 Hey there lovers and friends, I am joined by my lover and my best friend in my life, partner, Jared Brady. And today, we're finna, what camera do I look at? This one or this one? What? It doesn't matter. Which one are you looking at? I don't want us to look cross-eyed. Today, we're finna do the commitment quiz together on camera. You've been going hammer with these quiz making, huh? Really? Yeah. So the very best way to figure out what your turn on trigger is, is through a quiz. So, if you haven't done my quiz, I am gifting you all with my self summary workbook. Okay, so apparently I'm obsessed with quizzes right now, but that's because my new mantra is to make you all relationship experts. And today, I've been to find out if me and my life partner have the same commitment values. Do you think we do? I think we do. Why do you say it so slow? Because I wrote, I wrote the quiz. And so as I'm typing the questions out, there were some that I wasn't sure how you were gonna respond. And the thing with this quiz in particular is there's nine different results you could get, which means a lot of them are pretty similar. Like, they're not drastically different. So I feel like we'll be in the same zone. Are we gonna be in the same base? Not sure. The nine different results that you possibly could get are casual dating, serial non-committed dating, traditional monogamy, modern monogamy, monogamish, free relationship, open relationship, swinging, and polyamory. So which one do you think we're gonna get? Like Jared said, I've been doing a lot of quizzes of late. So you guys know to drill by now. Go to thegameofdesire.com slash commitment, get your result and share it with me. Now speaking of sharing, on the most recent episode of my private podcast, Jared and I are over-sharing how we went from fuck buddies to life partners. When did it switch for you to go from, okay, I'm taking you out of the fuck buddy box and I'm putting you into potential partner? I do wanna get to that, but can I first tell you my recipe for a successful fuck buddy relationship? Yeah. All right, so the first thing that I did and very early on is I changed your ringtone to a specific ringtone. And you also had a specific text message chime. That was specifically because I didn't want for every time my phone to ring, that I would suspect it was you, and then look at my phone and be disappointed that it wasn't. And that is- Is that a real thing? Yeah, because think of a casino, right? A casino, nothing creates an addiction like an inconsistent reward. You can get access to the full episode as soon as you get my new book out this July where I teach you everything I know. Okay, back to the video. All right, Jared Brady, we are about to find out what your current ideal relationship structure is. Aside from clarifying feelings amongst those involved, which of these expresses why commitment is most important to you? I chose, it communicates to others what myself and my partner already know about our connection. Yeah, that's what I chose too. Yes? Yes, why did you choose that? I think a label is for other people to understand. That's just me personally. I think labels don't do anything. They don't hold your partner hostage. They don't stop them from doing anything different. They don't do anything other than communicate to others. You guys already know what it is. You should know what it is. You do. You know what you and even if you in denial and the deep of your pits of your heart, you know what you and that person share, whether it's commitment, whether it's not commitment, you know what that is. So if you are putting a label on top of your relationship, all you're doing is being like, without having to explain all the nits and grits of your relationship, you're just saying, hey, this is my partner. Hey, this is my girlfriend. Hey, this is my wife. Hey, this is, and then you as the person that I'm explaining that to goes, oh, I know what a wife is. Oh, I know what a girlfriend is. Oh, I know what someone that is just dating. You know what they are. So I just think labels are only for everyone else. That's what labels meant to us. And that's why we took a long time to choose a label because we were most concerned about organically figuring out what made sense for the two of us. And then we chose a label to fit. But a lot of people, the label brings the clarity, which then allows them to create a structure of accountability and that solidifies the relationship. So the label, when you go to a job, for example, you're like, am I an intern? Am I the manager? Am I the supervisor? Like I need to know, so I know how to conduct myself within my given role. If I don't know what my role is, it's hard for me to do my job. How would you describe your relationship with jealousy? I said, I'm not a jealous person at all. And it's important that my partner isn't either. Oh, I didn't choose that. What did you choose? I chose, I enjoy jealousy. It's a turn on to me. Spooky, that's still in lines with my answer, though. It is in line, but