 Ya, before all those things happen, I was telling you you're in quarantine with Valentine, so we are going to try and make this a very pleasurable experience for you. Amanam nagalini, so that you do your part also, please go to our socials. I won't say it again, but it's somewhere here. We together, okay, I will say it again, but just go to our socials today. We're talking about being hooked up versus, you know, just randomly or how to say, consciously meeting a person. So which one, I don't know if it's a better or if it's a worse, but we're going to kind of break them down. Good evening after good evening. Good morning gentlemen. Good morning, Vanu. Oh, medibu visori, wow. How are you saving? I'm fine. Please introduce yourself to the people. Okay, my name is Seryam Bulaku. My social media pages are Seryam Maestro Muga, all Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and I'm happy to be here. I'm COVID. You were not in the same terms when you were in the same case. You know, I'm still living yesterday and it's not like, it's not like I was in the same case when I was in Asia. It's come at like end times. But I'm not in the same case when I was in the same terms when I was in the same case when I was in Asia. So please don't blame it on COVID, just get it. Do you want me to say the same thing? Yes. Good morning, you are being on our side. Yes, thank you, Vanu. What's your name? I'm Kulakson. Pleasure to be with you here. I welcome all the viewers. What do you do, sir? I'm a teacher by profession. Wow, I think being a teacher is a calling. Exactly. I'm very close to being with our daughter. A very thankless job. Can I just thank you on behalf of everyone you've ever taught? Thank you. We appreciate that. At the center. Yeah, and I'm sorry it came so late. But it's okay. Today we're talking about generally relationships, boy-girl relationships, seeds, amaparo, amastia, gapi and all these things. So, Xavier, maybe help me understand. And I picked two things just in the interest of time because time today has just been flying. Two things. So, a couple that has been brought together by another party versus a couple that just kind of paragashat kuru wushu dinsa into sindio. So, what happens when you have to make important decisions if someone has hooked you up? For example, you're dating Janet and I'm the one who hooked both of you up. So, I'm Kitakwenda. Cost killer time. Taku jamne. Valtru. Taku fajivi. Oh, Zwinini. Is that really what's been to happen? Somehow the same. Ndiyo, kutakwenda kwa sutakwambia but nikiana Janet nikiama takiki kwa prove to the coast. Mama nikiana Janet nikiana sumbuat on the coast. I'll always go to the third party. Ibubu skizi. Ibubu skizi na nataka. Nialafu kujuhu ni ambia. So, Janet atatani at sasa mimi nimi nima yandalafu. Nataka kumbe. You gave me some hint. Nika rectify why I was not doing right. Dwa kakubali toende. So, the third party is just for consulting. First for that third party, sounds like an African parent. Kusana tuivi ki doguanenda. Honasa your son or your daughter is doing this and this. Dosa wanenda kumungeleja. And that's why I always feel like who cups last son. Sana sana ziki toka kwa you're dating point if you get in courtship. When it comes to your marriages, it's likely to be strong. Do any time you guys have issues, you always have someone relying on. Dhani ingine ni muleza furia na hote kwanyum. I'm confused, isn't communication going to do what that third party person is doing? Please give us some wisdom. Yes, Val. The issue of marriage from the African point of view, even our parents, our great grandparents, before they come together, there was some kind of force behind it. And in one way or the other it has got its own advantages. And like the kind of marriages that we normally have nowadays that you get someone in a meeting town after a short duration, you now log together and start staying together without having what we call the background checkup of the person. Because marriage is a sanctified institution which so long as you've decided to get into it, it is a long lasting permanent thing. Yeah, but they tell me marriage thing is like that one institution where everyone who is outside wants to get in and everyone who is inside is struggling to get out. We have those people whom we can consult. For example, from the Christian perspective point of view, before you get into marriage there is what we call some people who act as a whole model for you. So these people they can be point of reference. They are facing a challenge because one, they have much experience in terms of years that they have stayed together in the marriage. So whenever you get a challenge you try to ask them how do you go about this? Are you seeing? That one does not mean that you don't have the authority to do your own way but you get the point of reference from them. Are you seeing? With them they have been such perhaps they might be in such a similar situation sometimes back. So you get the opinion. I just wanted to ask a question because at my age and you look at his age I think it's more experienced. So I wanted to ask during this dating process which you've gone through maybe I don't know if you're married. I'm married. You're married. According to the processes you've gone through the hookups and you've also searched for yourself which one works best which one lasts according to you. Okay, based on experience that I have before you get into marriage first of all you have to identify the