 We invite you to enjoy life. Life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Tye Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Madge, with Palin Media's Pasquale. When Luigi Vasco left Italy to start his new life in America, he promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventures. So now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Vasco in it. This is the first letter I'm going to write to you in the 1950s. Happy New Year to Mama Mia. It's 1950. Seems like yesterday I'm going to get off a boat in New York and a man has assaulted me in the Chrysler building. Later when I told Mr. Pasquale, he was going to get very mad at me. He said it was a bad thing to buy it in the States when the prices are going to down. Any way up. Hello, Mr. Pasquale. Letter for you. Oh, thanks to Mr. Mailman. Hey, he's from my mom. Yes, she sent an email this time. Well, it must have been important. Maybe a Pietro Zagot is finally at the man. Well, so long, Mr. Pasquale. Yeah, goodbye, dear San Luis. Thanks for all those nice Christmas presents. And to Margarita, thanks to you for the glass of coffee maker, which is, she's a broke yesterday. Cousin of Maria, thanks to you for nice superfume, which your cat is a spill all over him, a second. Luis, that the cat is a speller. So nice and all the mice, they come up to him. All of so, Uncle Pietro, easy to say, thank you very much for that very fancy, merry can of Cotahanga. But the Luigi, Uncle Pietro, has got to know Cotah. Oh, with the break of your heart, if you could see him go to work, he's called the winter morning. All he's got to wear is a short jacket and a hot water bottle. And Luigi, maybe you know some rich millionaire who's got an extra overcoat that would affect you, Uncle Pietro. He's a wear size 36 or size 38. Even a 40. And if you know somebody who's got a 42, 44 take off. And Uncle Pietro could also cover the goat. I'm a hope that this letter is to find you healthy and happy in America. And I'm worried, mama. Poor Uncle Pietro, if I'm only had a summer coat, I could have send him. Wait, maybe there's somebody in my next school class who's got, I'm going to go to the right now and ask. Quiet class, quiet, please, that's good. I'll call the roll. Mr. Basco? Here. Mr. Harwick? Here. Mr. Olsen? Yes. Mr. Schultz? Guilty. Mr. Schultz, what do you mean guilty? I didn't do my homework. But please, Miss Spaulding, you got to excuse me. It's the first time this year. Well naturally, this is the first school day of the new year. Oh, what a coincidence. Oh, thank you, fellow boobies. Oh, never mind that, Mr. Schultz. Now class, today our lesson is on spelling. And we are going to review the rules for forming plurals. Now we all know that one of a thing is called the singular. Now, Mr. Harwick, if there are two, it's called... Marriage. At no, Mr. Harwick, we're talking about plurals. Could you tell me the plural of the word mouse? With pleasure. Mice. Mice, that's good. Not in my house. Quiet, please. Mr. Schultz, since you're so anxious to talk, answer these questions. Now, what is the plural of deer? Deer. Sheep. Sheeps. Swine. Shrine. Mr. Schultz got all three wrong. Why? To tell the truth, I was leaving myself with a jackpot question. That is not so funny. Now, Mr. Basko, you may tell us the plural of deer, sheep, and swine. Huh? Tell us the plural of deer, sheep, and swine. Huh? Oh, animosity. No, no, I'm talking about numbers. Right, the 36th, the 38th, the 44th. Mr. Basko, what are you talking about? Mr. Pietro, he's recalling you. Please, Mr. Basko, not now. Ms. Baldig, if you wish, I would be overjoyed to give you the rule for the plural. Ms. Baldig, you know how dependable I am. All of it with the information on the tip of my tongue. Oh, and why don't you sneeze and bite off your brains? You, you, you, you! Mr. Wilson, just tell us the rule, please. The simple spelling rule covering the plural says that when the singular ends in a sound with which s cannot unite in pronunciation, but must form a separate syllable, e is inserted before s in forming the plural, unless the word ends with a silent e, which then forms a separate syllable with the s. Now, short, what can be simpler than that? For one thing, Einstein's theory of relativity. Mr. Olsen, you quoted that rule perfectly. Now, let us see if the class has learned anything. Mr. Basko, can you give us an example? Huh? Give us an example. Huh, 202 is just four. Ah, now, there's a man we can all understand. Mr. Basko, have you studied your lesson for today? Oh, yes, I'm espousing, but when I'm keeping thinking about what my mom is writing me about Uncle Pietro, I'm using it overcoated to keep him warm this