what I'm acknowledging, you're saying you're not jealous, which I will confirm Jared is not a jealous person. I think sometimes that was a problem for your previous relationship. I will say, I will say. Do say it. I will say to add a layer to it. The only time that I ever experience any type of jealousy is when I don't know what position I'm in. If I don't know that I am like important and that I could be out, then I start feeling weird. But then I start getting prideful and I say, or I will, I'll do me. I think that like sometimes I told you this, when we have sex, I picture you in my mind being intimate with somebody else. I think that when I've seen you, on sets of your videos with other women, there's this thing inside of me that's like, I don't like this, but I'm like, oh, I kind of like that, I don't like it. It's hot to think about you as a free person in this world who could connect with others. And so it's a turn on to me. So I am jealous, but I think it's a fetish. I enjoy it. Do you see a strong benefit to being in a publicly acknowledged, committed relationship? 100%, I chose yes, being in a relationship that makes an impact on my overall life, family values, careers, social status, et cetera. Yes. I think 100%. I'm actually shocked that you chose that. Why? It's so obvious that a relationship is a benefit to my well-being. Yes, it is. But remember when we first started dating? Yes. You were in artist mode and you were like, it's not in my benefit to be in a relationship because you want to keep that. Well, that's me comparing it to my old relationships. So I can't fully be in artist mode and be desirable or desire. I can't fully be in artist mode and still create a desire around me when I'm constantly mitigating what I'm saying, if I'm constantly thinking about the other person. Yes, if you know it's gonna hurt your partner. Yeah, so I'm the person that's like, if I'm in a relationship, I want to uplift that person. If they say to me, hey, this is not okay for me. I can't deal with you flirting with women. Then I'm going to try my best to hold that down. And that's not in your benefit overall? It's not in my benefit. It doesn't make me feel good. It makes me feel caged. So overall, that would be toxic to me. But the relationship and being in a relationship that is public is good for me and my well-being. Oh no, 100%. I mean, this one is obvious to me. We talked about this several times before, but yeah, our relationship and being in a public relationship benefits me in every range. And I also think that it increases my desire out there in the world. I don't feel like I experienced less. I mean, I'm just mean, I feel like I'm hot in the street still. Are you interested in experiencing other people romantically with your partner in brackets S in case you are in a poly relationship? I think maybe it's like a one-time thing. But I would like to keep those separate. I chose the same thing. Yeah. Yes. I just feel like the whole thing about being free. What? We're just on the same page. The whole thing about being free is experiencing things. And I think it would allow me to fully indulge and experience the other person because I would be so focused on you. Yeah, I think that it's hard enough to create chemistry with somebody. Having to always be mindful if the three of us can be connected is just a lot. So if I have a connection with somebody I don't worry about if you also feel excited by that person. Yeah. If once in a while that does and we've never engaged in a threesome before, I think it's something that's on the table for both of us. Yeah. But that's not what excites me about keeping our relationship open to some extent. Yeah, I agree. The idea of one person only for life makes me feel... Great, but I also have some questions. I need some outlets to express my desire for others and vice versa. Yes, I chose that one too. Yeah. I battle between that one and uncomfortable. I don't wanna make any for life decisions when I still have so much life ahead of me. But in truth, I feel really good about the decision I made. I like the idea of going full on for forever. Yes. If it doesn't go for forever I'm not gonna be so angry with myself but I like having that energy and putting that towards it. So I am attracted to the idea of being like, this is my forever. But I would like outlets. Yes. I like the idea of you are my person for life but I don't like the word only in front of that. Yeah. That's exactly, I felt like, yeah, I love it but can we talk a little bit? Like what do we mean by only? Like what does only mean? After repeatedly talking to your partner, Zuh, you have become aware that they are not capable of fulfilling some of your important needs. So your instinct is to? I chose, I never expected one person to fulfill all of my needs or vice versa. That's why I don't subscribe to monogamy. I chose communicate to my partner that I am considering exploring others that can. So I feel, I guess the difference between those two is that there's just an acknowledgement