person whom you are dating. Now how much do you know the person? Do you know the background where the person is coming? Do you know the family? How is the background of the family? Because initially people were being discouraged not to marry from a particular family or region because of probably in one way or the other how they were that community or that family how they were. So that's the reason why we are still advocating go to your aunt go to either your uncle Are you getting it? One more on that. Just a minute. I even want to interrupt you to hear why he's laughing because there must be a reason why he's laughing. Let me wrap up the point. Initially our aunts were giving us ladies isn't it? Your aunt can't give you a bad thing. There is no any relative who can give one of the family members a bad thing which means they have known the lady they have interacted with the family and they know everything about that family which will enhance continuation if she move from that place and then the lady come on to your place so that continuity because marriage is just a matter of progress we want to see that family progressing from one point to another so how comes you bring someone whom you don't know the background you don't know the family you have never interacted with the family then all of a sudden you are staying together now these are the situations that you normally see someone goes and take a shock and do something bad I want to bring this back just a little bit we are running under the assumption that the boy child in question and this is not personally serious he intension is to get married that's the because out here these boy children know how to professionally waste people's time they just want to eat from the fruit and then leave it there after they've eaten they go find a mother and that hasn't been eaten so at 254 Facebook so we have agreed that the context of this is you are looking for something serious you are looking for a life partner but I have heard of people who have gotten married against their parents' wishes without their families blessing and they've still worked on their marriage and they are not too bad right now I'll take this if you look at I'm a Christian and if you look at from the Bible point of view I'll give you an example when this Samson met a lady Delilah and we know the background of Delilah and then he was one he was told don't we have ladies among our people our brothers what happened what happened they married because he went against the will and the aspirations of the family members so that's why you are saying the best thing is to bring the family members or even if you have found the lady then involve the family members in the process that I have found Val and Val is coming from such a region now what do we do next let the family now go background check up they talk with the family and all these the families are now being involved as much as you have found the lady yourself but incorporate the family members what happens because we are coming from a country where we have inherited problems we have inherited hate we have inherited tribalism so what if Xavier and I are from different hemispheres of Kenya and maybe our families that's the generation for I no no no what are we going to do there they're not going to sit down and have a water one love does not envy love does not boast and love conquers all it unites both the tribe so long as there is a genuine love among the two who have decided to come together I believe there is nothing like bringing each where does it come from what view love binds us together what if there is someone in the audience who is like Xavier he wants to settle down he is trying to find the right time to settle down and then he finds the right person to settle with and I want to imagine that this particular boy child in question has strong ties with his people at home if it maybe even contributes to their well being maybe it just contributes in some way or another but the lady is from a part of the country that his parents just cannot maybe they even have a traumatizing story and you know once someone affects you a black person hurts you not all black people are bad you don't distinguish oh this one is like this sometimes it's like that so how would Xavier as a person handle that without having to cut his family off in such a situation first of all it is the two of you who have decided to tumble together so there must be a communication you know the moment that I have got an issue the fact that I have married you does not tell me now not to seize from helping my family because we are Africans and we have the dependence we have to support so it is upon you to bring it home to her so that she can understand where you are coming from because I believe a normal person just when you explain the point at home that you know this and this and this had been happening before you came but since you have now come in let's continue supporting mam I believe that is not something bad and she will have to understand yes I want you to position like this there we go so one meter away guys social distancing you can really say I also want to support him that love is between two people and there is a politician who said we are African and African is us so you are not able to satisfy everybody so I will feel like if you really like someone if you really want to date someone despite your parents not agreeing to that if you really want to date you can do it you can do it so this is what