winter, and I'm going to get the nuts in it to send him. Oh, that would be great. Wait, Luigi, I got an old overcoat for you. Oh, thanks, Harowitz. Oh, wait, I forgot. It's filled with mottles. That's what I thought. I must sort it up. Also, the buttons are missing. Well, I must sort that up, too. Oh, I just remembered. My wife's brother is wearing the coat. Him we can't know of. Oh, Luigi, I have an idea that you're saying then. Why don't you go to the Salvation Army? Yes, that might be fine, Mr. Basko. You know it's a very worthwhile organization. Well, it's worth a try. Stop. Don't do it, Luigi. You're better off to go to Baskovali than the Salvation Army. So what do you mean? When I first came here, I went to the Salvation Army. I went inside for a meal, and in ten minutes I was wearing a uniform, swinging a tambourine, beating a drum, and singing, your mother still waits for you to chat. Hello, Baskovali. Hello, Baskovali. I'm going to ask you a big favor about something. No rush, little banana nose. Hey, sit down by this table. The best set of my spaghetti paris. If you want, I should bring you out of some pizza. No, no thanks, Baskovali. The spaghetti is delicious. No thanks, Baskovali. Then how's about some lasagna? Tasty like it was made in the heavens. No, no, no. I know, a beautiful filet mignon steak with a french fry at the tables That's all I have. That I ain't got. All right, then I'll have the lasagna. I ain't got that either. Don't know why you're asking me if I'm a wanker. Just to try to be sociable a little punk in the head. We're thanking you very much, Baskovali, but we always talk about food, I'm a fool already. What I'm really coming in for is a favor. Baskovali, you see my Uncle Pietro, he's got no warmer clothes than I'm a liker very much. No way, you're going to find a comer with me in the back of the store. Oh, you're lucky. Well, Luigi, you got a nice and rich and friendly like a Baskovali. I'm always a flesh. Clothes, money, stocks, bonds, all the four. That's the right of Baskovali. You biggest of four flesh should I know. That's a funny thing. What I'm saying is to come out of there for us. Well, Luigi, as to my wardrobe. Now close your eyes and when you open up, you're going to see a sight you never saw before. Come on, Mummy. He's looking like a whole other department store. Yes, that's right. Feel that coat over there. That's really substantive to what they call a camel in the head. A camel in the head? The minute they make a coat, it's from a camel, sir. Sure, what do you think? Do they make only cigarettes? They make coats from lots of animals, beavers, muckrats, minks, and they make suits from fishes, too. Sure, didn't you have a shark skin? Look, look, Luigi, look at that suit over there. That's a herringbone. Come on, Mummy, there's so much to learn. Just look at this coat, Luigi. All the camels in the head. First of all, I remember you think I'm a stupid. But it's the first time I've ever found out the camels have got a button. Look, Luigi, it's the 23 suits and the coats in this closet. I'm no greedy. For your uncle Pietro, take any one you want. Oh, first of all, you're so kind. I'm going to take you to the camels and coats. You're a really good man. That's all right, Luigi. I'm glad to do your favor. Thank you, Pascuali. Luigi, I did you a favor. Now maybe you're going to do me a little favor. Sure, Pascuali. What's the favor you want? Marry my daughter Rosa. Well, Luigi, what do you say? Some will get the back in the closet. And now for the second act of Luigi Basco's Adventures in Chicago, we turn to page two of his letter to his mother-in-law. Hello, so, Mamma Mia. I'm very sorry to write to you. I still got an overcoat to send Uncle Pietro. I looked in my closet, but the Mamma Mia watched the usage of the look. If a mark was trapped in my closet, he would starve to death. Poor Uncle Pietro. That's the kindest man that ever lived. Remember when I was a little boy in Mamma Mia? I was a nothing to eat in a house. Papa was a had no money. We was a starving. Suddenly, Innes walked Uncle Pietro with the two chickens. There we were just sitting around the paper. You, me, Papa, Uncle Pietro and the two hungry chickens. Uncle Pietro is an old-hearted heart to kill them. So they look like a bad news. Luigi, my fellow boob. Hello, sir. Oh, Luigi, you look so beat like a real poop cop. Smile. Be like my coffee pot. Pick up. What am I talking about? Coffee is a dollar a pound. Shoot some Oscar Pascuali for a coat, but he just said there's nothing to do unless I'm a Marirosa. Oh, not Pascuali. Anything he gives away ain't got strings attached. It's got a noose. Just what did he say, Luigi? Well, he