of your comfort still. Yeah. Where it's not like, well, obviously Jerry's not gonna be my be-all and end-all so I gotta do my thing. It's like, okay, if I've spoken to you a lot and I'm just like, this is not working, I'm gonna come to you and be like, hey, this is where I'm like considering exploring, what do you think? Yeah. Which in like truth, those are similar? Yeah. I don't, I don't know how I feel about that. I don't not expect you, there's nothing I guess currently that you just don't do for me. Yeah. So, but in the future things could change and there's so much life left to live. So I, I guess in general too, I don't want to keep expectations. Yeah. So you should have chose the other one. I'm not sure who I am anymore. The idea of seeing your partner passionately kiss someone else makes you... Happy for them above all else. Really? Yeah. Okay, you don't act like you don't have make out stuff all over your channel. Okay. Okay. I'm trying to act shocked. Don't act like you didn't go on a million dates. Okay, that's funny. But I thought that you would have picked, think it's time for the two of us to redefine the relationship. Well, the relationship's already defined. Yeah. It doesn't need to be redefined. So if they happen right now, just be happy for you. I chose jealous, but also kind of turned on slash happy for you. Yeah. Which is what I already explained. So the same thing. But the difference is you're not turned on by the idea of me with someone else. No. It doesn't like get you all like... Because Tim was saying on his podcast, No Chasers that he watches this porn star who looks like his wife. Yeah. Because when he sees that, it's like... But it's not his wife. Of course it's not. It's not Chia. No, I know what I'm saying. But it's not his wife. So would she... But it arises those feelings of like... If he's imagining that he's that porn star driving you home on her. I don't think so. I think he's imagining watching his wife sleep with someone else and that's a turn on. But it's not. I don't think so. We can ask him. We should give him a call right now. Tim. I'm sitting here with Jared and we were having this debate. Yeah. So first and foremost, that part in the No Chasers podcast where you talked about watching that porn star that looked like Chia, you kept that in, right? Okay. So it's not like a secret. No. All right. So do you enjoy watching that because it makes you feel jealous and turned on? Or Jared thinks you watch it because you picture yourself as the dude? Both. So there's your fucking settle for your argument. Both. All right. Literally it makes both my two dudes that fucking slut and I'm jealous and turned on. Sometimes I'll imagine like me and another dude fucking Chia. Okay. That was great. Thank you. I appreciate that. All right. You're welcome. Live your life. Okay, bye. Bye. If your partner told you that they felt a strong connection with someone they just met, you would? I would tell them to explore it, explore the possibilities with that person while keeping me in the loop so we can decide together what this means for our relationship. I chose that too. Yeah. And that is an interesting choice for you, Jared Brady. Why? Because you used to have a don't ask, don't tell policy. I still would prescribe, if I was in a different relationship I would still subscribe to that because I trust your judgment so well that I don't need, why do I need to know every little bit of detail? If there's something where you're deciding between if you wanna continue to have me as your main and then also maybe possibly getting into something else, then that's different. But if you're just going to have an experience and then you're gonna go and just have fun with some guy, I don't really, how many times can we talk about that? How many times can we come up and be like, hey, I'm about to go hang out with James, you know what I mean? So it's just like, it's like, okay, cool. Like, I already know what that is. So it's just like, unless it's changing from an experience and just fun and changing it to like, hey, you might be replaced. Then I needed to be aware of that. You know what? I, to answer your question, how many times can it be talked about in my books? Never enough. No, I get that. I could talk about that all day long. I get that. Like if you, like Jared shot a commercial the other day and he had like a love interest as, you know, who was cast with him. I wanted to hear everything. Like, what did you guys do? How did it feel? Like, who was the flirt? Like, let's reenact it together. Like, I love, I don't know. I love love in relationships though. So I'm fascinated by all of that. This is amazing. What did you guys do? What did, how did you look at her? I looked at her like, like it was the first time I was looking at the girl that I loved. Oh. And then you just like, whip the hair. Oh. What is your attachment style? This is an easy one. Secure. Secure. All right, this question will probably be changed by the time you guys do the quiz because I was up for like