you are likely to pass through during this maybe if it is Christmas festive during this 4-5 days to mend a home you are likely to pass through this so if you want to happen don't take offence it is the way they are so if you are able to tell the lady ma pema with a few years to come you will be able to see kumbe the thinking of us is not that this lady is really nice so it is able also to be gelled into the family you are not just supposed to hurry things so it is also pure just to take a lady home you have not even told him how your family is how things are for it and then you expect him to be accepted in advance lazima the first day klamtuako now you that is why I told you the issue of courtship is very very much important because within that period you will be able to iron several issues out one you identify the lady after you have identified the lady you take the information home after that the two families now start to meet together are you seeing after they have given their consent you can now start preparing for the final journey but what we nowadays have you get a man who meets a lady and then they start just staying together then you get their parents probably are not aware that so-and-so is married and who is he married to who you hear is married from someone from the other region and then now bring issues because the families were not psychologically prepared that someone from another region is coming in this home state so the moment they are being prepared psychologically in advance then it prepare enabling ground for the landing of the lady because there is a new foreigner within the home state what about the situation where you and your girlfriend may be your personal if you love each other but the families are having bad blood during the negotiation processes it cannot go through since these people how I learn how do you go about it in such a circumstances it calls sobriety and a lot of wisdom because any single mistake will lead to damage of everything so it is upon you now to see which is the correct approach to face the issue altogether because love unite love does not separate you getting it so it is upon you to identify the right method for you to face the issue in the end of the family or you begin from the ladies we will see what we can do very important for H.R. Janet Michaels first of all shout out alafum kikosa na kwa mbe we atas kupen skwa na kupen na nima yante li kuleta uku I can't for example your aunt brings you ma li safi we live with people or just loving people is not the easiest thing in the world kwa kuna frikshon na in most cases kama kwa frustratin atasima tukitu kama ii asa shdakini marriage is a school of learning and there is no one who is having an award there you still need to learn each other and it also calls for patience within a few years of experience that I have the sobriety any time an issue come in how do you handle it we have few things which are necessary one communication within the marriage itself before we get the marriage but because I think we are quite young just because it may be workers so the process is you identify the lady after you have identified the lady or one of your relatives can identify the lady for you and then there will be that process of bonding you get to know each other some of the likes and dislikes so it is not just a one day event so the aunt may identify the lady and then okay tells you I would like you to meet him so you go and meet have a cup of tea in the process you will bond I have a question we are running on the assumption again that everyone is honest and everyone is laying their heart on the table what happens if the girl that auntie is bringing she is just pretending she just wants your money look at Xavier maybe at some point the village is just fainting when he arrives that statement is structure what happens then because she is not being honest that bonding is a lie if you stay with someone we are saying courtship should last for 6 months minimum within these 6 months you will be able to know one I know the likes of Val the dislikes if she is a temperamental short tempter so all these you will be able to see and if it is not working I think you are free to tell your aunt I appreciate the fact that you wanted me to progress with the lady but these are the things that I am seeing so from there you can either terminate it or proceed with it so you have options for me why I really love the hookups why I really encourage them is because I love the editing process I always prefer me and William Xavier I always think I stress I spend a lot on it I always feel like Sasa bro I think I have an example because I love it I love light skin I love jam I love issues I have already been given a profile you see so in case of anything I always go back and say I love William and you will see within one or two days I will say I love him so it is an introduction and an exit during the introduction part it is a strong relationship but when you want to leave the relationship so your relationship is strong communication is easy let's go to the third party if you want to leave you can go to the third party this side don't ask I will say you see that frustration will come out no Xavier the moment someone start beginning after all I was given you that is a wrong attitude and it is an attitude which does not build that relationship so you should not be able to have such attitude this is a fellow human being you can't just say you can't just utter such a statement