow Dick said to Mr. Tracy and Tom we are all as mad as we can be and so a lot of us fellows who have always known him are going over to speak a good word for him and go his veil if necessary I don't believe though they can do anything after all these years but father will know he is there with him and so the night train to Springfield carried ten men from Shannondale nine of whom are going to stand by Harold while the tenth hardly knew what was going or what he believed arrived in the city their first inquiry was for Harold who instead of being in the charge of an officer as they had feared was quietly sleeping in his room at the hotel while Judge St. Clair had the diamonds in his possession End of Chapter 41