two hours last night crafting it and Jared's like, you haven't hit it yet. It's just not it. But based on what I have right now. Yeah. The question is the year is 2075. You're talking to a group of 20 year olds about whatever phase your love life is currently in. What do you say? As long as I was first, we were fine. That has been my only stipulation. I choose to love my partner for who they are and not how well they follow the rules. I chose if relationships were windows, think of the rules you place on them like paint. It might look nice, but it also prevents you from seeing your partner clearly. So that's kind of a similar thing. But in essence for me, I'm just like, I think I'm less worried about, and I don't know this for a fact, but I think I could successfully be in a relationship with you where you loved somebody equally to me. I don't think you could be accomplished that. I don't think so, yeah. But I think that I could be like, okay, like this is a phase or this is something that has to be experienced. And I don't think that that would be a deal breaker for me. So that might be the difference in you and I. I don't think, I don't know, I don't think. All right, are you ready to get your results? Yeah. Okay. After doing the quiz, do you think we're gonna match up? Yeah. All right, one, two, three, go. Oh, I got free relationship. I got open relationship. Okay, I think that's not off. It's the same. It's the same. Well, free relationship I think is more true to me because I don't necessarily, I could probably fit in any relationship style with you successfully to the point. Yeah, you could be in a monogamous. I could be monogamous. I could be polyamory. I feel like I could do monog, I think right now in truth, our relationship as is is monogamish. Yeah. Because we don't actively, which has been the debate on this channel of like, is it open, is it not? I think we are like open to open, but it's monogamish where if you went through my DMs, you'd probably find some things that a married woman shouldn't be saying. But it's not that I've actually acted on any of that. Yeah. Which is still open. I hate labels so much, guys. Let's rewind the video where he was like, labels matters. They communicate. No, I said they communicate to other people what it is. But like, they're so grayish. They're so grayish. But that's okay. I mean, this is the thing with labels. It is like a quick way to get to your point. A label is for fast digestion. But the nuances are something different. So the thing with this relationship quiz, people who have already taken it were saying to me, well, what if me and my partner did not get the same result? Is that right? They all got some conversations to be had. That's the truth. I think if you've got very conversely, again, there's nine different results and it is a spectrum to some degree. And so if you are traditional monogamous and your partner is looking for serial non-committed dating, I'd say that's a problem. There has to be some conversations had so that two of you can realistically manage expectation. But if one of you is open and the other of you is free, it can work out. Right? It can work out. You scared? No, I'm not scared. All right, so you have to go into this quiz for yourself. I think this is a really important quiz to do whether you're in a relationship, have not been in a relationship, or are currently playing around to see what might work for you and ex people. So go to thegameofdesire.com slash commitment to do this quiz for yourself. And as an extra thing that I really hope people who watch this video do, because if you've watched this long, that means that you are somebody who has said you were passionate about this area, do the full workbook. The full workbook, I think, is an incredible opportunity to create the language around your intimate self so that one, you know yourself better, but also two, you can communicate your needs effectively to others. I like talking about these things. If you like talking about it too, the workbook is for you. Go to thegameofdesire.com slash let's go to gain access to this full episode as soon as you submit your proof of purchase. Thank you. Goodbye, lovers and friends. You know what I will say worked really well, I think in my benefit and overall in our benefit was I viewed our relationship extremely transactional. And so I never did more than I felt I was gonna receive in return. Because once you start over investing in someone, that's when you're hoping for payouts. I didn't do that. So if I cooked for you, I knew that you would look after my plants when I went away. It wasn't about us increasing the intimacy, it was more about us matching what the other person was giving. So I think around that time was when I knew like, okay, I'm doing a little bit more. I'm talking to her a little bit more and I'm not talking to anybody else right now. So something else is happening here. But I definitely wanted to keep the freedom. Oh, I'm talking about Bayley. What you talking about? Yeah, a cocaine then.