just said if I'm a Marirosa, he'd give me one of a 23 closer. Anyone. Even the minxers are with the buttons and the fishes to make a surcha for my little errands. Oh, Luigi, are you for simmers? But it shows you what I'm gonna do. Well, Luigi, you could go to a pawnshop dealer. Pawnshop dealer, what's that? He's a fellow that makes a living from people who are broke. Yeah, yeah. In other words, he lives on the flat of the land. I'm sure so you think that the pawnshop sellers are gonna sell me a coat? Why not? How much money you gotta spend, Luigi? Three dollars. Him or three dollars? But it's just three dollars enough to buy all the overcoats. For three dollars, you couldn't buy an old sweatshirt. No, wait, wait, Luigi, into my head, an idea just pooped. Those pawnbrokers, they make a lot of money on those old coats, you know. Why don't you go out and buy one the same as they do? But how should you go around in backyard and your holla? I'll cash, I'll cash clothes. Any old clothes. Now, Luigi, let me hear you say that. I'll cash a closet. Any old clothes. Sure, Sedena, what are the people that do? They throw down milk bottles. Oh, smile, Luigi. I'm gonna try to cheer you up. From the whole neighborhood, somebody has bound to have one old coat he wants to get rid of. And there you are. Oh, should see a real life, Sedena. Sure, and twice as sweet. Well, Luigi, I gotta go now. Goodbye, and cheer up. Remember, be like me. Always smiling, happy, laughing. Oh, my Roman gentleman. I'll cash you. I'll cash you. Luigi, what are you celebrating about? The New Year's was a three days ago. But, sorry, I don't need your help. The shoes are just to give me a wonderful idea. Oh, fine a thing. You listen to that delicatessen of a man of shoes. So, what is that gonna get you? Nothing. He's got a lesser brains in his little finger than I got in my whole head. Look, why you don't stop with this crazy clothes of business? Always you look in the help of somebody else. Help yourself for a change. But, first of all, I remember what they say. It's more blessed to give than to receive. Sure. If you're a price fighter. Look, Luigi, I'm still willing to help you out. I got 23 garments to just itch him to jump on you Uncle Pietro's back. All you gotta do is marry Rosa. What do you say? No. Please, Luigi, just the one. No. Be sensible. I'm just a total rosa. She should do anything to make you happy. You can't be alone all your life. Even the loner rangers that got his horse. So, why don't you marry Rosa? Let's go. I don't want a horse. Please, Luigi, please. I'm not gonna go now. So, he's a war coward out of me, eh? Gonna go round and buy in an old coat. Oh, if there was only some way... I think I know just how to fix that little puppet squeak. I could have called the city hall to fix him a good... Hello? Hello, give me the business license of the apartment. I teach him to turn down my rosa. I'll have a license of the apartment that... Set in a fellow named Luigi Bosco. He's going around a whole state of street neighborhood buying all the clothes without a license. That's very bad, eh? You gonna send out an inspector? Good. Now we see who's gonna have to laugh to laugh. By the time Luigi gets the through, he's gonna be happy to settle for any license. Maybe even a marriage license. Miss, you missed me. Well, Uncle Pietro is still in need of that to court. I'm the cashier for the clothes no lady overcourt. You want me to call a cop? You think he's the got the one? Mama, man, nobody's answered. Maybe I'm a driving in the door. She wants to have fun with me. Please, mister, maybe you want... Look, but if it's vacuum cleaners, we got one. Magazines, I don't read. I got no dough for any charity, I don't want a chance on a raffle. So what do you want? Mama, want all the clothes that you got? Yeah, and I'm wearing them. Please, I'm a cashier. Maybe you got something in an organ or house? Yeah, I have. My mother-in-law, but she's sleeping. Yo, yo, come here. Wanna buy a coat? Sure. I got just the one for you. This is a great buy. This coat is hot. Good. And my Uncle Pietro, he's gonna use that. It's fine. Does it cost a... Does it cost a much money? Well, leave me. It's a steal. Oh, I don't know what anything. It's a steal. And look, Buster, save the jokes when your this coat is hot, but it ain't stolen. I got it from a fence. I'm a fence? Well, sure, sure. I get plenty of stuff off of this fence. You lucky. I'm a pest. A hundred of the back of your eyes. I don't see one that cost that any offense. Hey, look, I ain't got no time to stand around here chewing the rag. What? Chewing the rag. That's the money you got to take. Hey, look, you want to buy this coat or