after all why it not for my aunt could not be at this point no those should not be there we are civilized people if there is an issue which you don't like with the lady make her sit down talk over it and iron out the issue Xavier would you rather be hooked up by your family members or your friends and why I love my friends because you see with friends they will tell you about the lady kila kitu especially when guys are kwa kihukap chali kwa mawa na date kwa mawa na date kwa mawa na date kwa mawa na date kwa mawa na date kwa mawa ko nailed kwa mawa na date kwa mawa na date next week kwa mawa na date kwa mawa na date kwa mawa na date kwa mawa na date do nnoteven ask for any thing just make sure you're treating this guy asekusa u wider them jwa kunai issues na wule wako pua lakin w고 kuna isu So serious Do you think it's fun? The other one is too official Which one do you think lasts longer? For me, the one that lasts longer I think they hook up with friends because me, from experience I still talk to the people I was hooked up with and we are still in good terms now I don't even remember I don't remember I don't remember I don't remember I don't remember and we are still in good terms now I don't remember finally when Isaac when Isaac was about to marry he was given a rebeka and if we look at it from that from the biblical point of view it gives a strong bond are you getting it? that's why we're saying when the family members have identified a lady for a son there is no crime in that after the identification process then now the mingling you people go and interact you interact it should not be a short period it should be a prolonged period so that you bond no no no no my only issue is they won't be hooking you up all the time I can't remember but you see with friends they will say and then they will keep on working but now I don't remember if you just allow me to read our social media Facebook so we have a man James good morning guys good morning and then James happy new week I want to tell you how I feel very good I locked down in QA 001 TG Tech up wow and then corona at the hookups and then I posted Masai and then Kona live he then was watching us usual kafatikeno waskubali hookup why now he kept calling me I see you Dominic well represented from kafatikeno James so was watching me but no I can't I would have thought I would not want creator so I was watching him as long as bill me out so that means save it on a question if he is on he can say okay and man James says weh agi post name in goja Mati and man James you are wonderful you are wonderful human being that even says hashtag why the morning hope I am not being bothered but it must follow you you must follow me you must follow me because that's what we will finish with man James says I try to hook up Val and who I try Miriam and who but I will tell you a story Brenda Koko I tried to hook up Kid King the second requesting by creators savage locked from nuru maker I hook up you never know my nephew and my niece I product Wow please pay for me after I see you again I would not want to hook up let people meet by themselves and date watching from you can talk to us so someone will say the love is blind and the moment you get into a that love arena it makes you feel like you are in a certain world all together euphoria too you are in your own world it is said when a woman loves she loves for real you are getting it but I don't believe Kuna Uchawi love is a certain strong which come when you love someone this is a strong feeling which you cannot even explain and what feeling is it when you pretend to love someone that is a pretending that is not a love you know that is another thing all together we are advocating that that you have got yourself into affair with someone and finally it has lead into marriage till death do us apart not divorce we don't encourage the bible does not encourage divorce but when an issue comes in you should be able to know and seek guidance I have formed the third party now we are saying for example we are both married and there is my best couple so in case there is something that is probably disturbing me I simply give him a phone call asking there is this issue how do I go about it how do you advise me now that would end our depression and suicide rates do you have someone like that in your life like a mentor or something in the love relationship you have a partner and he is a boy child problem we will get your hookup we will get your hookup you should be having but I think I will say he is able to notice my racket you are going to crazy on this one I think that should be a hit it is very important because we gotta live we gotta go so make this very brief I am saying this before you get into an institution of marriage one you have to think over it because so long as you have got yourself into eternal there should be no break up because there is no one who can decide to build a house and later destroy it thank you so we have run out of time but you thank you for watching remember wash your hands and soap and water sanitize if you can and what else Hilary will be coming through at the top of every hour with the update so you don't want to miss his handsome face so we are also waiting for a live link from state house disseminating very very important information so please stay on the channel don't go anywhere my name is valentine or at ColonyVal but most importantly WhiteFive on Facebook WhiteFive on Twitter hashtag it's wide the morning have a fantastic day