 You see me and you, we got a lot in common. We need to be able to piss and shit where we want. And lay in it if we want to hell. I done ate my own shit before. I ain't judging you. It be like that sometime hell. You eat your own shit? Yeah, yeah hell yeah. It been going on. Ain't nothing to be ashamed of. Damn Rufus, you really got to get off that stuff. Is that your dog? What dog? The dog you're talking to. You a dog! What? Huh? What? Roof! What you doing? You want to sit on and talk to a dog? You don't look like no dog. Rufus, this dog, right here. Hey, I can't own nothing that was born for that slavery. So can I have it? Hey, you want to buy a dog, a talking dog? I'm not a dog, that's the dog. And hell yeah I want to buy it. Okay, but he eat a special dog with very important rules. First of all, he don't like no bright light. He hate that shit. Second, you can't feed him at midnight. 11.59, cut it off. And you can't get him wet. Sure can't. Why? What's going to happen? I don't know. You're probably about to shit out of you. Look at him. Man, if you don't give me this damn dog. Uh oh, you got the problem? Oh why you asking? Get down there. Sold to the man with the book bag on. Get sugar. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. You're supposed to eat it, not. Forget it. Woo. Wow, wow, wow, you be yo, you be yo. They're throwing the motherfucker. Got you like my plaque. Let these fools know they're working for a soul town legend. Ain't that right, James? I make honeymoon. Yeah, I love Cardi B. Of course. Look what I got. Baby, you got me a- I did good. You did great. I love him. Good. Hey, what's up guys? Look what I found. Damn, that's good, cause we almost out of food anyway. This shit lasts us at least for the rest of the week. Rico. The rest of the day. Good. Because I didn't want you guys going food hunting today anyway. It's our anniversary. It's been a year already? Cool. Hey, what are we doing today? Uh, we are going to spend some very rare alone time together. Very rare. Uh-huh. I get it. So you don't want anybody to bother us. Yeah. There's always too many people here anyway. So Lala, where's your girl Lauren at? Maybe we could double date. Rico, we want to be alone. She about to give you my gift. Oh. Since you got her a dog, is she finally going to let you in her doggy door? What? What? You know her doggy door. You know when you let... Roscoe. What's wrong? Man, Big Rocky and Little Reggie just tried to rob me and shot her. But I beat them up and got away. You know I'm a jeep. I don't play that robbing shit. What in the hell do we get a dog? It's my anniversary gift. As in today is our anniversary. And I don't want to spend it here in another one of your made up stories, Roscoe. And I ain't lying. Look, this is what happened. Hey, hey, hey. Uh-huh. Look who we have here. If it ain't the motherfucker I hate to see. The most in life. Who, me? Ain't nobody else standing here over a glass, boy. What's up, you roach-ass roach? What you got? I ain't got nothing, man. What's that white stuff on your lip? You look like doughnut sugar. You know what some doughnuts are? I told y'all, I don't have nothing. Y'all always messing with me, man. Uh-uh. He lying. He got some pocket check for him. Yo, take this. What's up? Shit. Wouldn't a little need to get some skills? Told you he ain't got no problem with this. Oh, shit. Don't do it. I get this little nigga out of me, man. Give me some to please. Ah! Stop hitting me. Look me in my face. You won. You won. I lost. Stop hitting me. I ain't no punk. You know I had to hold it down. Roscoe, are you okay? I heard you just got robbed. What'd I tell you about hanging out with them low-lives? I almost got robbed, but I handle my business. Ain't nobody robbing Roscoe. Girl, you ain't gonna believe it. So this door ain't got no lock. I just got done telling them how I handle my beads with the midget and the giant shop. Handle your beads. Boy, stop. You got your ass beat. Then you got that ass robbed. Man, ain't nobody robbed me or beat my ass. If anything, they got their asses whooped by me. I told y'all I ain't have nothing. Y'all always messing with me, man. I got some pocket shake pump. Hey, let me go, man. I thought you said you ain't have nothing. Put me down, man. What's that popcorn? Dorito corner. Skittles. You had some? That ain't mine. It's time to take that ride on the pain train. Hey, shit. 13. Watch the move. Oh, ankle lock. Ankle lock. He's not working. He out of the ankle lock. He out of the ankle lock. Kick his ass. Kick his ass. Hit him in the body. Hit him in the body. All right, I'm tapping out. I'm good. I'm good. I ain't know you can run that fast. You know what? I don't need to take this from y'all. I'm out. My Cheeto. My goddamn doggy door. Next time on The Roach Motel. Ray, what's on the other side of that wall? Stan's room. Hey, shortcake. Have business. My name is Pound Cake, baby. I bet it is.