not? Please, Uncle, I want to very much to buy this coat. How much do you want for this? Three saw bucks. Three saw bucks are good. I'm a buyer. It's a deal. Here's the coat. And the back of your head is a three bucks. Please, you saw them yourself. Hey, stop this wise guy. Three saw bucks is $30. Don't you want to stand English? Sure, but I'm guessing maybe it was about the winter to different tonight to schools. What are you saying? I ain't going to argue you got the $30. Wait, wait, please. I'm going to like to buy it, but it's $30. Would some amount of it, the coat, worth it? Sure. It's a beautiful coat. Soft, the water, nice, the lining. Big, the package. Hey, how's it possible a coat this should have such a bigger package? Well, the guy who owned this coat used to pack his rods there. Pack his rods? Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, what a funny place to hang at the curtain. All right, look, break it up, Mac. You don't want to buy. No, wait. You wouldn't want a $30 for the coat? Check. Oh, you take a check, huh? No, strictly cash. You mean, you mean a deal of money? Check. That's what I said. Why did I ever apply for a parole? Come on, will you hand back the coat? Hey, you buying old clothes? Yeah. I'm a city license inspector. Uh-oh. Oh, a license? Well, I hope that you two gentlemen will excuse. I am due to deliver a lecture at the YMCA. Wait a minute. You're Luigi Basco, aren't you? Yeah, to me, actually. Did you buy this coat from that man? Not yet. Well, good. Before you do any more of this buying, you'll have to get a license. Well, then I can go, inspector? Sure. Well, thank you, inspector. It gives me a deep sense of gratification to know that we've got people like you protecting us, honest, law-abiding citizens. Good day, gentlemen. Hey, Luigi. Well, I see you've come back without a coat. What's the matter? You having trouble, little pumpkin-head? That's right, please. I'm having so much trouble, I'm going to want to forget everything. Ah, you want to forget, eh? Luigi, how could you forget my 23 faces of clothes are hanging in the closet and your uncle Pietro freezing to death? What? Don't forget those winters in Italy, Luigi. They're mean. Worse than in California. Maybe right to now, just because of your stubbornness, your uncle Pietro is laying in a single bed with a double pneumonia. Please, please. Luigi, look, I'm not asking you to make this a biggest sacrifice for my daughter Rosa. It's for your own frostbitten flesh and a blood. Because of you, everybody's probably calling him Uncle Pietro the human apopsicle. I was just thinking at the picture. You must stop, Mr. Pascuali, please. I can't face it. Then I call in Rosa. I can't face it, that's even. Luigi, you've got your choice. Uncle Pietro or Rosa? That's right. It's a frost or a fact. All right, Mr. Pascuali, call her in. That's what I like, a weakling. Rosa, my little pie face. Rosa, say hello to Luigi. He's got a good nose for you. Luigi's just asking me to be his father-in-law. You know what that's going to make you? Luigi, you're never going to be sorry with her. Only yesterday, I'm going to say to her, Rosa, you do everything possible to make Luigi happy. Look, my boy, we're going to go to my closet and you pick out any coat that you want, even the camel's hair. I've opened up the closet. Where's the coats or the suits? The closet's empty. Empty? Yes, and what's to happen all of my clothes? Who's the responsible for this? Kind of so, Mamma Mia, soon Uncle Pietro is going to get to his court. Not only is he going to have a court, but also he's going to give a window to the mailman, the baker, all of his friends, and maybe even have a one-a-lifter for the goatee. He has a big bundle of clothes to come in, Mamma Mia. Twenty-three. One of favor I'm going to ask you. You see, Mamma Mia, winters are very cold to hear in a Chicago. So Uncle Pietro can spare one of his coats. Please, he should have sent the one to me. That's right, the Pasquale can use it. You're lovin' a son of Luigi Bascogne, the limo guy. He should have listened to you at the same time over most of these stations when Luigi Bascogne writes another letter to his Mamma Bascogne telling him his adventures in America. And this letter is one of the most important he has ever written, because after being in America for over a year, Luigi gets his first citizenship paper. So, be with us next Tuesday when Luigi tells about this thrilling experience to his Mamma Bascogne in it. Why do Luigi Bascogne and Bascogne written by Mack Benawson, and directed by Mack Benawson, far as they caramelize his Luigi Bascogne with Alameda Pasquale. This is TBS The Plum, your broadcast season.